Team Australia: A race through the history of our great nation viewed through the most important lens of all: sport

by H.G. Nelson

For more than thirty years, HG Nelson has been finding the poetry in the punt and humour during half-time. Now, he turns his keen eye for facts and folly to the illustrious history of our great nation. In his trademark fast and furious style, HG touches on the most important moments that have formed Australian society, ranging from music to war to politics to culture and far beyond. He reminds us of our leaders great sporting triumphs, from Harold Holt's swimming to John Howard's bowling; shows how Don Bradman might (MIGHT) have had a word with Churchill that turned around the war effort; and explains why Australia's reality TV is the best in the world. A History of Australia Through Sport is HG's magnum opus - an all-encompassing, no-holds-barred history of our great nation, told through the stories of our sporting highs, lows and middles.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Audiobook

294 pages, Paperback

Published March 1, 2022

Reviews

[Jennifer (JC-S) · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘Sport was once described as the most important thing of the least important things in our life. Hopefully this book proves it.’

If you are familiar with the work of Roy (‘Rampaging’ Roy Slaven) and H.G. Nelson (aka as John Doyle and Greig Pickhaver) then H.G.’s magnum opus is the book for you. If you are not familiar with Roy and HG, then not only did you miss expert commentary of the Sydney Olympics in 2000, with Fatso the Wombat, but you have also missed the best ever calls of the Rugby League State of Origin games, live from the card table. Tragic.

But in this serious real and imagined history of Australian sport, H.G Nelson takes us across the full field of Australian sporting endeavour. You may have forgotten John Howard’s bowling, but no one over the age of 60 would be unaware of Harold Holt’s swimming. I learned new things about ‘Aussie Joe’ Bugner (what a hero!) but H.G. Nelson’s memory of Sir Jack Brabham is a little different from mine. Still, that’s what history is, isn’t? Different views of the past.

H.G. doesn’t just confine himself to the past, he’s also thinking about possible sports in the future:
‘When hand-eye coordination, finger-tip keyboard skills and rapid joystick activity are the athletic tools of war today, how long before they become the basis of Olympic competition?’

As I read the book, I could see H.G. speaking the words, recounting the moments of Australian sporting triumphs and tragedies, and the bits in between.

‘A sporting nation is only limited by its imagination.’

Absolutely. And we shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously: H.G. doesn’t.

Note: My thanks to NetGalley and PanMacmillan Australia for providing me with a free electronic copy of this book for review purposes.

Jennifer Cameron-Smith

[Matt · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have officially given up on this book. Fan of HG Nelson’s comedy rambling style .. but at no point was this book even slightly amusing. The more and more it went the less content of any depth was evident. Horse racing chapter ? Skip? Golf ? Skip.
The end . Phew. Finally.

[Andrew · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unlike almost all my other reviews this entry on 'The Fairytale' by H.G. Nelson (the pseudonym and long time comic persona of Greig Pickhaver) will be short. That's because Nelson/Pickhaver's work is either going to be warmly received by any and all fans of the work he and Roy Slaven (John Doyle) produce, or rejected for the same reason. Truth be told this is a book that screams 'look at me' for the HG and Roy fans, and will almost certainly have zero, zip, nada, bugger all interest for those not into the two Aussie sporting legends. This is a book that does what it does very well indeed, however it is almost redundant to try and justify or explain why because either you'll read it because it's HG's work or you won't because it's HG's work.

That 'The Fairytale' sits rather comfortably into Nelson/Pickhaver's previous writing is not in dispute. Perhaps, and I write this from a devoted fan of HG & Roy, there is a bit of a sameness to the text, and one could argue that the content becomes rather 'one note'. Nelson/Pickhaver is a master of the circumlocution and the cliches that come with being a commentator on all things Australian sport, or more accurately someone satirising those who comment on all things related to Australian sport, and his comic prose herein is a reflection of his mastery. Yes, he makes you laugh (if you are a fan) yet one can rightly ask "Hasn't this been said and done before?".

One thing that makes 'The Fairytale' interesting is that even in the hyperbolic and surreal nature of almost every section of this book Nelson/Pickhaver captures some important truths about sport and Australian identity. For example, in his examination of State of Origin in Ruby League there are some acute observations on the absurdity of such a confected spectacle of violence that really only matters to a sub-section of Australia (i.e. many New south Welshmen and almost all Queenslanders). The same sweeping satirical gaze is cast over the Melbourne Cup, where in most recent years it has become a self-parodying wankfest for the rich, the semi-famous and the inebriated. Then there is HG's surreal but highly appropriate spray at the idea of sports rorts, and how governments have become brazen in manipulating funding for sport to their own ends and fuck the consequences. It's bloody funny, bloody smart and bloody enjoyable, assuming of course you are already on board with HG at least part of the way.

For me Nelson/Pickhaver produces some very enjoyable and highly engaging work, yet there is not quite the same level of inventiveness that his partner Roy Slaven/John Doyle offers. Nelson/Pickhaver is very much straight up and down; he writes in the style that works for him and one that meets the reader's expectations. However, if one wants to experience the duality of being in the Roy & HG universe whilst also moving outside it then it's Doyle who does things better. 'The Fairytale' is good stuff, don't get me wrong. However if you want a re imagining of Australian sport, a surrealistic challenge to its legends and its shibboleths, then read Slaven's "This is the South Coast News" books.

In conclusion, I liked "The Fairytale" however it wasn't as innovative nor as drop-dead cack your dacks funny as the Roy Slaven books. I would certainly recommend this book to HG & Roy freaks, but outside that blessed circle I suspect HG might be in the echo chamber having a spray that won't get a response.

[Steve · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found some chapters great, funny and very much like listening to Roy and HG on radio. The references to current day c 2022 personalities were the most enjoyable stories for me. Mixed in though were lots of chapters that I found a slog to get through - mainly the older historic topics. All in all it took me a few weeks to finish this book. If you’re a fan of HG and Roy you probably will like this book but maybe not love it. 3 stars for me.

[Andrew Roberts · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to enjoy this book a lot more than I did. This isn’t the first book I have read this year by an author who I enjoy listening to in person but whose voice doesn’t come across the same way via the written word. It kinda feels like this is a sketch idea that has been over-stretched into a book form.

[Dennis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sorry HG, I didn't like it, hence the 2 out of 5 score. I hated the repetitious breakouts all through the book and I found much of the humous obvious and clumsy. I have liked a lot of your radio and TV work in the past, but not this book. Not for me.

[Jacob Celermajer · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book more than I did but H.G. Just tried a little bit too hard. Too hard to be funny, too hard to be ocker, too hard to be clever. This really felt like a short sketch which was unnecessarily drawn out to the length of a full book...

[Tony]

3.5

[Mark Green · Rating 2 out of 5]

Expected more from this book. Maybe its because I'm a brit but i was always obvious to me (my bad) which parts were made up and which were real. Overall I expected it to be funnier.

[Georgie · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 ⭐️! Love Roy and HG on the radio but this book kept annoying me (grammatically) and not as funny as I expected.

[cwrigh13 · Rating 4 out of 5]

The chapter on Scott Morrison made me cry.

[Brendan Brooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the H.G. Nelson purists, I recommend the audiobook so you get the delivery, not sure how it would go with H.G.'s voice only in the mind's ear.

[Joe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous. Audiobook is brilliant fun.

[Keith Mundy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very funny book

[Darragh R · Rating 4 out of 5]

Typical HG. Funny, witty, quick. Full of nonsense.
What more could you want.

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am always happy to have HG Nelson on the radio so I enjoyed this satirical history of sport in Australia.

[Cher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant true educational i lol’d

[Geordie Cowan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bailed about a third of the way through. Read enough to get HG’s voice in my head easily enough, and was reasonably well written. But I’m just not in the mood to read this currently; so moving on.

[Greg · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a fan of Roy & HG but I didn't get a lot out of this book, possibly because I missed a lot of the jokes because I'm not totally familiar with all the sporting references.

[Douglas Mills · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have and continue to be an avid listener and fan of H.G. Nelson (Greig Pickhaver) and Rampaging Roy Slaven (John Doyle) for many years. Their irreverent but very clever humour is outstanding. Unfortunately this does not translate well to the written word. There were some funny moments, the sports rorts chapter was very good. However, overall - this book is better placed in the bargain book bin.