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BFF?: The truth about female friendship
Why do some friendships last a lifetime, while others fade away?
How do you break up with a friend?
How many 'best' friends should we be aiming for?
From the time we start school, we are fed a diet of 'Best Friends Forever' - the idea that you should have a female soulmate to whom you tell all your secrets and who always has your back. It's the stuff of Hollywood films, but for most of us it isn't achievable. We spend years striving for a vision of female friendship that isn't realistic instead of searching for what suits us best or appreciating what we've already got.
BFF? is an agenda-setting, personal and humorous book that pulls back the cover on the most underappreciated relationships in our lives to interrogate what modern friendship means, why we need it and what we can do to get the most from it. Featuring interviews with brilliant women, including Emma Barnett, Pandora Sykes, Nimco Ali and Jilly Cooper - as well as the intimate friendship stories of women from all walks of life - Claire Cohen argues that, unlike romance, friendship is much harder to pin down and. And it shows how often our friendships are taken for granted.
An antidote to the idea that every woman must belong to a perfect girl gang, this book is a warm and reassuring guide to help women deepen their female friendships in ways that are meaningful and enduring.
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'It took me until my thirties to feel truly secure in my friendships - my female ones in particular. I truly believe that if I'd had a book like this when I was younger, it would have fallen into place sooner. That I'd have been happier, more trusting and able to deal with any bumps in the road.
That's why I want us all to start telling the truth about female friendship. Because if I - raised in a house full of women, the product of two all-girls schools and the women's editor of a national newspaper - found it hard to trust, open up and had convinced myself that female friends 'weren't for me', then you might not have it worked out either.'
How do you break up with a friend?
How many 'best' friends should we be aiming for?
From the time we start school, we are fed a diet of 'Best Friends Forever' - the idea that you should have a female soulmate to whom you tell all your secrets and who always has your back. It's the stuff of Hollywood films, but for most of us it isn't achievable. We spend years striving for a vision of female friendship that isn't realistic instead of searching for what suits us best or appreciating what we've already got.
BFF? is an agenda-setting, personal and humorous book that pulls back the cover on the most underappreciated relationships in our lives to interrogate what modern friendship means, why we need it and what we can do to get the most from it. Featuring interviews with brilliant women, including Emma Barnett, Pandora Sykes, Nimco Ali and Jilly Cooper - as well as the intimate friendship stories of women from all walks of life - Claire Cohen argues that, unlike romance, friendship is much harder to pin down and. And it shows how often our friendships are taken for granted.
An antidote to the idea that every woman must belong to a perfect girl gang, this book is a warm and reassuring guide to help women deepen their female friendships in ways that are meaningful and enduring.
_________________________________
'It took me until my thirties to feel truly secure in my friendships - my female ones in particular. I truly believe that if I'd had a book like this when I was younger, it would have fallen into place sooner. That I'd have been happier, more trusting and able to deal with any bumps in the road.
That's why I want us all to start telling the truth about female friendship. Because if I - raised in a house full of women, the product of two all-girls schools and the women's editor of a national newspaper - found it hard to trust, open up and had convinced myself that female friends 'weren't for me', then you might not have it worked out either.'
- GenresNonfiction
320 pages, Hardcover
Published June 23, 2022
13 people are currently reading
251 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
April 26, 2025
This book reminded me that I am allowed to be as picky as I want when it comes to friendships, after all, you wouldn’t date just anyone romantically, so why pick random friends?! This book reminded me it’s okay to cut friends off if they disrespect you, but also it’s fine to lose friends if you just grow apart. It comforted me and reminded me that so many people experience friendship in such different ways. Time, effort, chemistry, trust all contribute to friendships having a chance of success, but this book expressed how not all friendships will work despite you wanting them to, and that is such an important message for us all! This book is a beautiful book to read when you feel lost in forming new or rekindling old friendships, to find your own worth, and to not stand for half hearted friends!
“Feel the fear and do it anyway” 💕💕💕
“Feel the fear and do it anyway” 💕💕💕
September 2, 2023
Full disclosure, I didn’t actually finish this book, on account of being wildly disappointed. Having just had a friendship break down that truly upset me, I thought it might be more useful or enlightening. Unfortunately, I found the author clutching at straws to fill the pages.
The content was relevant in the way that anything is relevant if you can explain the connection, however loose it may be. And a lot of the stuff was … loose.
The author alludes to ‘Hollywood ideals’ of female friendships far too much, which, while understandable, insults the intelligence somewhat. She assumes that we are all disappointed when our friendships fail to be like ‘Friends’ or ‘Sex in the City.’ DUDE, I never even watched those shows, and I’ve never (especially growing up in a country town in Australia) been disappointed that I’m not skipping through the big city in stilettos, sharing sex stories with my giggling girl pals! 🙄
I think the subject of this book is important and not talked about enough, but I just didn’t get from the book what I wanted to, nor was I positively surprised by what I did get. The cover is misleading (like so many are) and I just didn’t find the information interesting. It had potential in the beginning, but then quickly declined (for me).
I believe the author would have been better off choosing a specific field of female friendship (for example, one friend ending the relationship/the narcissistic friend/friends for different occasions) and researched extensively on that. Instead, the book feels like an attempt to make almost everything in the world relevant to female friendship.
The content was relevant in the way that anything is relevant if you can explain the connection, however loose it may be. And a lot of the stuff was … loose.
The author alludes to ‘Hollywood ideals’ of female friendships far too much, which, while understandable, insults the intelligence somewhat. She assumes that we are all disappointed when our friendships fail to be like ‘Friends’ or ‘Sex in the City.’ DUDE, I never even watched those shows, and I’ve never (especially growing up in a country town in Australia) been disappointed that I’m not skipping through the big city in stilettos, sharing sex stories with my giggling girl pals! 🙄
I think the subject of this book is important and not talked about enough, but I just didn’t get from the book what I wanted to, nor was I positively surprised by what I did get. The cover is misleading (like so many are) and I just didn’t find the information interesting. It had potential in the beginning, but then quickly declined (for me).
I believe the author would have been better off choosing a specific field of female friendship (for example, one friend ending the relationship/the narcissistic friend/friends for different occasions) and researched extensively on that. Instead, the book feels like an attempt to make almost everything in the world relevant to female friendship.
December 4, 2024
Could have done with more suggestions on how to act as a good friend but overall amazing read. Highly recommend!
January 14, 2025
This was a nice first read of the year - 3.5/4 stars. It reads like a memoir across the author’s various stages of life and shines a light on all sorts of friendships, old and new, work and online. I like how it brought different perspectives together and peppered some stats and facts in there too. I particularly liked the notion of celebrating friendship milestones like relationship milestones too, very wholesome
May 1, 2023
Female friendship. That circle of life that has so many inevitable and upending questions throughout a woman’s life. It made me examine me.
I have friends from infants school. Class of the 70s and 80s. 40 year friends that I can call/email and know I can talk to. I’ve got almost 20 year friends from my life in Australia that are the same. I can call and if I do, they know why. I have friends I speak to little and often but we know we’re there for each other. Yet, when grieving a husband and mum, many friends left my side, unable to appreciate what was happening and how I’d changed because of it.
While this book was a good read, I’d like to have seen grief looked at it in respect of friendships. That’s a complex issue. Maybe that’s a whole new book.
I have friends from infants school. Class of the 70s and 80s. 40 year friends that I can call/email and know I can talk to. I’ve got almost 20 year friends from my life in Australia that are the same. I can call and if I do, they know why. I have friends I speak to little and often but we know we’re there for each other. Yet, when grieving a husband and mum, many friends left my side, unable to appreciate what was happening and how I’d changed because of it.
While this book was a good read, I’d like to have seen grief looked at it in respect of friendships. That’s a complex issue. Maybe that’s a whole new book.
February 21, 2023
It’s comforting to read shared stories about female friendship in an objective way - nothing particularly new or revelatory is in this book but if you’re wondering “am i alone in this feeling?” this book will show you that you’re not.
January 28, 2024
This was an insightful and interesting read, however I do wish more information would have been shared on the grief and loss of longterm friendships, one-sided friendships, narcissistic friendships, etc. Overall, I'm glad I read the book.
October 9, 2023
“Are we really destinated to go through life not paying as much attention to our friendships as we do our romantic relationships?”
Female friendships are awsome, to know someone, and be so deeply close to Them is amazing. But it is not always easy, life, Might get in the Way or our Own expectations to what a real female friendship Should look like .
In this book , in every chapter , the author takes a different myth about female friendship and dissuss it.
Based on various studies and interviews from other women and the author’s own experience with friendship we learn more about the topic.
I really enjoyed Reading this book, and to reflect on my own friendships. Although i did Think it dragged a bit in the end and was slow.
Female friendships are awsome, to know someone, and be so deeply close to Them is amazing. But it is not always easy, life, Might get in the Way or our Own expectations to what a real female friendship Should look like .
In this book , in every chapter , the author takes a different myth about female friendship and dissuss it.
Based on various studies and interviews from other women and the author’s own experience with friendship we learn more about the topic.
I really enjoyed Reading this book, and to reflect on my own friendships. Although i did Think it dragged a bit in the end and was slow.
October 31, 2022
Uneven. Some parts are insightful, but large parts of it rail against some purported 'Hollywood ideals' about female friendship which I really don't think are Hollywood ideals at all, e.g.; the supposed myth of having a best friend. The writing was oddly barbed in parts and confusingly snarky for a book about friendship.
February 22, 2024
I really enjoyed the last few chapters, especially on Family friends, Funny Friends and Old Friends.
However, I found it a bit repetitive and some of the conclusions about female friendships a little obvious. It wasn't that revelatory and it was written in a columnist style rather than more 'academic' if that makes sense. I did like it nonetheless
However, I found it a bit repetitive and some of the conclusions about female friendships a little obvious. It wasn't that revelatory and it was written in a columnist style rather than more 'academic' if that makes sense. I did like it nonetheless
December 4, 2022
This book was warm, comforting and reading it has made me a better, stronger friend.
March 1, 2023
essential
February 5, 2024
Insightful audiobook but wanted more of the so what factor.
April 24, 2024
Interesting read. Didn’t finish all of it but nice vibes
September 18, 2024
2.5 rounded down
October 15, 2025
Would have been 4 stars were it not for the tedious wokery woven into an otherwise reasonably interesting take on female friendships.
June 22, 2025
Sometimes a book leaves such an impact that you give it 5 stars months after reading. Genuinely feel a strange sense of thanks towards Cohen for putting so many unspokens in print. The insecurity, the love, the hurt, and the power of female friendships has made me feel marooned at various stages of my life - reading this felt like such a grounding moment as I near my 30s.
More than anything, this book helped me feel less alone in a lot of the shower-monologuing I've been doing over the years, and pushed me to deepen friendships I'd been insecurely hesitating on.
More than anything, this book helped me feel less alone in a lot of the shower-monologuing I've been doing over the years, and pushed me to deepen friendships I'd been insecurely hesitating on.
January 11, 2025
This book is a great starting point to start thinking more deeply about the friends we make and keep. I think by being able to put into words what I was feeling about several of my friendships, this book was a very enjoyable and introspective read for me. Cohen has done the thinking about why female friendships are the way they are, and pairing her insights and reflections with my personal experiences led me to arrive at very meaningful conclusions about my friendships.
February 26, 2024
I liked this - I hated her writing style. I found myself feeling so bored. She would write exactly how someone talks and I found myself feeling tired and irritated with the author. I did appreciate how passionate she is about the importance of female friendships and how relationships can change over time and with certain milestones (marriage, moving, babies, careers). It was good insight but really hated her writing.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews