Thanks for Waiting: The Joy (and Weirdness) of Being a Late Bloomer

by Doree Shafrir

An honest, witty, and insightful memoir about what happens when your coming-of-age comes later than expected, from the co-host of the hit podcast Forever35.

Doree Shafrir was one of Gawker's early hires and one of the first editors at BuzzFeed; at both sites, she authored countless viral articles. Just before she turned forty, she published her first novel, and one year later, she quit her journalism career and co-launched Forever35, a wildly successful self-care podcast.

Despite all of her success, Doree thinks of herself as a late bloomer, often out of sync with her various cohorts. She was the Gen Xer at the tech startup who refused to wear the unicorn onesie. She met her husband on Tinder in her late thirties, after many of her friends had already gotten married, started families, and entered couples' counseling. After a long fertility struggle, she is now a first-time mom on the other side of forty. Ditto starting her own small business.

Now, in her debut memoir, Doree explores the enormous pressures we feel, especially as women, to hit certain milestones at certain times and how we can redefine what it means to be a late bloomer. She writes about everything from dating to infertility, to how friendships evolve as you get older, to why being pregnant at forty-one is unexpectedly freeing--all with the goal of appreciating the lives we've lived so far and the lives we still hope to live.

Thanks for Waiting is about how achieving the milestones you thought were so important don't always happen on the timeline you imagined. In a world of 30 Under 30 lists, this book is a welcome reminder that it's okay to live life at your own speed.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Biography, Biography Memoir, Self Help, Essays

9 pages, Audiobook

First published June 29, 2021

About the author

Doree Shafrir is a senior culture writer at BuzzFeed News and has written for New York Magazine, Slate, The Awl, Rolling Stone, Wired and other publications. A former resident of Brooklyn, she now lives in Los Angeles with her husband Matt Mira, a comedy writer and podcaster, and their dog Beau.

Reviews

[Tess Malone · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a book about being a late bloomer, but mostly in a heteronormative sense. Although Shafrir started her career late, she focuses on her dating debacles and IVF troubles. I was hoping for equal emphasis on her career, but she skips her 20s entirely (why did she drop out of the Ph.D. program?) and glosses over most job problems. Instead she devotes most of the book to marriage and pregnancy issues; though I admire the vulnerability, I didn't need nearly as much detail on the problems she had with breastfeeding. Some parts of the book could've gone deeper, whereas others needed to be pared down with tighter editing. Overall, this book is a breezy, quick read like a good women's magazine article, but I get the impression Shafrir thinks she's more counterculture than she actually is when really she's just maintaining a cis-het status quo.

[Maeve · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoy Doree’s podcasts and the book was a quick easy read. The premise of being a later bloomer felt a little thin though and not quite enough to justify a memoir.

[Jayne · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you're interested in reading a memoir by a self-absorbed and whiny millennial, this is the perfect book for you.

In other words, I would recommend "waiting" before reading "Thanks for Waiting" by Doree Shafrir.

Before listening to this book, I had never heard of Doree Shafrir.  I never listened to her podcasts nor had I read her essays and her first novel. 

I selected the book because I usually enjoy memoirs by journalists.  In addition, I was intrigued by the book's late bloomer premise.

The first half of the book dealt with the author's very, very, very long and agonizing journey to find a husband.   (I am serious!) 

The author's "all about me" attitude was just as painful to listen to as was her seemingly endless string of boyfriends, dalliances, and occasional one-night stands. 

After the author FINALLY snagged a marriage proposal and a husband, her exasperating and emotionally draining journey with infertility and expensive IVF treatments began. 

After the author FINALLY conceived, TMI details about her childbirth experience and difficulties embracing motherhood were revealed. 

Infertility is a horrific experience and I was happy for the author that she was able to give birth.  However, it was the author's self-absorption and entitlement that I found troublesome and irritating.  

The author pegged herself as a "late bloomer" but, quite frankly, when the book ended, the author's immaturity and shallowness never disappeared.

I listened to the audiobook that was read by the author.   I always love it when authors read their own memoirs and the author did a superb job with the narration. 

Two stars, rounded up. 

[Morgan · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book no one needed!! A woman finds meaning in … wait for it … a man and a baby! But it’s different because she does it a few years AFTER her friends and siblings. GROAN.

[Julie Sotelo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve always thought that when it comes to memoirs, being an interesting writer is more important than having an interesting life. This book proved me wrong. Her life is not interesting enough to be the subject of a memoir.

[Ashley Christensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Re-uping this review for Publishing Day!*
***ARC Provided by NetGalley***

I admire Doree so much.
I have known of her since she started dating her husband, and have followed her career basically since- I tune in every week to both of her podcasts, and follow her on social media. So I was planning on buying her book or getting it from the library (or both!), and then, surprise, I got a galley!

It's hard to review a galley because you know some things will change. Overall, the book was wonderful, and gave me a glimpse of who Doree is to her core, and I also think this will be a great, relatable book to those that feel the way she does: that she is a late bloomer, that she floundered in her career a lot, took her time to get to life's "big events", and that, ultimately, ended up where she should at the time she should have. I definitely have a few people in mind that I can't wait to recommend this to!

However, there were some pacing problems that I'm hoping will be resolved in the final copy. In some places, I felt like I was being rushed to the finish line, and in others, I found myself wondering how many times I need to re-read about her sister. I get it, she's younger and had her life together early on, I don't need to be reminded no fewer than 4 times, and I'm hoping this issue gets resolved in the final printing (and because I love Doree so much and this is really the only thing that kept me from a 5 star review, I will be reading this when I get my hands on a final copy).

Overall, as stated above, I did enjoy this book. I think it will be a great benefit to those that are similar to Doree. I just wish the pacing had been different in places- but I will be getting the final copy to come back and update this review.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I kept waiting for this book to be about something other than straight people dating. 🤷‍♀️ This book was too hetero for me and the author was not a late bloomer in her career at all which annoyed me to no end.

[Kate Niestrom · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't really know what this book was trying to be. In it, I was looking for kinship, I suppose. It was marketed to me as the success story of one woman who was single longer than all of her friends, who put her career first and took the beat of her biological clock and made her own brand new song. And it was sort of like that... but it was also sort of all over the place.

In "Thanks for Waiting," we see Doree's entire life, and a lot of that is unnecessary. I don't really need to know how she felt about her mom having another child when she was seven, or about her troubles fitting in at sleepaway camp. When we finally get to the purpose of the book, her subject of blooming late, we see that it's not really that big of a thing in her life. She dates A LOT through her twenties and thirties, and has several very serious relationships. She gets dream job after dream job in media and then meets her husband on Tinder after a series of interesting flings in her late thirties (she makes sure to mention dating Marc Anthony's touring bassist A LOT.)

The part of the book that I found most compelling was her struggle with IVF and getting pregnant in her forties. It felt real and relatable, even to a 27-year-old who has never once wanted to have a child in her life. What I was looking for in this memoir, however, was the feeling of struggling with something that seemed to come so easily with everyone else, and Shafrir's pregnancy journey communicated that beautifully.

This book was fun and at times, interesting, despite also being sort of a jumble. It's not what it seems, although, as the point of this memoir reiterates, when is anything?

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick read that is fun as a listener of the podcast but probably lacks broader appeal. The most interesting parts to me were towards the end about her infertility journey and adjustments to motherhood. Some of the work and dating stories felt too personal to me in a sorta cringey way.

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this book without reading any reviews. The only reason I finished it was because it felt like a waste of my money to not.

I should start by saying that I don’t expect all memoirs to follow a format where the author connects their life experiences to data or studies. However, considering Doree Shafrir’s journalism background, I expected some sort of research on the increasing population of single women over the age of 30 and contributing societal factors.

Instead, the book was a fully isolated memoir with a couple purely opinion based references to society here and there. Fair enough. But even as a life-experience-only memoir, “Thanks for Waiting: The Joy (& Weirdness) of Being a Late Bloomer” is not good.

My biggest issue is the pacing. Shafrir goes from her childhood to college then largely skips over her 20s. Again, fair enough. This is a memoir about being a “late bloomer.” But the time jump left it feeling like there are large gaps of missing information. (For example: Several times during the first part of the book, she references dropping out of a PhD program in her 20s, but nowhere is there explanation of what happened, even though it clearly impacted her decision making several times.)

The first almost 130 pages are basically her detailing her dating and sexual exploits, along with some career-based spiraling. Which would be fine, but they’re all written with a voice that gives “I’m uncomfortable with how privileged my life has been thus far so I have to really ham up how bad things felt to get sympathy” vibes.

Then, she moves to LA and meets her now-husband. This whole section gave me narrative whiplash. Given the fact an on-again, off-again fuckboy “relationship” was given a full 18 pages, Shafrir went from matching with her husband on Tinder to being engaged and trying to get pregnant in only 27 pages. There’s very little about the development of their relationship. The most descriptive she gets about the relationship’s emotional development is: “The honeymoon phase of strolling around New York hand in hand may have been over, but there was still so much I loved about Matt.”

The next 91 pages detail her experience and frustrations with IVF. All of which are completely valid. IVF is a taxing and frustrating process. Eventually, Shafrir does have a successful pregnancy and the last 25 pages are about all her frustrations with motherhood and how everything didn’t just click into place and become magically easy once she had what she wanted.

Given the fact the title is “Thanks for Waiting: The JOYS (& Weirdness) of Being a Late Bloomer,” there is very little joy to be found in this book. Shafrir instead comes across as unlikable and lacking any sort of introspective ability. The only constant in the book is that she is dissatisfied with her lot in life, regardless of whether she gets what she wants or not. The most enjoyable part of this was the last page about the typeface used. It gave a nice 2 paragraph history on Garamond.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listening to Thanks for Waiting was truly an act of self-care. I have been a huge fan of the Forever 35 podcast since Jenny Han posted about it in 2018 so this book was at the top of my list for my most anticipated reads of the year.

Doree explores being a late bloomer in this memoir and grapples with not being on society’s timeline of the big milestones. She discusses a variety of topics including dating, relationships, career, body image, IVF, and more.

Ultimately, this book filled me with a sense of comfort that I don’t need to worry about being on anyone else’s timeline except my own and that’s totally ok! I think so many people are going to connect with this book and I’m happy it exists! I highly recommend the audiobook as its narrated by the author.

[Nōn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Doree's beautiful memoir, Thanks For Waiting, is a thoughtful, hilarious, and compassionate reflection on belonging, empathy for self, and honoring the parts of our real and valid experiences that often get lost (or intentionally excluded) within the soul-sucking systems of enough-ness, patriarchy, capitalism, and the all-powerful "shoulds."

I'm grateful to be a late bloomer. And grateful for this book!

[Katie Dillon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this a lot! Doree is such an interesting person and I enjoyed spending time in her brain. We have a lot of the same life experiences and it was very cool to see that reflected in a book, especially when so much of modern society dictates a certain narrative about what life "should" be. This book helps you stay at peace with wherever you're at in life, which can be a helpful reminder for those of us who feel "behind."

[Chana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved reading this, partly because I could relate to so much of what she was writing (though not the marriage and pregnancy part). I will admit I was already a fan because of listening to the F35 podcast. However, I appreciated Doree’s reflection on privilege in the later half and her ability to point out both why she was able to make the choices she did, as well as her entirely valid feelings about the process.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never listened to Doree's (apparently super successful!) podcasts before, but as a late bloomer myself, I was intrigued by the concept of this memoir. And I ate it right up, finishing it in two days. It is sincere and sharp, and it made me feel like less of a weirdo. While the pacing in some parts is a bit off, that didn't keep me from loving this book hard.

[Sacha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most readers who come to this memoir will have a sense of who Doree Shafrir is because she has been so public and forthcoming about major aspects of her life for several years now, and I think this group will get what they are hoping for: a clear through line in a known voice. Folks who are new to Shafrir have a lot to look forward to, as well.

While this was a slow start for me (I read Part One in small chunks over a couple of weeks), I read the remainder of the work in one sitting. Some of the early chapters include memorable scenes and moments that certainly set up the essential flow of the work: the development of the "late bloomer." Readers will find cultural touchpoints and rites of passage in these early chapters, and if they - like me - are close in age to Shafrir, these insights may provoke some fun nostalgia. But what makes Shafrir's life and this work stand out are the events in the second half of the work, including her descriptions of meeting her future partner, going through IVF, and grappling with the details of new motherhood. As a person who has NEVER seen the appeal of having my own children (quite the opposite over here), even I found the sections on fertility and new motherhood profound. Folks who have had experiences similar to Shafrir's should come to this piece with self-care in mind. While many readers - like the podcast listeners Shafrir references - may find these discussions healing, empowering, and uplifting, others may find this content extremely difficult to manage. What most readers should experience is that Shafrir takes a forthright approach to her truths. She does not shy away from disappointments or tough realities, even in the face of others' harsh judgements (including, potentially, readers of this work). This is a particularly powerful aspect of the memoir overall.

Shafrir's experiences may be relatable to many readers, but what resonated with me most is how she confronts critical moments and milestones in her life and presents them in ways that - assumedly - reflect her realities versus societal expectations.

*Special thanks to NetGalley and Ballantine Books for this arc, which I received in exchange for the above honest review.

[Barrie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I stopped listening to Eggcellent Adventure bc after a while I was sick of Doree and Matt bickering at each other or complaining about other things around them. I couldn't get through Forever 35, bc it felt a bit like the same issue with Eggcellent - in that there was a negative vibe I couldn't get away from. She doesn't seem like the kind of person who is ever satisfied, and it's even more so apparent in this book-where she's constantly reaching for the next box to check, but she's not even sure why. She's just following the playbook, never living in the present? I'm not sure. I mean, the late bloomer thing was a reach so I just listened to hear her story. I wanted to like her, as I wanted to like her in her podcasts-but I'm just not getting it, I guess. I tried.

[Haley Bierman-holloway · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. I had high hopes that this book would be something autobiographical AND well researched, and something I could see myself in, but life is too short for this shit.

The author identifies as a late bloomer mostly because her younger sister gets married first, and subjects the reader to an ENDLESS LITANY of indistinguishable ex-boyfriends, all of whom are rendered nearly as shallow as she herself is.

There were a couple of smart observations, such as the fact that our society views women as being young until they're 'over the hill', as well as the fact that men aren't judged by the same measuring stick as women as far as life milestones are considered. I waited nearly three and a half hours for her elaborate on these interesting ideas, but she didn't. Time to move on.

[Lina Conk · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really admire the vulnerability and honestly behind this memoir. I do think I would have appreciated it more if I had listened to Doree’s podcast. The beginning was a little slow for me with it being centered so much around her dating fails. But I really felt her story behind fertility and IVF journey was one that so many can relate. There was in ease in her writing and I did really feel was authentic.

[Molly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Doree Shafrir, one of the hosts of the podcast "Forever35", writes a memoir about being a late bloomer. I love "Forever35 and I am a fan of Shafrir's, so I was really excited to read this memoir. I have really enjoyed Sharfrir's book and TV show recommendations and her occasional "Doree's Hotel" segments. Therefore, it is hard for me to say this, but I found her memoir to be a bit disappointing.

First, what I did like. I enjoyed hearing about Shafrir's career trajectory and life pivots, how she met her husband, their courtship and marriage, and their journey with IVF and their podcast about it. I also loved learning about the origins of "Forever35, " how she met Kate Spencer, her co-host, and the process of writing her first book, a novel.

Now, what I did not like. Overall, the book feels a bit incohesive and despite being broken into three parts, it feels like it lacks structure. She spends a bit too much time talking about some things but kind of skips over others that I think would be more interesting. For example, She alludes to having done a PHD program in history in her 20's but deciding to leave the program after getting a Masters. She doesn't really go into why she decided not to continue. I would love to hear about it and what made her change directions. In fact, she kind of skips over her 20's entirely and I wanted to know more about them. Conversely, she goes into great detail about dating and the various relationships she had before getting married at 38. This would be fine but it often felt like too much detail. Sometimes, in ways that made me cringe.

Finally, I think that the biggest disappointment is that the joy part of the subtitle just doesn't seem to be there for the most part, only the weirdness. It seems to me that Shafrir comes off as kind of negative and, at times, a bit judgmental. Throughout the book she seems to have very "woe is me" vibe even when good things happen to her. I don't get this vibe when listening to her on "Forever35" but perhaps it is because she is cohosting with Kate, who is definitely a very positive person. I'm not saying that she can't discuss negative things or be sad about tough things, but in this book, she really seems to focus on them. I guess I was hoping to hear more from Shafrir about living a fulfilling life even if things don't happen the way you would like.

Overall, the things I liked about this book I really liked but they were outweighed by the things I didn't like. I would recommend to "Forever35" listeners with caveats but probably not to those not already familiar with Shafrir.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting look into late blooming, the anxiety of being behind, and the confidence of doing things on one’s own timeline. The accomplishments of Shafrir are impressive: editorial and writing accolades, a novel, and two podcasts, and she details the path that was not as direct as she may have wanted. The parts that interested me most were her career trajectory, the development of her novel Startup and hosting two podcasts, her relationship with her husband, and her pregnancy and early motherhood days. I found myself cheering for her and her spouse, their family, and their endeavors. She had a resilience and honesty that I admired. Her insights on our current cultural moments had me thinking, and I liked the humor with which she touched upon some complicated topics.

[MK · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Doree’s podcast so I was pumped about the book. It felt like 25 blog posts put together- choppy and predictable. If you listen to the podcast, then you’ll find there was almost nothing new shared. I kept waiting for there to be more about her late bloomer concept but I never came (the last two minutes try to tie it up but I personally didn’t think it was helpful) and for that I was sad. I really wanted her to dive deep into the later bloomer idea and it never came.

Maybe I just expected too much of a favorite podcaster. It wasn’t a bad book by any means but it wasn’t all that interesting either. It feels weird to call someone’s life not interesting- and I don’t mean it that way- I just thought her relaying of the stories was dry and drab and lacked the exciting details that keeps someone reading.

[Niki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I honestly loved this memoir. I found it refreshing and honest, and incredibly well-written. I love everything that Doree has created in the past, and this book is no different. Would recommend for anyone who feels like their life is taking a meandering path, or they're constantly playing the comparison game. We all take different journeys and Doree celebrates that fact!

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous. I’m a huge Forever35 and Eggcellent Adventure fan so it felt like my friend was telling me a story of her life. She brought up so many topics that are completely relatable to every woman/mom/human (like dating! Breastfeeding! Women in the workplace!) She makes you not feel alone or crazy for feeling a lot of the same things. Fantastic read.

[Jessica Jasso · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was just too bored to finish it. She’s a great writer, there’s no questioning that, but I’ve listened to Forever35 for a couple years now, and I don’t like her personality. I thought I’d give this memoir a chance and learn a little more about her. But alas… couldn’t get into this one, still don’t like her personality.

[Katie Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great memoir! Its self care just reading this! Do yourself a favor and dive in!

[Mara Strobel-Lanka · Rating 2 out of 5]

The title is by far the best part of this book. I found myself constantly waiting to be wooed with a gem of humor or insight that just never came.

[Christie Maliyackel · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I appreciated the author’s openness and candidness as she navigated the challenges of adulting - i.e. finding a fulfilling job, finding a partner, navigating the difficulties of getting pregnant.

Her pregnancy journey was particularly raw, and I appreciated how she shared all the emotional highs and lows. However, I felt like the end was rather rushed, and it succumbed to everything that had bothered her throughout her adulting journey - i.e. just when you give up hope, you wind up pregnant (in this instance, after countless IVF treatments), then have a glimpse into how difficult those first months are, but then magically it all works out.

This was at 4 stars for me, but the irony of how she chose to frame the ending soured me a bit (i.e. ‘it all works out’… but what does that really mean?) - it reduced the author’s authenticity. That, and the fact that this ultimately turned out to be a ‘relatively traditional’ adulting journey, simply with ‘a few bumps along the way’, made me wonder what differentiates this from others who are late bloomers.

[Victoria Perkins · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had such high hopes for this book, but unfortunately the author suffers from a case of "I'm not like other girls," and her life is actually super ordinary. I wish there was more emphasis on her careers, early 20s, relationships with family, or the progession of her friendships as she moved into her 30s, but it was mostly about finding a husband and having a baby which...I'm sorry, but even though it was 10 years later than your New York socialite friends, that is not a unique experience. At all. The concept of her being a "late bloomer" was so thin, and I don't really understand dedicating half of the book to detailing her IVF experience, but two stars because I liked the part about summer camp and the section of her dating in her late 20s / early 30s.

[Cait]

I thought this was more essays than memoir, which is 100% on me.