compliments to the author, because it takes extreme talent to incorporate soccer, dancing, baking, business owning, and school committees into your book without doing research on a single one of those topics.
this book was not the most egregious thing i've ever read in my life, but i have read some pretty terrible shit, so. that's not saying much. where do i begin?
1. the characters are awful
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theo
is a grade A douchebag for most of the book. being in his perspective was terrible - his hatred for everyone and everything was often unjustified and completely un-endearing. it was especially unfair how aggressively he hated gabi for, like, existing while being bad at soccer. also every conversation with his ~awful~ parents basically went like:
someone: hi theo
theo: ugh *eyeroll* whatever
someone: you're so disrespectful!
theo: GOD you guys just hate me because i'm not my brother! i'm not perfect okay! you expect too much from me!
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gabi
is such a fucking doormat. i get it, you're shy, you're scared. i Get It. but the level of self hatred and self blame gabi had even in situations where the other person was clearly in the wrong was exhausting. and i didn't understand what he could possibly see in theo, considering how shitty he was to him for so long in the beginning of the book (and for years before that, we're told.) one sided enemies to lovers is not cute, it's just bullying, ya know?
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meli
, gabi's best friend, is just an asshole. she only exists to scream at gabi over a project she supposedly doesn't actually care about, offer absolutely no moral support about anything ever, and then half ass an apology at the end, because that makes everything better.
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the parents
... you could basically replace theo and gabi's parents with stick figures and get the same effect. they do nothing for their supposedly dying businesses, nothing for their kids, and nothing for the plot besides yell at their (admittedly annoying, at least it theo's case) kids for being teenagers, and hate each other. like. y'all are small local businesses offering completely different products, why do you hate each other...? and each others' kids? never mind the racist comments they made about the other that went 100% unaddressed.
-
justin
, theo's best friend, i didn't actually think was that bad, but it felt like the author wanted to make him a little more complex than a side character, and then forgot to follow through, so any time worrying about him felt wasted.
2. the plot is weak as fuck, and riddled with plot holes
- the premise of the story is that gabi and theo's parents' businesses are dying out because of a new fusion cafe that offers a sort of merger of their two cultures - gabi's being a caribbean bakery/cafe and theo's being an asian one. in addition, theo's parents are facing pressure from his shitty uncle, who is an insanely one dimensional villain who owns both the shop and the apartments above it in which theo's family lives. meanwhile, gabi's parents received an offer to sell that they think is too good to pass up.
to combat this, theo and gabi decide to make extra money on the side to give to their parents so their businesses won't go under. thus begins an insane amount of plot holes that no amount of suspended disbelief could patch up.
plot hole A:
the boys sell things at school (which is apparently illegal) by creating a website from scratch, overnight, and pulling people from class on "homecoming business", which the teachers all accept without a literal lick of suspicion. apparently they are also never needed in class, since they seem to spend nearly all day every day delivering food?
plot hole B:
they also make and store the food at school, which no one notices until one day they do, because apparently if a teacher is not in a classroom, no other faculty or personnel ever walks by and sees or smells anything???
plot hole C:
the parents have no suspicions about how they are coming into extra cash. they believe the boys are running "deliveries" - even though the concept of them working together implies fusing their businesses, which they are strictly against, and they have no online/mobile business model that supports deliveries - and yet they think nothing of the fact that none of their usual stock is missing to supply these deliveries. (this is in fact because the boys are making up their own shit, which the parents never clue in on, until surprise, apparently they do.)
plot hole D:
this all started because of a fusion bakery, but after one scene where the boys (separately) scope out the competition, it is literally never seen or heard from again. somehow by the time corny, disney-style ending rolls around (more on that later), the fusion cafe doesn't even need mentioning. it's like the problem never existed in the first place.
plot hole E:
at the end of the book, theo's parents decide to stick it to the uncle and tell him the shop is his problem, but he is literally their landlord, so couldn't he just evict them...? and then where would they be?
there's probably more that i'm forgetting, but let's move on.
3. the author knew nothing about what e was putting in eir story, and it showed
a. the story involves two bakeries,
and yet we see no baking.we are told about baking several times, but we are given literally zero specifics about how anything is made. we are given a few names of pastries and drinks, and the rest of the time, it's generally just referred to as "orders."
b. the boys play soccer.
gabi is painfully, unrealistically bad at it, but still, they both technically play soccer. we see multiple practices - including one on one sessions with the boys - and a game, and yet almost no soccer is explicitly shown, ever. the most we see is gabi trying (and usually failing) to kick a ball. that's it. the literal first thing you learn at six years old or whenever you pick up the sport, and apparently the only thing the author thinks soccer entails.
c. gabi (and later theo) dance,
but we see no routine. not even, like, a pirouette or something. i think maybe there's a reference to a plié, but that's all. we're just told a bunch of mumbo jumbo about the ~themes~ of the pieces, and we are told about a few practice sessions. the end.
d. the parents own businesses.
that is a thing that the story relies on. and yet, aside from theo counting money at the end of the night one time, and being told the parents are at the shop, nothing about running the business is ever shown, or even really touched upon. finances are referenced but never really delved into. neither family seems to have any employees outside of their children, who are at school and extracurricular too much to really be helpful in any way. gabi's parents postpone selling the store for an entire month because apparently business agreements don't mean anything. the shops are just completely lifeless, like a 2D background of a cartoon, so it made it difficult to care about them at all.
e. homecoming and homecoming committee.
once again, we are told a lot about the committee. we are told that there are meetings, that meli is screaming about having "so much to do" before the dance, and that there are a few specific roles that people are assigned. but nothing more. i have no idea how many people are on the committee outside of gabi, meli, and one other named character. i have no idea what the point of the meetings were, other than to showcase meli being a dictating asshole. and when it came time for the dance, the committee apparently had nothing to do, because we don't see a single thing about getting the dance set up. in fact, we barely see the dance at all. the boys show up, dance for 2 seconds, and dip. within two paragraphs the dance is over. like, what?
4. everything was so cheesy
guess what, the bad people aren't so bad after all! except the uncle, who is allowed to remain the sole one-dimensional villain. everyone else sees the error of their ways and apologizes. the boys get together despite little to no chemistry. gabi overcomes his fear of being outed by outing himself to the entire school in one fell swoop, to literal applause. the shops get saved by - who could have guessed? - the parents realizing they are more than their differences, and deciding to merge into one collective bakery. how will this combat the competition of the fusion bakery, since all they did was effectively copy them? we don't know. we don't care! everything is hunky dory in disneyland. any nuance we possibly could have incorporated into the story is either negated by the character swinging aggressively in the other direction, or by beating the reader over the goddamn head with it.
and maybe this wouldn't have been the worst ending in the world if it didn't come with everything else on top of it all, but as it stands, it was just bland icing on the world's lamest, cheapest cake.