Imposter: On booze, crippling self-doubt and coming out the other side

by Matt Chisholm

A raw memoir from television host Matt Chisholm on battling booze and depression and finding a way through.'A book of great openness and courage' - Sir John KirwanCountry boy and television host Matt Chisholm seemed to have it all. With a plum job on TV and a great family, his future looked bright. But behind the happy facade, Matt was barely coping, driving himself into the ground with work and withdrawing from everyone but his family. One day something snapped. After admitting in a social media post that he was struggling with depression, Matt was shocked at the outpouring of public support. It would be the catalyst for him to face up to his unhappiness and change his life. Growing up in Otago, Matt was the sensitive youngest child in a family of four boys, with a difficult home life in which high standards were paramount. After trying his first drink at fourteen, Matt found himself in a decades-long spiral of aimlessness and heavy drinking - despite the physical and mental toll the booze took on him. It would take Matt until his thirties to find success as a journalist, always doubting himself and his abilities. After finally giving up drinking at 34, his career went from strength to strength, but the unrelenting pressure of having to perform and his own perfectionist tendencies came at a high cost and he was diagnosed with depression. Something had to give. Matt and his wife made a choice to leave Auckland and his job, moving to Central Otago with their two young boys to build their own home and enjoy a simpler life. Imposter reveals the hard-won wisdom Matt has learnt along the way. Poignant and inspiring, this is a helpful book for anyone who is battling their demons.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography

280 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 3, 2021

Reviews

[Demi Noakes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. A lot in it that I could relate to and a simple read that helps to open up conversations about mental health without psychoanalysing.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this would be an interesting insight into someone who has had significant celebrity in NZ. Certainly it covers the awful early life Chisholm led, and his decision, finally, to give up booze, and his eventual realisation that he needed help for his mental health issues.
However, it takes something like three-quarters of the book (or at least two thirds) for Chisholm to get to the point where he stops drinking (and sleeping with what feels like every woman who crosses his path). Before that we have a seemingly endless list of anecdotes about his drinking days, days when he would drink way beyond his capacity and wake up in the morning not just with a hangover but with no idea what he'd done the night before. There's just too much of this stuff in the book, disappointingly, even if it's there to make a point.
He goes from an obsession with drinking to an obsession with working in TV, where he's certainly successful but never seems to think that he is.
Finally he gets help, finds some measure of peace with his wife and children, and begins to help others with similar mental health issues.
It's a long journey, and though the book is very readable, there's just too much of the lead up to change, and perhaps not enough about the change itself.

[Lesley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Imposter is a very raw account of a young man growing up in a troubled household , who finds alcohol and drugs at a young age, which he uses and abuses as he tries to find his happy place .
Graduating from Lincoln University Matt Chisholm continues to drift from job to job , unable to find contentment. Then his older brother Nick has a life changing event which further upsets Matt although it does give him some purpose in life , helping with rehabilitation.
Like many young New Zealanders Matt does a trip overseas , before going back to Massey University to complete a journalism course. Then its on the working on a number of programmes on television , getting married , and having children.
Matt Chisholm has written with great honesty of his struggles with alcohol , drugs and work pressure as well as his mental health struggles which led to him opting to leave Auckland for a quieter life in Central Otago.
A powerful read which had me turning pages well into the night .

[T Mc · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book given to me for Christmas and once I picked it up I was over halfway through before I put it down. It was just so down to earth and read like he was just chatting away. Although people might not be able to relate to all of what he has written I think the themes are pretty powerful especially the self doubt and how the comments that people say to you can play with your mind and almost haunt the decisions you make throughout your life. I would recommend this book to anyone really I think any reader will come away with some no frills pointers on how to start liking yourself and life more.

[Vanessa Boyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always been a huge fan of Matt’s I remember seeing how upset him and his other friends were when Greg died and I saw his update when he needed to take some time off. I made my partner watch Man Enough and he has struggled with his mental health and that show made a real difference. This book is raw emotion, it’s about someone who has fought and is wining but doesn’t take that for granted. This book is awesome and I am so happy that he got help and that he wrote this book.

[Michael Botur · Rating 2 out of 5]

Enjoyable but not exceptional

There are a lot more important stories out there in the world. I'm not sure why this gets a big publishing deal. I felt like this book had an underlying message that if you're on tv (a dying medium), you deserve attention. That is not justified. I don't know anyone who watches Seven sharp

[Lynne Paterson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I recognise Matt Chisholm was showing us how far he’s come but I did get rather tired of his drunken/vomiting/bad boy days. Was ready to move right on to how he redeemed himself, his steps to a steady teetotal life and career progress. Tragic story of his brother too but despite everything, what a personality he has become.

[Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks Matt for a searingly honest and super easy to read memoir.
Battling your demons is no mean feat, and I really hope that your piece of land in Central continues to be the balm to your soul it so clearly has been over the last couple of years.
Greg would be proud of you, I reckon.

[Jula Rycroft · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book . I could really relate to it . The one thing that will stay with me is when Matt wrote what I thought of myself was more important than what other people thought of me . Self - doubt is crippling .

[Nicole Lloyd · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly open and honest. A raw account of a man who finds alcohol and drugs from a young age - quite a large topic of the first half of the book. Then turns to his life and pressures with mental health - an incredibly powerful story of self doubt, and overcoming challenges.

[Carron Stevenson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Matt Chisholm is a seeker of truth. Eventually he was brave enough to confront the truth in his own life. This is an honest and brave story about facing personal demons by a TVNZ journalist. A great read.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

A flipping good yarn. funny he ends up living on my 2 hr bus route that I had to take from Dunstan high to Lauder.
Living in the age of PIPs in the work place this book is very close to home for me.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read of a very kiwi bloke.

[Anna Dinneen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant! Open, honest and so easy to read.

[Hannah Shaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

Matt is a great story teller which makes this very easy reading. Provides good insight into mental illness and builds greater awareness of the issues.

[Sally Hinkley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written and very easy to read. I felt a lot of the focus was on the years of drinking and unhealthy lifestyle and career. The "coming out the other side" is covered in the last 30 or so pages.

[Celeritas2 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny and human. Shows how much New Zealand has changed.