"I’m not okay, but I’m not ready to give up that one day I will be."
If you've been following my reviews (it's still kind of weird that someone wants to know what I think) you'll know I'm always honest. So, here's honesty.
I was recommended this book because of the cover, and the cover model, but it had been in my TBR for a while. If the person who recommend it now knew what I'm going through, they probably wouldn't have. And they would be wrong. This is going down as one of my favorite books ever.
Because... this sentence sums it up for me. A few weeks ago, I didn't want to be here. I was alone, tired, and sick of all of this. My story is not a happy one, and one night I could've ended it. And one of the things I would've missed out on would be reading this book.
I'm still here. I'm not okay. But maybe I'm not ready to give up that 'okay' is coming. One day.
Hope is a dangerous thing, and this book crushed my heart but gave me hope. Thank you, Jen.
"She looks breakable in every possible way—the counter to my stone walls and steel truths."
Melody is inspiring. She was so in love with her husband, but then life, in all its unfairness, happened, and he died. She's alone. And even though she's surrounded by people who love her, it doesn't matter. Part of her is missing, but she's found the strength to carry on.
"There’s a darkness inside of him that speaks to my light."
My first impression of Parker was that he's a real asshole, and then I realized that in some ways he's my spirit animal. He's not the way he is by choice, but because so many things got in the way of the person he was meant to be. There's a dark cloud hanging over him, and his words may be unfiltered and mean, but they're also honest. I wanted to hug him.
"I’m goddamn jealous of their loss. To lose is to have loved. It’s when we have nothing left to lose that we truly know suffering"
I went into this book totally blind, and I feel like you should. If there's anything you need to know, feel free to DM me.
I don't think it's a spoiler to say they meet at a suicide support group. They're so different right off the bat. She's never been more exposed or vulnerable, but he doesn't care. It's like he wasn't built for feelings, like they're unimportant. Because who cares when you're just going through the motions, right? He's dead inside, and she has so much life to give.
And although they seem impossible, they just may not be.
"What did it feel like?"
"The knife?"
"To love someone that much."
Throughout the book, I felt that the main difference between them is love. Melody knows what it is, it was a living, breathing, palpable thing for her, and then it was gone. But Parker has never felt it, he can't relate, he doesn't know how to act. My heart really broke for him. What do you do when you need love, but you don't think you do because you don't know what it is?
"You're my starting point. You're my turning point. You're the whole damn point."
There's so much to this story. I wish I could experience it for the first time again, without knowing what's coming, because it was perfect. From Melody and Parker, to the secondary characters, to the world around them... there is so much love. So much heart. So much heartbreak, but also so much happiness.
"You. All of your scars, your shadows, and your perfect, perfect heart."
The plot line and the story were very much unique. The twist... I didn't see it coming, and I'm glad I didn't. The book is long, and it's slow-build, but that's the way it's meant to be. It's what these two deserve, and Jennifer doesn't shy away from what needs to be said.
It will break you, but it will also put you back together again.
"The truth is, I never truly had a home until I had her. I had four walls and a place to lay my head, but no place to lay my heart."
They were both looking for what was missing. A light at the end of the tunnel. Sun and sunshine, or moon and moonlight. Something to guide their way. Their hearts found each other, and their light shines brighter when they're together. Mending hearts and lives is not easy. Learning or relearning to love someone, or loving your life... that's not easy either.
I have a huge book hangover, and Parker and Melody will be living rent-free in my head for a while.
I'm grateful. I was looking for my own moon, I guess.