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Free to Thrive: How Your Hurt, Struggles, and Deepest Longings Can Lead to a Fulfilling Life
Overcome your struggles. Fulfill your deepest longings. Your whole life awaits you.
Many people today are struggling with unprecedented levels of anxiety, hurt, doubt, guilt, and shame. Medical and mental health professionals confirm that much of the dysfunction and disconnectedness we experience in life stems from unresolved relational and emotional hurts. These hurts leave us with unfulfilled God-given longings that we seek to fulfill through unhealthy behaviors and relationships. Yet, our struggles aren't random; they're signals that when answered, can pave our way towards a thriving life.
In Free to Thrive, Josh McDowell and Ben Bennett invite you on a journey of healing and will teach you how to overcome unwanted behaviors by engaging your unmet longings. With a blend of hard-won wisdom and youthful energy, they
Biblical teaching
Recent neuroscientific research
Time-tested principles
Personal stories of deliverance
Practical tools
Opportunities for reflection
No matter what you are struggling with, it is possible to experience the spiritual, emotional, and relational wholeness that God wants you to have--and live the thriving life you were made for.
Many people today are struggling with unprecedented levels of anxiety, hurt, doubt, guilt, and shame. Medical and mental health professionals confirm that much of the dysfunction and disconnectedness we experience in life stems from unresolved relational and emotional hurts. These hurts leave us with unfulfilled God-given longings that we seek to fulfill through unhealthy behaviors and relationships. Yet, our struggles aren't random; they're signals that when answered, can pave our way towards a thriving life.
In Free to Thrive, Josh McDowell and Ben Bennett invite you on a journey of healing and will teach you how to overcome unwanted behaviors by engaging your unmet longings. With a blend of hard-won wisdom and youthful energy, they
Biblical teaching
Recent neuroscientific research
Time-tested principles
Personal stories of deliverance
Practical tools
Opportunities for reflection
No matter what you are struggling with, it is possible to experience the spiritual, emotional, and relational wholeness that God wants you to have--and live the thriving life you were made for.
235 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 17, 2021
59 people are currently reading
2015 people want to read
About the author
Josh McDowell
515 books646 followersJosh McDowell is a bestselling Christian apologist, evangelist, and author of over 150 books, including Evidence That Demands a Verdict and More Than a Carpenter. Once an agnostic, he converted to Christianity while investigating its historical claims. He went on to earn degrees from Wheaton College and Talbot Theological Seminary. For decades, McDowell has been a prominent speaker with Campus Crusade for Christ, addressing issues of faith, character, and youth culture worldwide. His work emphasizes historical and legal evidence for Christianity and tackles challenges posed by skepticism and non-Christian beliefs. He lives in California with his wife, Dottie, and is the father of four children, including fellow apologist Sean McDowell.
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
August 17, 2021
We all have longings in life. A longing to be loved, accepted, valued, safe, and more. These longings can go unmet in our lives causing us pain, leading to frustration and anger, and behaviors such as addictions, self harm or loathing, lashing out at others and more. But God doesn't want us to live a life of being stuck in unending cycles of behaving in a way that pleases Him, then a situation triggers past unmet longings leading to frustration or hurt and causing us to return back to our addictions or behaviors that are not pleasing to God. God wants us to thrive in life, living an abundant life. Free to Thrive discusses why we continue in this cycle of unwanted behaviors. This book identifies the seven longings in life that when they are unmet can lead to dissatisfaction, frustration, and later addictions and unwanted behaviors. The authors, Josh McDowell and Ben Bennett are open and honest about their struggles and past experiences. They use personal stories along with other examples to show how we can examine our lives and identify the longing (s) that are unmet in our lives and then work at changing how we react to situations triggering these unmet longings leading us to return to our unwanted behaviors. They discuss how these longings are fulfilled by God and how we can take steps to renewing our mind and changing our thought patterns. This book includes self examination questions, diagrams, tables, and further resources for help in identifying, renewing our minds, and changing our behaviors. I found this book extremely helpful and useful to me in learning the seven longings people have, identifying what longing (s) are unmet in my life causing hurt, frustration, anger, depression, anxiety and more in my life and a life that is stuck in a cycle of self destruction. At the end of each chapter there are self reflection questions. I haven't gone through all of them but plan on rereading this book, doing self examination, journaling, working on renewing my mind, and working towards changing my thought patterns and responses to situations leading to the thriving life which God has promised and wants us to live. I did have to go back and reread parts of the book to understand them. Free to Thrive is not a quick read, it is a book to be read slower, thought about, worked through and reread again to fully grasp the contents and change your thinking. This book will be added to my tool box of resources for dealing with and overcoming my struggles with depression, anxiety, self esteem and insecurities. I highly recommend this book to anyone struggling in life with addictions, mental health struggles, feeling stuck in life or wondering why things seem to never get better. Free to Thrive is a useful tool to evaluating your thoughts, reactions or responses to situations and relationships in your lives. Pick up a copy today and take a step toward living a life that thrives. I received an advanced copy of this book for my honest review. All opinions expressed in this review are my own.
September 25, 2021
This book addresses the reasons why the authors believe Christians struggle with unwanted behaviors. They discuss the 7 longings each person is born with and how dysfunctional behavior arises out of not having these 7 longings fulfilled in the past or the present. I think they offer a good description of core human desires and how out of unmet desire we can begin to act in ways that don't match our values. While the overall message of the book is good and uplifting, I found at times when the authors describe the effects of trauma or unprocessed pain that it can become too vague (like what does it mean to process the past).
September 3, 2021
The authors, well-known author and apologist Josh McDowell, and pastor and speaker Ben Bennett have joined forces to examine why so many Christians struggle through life rather than thrive as children of God. Due to their own experiences and their years of ministry, they believe most believers are suffering due to unmet needs in their lives.
McDowell and Bennett make the case that God has designed all people with seven basic needs:
Acceptance --- to be included and approved of, as you are, no matter what.
Appreciation --- the longing to be thanked and encouraged for something we have done.
Affection --- the longing to be cared for with touch and genuine emotional engagement.
Access --- the longing to have the consistent emotional and physical presence of key persons.
Attention --- the longing to be known and understood by someone who enters into your world.
Affirmation of feelings --- the longing to have our feelings validated and confirmed by others.
Assurance of safety --- we need to feel protected and provided for emotionally, physically, and financially.
The authors contend that hurting Christians with unfulfilled longings suffer because they try to satisfy those longings themselves or with other earthly things or people. But God placed those longings in us so that we might always go to Him with our needs.
McDowell and Bennett are unusually open and honest in sharing their own unmet longings and the adverse effects those had in their personal lives and ministries. Writing as fellow strugglers, they encourage readers to understand that they are not unusual in trying to satisfy their longings without God and give practical steps to begin looking to God for help and comfort. The book concludes with helpful appendices of the Longings Table and websites and books for further ongoing support. I heartily recommend this book.
McDowell and Bennett make the case that God has designed all people with seven basic needs:
Acceptance --- to be included and approved of, as you are, no matter what.
Appreciation --- the longing to be thanked and encouraged for something we have done.
Affection --- the longing to be cared for with touch and genuine emotional engagement.
Access --- the longing to have the consistent emotional and physical presence of key persons.
Attention --- the longing to be known and understood by someone who enters into your world.
Affirmation of feelings --- the longing to have our feelings validated and confirmed by others.
Assurance of safety --- we need to feel protected and provided for emotionally, physically, and financially.
The authors contend that hurting Christians with unfulfilled longings suffer because they try to satisfy those longings themselves or with other earthly things or people. But God placed those longings in us so that we might always go to Him with our needs.
McDowell and Bennett are unusually open and honest in sharing their own unmet longings and the adverse effects those had in their personal lives and ministries. Writing as fellow strugglers, they encourage readers to understand that they are not unusual in trying to satisfy their longings without God and give practical steps to begin looking to God for help and comfort. The book concludes with helpful appendices of the Longings Table and websites and books for further ongoing support. I heartily recommend this book.
August 20, 2025
Free to thrive
Not behavior modification but heart transformation.
We have longings. God given. Our longings can drive us to god or away from Him. We often seek them through the wrong way.
Understanding our problems leads us to Gods provision. God takes the broken pieces of our lives and makes them whole.
We live in a broken world. Jesus will make all things new. God has met the deepest longings of our heart.
We discover the person we already are in Christ.
His view of me trumps everyone else’s.
The 7 longings :
Acceptance- loved and approved of. I’m valued. Romans 5:8.
Appreciation. - to know our doing matters.
Cornerstone of a whole life.
Affection- the longing to be cared for, touched, and engaged. Nighter and affection are vital needs
Assurance of safety
David understood and felt the sting of rejection
We all have a longing for these things
Our battles are temporary. When we meet Jesus, it will outweigh every temporary moment.
Suffering allows growth.
When we disconnect from God we notice more unmet longings.
The God- given longings show us I was made for more. There is hope. It’s possible to have a place of true satisfaction.
Emotional health and spiritual maturity go hand in hand.
Unmet longings lead to unwanted behaviors. The trigger core beliefs.
Gods meets our longings in healthy ways that truly satisfy our hearts.
Our behavior follows our beliefs.
Renew our minds through gods power. We can overcome our battles and develop new positive core beliefs.
Our beliefs can extend to wrong conceptions about God.
See yourself as God sees you.
When we are freely seen and known we can be met with love.
Am I growing and maturing into the person I want to be?
Not behavior modification but heart transformation.
We have longings. God given. Our longings can drive us to god or away from Him. We often seek them through the wrong way.
Understanding our problems leads us to Gods provision. God takes the broken pieces of our lives and makes them whole.
We live in a broken world. Jesus will make all things new. God has met the deepest longings of our heart.
We discover the person we already are in Christ.
His view of me trumps everyone else’s.
The 7 longings :
Acceptance- loved and approved of. I’m valued. Romans 5:8.
Appreciation. - to know our doing matters.
Cornerstone of a whole life.
Affection- the longing to be cared for, touched, and engaged. Nighter and affection are vital needs
Assurance of safety
David understood and felt the sting of rejection
We all have a longing for these things
Our battles are temporary. When we meet Jesus, it will outweigh every temporary moment.
Suffering allows growth.
When we disconnect from God we notice more unmet longings.
The God- given longings show us I was made for more. There is hope. It’s possible to have a place of true satisfaction.
Emotional health and spiritual maturity go hand in hand.
Unmet longings lead to unwanted behaviors. The trigger core beliefs.
Gods meets our longings in healthy ways that truly satisfy our hearts.
Our behavior follows our beliefs.
Renew our minds through gods power. We can overcome our battles and develop new positive core beliefs.
Our beliefs can extend to wrong conceptions about God.
See yourself as God sees you.
When we are freely seen and known we can be met with love.
Am I growing and maturing into the person I want to be?
September 17, 2025
I learned a little more about myself...
Most of us, likely all of us, have been wounded. Those wounds caused us to act in a certain way that is different than the way we acted Before we were wounded. A lot like how we learned what the word, "hot" meant, as we touched something that burned us... Ouch! What we learned was that hot things will burn us, and so we don't touch them.
That's a simplified, and figurative, example of how we learn to protect ourselves when we get burned.
On a shallower level, we can set boundaries to protect us from allowing others to hurt us. Particularly those that we won't allow, or don't have, personal influence or access to us.
What about when someone who does have that influence or access to us, someone that we love and trust, "burns" us, what happens then? Is it as simple as saying, "I won't let that happen again!" Well, that may be the case. The problem lies where, when this scenario plays out, that the "hot" ones, are the ones in which we look to, to meet our deepest needs and longings. If we protect ourselves from being burned, we are also blocking out the ones that meet our deepest human needs and desires.
What happens when those longings go unmet, is addressed in the pages, along with the supporting document, in this book.
I discovered some deep longings that were unmet in my childhood, that explain the "Why" I've had some unwanted thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes in my life.
Most of us, likely all of us, have been wounded. Those wounds caused us to act in a certain way that is different than the way we acted Before we were wounded. A lot like how we learned what the word, "hot" meant, as we touched something that burned us... Ouch! What we learned was that hot things will burn us, and so we don't touch them.
That's a simplified, and figurative, example of how we learn to protect ourselves when we get burned.
On a shallower level, we can set boundaries to protect us from allowing others to hurt us. Particularly those that we won't allow, or don't have, personal influence or access to us.
What about when someone who does have that influence or access to us, someone that we love and trust, "burns" us, what happens then? Is it as simple as saying, "I won't let that happen again!" Well, that may be the case. The problem lies where, when this scenario plays out, that the "hot" ones, are the ones in which we look to, to meet our deepest needs and longings. If we protect ourselves from being burned, we are also blocking out the ones that meet our deepest human needs and desires.
What happens when those longings go unmet, is addressed in the pages, along with the supporting document, in this book.
I discovered some deep longings that were unmet in my childhood, that explain the "Why" I've had some unwanted thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes in my life.
August 22, 2021
It’s high time we face the underlying factors driving our unwanted behaviors and struggles and begin a journey to healing through biblical, well-researched, and time-tested principles. You are not made to flounder and flail; you are made for more. You are made to thrive. Jesus offers you healing, health, wholeness, and true satisfaction. Through timeless biblical principles, backed by research, you’ll find solutions in this book that God will use to set you free. We invite you into your journey of healing from hurts and overcoming your unwanted behaviors by engaging your unmet longings. Your thriving life awaits.
We must live out of a position of wholeness, the completeness of who we are as new creations in Christ. We must find the deepest fulfillment of our longings in Christ rather than always looking to others to satisfy our every need.
The authors really want you to dive in head first into a thriving life. If you take the time to get real with where you are then this book will be a stepping stone for you to achieve the life you want to live.
We must live out of a position of wholeness, the completeness of who we are as new creations in Christ. We must find the deepest fulfillment of our longings in Christ rather than always looking to others to satisfy our every need.
The authors really want you to dive in head first into a thriving life. If you take the time to get real with where you are then this book will be a stepping stone for you to achieve the life you want to live.
August 14, 2024
As with many books of this nature, it started off strong, making me feel like maybe some secret to thriving and living a fulfilling life would reveal itself as I continued to read. While there were many good and practical ideas, thoughts, and pebbles of wisdom and advice, I found the religious aspect of it, and repeated mentioning of porn addiction, a bit tiresome, as it seems most people need religion in order to live morally. As I read this book I couldn't help but think of serial killers who turn to religion after being caught, and the many ways the bible can be interpreted, and verses cherry picked and taken out of context, or used to further a specific agenda. I found some of the ideas, tools and advice in this book and additional resources at the back end of the book to be quite useful, but feel that it kind of dwindled in additional usefulness as it meandered on. Overall I felt that it was a positive book with a good message for growth and striving for a fulfilling life free of unwanted behaviors and unmet longings.
I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
July 30, 2021
Free to Thrive is the latest book by prolific author Josh McDowell and newcomer Ben Bennett. In it, they both invite the reader into their past pain and present triumph through Christ. If this book ministers to you half as much as it did to me, you’ll find it to be life changing. They show their deep and profound wisdom of the things that ensnare our spirit, and demonstrate equal wisdom regarding how to break free to into a flourishing life. Instead of focusing on how to change behavior, McDowell and Bennett focus on the advantages of a changed heart. They give practical tips to the reader to figure out our unmet longings, and how those get in the way of a thriving life. Each chapter includes reflection questions that help the reader digest the information presented. They would make great questions for a small group reading the book together as well. I urge you: read this book and prepare for changes in your life that you can’t even imagine.
January 31, 2022
I love Josh McDowell's ongoing testimony. His story of moving from atheist to ardent believer is powerful. However, this time he shares that while he was running a global ministry, he nearly burnt out because of undealt with hurt from the abuse in his past. This story is about he and his friend Ben Bennet's paths to wholeness. I love the added voice of Ben, who talks about his journey to freedom from pornography and overeating. Both men do a great job at showing how unmet longings lead to unwanted behaviors and how God brings healing as He meets those longings personally and through community.
May 11, 2022
This is the perfect combination of neuroscience, trauma informed healing, and the hope we have in Jesus to redeem and work all things together for good. I read it at a delicate time in life. After finishing it, I felt a renewed sense of God's provision over my life. It was insightful in the way I needed most and helped me to continue on in the hard work of healing and believing God will work through the struggles and pain in this life.
August 19, 2021
This book was such an eye opening read for me. It has helped me to see more clearly what God wants for me; also, it has helped me recognize when I am trying to meet an unmet longing with an unwanted behavior and unpack why. This book will be so beneficial to so many! Thank you Josh and Ben for you openness and candor!
November 15, 2021
Found this book so helpful to understand what trips me up. I have continued to think about unmet longings that effect me. Whilst I didn’t identify longings that neatly fitted into their categories, I used the idea to reflect on some issues for me. I am hoping I will see some transformation as I seek to move forward speaking truth into my life.
March 14, 2025
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Free to Thrive provides practical insights and strategies that are easy to understand and apply in real-world situations. It's a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their skills and approach to business challenges.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Free to Thrive provides practical insights and strategies that are easy to understand and apply in real-world situations. It's a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their skills and approach to business challenges.
October 18, 2021
Great book that addresses the unmet/mis-met longings that we all have. Book really hits home on the topics of unwanted behaviors and sinful behaviors/patterns one has a hard time turning from. Totally recommend this book!
September 7, 2022
We have unmet longings. We often try to fulfill them unhealthily. And this leads to shame. Which leads us to isolate ourselves which also leads to more unmet longings, like acceptance, appreciation, etc.
I hope this book changes my life. And I hope that my life then changes other’s lives.
I hope this book changes my life. And I hope that my life then changes other’s lives.
April 1, 2023
Loved this on audio. So useful and instructive that I bought a hard copy. Encouraging that no matter how long I have been a Christian, there is grace to grow and better. No remonstration or condemnation for past mistakes and failings. It's a new day and I can find new peace in the Lord.
January 19, 2026
Very good book easy to read and comprehend. Very helpful to people suffering from obvious mental health problems as well as individuals unaware of certain traits of theirs that are harmful. Highly recommend
July 19, 2022
First half of book was pretty good, somewhat helpful. The second half became very repititious.
August 17, 2021
The authors drew me in with their open sharing of the struggles they had faced. Much of what they shared I can relate to and understand. The way they blended the narrative with research and practical life application was well done and engaging. This book is a good foundational text for finding and living a faith-filled live. It is well-written, easy to read and worth the investment.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews