They do say that there are no atheists in foxholes, but foxes don’t go to confession either. So how do we know? If foxes DID go to confession, however...wavy lines on the screen - dissolve to :
THE FOX SKETCH
Mr Fox : Father, forgive me, I have sinned.
Priest: What did you do, son?
Mr Fox : Do you have to ask? Another six chickens this week. And, I had lustful thoughts. I looked at internet fox porn. You know I have an iPad, and that stuff is only three clicks away.
Priest: (Adopting an Irish accent, although he’s from Brixton, which any map will tell you is in London) And did you steal those chickens from the farmers?
Mr Fox : I did, father.
Priest: Now brother fox, is that not why the good God put Sainsburys and Asda and Tesco right here on this earth? It’s twenty Hail Maries for you.
Mr Fox : Fox ache, father.
Priest: And that’ll be enough of your bad language too. You know that chickens have souls as well as foxes. God loves the chickens.
Mr Fox : I bet he loves them better sauteed in butter and garnished with parsley.
Priest: That may be so, my theology doesn’t stretch that far.
Mr Fox : I’ll see you in the pub later then.
Priest: About nine.
Mr Fox : Twenty Hail Maries?
Priest: On your way
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BRITAIN AND AMERICA
In 1999 when I joined my former company I met this guy, I’ll call him Fraser because that was his name. The company at that time had about 100 employees. During one conversation he told me he was a committed Christian, and then, in a conspiratorial manner, he asked quietly, “How many other Christians do you think there are working here?” I had no idea. Fraser said “I think there’s six” and he counted them off, including a woman who was a Jehovah’s Witness. I thought this was a remarkable sociological observation – if you turned the clock back say 40 years the question would be the other way round – “How many people here aren’t Christians? I think six”. I get the idea (and I stand to be corrected) that in America it’s still that way, that if you meet the average American you assume they’re a Christian. And definitely, absolutely, don’t assume they’re an atheist!
THE OLD GOOD ATHEIST, BAD ATHEIST ROUTINE
In many ways this book is trying to de-fang atheism. You have your bad atheists Hitchens and Dawkins and they’re like
Don’t call me Scarface – my name is Dawkins. D A W K I N S. Say my name. Say it.
But Julian Baggini is the good atheist and he’s going to pour you tea and plump up the cushions and he’s already baked a quiche. So JB will explain that just because you’re an atheist it doesn’t mean you have no morals (er, do people think that?), it doesn’t mean you deny the existence of anything non-physical, like love (ah, so atheists can be in love, that’s nice), that it’s not parasitic on religion (huh? read that back), that it’s not itself a faith (that old chestnut), that just because you can’t be 100% sure there isn’t a God does not therefore mean you should call yourself an agnostic, and that it’s plain foolishness to say “I neither believe nor disbelieve that the Pope is a robot” (p86).
I BELIEVE THAT I WOULD MAKE A VERY BAD PHILOSOPHER (OUT OF COOKING INGREDIENTS, USING PASTA FOR HIS HAT)
Evidence is a maze, a winding labyrinth at the centre of which is a minefield. Consider – what is faith? Is it acceptance as true of something you have not yourself experienced? JB says : “it is not faith that tells me it is not a good idea to jump out of the windows of tall buildings”. I know what he means, we all know that this action would result in a considerable loss of dignity, but it’s hard to be scrupulous. I have never seen anyone jump to their death. I’ve read about such events, they’ve been in movies and tv shows I’ve seen, and everyone agrees the jumpers tend to die. But that all might be lies, just like the stuff about the moon landings in 1969. So I’m in the position of taking other people’s word for the inadvisability of high-level defenestration. is this a faith position? If so, 95% of everything we believe is faith. I haven’t been to the Amazon but all the maps tell me it’s there. I receive books and stuff from the Amazon, but I don’t think it’s the actual river sending me this stuff, I think it’s some people who live on the banks. But like I say, I’ve never been there.
STILL MY LUST IS UNSLAKED
What we have is a careful fairly interesting fairly irritating canter at 23 miles an hour through a number of philosophical issues surrounding atheism. E.g. what is evidence, can morality exist without some kind of God concept, etc. What we don’t have is a dis-assembling and a criticism of the conventional notions of God. But maybe that’s asking a little too much from a short introduction. Anyway, JB has briskly dealt with my mealymouthed agnostic self-identification. He looks me in the eye and he says you’re quacking, you’re waddling, you lay eggs, you’re a duck. It’s okay to be a duck. Quack quack.