Do I Feel Better Yet?: Questionable Attempts at Self-Care and Existing in General

by Madeleine Trebenski

If you've ever dared to express dissatisfaction with the state of your life, you've inevitably received a variety of helpful "Have you tried meditation? Exercise? A cult? An exercise cult?" In Do I Feel Better Yet? , Madeleine Trebenski explores more than 45 so-called solutions suggested to her in the name of self-care.

In a playful and at times sardonic chronicle of the elusive promises of multistep skin-care routines, gratitude journaling, scented candles, and more, Trebenski perfectly captures what it's like to live in a time when homemade kombucha and weighted blankets are said to single-handedly solve all our problems. These essays will make you laugh, make you feel less alone, and maybe make you feel better—even if just for a little while.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Essays, Humor, Mental Health, Memoir, Adult

240 pages, Paperback

Published June 7, 2022

Reviews

[Librariann · Rating 5 out of 5]

** I received an ARC of this from the publisher because I am a librarian and librarians are awesome **

You know that feeling you get when you have started at least 8 books recently and cannot get more than 15% into any of them? This book is THE CURE. First, it comes in charming little bite size essays that can be read while doing bathroom business if your child sees fit to leave you alone in the bathroom for more than five minutes.

As I was reading it, I kept thinking "this reminds me of reading some of my favorite McSweeneys!" Then, after Googling the author's name, I realized, hey, she actually WROTE one of my favorite McSweeney's!" (No, not "WHAT YOUR FAVORITE ’90s ROCK BAND SAYS ABOUT THE TYPE OF BORED SUBURBAN DAD YOU ARE TODAY,"... "THE GIRL FROM AVRIL LAVIGNE’S “SK8ER BOI” RESPONDS 18 YEARS LATER")

Even though Trebenski definitely falls into the solid millennial non-parent demographic and not the Xennial cusp who has not slept in a different zip code from their spawn for more than 72 hours in the last 6 years, I related to her SO MUCH. Maybe it was all the Adam Driver references. Maybe it was the self-deprecating way she handled anxiety, religion, romance novels, and Being Female. Even the chapter headings! I was cackling at the chapter headings from the moment I saw this on Edelweiss!

"My Targeted Instagram Ads, Translated"
"Have You Tried a Duke?"
"I'm Your Outdoor Dream Girl and Not an Evil Wood Nymph Who Wants to Steal Your Soul"

Whether you are 26 or 40, I feel like there is plenty here for everyone who appreciates tiny bites of lady wit doled out in thematic chapters.

Also, I definitely recommend this to anyone who enjoyed The Love Hypothesis, even though they are Entirely Different Animals.

Like any collection of essays, some are more successful than others, and I'm not gonna pretend that they all hit it out of the park. But as a whole, I find this collection JUST DELIGHTFUL, possibly because it was like taking a little dip into my own brain, but much more edited and nicely organized.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly self-help for people who hate self-help!

This is the funniest and most entertaining “self-help” book I’ve ever laid eyes upon. The cover drew me in, it’s beautiful. Plus I just knew it was going to crack some jokes at self-help and the toxic positivity and gym-obsessed movement but I had no idea how far.

Sometimes I had to take a break from laughing. I have chronic pain so “have you tried..” is a part of my regular life and so often I’ve wanted to say to them what she says in this book.

It’s not that I’m a negative person but I don’t like the fake positivity movement. It isn’t real and I’m not the kind of person who can make myself believe something that isn’t real by telling it to myself enough times.

Aside from the jokes and commiserating, I did learn some valuable things and would recommend to other sarcastic people like myself and especially the chronic illness community!

Thanks to NetGalley and Chronic Books for the chance to read this book early to review.

[Lauren Sterling · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book. As someone who is notably bad at self-care and finding things that work to actually de-stress me this was a refreshing satirical take on self-care. The authors voice throughout kept me entertained and laughing

[tawny•dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Madeline Trebenski hit the nail on the head here! For anyone who has EVER been given HeLpFuL unsolicited advice concerning their mental or psychical heath/wellbeing- and beyond. It’s a snarky little mood and I looourrrved it. I feel like having multiple copies in my purse for moments when people ask if I have tried Keto to help me lose weight. I can pass them out like prayer cards given to me in parking lots.

I feel like this type of satire can be absolutely lost on some people, which probably why I love it even more! I chortled multiple times. MANY TIMES.

Examples of the type of good things you will experience within:

“WELCOME. MY NAME IS ARNICA CELESTIALBODY, AND I’ll be your yoga instructor today.”

Karen had then audibly whispered, “Stacy, you KNOW how I feel about squares.” We stood there, baffled, until my partner spoke up, “How does she feel about squares?” The project manager shook her head and said, “Not good. She does not feel good about squares.”

Have You Tried a Duke? (This one exposed me, but damnit I still love my romance novels)


The essays also dip into everything from le toxic man to outdoor IG culture to raising chickens.

Writing in my gratitude journal about how happy this book made me. 😇

⚜️Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

[Aubrey Kannel · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book basically said nothing. I was looking forward to an ending where she explained why all of these self care strategies were pointless unless you did underlying work, but instead we got two pages basically saying “I don’t have it figured out” … what? You literally wrote a book about it. To be clear, I wasn’t looking for a solution or an answer, but I would’ve appreciated more scientific information regarding each of these self-care strategies, instead of just making jokes about it and saying nothing for 200 pages. I also think that this book doesn’t acknowledge that certain things actually do help you and that you do have some responsibility to take care of yourself. The overall vibe of this book to me was “the system is messed up, so why try.”

[Allie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I inhaled this book in one weekend. A vivid, hysterically funny assessment of wellness culture. Equal parts hilarious + insightful. The titles of each essay alone will make you laugh. Then you dive into the essays themselves and get a nuanced, engaging critique that pushes your understanding of what it means to "be well'. Masterful levity, razor sharp wit. What a delight!

[Abbey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t feel better yet but I have learned to not take things so seriously. There is no cure all. And sometimes all you need is some good friends to rely on

[Caitlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really funny!! It was very refreshing to read!!

[Kristina · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are a person who is trying to find happiness in our increasingly insane world (and of course you are, you exist), you will likely identify with some (or all) of Do I Feel Better Yet? This book takes a look at a lot of the trends sweeping the millenial/Gen Z world to see if any of this ceaseless advice is actually helpful.

As someone who battles my anxiety and depression constantly, I identified deeply with the idea of all of the different things or activities people tell you will magically fix you. From fad diets to yoga to exercise to the great outdoors to alien romance novels to rampant consumerism to possibly sketchy "wellness cults", this book takes a comical look at the lengths we will go to to try to feel better - instead of, you know, dealing with it responsibly with a therapist.

I greatly enjoyed these essays and found the entire book to be very approachable and funny. Anyone at all aware of today's culture will be all too familiar with the subjects, which are addressed in a variety of essay formats, from personal anecdotes to "brochures" explaining why the MLM wellness group you are interested in definitely isn't a weird sex cult, to a letter to the parents explaining that your boyfriend - who happens to be cursed to be a monster for going on three centuries now - is coming to dinner, and may or may not destroy the house and/or drink grandma's blood.

While this book probably will not be a viable substitute for therapy and/or medication, it is a diverting way to spend some time, and will likely make you feel better while reading it.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy of this book! All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[Shameem · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a little niche (imo), but if it’s your niche, you’ll really enjoy it.

As someone who has a long-standing chronic illness and only very recently has realized that my priority has to be illness management and doing whatever I can to strengthen my body physically, nourish it adequately, and live as well as I can within my circumstances, this book provided me with some much-needed laughter.

Trebenski is earnest and hilarious. Healthy people often come armed with the most ridiculous suggestions of what the rest of us can/should try in order to feel better (albeit typically with the kindest intentions!) — and this book provides folks who have experienced that time and time again with solidarity in the most entertaining way.

You’ll relate to some things deeply, most likely, and perhaps others not at all. A couple of “chapters” (they’re more like essays) I didn’t connect with much, but I could still appreciate Trebenski’s experience and she still garnered a chuckle or two out of me.

I valued that Trebenski acknowledges the privilege it takes to be able to engage in (and suggest) many types of “self-care.” Much of what people recommend requires money, time, resources, and/or really exceptional health insurance.

[Brittain · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book while my top half sipped local kombucha and my bottom half was being actively squeezed by an expensive leg recovery system*. Maybe you, like me, have tried equipment designed for professional athletes to recover from a twenty minute at home yoga class, or maybe you’ve contemplated investing in a skincare routine without actually committing. No matter how much you’ve experimented with wellness, there’s something in this book to relate to. Madeleine packs every sentence with humor, insight, and honesty, and the book is paced in a way that makes it both digestible and fun. Despite the uncomfortable pressure of the recovery pants squeezing my calves into submission, I thoroughly enjoyed my time reading this book.

*please buy this book before buying recovery pants or any other wellness product

[Destiny 4everbooked · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this book is pretty hilarious, I may have found myself skimming a lot of chapters. It was a a good read but not one id re-read and I think it would be a best to read this book in short reading sprints throughout the day / week and not a “sit down and read it all at once” kind of book ?

[Lea · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this such a slog to get through. It is trying too hard, and I just really couldn't connect with any part of it.

[Mariya Krutkova · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun, light read. Hilarious and original. Love her conclusion at the end.

[Alexis (Lexi.84.02)]

First of all, thank you so much for a eArc, I appreciate it, because I am new to this reviewing game. "Do I Feel Better Yet" is a series of essays about people who give unwanted advice because if you dare admit to struggling at something, someone for sure knows the answer to all your problems. Each essay had its own story, I found that some where more relatable than others. However, it was still engaging to say the least. I loved the snarky humor and it really opened my eyes that not only am I guilty of buying extravagant things in order to defeat my insecurities but that I have also fallen victim to the pressure of society to look flawless.
Overall, this was a humorous way to look into the "Self care routines" suggested not only can get expensive but also isn't all that helpful to someone who truly is struggling
P.S. I still buy candles, bubble baths and skincare, because why now .

[Genevieve · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun and love a good critique of the Self-Care Industrial Complex but this also felt like a book of Reductress articles lol

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC received from NetGalley. This book was laugh out loud funny! If you’ve ever sealed with any mental health issues you can 100% related to this book. I think I’ve heard all these suggestions at some point, even from my drs. Worth the read to know someone else sees you and just to get a laugh.

[Chelsea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to NetGalley for allowing me to read this in exchange for my honest opinion.

This was a relatable and funny look at all the different “self care” remedies out there, some more helpful than others. Some of the essays were too silly for me but others were entertaining. A fun read.

[JuliaR · Rating 4 out of 5]

Madeleine Trebenski started this book by sharing that she is extremely open to try everything that people suggest her mostly because she's also very open to complain about the things that are not going her way. As someone that also loves to complain, but is highly skeptical of advices, this book was great to know more about all the things I'm saying no to and ease my potential fear-of-missing-out.

The book is divided in sections, including Diets, Exercise, Buying Things, Working, Relaxing, Religion, and even Love. My favorite was probably the whole ordeal surrounding Nature - I'm a big adept of long walks in green locations as a way to make me feel better.

I liked the writing style and the personal anecdotes at the beginning of every chapter. The only thing that started to wear me down were the cynical/sarcastic long examples - after the first 3 or 4 I was already hoping for more personal stories or even some general content on why people believe that particular thing would make them feel better. The book veered more towards humor than biography or self-help in the traditional sense. This did not made it worse, just made it a bit tiring for me.

"Do I feel better yet?" made me laugh and I did actually feel better after reading it - there were some very funny parts that made me laugh out loud even. The interesting thing is that reading funny books did not feature the list of things that people suggest to other, so there is that. I'd recommend reading this book if you have tried many things to feel better - this might just be it.

Thanks NetGalley and Chronicle Books for the Advanced Reader Copy of this book, given in exchange of my honest review.

[Ashley Morris · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book because the idea sounded appealing to me but this book fell flat. I skipped ahead several sections but it was the same content every time. Jokes that aren't funny.

[Marieta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sweet and munchy and a bit of girly comedy I really needed in the dark February days, thanks to the author for the light way of saying important things

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rating: 5/5 stars

Thank you to NetGalley for allowing me to read and review this book.

Do I Feel Better Yet? is presented in the form of a self-help book, but this is humorously deceptive. Through a series of short essays, Madeleine Trebenski explains how her many attempts at bettering herself have either ultimately failed or did not live up to the expected results. Throughout this book, she stresses the idea that even though self-care is important, the cure to mental health issues cannot be found in practices such as trying a new yoga studio, taking an expensive probiotic your friend recommended, or anything similar. While touching on serious topics, such as religion and harassment, Trebenski relays her message humorously and sarcastically, while still being tasteful. The writing is simple, as if she and the reader were best friends chatting and telling silly stories on a coffee date. It is very personal but not to an uncomfortable degree.

This is a very relatable story to a “childless person in her twenties,” as Trebenski shares in this book. There is a lot of talk about the sexism women face today and how self-care is not exempt from female oppression. From skin-tightening facial creams to sketchy weight loss techniques to casual sex, she covers almost every way a woman is targeted to “better herself.” I love how down-to-earth she relays the information, while being straightforward and not sugar-coating anything. The difficult topics are easy to digest and understand, so I was not left numb after reading the whole 204 pages in two reading sessions.

Although this is seemingly an anti-self-help book, there is a lot to learn from her experiences. The author’s attitude toward self-care may come off as negative at first glance, but the book truly brought me hope. I laughed out loud so many times, and I mean a hearty laugh, not just a chuckle. The chapter and heading titles are hilariously specific, and they grabbed my attention instantly and made me keep reading. How could I stop after coming across the heading “My Life Has No Meaning, but Have You Tried the New Toaster”?

The book was truly one-of-a-kind, and I could not think of a better nonfiction book to start off the new year than this one.

[Laura Dimmett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to Netgalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. This collection of essays set in the hellscape of late capitalism was written by a Millennial and for Millennials. I wasn't sure if as a Gen X-er, I had aged myself out of this book or not. It's still pretty relatable though for anyone still trying to survive and thrive in a work driven, plague-ridden society. As she ruminates over what we could do or she has done to care for ourselves in the short run-trying to unclench your jaw- or the more drastic option of running away to become a shepherd, Trebenskii criticizes elements of this Feel Better industry because it's so very easy for the vulnerable to become even more ill from the medicine. I prefer her writing when she provides more direct insights, such as "We watch old episodes of 80s and 90s television every night to mentally transport myself to a time and place where I feel safe enough to fall asleep." OMG, so *that's* why the Millennials love Friends, even after Joey and Rachel hooked up. She gets super annoyed when exercise is the one thing she doesn't feel like doing, and it's the one thing that has the best odds of being effective. Meh. Sometimes, she writes more hyperbolic satire, which doesn't work for me, but that's more a personal taste issue. Even when she's over-the-top, she's clever. Nor does she provide a pat, trite solution at the end. This book is more of a gentle reminder that we need to take care of ourselves when we're trying to take care of ourselves.

[Kristine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Chronicle Books for the opportunity to read and review an e-ARC of this book. I am absolutely the target demographic and audience for this title, and so much of it resonated with me. I'm a millennial and have my fair share of chronic illnesses, so it's definitely a common occurrence for well-meaning folks to wholeheartedly recommend some combination of yoga, scented candles, exercise equipment, an all-soup diet (or was it a no-soup diet?), juice cleanse, bath bomb, face cream etc etc etc that will completely change my life and heal me. And while I enjoy (most of) those things and find that they do actually improve my overall well-being, we know they're not cure-alls and it gets frustrating to be constantly presented with this idea that all our physical, emotional, and spiritual ails are a few small self-care purchases away from being solved. I liked the portions of this book that played with the ridiculousness of this notion. (It is a lot to expect from a humble piece of wax that an expensive candle can turn my life around!) It also captured the endlessness of this cycle. (Oh, you'd feel way better if you did yoga. Ah, you do practice yoga? Well, you're probably using the wrong mat. The toxic material is killing you slowly. You still feel terrible? Is it perhaps because you eat GRAINS?)

Ultimately, my takeaway is that we're all searching for things to make our lives incrementally better - little treats we purchase for ourselves to brighten a bad day, or big lifestyle changes that force us to look at the choices we've been making thus far.

[Sydney · Rating 4 out of 5]

*I was able to read this book early via NetGalley thanks to Chronicle Books!*

This book was an absolute delight. Laugh-out-loud funny more often than not, but still insightful when it needed to be. Joking most of the time, but occasionally deeply sincere. I gobbled it up in two days and have recommended it to all of my friends, saying, "I'm reading this book and I'm having the BEST time."

Do I Feel Better Yet? takes a look at the kinds of well-meaning wellness and self-care suggestions you get from people who have found their salvation in exercise or religion or just drinking a whole lot of water. Trebenski examines her own relationships to these trends with humor and honesty, but also spends plenty of page space mocking the sillier suggestions. Introspection stands alongside comedic listicles (a pro/con list of having children, a collection of obituaries for dearly departed plants, descriptions for terrible imaginary sex toys) and imagined scenarios (bringing your literally monstrous boyfriend to dinner, luxury lingerie shopping, a recipe for haunted bone broth). I found myself wanting to send all the best quotes to my friends, and slowly realized that that was basically most of the pages of the book.

Admittedly, the book's shtick got a little old after 200+ pages, and some essays landed better than others, but those felt like relatively small issues in amongst all of the other excellent and entertaining content of the book. This is an antidote to all of the overwhelmingly tiresome discourses of wellness out there. I recommend it with all the zealousness of someone telling you to try Keto.

4.5/5

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

If you are in the mood for a humorous, satirical skewering of beauty standards and the assorted ways we are sold to “fix” ourselves, then you will find no better than this. If you are looking for an author’s vulnerable narrative about draining employment experiences, advance dreading of a splurge purchase she doesn’t even want, comparing religion to magick, and (a few) more, then there is some of that, too (which I found to be the true gems in this collection).

For what it is (and had I bothered to read the table of contents, I would’ve had a better expectation of what to expect), it is well done. I (from the cover and title) was expecting more of a Barbara Ehrenreich-esque narrative and exploration into self-help and self-care. While the satire was funny(ish), it became less funny the more I continued relentlessly through it, each time hoping the next essay would be one of the few where Trebenski invited us in for another humorous look at her personal life experiences. The Roomba essay was kind of weak and it felt kind of forced into the ‘theme’ (same with some of essays tied to retail therapy). Then again, the essay on Dukes had little straightforward connection, but was definitely a favorite.

Would read more from this author, especially anything in first-person.

Overall fit for me: 3 stars.
Fit for genre: 4.5 stars.

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

**eARC received from NetGalley**

"Do I Feel Better Yet" is a series of essays talking about the silly advice people give you when you're struggling with your mental health (or just struggling in general). For example, relying on an expensive candle to automatically make everything in your life better... because I've definitely been there!! I really loved Trebenski's writing style, as it was the perfect balance of humor and seriousness, and the variety of essays featured in the different sections. Of course some essays were better or more enjoyable than others, but that stems from a place of personal preference and connection with the subject matters. I found this book very relatable and refreshing in-between my fiction reads, so it was perfect to read an essay here or there on my phone when I needed a break.

I think this is the kind of book that's best read bit by bit so that you can really digest the essays and not get tired of the humor/overall subject of feeling better and making fun of society and yourself. I would say this is more of a 3.75 star read since I got a bit bored midway through (that's a me problem), but I think depending on the person more of the essays could be relatable and thus more enjoyable. A fun time and a great commentary on our silly ways of trying to feel better!

[ancientreader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Genuinely funny skewering of every wellness, diet, and exercise fad I could think of, and some I couldn't. I kept wandering off to read other books, though, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out why -- as funny as the essays are individually, reading them one after another brought out a certain sameness. I wasn't bored, exactly, but the book wasn't building to an overarching argument or presenting a historical narrative, so reading it was a bit like eating miniature peanut butter cup after miniature peanut butter cup after miniature peanut butter cup ... After a while, you want something other than the dessert course.

The thing is, though, that all the specific points Trebenski makes are smart and accurate, and the essays really are funny. Serving suggestion: read one every Monday morning while you're on the subway heading for work.* Enjoy the humor, avoid the staleness.

5 stars for humor, and a ding for not exactly being a book.


*Yes, I'm NYC-centric. Sue me. I'm also assuming that your office has gone back to in-person work, in which case I hope you're wearing an N95 on the train because you've noticed the stats on how severity of illness doesn't correlate with incidence of long COVID.

[Morgan Keena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Over the last few years it seems that each time I mention that I am struggling with work, or sleep, or I just feel off the answer I get from everyone is “you should try some self care.” Or, when I am sitting in a work meeting at 7AM trying to remember if I packed enough food to keep me full through the after school basketball game and the admin wraps up the meeting by saying “make sure you practice self care”……I’ve never been more inclined to punch a wall. This book perfectly wraps up all of the insane “have you tried this” hacks that people tend to share when they think someone needs help. Trebenski adds humor and wit to the world of exercise, diets, spa days, and dream grocery stores. This is the book for the semi burned out Millenial or Gen Z employee who is sick of hearing work meetings that end with “don’t forget to practice self care” each week. I really hope Trebenski does a bit of a book tour and makes an appearance on the Diet Starts Tomorrow podcast because I think she has uncovered a niche in the 20-30 something market that is exceptionally relatable.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC.

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Happy Publication Day to "Do I Feel Better Yet?" If you're looking to laugh, this might be a great select for you!

A tour across the many layers of our self-care culture, this nonfiction centers on the lengths we'll travel to make ourselves feel better. There is absolutely no question the author, a McSweeney's contributor, is funny. In a chapter titled "Are You Hungry or Are You Just Horny?" she asks: "Is it your appetite for melted cheese? Or is it your appetite for human intimacy?" She has a unique, often laugh-out-loud take on so many things we do in the name of bettering ourselves.

But, paradoxically, I wanted more self-care perspective. She touches on her conclusions in a glimpse of insight: "Lately, I've started to feel like the call for people to practice self-care is just another version of telling people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps." (Girl, YAS.) I wished for more of this across the book - but those who know they're going into a book that's 90% humor, 10% insight will no doubt be satisfied by this very funny, talented author.

*Thank you to Netgalley and Chronicle Books for giving me an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.*