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Dragged Up And Torn Apart: A gut-wrenching memoir of childhood trauma, and the unique bond of twins
This is the true story of a twin's recovery from childhood trauma he never realised he suffered. Cain and his brother were thick as thieves. They were thieves. And arsonists, or whatever else they needed to be to survive their childhood of neglect, starvation, and beatings.
They were pranksters too. Cain recollects the 80's in a positive light despite the terrible hardships. At the time, he thought the life he lived was normal.
His story is one of humour, wit, camaraderie, love and adventure. Above all, it's an example of how working to overcome trauma can heal and break the cycle.
The twin bond helped Cain survive all these ordeals until it was severed. After, he was left with mental scars and a terror of death he could not conquer. He explores these issues with his psychologist, and at last confronts the truth of his past, the possibilities of his future and the one thing he wants most of all...
Just to be normal.
They were pranksters too. Cain recollects the 80's in a positive light despite the terrible hardships. At the time, he thought the life he lived was normal.
His story is one of humour, wit, camaraderie, love and adventure. Above all, it's an example of how working to overcome trauma can heal and break the cycle.
The twin bond helped Cain survive all these ordeals until it was severed. After, he was left with mental scars and a terror of death he could not conquer. He explores these issues with his psychologist, and at last confronts the truth of his past, the possibilities of his future and the one thing he wants most of all...
Just to be normal.
Kindle Edition
Published October 8, 2021
7 people are currently reading
21 people want to read
About the author
Cain Quillman
3 books13 followersCain Quillman is a U.K. Author living in Durham. He was raised in the North East, alongside his twin - Neil.
Burning one school, and being expelled from the following one, Cain left school education with no qualifications. As a result, he spent his youth searching for employment, love, and a friendship that would replace the sudden absence of his twin.
Cain eventually settled down in a small town called Durham, which is situated in the North East of England and started writing in 2020 after his psychologist explained it would be a good healing process. Since that advice, he spends his evenings battling with persistent cats (Ninja and Bop), finding appropriate words for his next book, and persevering with his neurological condition - M.E. (chronic fatigue syndrome).
I enjoy chatting with my followers on Instagram. Head over to @cainquillman and say hi.
Burning one school, and being expelled from the following one, Cain left school education with no qualifications. As a result, he spent his youth searching for employment, love, and a friendship that would replace the sudden absence of his twin.
Cain eventually settled down in a small town called Durham, which is situated in the North East of England and started writing in 2020 after his psychologist explained it would be a good healing process. Since that advice, he spends his evenings battling with persistent cats (Ninja and Bop), finding appropriate words for his next book, and persevering with his neurological condition - M.E. (chronic fatigue syndrome).
I enjoy chatting with my followers on Instagram. Head over to @cainquillman and say hi.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
December 11, 2021
This book is about as far away from my normal reading as the Earth is from its moon. I was completely unprepared for what I would find in these pages, which only made the impact that much more powerful.
It begins with a man irrationally fearful of death, and his first conversation with his psychologist. When asked about his childhood, the man answers, “I had a great childhood.“ The majority of the book then proceeds to show us exactly how diametrically opposite of great this childhood was.
We learn about twin brothers, Cain and Neil, and follow them through their misbehavior and antics. While told in a dispassionate narrative, it's not long before these young boys inserted themselves into my heart as I experienced their adventures alongside them. And while the boys view many of their experiences through an adventurous lens shared in vivid detail, it quickly becomes apparent there is a strong subtext. The dissonance of these childhood adventures and treatment of a child that should never occur then carries the story.
Young Cain and Neil would be a handful for the best of mothers, but a narcissistic, neglectful mother doesn’t even bother, meting out blows and curses for punishment rather than the teaching and nurturing of traditional motherhood. When this is the only parenting the boys have known, they believe it is the norm, yet their acting out speaks loudly, saying otherwise.
We follow the boys into their teenage years and finish up by completing the discussion between the adult man and his psychologist. Here we are blessed with a beautiful, life-changing, epiphanal moment and its profound impact on both the character and the reader. We see the stigma in seeking help for mental health, and how convolutedly wrong that is, as well as the need for mental and emotional strength to reframe past events and overcome their effects.
An exceptional literary work should be unsettling. It should coax us out of our comfort zone to see things beyond ourselves. It should be enlightening, encouraging us to learn and grow and discover hidden things about ourselves. It should be profound, shaking our foundation to the degree that we have no choice but to change our heart to accommodate its lessons. This book does just that.
In a world where weakness is prized and anxiety is the norm, it's imperative for the messages of this book to be heard. It's the difference between barely surviving or drifting along, and having hope, thriving, and living the best life possible. As timely as it is timeless, this true-life story is poignant, powerful, evocative and vital. I challenge every book lover to read this extraordinary story. I promise, your life will be deeply touched, more fully enriched, and forever changed by these words and their message.
It begins with a man irrationally fearful of death, and his first conversation with his psychologist. When asked about his childhood, the man answers, “I had a great childhood.“ The majority of the book then proceeds to show us exactly how diametrically opposite of great this childhood was.
We learn about twin brothers, Cain and Neil, and follow them through their misbehavior and antics. While told in a dispassionate narrative, it's not long before these young boys inserted themselves into my heart as I experienced their adventures alongside them. And while the boys view many of their experiences through an adventurous lens shared in vivid detail, it quickly becomes apparent there is a strong subtext. The dissonance of these childhood adventures and treatment of a child that should never occur then carries the story.
Young Cain and Neil would be a handful for the best of mothers, but a narcissistic, neglectful mother doesn’t even bother, meting out blows and curses for punishment rather than the teaching and nurturing of traditional motherhood. When this is the only parenting the boys have known, they believe it is the norm, yet their acting out speaks loudly, saying otherwise.
We follow the boys into their teenage years and finish up by completing the discussion between the adult man and his psychologist. Here we are blessed with a beautiful, life-changing, epiphanal moment and its profound impact on both the character and the reader. We see the stigma in seeking help for mental health, and how convolutedly wrong that is, as well as the need for mental and emotional strength to reframe past events and overcome their effects.
An exceptional literary work should be unsettling. It should coax us out of our comfort zone to see things beyond ourselves. It should be enlightening, encouraging us to learn and grow and discover hidden things about ourselves. It should be profound, shaking our foundation to the degree that we have no choice but to change our heart to accommodate its lessons. This book does just that.
In a world where weakness is prized and anxiety is the norm, it's imperative for the messages of this book to be heard. It's the difference between barely surviving or drifting along, and having hope, thriving, and living the best life possible. As timely as it is timeless, this true-life story is poignant, powerful, evocative and vital. I challenge every book lover to read this extraordinary story. I promise, your life will be deeply touched, more fully enriched, and forever changed by these words and their message.
August 17, 2021
I have had the pleasure of reading an ARC from a new author I’d like to introduce to you, Cain Quillman, and he and his words knocked my socks off.
Cains book is a memoir that grips you from the very first page. A true life story told through the eyes of one twin but sharing their mutual childhood traumas, neglect, abandonment and in essence... missing LOVE.
Although they were pranksters and survived hardships they believed their childhood to be normal.
Yes they were terrible twins but as the book progresses you remind yourself abuse can be much more than physical and sexual. Severe child deprivation.
As the books first chapter unfolds, Cain is a grown man, and has developed a serious mental illness. He turns in desperation to a physiologist and tells his story.
The mental scars have come back to haunt him in a way most of us couldn’t even begin to understand. Real, raw and such emotion from a young boy.
You read, you stop, you count your blessings and reflect on how the twins lived like feral dogs at times.. looking for food because Mam didn’t leave any.
Told in detail, but not too much. To say this author let his guard down and wrote such an honest memoir is an understatement.. Cain bares his soul and and I am sure this story will resonate with so many people.
Dragged up and Torn Apart is set in the North East of Durham, England in the 70’s and 80’s. So for you 80’s folk you’ll recognize a lot of his references, especially if your from the North of England.
Those who know Cain will maybe recognise his daily wit and humour as the pages turn. He makes light of situations. He soldiers on through life trying his best to protect his younger twin.
I wanted to go back in time and take him and his brother Neil home to become part of my beautiful loving family.
I never had brothers or siblings for that matter. But I know we would have been the most loyalist brothers and sister.
To read Cains story is one of love and connection - love for a brother and a Mother that I found hard to understand.
All Cain wanted was to be normal.
I can’t wait to read Cains second book.. I guess I’ll have to be patient.
This book which publishes on October the 8th is now available for preorder and when I get my copy it will be staying permanently on my book case alongside my other favourites.
Well done on your debut such an honest relatable book. 5 BIg Durham stars ⭐️
December 21, 2021
An easy read about a difficult subject.
This book should have been harder to read than it was, but the author’s irrepressible humour and resilience shine through. That leant me, as the reader, his strength. My heart breaks for what he went through, but it also stands up and cheers for the man and what he has done for the boy still hurting inside. There is power in advocacy. Especially when you do it for yourself.
This book should have been harder to read than it was, but the author’s irrepressible humour and resilience shine through. That leant me, as the reader, his strength. My heart breaks for what he went through, but it also stands up and cheers for the man and what he has done for the boy still hurting inside. There is power in advocacy. Especially when you do it for yourself.
January 7, 2022
This type of book is not my typical genre to read, but I will always admire those that write about their lives and traumas unashamedly, which, in turn help others that can relate to situations and know that they are not alone.
How you grow up and the experiences you face will contribute to your life as you grow, affecting you in ways you would never know. It takes a lot of courage to face that truth and even more to be proactive in changing the course of your thoughts.
Cain writes with humour while also conveying heartbreaking situations which makes reading something with numerous triggers an enjoyable and easier read than you would expect. I laughed out loud at parts (that poor bus driver) and could empathise with him in others which is testament to his writing style. This is a fab debut novel. I look forward to reading more about Cain's journey in the next book.
How you grow up and the experiences you face will contribute to your life as you grow, affecting you in ways you would never know. It takes a lot of courage to face that truth and even more to be proactive in changing the course of your thoughts.
Cain writes with humour while also conveying heartbreaking situations which makes reading something with numerous triggers an enjoyable and easier read than you would expect. I laughed out loud at parts (that poor bus driver) and could empathise with him in others which is testament to his writing style. This is a fab debut novel. I look forward to reading more about Cain's journey in the next book.
July 22, 2022
An absorbing account of a challenging childhood
Sandwiched between opening and closing slices of talking to a psychologist, the meat of the book provides an entertaining account of the author’s difficult childhood years, growing up in and around Sunderland in the 1980s.
Much of it focuses on the close bond between Cain and his twin brother Neil, and on how they pulled together to get by despite a family and home life that was less than settled and supportive. Mum and dad living apart, several changes in homes, schools and friends, day-to-day life on the breadline ... far from an easy upbringing.
Having grown up in the same era, the descriptions of 80s life brought both similar and contrasting memories for me as I read along enjoying the humour. Attractions to fire, theft and pranks were rather too familiar, as were the challenges of forming new friends and understanding girls.
While I’m quite sure that the author’s talent for writing was not acquired from school, this was a well-crafted and entertaining read.
Sandwiched between opening and closing slices of talking to a psychologist, the meat of the book provides an entertaining account of the author’s difficult childhood years, growing up in and around Sunderland in the 1980s.
Much of it focuses on the close bond between Cain and his twin brother Neil, and on how they pulled together to get by despite a family and home life that was less than settled and supportive. Mum and dad living apart, several changes in homes, schools and friends, day-to-day life on the breadline ... far from an easy upbringing.
Having grown up in the same era, the descriptions of 80s life brought both similar and contrasting memories for me as I read along enjoying the humour. Attractions to fire, theft and pranks were rather too familiar, as were the challenges of forming new friends and understanding girls.
While I’m quite sure that the author’s talent for writing was not acquired from school, this was a well-crafted and entertaining read.
June 21, 2022
Who hasn’t asked this question?
“All I want is to be normal; is that too much to ask?” This is the opening line of Dragged Up and Torn Apart. Right away, I knew I’d find a kindred spirit within the pages of Quillman’s memoir. Told in a meandering style of nostalgic reverie (how he had viewed his youth before seeking therapy), his candid account of a challenging upbringing will resonate with anyone who has struggled in their adult life as a result of neglect and abuse as a child. Anyone who has not will benefit from a better understanding of those who have. Quillman’s forthright tale of discovery and healing culminates with a thoughtful reflection on how people view mental health issues, their own as well as those of others, and the importance of getting past that stigma to ask for help.
“All I want is to be normal; is that too much to ask?” This is the opening line of Dragged Up and Torn Apart. Right away, I knew I’d find a kindred spirit within the pages of Quillman’s memoir. Told in a meandering style of nostalgic reverie (how he had viewed his youth before seeking therapy), his candid account of a challenging upbringing will resonate with anyone who has struggled in their adult life as a result of neglect and abuse as a child. Anyone who has not will benefit from a better understanding of those who have. Quillman’s forthright tale of discovery and healing culminates with a thoughtful reflection on how people view mental health issues, their own as well as those of others, and the importance of getting past that stigma to ask for help.
December 6, 2021
I was fortunate enough to be an ARC reader for this very special book. Having helped a few people with life stories myself, I know how easy it is to get it wrong. Cain doesn’t get it wrong, he gets it right. The story is page-turning, sensitively told, while being brutally honest.
There is an overarching theme of mental health issues which I felt was dealt with honestly. You will learn so much from this book, it’s a beautifully portrayed bildungsroman and I feel honoured to have had the opportunity to read it.
There is an overarching theme of mental health issues which I felt was dealt with honestly. You will learn so much from this book, it’s a beautifully portrayed bildungsroman and I feel honoured to have had the opportunity to read it.
November 23, 2021
I had the pleasure of being an ARC reader for a dear friend. I'm not giving this story 5 stars because he's an author friend of mine, I'm giving it 5 stars because it truly deserves it.
Cain explained his story in just enough detail to not under tell or over tell his story. I love how easy he made the flow go as growing to one age to another. Cain never mentioned age until toward the end of the book, but it wasn't necessary. He left it to your own imagination and you could certainly guess the ages of time.
There were times I choked up in certain chapters. The way Cain expressed his feelings in certain areas made my heart sink. If a story can make me cry not once, not twice, but a few times, that's a 5 star rating in MY book!
This talks about mental abuse and it touches a lot of areas that I'm sure a lot of us can relate in. Even though mental abuse is hard to talk about and overcome, Cain did. And for anyone who is going through just an once of this type of feeling should read Cain's story. Not only is it relatable in so many ways, it's also uplifting and inspiring.
This has become one of my favorite books and I will be ordering a paperback copy for myself once it is released in October of 2021. If you want to snag an ebook copy for yourself, I'd suggest getting your pre-order copy now on Amazon!
Congratulations, Cain! This was truly a real treat to read and thank you for letting all us readers into your mind and life.
Cain explained his story in just enough detail to not under tell or over tell his story. I love how easy he made the flow go as growing to one age to another. Cain never mentioned age until toward the end of the book, but it wasn't necessary. He left it to your own imagination and you could certainly guess the ages of time.
There were times I choked up in certain chapters. The way Cain expressed his feelings in certain areas made my heart sink. If a story can make me cry not once, not twice, but a few times, that's a 5 star rating in MY book!
This talks about mental abuse and it touches a lot of areas that I'm sure a lot of us can relate in. Even though mental abuse is hard to talk about and overcome, Cain did. And for anyone who is going through just an once of this type of feeling should read Cain's story. Not only is it relatable in so many ways, it's also uplifting and inspiring.
This has become one of my favorite books and I will be ordering a paperback copy for myself once it is released in October of 2021. If you want to snag an ebook copy for yourself, I'd suggest getting your pre-order copy now on Amazon!
Congratulations, Cain! This was truly a real treat to read and thank you for letting all us readers into your mind and life.
September 6, 2021
I was one of the lucky few to have gotten an advance copy of this book. Even though I was already reading another book, I put it on pause for a moment and started this one.
The book is written by Cain, one half of a twin, and takes us on a walk down memory lane. If memory lane was a dark alley after midnight, in a bad part of town.
It starts with a visit to a psychiatrist where Cain unravels everything he and his brother went through; describing it all in a raw and graphic way, in hopes of uncovering the root cause of his negative thinking.
The writing style makes you live everything as if you were there, feeling all kinds of emotions, the good and the bad. We get an inside look to life as a twin and a teenage boy in the 80s, with a mom who should care more.
It takes place in Britain and it actually feels really British while reading it, even had to look up some words.
I enjoyed reading it and was happy to hear there will be a second book. I want to know more!
The book is written by Cain, one half of a twin, and takes us on a walk down memory lane. If memory lane was a dark alley after midnight, in a bad part of town.
It starts with a visit to a psychiatrist where Cain unravels everything he and his brother went through; describing it all in a raw and graphic way, in hopes of uncovering the root cause of his negative thinking.
The writing style makes you live everything as if you were there, feeling all kinds of emotions, the good and the bad. We get an inside look to life as a twin and a teenage boy in the 80s, with a mom who should care more.
It takes place in Britain and it actually feels really British while reading it, even had to look up some words.
I enjoyed reading it and was happy to hear there will be a second book. I want to know more!
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January 27, 2022This was a very emotional and at the same time difficult read for me.
This is a memoir of a person who tries to find answers as to why he has certain fears. He goes back to his childhood because these answers are believed to be hidden somewhere around there.
Now..why it was emotional and difficult for me? Well..Cain's fear happens to be the same with mine. He is afraid of catching a disease and dying and well.. I'm so freaking scared of death as well 😔.
I will try not to talk any further about me though because this is about Cain and his book.
I don't know if I would ever be brave enough to reminisce and talk about my childhood in the way that Cain did. He was very honest and open about the things he did with his twin brother when they were young. Some of them were extreme but..kids 🤷.
Cain looked in his past for finding the reasons behind his fears because that was the advice of his psychologist. He believed that Cain's childhood had a lot of trauma that affected him later in his life.
Truth to be told? His relationship with his family definitely played a major role in shaping his attitude, character and personality.
I would definitely describe this book as eye opening and deep. Did it help me with my fears? Nah..
I'm not ready to find the reasoning behind them so for the moment.. I'm brushing them under the rug. I'm extremely happy though that Cain sought help and took that leap of faith to finally be calm. ♥️
It was definitely rewarding for him. ♥️
I don't know if you've read a memoir before but if you haven't then you need to know that they're extremely interesting. I don't know why but reading other peoples' memoir is hella intense. Why? Maybe because the things that are mentioned there, happened. They're true events. Not taken out of their fantasy or something. Damn..you see now why i said I don't know if i would ever be brave enough to write a memoir? There are things in my past that I'm not proud of..and these people..this man puts it out to the world to see. 🙈
This is not a review. This is an experience. So I will not rate it because the "excellent" is 5 ⭐ and 5 ⭐ for this book would not be enough.
This is a memoir of a person who tries to find answers as to why he has certain fears. He goes back to his childhood because these answers are believed to be hidden somewhere around there.
Now..why it was emotional and difficult for me? Well..Cain's fear happens to be the same with mine. He is afraid of catching a disease and dying and well.. I'm so freaking scared of death as well 😔.
I will try not to talk any further about me though because this is about Cain and his book.
I don't know if I would ever be brave enough to reminisce and talk about my childhood in the way that Cain did. He was very honest and open about the things he did with his twin brother when they were young. Some of them were extreme but..kids 🤷.
Cain looked in his past for finding the reasons behind his fears because that was the advice of his psychologist. He believed that Cain's childhood had a lot of trauma that affected him later in his life.
Truth to be told? His relationship with his family definitely played a major role in shaping his attitude, character and personality.
I would definitely describe this book as eye opening and deep. Did it help me with my fears? Nah..
I'm not ready to find the reasoning behind them so for the moment.. I'm brushing them under the rug. I'm extremely happy though that Cain sought help and took that leap of faith to finally be calm. ♥️
It was definitely rewarding for him. ♥️
I don't know if you've read a memoir before but if you haven't then you need to know that they're extremely interesting. I don't know why but reading other peoples' memoir is hella intense. Why? Maybe because the things that are mentioned there, happened. They're true events. Not taken out of their fantasy or something. Damn..you see now why i said I don't know if i would ever be brave enough to write a memoir? There are things in my past that I'm not proud of..and these people..this man puts it out to the world to see. 🙈
This is not a review. This is an experience. So I will not rate it because the "excellent" is 5 ⭐ and 5 ⭐ for this book would not be enough.
December 22, 2021
Unlike any memoir I have read before, I find myself still marveling at the author’s willingness to be so vulnerable in sharing this deeply personal story. He is also to be commended for his exceptional ability to tell it in such a way that he transports the reader into the Tom Sawyer-like misadventures of boyhood without denying the more shadowy realities of his wounded upbringing.
Quillman bookends the story from the couch of his therapist’s office, grappling with immobilizing fears and coming to terms with how his troubled youth has shaped him as an adult. In between, he tells the breathtaking tale of Cain and Neil, inseparable twins known to the neighborhood as the “Quillies” and notorious for the mischief that seems to follow them wherever they go. The reader may be tempted to label the brothers’ sneaky, snickering, and sometimes unlawful troublemaking as “boys will be boys” until it is apparent that they are love-starved and seeking the attention they are denied by a cruel and neglectful narcissist of a mother and an absent, ill-equipped father. By depending on one another, the twins learn to endure emotional and sometimes physical abuse, sharpen their instincts, and find their way despite the unfair hand they were dealt.
One thing I found fascinating is that in their early years, Cain and Neil rely solely on one another; it’s them against the world. They are two impish peas in a pod, the former seeming content to follow the latter’s mischievous lead. But as the story develops and the boys age, Cain emerges as the stronger of the two and comes into his own, making standalone decisions and inevitably finding his own way. One can’t help but realize that his transformation wouldn’t be possible without having had the one constant in his life – his brother, companion, and partner in crime. As it turns out, the good fortune of sharing a womb not only gave the twins an unbreakable bond, it provided the means to survive and the will to keep searching for something better - especially the love they deserved all along.
Quillman bookends the story from the couch of his therapist’s office, grappling with immobilizing fears and coming to terms with how his troubled youth has shaped him as an adult. In between, he tells the breathtaking tale of Cain and Neil, inseparable twins known to the neighborhood as the “Quillies” and notorious for the mischief that seems to follow them wherever they go. The reader may be tempted to label the brothers’ sneaky, snickering, and sometimes unlawful troublemaking as “boys will be boys” until it is apparent that they are love-starved and seeking the attention they are denied by a cruel and neglectful narcissist of a mother and an absent, ill-equipped father. By depending on one another, the twins learn to endure emotional and sometimes physical abuse, sharpen their instincts, and find their way despite the unfair hand they were dealt.
One thing I found fascinating is that in their early years, Cain and Neil rely solely on one another; it’s them against the world. They are two impish peas in a pod, the former seeming content to follow the latter’s mischievous lead. But as the story develops and the boys age, Cain emerges as the stronger of the two and comes into his own, making standalone decisions and inevitably finding his own way. One can’t help but realize that his transformation wouldn’t be possible without having had the one constant in his life – his brother, companion, and partner in crime. As it turns out, the good fortune of sharing a womb not only gave the twins an unbreakable bond, it provided the means to survive and the will to keep searching for something better - especially the love they deserved all along.
January 14, 2022
WOW! THAT WAS UNEXPECTED!!
I was not expecting this book to be an eye opening "AHA!" moment!! But, oh my goodness, it was exactly that! It wasn't until the end of the book, however, that I was hit with that sudden feeling of being able to relate! I've been blindsided by issues with my mental health recently. I'll be 46 this year, and it was about 5 or 6 years ago that I, suddenly, was being attacked by my own mind! I was trying to walk off some anger after arguing with my boyfriend. As I was crossing a railroad crossing, as I'd done numerous times before in various moods (angry, sad, happy, etc.), without any adversity. This would not be the case on that day. Because, as I crossed those tracks, after looking both ways twice and listening for a distant whistle that I didn't hear therefore deeming it safe to proceed, a thought flashed through my head! I wondered what would happen if I heard a whistle, but instead of quickening my steps to get safely across, I just stopped? The think was gone just as quick as it came, but, the fact that it had been in my head at all had me freaking out and sprinting home to inform my boyfriend he needed to get me to the ER asap. I didn't know what was happening to me, but, I knew it wasn't normal. I'd never been suicidal or had any desire to harm myself before. I can't say that's even what my intentions were then. But, it was the beginning of what's still an ongoing struggle for me. Still don't know why I get sudden urges to, I guess, "runaway". I sometimes just feel the need to get get away from where I'm at (wherever that may be work, home, store, etc.), and do it fast before something bad happens! Although, it's totally unwarranted, it feels all too real at that moment.
I could go on and on , but this is just supposed too be a quick review of a book. LOL! The book is a wonderful read that had a surprising voice of encouragement at the end. I now feel like there's a some hope. And, can even see a pinhole of light at the end of the dark tunnel that is my mind.
Thank you, Cain.
I was not expecting this book to be an eye opening "AHA!" moment!! But, oh my goodness, it was exactly that! It wasn't until the end of the book, however, that I was hit with that sudden feeling of being able to relate! I've been blindsided by issues with my mental health recently. I'll be 46 this year, and it was about 5 or 6 years ago that I, suddenly, was being attacked by my own mind! I was trying to walk off some anger after arguing with my boyfriend. As I was crossing a railroad crossing, as I'd done numerous times before in various moods (angry, sad, happy, etc.), without any adversity. This would not be the case on that day. Because, as I crossed those tracks, after looking both ways twice and listening for a distant whistle that I didn't hear therefore deeming it safe to proceed, a thought flashed through my head! I wondered what would happen if I heard a whistle, but instead of quickening my steps to get safely across, I just stopped? The think was gone just as quick as it came, but, the fact that it had been in my head at all had me freaking out and sprinting home to inform my boyfriend he needed to get me to the ER asap. I didn't know what was happening to me, but, I knew it wasn't normal. I'd never been suicidal or had any desire to harm myself before. I can't say that's even what my intentions were then. But, it was the beginning of what's still an ongoing struggle for me. Still don't know why I get sudden urges to, I guess, "runaway". I sometimes just feel the need to get get away from where I'm at (wherever that may be work, home, store, etc.), and do it fast before something bad happens! Although, it's totally unwarranted, it feels all too real at that moment.
I could go on and on , but this is just supposed too be a quick review of a book. LOL! The book is a wonderful read that had a surprising voice of encouragement at the end. I now feel like there's a some hope. And, can even see a pinhole of light at the end of the dark tunnel that is my mind.
Thank you, Cain.
January 28, 2022
I can't rave enough about how good this book is. An absolute must read.
I expected this memoir to be a harrowing tale of twins ripped apart (that's what you get for only reading the cover and not the blurb). But it's not. This book is hilarious. The author is the best ever story teller and on each page, he turns traumatic events into funny stories.
He and his twin are mischief on legs. Their neglectful and abusive childhood is dealt with by their constant shenanigans, many are simply to eat and survive the neglect and poverty.
Cain does an impeccable job of describing his brother and his love and devotion for him. My heart was so warmed by his adoration and loyalty and affectionate descriptions of Neil's obsession with burning things and running amok with not a care in the world. Oh the scene where he hit the side of the car is a priceless visual and encapsulates their adventurous and mischievous nature.
Cain is a brilliant writer and storyteller. I have never highlighted so many (around 40) passages in the kindle version, that were either extremely good wording, a heartbreaking line about their dad or a hilarious story, sometimes all three at once.
I was blown away and taken aback that the beginning and end had strong overlaps with my own life and memoir and I connected with these parts on a deep personal level.
This is one of the best memoirs I have ever read. I will end with some of my favorite lines.
"A tall figure stood in the corner of the lift like a grandfather clock waiting for someone to come and reconfigure the hands of time."
"We chose to play in our room because burning things was more appealing to Neil."
"The new fence that was erected to keep the terrible twins out only helped us reach the apple tree."
"Mum said he was a plumber and an arsehole when asked what his job was."
"I watched his every moment while waiting to save him from harm. That is what I was born to do."
I expected this memoir to be a harrowing tale of twins ripped apart (that's what you get for only reading the cover and not the blurb). But it's not. This book is hilarious. The author is the best ever story teller and on each page, he turns traumatic events into funny stories.
He and his twin are mischief on legs. Their neglectful and abusive childhood is dealt with by their constant shenanigans, many are simply to eat and survive the neglect and poverty.
Cain does an impeccable job of describing his brother and his love and devotion for him. My heart was so warmed by his adoration and loyalty and affectionate descriptions of Neil's obsession with burning things and running amok with not a care in the world. Oh the scene where he hit the side of the car is a priceless visual and encapsulates their adventurous and mischievous nature.
Cain is a brilliant writer and storyteller. I have never highlighted so many (around 40) passages in the kindle version, that were either extremely good wording, a heartbreaking line about their dad or a hilarious story, sometimes all three at once.
I was blown away and taken aback that the beginning and end had strong overlaps with my own life and memoir and I connected with these parts on a deep personal level.
This is one of the best memoirs I have ever read. I will end with some of my favorite lines.
"A tall figure stood in the corner of the lift like a grandfather clock waiting for someone to come and reconfigure the hands of time."
"We chose to play in our room because burning things was more appealing to Neil."
"The new fence that was erected to keep the terrible twins out only helped us reach the apple tree."
"Mum said he was a plumber and an arsehole when asked what his job was."
"I watched his every moment while waiting to save him from harm. That is what I was born to do."
August 9, 2021
📚BOOK REVIEW 📚 Dragged Up & Torn Apart By Cain Quillman - Publication October 2021. I’ve followed Cain on Instagram for a few months I think now - check his page out!!. I love the banter in his posts - a nice down to earth guy ..... who just happens, to now have written a book, that is now in my top 10 of books read this year!! 📚 This book is about Cain’s life from childhood. It’s tells us about The highs and lows. His relationship with his Twin, father, mother, sister and also several friends throughout his younger life. I realise how nerve wracking it must be for authors but when you have been chatting on Instagram to the author..... you pray that you like/love their book!! I pride myself in always being honest BUT kind and never giving too much away in my reviews!
Sorry I digress - back to the book 😂🤦🏽♀️......
This has to be one of the most honest biographical books I have read. I went through every emotion whilst reading this book. I wanted to take the young Cain and hug him like a mother should. Being a mum myself, there was bits that did make me sad but the next bit I would be laughing. I think we are about the same age (I hope so or he will want to kill me!! 😂), so I could relate to things, like music & clubbing and discovering myself as a person. I loved finding out more about his relationship with his twin brother and his lack of relationship with his sister, through no fault of his. I have no siblings, so the loss of opportunities Cain had made me a bit sad.
I messaged Cain and said “you remind me of my husband when he was younger .... he was a little 💩 💩 too! 😂😂” The lovable Rogue is how I see younger Cain. The only downside of this book ......was I wanted to read more about his story!
🥰 I hope my review has done it justice 🥰 ....⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Thank you for the opportunity to read this ARC and review will be put on Goodreads as well!
Sorry I digress - back to the book 😂🤦🏽♀️......
This has to be one of the most honest biographical books I have read. I went through every emotion whilst reading this book. I wanted to take the young Cain and hug him like a mother should. Being a mum myself, there was bits that did make me sad but the next bit I would be laughing. I think we are about the same age (I hope so or he will want to kill me!! 😂), so I could relate to things, like music & clubbing and discovering myself as a person. I loved finding out more about his relationship with his twin brother and his lack of relationship with his sister, through no fault of his. I have no siblings, so the loss of opportunities Cain had made me a bit sad.
I messaged Cain and said “you remind me of my husband when he was younger .... he was a little 💩 💩 too! 😂😂” The lovable Rogue is how I see younger Cain. The only downside of this book ......was I wanted to read more about his story!
🥰 I hope my review has done it justice 🥰 ....⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Thank you for the opportunity to read this ARC and review will be put on Goodreads as well!
February 3, 2022
I grabbed a copy of this book on a free promo before Christmas and didn't enjoy it at all.
The author comes across as insensitive in a number of areas. A quote that stood out to me at the end of the book was this
"I strongly believe that mental strength plays a huge part in overcoming most things thrown at us throughout life. I certainly had the mental strength to deal with it directly instead of ignoring it and letting it take control of my thoughts and lead to things like depression, anxiety, and even suicide."
As someone who lost a relative to suicide last year, it left a bitter taste that the author perceives people with mental illness or suicide ideology as weak.
The author seemingly made a comment about the ability to seek mental health care as a matter of preference forgetting the financial costs of doing such in a very challenging environment.
"Asking for help is something most of the population prefers not to do."
This alone sets the attitude of the book. I found myself struggling to invest myself because of the attitudes expressed and repetitive nature of some of the text.
Throughout the book, I wanted to empathise with what he went through but the story felt forced and lacked both depth and context.
Overall it wasn't an enjoyable read for me.
The author comes across as insensitive in a number of areas. A quote that stood out to me at the end of the book was this
"I strongly believe that mental strength plays a huge part in overcoming most things thrown at us throughout life. I certainly had the mental strength to deal with it directly instead of ignoring it and letting it take control of my thoughts and lead to things like depression, anxiety, and even suicide."
As someone who lost a relative to suicide last year, it left a bitter taste that the author perceives people with mental illness or suicide ideology as weak.
The author seemingly made a comment about the ability to seek mental health care as a matter of preference forgetting the financial costs of doing such in a very challenging environment.
"Asking for help is something most of the population prefers not to do."
This alone sets the attitude of the book. I found myself struggling to invest myself because of the attitudes expressed and repetitive nature of some of the text.
Throughout the book, I wanted to empathise with what he went through but the story felt forced and lacked both depth and context.
Overall it wasn't an enjoyable read for me.
August 11, 2021
Dragged up and Torn Apart is told through the eyes of a child growing up in England in the '80s. He, along with his twin brother, seems to have a knack for getting tangled up in mishaps and wild adventures, and they find themselves labeled as trouble-makers as a result. The stories have an authentic British flavor (yes, there is footy, budgies, sellotape, and more), and as you take this journey with the twins through their adolescence, you'll probably cry, you'll definitely laugh out loud, and at some point, you'll start to get the feeling that things just aren't right. There are things going on, just beneath the surface. Things that need to be addressed. You might recognize them, but if you don't, it's okay. The author ties everything together in the end with one very powerful and inspirational message. What is that message? You'll have to take the journey with the twins to find out!
Overall, this is a well thought out memoir written with an engaging style that will keep you hooked to the end. Writing a book isn't easy, and writing about your own traumas isn't something just anyone could pull off. The author has a natural storytelling style, even when it's about the most painful of subjects, and he pulls it off beautifully.
Well done!
Overall, this is a well thought out memoir written with an engaging style that will keep you hooked to the end. Writing a book isn't easy, and writing about your own traumas isn't something just anyone could pull off. The author has a natural storytelling style, even when it's about the most painful of subjects, and he pulls it off beautifully.
Well done!
February 18, 2022
Well-told and engaging.
I enjoyed reading this memoir. It tells the story of a difficult childhood of twin brothers. Bad boys, mischievous. From a broken home; a neglectful mother. Told through the young Cain's eyes, he tells his story very matter-of-factly; just tells you things that happened, without comment, so the reader can decide how bad it was. It’s honest, well-observed, sometimes shocking, and there are some more light-hearted memories too.
It’s a concise easy read-yet at the same time there are some shocking and disturbing sections. Hard times that would go on to shape the rest of their lives. An absorbing read.
There are real place names, and the school names etc. are real, I found them, and pictures when I searched. I know in many memoirs that authors have to change names and places, but to have so many real names of places, makes it more realistic somehow. I enjoyed the musical memories, I read these song lyrics and was singing them in my head!
A really good book, so much happens. He has already written a follow-up, and he mentions other possible memoirs in the pipeline for the future, concerning other happenings in his life-these are all of interest to me, and I'll definitely read them.
I enjoyed reading this memoir. It tells the story of a difficult childhood of twin brothers. Bad boys, mischievous. From a broken home; a neglectful mother. Told through the young Cain's eyes, he tells his story very matter-of-factly; just tells you things that happened, without comment, so the reader can decide how bad it was. It’s honest, well-observed, sometimes shocking, and there are some more light-hearted memories too.
It’s a concise easy read-yet at the same time there are some shocking and disturbing sections. Hard times that would go on to shape the rest of their lives. An absorbing read.
There are real place names, and the school names etc. are real, I found them, and pictures when I searched. I know in many memoirs that authors have to change names and places, but to have so many real names of places, makes it more realistic somehow. I enjoyed the musical memories, I read these song lyrics and was singing them in my head!
A really good book, so much happens. He has already written a follow-up, and he mentions other possible memoirs in the pipeline for the future, concerning other happenings in his life-these are all of interest to me, and I'll definitely read them.
May 13, 2022
An Engaging Read, written from the heart
Cain has written an honest, heart wrenching and engaging account of his childhood filled with fears, struggles and immense challenges giving the reader an insider view of his life. Some of which, in many ways, linger on throughout his life, no longer being able to cope and for his own sanity and peace of mind, he seeks out professional help. At points in Cain's memoir he had me holding my breath, the fear and emotions jumping out of the book. We follow the ups and downs of his life as told to his therapist.
There is no doubt that Cain and Neil were walking mischief finders and makers, but, no matter what life threw at them, they had a special brother bond, not any old brothers but, a special twin brothers bond. Coming from a broken home throughout their childhood they often suffered physical abuse from an otherwise neglectful mother. Having to fend for themselves, making their own entertainment, foraging for food and comforting each other through thick and thin.
There is no doubt that Cain's past has helped to shape him into the man he is today. Well done Cain, this is well written from the heart, I found this an engaging read and I look forward to your next book Cain, thank you. I highly recommend this memoir.
Cain has written an honest, heart wrenching and engaging account of his childhood filled with fears, struggles and immense challenges giving the reader an insider view of his life. Some of which, in many ways, linger on throughout his life, no longer being able to cope and for his own sanity and peace of mind, he seeks out professional help. At points in Cain's memoir he had me holding my breath, the fear and emotions jumping out of the book. We follow the ups and downs of his life as told to his therapist.
There is no doubt that Cain and Neil were walking mischief finders and makers, but, no matter what life threw at them, they had a special brother bond, not any old brothers but, a special twin brothers bond. Coming from a broken home throughout their childhood they often suffered physical abuse from an otherwise neglectful mother. Having to fend for themselves, making their own entertainment, foraging for food and comforting each other through thick and thin.
There is no doubt that Cain's past has helped to shape him into the man he is today. Well done Cain, this is well written from the heart, I found this an engaging read and I look forward to your next book Cain, thank you. I highly recommend this memoir.
August 11, 2021
From childhood trauma to the therapy after, we follow Cain's incredible story as he relives the unpleasant memories of his life.
Each chapter is a new ride, written in a way that pulls you in, making you feel every emotion.
The relationships, the ups and downs, you're right there through all of it, rooting for the best possible outcome.
The vulnerability alone that comes with writing a memoir deserves credit. To write one with so many dark elements in a way that is light takes a special person.
Cain and his siblings lived through things no one, let alone children, should ever have to experience. Despite this, Cain retells his story in a positive light, keeping a great sense of humor along with plenty of wit.
No matter what you're going through in life, there are so many lessons to take from this book. I believe Cain's story is one that will help others to overcome the difficulties that may seem impossible. You're not alone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't recommend this book enough!
Each chapter is a new ride, written in a way that pulls you in, making you feel every emotion.
The relationships, the ups and downs, you're right there through all of it, rooting for the best possible outcome.
The vulnerability alone that comes with writing a memoir deserves credit. To write one with so many dark elements in a way that is light takes a special person.
Cain and his siblings lived through things no one, let alone children, should ever have to experience. Despite this, Cain retells his story in a positive light, keeping a great sense of humor along with plenty of wit.
No matter what you're going through in life, there are so many lessons to take from this book. I believe Cain's story is one that will help others to overcome the difficulties that may seem impossible. You're not alone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't recommend this book enough!
August 14, 2021
This novel follows the story of someone who needs to understand his past, to live his life. The narrator will bring you in his childhood, and the description of it is very well written. It is explained through the children’s eye and full of naivety. Children can see the good even in the worse situation, and you really feel this throughout the story. As adult, when you read about his childhood, you know what's wrong, what sufferance is hidden behind his words, and the way he acts. But through his eyes, there is always something positive. Mental health played a huge role, and it was nice to see that represented in the book and something that needs to be talked about more. The protagonist is a Survivor, and maybe like me, this novel will help you in a positive way. This story is like a gift box full of sadness and pain, with a lovely ribbon of naivety and happiness. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
August 16, 2021
I had the pleasure of reading this early and I truly enjoyed it.
Cain has created a very vulnerable and brave piece of work that walks us through his life. I found myself relating so much with the different aspects if his childhood and indeed the mental health struggles that he faced.
There are some important and difficult topics discussed such as physical abuse, mental illness and the different types of abuse that people can suffer.
There were parts in the book that I found myself laughing out loud to- they're so relatable and honest. From the awkwardness of the first sexual experience to the usual shenanigans that kids gets up to when growing up in era that we grew up in.
It's hard to believe that this is Cain's first book. It is well written, well structured and filled with honesty and vulnerability.
I can't wait for Cain to share this with people, i know they will love it as much as I did.
Cain has created a very vulnerable and brave piece of work that walks us through his life. I found myself relating so much with the different aspects if his childhood and indeed the mental health struggles that he faced.
There are some important and difficult topics discussed such as physical abuse, mental illness and the different types of abuse that people can suffer.
There were parts in the book that I found myself laughing out loud to- they're so relatable and honest. From the awkwardness of the first sexual experience to the usual shenanigans that kids gets up to when growing up in era that we grew up in.
It's hard to believe that this is Cain's first book. It is well written, well structured and filled with honesty and vulnerability.
I can't wait for Cain to share this with people, i know they will love it as much as I did.
December 12, 2021
I had the luxury of reading this memoir, and to be honest, I’d never generally read a memoir as I’m more of a fantasy / sci-fi fan, having said that, I was pleasantly surprised, I read through the novel at a very fast rate as I couldn’t put the book down, and I’m the type that reads two pages before bedtime and I’m fast asleep, however this had me reading into the early hours of the night, not to mention lots of laughter and a few tear jerk moments, a very insightful view on how the things we experience as children effect our perspective in life, and how we aren’t always able to recognize the connection between our own life journey and the unequivocal trauma that it’s led too. I would highly recommend that you give this memoir a read or even suggest it to someone struggling with life, it may just shed some light onto the right places.
January 3, 2022
Dragged Up and Torn Apart is a harrowing and strong coming of age memoir of resilience, self-preservation, and love. With an absent father, twin boys in this book, virtually raise themselves around and in Greater London during the 80s alongside their mother who’s fighting her own demons, all the while taking it out on her children. With its candid and real dialogue, vivid descriptions, and strapping detail, Dragged up and Torn Apart is raw, honest, and bittersweet. Quillman shares himself wholly with his readers, holding little to nothing back. Well written, masterfully crafted, in an unwavering authentic voice Quillman pours out his heart and soul on every page leaving the reader amazed and proud of his accountability, confessions, resilience, sense of humor, humanity, and forgiveness. Truly an unforgettable book full of feels that fills all five senses.
August 15, 2021
This memoir is a honest (sometimes brutally) look at the effects of trauma. Interlaced with charm and wit and humour.
I truly feel that cain is a natural born story teller. His recount of event are so genuine and unabashed you feel every spectrum of emotion in the course of this book.His willingness to be vulnerable in the hopes it will help others really shines through the pages.
I think this book is an important read for those feeling like they are struggling with mental health but also for those who are not, to help break down the stigmas and stereotypes that generally go along with mental health issues.
As a parent this book was hard to read, there were many points in this story I stopped to hug my own twins and tell them I love them.
As a person who has anxiety I'm always cautious about reading material dealing with mental health. And although it did cause a strong emotional response, for myself I found it manageable to read. Even though the causes of trauma were different than my own I still felt like I could relate and that I took away some helpful insights.
I truly feel that cain is a natural born story teller. His recount of event are so genuine and unabashed you feel every spectrum of emotion in the course of this book.His willingness to be vulnerable in the hopes it will help others really shines through the pages.
I think this book is an important read for those feeling like they are struggling with mental health but also for those who are not, to help break down the stigmas and stereotypes that generally go along with mental health issues.
As a parent this book was hard to read, there were many points in this story I stopped to hug my own twins and tell them I love them.
As a person who has anxiety I'm always cautious about reading material dealing with mental health. And although it did cause a strong emotional response, for myself I found it manageable to read. Even though the causes of trauma were different than my own I still felt like I could relate and that I took away some helpful insights.
August 10, 2021
Cain Quillman takes us back in time and shows us what it was like growing up in the 80s. Except for him and his twin brother the adventurous childhood was more like a case of survival of the fittest.
Cain shows us how childhood trauma can affect the adult life and mental health without us even realizing it.
When you read it, you’ll smile, and you’ll cry, and you’ll laugh, and you’ll empathize, and you’ll want to give those two little boys a big hug, and you’ll definitely do a lot of thinking and soul searching because it will most probably trigger memories from your own childhood.
Cain shows us how childhood trauma can affect the adult life and mental health without us even realizing it.
When you read it, you’ll smile, and you’ll cry, and you’ll laugh, and you’ll empathize, and you’ll want to give those two little boys a big hug, and you’ll definitely do a lot of thinking and soul searching because it will most probably trigger memories from your own childhood.
August 17, 2021
I received this book as an ARC from a dear author friend of mine -- and let me tell you, I was pleasantly surprised! Usually, I don't read non-fiction or memoir-type stories, but this definitely caught my attention from the first few lines.
Cain delivers his story where it was hard for me to put it down and would have finished it in a day (but such is life). There was a lot that was relatable and I could feel the emotions poured into the tale. I laughed. I cried. I felt anger. My heartstrings were tugged several times over. The message about mental health in the beginning and end were extremely crucial and loved that it was addressed (as someone who suffers severe depression and anxiety, it is not easy to talk about or inform someone).
As a first book, this is incredible and I highly suggest you pick it up when it becomes available in October. Also, if you have social media of any kind, follow this quirky, amazing human being. You DEFINITELY won't be disappointed with Cain Quillman.
Cain delivers his story where it was hard for me to put it down and would have finished it in a day (but such is life). There was a lot that was relatable and I could feel the emotions poured into the tale. I laughed. I cried. I felt anger. My heartstrings were tugged several times over. The message about mental health in the beginning and end were extremely crucial and loved that it was addressed (as someone who suffers severe depression and anxiety, it is not easy to talk about or inform someone).
As a first book, this is incredible and I highly suggest you pick it up when it becomes available in October. Also, if you have social media of any kind, follow this quirky, amazing human being. You DEFINITELY won't be disappointed with Cain Quillman.
November 26, 2021
Beautifully written and heartbreaking.
This book did not take me long to read.
It is so well written that I felt as though I was there thoughout Cain and Neil's childhood, sharing in the heartbreak with them.
I would highly recommend anyone to read this book. It took me on an emotional but important journey.
Every detail described to perfection allowing you to see everything you read.
I am very much looking forward to reading more work by Cain Quillman.
This book did not take me long to read.
It is so well written that I felt as though I was there thoughout Cain and Neil's childhood, sharing in the heartbreak with them.
I would highly recommend anyone to read this book. It took me on an emotional but important journey.
Every detail described to perfection allowing you to see everything you read.
I am very much looking forward to reading more work by Cain Quillman.
January 19, 2022
I have just finished reading Cain's story, a life filled with immense challenges. The honesty and detail in this memoir is to be admired greatly. Cain says in one section that he hopes that he will not be judged, judgement is an inherent trait in the human population, but there is no judgement here, there is admiration that Cain has survived and prospered, he has written a truly remarkable and honest account of his life. Thank you for sharing, and I look forward to book 2.
June 10, 2022
A story showing the irrepressible spirit and humor of the author and a bond between twin brothers that helps them endure a childhood of being dragged up rather than brought up. As a result the brothers turn a tad feral and manage to find trouble in many creative ways, leaving the reader not knowing whether to gasp in horror or laugh out loud, so I did both. Difficult relationships negotiated through uncertain and ever changing family circumstances, and honest account deserving of 5 stars.
December 14, 2021
I was lucky to read parts of this book before it was released. A poignant, heartbreaking and moving story about two brothers who endured what no child should ever have to.
I applaud Cain for his honesty and sharing with the world such a personal experience.
5 stars.
I applaud Cain for his honesty and sharing with the world such a personal experience.
5 stars.
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