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The Sex Ed You Never Had

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From award-winning psychosexologist Chantelle Otten comes the well-overdue, inclusive and meticulous guide to all things sex, bodies and relationships.

For too long, talking about our anatomies and our experiences has been taboo. Normal functions have been deemed embarrassing and even shameful, impacting people's mental and physical health. In this amazing and comprehensive guide, filled with accurate facts and helpful illustrations, Chantelle refuses to leave these conversations languishing on the fringes any longer.

From breaking myths about reproductive health to exploring ideas of consent, 'The Sex Ed You Never Had' will teach everyone something, if not many things, about their body, and fun and pleasurable ways it can be used.

376 pages, Paperback

Published September 28, 2021

92 people are currently reading
1489 people want to read

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Chantelle Otten

4 books14 followers

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5 stars
194 (32%)
4 stars
249 (41%)
3 stars
132 (22%)
2 stars
18 (3%)
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3 (<1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews
Profile Image for Tayla McDonnell.
125 reviews65 followers
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January 4, 2022
Incredibly thorough and informative. I wish 15 year old me could have read and referred to this over the last decade. From puberty, to consent, to contraception to sexual identity, there is nothing Chantelle didn’t explore in this sexual education guide. She also did it in an inclusive and non judgemental way which I really respected.
Profile Image for Rachael Laing.
3 reviews1 follower
November 10, 2021
There are parts of this book that are certainly very informative, but I found the order of the chapters quite random and illogical. It felt very jumpy as I was going through each chapter, and was surprised that relationships was the final chapter, after all of the context about sexual interactions. I also found many of the recommendations lacked consideration for barriers to access - not everyone has access to therapy or a plethora of sex toys for support, so it felt like a more privileged perspective. Finally, although there was discussion of issues concerning both vulva and penis owners, this book is definitely targeted at vulva owners and those using she/her pronouns, with the author referring to the reader as ‘babe’ many times throughout the book, and the proportion of content devoted to vulva owners.

In saying all of that, I definitely learned new things in the book, and enjoyed the fresh perspective on topics that often aren’t talked about publicly, such as masturbation, sex toys, the sex menu and kink! You just don’t see these things in sex education at all, and I really appreciated the sex positive approach. The chapter on consent was also awesome!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Eva.
12 reviews2 followers
March 20, 2023
2.5 this would of been amazing if i had read it at 15 years old not 25 years old
Profile Image for Jessica.
164 reviews
October 17, 2021
We need 100 copies of this in every school library immediately. So informative, inclusive and compassionate.
Profile Image for Courtney.
952 reviews56 followers
May 12, 2022
This is an EXCELLENT resource. Even at thirty five I am constantly surprised by the things I don't know. Like this delightful little tidbit;

"The problem is that we don't know the full range of diversity when it comes to labia. That's because censorship laws in Australia don't allow us to have 'genital emphasis', and this basically means that is vulvas are ever shown, even in educational works, they have to be airbrushed."

Like. What the fuck? That's just. Wow. Anyway. This is an excellent resource. It's written in a way that would make it more accessible to a younger audience. Specifically teen girls which I think get the really short end of the stick when it comes to sex ed. So go out and buy this for all the teen girls you know!! Or teen boys. All the teens. Stock it in the school library.

I wish I had this book in my teens, or even my twenties. I'm going to keep my copy to refer back to or lend out to friends in need.
Profile Image for Bec.
1,353 reviews22 followers
August 28, 2022
“Your helpful guide on sex, sexuality and sexual health and wellness.”

This book covers the A to Z in sex, bodies and relationships. Otter covers those taboo topics that people are too uncomfortable to discuss because we are conditioned to feeling shamed and embarrassed.

I definitely picked up a thing or two and learnt things about our bodies that I didn’t know prior to reading. Thank you @emrrr for adding this to the Bookclub list, I was super excited to read this as it’s something I wouldn’t generally gravitate towards. This was definitely the conversation starter and opened my eyes to a number of things. Shamelessly if never come across Chantelle Otten but I’m so glad I have now.

This really is the book you’d want a mature teen/young adult to read when reaching that point in life when they become sexually active, there is no right and wrong, everyone is different and has their own opinions and desires and this books delicately navigates though a large number of important topics.
Profile Image for Laura.
366 reviews18 followers
September 12, 2023
Like I said in my update, I was originally going to start reading tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, but decided to pick this book up instead. It has after all being sitting on my shelf untouched for two years.

I actually really liked this book, it was easy to read and was informative. I feel like most people would benefit from reading this, as it honestly explained so much that is entirely glossed over during sex ed, or completely omitted from it.

I will say; I did not like the excessive use of the word babe, and being called a babe throughout reading it. I definitely think this could have been edited more.

:)
Profile Image for Carlyna.
3 reviews1 follower
October 8, 2021
I loved this book with my whole being. Easy to read and beautifully written with fun and helpful images. Informative and inclusive. It is like a friend talking to you all about sex in the most non-judgmental and shameless way. Covers all the important topics that include sexuality, gender, anatomy, body image, safe sex and everything in between that you need to know about sex! Finished it in just over a day as I could not put it down. Absolutely adore this book and would recommend it to everyone.
Profile Image for Mon.
387 reviews15 followers
February 15, 2022
Maybe more of a 2.5 ⭐️
I thought it was fiiiine. The order of chapters was rather odd and I found there was a lot of jumping around. I also found the writing rather ‘simple’ I’m not sure if that was the intention so it was casual and down to earth for the reader to be comfortable. In general I don’t like being referred to as baby or babe while I’m reading lol so that irritated me too
Profile Image for Nasreen.
5 reviews
February 20, 2022
This is an incredible book that I would recommend to any young or adult female looking to navigate their body, mind, sex and health. I only wish this valuable resource existed a lot sooner, but I’m so glad it’s here now ❤️
Profile Image for Nikita Laing.
77 reviews2 followers
September 2, 2022
Don't listen to the audiobook version, especially if you're a health practitioner. The constant mispronunciation of medications and medical terminology made my skin crawl.
That being said, this book was informative and full of important topics. I definitely learned some things reading this book, despite being a health professional.
However, this book lacked structure and jumped illogically from one topic to the next. It also referred to inclusivity around gender etc but constantly referred to the reader as babe and seemed to be very targeted at vulva owners.
Profile Image for Ruby Adams.
11 reviews
October 1, 2021
The way Chantelle navigated these topics with care, consideration and empathy is amazing.
Highly recommend this book for ANYONE- guys, gals, non-binary pals, people who have sex or ones that never have or never want to.
This book truely does give you sex education that you never got because it goes beyond (while still covering in perfect detail) STI's, anatomy and contraception to talk about gender identity, sexuality, and answers all the sex questions that kind of sit in the back of your head.
Cannot sing the praises of this book enough.
Profile Image for Laura.
376 reviews21 followers
February 19, 2022
For long time talking about our bodies and sex has been taboo. We are starting to see the rise of open and honest conversation around this and I’m all for it. It’s so important to understand our own bodies first and foremost, and Chantelle Otten is helping to break the stigma in her latest book - The Sex Ed You Never Had.

Normal functions have been deemed embarrassing and even shameful, impacting people's mental and physical health. In this amazing and comprehensive guide, filled with accurate facts and helpful illustrations, Chantelle refuses to leave these conversations languishing on the fringes any longer. From breaking myths about reproductive health to exploring ideas of consent, The Sex Ed You Never Had will teach everyone something, if not many things, about their body, and fun and pleasurable ways it can be used.

While it’s a book that is not necessarily aimed at the pre-pubescent adolescent (it’s a lot of words), I think it’s a phenomenal book. It gives accurate information about our bodies, as well as exploring sex, relationships and understanding consent. It’s an interesting read for anyone and I cannot recommend it enough.
Profile Image for Ella.
36 reviews
January 3, 2022
Short version:

Y’know all the stuff you already know about sex, all the stuff that you were taught in school or by your parents, or that you figured out yourself using porn, or reddit, or incognito google searches? And when you learnt about it, it was awkward and taboo, and you felt a bit guilty for doing it? This book is all of that knowledge, but without any of the shame that came with learning about it the first time. And that is a beautiful, truly freeing thing.

~

Long version:

Overall, this is a very accessible, genuinely enjoyable read that covers a broad range of sexual wellness topics, applicable to all.

The sheer breadth of issues covered does result in many of them being somewhat brushed over, feeling like they were cut short and lacking in detail, however for a book that is intended to be a general, all-around guide to sexual wellness, the choice to cover the topics in this way works effectively.

My main criticism here is that the writing - mainly in regards to syntax, and paragraph structure - isn’t particularly consistent. This seems to me like mainly a fault on the editors’ behalf. From the way she writes, I imagine Chantelle is an incredibly gifted ‘people person’, with whom having an in-person sexology consultation is probably an incredible experience; I imagine she is exceptionally good at talking with her clients. The way she transfers this into writing, however? It doesn’t read well. She uses a combination of extremely colloquial language (e.g. frequently addressing the reader as “babe”), mixed with the occasional inclusion of some rather sophisticated, big words - which are not scientific, sexology related terms, might I add - but rather, mere fancy words that have seemingly been thrown in purely for intellectual flair. The inconsistent inclusion of such language, though, makes for a jarring experience when those words do appear. The other glaring issue with the writing is in regards to its flow of ideas. Chantelle will, fairly frequently, begin a paragraph that is seemingly focused on one particular idea, get a few sentences into it, and then spontaneously change to a different idea, mid-paragraph, with no segue whatsoever. She will then proceed to start her next, completely different paragraph, by picking up again from where she left off halfway through the last paragraph? It’s pretty weird, and I’ve never really read a book before where the author has done this to the level of severity that Chantelle does. Essentially, whilst I think Chantelle is an incredible sexologist, she’s clearly not so practised of a writer, and this is something I feel that her editors should have done a more thorough job of mitigating.

Because of the somewhat juvenile feel that this book ends up possessing, as a result of its at times muddled writing and flow of ideas, I think that it would generally be best suited to a younger audience, such as younger teenagers. In saying that, though, I think that the content of this book is ideal for anyone who is in the early stages of their relationship with their sexuality and sexual wellness, irrelevant of age. I also think that even the most experienced in sexual activity can learn a thing or two from this book; the chapter on consent in particular raises discussion that I think is sorely needed right now, and insights that, despite seeming incredibly basic and self-explanatory, MANY sexually-active people apparently struggle to understand and action. I picked up this book because I was coming off the back of having put my sexual wellness on the back burner for years, due to mental health concerns, and other aspects of my life taking priority. Because of this, I came back to my sexuality feeling out of touch with my sexual self, and needed something to re-ground me back in the basics of sexual wellness, offer advice for how to deal with associated anxiety and shame, and ultimately, remind me of the beauty of sexual expression. This book has been an excellent tool in kickstarting that process for me.
Profile Image for Jordyn Harvey.
65 reviews1 follower
February 25, 2022
I discussed with a friend once the meaning of the 5-star review. She expressed to me that she decides on a 5 star rating when the book is exemplar of its genre or field.

Whilst I have my own medical background and a specific interest in the subject matter (meaning that the majority of information in the book was not new to me), I think it is an absolutely excellent compendium of approachable, educational and equitable sex education. Information is put forth that is firmly evidence-based where possible (sadly the research on sex is limited) and otherwise well considered. No judgments are made on particular preference. Otten has a friendly and warm voice - literally, I listened to the audiobook - and there is no judgmental tone or sex-negative beliefs held.

I already follow @chantelle_otten_sexologist on Instagram and suspected it would be good, but
I adored some of the topics she chose to include. For example, puberty, pronoun use, gender reassignment surgery, what constitutes a healthy relationship, approaches to dating, ways to ask for consent, non-hormonal birth control, STIs, kink, lube, the list goes on. Essential reading for anyone going through puberty, a sexual awakening, or a realisation that they didn’t receive enough (or any) comprehensive sex education.

Profile Image for Rani.
72 reviews
June 22, 2025
💋 The Sex Ed You Never Had by Chantelle Otten

Vibe: Empowering, shame-free, pleasure-positive education with big bestie energy

This book is basically your permission slip to unlearn the shame, awkwardness, and misinformation that came with whatever sad excuse for sex ed you got in high school. Chantelle Otten — clinical sexologist, total queen — serves up science, sensitivity, and sass in equal measure.

It covers everything: anatomy (real talk, not the diagram-your-PE-teacher-skipped kind), pleasure, consent, masturbation, sex after trauma, queer sex, body image, kink, relationships, communication — the whole damn thing, with warmth and without judgment.

What makes it so powerful is how she centres curiosity, self-acceptance, and actual joy. It’s not “how to do sex right,” it’s “how to know yourself and do what feels good and true for you.”

⭐️ Read if you want: sex ed that doesn’t make you cringe, answers to the questions you were too embarrassed to ask, and full-body empowerment from the inside out.
Profile Image for Georgia.
354 reviews3 followers
December 14, 2023
Chantelle Otten is a sexologist who has her own fan base on socials for her work, and is also sometimes also known as her partner is Dylan Alcott who is a former professional wheelchair tennis player and former Australian of the Year 2022. Otten covers all number of topics as best she can! She does acknowledge in the introductions that when referring to s*x she’s referring to PIV and refers to binary terms of gender but does have a whole chapter on sexuality which includes discussing a bit about the LGBTQIA+ communities, talks in-depth about intersex and different forms of s*x which can also be considered for different disabilities without explicitly stating how and what but rather leaving it open to preference of the reader to explore in their own time. Otten gives an explanation about anatomy’s, dating, CONSENT, and a variety of other topics! So if you’re looking for a slightly more mature one stop shop - start here!
Profile Image for Becca Fitzpatrick (bookscandlescats).
437 reviews28 followers
October 11, 2021
This isn't my usual type of book, but it was sent to me by the publisher, so I decided I'd give it a go.

It's an extremely informative book. If you've got a question about ANYTHING related to gender, sexual anatomy or sex in general, I can guarantee this book has you covered.

This book contains a whole bunch of information that NEEDS to be taught in high schools. Young adults need to know this stuff, because sooner or later it'll be pushed on them with the expectation that they already know the answers.

There are quite a few segments in this book that I would have found extremely helpful growing up.

I definitely recommend this one, if not for a great read, to quiz yourself and see how much you actually know!

Thank you to Allen and Unwin for sending a copy of this one my way.
Profile Image for birdy.
15 reviews
December 21, 2022
Whilst I can appreciate the level of detail and focus on offering a thorough introduction to sex education, I found the trans and intersex content to read as an afterthought, and very poorly written.

For example, if you're going to talk about 'people with vaginas etc.' And then reference the socialisation of women... are you not then just talking about women? This language then becomes harmful.

There are plenty of queer sex ed books that do inclusive sex ed way better, that are written with queer audiences in mind from beginning to end.
49 reviews1 follower
March 15, 2022
If only every teen in high school was able to access a book like this or education like this.. Chantelle is an incredible sexologist and her book is a reflection of that. She covers so many super important topics that so many people are so afraid to discuss. Overall a really enjoyable, entertaining and educational book.
Profile Image for Corinna.
21 reviews11 followers
March 31, 2022
I find non-fiction challenging to read so it was an effort to get through this book, but it’s comprehensive and informative without being overwhelming which is fantastic - I’m sure I would have been more captured by the book if I’d read it in my late teen years. Definitely more than I ever learnt in sex-ed (did we even have a sex-ed class at school?), that’s for sure!
Profile Image for Sophie.
294 reviews
July 1, 2022
I’m a big fan of Chantelle’s, and think this book is appropriately broad and up-to-date. The text is very plain English and there were a few things I would have phrased differently or unpacked more. There’s a bit of repetition that I think another editor would’ve been more ruthless with. I’m pretty well versed in these topics, but did learn a few new fun facts about penises!
Profile Image for Kmarty.
1 review
November 30, 2022
This should be a mandatory read in all schools and would benefit people of all ages looking over to squash stigmas surrounding sex, pleasure and sexpectations. However needed some serious editing imo. Lots of repetition, waffle and I can do without being patronisingly called "babe" at the end of every sentence. Also the constant use of "cooch" just added to the cringe factor.
Profile Image for Stephanie Sinclair.
142 reviews1 follower
February 20, 2025
A spectacular and educational read - Chantelle gives a great overview of quite literally everything sex. She’s unbiased, nonjudgmental and the writing provides a great prompting about how we treat ourselves and others, while also letting us know that sex doesn’t have to be stigmatised, it doesn’t have to be scary, and we can talk about it if and when we want to.
276 reviews1 follower
November 16, 2021
I cannot think of anyone who would not benefit from reading this book. Non judgemental, non-biased, accepting and open to all kinds of people - even ones which may not think they need to know this. This is good for everyone- my teenage kids will be getting copies soon enough.
Profile Image for Farrells Bookshop.
941 reviews50 followers
March 28, 2022
'A shame-free, to-the-point and inclusive resource for everyone and anyone who wants to better understand their body, sexual health, gender identity and so much more! It's a quick read with helpful diagrams to match.'

Read by Celeste and Sage
Profile Image for Marlee Grace.
152 reviews2 followers
September 26, 2022
An absolute must read! Everything taboo explained in an empowering, shame free way. I wish I could have read this in my late teens, but better late than never!

Love Chantelle Otten too. She is such an inspiring Melbourne woman :)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 64 reviews

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