Ask Me About My Divorce: Women Open Up About Moving On

by Candace Walsh (Editor)

It’s time to get past the idea that divorce equals failure. Sure, it may not be what you had in mind when you walked down the aisle, but if it’s the escape hatch into a better life, it should be filled with more promise. It can be celebrated.  Ask Me About My Divorce is a spicy, fun, riveting collection of essays by women from all walks of life. With the unifying thread "I got divorced, and the world came into view," the words within will make readers laugh, cry, nod their heads, and feel inspired to do what they need to for themselves. These aren't stories from women tiptoeing around a difficult subject—they're about the ways divorce can be, in fact, a new lease on life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Relationships, Divorce, Feminism, Memoir

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Candace Walsh is the author of Licking the Spoon: A Memoir of Food, Family, and Identity (Seal Press, 2012). She is also the editor of two anthologies, Dear John, I Love Jane; and Ask Me About My Divorce, both by Seal Press. She writes the Good Taste column at AfterEllen.com, and is the managing editor at New Mexico Magazine. She was the features editor at Mothering Magazine for 6 years. She lives with her family in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Reviews

[Samantha Waltz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ask Me About My Divorce is a rare find. Authors of stories in this anthology don't focus on the pain and grind of their divorces, although of course there is a bit of that along with their pain. Rather, they focus on the richness of the lives they created through the process and after. It is a wonderful gift for anyone coming out of a divorce and moving on.

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST READ if you are going through it. Two and a half years out, I'm still not sure I could do it again, but I'm much closer to myself than I was.

[Asher · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's hard to find a good book about experiences with divorce. I very much enjoyed this book. It encompassed many different women's experiences, and included both straight and queer women. I found myself reflected more than once.

[Karah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fresh, accessible writing with tons of clarity. I appreciate how each woman achieved self-awareness. None of these women dissolved self-responsibility in how their marriages collapsed.

I rooted for each woman.

I hope they're still thriving.

[Carolyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Ask me about my divorce. You wanted to know about my college graduation, my first job, by new apartment, my engagement, my wedding, my honeymoon, my baby's birth. All rites of passage, all changes, all evidence of growth. As is this. And, maybe it's not the best moment, but, make space for the possibility that I have some cool things to share. Becuase it's been a wild ride, and I am learning new things every day." - Candace Walsh
"When you're in an eighteen-year relationship, you get used to saying 'we' when talking about your life and future - 'We'll go backpacking in Laos,' 'We'll move to Brooklyn and watch our child grow,' 'When we're old and wrinkled, we'll take walks, hand in hand.' It never occurs, even in nightmares, that mental illness might make you conjugate verbs differently: 'I'll tuck my daughter in,' or 'I'm eating dinner alone.'" - Sue Sanders
"Marriage is a beautiful thing, when it works and when it doesn't. When it works, it's made up of two people who love each other, sharing life's best and worst moments, fostering each other's growth, and having really great sex. When it doesn't, it was made up of two people who loved each other, shared life's best and worst moments, fostered each other's growth, and most likely had really great sex. So, instead of sitting with the last incarnation of it, which led to a split, I like to appreciate and be grateful for the whole, which gave me so much." - Candace Walsh
"Year seven, my fortieth birthday: I flew back home to San Francisco after a celebratory spa weekend with the girls. Upon reaching home, I threw open the apartment door, excited to tell Raj about the new seaweed therapy that had infused my skin and soothed my soul. But I was greeted with nothing.... What did Raj leave me? A note on the bedside table. 'You are a special person, so if life really does begin at forty, then it's time I set you free. I'm gay, I'm coming out of the closet and leaving you to settle down with the love of my life. Happy 40th birthday!'" - R. M. Hora
"The kid was just a few years old by the time we finally got around to making our loveless nonrelationship legal, but we didn't bring her to the divorce, because it would've just seemed sadder. The room was empty but for me, the Hippie, the judge, and the bailiff. We read our divorce vows to each other and then the judge asked, 'Is there anything else?' I told him I wouldn't really feel like the marriage had been spiritually undone without the seven-foot-tall Elvis who'd married us there to sing 'Love Me Tender,' but replacing the word 'love' with 'divorce.' The bailiff snorted into his coffee.... Walking out of the courtroom, just two single folks headed to the record store, it occurred to me how unceremonious getting married and divorced can be. It had taken the Hippie and I just over one hour, total." - Kate McDade
"I'm fairly certain that if I do end up with the divorce trifecta, no one will want to be me when they grow up. Which is a damn shame. Because if I'm happy, that's the kind of fairytale everyone should dream of." - Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant
"The big test, though, was what would happen when Jeff met my daughter. I wasn't nervous. I had no doubt that they would get along, but I was scared that they would, and then the relationship would end and someone else would vanish from my daughter's life. Their meeting: a gold seal indicating that our relationship was Official and Real. I was scared of hypothetical loss - if it ended, what might happen to her? To me? Part of me wanted to stay withour gals-in-Brooklyn existence, a land without men, a magical place where we couldn't get hurt." Sue Sanders
"In sending me these lines, Claire, an infinitely more eloquent romantic than I, understood that her discovery was more providential than lucky. She wrote, 'I did find you. But you wanted to be found, even if it was just for the span of one day... and you are still wanting to be found, and I am still finding you, more and more, every time we connect. And you are finding me.'" - Laura Andre
"We laugh and explain that chickens make baby chickens, and humans make baby humans. Secundo looks at me. 'Before I was born, mumma,' he says, 'you carried me in your univers?' We laugh again. 'I carried you in my uterus,' I say, sobered at the aptness of his words. I do carry them in my universe. Wherever I go, they are with me, they are part of me. They formed inside me, from my genetic material. I birthed them, nursed them, and gave myself to them. I love them and care for them so selflessly that I am ready to let them go - that I have let them go - into their own lives. And in so doing, I come more fully into my own life, into my own universe, which I have only just started to explore." - Kathleen Weibe

[Jen Dent · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kind of a breath of fresh air. Having just finalized a divorce one can often feel like they've just contracted social leprosy. The subject makes many wildly uncomfortable, immediately responding with the kind of words usually reserved for deaths in the family. Or sheer avoidance of the subject (or persons involved) can make one feel plenty isolated.

Having some variety and positivity throughout these stories, as well as acknowledging the good that can come out of change made this a real help. I ate this up in about a night. A lot of great humor, big feelings and a fantastic age range shows this is a part of living.

[Stephanie Starbright · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting collection of marriage/divorce/and the road ahead stories from women of various different regions, backgrounds, orientations, and religions. Each one is unique and so the various stories in the collection will likely appeal in different ways to different personality types. Whether you or someone you know is personally going through a divorce or not, it's interesting to see the way different lives play out and where people find their inner strength even when happily doesn't live ever after exactly the way they thought it would.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lately I have been into personal essays and this book did not disappoint. I found each essay to be well-written, engaging and relatable-- and I've never been married, so obviously no divorce. But the stories were about more than divorce. They were tales of women who empowered themselves and said yes to new possibilities and second chances, despite the pain and anxiety that often accompanied their decisions. These are stories of the power of change and what can happen when you face life's messiness.

[Elisabeth Kinsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for anyone going through divorce or who have triumphed over tragedy in relationships. It contains stories of strength, weakness, abject sadness and total empowerment. You'll be enthralled! Also, kind of like Eat, Love, Pray, in that they're engaging and full of the human struggle. Pre order it now: http://www.amazon.com/Ask-Me-About-My...
(I've written one of the stories!!!)

[DelGal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great book filled with stories of the adventures and sometimes misadventures of newly divorced women. I found the difference in the reactions to divorce to be refreshing and I appreciated the life lesson on a personal level.

This book was well organized and had plenty of examples of women living life fully despite their devastating divorces.

[Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was blog surfing and one of the ones I started reading is a contributor to this book. Its an okay read, a lot of female empowerment going on.

This zig zigler quote I found sums up the feelings I am getting from this book "What you get by achieving your goal is not as important as what you become by achieving your goal."

[Laurel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very helpful for thinking about moving on and empowering myself. I got kind of tired of the lesbian/gay stories, and some of the stories are kind of the same, but in general it was definitely worth the read.

[K Kelley · Rating 2 out of 5]

Only ok; I was hoping it would be funnier. I could relate to some parts and bits and pieces of some stories, but it was too high on the # of authors who got divorced and then became lesbians. For real?

[Jake · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful insightful collection of essays by my friend and former colleague, Can get you through a hard time, have more confidence in your decision, and feel connected to a community of women who have come out the other side of divorce just fine.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most helpful books for me as I am going through divorce. I just wish there were several other volumes. Reading about other women's' experiences and lives sure makes me feel like I am going to make it. If they can do then so can I.

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting. There were only a few essays I skimmed over.

[Summer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Uplifiting, inspiring, and empowering. A great read, even if you aren't divorced or heading there. Great commentary on the ending of any relationship and how women find ways to move forward.

[Sae · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sort of "Sex and the City" meets divorce short stories. Would be great for a friend going through a divorce who had kids. Still a good read.

[Tori · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very good mix of different ages, length of marriage, situations, etc.

[Chere J · Rating 3 out of 5]

their were some very interesting stories in this book. Some funny and some sad. A few that inspired me.

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a wonderful collection of essays. I can't wait to give it to my sister for her birthday, I think it will be so encouraging for her as she moves on with her life post-divorce!

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great stories, positive, optimistic.

[Lev · Rating 1 out of 5]

trying trying trying to keep reading this one...

[Sheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

BEST BOOK EVER!

[Elaine]

This is probably a great book if you are 35, or 45. Unfortunately, most of the stories are written by writers about their own poor selection of their mates which ended up in happy stories as they moved onto relationship #2.