How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief

by Megan Devine

An illustrated journal for meeting grief with honesty and kindness—honoring loss, rather than packing it away With her breakout book It’s OK That You’re Not OK, Megan Devine struck a chord with thousands of readers through her honest, validating approach to grief. In her same direct, no-platitudes style, she now offers How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed—a journal filled with unique, creative ways to open a dialogue with grief itself. “Being allowed to tell the truth about your grief is an incredibly powerful act,” she says. “This journal enables you to tell your whole story, without the need to tack on a happy ending where there isn’t one.” Grief is a natural response to death and loss—it’s not an illness to be cured or a problem to be fixed. This workbook contains no clichés, timetables, or checklists of stages to get through; it won’t help you “move past” or put your loss behind you. Instead, you’ll find encouragement, self-care exercises, and daily tools,  •Writing prompts to help you honor your pain and heartbreak• On-the-spot practices for tough situations—like grocery store trips, the sleepless nights, and being the “awkward guest”• The art of healthy distraction and self-care• What you can do when you worry that “moving on” means “letting go of love”• Practical advice for fielding the dreaded “How are you doing?” question• What it means to find meaning in your loss• How to hold joy and grief at the same time• Tear-and-share resources to help you educate friends and allies• The “Griever’s Bill of Rights,” and much more Your grief, like your love, belongs to you. No one has the right to dictate, judge, or dismiss what is yours to live. How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed is a journal and everyday companion to help you enter a conversation with your grief, find your own truth, and live into the life you didn’t ask for—but is here nonetheless. 

Genres: Grief, Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Poetry, Adult

216 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 10, 2021

About the author

Megan Devine is the author of the book It's OK that You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn't Understand.

Reviews

[Literary Redhead · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely brilliant resource for grieving people. Megan Devine is a global expert in the area, and understands deep loss personally. Her partner drowned in a river tragedy in 2009, and his death propelled her to explore and create grief support that heals.

Her newest book is a journal meant to walk alongside the reader during the grief process. It’s filled with helpful prompts for writing out your feelings, self-care strategies, daily tips, and so much more. No platitudes, no checklists or timetables to “put loss behind you.” Just the real real. Most highly recommended!

5 of 5 Stars
Pub Date 18 May 2021
#HowtoCarryWhatCantBeFixed #NetGalley

Thanks to the author, Sounds True, and NetGalley for the ARC, in exchange for my honest review.

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so glad a journal like this one is coming out soon. And it will exist!

It's not just a journal in which we have to write or put up a list regarding a topic but it's a guide, a go-to sanctuary where we can find things being described and informed about the journey of the grieving process. Yes, it's a process we have to go through. It's something we cannot fix at once. And this book provides enough detailed insights on the topic.

I do feel we all need something like this to heal when we go through the process. It's difficult. It's not something anything and anyone can help.

The journal is well-researched, sensible and quite detailed.

I really appreciate the contents, how they match and the helpful exercises it provides.

I love how it is giving enough space after each chapter introduction and description.

The artwork is quite soothing and calming.

The writing, the art and the exercises deal with different emotions and thought processes that we might undergo through these tough times.

One of the best journals I have come across so far.

Thank you, authors and the publisher for the advance reading copy.

[Fatemeh · Rating 5 out of 5]

کتاب، کتاب خیلیییی خوبیه. ولی فکر می‌کنم باید حتما در حال تجربه‌ی سوگی باشید تا مفیدتر باشه براتون.

[Mahnoosh · Rating 3 out of 5]

اگر سوگوارید پیشنهاد میکنم کتاب عیبی ندارد اگر حالت خوش نیست رو از همین نویسنده بخونید.این کتاب بیشتر حالت تمرین کنار اومدن با سوگ رو داشت…یعنی همش تمرین داره که باید حل کنید.

[Alicia Bayer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This will be a great book for some folks and I recommend using something like Amazon's "look inside" feature to see if you're one of them. Those who enjoy drawing and journaling will probably find it enormously helpful. I was really hoping to find it personally hopeful but it didn't do much for me personally.

I am grieving a big list of people -- many good friends and my grandmother in the past few years and most recently both of my husband's parents, not to mention the long-ago loss of both of my parents, my aunt's murder, a dozen miscarriages and what feels sometimes like an endless stream of deaths that I carry. My husband is still really struggling with the loss of his parents last fall and I am so tired of the weight of grief.

I can't imagine my husband doing any of the pages of this book but I do enjoy journaling and art, and I had hoped that something in it might help me feel a little lighter in using the title's metaphor. There were a few pages that resonated with me like one of little boxes where you write the quotes that give you the most comfort but a lot of it just didn't speak to me. There are little cards you can cut out to tell loved ones how you're feeling or what you need, or places to write about who your grief mentor is or what your grief mentor would be like if you had one, etc. There's lots of information about grief and it would be helpful if I didn't already know so much about it, but knowing and changing anything are different things.

Ultimately, I know I've been looking for some sort of magic that doesn't exist. It hurts forever. Sometimes it hurts less (I recommend looking up the ball in the box analogy if you don't know it already, it's comforting for me and my husband). I don't know that journaling and drawing helps that but I hope it does help many people. For me personally, it wasn't the panacea that I was hoping for, but I think it could be extremely helpful for others, especially young people who are newer to grief and who find drawing and journaling helpful.

I read a temporary digital ARC of this book for review.

[Candice Walsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Megan Devine's "It's OK That You're Not OK" was a game changer for me after Mom died in 2019. I'm glad it's the first book about grief I ever picked up, because it taught me a profound truth: I have to carry my grief, because it can't be fixed. I eventually took her grief writing course and found an incredible community of support there, and so I was ecstatic to hear about this journal. I was INCREDIBLY sceptical about the art/drawing exercises, because I've only ever expressed myself with words. Turns out it was one of the most powerful things I could have done for myself. Every prompt (including written) in this journal allowed me to truly examine my grief in a deeper way. Highly recommend for anyone experiencing loss.

[Hada · Rating 4 out of 5]

من همون اول سوگ از دست دادن عزیزم این کتاب رو گرفتم و بخاطر همین نمیتونستم مرحله به مرحله تمربن‌هاش رو انجام بدم و برم جلو پس تصمیم گرفتم فقط کتاب رو تا آخر بخونم و بعد فقط سعی کنم گاهی یکی از توصیه‌هاش استفاده کنم.
الان که حدودا سه ماه از اون روزا گذشته وقتی به عقب نگاه میکنم میبینم کلی این کتاب کمکم کرده.
خیلی از نویسنده‌ش ممنونم که بهم یادآوری کرد تو این مسیر تنها نیستم و بقیه هم همینقدر تو سوگ عجیب و غیر قابل پیش‌بینی میشن.♡

[Shamim Valian · Rating 1 out of 5]

کاملا سطحی ... بیشتر بچه بازی بود تا کتابی که کمک کننده باشه

[Barooon · Rating 5 out of 5]

واقعا مثل یک روان‌درمانگر کمکم کرد و مثل یک دوست ازم حمایت کرد خیلی این کتاب رو دوست داشتم
میگن کتاب خوب کتابیه که با تموم شدنش حس کنی یه دوست خوب رو از دست دادی و من واقعا این حس رو با این کتاب تجربه کردم و حتما بارها برمی‌گردم و میخونمش

[طاقچه]

https://taaghche.com/book/106297/%DA%...
همان طور که از عنوان کتاب پیداست، موضوع کتاب درباره از دست‌دادن و فقدان است. سوگ‌هایی که دل افراد را می‌شکند و کنار آمدن با آن فقدان
را برای افراد مشکل می‌کند. این سوگ‌ها بیشتر مربوط به مرگ عزیزان هستند که افراد در زندگی با آن مواجه می‌شوند. دیواین در کتابش با راهکارهایی می‌کوشد به خواننده کمک کند از طریق برنامه‌ریزی و ساخت فهرستی برای حواس‌پرتی یا فعالیت‌هایی مانند: نقاشی و کلاژ بهره ببرد. او معتقد است حواس‌پرتی از طریق تماشای فیلم، گوش کردن به موسیقی و غیره یکی از موهبت‌هایی است که در دوران سوگ می‌توانیم به آن توجه کنیم. همچنین راه‌حل‌های دیگری نیز در این موارد بیان می‌کند. اطلاعاتی که در کتاب با زبانی ساده و قابل درک برای همگان نوشته شده است.

دیواین در این کتاب در سه بخش و هفده فصل اطلاعاتی را برای همیاری با پزشکان و متخصصان ارائه می‌کند. بخش اول کتاب 5 فصل دارد که عبارتند از: «ماجرا آغاز می‌شود»، «اگر امتناع کنم چه؟»، «دوام آوردن با کمی کمک: واقعی یا خیالی»، «نمای درونی» و «تمامش درد آور است» بخش دوم شامل فصل ششم تا یازدهم است که عناوین آن عبارتند از: «جاده‌های ناهموار پیش‌رو»، «آسایش و ترمیم»، «موهبت‌ها و مخاطرات حواس‌پرتی»، «خشم سزاوار فصل خاص خود است»، «دیدگاه»، «عطیه‌ی غایی». در بخش پایانی هم کتاب شش فصل با نام‌های «نمی‌خواهم به زندگی عادی برگردم»، «سوگ شما، مسیر شما به پایان می‌رسد»، «کناره‌گیری از حمایت نادرست»، «دوستان و متحدان و درخواست کمک»، «سرور دو جهان» و «آزادی برای زیستن» دارد.

یکی از مشکلات در دوران سوگ واکنش‌های اطرافیان است. اگر احساسات‌تان را بروز دهید، مردم می‌گویند “بیش از حد احساساتی” هستید و اگر آن را بروز ندهید می‌گویند در مرحله‌ی “انکار” هستید و باید با حقیقت روبه‌رو شوید. با این حساب تعجبی ندارد که بیش‌تر افراد سوگ‌شان را پیش خودشان نگه می‌دارند. مسئله این است که شما بنا نیست یک‌باره در برابر تمام فشار سوگ مقاومت کنید، چنین چیزی ممکن نیست. باید زمان‌هایی وجود داشته باشد که بتوانید روی برگردانید، نگاه‌تان را بردارید و در برابر سوگ‌تان بی‌حس شوید. زمانی که سوگ تازه است، شما هر ثانیه‌ در هر روز در دل آن زخم دردناک عاطفی هستید. بعضی روزها، بعضی لحظات، قادرید نگاه خیره‌ خود را روی قلب شکسته‌‌تان حفظ کنید و بعضی روزها و بعضی لحظات، حفظ آن نگاه خیره غیرممکن به نظر می‌رسد. در لحظاتی که با دردتان همنشین هستید، برداشتن نگاه‌تان از آن، وقتی بیش از حد تحمل‌تان می‌شود، شفقت نسبت به خود محسوب می‌شود. اشکالی ندارد در صورت نیاز روی برگردانید، اشکالی ندارد نسبت به درد و غم‌تان بی‌حس باشید. بی‌احساسی بخشی از سوگ است. وقتی فقدان شما را سست می‌کند و به قهقرا می‌برد، نیاز به برگرداندن نگاه خود نه تنها طبیعی، بلکه اقدامی سالم است و مهربانی به شمار می‌آید.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This journal is absolutely so so good. Throughout reading it, I thought: “Oh, I really want to gift this book to x and y”.

Devine handles grief so well and gives a clear and supporting explanation on what you can do to cope with grief. You have to live with grief, not overcome it.

This book/journal has such a powerful message and I’ll be sure to buy it for myself and some friends who have had to face with grief once it publishes!

[Yvonne van der Fluit · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the early stages of grief I couldnt do much with this book. It sat on my shelf and sometimes I would pick it up. The last couple of days I felt that I wanted to finish this book now. I got through it much faster and I could do a lot more with the stuff written. Still some parts are difficult, try to find meaning is where I am in my proces. Slowly integrating my lost one back into my life and figuring out in a bigger way who I am now, what is my new normal. This book helped to get some answers as well as insights about how to continue.

Grief will never go away, once you've met grief she will be a part of your life. How this looks like is up to you. Grief can be your friend, your shadow. It can feel joy and happiness at the same time as grieving. She will be here from now on.

[Ashleigh Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got an advanced copy, and wow. Being able to tangibly work through grief is powerful. It’s not just journal prompts - it’s construction, destruction, creation. The book doesn’t make any expectations, it welcomes you to engage, and it guides you through if you’re stalled.

I keep it in my work laptop case some days for when I need to let off steam. For example a student made a cancer joke this week that was upsetting to me since that’s why I have loss. That afternoon I took 5 to fill out the journey prompt. One thing I will do, and have seen others do on the social media griefosphere js get it spiral-bound at Staples to make it easier to work with. I hope the publisher considers this!

My coworker ordered one for someone who lost their child. I lost my mom. All grief is different, and this book lets you attack, embrace, or channel your grief regardless of origin.

[شایسته]

یه شب که خوابم نمی‌برد گوشش دادم. مطمئن نیستم چقدر واقعا می‌تونه به کار آدمی بیاد که دچار به سوگ. خیلی به‌نظرم سانتیمانتال اومد برای این‌که وقتی دچار اون احساساتی بخونیش. گمونم بیشتر به درد کسی که می‌خواد مراقبت کنه از کسی که سوگواره بخوره.
زرد و هپی‌هپی و انگیزشی‌طور نبود. گمونم آخراش گفت درد فقدان چاره که نداره، پس سوگ قرار نیست ناپدید بشه یا واقعا تموم بشه هیچ موقع. که یعنی اگه فرضت از عبور و رهایی این شکلیه، بهتره که این‌ شکلی نباشه. گمونم گفت تسلیم شو و اجازه بده سوگ هم باشه و ببین چکار می‌شه کرد.

[Hadis book greader · Rating 5 out of 5]

وقتی اندوهی داری که نمی‌تونی برای کسی بیانش کنی یا اگر در موقعیتی هستی که کسی اندوهت رو درک نمی‌کنه یا افرادی هستند که با گفتن جمله «قوی باش» بیشتر اندوهگینت می‌کنند، این کتاب بهترین دوست تو خواهد بود.

همه می‌دونیم که درد روح بسیار سخت‌تر و غیرقابل تحمل‌تر از درد جسمه تا جایی که اینقدر درمانده می‌شیم که نمی‌دونیم باید چه کاری کنیم که بتونیم از تاریکی اندوه و غم بیرون بیاییم. همه ما می‌دونیم که برای درد جسم مسکنی پیدا می‌شه که حداقل برای مدتی درد رو آروم کنه اما امان از درد روح که گاهی اینقدر طاقت‌فرسا می‌شه که هیچ تسکینی براش پیدا نمی‌شه.

حقیقت اینه که این کتاب با رویکردی واقعی‌گرایانه و خیلی شفاف میگه که راهی برای فراموشی نیست و بهترین راه اینه که اندوه و سوگت رو بپذیری و به دوش بکشی. بپذیری که اندوه از این به بعد با تو هست. حتی اگر گذر زمان باعث کمرنگ‌تر شدنش بشه اما جای زخمش همیشه با تو می‌مونه.

به قول دامبلدور در کتاب فوق‌العاده هری پاتر، اول باید اندوهت رو بپذیری تا بتونی باهاش روبه‌رو بشی و بر اون پیروز بشی. و مگان دیوان در این کتاب می‌گه که گاهی پیروزی یعنی به رسمیت شناختن اندوهی که داره تو رو از پا می‌اندازه. و اشکالی نداره اگر حالت خوب نیست.

خلاصه که با این جورنال تصویری و تمرین‌هایی که داره می‌تونی به این مرحله از پذیرش برسی که به قول سعدی:
گنج و مار و
گل و خار و
غم و شادی
به همند

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excerpt:
Grief isn’t a problem to be solved; it’s an experience to be carried.
If you’re going to survive your grief, you’ll need to find ways to inhabit grief—
to live between those two extremes of “all better” and “hopelessly doomed.” You
need tools to build a life alongside your loss, not make that loss disappear.
As impossible as it might seem, you can survive your grief. It won’t be all sunshine and roses, and it’s not going to be easy. Everything I offer in this workbook
is meant to help you come into relationship with grief, to help you learn how to
carry it, and most of all, to help you come to yourself with kindness—for all you’ve
had to live.

_________________________________

When my husband passed away last year at the age of 36, my world was completely shattered. I saw a recommendation for Megan Devine's "It's Okay That You're Not Okay" and it was, quite literally, life changing for me. I don't want to re-hash my review of that book (which I should get around to posting someday) but the basic premise is that our society has a lot of wrong and harmful ideas about grief, like that you need to be fixed (or that you even *can* be fixed). This was revolutionary for me - anyone who has read books on grief can tell you that there's a lot of unhelpful garbage out there, and people mean well but often miss the mark badly. So when I found out this journal was coming out, I was ALL IN.

First of all, the book is beautiful. I hadn't expected to be so moved by the images. Second, the activities in the book really have been helpful for me so far. It feels a little cheesy at first, making drawings or collages, but something about the physical process seems to really help me identify more with the concept, and process my grief in a different way than journaling or therapy does. Not that I'm giving up traditional journaling or therapy, but this journal feels like an extra tool in my toolbox, and I'm grateful for it.

Megan's writing makes me feel seen and heard, and less alone. She reminds me that there is nothing WRONG with me, that my grief is healthy and natural. It's helped me a lot, to feel less overwhelmed, because the goal isn't to be "cured" or "fixed", but to learn how to carry on in my current state. She acknowledges the enormity of loss and doesn't downplay how much it sucks. She points out the very physical effects of grief, and reminds me that brain fog, fatigue, and forgetfulness aren't indications that something is *wrong* with me; she helps me reframe things so that I'm kinder to myself, she reminds me to take things one day at a time.

If you liked Megan's other book, this journal is a no-brainer. And if you didn't, you can dive right into this journal anyway, you don't need to read the book first. If you benefit from journaling or making art, I highly highly recommend this journal. If you know someone who is experiencing a significant loss, this is a great gift, something truly helpful.

[Vanessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had to take my time with this book… Not because it was long or difficult to read on its own, but because I’ve been going through a prolonged period of grief myself and it was… difficult to take in a lot of the things being said.

However, I think “How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief” is helpful, especially if you can get it in physical format/printed, as it has several things you can literally take from it and add to a journal, to a pinboard or just to keep as reminders.

Grief is always a difficult thing to talk and to navigate. There is no right or wrong way to do it. While we’re grieving, as I currently am, we feel particularly vulnerable, and some people in society may seek to invalidate or diminish the importance/significance of our grief. Obviously, we don’t need anyone’s validation to grieve and to feel the way we do, but when we’re vulnerable, the smallest comment can make us feel even worse, and I appreciated that this book made me feel somewhat ‘validated’ in my emotions and my grief and that no one has the right to tell me how to feel, act or how ‘quickly’ I need to process my grief.

There is no ‘solution’ for grief, no time limit, no path to go through it, because we all feel and experience loss uniquely. No 2 people grieve in the same way, and it’s very hurtful that some really do want us to ‘snap out’ of our emotions and pain according to their views and what they believe to be appropriate timing.

I found it helpful and I think anyone who has suffered a loss, no matter if it’s a human or animal loss, will benefit from a lot of what is in this journal.


Thank you kindly to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read this in exchange for my opinion and honest review.

#HowtoCarryWhatCantBeFixed #NetGalley

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This illustrated journal on grief begins with the premise that “grief is not a problem to be solved, it is an experience to be carried.” In her first book on grief, “Its ok not to be ok” Megan Devine describes her own personal journey of grief and challenges conventional perceptions of grief, providing sage advice and wisdom to those who are grieving as well as guidance for those who are supporting someone else through a loss.

This journal picks up where the first book left off; while the first book addresses the “why” this journal is perfect companion of “how.” The journal is broken into chapters that reflect the journey of grief being something that you carry: departure, adventure (of sorts), and return. The language of the book is supportive and recognizes that everyone’s journey of grief looks and feels different. There are a variety of exercises in the book that reflect this diversity of experience, from writing to drawing, colouring, and mindfulness activities that will help you to notice, acknowledge, and process the difficult uncertain and often changing emotions of grief. There is no judgement in the book; you are encouraged to explore your grief in your own “sovereign” way. Chapters that are named “What if I don’t want to return back to normal?” and “Your grief, your way” reflect the idea that “acceptance” is a fairly limiting view of what it looks like in reality to hold the space of grief in our lives while still moving forwards.

Grief is the other side of love and this journal helps you to remember and explore the love that you will always have with the loss you have experienced. It invites you to have love and compassion for yourself during the difficult and turbulent times of grief. This journal is like a good friend who listens, validates your experience, sees you for who you are, and creates the space for you to cry, get mad, and hold what cannot be fixed.

[Tanya Juhasz · Rating 5 out of 5]

After experiencing a tragic loss, I was lost, confused and broken. I felt alone and felt no one understood my pain. I could not even grasp what was happening to my heart, mind, body and soul. I couldn't comprehend how close friends and family, as well as the society at large, seem to fail me at every turn and I felt completely alone. It wasn't until I read Megan's first book, "It's Okay That You're Not Okay" that began to understand my grief and begin to embrace it. It also lead me to taking her Writing Your Grief e-course where I began to explore, through writing, where I began to see my grief for what it was in all of it's ugly and beautiful glory. Now, "How to Carry what Can't be Fixed" is the ultimate guide through the complexities of grief. Megan lovingly and honestly takes your hand to lead you through your own journey. One aspect of my grief I call "my hamster wheel of pain" and there are times that I feel like I am going to implode while running through a labyrinth of thoughts and feelings I can't escape. Megan's new book is like a guide book, gently taking your hand, to help lead you through that labyrinth. There is no curriculum grades or judgements - just an opportunity to explore your grief to allow more real estate in your brain and heart to let in other healing opportunities. I highly recommend "How to Carry what can't be Fixed" for anyone stuck in that labyrinth of grief. You won't be fixed, but you will learn more about yourself and offer some blessed relief from your own hamster brain of pain. I am forever grateful for Megan Devine and her insights, authenticity and gentle guidance to experience grief in your own way and in your own time.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really need to dive deeper into this journal, but I'm very excited. I've had so many losses since my dad dying in 2017 that I've had a harder time getting past without anger and resentment. I took Megan's grief writing course, and it was hard but so immensely helpful to me. I really should have done more. But now, with this book in my hand, I feel I have it all in my pocket. Since being in school for social work, writing papers, and reading so much so often, I need something bite-sized in chunks that I can pick up and put down. Also, you don't have to write - you can get creative and collage or do another medium that suits you. These aren't stale prompts. They are thought-provoking. There's a lot here I could have used a few years ago, honestly. There are some activities I will use soon concerning the pandemic and traumas and losses I have to go easy with. I can do these on my own, or I can share them with my therapist.
I also love there's a single chapter devoted to anger because some deaths made me terribly angry.
Speaking as a social work student, I think there's much value here that will help, especially with fogginess and anxiety from that intense early grief. I'd recommend it to grief counselors or others who work with grieving people too.

It's a cool little toolbox whose time has come, and it's beautifully illustrated.

[Pam · Rating 5 out of 5]

This grief journal is such a welcome companion to helping guide me through my journey without my mother. I learned in Megan’s book, “It’s Okay That You’re Not Ok”, that our grief cannot be fixed, it must be carried. We need to shift from the thought of fixing our pain to dealing with it. My mother died in August of 2020 and I bought Megan’s book shortly thereafter. Since then, I’ve done a lot of journaling on my own, which I really haven’t done before, but it really helps. I was so excited when I learned that Megan was putting together this journal. She has such a wonderful way of connecting with others on the same road, that we didn’t want to be on, and she helps make it less lonely. I got the journal yesterday and it’s difficult to explain the peace I felt just holding onto it. I couldn’t wait to flip through it! This journal has so many wonderful, connecting, helpful exercises; I cannot wait to try them all! The few I’ve tried already, have helped me find a peace within myself and a connection to my mom. Even if you have never journaled before or if you don’t think you’re artistic, if you’re searching for some type of guidance or peace in dealing with the loss of someone you love, I think this book is a very valuable tool and worthwhile purchase. Also, I’d like to tell you, I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry that you’re on this journey, but you’re not alone.

[Brittany · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Cognitive changes are common in grief. Memory, comprehension, attention - they all require a lot of power, and you just don't have the energy to spare. Think of cognitive changes like this: let's say you have one hundred units of brain power for each day. Right now, the enormity of grief, trauma, sadness, and loneliness takes up ninety-nine of those energy units. That remaining one unit is what you have for the mundane and ordinary skills of life, such as organizing carpools and funeral details. It also has to keep you breathing, keep your heart beating, and help you access your cognitive, social, and relational skills."

"Evidence of doing well - taking things less personally"

"...I often remind people of the airplane safety analogy: in times of trouble or danger, put your own oxygen mask on first before you try to help others. Inside your grief, you have to put yourself first. To survive, you have to become fierce about caring for yourself."

"But just because they don't know better doesn't mean you have to grin and bear it."

"Grief, like love, has its own timeline and its own growth curve. As with all natural processes, we don't have complete control over it. What is in your control is how you care for yourself...But it's not always easy moving forward when you're not sure about the ground beneath your feet, let alone what the days and years to come might bring."

[Karen Gardner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I have been waiting to find! Finally, an interactive and honest discussion about grief and its effect on every part of your life. The premise of the book is that “grief isn’t a problem to be solved; it’s an experience to be carried” which is so refreshing and a huge relief to grievers like me who have felt as though they should get over their grief. Megan declares her book as “the place to tell the truth about your grief” and that is exactly what it felt like working through the exercises. This journal takes you on a story telling journey that starts with Departure, moves into Adventure (of sorts) and ends with Return. It follows a very gentle and kind approach to exploring your grief and focuses on adopting a sustainable approach to self-care as a way to let go of some of the suffering we experience in grief. The prompts, quotes and exercises helped me to explore and process my grief from many different perspectives and I learned some things that both surprised and helped me. I found the tips and checklists included lots of practical ideas for dealing with what has felt, at times, impossible to survive. This is a resource I will pick up and rely on over and over again.

[Andrea L'Heureux · Rating 5 out of 5]

Megan's work online has been a light post since my brother's accidental death when he was 21, five years ago. I am so grateful for Megan's first book and now this journal! I am a 30-something who finds the "usual" grief books and journals that are full of platitudes to be unhelpful and sometimes downright harmful. This journal reflects how I experience grief, and feels like a hug from someone who "gets it".

As a bereaved sibling, I like that this book is all encompassing for any type of grief. I see myself in the prompts and am happy to find something that feels right for me.

The journal is a great medium size, easy to cozy up with in bed, and perfect for writing notes or longer entries directly on the pages. I like how I can go through the book in order or jump around to what seems most interesting depending on how I'm feeling. The prompts are thoughtful and unique.

Like all of Megan's work, this journal is a breath of fresh air. I recommend this for anyone who wants to understand their own grief, or a loved one's grief better. Even if you are not a journal fan or writer, I think this book is worth purchasing for the thought provoking and comforting messages throughout.

[Cassie · Rating 5 out of 5]

My very first impression of Megan Devine’s new Journal for Grief – “How to Carry What Can’t be Fixed” was how wonderful it felt to hold it in my hands. The smooth coolness of the cover and the solid weight of the book pleased my senses and felt calming. The physical book feels substantial, comforting, even hopeful. The cover art and illustrations are linear, simple and integral to the full experience of the journal. Once inside I was pleased to find my first impressions were only the beginning of my love of this Journal. If you read Megan Devine's first book, It's OK that You're Not OK then you know what a great resource her work is to help one learn to carry the grief that becomes your entire life when you lose someone you cannot bear to be without. I found It's OK that You're Not OK within a couple weeks of the loss of my 25 year old daughter. It was a lifeline. No platitudes, no upbeat it will be fine if you ... but just an honest listening and seeing me for the way I felt. The Journal is more hands on with the chance to draw your grief, write it and learn ways to carry it a bit easier, even if it's never OK.

[Crystal Beausoleil · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book/journal allowed me to explore my grief when my grandfather passed away… which took a lot of opening myself up to all that pain. Pain that doesn’t go away, but that I will never overlook again.

After his loss, which I found out through text unexpectedly, I couldn’t really process losing the person who made such a big impact in my life. The world shattered, then when it was whole again, stopped moving. When in the thick of grief, you never want to burden others (your mind tells you through it even amazing support systems). I came up with the idea to get a book I could learn from but also give the words a place to hide or even be free. IT HELPED. Not all at once, of course, that’s not how grief or even healing works… but slowly I started using the book more to allow my mind/heart to gain closure with trying to accept the loss, the hurt, and not consistently thinking about what future moments I won't share with him again. The book is not finished… and that’s okay. I use it when I need to.

I try to give this journal out to others who lost someone and need a safe place to store those emotions/words. If you’re struggling, go get this book.

[Nerea Blackthorn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to the publisher Sounds True and Netgalley for this e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed is a self-help book about grief and loss, and anxiety and fears.

The author talks about how grief affects us, and how to carry with it, and with loss and anxiety. The book gives us more information to learn more about them. It creates more awareness about them.

I also found it very helpful the exercises that were in the book to calm the mind, how it gives you things to do to calm it: meditation, draw something calming,... I found all of them so helpful!

Also, it gives you space to feel good while reading it in a way so calm and quiet. It lets you express yourself by writing or by doing something that expresses how you feel and how you can be calmed, in whatever way (like I've said before: by writing, or drawing,...).

I recommend this book to the people that are used to read self-help books, or books that talk about these topics.

#HowtoCarryWhatCantBeFixed #Netgalley

[Alicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty great workbook for anyone grieving the loss of someone.

There are exercises and prompts to help you engage, focus and evaluate how you're feeling and where you are. While not all the exercises were for me (I don't care much for drawing), there are other types of exercises like journaling (more my speed) or making a collage, some just filling in blanks.

As far as the grief process, this book is extremely validating, which is SO important. I love how it focuses on noticing, analyzing and validating your feelings and where ever you may be in your grief. There are even great tips on how to interact with others (helpful and not so helpful others), and how to ask for help when you're a bit lost, or are stubbornly trying to take everything on yourself.

In all, it's a very short and fairly comprehensive guide to working through loss. I would definitely recommend this, and appreciate the ARC opportunity for an honest review from Sounds True Publishing on NetGalley.

[Julia Hewitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unlike other books that promise to help you "heal" from or "overcome" your grief, from its very title, How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed offers an approach that acknowledges what Megan Devine writes in her previous book, It's OK That You're Not OK: "this really is as bad as you think." Grief can't be fixed; it can only be carried – and this book offers a way to tell the truth about all our grief though words, drawing, collage, and more. But you don't have to be a writer or an artist, and Devine makes it clear that none of what you create has to make sense or be "art." She knows that "Nothing is going to take your grief away. Not this workbook. Not any resource" – and in that knowing, has created a series of opportunities to carry just a little more lightly that which we can't fix. It's been a powerful companion as I grieve my father's death, and I know I will be ordering copies for many, many friends.

[Jo E]

Oh my, but this is a great journal for grieving loss. Something like this has been needed for the grieving for years. It's well-written, honest, and leaves one feeling like they can get their innermost thoughts and feelings out. It is extremely creative in it's approach. The prompts are thought-provoking and are helping me think outside of the box. The artwork is exquisitely simple in it's colors and lines. I love this book and will be getting a lot out of it to help me learn to carry my grief. Megan Devine's first book, "It's Okay That You're Not Okay. Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand" is something everyone should read...grievers or non-grievers, supporters of grievers, anyone who has experienced loss. It's open, raw and honest. It's been one of the best books to help me survive my losses.
I highly recommend both of these books to anyone who has experienced loss or knows someone who has experienced loss.