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Stiprios motinos – stiprūs sūnūs: pamokos motinoms, norinčioms užauginti mylinčius ir tvirtus vyrus
Kai mama pirmąkart ant rankų paima naujagimį sūnų, vaiko akys jai sako: visas pasaulis – tai tu. Bet augančio berniuko poreikiai keičiasi, greitai jam nebereikia nuolatinio mamos buvimo šalia. Daktarė Meg Meeker – populiari JAV pranešėja, klinikinės medicinos docentė, 30 metų dirbanti pediatrijos srityje, ir 4 vaikų mama – dalijasi paslaptimis, kaip bet kuriai motinai sustiprinti – o gal atkurti? – ryšį su sūnumi. Ši įkvepianti knyga – tai žemėlapis, padedantis nepasiklysti ir rasti stiprybės auginant sūnų, kad jis taptų išmintingu, mylinčiu ir sėkmės lydimu vyru. Knyga atkreipia dėmesį į šiuos esminius dalykus:
• mamos pasitikėjimo savimi svarbą tvirtai ir teisingai nukreipiant augantį berniuką,
• motiniškos meilės išraiškos būdus, kurie bręstantį sūnų išmokytų gerbti ir vertinti moteris,
• darbštumo, bendravimo įgūdžių ir rūpinimosi vidiniu gyvenimu reikšmę,
• moters poreikį išsigydyti asmenines žaizdas, susijusias su kitais vyrais, – tik tada įmanoma auginti sūnų be praeityje susikurtų ribų,
• kaip motinai išgyventi tas sunkias akimirkas, kai jos žodžiai ar veiksmai tik dar pablogina padėtį.
• mamos pasitikėjimo savimi svarbą tvirtai ir teisingai nukreipiant augantį berniuką,
• motiniškos meilės išraiškos būdus, kurie bręstantį sūnų išmokytų gerbti ir vertinti moteris,
• darbštumo, bendravimo įgūdžių ir rūpinimosi vidiniu gyvenimu reikšmę,
• moters poreikį išsigydyti asmenines žaizdas, susijusias su kitais vyrais, – tik tada įmanoma auginti sūnų be praeityje susikurtų ribų,
• kaip motinai išgyventi tas sunkias akimirkas, kai jos žodžiai ar veiksmai tik dar pablogina padėtį.
352 pages
First published January 1, 2014
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8162 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 353 reviews
March 12, 2019
ETA: I WILL delete comments preaching at me or attacking me as a mother. Most of the comments below are well-reasoned and wonderful. But if you came here to force your religion on me, force your fear of sex down my throat, or shame me as a mother, I will delete your ignorant comments and block you. This is a book review site. Keep your drama for Facebook.
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I was so excited about this book. And the more I read...the less excited I became. Ultimately, halfway through, I decided to put the book down and move on for some very specific reasons.
Meeker seems to think that men and women are fundamentally different. That there are certain universal truths about men and women that just don't hold up when you take a global perspective. If men really were hardwired to compete with all other men and if men were honestly unable to teach themselves emotional literacy without the help of women (yes, she asserts both of these things with alarming frequency) then there are certain stages of cultural development in many places that simply would not have existed. Not to mention that there are men now, in America, who grow up without a primary female caregiver and, according to Meeker, should have no chance at learning emotional literacy. I'm sure they would disagree.
Meeker also spends an entire chapter on the way that a mother can teach her son about God. Yes, that's God with a big G. I was unaware that I was reading a religious parenting book. I should have guessed with the way the author frequently references pastors, treats all pornography use as inherently bad and "an addiction", and the way she makes men and women out to be such vastly different creatures that it's a shock women can relate to their sons at all!
The final straw was Meeker's insistence that a son "wants - and needs - to see his father as stronger because that's his role model for his own impending adulthood. He doesn't want to think of his mother as stronger, because this threatens his masculinity" (From the chapter "Give Him an Ax"). If your son's masculinity is threatened because he sees a woman being as strong as he is, you have raised a man who belittles women. Including you. I don't think any mother wants that.
I bookmarked a lot of pages to quote on here, including her insistence that teens don't "manipulate intentionally" but that they say mean things to their mothers knowing that it will get their mother to change rules the teen doesn't like.... That's intentional manipulation! It might not be malicious, but it is certainly intentional. Or the chapter where she says that teens who play violent video games are more likely to act out violence in their adult years, which multiple studies have disproven. Or the part where she says that children who grow up without loving mothers are far more likely to commit acts of mass violence than children who have loving mothers. She admits it's an extreme scenario, but one sentence does not erase a paragraph of depicting all male foster children as mass murderers waiting to happen.
But after writing this far in the review, I think I've made my case. Meeker presents stereotypes - many of them harmful to all genders - as if they are the reality of human families. She never addresses how parents need to work together (when there are more than one) to help their children, and her views are based on a very Christian platform that does not hold up under psychological studies or common sense. And she seems to think that each family relationship is insular and dictated by what genitalia is in our pants.
I'm too invested in raising a thoughtful, kind, and connected child to waste my time with a book written by a woman who clearly states, repeatedly, that I will never be able to understand him because he's a boy and I'm a girl.
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I was so excited about this book. And the more I read...the less excited I became. Ultimately, halfway through, I decided to put the book down and move on for some very specific reasons.
Meeker seems to think that men and women are fundamentally different. That there are certain universal truths about men and women that just don't hold up when you take a global perspective. If men really were hardwired to compete with all other men and if men were honestly unable to teach themselves emotional literacy without the help of women (yes, she asserts both of these things with alarming frequency) then there are certain stages of cultural development in many places that simply would not have existed. Not to mention that there are men now, in America, who grow up without a primary female caregiver and, according to Meeker, should have no chance at learning emotional literacy. I'm sure they would disagree.
Meeker also spends an entire chapter on the way that a mother can teach her son about God. Yes, that's God with a big G. I was unaware that I was reading a religious parenting book. I should have guessed with the way the author frequently references pastors, treats all pornography use as inherently bad and "an addiction", and the way she makes men and women out to be such vastly different creatures that it's a shock women can relate to their sons at all!
The final straw was Meeker's insistence that a son "wants - and needs - to see his father as stronger because that's his role model for his own impending adulthood. He doesn't want to think of his mother as stronger, because this threatens his masculinity" (From the chapter "Give Him an Ax"). If your son's masculinity is threatened because he sees a woman being as strong as he is, you have raised a man who belittles women. Including you. I don't think any mother wants that.
I bookmarked a lot of pages to quote on here, including her insistence that teens don't "manipulate intentionally" but that they say mean things to their mothers knowing that it will get their mother to change rules the teen doesn't like.... That's intentional manipulation! It might not be malicious, but it is certainly intentional. Or the chapter where she says that teens who play violent video games are more likely to act out violence in their adult years, which multiple studies have disproven. Or the part where she says that children who grow up without loving mothers are far more likely to commit acts of mass violence than children who have loving mothers. She admits it's an extreme scenario, but one sentence does not erase a paragraph of depicting all male foster children as mass murderers waiting to happen.
But after writing this far in the review, I think I've made my case. Meeker presents stereotypes - many of them harmful to all genders - as if they are the reality of human families. She never addresses how parents need to work together (when there are more than one) to help their children, and her views are based on a very Christian platform that does not hold up under psychological studies or common sense. And she seems to think that each family relationship is insular and dictated by what genitalia is in our pants.
I'm too invested in raising a thoughtful, kind, and connected child to waste my time with a book written by a woman who clearly states, repeatedly, that I will never be able to understand him because he's a boy and I'm a girl.
June 18, 2017
It was so heavy handed with stereotype and crap about how men can't communicate with their mothers through words or physical affection. What? Maybe in your gender binary religious world, but not in my open-minded one. I couldn't listen to any more of the condescending treatment of young men.
November 4, 2015
This book had some great lessons and I hope I remember them all in the coming years.
Here are the reasons it didn't get 5 stars:
-It's very long, making it hard to remember the first lesson by the time you finish it. I wish there was a master list of the lessons that was repeated a few times so I could remember them all. I did listen to the audiobook, so maybe if I had actually read it I would have been able to reference the chapter list.
-The author's beliefs about religion are mentioned a lot and I don't think it's fair to say a strong mother has to believe in the same things the author believes in.
-In some cases, I thought extra words were being added just to make the book longer. I would have preferred more concise lessons with powerful examples and less filler.
Here are the reasons it didn't get 5 stars:
-It's very long, making it hard to remember the first lesson by the time you finish it. I wish there was a master list of the lessons that was repeated a few times so I could remember them all. I did listen to the audiobook, so maybe if I had actually read it I would have been able to reference the chapter list.
-The author's beliefs about religion are mentioned a lot and I don't think it's fair to say a strong mother has to believe in the same things the author believes in.
-In some cases, I thought extra words were being added just to make the book longer. I would have preferred more concise lessons with powerful examples and less filler.
August 31, 2016
So much good information in this book. I took a lot of notes. I loved how it all came together at the end that we are raising our little boys to become great men.
"Something quite mysterious happens when a mother lets go of her little boy. She gets back a man - not just any man but one who shares her values, knows her flaws, accepts her weaknesses, and cares for her in a way that no other man can. He is her son and she is his mom. And that is about as good as life gets."
"Something quite mysterious happens when a mother lets go of her little boy. She gets back a man - not just any man but one who shares her values, knows her flaws, accepts her weaknesses, and cares for her in a way that no other man can. He is her son and she is his mom. And that is about as good as life gets."
January 29, 2021
3.7 bintang. Hari tu saya ada mengulas buku Strong Fathers Strong Daughters, dan dalam buku kali ni, kontennya sangat berbeza. Buku ni merangkumi 10 buah bab (rujuk gambar ke 2 & 3). Dr Meeker sasarkan buku ni kepada 2 golongan, iaitu para ibu yang menyayangi anak, tetapi tak tahu bagaimana hendak menjadi seorang ibu yang baik, dan seorang anak lelaki yang mengalami sedikit tekanan kerana ingin menjadi anak yang terbaik buat ibunya.
💭 Kedua-dua pihak, ibu dan anak lelaki, masing-masing mengalami tekanan yang tinggi. Saling sukar memahami dan menerima perbezaan satu sama lain. Dan bila baca buku ni, banyak kotak dalam minda saya terbuka dan pandangan saya lebih jauh dah luas dalam menangani "isu anak lelaki". Ianya turut mempersiapkan saya bagi mengelakkan rasa sedih akibat perpisahan yang bakal berlaku apabila anak lelaki saya dewasa kelak 😢
💭 Bagi pendapat saya, buku ni mencapai objektif yang hendak disampaikan dan ianya berkait rapat dengan cara saya sendiri membesarkan dan mendidik anak lelaki saya. Ada juga bahagian yang lucu sebab perkara itu sedang saya alami, iaitu "mengasuh bayi lelaki dewasa" 🤣 haa. yang tu korang kena tonton video ulasan saya nanti di youtube. Banyak poin menarik dalam buku ni. Ada juga yang saya tak setuju. Korang kena tengok saya "bergaduh" dengan penulis ni 🤣 568 mukasurat ni bagi saya agak panjang. Boleh dimampatkan pada pendapat saya. Rasanya saya ambik masa 8-9 hari bagi menghabiskannya. Tapi berbaloi!
❤️ Major love to @cazaazmy @bukupts for sending me this review copy! You can get them through major bookstores or their website.
💭 Kedua-dua pihak, ibu dan anak lelaki, masing-masing mengalami tekanan yang tinggi. Saling sukar memahami dan menerima perbezaan satu sama lain. Dan bila baca buku ni, banyak kotak dalam minda saya terbuka dan pandangan saya lebih jauh dah luas dalam menangani "isu anak lelaki". Ianya turut mempersiapkan saya bagi mengelakkan rasa sedih akibat perpisahan yang bakal berlaku apabila anak lelaki saya dewasa kelak 😢
💭 Bagi pendapat saya, buku ni mencapai objektif yang hendak disampaikan dan ianya berkait rapat dengan cara saya sendiri membesarkan dan mendidik anak lelaki saya. Ada juga bahagian yang lucu sebab perkara itu sedang saya alami, iaitu "mengasuh bayi lelaki dewasa" 🤣 haa. yang tu korang kena tonton video ulasan saya nanti di youtube. Banyak poin menarik dalam buku ni. Ada juga yang saya tak setuju. Korang kena tengok saya "bergaduh" dengan penulis ni 🤣 568 mukasurat ni bagi saya agak panjang. Boleh dimampatkan pada pendapat saya. Rasanya saya ambik masa 8-9 hari bagi menghabiskannya. Tapi berbaloi!
❤️ Major love to @cazaazmy @bukupts for sending me this review copy! You can get them through major bookstores or their website.
May 12, 2018
Having not read this kind of book in quite a while, I remember why I stopped picking them up. Barf. So many issues! Put down the book and blindly love your sons, moms. Unconditionally. Give them boundaries, teach them emotions are okay and normal- and even their fathers have emotions! TALK to them. They will be okay. Good grief.
July 3, 2017
Wow is the author extremely judgmental. I couldn't even make it through the end. I learned nothing about bettering myself or my relationship with my kids. She seems to offer extreme solutions without the means of getting there.
April 21, 2018
Some reviews are easy to write and some are hard. To be honest, this is one of the easier ones. I read this book on the recommendation of a friend. It really resonated with her, and as she and I have many similarities, she thought it would really resonate with me.
First, the good. 1. Dr. Meeker advocates balance. As sons grow, their abilities and responsibilities grow. It is important to neither over or under estimate their abilities. 2. Meeker reminds mothers that they are not responsible for their son’s choices. As boys grown into men, they take responsibility for themselves. 3. Moms need to get off “the crazy train” of constantly doing things for their children. Boys need to find their own interests. 4. Age appropriate chores are good. Give your son space to grow within his experiences. 5. The way that you deal with sex and sharing information about intimacy has far reaching effects on your son.
Second, the bad. 1. Meeker tells this story with a myriad of real life examples from her medical practice. Most of these examples seemed to be stories where the mother (or the son) experienced extreme trauma. Stories of childhood rape, traumatic divorce, and more. Meeker gave very few examples of positive family role models inside traditional homes and happy families. All the sons interviewed about their wonderful mothers talked about how terrible it was when dad died/left and they were forced to raise their sons alone. 2. Meeker assumes that dads aren’t involved. She dedicated a whole chapter to how to get your child’s father to be more involved. I don’t think this is a reasonable assumption. Yes, many dads are involved, and yes, the stereotype is an uninvolved dad. But their are also many wonderful fathers who want to be involved in their sons’ lives. 3. Meeker off-handedly mentions that children who spend more than 30 hours in daycare are not as emotionally stable as children who spend more time at home. Honestly, what is the point of this? So stay-at-home moms can pat themselves on the back? How does this jive with all the wonderful mothers who were never at home since they had to work 2 jobs to put food on the table? It seems like an unnecessary detail that simply makes people feel bad for choices that they have made. Especially if being a working mother is a necessity. This really continues on into 4. Meeker has a generally sexist tone about mothers and fathers, who is the primary breadwinner. She holds up the traditional family home as the expectation and the ideal. I really struggled with her tone. I am a working mother. My son spends between 45 and 50 hours per week in daycare. I don’t really have a choice in this. Meeker’s implicit bias really bothered me. 5. Meeker states that women are the main emotional teachers in the home. This is almost laughable to me as my husband is much more emotionally literate than I am. She is so biased against men! Just because I am a woman doesn’t mean I am good with emotions. Just because my husband is a man doesn’t mean that is bad with emotions. 6. In a book called Strong Mothers, it seems strange to me that Meeker would advocate being less strong than a child’s father. Meeker contends that a mother’s strength is a threat to her son’s masculinity. How can this possibly be true? Wouldn’t the best way to teach a son strength is a healthy dynamic between mother and father where each upholds the other’s weaknesses? This just doesn’t make sense. Yes, I am physically weaker than my husband, but I am an incredibly strong woman. I am going to show my son that strength and encourage him to find a wife who is also strong. I really hate the concept of “the weaker sex”. Meeker is just perpetuating that stereotype.
So, an equal number of good points and bad points, but the bad points seem to be systemic issues rather than specific examples like the good points.
Just one lingering question. Why are all Christian parenting books biased in favor of stay-at-home mothers? Can we not give solid advice for working mothers who are doing the best they can?
First, the good. 1. Dr. Meeker advocates balance. As sons grow, their abilities and responsibilities grow. It is important to neither over or under estimate their abilities. 2. Meeker reminds mothers that they are not responsible for their son’s choices. As boys grown into men, they take responsibility for themselves. 3. Moms need to get off “the crazy train” of constantly doing things for their children. Boys need to find their own interests. 4. Age appropriate chores are good. Give your son space to grow within his experiences. 5. The way that you deal with sex and sharing information about intimacy has far reaching effects on your son.
Second, the bad. 1. Meeker tells this story with a myriad of real life examples from her medical practice. Most of these examples seemed to be stories where the mother (or the son) experienced extreme trauma. Stories of childhood rape, traumatic divorce, and more. Meeker gave very few examples of positive family role models inside traditional homes and happy families. All the sons interviewed about their wonderful mothers talked about how terrible it was when dad died/left and they were forced to raise their sons alone. 2. Meeker assumes that dads aren’t involved. She dedicated a whole chapter to how to get your child’s father to be more involved. I don’t think this is a reasonable assumption. Yes, many dads are involved, and yes, the stereotype is an uninvolved dad. But their are also many wonderful fathers who want to be involved in their sons’ lives. 3. Meeker off-handedly mentions that children who spend more than 30 hours in daycare are not as emotionally stable as children who spend more time at home. Honestly, what is the point of this? So stay-at-home moms can pat themselves on the back? How does this jive with all the wonderful mothers who were never at home since they had to work 2 jobs to put food on the table? It seems like an unnecessary detail that simply makes people feel bad for choices that they have made. Especially if being a working mother is a necessity. This really continues on into 4. Meeker has a generally sexist tone about mothers and fathers, who is the primary breadwinner. She holds up the traditional family home as the expectation and the ideal. I really struggled with her tone. I am a working mother. My son spends between 45 and 50 hours per week in daycare. I don’t really have a choice in this. Meeker’s implicit bias really bothered me. 5. Meeker states that women are the main emotional teachers in the home. This is almost laughable to me as my husband is much more emotionally literate than I am. She is so biased against men! Just because I am a woman doesn’t mean I am good with emotions. Just because my husband is a man doesn’t mean that is bad with emotions. 6. In a book called Strong Mothers, it seems strange to me that Meeker would advocate being less strong than a child’s father. Meeker contends that a mother’s strength is a threat to her son’s masculinity. How can this possibly be true? Wouldn’t the best way to teach a son strength is a healthy dynamic between mother and father where each upholds the other’s weaknesses? This just doesn’t make sense. Yes, I am physically weaker than my husband, but I am an incredibly strong woman. I am going to show my son that strength and encourage him to find a wife who is also strong. I really hate the concept of “the weaker sex”. Meeker is just perpetuating that stereotype.
So, an equal number of good points and bad points, but the bad points seem to be systemic issues rather than specific examples like the good points.
Just one lingering question. Why are all Christian parenting books biased in favor of stay-at-home mothers? Can we not give solid advice for working mothers who are doing the best they can?
May 15, 2014
Great book on raising sons with integrity. So grateful that this came out while my son is pre-teen. We are already benefitting from some of Meg's teachings. I'll keep this book close to refer back to over the next several years.
August 11, 2014
Though the book wasn't as structured as I would have liked and a bit long-winding and overly sentimental at points, the key points on how to raise strong sons were well developed. I agreed with her insights on the relationship between moms and sons, recognizing things from how my own son and I relate to each other and from friends. The author gives many practical tips on how to deal with certain issues, like being a single mom, having an ex-husband who is a bad influence, having a son who is angry or rebellious, etc.
I also loved the many examples and stories in the book, oftentimes I learn more from these than from the theory. I would have liked a bit more scientific research at some points, where she did cite this it strengthened her arguments in my opinion. A big plus fro me was the strong Christian undertone in the book, even though it's not 'officially' a Christian book it is most definitely touching on many aspects of faith (including a very interesting chapter on how the relationship between mother and son affects his image of God).
I recommend this book!
I also loved the many examples and stories in the book, oftentimes I learn more from these than from the theory. I would have liked a bit more scientific research at some points, where she did cite this it strengthened her arguments in my opinion. A big plus fro me was the strong Christian undertone in the book, even though it's not 'officially' a Christian book it is most definitely touching on many aspects of faith (including a very interesting chapter on how the relationship between mother and son affects his image of God).
I recommend this book!
January 10, 2019
"In most situations we encounter with our sons, our instincts tell us how we should respond and what we should do. So when you are faced with a decision that you must make about your son and you feel confused, I encourage you to pull back from the advice of well-meaning friends and listen to what the small voice inside you is trying to say."
At times repetitive, but I did gain some good insight from reading this book about mothers and sons, and mothering sons. It made me ask some hard questions about the way I parent and whether I am allowing my husband equal opportunity for parenting. Since fathers (or father figures) are so important for boys, pushing for a closer relationship between those two is important. There were several passages I snapped a photo of and sent to my sister, "remind you of anyone?" (Sorry Dad, but it was all RIGHT there).
I also really appreciated the section that talked about boys and sex. I'm a squeamish person by nature. I hate awkwardness in all forms. And sex talks between parents and kids seems really just, awkward. But Meeker gives some really basic pointers and conversation starters for boys of any age. Curious, I gave it a shot testing out the elementary age question suggested that went something like this:
ME: "I know kids at school might start saying things about what Moms and Dads do when they get married and are in love, like kiss and stuff. If you ever have any questions about that, you can always ask me since I'm a grown up and I know a lot of stuff and because kids sometimes get confused about those things and may not give you the best information."
KID: silence
ME: "So is there anything you want to ask me about that? Or tell me about that?"
KID: "Well, this one kid in the cafeteria, put all his milk in his mouth and then squirted it all over the table and it even came out his nose."
Ah, okay we'll table this and check back in a few months. All is well in first grade boy land at the moment.
Since I'm goal oriented and reading one parenting book a year is a goal of mine, I'm happy to get this goal checked off my list. And bonus, I actually learned a few things in the process.
At times repetitive, but I did gain some good insight from reading this book about mothers and sons, and mothering sons. It made me ask some hard questions about the way I parent and whether I am allowing my husband equal opportunity for parenting. Since fathers (or father figures) are so important for boys, pushing for a closer relationship between those two is important. There were several passages I snapped a photo of and sent to my sister, "remind you of anyone?" (Sorry Dad, but it was all RIGHT there).
I also really appreciated the section that talked about boys and sex. I'm a squeamish person by nature. I hate awkwardness in all forms. And sex talks between parents and kids seems really just, awkward. But Meeker gives some really basic pointers and conversation starters for boys of any age. Curious, I gave it a shot testing out the elementary age question suggested that went something like this:
ME: "I know kids at school might start saying things about what Moms and Dads do when they get married and are in love, like kiss and stuff. If you ever have any questions about that, you can always ask me since I'm a grown up and I know a lot of stuff and because kids sometimes get confused about those things and may not give you the best information."
KID: silence
ME: "So is there anything you want to ask me about that? Or tell me about that?"
KID: "Well, this one kid in the cafeteria, put all his milk in his mouth and then squirted it all over the table and it even came out his nose."
Ah, okay we'll table this and check back in a few months. All is well in first grade boy land at the moment.
Since I'm goal oriented and reading one parenting book a year is a goal of mine, I'm happy to get this goal checked off my list. And bonus, I actually learned a few things in the process.
October 30, 2020
I only got 70% of the way through this book. I really tried to finish it but got progressively more uncomfortable with the perspectives of childhood development in XY individuals by this pediatrician. I honestly think that this book is dated, that her advice is specific to an earlier generation of mothers. First of, she’s incredibly judgey towards women, for example, she proclaims that most women focus too much on exercising or cooking organic food than to play with their sons, when in reality, most women are trying to maintain their full time job and fulfill the needs that need to be met physically to meet just the first hierarchy of needs (clean house, good food, clean clothes..) so what if a mom wants to exercise?! Cut her some slack if she needs to do something for herself, I think it’s important for boys to have role models of women taking care of themselves rather than constantly putting everyone else ahead of themselves.
She also recommends that single mothers find a role model.. like a priest.. to take their sons on solo trips. IS SHE FOR REAL?! As a pediatrician I would think she would know better than to make recommendations such as this.
I do appreciate how she gives anecdotal stories about mothers who felt something was wrong with their sons but had a hard time getting their sons to open up. The advice to just be there physically and remind them constantly that they can talk to you seems to be some excellent advice.
Also, her advice to create rituals really inspired me to implement a nightly wrestling session to end the day with my sons and it’s been a highlight of their days.
So while most of it was terrible, I still go some great pearls.
She also recommends that single mothers find a role model.. like a priest.. to take their sons on solo trips. IS SHE FOR REAL?! As a pediatrician I would think she would know better than to make recommendations such as this.
I do appreciate how she gives anecdotal stories about mothers who felt something was wrong with their sons but had a hard time getting their sons to open up. The advice to just be there physically and remind them constantly that they can talk to you seems to be some excellent advice.
Also, her advice to create rituals really inspired me to implement a nightly wrestling session to end the day with my sons and it’s been a highlight of their days.
So while most of it was terrible, I still go some great pearls.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 5, 2019
The book gave some insightful thoughts about raising sons for mothers who are puzzled about how and why their sons are acting the way they are..
The only thing i wished is to cut the long story short, the book was very long and included lots of repetition which made it boring little bit. Also, i wish it included a schedule with all the basic information mentioned in the book as a summary.
Quotes and note:
Mothers should teach their sons how to take responsibility of their actions and not blame others for it by setting boundaries, eventually they will grow up to follow their own boundaries. They should be assigned chores to increase their sense of responsibility."
"Mothers are better wired to deal with their sons when they catch them watching porn or playing games that are laced with sexual content because mothers are more sensitive and close to sons. The reaction of the mother will determine if the son is going to be ashamed, condemned or aware that it is a natural desire but the way he is approaching it is unhealthy"
"The writer says that Kids learn about religion from their mother but i would say that they do from both parents,how parents precieve god will affect children, i remember seeing my mom read(duaa) after each prayer and my fathers voice reading quran after every morning prayer and yes i agree with the writer that parents behavior toward god wil establish the ground for their kids religious beliefs"
"A 30 year old man has been asked about what he thinks of his mother he said mom is home. Many sons will feel the same because mothers are the ones who will accept their kids no matter how faulty they are. Being a home is not a small thing it is the root of a healthy personality, and all this bonding starts from childhood. How a mother nurture her kid is so vital"
Mothers should learn when to pull back and give their sons the chance to become independent men"
"*boys in their teens might test the boundaries and show their bad mothers because they're trying to figure how to become men and because they know that mothers will always love them and be there for them.
*a father should give the approval to his son thah he accepts him the way he is or else the boy will try to get this approvalor disapproval by being out of control or outrageous to get their fathers' attention"
"“Boys who don’t have mothers who help them confront their feelings about themselves and their fathers after the father has left the family can end up with depression, suicidal thoughts, or living a life filled with a controlling, unresolved rage.”"
"A struggling boy needs a mother who can handle whatever he feels, whatever he has to say. This is challenging: Too often we succumb to feeling sorry for them, telling them that we are worried about them or are afraid they will do something to harm themselves. In other words, oftentimes we make things worse by projecting our fears onto them.
"Listening requires that you shut down distracting thoughts, turn off the phone, make eye contact (for more than one second), act interested, and be able to repeat back to your son what he just told you. That, friends, is work."
"Listening to your son makes him feel worthy, important, and loved. Think about how you feel when someone stops what they are doing, asks you to sit down and talk, and then listens to what you have to say. There is little else in the world that can make you feel so important. This is how your son feels when you stop and listen to him."
"Boys are more sensitive than girls because they grow up suppressing their emotions and believing that showing signs of weakness is not manly. Girls on the other hand grow up expressing their feelings clearly and grow to become strong woman with emotional intelligence.Mothers should teach their sons how to express emotions. I like this point but how can we teach them this?"
"A mother should never prohibit her son from getting her love , no matter how much he looked like he hates her especially during puberty and when problems arise. It is this love that is based on need , that is unconditional that pulls back our children to us when disaster strikes.
For boys, a mother constitute the love no matter what happens
"Mothers are boys first love , the way the mother treat her son will remain inside him forever and will shape how he treat women or vise versa.
Physical affection and love expression should continue during the boy life no matter how embarrassing or uncomfortable he was to receive such affection from his mom."
The only thing i wished is to cut the long story short, the book was very long and included lots of repetition which made it boring little bit. Also, i wish it included a schedule with all the basic information mentioned in the book as a summary.
Quotes and note:
Mothers should teach their sons how to take responsibility of their actions and not blame others for it by setting boundaries, eventually they will grow up to follow their own boundaries. They should be assigned chores to increase their sense of responsibility."
"Mothers are better wired to deal with their sons when they catch them watching porn or playing games that are laced with sexual content because mothers are more sensitive and close to sons. The reaction of the mother will determine if the son is going to be ashamed, condemned or aware that it is a natural desire but the way he is approaching it is unhealthy"
"The writer says that Kids learn about religion from their mother but i would say that they do from both parents,how parents precieve god will affect children, i remember seeing my mom read(duaa) after each prayer and my fathers voice reading quran after every morning prayer and yes i agree with the writer that parents behavior toward god wil establish the ground for their kids religious beliefs"
"A 30 year old man has been asked about what he thinks of his mother he said mom is home. Many sons will feel the same because mothers are the ones who will accept their kids no matter how faulty they are. Being a home is not a small thing it is the root of a healthy personality, and all this bonding starts from childhood. How a mother nurture her kid is so vital"
Mothers should learn when to pull back and give their sons the chance to become independent men"
"*boys in their teens might test the boundaries and show their bad mothers because they're trying to figure how to become men and because they know that mothers will always love them and be there for them.
*a father should give the approval to his son thah he accepts him the way he is or else the boy will try to get this approvalor disapproval by being out of control or outrageous to get their fathers' attention"
"“Boys who don’t have mothers who help them confront their feelings about themselves and their fathers after the father has left the family can end up with depression, suicidal thoughts, or living a life filled with a controlling, unresolved rage.”"
"A struggling boy needs a mother who can handle whatever he feels, whatever he has to say. This is challenging: Too often we succumb to feeling sorry for them, telling them that we are worried about them or are afraid they will do something to harm themselves. In other words, oftentimes we make things worse by projecting our fears onto them.
"Listening requires that you shut down distracting thoughts, turn off the phone, make eye contact (for more than one second), act interested, and be able to repeat back to your son what he just told you. That, friends, is work."
"Listening to your son makes him feel worthy, important, and loved. Think about how you feel when someone stops what they are doing, asks you to sit down and talk, and then listens to what you have to say. There is little else in the world that can make you feel so important. This is how your son feels when you stop and listen to him."
"Boys are more sensitive than girls because they grow up suppressing their emotions and believing that showing signs of weakness is not manly. Girls on the other hand grow up expressing their feelings clearly and grow to become strong woman with emotional intelligence.Mothers should teach their sons how to express emotions. I like this point but how can we teach them this?"
"A mother should never prohibit her son from getting her love , no matter how much he looked like he hates her especially during puberty and when problems arise. It is this love that is based on need , that is unconditional that pulls back our children to us when disaster strikes.
For boys, a mother constitute the love no matter what happens
"Mothers are boys first love , the way the mother treat her son will remain inside him forever and will shape how he treat women or vise versa.
Physical affection and love expression should continue during the boy life no matter how embarrassing or uncomfortable he was to receive such affection from his mom."
July 19, 2017
I honestly didn't even finish this book, I just couldn't, and I tried over several months. I even brought it as my only book on two different trips to force myself to read it and I ended up just not reading. This book has a few good points to reflect on as mothers but overall is very dense and repetitive. I found myself skimming most chapters to find the meat. I also found the book sexist. Her description of husbands has self-centered and unable to read emotions is offensive and she goes on later to say that she is offended by the way husbands are portrayed as buffoons on TV. I know there are going to be some generalizations in this book, but the gender stereotypes run deep, which is the second reason I couldn't finish this book. The third reason is that some of the stories in this book are just dumb. Who needs to be told not to write crude comments on their son's ex-girlfriends facebook wall? I would highly recommend investing your money in a different book.
August 29, 2019
I didn't finish this book. It was pretty problematic throughout, particularly around outdated gender roles, stereotypes and citing old research that supports her personal conservative values. I have 2 boys, and had been hoping for a book grounded in more science and facing a more challenging world. What I got was a preachy, difficult, shaky science, eye-rolling lecture. Skip it if you want to raise boys to be good men in this day and age.
February 7, 2015
I really enjoyed this book but I read it too soon. The advice and practical applications are more geared towards a mother with a pre-teen or teenager son. Besides that, I found the book to be informative and very down to earth. I'll definitely pick it up again when Kenny is older.
July 19, 2015
Quite possibly the most useful book I'll read in 2015! I LOVE this author! LOVE her!!
I wanted to underline hundreds and hundreds of sentences but sadly it was a library book.... will be purchasing my own copy...
I wanted to underline hundreds and hundreds of sentences but sadly it was a library book.... will be purchasing my own copy...
May 15, 2022
I am very conflicted by this book. There are many important lessons and parenting topics that Dr. Meg Meeker covers unapologetically, despite being counter cultural in today’s rage against the traditional family (which may make this book even more important!). Unfortunately the nuggets of wisdom were shared in a rambling, meandering, repetitive way that was difficult to read. I much preferred her 10 Habits of Happy Mothers. My takeaways include some no brainers, but worth remembering:
1. The mother-son relationship should move from dependence to independence in an age-appropriate way, helping him take on responsibility and learn about himself
2. Listen and ask questions. Then learn to listen some more—and better!
3. Know yourself as a Mom (be confident in who you are, your priorities, how you choose to parent)
4. The most important gift you can give your son is helping him “orient his life toward meaning, not just happiness” (106)
5. Acceptance and Forgiveness, teaching by example “Nothing frees a man like the ability to forgive a person who has deeply wounded him” (121)
6. Teach him to have hope “Having hope really isn’t about outward success: It is an inward decision. Hope tells a man that life will be better, that good things lie ahead regardless of his outward state…hold onto a belief that God us real, that He is good and that He can be trusted with your life” (127)
7. Be there for him. Be present. And did I mention listen, really listen?
1. The mother-son relationship should move from dependence to independence in an age-appropriate way, helping him take on responsibility and learn about himself
2. Listen and ask questions. Then learn to listen some more—and better!
3. Know yourself as a Mom (be confident in who you are, your priorities, how you choose to parent)
4. The most important gift you can give your son is helping him “orient his life toward meaning, not just happiness” (106)
5. Acceptance and Forgiveness, teaching by example “Nothing frees a man like the ability to forgive a person who has deeply wounded him” (121)
6. Teach him to have hope “Having hope really isn’t about outward success: It is an inward decision. Hope tells a man that life will be better, that good things lie ahead regardless of his outward state…hold onto a belief that God us real, that He is good and that He can be trusted with your life” (127)
7. Be there for him. Be present. And did I mention listen, really listen?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 22, 2021
This is the parenting book I have needed as I navigate raising two boys who are headed into their teenage years. The overall message of the book focuses on raising sons that will one day be able to strong men who have a healthy relationship with their mother long term. It also teaches how the dynamics between mother and son change during different developmental stages.
The book is organized into a series of lessons that mothers need to help raise strong sons including teaching them about their emotions, teaching about God and virtues, empowering him to make decisions, how to help him develop a strong relationship with Dad, trusting your intuition and being the MOM, teaching about sex, preparing to let go as he grows up, and more.
My complaints about this book are:
1. It's very long. Like too long. I never would have gotten through without the stories and how in line my beliefs are with what she teaches. I listened at the right time in my life
2. She sure does put a lot of responsibility on moms. And wish I believed that it wasn't true - but I do. Everything she talked about echoes my own experience as a mom
3. Without coming out and saying it, she seems to favor stay at home mamas - but I in no way felt shamed for being a working mom
I feel better prepared for what lies ahead in my parenting journey after reading this book. I will come back to it again and again. Highly recommend!
The book is organized into a series of lessons that mothers need to help raise strong sons including teaching them about their emotions, teaching about God and virtues, empowering him to make decisions, how to help him develop a strong relationship with Dad, trusting your intuition and being the MOM, teaching about sex, preparing to let go as he grows up, and more.
My complaints about this book are:
1. It's very long. Like too long. I never would have gotten through without the stories and how in line my beliefs are with what she teaches. I listened at the right time in my life
2. She sure does put a lot of responsibility on moms. And wish I believed that it wasn't true - but I do. Everything she talked about echoes my own experience as a mom
3. Without coming out and saying it, she seems to favor stay at home mamas - but I in no way felt shamed for being a working mom
I feel better prepared for what lies ahead in my parenting journey after reading this book. I will come back to it again and again. Highly recommend!
February 21, 2024
I was worried as my son is 10 that I was too late reading this, but a great amount is still possible I can do (or NOT do) to help my boy. This book came out in 2013 when he was born and I just kept tabling it. There is a great deal Christian aspect/perspective but it was not annoying. I learned a lot and feel better overall about if I am being who he needs me to be. Sometimes I worry reading these type parenting books will do more harm but this one was reassuring. I recommend it just as to feel a breath of fresh air if you are like me completely winging it and wondering if you are on course. Mostly the messaging is trusting your instincts and being brave in your choices, don’t follow the grain. You’ve got this. Unapologetically being yourself and what you believe in ❤️
August 16, 2020
Buku ini menceritakan dengan terperinci dilema dan ujian yang ibu-ibu akan hadapi membesarkan anak lelaki. Dilema ni berubah mengikut usia anak-anak.
Penulis memberikan banyak contoh situasi kisah benar yang berlaku, jadi kita boleh faham dan kaitkan dengan situasi di sekeliling atau yang sedang kita alami.
Personally Kim rasa penting untuk faham jiwa anak lelaki. Sebagai guru, Kim tengok anak lelaki lebih mudah terjebak dengan benda-benda negatif dan dari segi pelajaran pun lemah. Tapi kita dah biasa dengan stereotaip “Ala budak lelaki, biasalah tu” Secara tak langsung, masyarakat dan menyerah kalah dalam membesarkan anak lelaki yg kuat mental dan fizikal.
Bila baca buku ni, baru Kim faham kenapa budak lelaki memberontak, marah dan malas. Puncanya dari rumah dan dari cara kita besarkan mereka.
Jadi ibu-ibu, Kim sangat galakkan beli buku ni untuk tambah ilmu, untuk kenal anak-anak dan selami jiwa mereka. Bila dah baca habis, baru faham kenapa tajuknya Strong Mothers, Strong Sons. Ibu yang kena kuat dulu, baru anak kuat. InsyaAllah.
Semoga kita semua boleh jadi ibu yang terbaik dan besarkan anak-anak lelaki yang boleh menyumbang pada masyarakat.
Penulis memberikan banyak contoh situasi kisah benar yang berlaku, jadi kita boleh faham dan kaitkan dengan situasi di sekeliling atau yang sedang kita alami.
Personally Kim rasa penting untuk faham jiwa anak lelaki. Sebagai guru, Kim tengok anak lelaki lebih mudah terjebak dengan benda-benda negatif dan dari segi pelajaran pun lemah. Tapi kita dah biasa dengan stereotaip “Ala budak lelaki, biasalah tu” Secara tak langsung, masyarakat dan menyerah kalah dalam membesarkan anak lelaki yg kuat mental dan fizikal.
Bila baca buku ni, baru Kim faham kenapa budak lelaki memberontak, marah dan malas. Puncanya dari rumah dan dari cara kita besarkan mereka.
Jadi ibu-ibu, Kim sangat galakkan beli buku ni untuk tambah ilmu, untuk kenal anak-anak dan selami jiwa mereka. Bila dah baca habis, baru faham kenapa tajuknya Strong Mothers, Strong Sons. Ibu yang kena kuat dulu, baru anak kuat. InsyaAllah.
Semoga kita semua boleh jadi ibu yang terbaik dan besarkan anak-anak lelaki yang boleh menyumbang pada masyarakat.
November 9, 2014
Very informative and down to earth! Would recommend to anyone with a son.
February 13, 2022
I probably should have read this book years ago when my boys were younger and not already adults. It has been on my bookshelf for that long but I found the information useful and interesting.
October 27, 2024
In the 21st century, Strong Mothers, Strong Sons definitely needed to be written and I’m grateful to Meg Meeker that she did. The world would be a better place if every mother read it. I’m glad Dr. Meeker tells the Truth: that men and women, boys and girls, are different and those differences should be celebrated. I appreciate that she includes a chapter on helping boys develop their relationship with God, an oft overlooked issue. As a mother of an infant son, I learned that I have a lot of work ahead of me but an equal amount to look forward to. Dr. Meeker makes the daunting task of motherhood seem approachable and doable. I read this after my husband read her previous book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters and he shared with me some of the many statistics he found interesting. I wish Strong Mothers, Strong Sons had more facts and figures included. There is a good amount of anecdotal evidence, which works well in this case, but more stats would have helped. While enjoyed the book overall, I found there to be too much fluff. At times, it felt like I was reading a paper from a college student who needed to meet a word count requirement—repetition, clichés, and unnecessary wordiness. Despite that, I learned a lot and am happy to place it on my “parenting” bookshelf. 3.5 stars.
December 2, 2025
I read this on the recommendation of someone I trust deeply. In general, it wasn't a bad book. It is a bit dense, not to be undertaken lightly. In terms of content, I'd recommend Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Tools Your Son Can Build on for Life and Raising Boys to Men: A Simple, Mercifully Short Book on Raising and Homeschooling Boys before this one. Much of the same content in a bit more digestible and maybe slightly more modern take. The chapter on talking about sex was probably the only information not really covered in the other 2.
I was also personally frustrated by the author's use of faith in the conversation, only because I do think she writes from a Christian faith personal perspective, and many topics she spoke about in ways that align with Christianity without directly correlating it... which I assume is in attempt to widen her audience, but it frustrated me as a believing mom.
I was also personally frustrated by the author's use of faith in the conversation, only because I do think she writes from a Christian faith personal perspective, and many topics she spoke about in ways that align with Christianity without directly correlating it... which I assume is in attempt to widen her audience, but it frustrated me as a believing mom.
January 31, 2022
Not a huge fan. I think the book overstates the mother's role in helping her son be emotionally literate. My boys didn't grow up in a vacuum. There are many people who are teaching them how to articulate their inner selves, not just me. My husband's kindness taught my son's so much, and I've heard my boys' feedback as adults that much I said did sink in. I think learning how to listen to them and exhibit understanding is far more valuable than the implication that they need to learn how to articulate their feelings to suit me.
October 12, 2018
I liked most of what she had to say, though much of it was more applicable to older sons. However, sometimes I didn’t love the writing style, especially the interviews. They were written as though they were directly what the person said, but I think she used some liberty with paraphrasing. Two grown men referred to their mothers in interviews as “a tough old bird”, something I can’t imagine any grown man saying in 2018. And then later the author called a mom “a tough old bird”. So I feel like she used a lot of her own wording when it was suppose to feel like what the interviewee was saying. This made some interviews sound over dramatic and fake, though they probably weren’t. Idk:)
December 26, 2024
I found this book after I listened to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast and the author was a guest. I really enjoyed that episode. I really enjoyed this book too. This is one of the best parenting books I’ve read especially since it’s for boys specifically. The only reason I gave it 4/5 is because the author contradicts herself a few times especially when she talks about parenting with your instincts. But I think there were some great strategies about parenting boys.
December 9, 2025
Lots of good advice in here, as described. The one caveat I would note is that it's really more for mothers of sons who are school age or in their teen years. My son is still three, and while there were a few nuggets that I can apply right now, most of the advice doesn't apply to our stage of life yet so I would have to go back and read it (or look at my ebook highlights) in several years.
February 25, 2025
One i will come back to time and time again! So much good insight on parenting as a whole from birth- adulthood. Even tips for intimidating topics and hard conversations in raising boys/and kids. A lot of reflection and good conversation with other adults sparked from here
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