Perfect Me

by Jason Z. Christie

Funny Sci-Fi in the Douglas Adams/Hitchhiker's Guide vein.

Prail has a very boring job, maintaining the trajectories of the three suns that orbit Earth Two. President Gorlax has a boring job, ruling the ultraviolent planet Gortician. Vnew Vreal has a boring job as his press secretary. AngVenn has a boring job publishing press releases. Amazingly, their story is far from boring.

Genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Humor

130 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2011

About the author

Before you read any of my stuff, get in touch with me for a newer copy. I've updated almost every book since my first exuberant days of Self-Publishing.

Reviews

[Midu Hadi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book for free, in exchange for an honest review from Making Connections. Get your copy here.

This book is irreverent…it is racist…it is sexist…it is sci fi.


The Inappropriateness:
“It was time, she decided, to visit Oracle. Oracle Jones was her black friend, wise and hip. And a prostitute, but that has no bearing on our story. In fact, I’m not sure why I mentioned it. But there it is. Black. Prostitute.”


The Characters:

Sherman Oakes:

Loneliness
I’m so alone
There seems to be no point
At times
Drink Lucky Lager
Much of Sherman Oakes’s income was derived from writing jingles and ad copy. He referred to himself at parties as a literary prostitute.

Gorlax:
“Sherm, what up?”
“Gorlax, my nigga! What’s happenin’?”
“S.O.S. You know. Listen, I need this girl’s heart.”
“Uh, you’re the fuckin’ Gortician, dun…”
“Naw, shit ain’t like that. I need this bitch to fall totally in love with me ‘n shit.”

Vnew:
Vnew Vreal was suiciding again. He usually did so on Saturday nights, due to the stress he had acquired during the course of the workweek.

L’viv:
Long, long ago, she had given up her twin sons. As a result, L’viv was tried and convicted of tampering with the males, a federation offense. Her sentence was banishment to the penal planet Faggotron for life.

Judas:
She was the black-hearted, icewater-veined archvillainess of the multiverse. She didn’t know or care why, she just was. And she loathed Sherman Oakes like she loathed kittens, sunshine and balloons.

AngVenn:
“Shermie! Howfore art thou?” AngVenn was enamoured of creative anachronisms. Or perhaps she just thought it made her sound sophisticated. Either way, it made Vnew nervous.

Prail:
“Those look awesome.”
“Oh, these are just the protos. The real games are played in 9D on Earth2.”
President Gorlax walked from screen to screen, enthralled.
“Prail, these are…fucking great. I had no idea you were so dynamic.”
“It’s just a pastime,” she said modestly, “A hobby. My big sisters –“
“Fuck your big sisters, Prail. You’re the shitbomb!”
“Is that good?”
“In this case, yes.”

The Humor:


“On Gortician, a promotion was survival. Firings were literal. You were incinerated, and your successor’s first job was sweeping your ashes up for Ned’s Atomic Dustbin, Gortician’s recycle center.”


“Got any new ways to torture and kill people?”
“Hmmm,” said the voice. “Did you try stabbing them?”


“Of course. That’s one oh one stuff.”
“Shooting?’
“With extreme prejudice.”
“Burning?”
“Yes.”
“Strangling?”
“Naturally, I mean, I strangle people while I’m sleeping, even.”
“Crushing?’
“Sure.”
“Mangling?”
“All the time.”
“Hmmmm. Can we think about this?”


This book isn’t for everybody but I enjoyed every second while reading it!

Also reviewed at:
PBD Blog
Amazon
Shelfari

[Veronica Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious and Entertaining.
I write sci-fi romance, so this book resonated with me very personally. It blows that a great piece of literary work like this goes unnoticed. I binge laughed while reading every page of this book.
What a treat! And so incredibly different from Jason Z Christie’s other work.
Prail Abraxis, whose first name is a combination of pretty and frail, is beautiful and loves justice. Contrary to her persona, she writes super gory games!
President Gorlax from planet Gortician is amusingly in love with Prail. While he doesn’t have a heart, he experiences chest pain that comes about when one is in love! He engages his brother Sherman Oakes to write poems to court Prail in a twisted but sweetest way! BTW, this wooing is across galaxies in our multiverse! Of course, other parallel love and hate stories ran along with this one.
This narration is unique in many ways, keeping me immersed endlessly in every character. Now I am itching to start the next book from this series.
Since I mentioned characters, let’s talk about them. Whoopee! They are weird, warped, and hysterical, from the President to the interstellar drug dealers and the Oracle. And dramatically, they end up with someone in the end. Not how you would expect, though.
The whacky conversation between Judas Mason and Oracle Jones had me tripping. Numerous dialogues made me roll on the floor. I loved how a sick day on Gortician was a day to do sick things! LOL!
In drawing things to a close, this was a laugh riot with a happy ending wholeheartedly!

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

What genre would I place this novel in? Since there's no "super funny" genre, I think I'd have to place it in sci-fi. But I don't normally read sci-fi. However, if there were more books written like Jason Z Christie writes I'd be reading a lot more.

I love how Jason intersperses present day colloquialisms in his writing. And there's always bound to be on of the characters who perpetually get them wrong! I also like how some characters show up in different books. High-C, the drug dealer extraordinaire, was briefly in this one. I'm sitting here, pondering the universe (a much larger universe if you believe what you read in this book) as I eat my freshly delivered Chinese food. In the far off future will we all be ruled by a major corporation? Will the delivery of drugs be as easy as looking in your glove compartment after ordering over the phone?

Jason, where do you come up with this stuff??? It's great! You're fast becoming my favorite author to turn to when I want a good laugh.

[Obsession Is A Book - Terrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was provided a copy of this book by the author for an honest review.

I’ve been sat at my desk giggling away to myself reading this book. I’ve been getting some right dirty looks but if it’s funny, it’s funny right? Who cares HA!

This book has not only managed to pull laughs out of me but there was a part of the book that reminded me of my favourite film of all time ‘Demolition Man’! Ooo not sure if I should of kept that to myself……

I LOVE Sherman Oakes, what a dude! With his waxing lyrical, drug & women loving ways. He really does crack me up & how if he’s not being interrupted in the act he’s unable to perform. Funny.

The book is written in 3rd person and the narrator also plays a part in the comedy value, the book offers.

A thoroughly enjoyable read if you’re not looking for anything heavy.

[Suyash · Rating 3 out of 5]

Long Live Sherman

Very different from what I usually read. A nice turn your brain off reading experience. I appreciated the funny bits and the satire, both overt as well as subtle. I actually laughed out loud a few times. Sherman and his poetry were my favorite parts.

[Jason Christie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This thing fairly well fell out of my pen.

Yeah, yeah, I wrote it in jail, too. No surprise there. But this is what I wrote for fun when I wasn't writing Penultimate Hustle... 600 pages in 60 days.

I really like that it embraces the Hitchhiker's Guide universe, but still retains its own flavor. Gortician was my death metal/grind band, and Gorlax is from a nerd rap friend, Rappy McRapperson. High-C is my nerd rap persona. So it was really sort of wild to see these personae take on lives of their own. O.D. DrugWar really is my little brother, he came up with that rap name when he was 10 or something, a play on O.G. Readmore.

The best part to me is the poetry. I'm pretty sure Sherman Oakes supplied it to me, because when the books called for a poem, they just more or less appeared spontaniously. This novella is basically an extended love note to my girlfriend.

I think it was just the right length, and the ending felt natural to me, as well. Students of Douglas Adams will understand the last line of the book, and it's significance, much more so than people who haven't read his HHGTTG series. The book stands alone, but is really enhanced if you've read his work.

Love you, DNA. Thanks for the help...

[Kelsey Bodenhamer · Rating 1 out of 5]

So bad I couldn't finish it.