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Constable Mavis Upton #1
Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong
Meet Mavis Upton.
As mummy to 7-year old Ella, surrogate to far too many pets and with a failed marriage under her belt, Mavis knows she needs to make some life-changing decisions. It's time to strike out into the world, to stand on her own two feet … to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a Police Officer. I mean, what could go wrong?
Supported by her quirky, malapropism-suffering mum, Mavis throws herself headlong into a world of uncertainty, self-discovery, fearless escapades, laughter and extra-large knickers. And using her newly discovered investigative skills, she reluctantly embarks on a search to find her errant dad who was last seen years before, making off with her mum's much needed coupon for a fabulous foam cup bra all the way from America.
Follow Mavis as she tackles everything life can throw at her, and revel in Gina Kirkham's humorous, poignant and moving story of an everyday girl who one day followed a dream.
As mummy to 7-year old Ella, surrogate to far too many pets and with a failed marriage under her belt, Mavis knows she needs to make some life-changing decisions. It's time to strike out into the world, to stand on her own two feet … to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a Police Officer. I mean, what could go wrong?
Supported by her quirky, malapropism-suffering mum, Mavis throws herself headlong into a world of uncertainty, self-discovery, fearless escapades, laughter and extra-large knickers. And using her newly discovered investigative skills, she reluctantly embarks on a search to find her errant dad who was last seen years before, making off with her mum's much needed coupon for a fabulous foam cup bra all the way from America.
Follow Mavis as she tackles everything life can throw at her, and revel in Gina Kirkham's humorous, poignant and moving story of an everyday girl who one day followed a dream.
- GenresHumorFictionContemporary
348 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 18, 2017
About the author
Gina Kirkham
13 books45 followersGina was born in the late 1950s to a mum who frequently abandoned her in a pram outside Woolworths and a dad who after two pints of beer could play a mean Boogie Woogie on the piano in the front room of their 3-bed semi on the Wirral. Being the less adventurous of three children, she remains there to this day - apart from a long weekend in Bognor Regis in 1982.
Her teenage years were filled with angst, a CSE in Arithmetic, raging pimples and Barry White. Marriage and motherhood ensued, followed by divorce in her early thirties and a desperate need for a career and some form of financial support for herself and her young daughter. Trundling a three-wheeled trike along a leafy path one wintry day, memories of her favourite author Enid Blyton, ginger beer and solving mysteries along with her lifelong passion to be a police officer, excitedly gave way to an epiphany. And thus began an enjoyable and fulfilling career with Merseyside Police.
On reaching an age most women lie about, she quickly adapted to retirement by utilising her policing skills to chase after two granddaughters, two dogs and one previously used, but still in excellent condition, husband. Having said goodbye to what had been a huge part of her life, she suddenly had another epiphany. This time it was to put pen to paper to write a book based on her experiences as a police officer. Lying in bed one night staring at the ceiling, Gina's alter-ego Mavis Upton was born, ready to star in a humorous and sometimes poignant look at the life, loves and career of an everyday girl who followed a dream and embarked upon a search for the missing piece of her childhood.
Her teenage years were filled with angst, a CSE in Arithmetic, raging pimples and Barry White. Marriage and motherhood ensued, followed by divorce in her early thirties and a desperate need for a career and some form of financial support for herself and her young daughter. Trundling a three-wheeled trike along a leafy path one wintry day, memories of her favourite author Enid Blyton, ginger beer and solving mysteries along with her lifelong passion to be a police officer, excitedly gave way to an epiphany. And thus began an enjoyable and fulfilling career with Merseyside Police.
On reaching an age most women lie about, she quickly adapted to retirement by utilising her policing skills to chase after two granddaughters, two dogs and one previously used, but still in excellent condition, husband. Having said goodbye to what had been a huge part of her life, she suddenly had another epiphany. This time it was to put pen to paper to write a book based on her experiences as a police officer. Lying in bed one night staring at the ceiling, Gina's alter-ego Mavis Upton was born, ready to star in a humorous and sometimes poignant look at the life, loves and career of an everyday girl who followed a dream and embarked upon a search for the missing piece of her childhood.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 70 reviews
October 5, 2019
*3.5 Stars *
Single mum to 7 year old Ella, Mavis Upton is at a crossroads in life, she wants to give Ella the best that she can, and she wants her to be proud of her mummy, so she decides to follow her childhood dream and applies to be a police officer. Simple? No not at all, it will be a case of one step forward, two steps back initially, and working in a male oriented environment means that she has to put even more effort in. But Mavis and her big knickers are determined to fit (if you’ll excuse the pun). With her male colleagues behaving like naughty boys at primary school where the mere mention of the word fart has them in stitches, she embarks on a series of escapades as a newly qualified police officer. One such escapade in the local nightclub toilets involves a ‘bar of soap’ (don’t ask) and another one where she was trying to relieve herself of a bout of ‘gas,’ thinking she was alone, were both quite hilarious.
She’s not funny all the time though, she does have a more serious side, especially when it comes to child neglect cases - she cares, I mean really cares, so much so that it breaks her heart - and it broke mine too.
Though I thought it could have flowed a lot better, it’s inspiring, moving, amusing, and it has plenty of family drama, but most of all it has Mavis Upton, and she’s priceless!
Single mum to 7 year old Ella, Mavis Upton is at a crossroads in life, she wants to give Ella the best that she can, and she wants her to be proud of her mummy, so she decides to follow her childhood dream and applies to be a police officer. Simple? No not at all, it will be a case of one step forward, two steps back initially, and working in a male oriented environment means that she has to put even more effort in. But Mavis and her big knickers are determined to fit (if you’ll excuse the pun). With her male colleagues behaving like naughty boys at primary school where the mere mention of the word fart has them in stitches, she embarks on a series of escapades as a newly qualified police officer. One such escapade in the local nightclub toilets involves a ‘bar of soap’ (don’t ask) and another one where she was trying to relieve herself of a bout of ‘gas,’ thinking she was alone, were both quite hilarious.
She’s not funny all the time though, she does have a more serious side, especially when it comes to child neglect cases - she cares, I mean really cares, so much so that it breaks her heart - and it broke mine too.
Though I thought it could have flowed a lot better, it’s inspiring, moving, amusing, and it has plenty of family drama, but most of all it has Mavis Upton, and she’s priceless!
August 25, 2017
10☆ This book has had me in Tears of laughter - Everyone needs to meet Mavis!
Handcuffs, Truncheon & a Polyester Thong is Gina Kirkham's very first book and what a fantastic book it is!
When I say it had me in tears of laughter..... i meant it!!
Page after page of pure entertainment,fun, laughter, Antics I didn't want it to end.
Everyone needs to meet Mavis! She is a true star and represents women passionately!
Mavis Upton is my hero!
Raising Ella as a single Mum, she decides one day to change her life forever and she starts by.....
Training to become a policewoman!
From the moment she fills in the forms you can tell it's going to be a crazy journey.
Even taking the passport photo for the form was an hilarious chore.
As Mavis tackles the motorway in her metro then finally arrives at the Regional Police Training Centre, only to drive straight into the first concrete bollard in the car park. Much to her dismay as all the new recruits were waiting and watching.
Mavis Upton...... had arrived!!!!
Wow oh wow and what an impression she was about to make!!...
Fires, drunken antics this book has it all and that's just within the training centre!
I fell in love with Mavis, Ella and Mavis's Mum.
Mavis's Mum was one of my favourite characters, she was so warm, and always gave Mavis full support. It was so lovely to see how close their relationship was. It melted my heart as that's how I am with my Mum, she's my best friend.
It's here i'm going to stop..... I URGE you all to read Mavis's story you won't regret it!
From fake Reebok trainers, to size 20 thongs, drunken antics, big knickers
each chapter will have you laughing out loud!!!
Join Mavis Upton on her hilarious journey to become a policewoman in a male dominant force where she kicks butt, finds Love, wrestles with underwear, faces heartbreaking moments with strength and courage.
Mavis will have you cringing, laughing, crying, smiling, crying again.
Handcuffs, Truncheon & a Polyester Thong is a Poignant, warm, very funny read that melted my heart.
I was frantically turning pages till the early hours, desperate to find out what happens next!
Each chapter has fun titles, each one short enough to keep the reader fully engaged and wanting more.
A perfect read for those who are wanting a fun, hilarious, feel good easy to read book.
I can't recommend this book enough. It's a light hearted fun read. That had me laughing till the early hours.
I can't wait for book 2 ....Whiskey Tango Foxtrot out in July 😍🙊
I received this book from the Publisher for free via Netgalley, in which I voluntarily reviewed.
My Review is also on my blog website :
http://dashfan81.blogspot.com/2017/08...
Handcuffs, Truncheon & a Polyester Thong is Gina Kirkham's very first book and what a fantastic book it is!
When I say it had me in tears of laughter..... i meant it!!
Page after page of pure entertainment,fun, laughter, Antics I didn't want it to end.
Everyone needs to meet Mavis! She is a true star and represents women passionately!
Mavis Upton is my hero!
Raising Ella as a single Mum, she decides one day to change her life forever and she starts by.....
Training to become a policewoman!
From the moment she fills in the forms you can tell it's going to be a crazy journey.
Even taking the passport photo for the form was an hilarious chore.
As Mavis tackles the motorway in her metro then finally arrives at the Regional Police Training Centre, only to drive straight into the first concrete bollard in the car park. Much to her dismay as all the new recruits were waiting and watching.
Mavis Upton...... had arrived!!!!
Wow oh wow and what an impression she was about to make!!...
Fires, drunken antics this book has it all and that's just within the training centre!
I fell in love with Mavis, Ella and Mavis's Mum.
Mavis's Mum was one of my favourite characters, she was so warm, and always gave Mavis full support. It was so lovely to see how close their relationship was. It melted my heart as that's how I am with my Mum, she's my best friend.
It's here i'm going to stop..... I URGE you all to read Mavis's story you won't regret it!
From fake Reebok trainers, to size 20 thongs, drunken antics, big knickers
each chapter will have you laughing out loud!!!
Join Mavis Upton on her hilarious journey to become a policewoman in a male dominant force where she kicks butt, finds Love, wrestles with underwear, faces heartbreaking moments with strength and courage.
Mavis will have you cringing, laughing, crying, smiling, crying again.
Handcuffs, Truncheon & a Polyester Thong is a Poignant, warm, very funny read that melted my heart.
I was frantically turning pages till the early hours, desperate to find out what happens next!
Each chapter has fun titles, each one short enough to keep the reader fully engaged and wanting more.
A perfect read for those who are wanting a fun, hilarious, feel good easy to read book.
I can't recommend this book enough. It's a light hearted fun read. That had me laughing till the early hours.
I can't wait for book 2 ....Whiskey Tango Foxtrot out in July 😍🙊
I received this book from the Publisher for free via Netgalley, in which I voluntarily reviewed.
My Review is also on my blog website :
http://dashfan81.blogspot.com/2017/08...
June 27, 2017
Ahhhh...I could go on reading about the exploits of Mavis Upton FOREVER.....
I just knew from the very first page that this book was going to be an absolute hoot and it didn't disappoint! Following a couple of heavy books and a bit of a mental slump this was just the job and was an amazing feel good read.
"Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong" excellently written by the very funny and talented Gina Kirkham is about single mam Mavis Upton, who on the wrong side of 30 decides to embark on her dream to be a Police Officer. This hilarious 'laugh out loud' book follows her adventures from her initial application to her many years in the job, including her personal life and relationships.
There are so many funny chapters in this book, I don't think I could begin to single one out as the funniest, although I did find the prank in the morgue very entertaining.
I loved the relationship and banter between Mavis and her mam, it's clearly obvious from the way this was portrayed that the author and her mother were very close.
I wholeheartedly imagine at one point or another a woman has encountered or can relate to one of Mavis' womanly mishaps, she's like a female Mr Bean at times!
Even though there is a sad chapter that brought a tear to my eye, I was highly impressed with how it was dealt with emotionally that didn't overload the reader and spoil the flow of the book.
Gina Kirkham has a fantastic talent of conveying humour in a wry, funny and saucy way to the reader and I do hope there is a follow up to this book very soon, it would be great to continue reading Mavis' journey through her life, career and family. Everybody needs a Mavis in their life!!
A humongous 5 stars to match her thong!!! 😂😂
I just knew from the very first page that this book was going to be an absolute hoot and it didn't disappoint! Following a couple of heavy books and a bit of a mental slump this was just the job and was an amazing feel good read.
"Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong" excellently written by the very funny and talented Gina Kirkham is about single mam Mavis Upton, who on the wrong side of 30 decides to embark on her dream to be a Police Officer. This hilarious 'laugh out loud' book follows her adventures from her initial application to her many years in the job, including her personal life and relationships.
There are so many funny chapters in this book, I don't think I could begin to single one out as the funniest, although I did find the prank in the morgue very entertaining.
I loved the relationship and banter between Mavis and her mam, it's clearly obvious from the way this was portrayed that the author and her mother were very close.
I wholeheartedly imagine at one point or another a woman has encountered or can relate to one of Mavis' womanly mishaps, she's like a female Mr Bean at times!
Even though there is a sad chapter that brought a tear to my eye, I was highly impressed with how it was dealt with emotionally that didn't overload the reader and spoil the flow of the book.
Gina Kirkham has a fantastic talent of conveying humour in a wry, funny and saucy way to the reader and I do hope there is a follow up to this book very soon, it would be great to continue reading Mavis' journey through her life, career and family. Everybody needs a Mavis in their life!!
A humongous 5 stars to match her thong!!! 😂😂
July 10, 2017
This is sort of a novel. It’s written episodically, with interconnected chapters. If it were a blog or a series of teleplays for a sitcom, it would work, but its attempts to be a novel, or at least novel-like, don’t.
There are definitely some laughs throughout. The first chapter is strong—hilarious. The story of single mother, thirty-something Mavis Upton has potential. Mavis is likeable in that she doesn’t spend her days fretting about her ex-husband or how she’ll get a man. Her concerns are her mom and seven-year-old daughter, Ella, and being the best police officer she can be.
Unfortunately, there are a LOT of snot/booger/fart jokes. More significantly, this book desperately needed a professional editor. Had the author hired one, the editor would have cut out every use of the word “rather.” The word is abused horribly. The phrase “rather fetching” comes up dozens of times. On one page, there might be “rather fetching,” “rather plump,” and “rather attractive.”
The editor would have also deleted clichés like “avoided like the plague” and “eyes as big as saucers.” This author can write light humor—she has some fun turns of phrase like “Ella gave him a glacial stare that would have frozen the testicles off a polar bear.”
The other problem is that in most cases, you can figure out the gist of the misunderstanding or dilemma Mavis will find herself in at the beginning of the chapter—you can see the joke coming, which makes it not as funny because part of humor is the unexpected. I think Kirkham would have been better served to focus on the story rather than trying to be hilarious. Then, she’d have a better book that sometimes had some humor in it.
There are definitely some laughs throughout. The first chapter is strong—hilarious. The story of single mother, thirty-something Mavis Upton has potential. Mavis is likeable in that she doesn’t spend her days fretting about her ex-husband or how she’ll get a man. Her concerns are her mom and seven-year-old daughter, Ella, and being the best police officer she can be.
Unfortunately, there are a LOT of snot/booger/fart jokes. More significantly, this book desperately needed a professional editor. Had the author hired one, the editor would have cut out every use of the word “rather.” The word is abused horribly. The phrase “rather fetching” comes up dozens of times. On one page, there might be “rather fetching,” “rather plump,” and “rather attractive.”
The editor would have also deleted clichés like “avoided like the plague” and “eyes as big as saucers.” This author can write light humor—she has some fun turns of phrase like “Ella gave him a glacial stare that would have frozen the testicles off a polar bear.”
The other problem is that in most cases, you can figure out the gist of the misunderstanding or dilemma Mavis will find herself in at the beginning of the chapter—you can see the joke coming, which makes it not as funny because part of humor is the unexpected. I think Kirkham would have been better served to focus on the story rather than trying to be hilarious. Then, she’d have a better book that sometimes had some humor in it.
May 2, 2017
On an ordinary day, Mavis is out on a walk with her daughter, Ella, when she has an epiphany. It's time to make some changes to her life and fulfil a lifelong ambition of being a Police Officer. What could go wrong? Well, plenty actually as Mavis is a bit different and quite accident-prone. But she also has a big heart and is so incredibly likeable that you can't help but root for her every step of the way.
As I was looking for a book that would make me laugh, this one caught my eye. The title and the cover alone made me snort in the most unladylike manner. However, don't let the cover or the description fool you too much though. Yes, there is hilarity and I did laugh, out loud even, at times. However, there's a depth to this story that I wasn't really expecting, which was a truly nice surprise.
I warmed to Mavis instantly but the book is full of quirky, eccentric and funny characters. For me, the star of the show is Mavis' mum, whose malapropisms frequently made me chuckle, but who is also always there, right behind her daughter, supporting her along the way.
If you're looking for something a little different and maybe a wee quirky that will put a smile on your face but may also have you reaching for a tissue at some point, I have no doubt you will find this uplifting story an enjoyable and entertaining read.
Many thanks to Urbane Publications and Netgalley for my advanced copy, which I chose to review.
As I was looking for a book that would make me laugh, this one caught my eye. The title and the cover alone made me snort in the most unladylike manner. However, don't let the cover or the description fool you too much though. Yes, there is hilarity and I did laugh, out loud even, at times. However, there's a depth to this story that I wasn't really expecting, which was a truly nice surprise.
I warmed to Mavis instantly but the book is full of quirky, eccentric and funny characters. For me, the star of the show is Mavis' mum, whose malapropisms frequently made me chuckle, but who is also always there, right behind her daughter, supporting her along the way.
If you're looking for something a little different and maybe a wee quirky that will put a smile on your face but may also have you reaching for a tissue at some point, I have no doubt you will find this uplifting story an enjoyable and entertaining read.
Many thanks to Urbane Publications and Netgalley for my advanced copy, which I chose to review.
May 8, 2017
This is a seriously funny book. The characters are believable and comedic.
I really do hope there is a follow up as suggested.
I really do hope there is a follow up as suggested.
September 29, 2017
I wish I could have liked it more. This read came at a strange moment, I started it just the day after a close member of my family got into police school. He struggled quite a bit to pass the entry exam, so when I read about the poor performance of the heroine in front of the examiners, I was more appalled than hilarious. All I could think about was how much he worked to get there, and imagine his face if he ever read this. (OK, that part was kind of funny) ;)
Maybe I should try this some other time.
Maybe I should try this some other time.
February 3, 2018
If you think this book might be your cup of tea - grab the audiobook version. Diana Croft almost killed me off with the giggling fits this book gave me.
Mavis Upton is the author's alter ego who one day has an epiphany and decided to join the police and live her dream. She tells us about the training courses, initiations into her first station and some of the more memorable jobs of her early career from a uniquely female perspective. What I enjoyed is that this is a story of a woman who gives as good as she gets! She's a single mother to her very funny daughter Ellie, and daughter to an equally wicked mother. It's her perspective on everything as a woman that makes it so easy for me to relate to - mishaps with stockings that won't stay up, car seats that won't come far enough forward and the eternal struggle of making an ample bosom look smart in formalwear.
Most importantly, this book is insanely funny. It's possible the humour is a bit of an acquired taste but it's definitely one of mine! There is quite a lot of snot and other body secretions in this book, as well as some excellently timed fart jokes but it's important to see the funny side of absolutely everything when your work involves seeing the worst sides of absolutely everyone.
It's not all giggles though, there are some chapters that deal with the sadder aspects of Mavis' work and private life, Diana Croft had me holding back tears when she read these. That woman is GOOD. The whole story is in the voice of Mavis, with her funny and matter of fact voice with a Scouse (Liverpool) accent which is a tricky one to copy successfully but Croft nailed it - she clearly worships at the same altar of 'less is more' that I do when it comes to accents.
The book itself is beautifully written, every single word had its place in this book and had an impact on me. I'm not one for re-listening to audiobooks as a rule but this one will be my go-to forever.
The take away message of this book for me is that you'll never get out of the job alive if you can't laugh at yourself!
**I received a free copy of this audiobook for an honest and unbiased review**
Mavis Upton is the author's alter ego who one day has an epiphany and decided to join the police and live her dream. She tells us about the training courses, initiations into her first station and some of the more memorable jobs of her early career from a uniquely female perspective. What I enjoyed is that this is a story of a woman who gives as good as she gets! She's a single mother to her very funny daughter Ellie, and daughter to an equally wicked mother. It's her perspective on everything as a woman that makes it so easy for me to relate to - mishaps with stockings that won't stay up, car seats that won't come far enough forward and the eternal struggle of making an ample bosom look smart in formalwear.
Most importantly, this book is insanely funny. It's possible the humour is a bit of an acquired taste but it's definitely one of mine! There is quite a lot of snot and other body secretions in this book, as well as some excellently timed fart jokes but it's important to see the funny side of absolutely everything when your work involves seeing the worst sides of absolutely everyone.
It's not all giggles though, there are some chapters that deal with the sadder aspects of Mavis' work and private life, Diana Croft had me holding back tears when she read these. That woman is GOOD. The whole story is in the voice of Mavis, with her funny and matter of fact voice with a Scouse (Liverpool) accent which is a tricky one to copy successfully but Croft nailed it - she clearly worships at the same altar of 'less is more' that I do when it comes to accents.
The book itself is beautifully written, every single word had its place in this book and had an impact on me. I'm not one for re-listening to audiobooks as a rule but this one will be my go-to forever.
The take away message of this book for me is that you'll never get out of the job alive if you can't laugh at yourself!
**I received a free copy of this audiobook for an honest and unbiased review**
September 12, 2017
I like to try to vary my reading and not stick too much with a particular genre, though of course I do have my favourites. I am always going to be a bit tempted by a book decribed as hilarious, humorous, very funny etc, as these tend to be short novels that can lighten up my mood between more serious reads. The problem is, humour is such a question of personal taste, and this book sadly did not even tick half my boxes ! The author tried so hard to be hilarious from the first page and simply ended up repeating herself over and over again , jokes of snots, farts and over sized knickers being the favourite theme. Tiresome.
never-reading-andor-finishing
January 6, 2020The writing is a tad too stodgy for me, can't sink into the tale or characters and at 26% have given up trying.
Acquired via KU.
Acquired via KU.
November 23, 2025
This was the first of Gina's books I've read as I needed a change from my usual genre.
The tales of Constable Mavis Upton, had me in hysterics from the outset and I struggled to carry on reading at times as I couldn't get my giggles under control. Her euphemism's were fab and overall an enjoyable book. There were some parts in the book that had a sad undertone but were written respectfully. Looking forward to reading the other books in the series.
The tales of Constable Mavis Upton, had me in hysterics from the outset and I struggled to carry on reading at times as I couldn't get my giggles under control. Her euphemism's were fab and overall an enjoyable book. There were some parts in the book that had a sad undertone but were written respectfully. Looking forward to reading the other books in the series.
August 4, 2017
Oh my days! Where do I start with this wonderful book? Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong is one of the funniest books I've read in a long time.
Right from the opening chapter, in which we meet our protagonist, Mavis Upton, in a somewhat precarious situation, I knew that this was going to be an enjoyable read.
So, just who is Mavis Upton? Well, she's mum to Ella and daughter to Josie and one day whilst out with Ella she decides that she wants to join the police force. Making this decision later on in life was always going to make this a challenge for Mavis, but it's one that she rises to admirably.
I was in stitches as I followed Mavis through her rookie training, trying to stifle my laughter as I sat in my chair at the hairdressers waiting for my colour to take, I'm sure I got more than a few funny looks while I was sat there!
But this is more than just the humorous side of being a bobby on the beat, there's also an unexpected depth to the story. Real life isn't always a bed of roses and Mavis' life is no exception. There was one case in particular that really tugged at my heart-strings and I was literally in tears at one point towards the end of the book.
Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong is an outstanding debut novel and Gina Kirkham is an exceptional writer. Her ability to create characters that jump off the page and feel like friends is second to none. Mavis is someone who I immediately warmed to and getting to know the non-professional, mother/daughter side of Mavis, she quickly endeared herself to me and became someone who I wanted to know and have a coffee and dunk a biscuit with. The interaction between Mavis and her colleagues is wonderful and the pranks they played on each other were hilarious. I did feel particularly sorry for the hapless Petey after the morgue incident and I truly believe that he should never have been given handcuffs! But I'm not going to give anything away as I don't want to spoil your own discovery of what happened.
I honestly can't recommend this book highly enough, I LOVED every single page and I'm sure that you will too! I do hope that there will be another book because I'd love to find out what she's up to now.
With kind thanks to author Gina Kirkham for the review copy and for making me think twice about buying cheap polyester thongs from Primark! 😉
Right from the opening chapter, in which we meet our protagonist, Mavis Upton, in a somewhat precarious situation, I knew that this was going to be an enjoyable read.
So, just who is Mavis Upton? Well, she's mum to Ella and daughter to Josie and one day whilst out with Ella she decides that she wants to join the police force. Making this decision later on in life was always going to make this a challenge for Mavis, but it's one that she rises to admirably.
I was in stitches as I followed Mavis through her rookie training, trying to stifle my laughter as I sat in my chair at the hairdressers waiting for my colour to take, I'm sure I got more than a few funny looks while I was sat there!
But this is more than just the humorous side of being a bobby on the beat, there's also an unexpected depth to the story. Real life isn't always a bed of roses and Mavis' life is no exception. There was one case in particular that really tugged at my heart-strings and I was literally in tears at one point towards the end of the book.
Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong is an outstanding debut novel and Gina Kirkham is an exceptional writer. Her ability to create characters that jump off the page and feel like friends is second to none. Mavis is someone who I immediately warmed to and getting to know the non-professional, mother/daughter side of Mavis, she quickly endeared herself to me and became someone who I wanted to know and have a coffee and dunk a biscuit with. The interaction between Mavis and her colleagues is wonderful and the pranks they played on each other were hilarious. I did feel particularly sorry for the hapless Petey after the morgue incident and I truly believe that he should never have been given handcuffs! But I'm not going to give anything away as I don't want to spoil your own discovery of what happened.
I honestly can't recommend this book highly enough, I LOVED every single page and I'm sure that you will too! I do hope that there will be another book because I'd love to find out what she's up to now.
With kind thanks to author Gina Kirkham for the review copy and for making me think twice about buying cheap polyester thongs from Primark! 😉
August 8, 2017
If you are looking for a book to make you laugh out loud then look no further!! Mavis Upton is a wonderfully real character and her exploits as a single mum and as a rookie police officer will keep you entertained throughout!
From her challenges in motherhood, to dealing with her own mother, dating colleagues and going for a career change as a police officer this book takes you through such a range of emotions! I was in fits of laughter one minute, and then shedding tears the next! Every aspect of her police training is explored and many moments had you thinking they were more like the keystone cops! She isn't the only quirky character featured and this adds to the fun, but the author even explores the darker side of police work with the reality of the sights they are often called out too that are tough for them to deal with - and then you understand why they need their often twisted sense of humour to get them through!
Mavis is such a delightful character - full of flaws but so determined, plucky and real! The humour mixes well with the more tender, emotional moments and I'm delighted to hear the author is already working on another book featuring this character! I can't wait!!!
Thoroughly recommended!!
From her challenges in motherhood, to dealing with her own mother, dating colleagues and going for a career change as a police officer this book takes you through such a range of emotions! I was in fits of laughter one minute, and then shedding tears the next! Every aspect of her police training is explored and many moments had you thinking they were more like the keystone cops! She isn't the only quirky character featured and this adds to the fun, but the author even explores the darker side of police work with the reality of the sights they are often called out too that are tough for them to deal with - and then you understand why they need their often twisted sense of humour to get them through!
Mavis is such a delightful character - full of flaws but so determined, plucky and real! The humour mixes well with the more tender, emotional moments and I'm delighted to hear the author is already working on another book featuring this character! I can't wait!!!
Thoroughly recommended!!
June 21, 2023
This is the story of Mavis Upton, mother, daughter, friend to many, and of course, as the title suggests, police officer. And what a jolly, sometimes sensitive, but for the most part, politically incorrect, hilarious rollercoaster ride of a read it is.
The story begins in 2008 and opens with main protagonist, Mavis, in hot pursuit of burglar Billy ‘The Mog’ Benson, so called because of his renowned catlike agility. Having followed him up onto the somewhat decrepit rooftop of the local scrapyard, Mavis finds herself perilously swinging from a rusty old girder after the roof has given way. Dangling from the rafters with nothing between her and the jagged scrapheap of metal 35 feet below, the breeze whistling through her combat pants making her wish she’d worn thermal knickers instead of a polyester thong, and her life hanging in the balance, Mavis introduces herself.
“I am Mavis Upton. Constable 1261 Mavis Upton to be precise. Ace police driver and apprehender of naughty people; lover of crisps (any flavour); hater of big knickers, which if I survive this I’ll tell you about later; daughter to Mrs Josie Upton, sister to Connie and Michael and Mum to a rather headstrong young lady called Ella…”
Surviving her somewhat precarious predicament, Mavis then takes us back in time – to 1988 to be exact, where it all begins. Mavis, a thirty-something single mother of young daughter Ella, has an epiphany and decides to follow a lifelong ambition to join the police. Narrated in the first person throughout, the reader is then taken on a riveting, laugh out loud journey of the highs and lows of constable Mavis Upton, from basic training, to rookie, and eventually to somewhat older and wiser veteran.
Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong is a light-hearted, easy to read comedy about life. There are some sad, very poignant moments weaved among the high jinks and hilarity, which the author writes with great pathos and sensitivity (I dare anyone not to be moved by the scene that awaits Mavis after a desperate call from a 5 year old, or indeed the ending of the book), but on the whole this is a humorous observation of this thing called life and the many characters that shape it. Mavis comes across as a very real, very warm, if somewhat accident-prone individual; her courage and kindness often reflected in the deeds and actions of those closest to her. I loved the endearing, maternal devotion between Mavis and her daughter, and Mavis and her mother, which simply oozed mother-daughter love, and although some of the jokes and one-liners of her biscuit dunking male work colleagues might raise a few eyebrows these days, it very much reflects the humour of the era the book is set in. A jolly, feel-good read and one I highly recommend.
The story begins in 2008 and opens with main protagonist, Mavis, in hot pursuit of burglar Billy ‘The Mog’ Benson, so called because of his renowned catlike agility. Having followed him up onto the somewhat decrepit rooftop of the local scrapyard, Mavis finds herself perilously swinging from a rusty old girder after the roof has given way. Dangling from the rafters with nothing between her and the jagged scrapheap of metal 35 feet below, the breeze whistling through her combat pants making her wish she’d worn thermal knickers instead of a polyester thong, and her life hanging in the balance, Mavis introduces herself.
“I am Mavis Upton. Constable 1261 Mavis Upton to be precise. Ace police driver and apprehender of naughty people; lover of crisps (any flavour); hater of big knickers, which if I survive this I’ll tell you about later; daughter to Mrs Josie Upton, sister to Connie and Michael and Mum to a rather headstrong young lady called Ella…”
Surviving her somewhat precarious predicament, Mavis then takes us back in time – to 1988 to be exact, where it all begins. Mavis, a thirty-something single mother of young daughter Ella, has an epiphany and decides to follow a lifelong ambition to join the police. Narrated in the first person throughout, the reader is then taken on a riveting, laugh out loud journey of the highs and lows of constable Mavis Upton, from basic training, to rookie, and eventually to somewhat older and wiser veteran.
Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong is a light-hearted, easy to read comedy about life. There are some sad, very poignant moments weaved among the high jinks and hilarity, which the author writes with great pathos and sensitivity (I dare anyone not to be moved by the scene that awaits Mavis after a desperate call from a 5 year old, or indeed the ending of the book), but on the whole this is a humorous observation of this thing called life and the many characters that shape it. Mavis comes across as a very real, very warm, if somewhat accident-prone individual; her courage and kindness often reflected in the deeds and actions of those closest to her. I loved the endearing, maternal devotion between Mavis and her daughter, and Mavis and her mother, which simply oozed mother-daughter love, and although some of the jokes and one-liners of her biscuit dunking male work colleagues might raise a few eyebrows these days, it very much reflects the humour of the era the book is set in. A jolly, feel-good read and one I highly recommend.
April 24, 2017
Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong is the debut novel from Gina Kirkham. This is a witty, intelligent and incredibly funny book that had me laughing out loud. But don't be fooled by the fabulous cover (which I love) as this novel has so much depth, it's not just a series of funny stories (which are in fact, hilarious). The stories that are told are mixed with real life emotions, beautifully observed reality and a protagonist who you just can't help but love and admire. While reading, I was constantly drawing comparisons to the scouse sitcom, Bread, and to Only Fools and Horses, so you get the idea of how much I loved this book. It's that good.
So, this is Mavis Upton's story, a police officer, a mother, a daughter and a person in her own right, who tells us the personal story of her life. Her story begins from when she first had the idea forming in her mind about joining the police back in 1988, right up to the present day of 2008. I was with Mavis every step of the way and felt like I really knew her, 'nellies' and all! The author writes so beautifully, and makes the art of storytelling seem completely effortless. I was gently propelled from one hilarious story to the next, revelling in all of the antics that she got up to. The real joy for me, was watching her transform from a rather naïve woman who had an idealistic view of the world, and who would only drive at a maximum of 40 mph, into the perceptive, 'chasing bad guys' police officer that she finally became.
Along the way we meet some wonderful colourful characters, and that's not just the local criminals! We meet her young daughter, Ella, who seems mature beyond her years and who shares her mother's wit and sense of humour. For me though, it was Mavis' mother, Josie Upton, who was the star of the show with her plentiful malapropisms. A woman who was strong, fiercely protective of her family and who constantly saw the funny side of life, even in the darkest of times. The scene with the 'squiffy' formed a huge lump in my throat and I'll admit that I had to put the book down for a little while in order to gather my thoughts. Ms Kirkham is a storyteller who writes from the heart, with compassion, humility and overwhelming understanding of what makes us who we are.
Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong is like a breath of fresh air. It is packed full of scouse humour, which reminded me so much of my youth growing up on the Wirral. While reading I wondered what stories were based upon reality, thinking that most of them probably were, and this brought a huge smile to my face. This novel also touches upon the more serious side of policing, as there were a few stories that made me sit back and really think. One such story dealt with the safety and welfare of children, and this really brought home the reality of what horrors the police have to deal with, before going on to the next job.
This is a highly original novel and an emotional roller coaster of a ride that had me in stitches. It is such a feel good book. I have a feeling that Mavis Upton will be with me for a very long rime, and I will never quite look at a polyester thong in quite the same way ever again!
Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong is published by Urbane Publications on May18th.
With thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for an Advanced Reader Copy.
So, this is Mavis Upton's story, a police officer, a mother, a daughter and a person in her own right, who tells us the personal story of her life. Her story begins from when she first had the idea forming in her mind about joining the police back in 1988, right up to the present day of 2008. I was with Mavis every step of the way and felt like I really knew her, 'nellies' and all! The author writes so beautifully, and makes the art of storytelling seem completely effortless. I was gently propelled from one hilarious story to the next, revelling in all of the antics that she got up to. The real joy for me, was watching her transform from a rather naïve woman who had an idealistic view of the world, and who would only drive at a maximum of 40 mph, into the perceptive, 'chasing bad guys' police officer that she finally became.
Along the way we meet some wonderful colourful characters, and that's not just the local criminals! We meet her young daughter, Ella, who seems mature beyond her years and who shares her mother's wit and sense of humour. For me though, it was Mavis' mother, Josie Upton, who was the star of the show with her plentiful malapropisms. A woman who was strong, fiercely protective of her family and who constantly saw the funny side of life, even in the darkest of times. The scene with the 'squiffy' formed a huge lump in my throat and I'll admit that I had to put the book down for a little while in order to gather my thoughts. Ms Kirkham is a storyteller who writes from the heart, with compassion, humility and overwhelming understanding of what makes us who we are.
Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong is like a breath of fresh air. It is packed full of scouse humour, which reminded me so much of my youth growing up on the Wirral. While reading I wondered what stories were based upon reality, thinking that most of them probably were, and this brought a huge smile to my face. This novel also touches upon the more serious side of policing, as there were a few stories that made me sit back and really think. One such story dealt with the safety and welfare of children, and this really brought home the reality of what horrors the police have to deal with, before going on to the next job.
This is a highly original novel and an emotional roller coaster of a ride that had me in stitches. It is such a feel good book. I have a feeling that Mavis Upton will be with me for a very long rime, and I will never quite look at a polyester thong in quite the same way ever again!
Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong is published by Urbane Publications on May18th.
With thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for an Advanced Reader Copy.
June 13, 2020
Oh my goodness this is such a hilarious read. The author has used her own experiences in the Police and gave them to her alter ego – Mavis Upton and adds a little fiction.
The story starts and within a few pages I knew I was going to love this book. Mavis finally does something about her dream job and joins the police. A series of mishaps, some good friends and she has made it.
Now out in the real world her training has provided her with the knowledge to do her job, but her naivety still leaves her open to some of the in-jokes. She does however stand her own and makes her mark.
This book had me giggling, chuckling and laughing out loud so many times. It is just what the doctor ordered for brightening up any day. This is a book that is like a series of anecdotes, some of which you can see coming and others catch you out of the blue. Both sorts are funny no matter how they are delivered.
As this is a story based on experience it does have a semi autobiographic feel but it also has some fiction, but it is so easy to read. A book that readers who like humour, funny stories and just want a good giggle would really enjoy. I thought it was excellent and I would definitely recommend it.
The story starts and within a few pages I knew I was going to love this book. Mavis finally does something about her dream job and joins the police. A series of mishaps, some good friends and she has made it.
Now out in the real world her training has provided her with the knowledge to do her job, but her naivety still leaves her open to some of the in-jokes. She does however stand her own and makes her mark.
This book had me giggling, chuckling and laughing out loud so many times. It is just what the doctor ordered for brightening up any day. This is a book that is like a series of anecdotes, some of which you can see coming and others catch you out of the blue. Both sorts are funny no matter how they are delivered.
As this is a story based on experience it does have a semi autobiographic feel but it also has some fiction, but it is so easy to read. A book that readers who like humour, funny stories and just want a good giggle would really enjoy. I thought it was excellent and I would definitely recommend it.
July 6, 2025
I found this a bit of a mixed one!
I love police fiction and non-fiction, and having met the author last year, I was really excited to read this book from a local author.
It was a bit fluffier than I expected, with not that many stories about the actual work, and a lot more about Mavis’ personal life and work relationships. I would like to know how similar it was to the author’s real life - quite a bit I expect! I would have preferred more crime stories.
I also assume the very sad ending was fairly true to life, in which case I can understand why it was included, but it did totally change the way the direction of the book and was very sad.
I am looking forward to reading the next two.
I love police fiction and non-fiction, and having met the author last year, I was really excited to read this book from a local author.
It was a bit fluffier than I expected, with not that many stories about the actual work, and a lot more about Mavis’ personal life and work relationships. I would like to know how similar it was to the author’s real life - quite a bit I expect! I would have preferred more crime stories.
I also assume the very sad ending was fairly true to life, in which case I can understand why it was included, but it did totally change the way the direction of the book and was very sad.
I am looking forward to reading the next two.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 12, 2020
This is by far one of the funniest and most heart warming books I've read in a very long time.
Mavis has an epiphany and decides that she wants to be a police officer and be like her hero Enid Blyton.
It follows her story as she goes through training, the newbie stage then having her own newbie to look after. It also follows her family life, bringing up a daughter as a single mum, her own mothers malapropisms.
What makes this different is the scrapes Mavis gets into. You couldn't make it up, which I believe Gina didn't. I think she wrote real life experiences into the fiction. Some moments are just a snort or smirk, some I was crying laughing.
Absolutely 100% worth a read.
Mavis has an epiphany and decides that she wants to be a police officer and be like her hero Enid Blyton.
It follows her story as she goes through training, the newbie stage then having her own newbie to look after. It also follows her family life, bringing up a daughter as a single mum, her own mothers malapropisms.
What makes this different is the scrapes Mavis gets into. You couldn't make it up, which I believe Gina didn't. I think she wrote real life experiences into the fiction. Some moments are just a snort or smirk, some I was crying laughing.
Absolutely 100% worth a read.
December 29, 2018
this is the story of a lady that joins the police force later in life, its her highs and lows
and its very funny
its basically a book of short stories
well written and a very good read
and its very funny
its basically a book of short stories
well written and a very good read
Read
May 1, 2018🎧📖🎵AUDIO BOOK🎵📖🎧
omg this book was hilarious ! I can't even out into words how funny , it does have some parts where it tugs at your heartstrings but I loved the banter between mavis and her fellow officers and her mum was an amazing character
can't wait for more from this author
omg this book was hilarious ! I can't even out into words how funny , it does have some parts where it tugs at your heartstrings but I loved the banter between mavis and her fellow officers and her mum was an amazing character
can't wait for more from this author
May 5, 2017
I was looking through Netgalley when this novel caught my eye, and I had to request it just because of the cover. I love funny books, and this looked brilliant. There's a new heroine in town - Constable Mavis Upton - who takes us through her life and career as a police officer in Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong, the wonderful debut by former police officer Gina Kirkham.
Mavis is a young, single mum, and whilst out with her daughter one afternoon, suddenly has an epiphany. Mavis decides there and then that she wants to become a police officer. After filling out the forms, with the help of her hilarious mum, Mavis awaits her fate - and when she gets into the training program, can't believe what she's let herself in for. But she's determined, and as she embarks on the long, rigorous police training course, hilarious moments ensue.
And that's before she steps into the role. As Mavis navigates through the trials that await every new police officer - including some funny mishaps and initiations! - she tries not to let her guard down. But that's almost impossible for Mavis, who is partial to hilarious exploits, and constantly finds herself in embarrassing situations.
As the book goes on, Mavis works her way up through the ranks and years, taking on jobs that range from the downright silly to the highly emotional. Her daughter Ella is getting older, and after a few funny brushes with romance, Mavis finally finds a man that seems perfect for her. With her adoring Mum at her side, it seems as though life is going swimmingly. But then trouble unexpectedly hits their small, close family, and Mavis has to be stronger and braver than ever before.
This book has to be one of the best novels I have read so far. Yes, it's hilarious. In fact, it's so funny that I was giggling out loud numerous times whilst reading this. At 10% through this book it was already the funniest I had read this year. Gina Kirkham's humour is, in my opinion, the best kind; witty, a bit sarcastic, the ability to find the fun in every situation.
Mavis is such a great character. Not only is she someone you'd want to be around for the laughs, but she is strong, determined, and brave. I got that impression of her right away. She is ambitious, holding onto her dream, and even when things often went wrong in police training, Mavis laughed at herself and carried on. (Sorry. Have I mentioned JUST HOW MUCH I LOVE MAVIS?)
As an officer, Mavis is exposed to the funny side (there are plenty of hilarious stories involving thongs, blow-up dolls, drug raids...) and of course, the harrowing, emotional side to the job. As someone who has always secretly dreamed of being a police officer, I loved these chapters, and loved how Mavis reacted and grew as a character throughout her years in the police force. The book follows Mavis over a number of years, from trainee to experienced officer.
And then, the crying happened. I don't want to post spoilers, but there is a part of this book that is truly heartbreaking. It upset me as I read, as it is something that many people will have to go through, but Mavis remained positive throughout. I couldn't help but love her even more.
I find it hard to believe that this is a debut novel; Gina Kirkham is a fantastic writer. Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong may come across as a comedy, and it is - but it's so much more than that. This novel made me genuinely laugh and cry. It's a beautifully positive, uplifting tale full of emotion, warmth and humour, of an everyday woman who wants the best for herself and her family - and refuses to let anything - especially big knickers! - get in her way.
Mavis is a young, single mum, and whilst out with her daughter one afternoon, suddenly has an epiphany. Mavis decides there and then that she wants to become a police officer. After filling out the forms, with the help of her hilarious mum, Mavis awaits her fate - and when she gets into the training program, can't believe what she's let herself in for. But she's determined, and as she embarks on the long, rigorous police training course, hilarious moments ensue.
And that's before she steps into the role. As Mavis navigates through the trials that await every new police officer - including some funny mishaps and initiations! - she tries not to let her guard down. But that's almost impossible for Mavis, who is partial to hilarious exploits, and constantly finds herself in embarrassing situations.
As the book goes on, Mavis works her way up through the ranks and years, taking on jobs that range from the downright silly to the highly emotional. Her daughter Ella is getting older, and after a few funny brushes with romance, Mavis finally finds a man that seems perfect for her. With her adoring Mum at her side, it seems as though life is going swimmingly. But then trouble unexpectedly hits their small, close family, and Mavis has to be stronger and braver than ever before.
This book has to be one of the best novels I have read so far. Yes, it's hilarious. In fact, it's so funny that I was giggling out loud numerous times whilst reading this. At 10% through this book it was already the funniest I had read this year. Gina Kirkham's humour is, in my opinion, the best kind; witty, a bit sarcastic, the ability to find the fun in every situation.
Mavis is such a great character. Not only is she someone you'd want to be around for the laughs, but she is strong, determined, and brave. I got that impression of her right away. She is ambitious, holding onto her dream, and even when things often went wrong in police training, Mavis laughed at herself and carried on. (Sorry. Have I mentioned JUST HOW MUCH I LOVE MAVIS?)
As an officer, Mavis is exposed to the funny side (there are plenty of hilarious stories involving thongs, blow-up dolls, drug raids...) and of course, the harrowing, emotional side to the job. As someone who has always secretly dreamed of being a police officer, I loved these chapters, and loved how Mavis reacted and grew as a character throughout her years in the police force. The book follows Mavis over a number of years, from trainee to experienced officer.
And then, the crying happened. I don't want to post spoilers, but there is a part of this book that is truly heartbreaking. It upset me as I read, as it is something that many people will have to go through, but Mavis remained positive throughout. I couldn't help but love her even more.
I find it hard to believe that this is a debut novel; Gina Kirkham is a fantastic writer. Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong may come across as a comedy, and it is - but it's so much more than that. This novel made me genuinely laugh and cry. It's a beautifully positive, uplifting tale full of emotion, warmth and humour, of an everyday woman who wants the best for herself and her family - and refuses to let anything - especially big knickers! - get in her way.
July 24, 2018
I adore this book by Gina Kirkham about her alter ego, the queen of disasters Mavis Upton. This book is part fiction and a lot autobiography and even more laugh out loud hilarious, I mean how did Mavis actually survive police school and after beats me, with a fire, fake Reebok classics and her drunken antics to boot.
Mavis, a thirty-something single mum decides one day after an epiphany to join the police force. Her mum looks after her daughter Ella as she drives to the unknown and heads off on the motorway where she thinks everyone is being nice and waving hello to her as she drives at a nice comfortable 45 mph....on the motorway. The antics in the police school had me laughing out loud and shaking my head in constant amusement. How the hell did she pass..but she did yay!
Mavis is fab, and I completely adored her from the get-go. She is down to earth, a bit naive at times and a complete clutz, something which I can relate to, she is a woman after my own heart! Her life as much as you shouldn’t laugh is bloody funny when you read about the different callouts she gets. One I loved (because it was just so funny) was her treading in dog poo into an expensive house and using the ugly looking rug to wipe her boot on..only to find out it was the cat, kind of lets you know where this is going. The phasing by the boys in the force is hilarious, and I loved how the slang faark came about. I think my face hurts as I sat there like the Cheshire cat reading this book.
When we got to a sad part of the story, I did have a few tears as it brought back a few emotions for me (especially this time of year for me). It was all handled in a beautiful way. I won’t say anything as I don’t want to ruin it. The ending is kind of obvious, only because I thought it could only happen to Mavis.
Before reading this book, I had the absolute pleasure and honour of speaking to Gina a little bit on twitter as she kindly sent me this book so I could read it before I read the second. I was and still am completely honoured and touched she sent this to me, and it just cements Mavis and Gina in my heart a bit more.
I really can not convey how much I truly did love this book, it had a bit of everything in it, laughter, tears, crime, romance and coping generally at life (or drowning). Each chapter in the book is short and it never feels like a chore reading this book. I couldn't wait to find out what had happened on a different day in Mavis' life, and there was always something going on.
It is amazing knowing I have book 2 to read as I’m in the tour for it, but on twitter to have it casually dropped in that Gina is working on book 3 well this has made my day. I am not really for Mavis to leave my life, so I am off to do my happy dance...without my dress tucked in my knickers with my bum hanging out...I will leave that to Mavis.
Mavis, a thirty-something single mum decides one day after an epiphany to join the police force. Her mum looks after her daughter Ella as she drives to the unknown and heads off on the motorway where she thinks everyone is being nice and waving hello to her as she drives at a nice comfortable 45 mph....on the motorway. The antics in the police school had me laughing out loud and shaking my head in constant amusement. How the hell did she pass..but she did yay!
Mavis is fab, and I completely adored her from the get-go. She is down to earth, a bit naive at times and a complete clutz, something which I can relate to, she is a woman after my own heart! Her life as much as you shouldn’t laugh is bloody funny when you read about the different callouts she gets. One I loved (because it was just so funny) was her treading in dog poo into an expensive house and using the ugly looking rug to wipe her boot on..only to find out it was the cat, kind of lets you know where this is going. The phasing by the boys in the force is hilarious, and I loved how the slang faark came about. I think my face hurts as I sat there like the Cheshire cat reading this book.
When we got to a sad part of the story, I did have a few tears as it brought back a few emotions for me (especially this time of year for me). It was all handled in a beautiful way. I won’t say anything as I don’t want to ruin it. The ending is kind of obvious, only because I thought it could only happen to Mavis.
Before reading this book, I had the absolute pleasure and honour of speaking to Gina a little bit on twitter as she kindly sent me this book so I could read it before I read the second. I was and still am completely honoured and touched she sent this to me, and it just cements Mavis and Gina in my heart a bit more.
I really can not convey how much I truly did love this book, it had a bit of everything in it, laughter, tears, crime, romance and coping generally at life (or drowning). Each chapter in the book is short and it never feels like a chore reading this book. I couldn't wait to find out what had happened on a different day in Mavis' life, and there was always something going on.
It is amazing knowing I have book 2 to read as I’m in the tour for it, but on twitter to have it casually dropped in that Gina is working on book 3 well this has made my day. I am not really for Mavis to leave my life, so I am off to do my happy dance...without my dress tucked in my knickers with my bum hanging out...I will leave that to Mavis.
August 15, 2018
The first thing you should know is that I very, very rarely listen or read comedy. This is because usually the writing isn't funny, and barely even raises a smile, never mind a laugh. I wanted to try this book because of the narrator. Diana Croft is a class act and I love her narration. I've listened to her narrate thrillers, so I thought I'd see how good she is at comedy. The answer is very, very good. There were some very funny moments in Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong. Mavis Upton is a joyous creation and I loved her and her family and colleagues. There were some genuine laugh out loud moments and once I spluttered my tea out all over my beautifully folded ironing, (you've been warned)! Listening to it gave me a lovely warm feeling all over. The writing was good with sharp dialogue and quick witted put downs, the funny never strayed near to unkind or derogatory and there were also some exquisitely crafted moments of poignancy. Of course, you can write the funniest book in the world, but if you don't retain the services of an excellent voice actor, it won't make anyone laugh. If the essence of good comedy is timing, then I shall be setting my watch by Diana Croft, who single handedly made a good book great. If you want to brighten your day, buy a copy of Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong. You can thank me later
July 4, 2022
Half way and can’t be bothered to finish. It has funny bits but overall the main character seems like she’s going to win a Darwin Award anytime soon. Annoyingly stupid
And everyone’s called lovey 🙄
And everyone’s called lovey 🙄
May 16, 2017
Review: Handcuffs, Truncheon and a Polyester Thong by Gina Kirkham Published by: Urbane Publishing (18 May 2017)
ISBN: 978-1911331711
Source: NetGalley
Rating: 4*
Synopsis:
Meet Mavis Upton. As mummy to 7-year old Ella, surrogate to far too many pets and with a failed marriage under her belt, Mavis knows she needs to make some life-changing decisions. It's time to strike out into the world, to stand on her own two feet … to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a Police Officer. I mean, what could go wrong?
Supported by her quirky, malapropism-suffering mum, Mavis throws herself headlong into a world of uncertainty, self-discovery, fearless escapades, laughter and extra-large knickers. And using her newly discovered investigative skills, she reluctantly embarks on a search to find her errant dad who was last seen years before, making off with her mum's much needed coupon for a fabulous foam cup bra all the way from America.
Follow Mavis as she tackles everything life can throw at her, and revel in Gina Kirkham's humorous, poignant and moving story of an everyday girl who one day followed a dream.
Review:
Based on the author's experiences as a police officer, this book is funny yet touching in parts. Mavis herself is larger than life, getting herself into all sorts of mischief and is all the more likeable because of it. I'm not sure she's entirely believable, but that doesn't seem to matter one bit.
I like that we get to see both sides of Mavis - the police officer and the mum/daughter. Her interaction with her fellow officers is great, I love the banter; it's like taking a step back in time into one of the British comedies of yesteryear. The interaction with her mum is fantastic too, had me laughing out loud!
I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants a giggle, likes humorous books and likes a moving story. Thanks to Matthew at Urbane Publications and NetGalley for providing an ARC in return for my honest review.
ISBN: 978-1911331711
Source: NetGalley
Rating: 4*
Synopsis:
Meet Mavis Upton. As mummy to 7-year old Ella, surrogate to far too many pets and with a failed marriage under her belt, Mavis knows she needs to make some life-changing decisions. It's time to strike out into the world, to stand on her own two feet … to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a Police Officer. I mean, what could go wrong?
Supported by her quirky, malapropism-suffering mum, Mavis throws herself headlong into a world of uncertainty, self-discovery, fearless escapades, laughter and extra-large knickers. And using her newly discovered investigative skills, she reluctantly embarks on a search to find her errant dad who was last seen years before, making off with her mum's much needed coupon for a fabulous foam cup bra all the way from America.
Follow Mavis as she tackles everything life can throw at her, and revel in Gina Kirkham's humorous, poignant and moving story of an everyday girl who one day followed a dream.
Review:
Based on the author's experiences as a police officer, this book is funny yet touching in parts. Mavis herself is larger than life, getting herself into all sorts of mischief and is all the more likeable because of it. I'm not sure she's entirely believable, but that doesn't seem to matter one bit.
I like that we get to see both sides of Mavis - the police officer and the mum/daughter. Her interaction with her fellow officers is great, I love the banter; it's like taking a step back in time into one of the British comedies of yesteryear. The interaction with her mum is fantastic too, had me laughing out loud!
I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants a giggle, likes humorous books and likes a moving story. Thanks to Matthew at Urbane Publications and NetGalley for providing an ARC in return for my honest review.
June 8, 2017
Well first off, I want to say that from the very start of the novel I laughed out loud so many times that I was only glad that I was reading the book comfortably at home and not on public transport, otherwise I think I would have been turfed off the bus.
Meeting Mavis Upton is an absolute joy, she is feisty and funny, and filled with a tangible love for her job as a beat bobby based across the water from Liverpool. Coming late to the police service, Mavis is already a single mum to her seven year old daughter when she has an the idea to join the force. But life as a police constable is never going to be without its challenges, and although Mavis is ably assisted with child care by her mother, who, incidentally, made me smile every time she appeared on the page, juggling shift work is never going to be easy for a single mum.
Mavis seems to sail through her police training, not with incident, I may add, but it is once she is assigned to her police section that she really comes into her own. Compassionate, quirky and not always very politically correct, Mavis is one of those police officers who you would always wish to turn up whenever there was trouble.
To say more would be to spoil the effect of meeting Mavis for yourself , so I won't give anything more away, other than to heap praise on this debut author who has given us such a wonderful character, and who has brought Mavis' story to life with such gusto that I was truly sad when the book ended. I loved everything about the story, the banter and the camaraderie of a police section feels entirely realistic, which can only stem for the author's own experiences as a serving police officer.
They say that you should always write about what you know and if the author's alter ego was anything like Mavis Upton then I'm, sure she was an absolute joy to work alongside.
Meeting Mavis Upton is an absolute joy, she is feisty and funny, and filled with a tangible love for her job as a beat bobby based across the water from Liverpool. Coming late to the police service, Mavis is already a single mum to her seven year old daughter when she has an the idea to join the force. But life as a police constable is never going to be without its challenges, and although Mavis is ably assisted with child care by her mother, who, incidentally, made me smile every time she appeared on the page, juggling shift work is never going to be easy for a single mum.
Mavis seems to sail through her police training, not with incident, I may add, but it is once she is assigned to her police section that she really comes into her own. Compassionate, quirky and not always very politically correct, Mavis is one of those police officers who you would always wish to turn up whenever there was trouble.
To say more would be to spoil the effect of meeting Mavis for yourself , so I won't give anything more away, other than to heap praise on this debut author who has given us such a wonderful character, and who has brought Mavis' story to life with such gusto that I was truly sad when the book ended. I loved everything about the story, the banter and the camaraderie of a police section feels entirely realistic, which can only stem for the author's own experiences as a serving police officer.
They say that you should always write about what you know and if the author's alter ego was anything like Mavis Upton then I'm, sure she was an absolute joy to work alongside.
June 8, 2017
Mavis Upton is a woman on a mission.
Although I'm not convinced she's entirely sure what that mission actually is.
With a seven year old daughter and a life punctuated by chaos & mishaps, Mavis stumbles across the bright idea to join the police force, albeit a little later than most new recruits. With her trusty Mum on standby to look after her little girl, she throws herself fully into learning the ways of the bobby, and once through the intensive training course she is assigned to a local police station, full of well defined characters, so realistic you can actually see them in your minds eye through every cop show you saw in the 1980s. Though you might not want to sit too close to a few of them!
Obviously life doesn't get any less chaotic for Mavis once she becomes a fully fledged police officer. If anything, the opposite happens. She grows in confidence and we start to see more about the 'real' Mavis. She's big hearted, feisty, funny and most of all, a bloody good copper. My Stepdad worked in Merseyside Police the whole of my childhood and a lot of the tales that Mavis recounts and the situations she gets herself into sound very familiar. Don't dismiss this novel as all silliness & laughter though, there's a big dollop of sensitivity, a very nice dig at a so-called 'newspaper' (very unpopular on Merseyside), and some real heartwrenching elements to this book.
This is a lovely book and a great debut – it's a fab holiday read as long as you don't mind people staring at you when you're snorting cocktails out of your nose with laughter – if you do, best stick to reading it on the plane ;)
Although I'm not convinced she's entirely sure what that mission actually is.
With a seven year old daughter and a life punctuated by chaos & mishaps, Mavis stumbles across the bright idea to join the police force, albeit a little later than most new recruits. With her trusty Mum on standby to look after her little girl, she throws herself fully into learning the ways of the bobby, and once through the intensive training course she is assigned to a local police station, full of well defined characters, so realistic you can actually see them in your minds eye through every cop show you saw in the 1980s. Though you might not want to sit too close to a few of them!
Obviously life doesn't get any less chaotic for Mavis once she becomes a fully fledged police officer. If anything, the opposite happens. She grows in confidence and we start to see more about the 'real' Mavis. She's big hearted, feisty, funny and most of all, a bloody good copper. My Stepdad worked in Merseyside Police the whole of my childhood and a lot of the tales that Mavis recounts and the situations she gets herself into sound very familiar. Don't dismiss this novel as all silliness & laughter though, there's a big dollop of sensitivity, a very nice dig at a so-called 'newspaper' (very unpopular on Merseyside), and some real heartwrenching elements to this book.
This is a lovely book and a great debut – it's a fab holiday read as long as you don't mind people staring at you when you're snorting cocktails out of your nose with laughter – if you do, best stick to reading it on the plane ;)
May 6, 2017
Wow! There is so much more to this book than you could ever imagine, and you would never believe by the way it's been written, that it is a debut novel! The book follows the life of Mavis Upton and her road to becoming a police officer in the late 1980s, after an epiphany to better herself and her daughter Ella's lives.
Gina Kirkham has such a magical and natural way with words, showing a wonderful insight into the world around a fledgling police officer. One minute I was laughing out loud and the next, sobbing incessantly. I was totally carried away with the antics of Mavis and all the colourful personalities you meet along the way. Josie Upton, Mavis's mum is the stand out character throughout the book and her one true rock, always managing to put a different spin on things with her wonderful confusing way with words!
A constant stream of incidents and mishaps kept me completely entertained. Some heartfelt, some funny, some touching; whilst still expressing the serious side of policing. Without spoiling for other readers, I find myself laughing out loud when I recall storylines.
This is a truly outstanding book, one that I couldn't put down - finishing in just one sitting.
Mavis will stay with me for a very long time and I will forever smile every time I think of "nellies" or a "polyester thong".
I know this will be a best seller and i can't wait for more.
Gina Kirkham has such a magical and natural way with words, showing a wonderful insight into the world around a fledgling police officer. One minute I was laughing out loud and the next, sobbing incessantly. I was totally carried away with the antics of Mavis and all the colourful personalities you meet along the way. Josie Upton, Mavis's mum is the stand out character throughout the book and her one true rock, always managing to put a different spin on things with her wonderful confusing way with words!
A constant stream of incidents and mishaps kept me completely entertained. Some heartfelt, some funny, some touching; whilst still expressing the serious side of policing. Without spoiling for other readers, I find myself laughing out loud when I recall storylines.
This is a truly outstanding book, one that I couldn't put down - finishing in just one sitting.
Mavis will stay with me for a very long time and I will forever smile every time I think of "nellies" or a "polyester thong".
I know this will be a best seller and i can't wait for more.
May 5, 2017
i was given an ARC from NeyGalley in return for an honest review. this book was great! I loved it! I fell in love with Mave right at the beginning, she is a fantastic character. The book is hilarious and I laughed out loud throughout the whole book. It is a lovely story and well written. The supporting characters are as fun and as colorful as Mavis Upton is and I really hope there are many more adventures. Certain scenes are vividly replaying in my mind when I am trying to think what to put in this review but you just have to read it. She tries to make a better life for herself and daughter while gracefully trying to make it through some extremely interesting situations. Both in the police academy and after while on patrol, some of the most interesting and entertaining events occur. Then add in dating and her unique mother. Despute some sad parts, Mavis has the ability to carry on and go on with life. I really enjoyed reading this book and think there could be something for everyone in reading it.
June 3, 2022
This book took me totally by surprize. Frankly the title does not reflect the story within; it's not expansive enough. Mavis Upton, a thirty something, curvy, bottle blond, unsatisfied with her life, decides to follow the dream of her youth and become a cop, or in UK terms a WPC. She applies, then fe3els she has blown the interview. To her surprize ehs is accepted to the police academy. To her even greayer surprize she graduates and returns to her town, Westbury in western England. What follows is a crazy quilt of laughter, tears, heartbreak and some danger. The daily ups and downs of police work in a small town. Mavis deals with hazing, embarrassment ( she's a bit of a klutz), awards and reprimands. I laughed out loud, got all misty in places, and seriously empathised with Mavis when her Mother fell ill. This is a great book with recognisable, believable characters. Some of the situations are over the top, but still hilarious. I recommend it highly for anyone looking for a light, fun read.
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