Wanting You to Want Me: Stories from Secret World of Strip Clubs

by Emily Dinslade, Bronwen Parker-Rhodes

Wanting You to Want Me is a collection of anonymous stories from the world of London strip clubs, documented by the women themselves.

The stories range from behind-the-scenes conversations in the changing rooms, to dancefloor and private room etiquette, from emotional and intellectual connections between dancer and client, to the often-blurred boundaries that exist in between.

Journalist Emily Dinsdale and filmmaker Bronwen Parker-Rhodes have collected images and stories from the women working in the London strip clubs over several years. Having been part of the industry themselves, they have a unique and intimate access to the seldom-heard stories, giving voice to an age-old industry, from the perspective of the traditionally voiceless workers.

Supported by original, behind the scenes photography from the authors, these narratives express vulnerability, empowerment, curiosity and the complexity and duplicity of relationships—in short, what it is to be human.

256 pages, Hardcover

Published May 10, 2022

Reviews

[Amy Alessandri · Rating 5 out of 5]

INCREDIBLE!! One of my favorite reads ever! I’ve initiated so many conversations with friends about this book and the world of strip clubs since I started reading this. The stories from these women have actually inspired and empowered me. How does this book have so little reviews?!

Masterclass in human behavior, the patriarchy, sexuality, boundaries, men, and friendship.

These women are empowered and uninhibited. They are therapists… experts at reading people and understanding exactly what they’re about and what they need.

It’s incredibly touching to realize the friendships in this particular environment. The shared experience and camaraderie that no one else would understand unless they’re in it - much like soldiers in war.

Some favorite quotes from the girls that really impacted me:

“There needs to be a sexual emancipation of these men because, in turn, it will be better for queer people, it’ll be better for sex workers, it’ll be better for women in general. These men are not expressing their sexuality like they need to. So, in turn, that always turns into violence against the other sex. Which is why, I think, particularly the realm of stripping and sexual fantasy - adult sexual fantasy - is very important.”

“I just think we need to celebrate consensual, legal, sexual entertainment and keep it at that.”

On strong bonds between the girls:
“You know, we’re checking each others tampon strings in the changing room. Once you’ve done that, and you’ve seen somebody putting glitter on their butthole, I think every boundary is broken”.

“I also think it’s like a witch thing. It’s very coven-like when women get together to play with the energy of sex, money, desire and therapy. Because let’s not forget that we’re healers. We’re healing parts of our body, we’re healing other people, we’re healing female sexuality that has been punished for centuries. We are healing our self-worth because society says you’re too fat, too skinny, you’re ugly, I wouldn’t fuck you… but I’m making money out of this. It gives you this raw self-esteem. When women get together like this, we’re creating magic.”

[Michael Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wanting You To Want Me is a genuinely fascinating insight into the dimly lit world of London’s myriad strip clubs. The performers themselves relate tales of their working lives that are, in turn, hilarious, mundane, and sometimes even tragic. What’s most impressive is the emotional heft that the cumulative effect of these stories has; it allows an outsider a connection to a world that, even though it’s largely hidden, has a huge role to play in society’s perception of women, sexuality and itself.
What becomes clear is that what’s interesting about this microcosm of sex and commerce isn’t the lurid or the erotic, but the incredibly complex dynamic between women, men and money. A remarkable and resonant read.

[Thomas Kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you ever walked by a gentlemen's club and wonder what happens in there or visited one and wonder what happens in the dressing room or what are the stories of the ladies who work there, this book might give you a little insight. The authors talked to seventeen different women who told their own stories. Some of these women have worked in clubs around the world but this focuses on clubs around London with the club names redacted. The authors are attempting to dispel some of claims that fall either listing these women as victims or icons of female sexual emancipation. These ladies talk about what happens in the clubs, on stage and what goes on in the various dressing rooms. Along the way they talk about the highs and lows of performing for a living and some of the benefits besides the at times quick easy money. Some talk about the struggles of dealing with self-esteem issues when they see co-worker with multiple clients, and they have few or having a potential client tell them why they do not want a dance from them because finding fault with different aspects of their female body. These ladies should be therapist, and, in some ways, they are when they have men feel comfortable enough to tell them things, they would tell no one's else and some of these are some disturbing fantasies. But understand that some of these loves this type of work, one even stated she would rather be on stage then even traveling, while another noted how she is able to meet many people in a short amount of time, her friend told her how many new people she had met outside of this environment in the last year, and she stated I have meet that many in four hours. I did find it interesting to read how some of these ladies hearing the various stories and lies guys talk about their relationships has them question their own relationships. Overall, this is a decent read and gives you a peek behind the curtain.

[Mandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best nonfiction books I've read in a long time. It's a truly fascinating look at the inner world of London strip clubs and the women who work there. The stories feel real, as though these women were speaking directly to you in a coffee shop somewhere. This feels like an ethnography and a memoir and a tell all interview series all in one, and it's addicting to read.

I found everything in this book interesting-- but personally the thread of identity captured my attention the most. It's fascinating to hear from multiple women who essentially live two separate lives, as two very different people. As an enneagram 3, I saw a lot of myself in their thoughts, although their stories are of course way more extreme.

I also have to say that this book is ARTISTIC. This feels like a book published by Taschen. The design and layout are both beautiful, the photographs are thoughtful and eye-catching, and even the construction of the cover and pages feel super thick and high quality. Reading this is an experience on every level.

If you're at all interested in real stories of sex work, definitely pick this up. I learned a lot.

Also: where are all the reviews of this book??? Does nobody know about it? I picked this up at BookPeople (my favorite local independent bookstore), and I can't believe I'm one of only 12 people to review it on Goodreads. Woah.

[Thatcherrywitch · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite stripper memoir to date (and I’ve read a lot). I feel like I could have written parts of this book. It was so relatable and comforting to me. I highly recommend everyone in this industry (or looking to learn more about this industry) to read this book.

[Michael Swinford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really stripped back and intimate. I love the way it's loosely organized, minimally edited, and colored in with documentary-style photography. This could have been double the length and wouldn't drag. Really, really lovely.

[Annabel Clare · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really interesting and important to hear the voices of sex workers themselves, rather than just discourse about them.