What do you think?
Rate this book
Boys Will Be Boys
‘Everyone’s afraid that their daughters might be hurt. No one seems to be scared that their sons might be the ones to do it … This book … is the culmination of many years of writing about power, abuse, privilege, male entitlement and rape culture. After all that, here’s what I’ve learned: we should be f*cking terrified.’ Clementine Ford, from the introduction
Fearless feminist heroine Clementine Ford is a beacon of hope and inspiration to hundreds of thousands of Australian women and girls. Her incendiary first book, Fight Like A Girl, is taking the world by storm, galvanising women to demand and fight for real equality and not merely the illusion of it.
Now Boys Will Be Boys examines what needs to change for that equality to become a reality. It answers the question most asked of Clementine: ‘How do I raise my son to respect women and give them equal space in the world? How do I make sure he’s a supporter and not a perpetrator?’
All boys start out innocent and tender, but by the time they are adolescents many of them will subscribe to a view of masculinity that is openly contemptuous of women and girls. Our world conditions boys into entitlement, privilege and power at the expense not just of girls’ humanity but also of their own.
Ford demolishes the age-old assumption that superiority and aggression are natural realms for boys, and demonstrates how toxic masculinity creates a disturbingly limited and potentially dangerous idea of what it is to be a man. Crucially, Boys Will Be Boys reveals how the patriarchy we live in is as harmful to boys and men as it is to women and girls, and asks what we have to do to reverse that damage. The world needs to change and this book shows the way.
Fearless feminist heroine Clementine Ford is a beacon of hope and inspiration to hundreds of thousands of Australian women and girls. Her incendiary first book, Fight Like A Girl, is taking the world by storm, galvanising women to demand and fight for real equality and not merely the illusion of it.
Now Boys Will Be Boys examines what needs to change for that equality to become a reality. It answers the question most asked of Clementine: ‘How do I raise my son to respect women and give them equal space in the world? How do I make sure he’s a supporter and not a perpetrator?’
All boys start out innocent and tender, but by the time they are adolescents many of them will subscribe to a view of masculinity that is openly contemptuous of women and girls. Our world conditions boys into entitlement, privilege and power at the expense not just of girls’ humanity but also of their own.
Ford demolishes the age-old assumption that superiority and aggression are natural realms for boys, and demonstrates how toxic masculinity creates a disturbingly limited and potentially dangerous idea of what it is to be a man. Crucially, Boys Will Be Boys reveals how the patriarchy we live in is as harmful to boys and men as it is to women and girls, and asks what we have to do to reverse that damage. The world needs to change and this book shows the way.
Mass Market Paperback
First published October 1, 2018
461 people are currently reading
8106 people want to read
About the author
Clementine Ford
8 books861 followersClementine Ford is a freelance writer, broadcaster and public speaker based in Melbourne. She writes on feminism, pop culture and social issues.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 480 reviews
October 8, 2018
I finished this last night and resisted a deep urge to put it down and scream.
This morning I turned on the tv and Trump was gloating about how flawless Brett Kavanaugh is and how all the allegations against him are fabrications.
Last week, in Australia, six women were murdered in five days.
Two days ago Alan Jones threatened to get Louise Herron fired because she wouldn't do what he wanted. Which was to project a light show of a horse race on the Sydney Opera House. (He screams at her during the on air interview "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!" well Alan, she's far more qualified than you to decide what gets projected on the Sydney Opera House.)
Sometimes I have to tell myself that I don't actually hate men (though sometimes I really do) I just hate the culture of men. But it's hard to focus on that in a world that is so dead set on showing how little regard it has for women at every single moment. Some needles are found in some strawberries and suddenly we have new laws around food tampering. There's two shark attacks in Queensland and there's shark nets put up and talk of culling. Six women murdered in five days? Crickets.
Boys Will Be Boys is a rollercoaster of emotions. Rage. Oh yeah, there's a tonne of rage. A dash of fury. Some deep unbridled anger. But there's despair. Resignation. Horror. Tittering at the ridiculousness of some male posturing. All out laughter at the framing of ingrained social fads. (Seriously. Does anyone want to explain gender reveal parties to me? Like.) And frustration. So much bloody frustration. Frustration at the persisting myth that women for some bizarre reason make allegations of sexual assault/rape/sexual misconduct specifically to ruin "good men's" lives. Frustration at taking the time to calmly and concisely explain what rape culture entails only to have a man cry "rape culture doesn't exist! we punish rapists!". Frustration at the derailment of conversations around male violence that are met with repeated comments of ~not all men~. Frustration at the way men feel the need to explain women's own experiences with sexual violence to them, notorious mansplainer Matt Damon is highlighted in that regard.
Boys Will Be Boys is a book that should be on the school curriculum, for both the benefit of girls and boys. So that girls are more aware of the world that they are growing up in (though at this book points out they are more than likely already well on their way to understanding just what their expected position in the world is) and so that boys can maybe, just maybe... be slightly more aware of their behaviour before they actually become men. But can you imagine the outrage? Men across the world would be FURIOUS. Clementine Ford is a raging MISANDRIST. She wants to KILL ALL MEN. She's building a cannon to fire them ALL INTO THE SUN!! It's funny how men are constantly telling women that we don't know how to take a joke but have you ever made a joke at a man's expense? Oh boy. The cognitive dissonance is UNBELIEVABLE.
Over twelve chapters Clementine takes on statistics, truth and fact beside persistent myths and reactions. It's a horrifying insight into what women think about every day. When they decide what to wear, wear they are going, how they are going to get there, if they plan to exercise in the morning, or if they are going to drink, will I be safe? Will I be safe? Will I be safe?
I've focused mostly on the woman perspective because it's honestly what pertains to me most but there is great insight on male mental health in this book as well, though it is only light touched on, it's touched on none the less. The toxic bonds of society acceptable masculinity and the allowed ways to express it that drives men to isolate themselves emotionally that surely has some connection to the high rates of suicide among men.
I can't recommend this book enough. I know this review isn't coherent. I have so many thoughts in my head that it's hard to organise them into some sort of readable content. But honestly. You need to read this book. You need to buy it for your teenage daughter. Your teenage son.
It deserves to be read.
This morning I turned on the tv and Trump was gloating about how flawless Brett Kavanaugh is and how all the allegations against him are fabrications.
Last week, in Australia, six women were murdered in five days.
Two days ago Alan Jones threatened to get Louise Herron fired because she wouldn't do what he wanted. Which was to project a light show of a horse race on the Sydney Opera House. (He screams at her during the on air interview "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!" well Alan, she's far more qualified than you to decide what gets projected on the Sydney Opera House.)
Sometimes I have to tell myself that I don't actually hate men (though sometimes I really do) I just hate the culture of men. But it's hard to focus on that in a world that is so dead set on showing how little regard it has for women at every single moment. Some needles are found in some strawberries and suddenly we have new laws around food tampering. There's two shark attacks in Queensland and there's shark nets put up and talk of culling. Six women murdered in five days? Crickets.
Boys Will Be Boys is a rollercoaster of emotions. Rage. Oh yeah, there's a tonne of rage. A dash of fury. Some deep unbridled anger. But there's despair. Resignation. Horror. Tittering at the ridiculousness of some male posturing. All out laughter at the framing of ingrained social fads. (Seriously. Does anyone want to explain gender reveal parties to me? Like.) And frustration. So much bloody frustration. Frustration at the persisting myth that women for some bizarre reason make allegations of sexual assault/rape/sexual misconduct specifically to ruin "good men's" lives. Frustration at taking the time to calmly and concisely explain what rape culture entails only to have a man cry "rape culture doesn't exist! we punish rapists!". Frustration at the derailment of conversations around male violence that are met with repeated comments of ~not all men~. Frustration at the way men feel the need to explain women's own experiences with sexual violence to them, notorious mansplainer Matt Damon is highlighted in that regard.
Boys Will Be Boys is a book that should be on the school curriculum, for both the benefit of girls and boys. So that girls are more aware of the world that they are growing up in (though at this book points out they are more than likely already well on their way to understanding just what their expected position in the world is) and so that boys can maybe, just maybe... be slightly more aware of their behaviour before they actually become men. But can you imagine the outrage? Men across the world would be FURIOUS. Clementine Ford is a raging MISANDRIST. She wants to KILL ALL MEN. She's building a cannon to fire them ALL INTO THE SUN!! It's funny how men are constantly telling women that we don't know how to take a joke but have you ever made a joke at a man's expense? Oh boy. The cognitive dissonance is UNBELIEVABLE.
Over twelve chapters Clementine takes on statistics, truth and fact beside persistent myths and reactions. It's a horrifying insight into what women think about every day. When they decide what to wear, wear they are going, how they are going to get there, if they plan to exercise in the morning, or if they are going to drink, will I be safe? Will I be safe? Will I be safe?
I've focused mostly on the woman perspective because it's honestly what pertains to me most but there is great insight on male mental health in this book as well, though it is only light touched on, it's touched on none the less. The toxic bonds of society acceptable masculinity and the allowed ways to express it that drives men to isolate themselves emotionally that surely has some connection to the high rates of suicide among men.
I can't recommend this book enough. I know this review isn't coherent. I have so many thoughts in my head that it's hard to organise them into some sort of readable content. But honestly. You need to read this book. You need to buy it for your teenage daughter. Your teenage son.
It deserves to be read.
January 24, 2019
This work is basically an extended opinion piece focusing on contemporary media stories of rape and #metoo, punctuated with feminist theories on rape culture and toxic masculinity; which Ford perceives she's explaining in a feminist context, yet is actually reinforcing the heteropatriachial concepts of what it means to be a good moral man. There's nothing in this work which legitimately deconstructs hegemonic masculinity or heteronormativity. If there was, Ford would be strongly critiquing how heterosexual women are complicit in conditioning and reinforcing hegemonic masculinity in young men. It's not men who have been raised by other men with fraternal bonds who become the worse misogynists and most violent, it's men who have been raised under the conditioning of heteropatriachial parents (particularly mothers) who want their boy to be the chivalrous, stoic, civic minded white knight alpha football captain, who is desired by women and envied by men. It's boys who are raised with this conditioning who'll resort to anti-social and destructive bonding in search of connection, attention and intimacy due to their struggle to articulate these needs as an essential part of their humanity. Also there's no robust research into scientific facts of gender, male sexuality, male homo-socialisation to back up the Ford's claims and this weakens her argument. If you're looking for a sensationalist polemic quick read suited for an airport lounge or if you're a male feminist who wants something to base your pontificating on, this would be a good choice.
Want to read
August 24, 2018I'm so excited to read this...which is strange because I will be furious
August 9, 2019
Boys Will Be Boys is an exploration of the rise of toxic masculinity and Ford's infuriation at the fact that it is not being addressed as an issue in modern society. Her words are literally FIRE and you can see how passionate she feels about this topic. It's incredibly thorough and well researched but can be a little dry in places, so if you don't have a deep interest in the subject it may not be for you. That said, I was engrossed throughout and thought the discussion and points made were solid and credible. Sadly, we see examples of inequality of the sexes everywhere; males often get paid more than women despite doing the same job and societal standards are different based on whether you are male or female. Rape culture, rampant homophobia and the #metoo movement are also part of toxic masculinity.
The author uses case studies from all around the world to back up her words, which I found fascinating, and it's an engaging and very intriguing read. I loved that Ms Ford uses plenty of sarcastic humour to break up the heavy topic, and it worked very well. This is an important book that everyone should read as it approaches toxic masculinity by discussing a broad set of issues and is the best book I've picked up on the subject so far. I also appreciated the glossary at the beginning as it introduces the reader to words that will recur throughout and allows those who have no previous knowledge of the subject to immerse themselves fully within its pages. It's high time boys were brought up to be better and for society to treat men and women as equals. Many thanks to Oneworld Publications for an ARC.
The author uses case studies from all around the world to back up her words, which I found fascinating, and it's an engaging and very intriguing read. I loved that Ms Ford uses plenty of sarcastic humour to break up the heavy topic, and it worked very well. This is an important book that everyone should read as it approaches toxic masculinity by discussing a broad set of issues and is the best book I've picked up on the subject so far. I also appreciated the glossary at the beginning as it introduces the reader to words that will recur throughout and allows those who have no previous knowledge of the subject to immerse themselves fully within its pages. It's high time boys were brought up to be better and for society to treat men and women as equals. Many thanks to Oneworld Publications for an ARC.
June 28, 2023
It's not the first book of this kind I've read and I had the same feeling: while it being non fiction with everything being truth and not fiction, it's really terrifying, even more then most actual horror books I've read. The big main reason being this is is facts and not fiction.
This is heavy with triggers and touches on a lot of subjects I've heard or read about before butndo still recommend the book.
This is heavy with triggers and touches on a lot of subjects I've heard or read about before butndo still recommend the book.
October 19, 2018
I will support feminist literature past my dying breath, which is why I was so conflicted about rating this three stars.
Feminist authors deserve more. They always will.
It's always an uphill battle and a ceaseless, near-impossible task. Every woman, POC, or LGBTQIA+ friend will know this struggle. Some of us are all three. Every time another person contributes - and in such a meaningful way - to this discussion, we get better. And for that, we can only praise them. My concerns are only in terms of objective, literary senses. These issues alone made this book difficult to read, and, at times, slightly irritating.
Nonetheless, I still have 35+ tabs in this book, every one a scathing quote from Ford; another apt analysis at one of the darkest elements of our society.
I think if you're a man who is curious about what most feminist women think about lad culture, the world as women live in it and the overall impression boys leave on girls? This is a great introduction. You'll probably feel sickened (if you're self-reflective) or defensive. Both are okay. You're learning.
Whilst approaching feminism from this angle - as in, tackling "men's issues" - is not necessarily original, it certainly isn't accessible, with the vast majority being dense, academic works. For that, I think Ford is doing many people a great service by making this discussion accessible; I read this in three days, it's just that easy to read. I would definitely recommend this as a gift for an 'intro-to-feminism', given its tone, but also a broad look at subject matter (but I'd follow it up with a bell hooks, because you can't get much better than bell hooks).
This book is filled with well-researched examples and real-life situations. I'm sure this is, in part, a preventative measure against 'give me a real situation' kind of meninist backlash, but it sheds light on some situations that have been either overlooked or forgotten about (given their frequency, it's easy to do). Some of these made me seethe with rage that I had to put the book down. That's usually the case with non-fiction feminism; I remember how shitty the world is, once again. But that's partly why this book is so good. It's filled with both anecdotal but also international news or academic studies which prove - yes, really prove - the fact we have a major gender problem. I can already hear the war cries of men's rights activists (I refuse to capitalise such a 'group').
There were times, in certain chapters, especially toward the end, where the sheer number of examples became repetitive and dulled their effect. At times, also, Ford was inconsistent in her approach; sometimes commentating on situations, sometimes just straight reporting them. Given it was a fairly casual tone, the former would've been a better overall structure, but neither were used with any consistency, so it was hard to tell what she was going for.
One major issue I had were the tangential habits. Really, this relates to my last point, but I felt it was more vague and overall than just the examples Ford uses. There were multiple occasions it just felt like an editor had read through it once, and that was that. Some (totally justified) opinions were drawn out over a page or two, when they could've easily been condensed down into a single paragraph, whilst still packing a punch. The chapter 'A woman's place', for example, could've been condensed quite significantly. Its' effect wouldn't have been dulled; I reckon it would've been stronger if the prose were tighter and had more direction. Maybe that is just me, but I felt that the structure lacked.
I think the premie of the book in decoding or explaining 'power, patriarchy and the toxic bonds of mateship' is... somewhat inaccurate? If you'd like a book that truly, academically dissects masculinity, look no further than 'The Will to Change' by bell hooks. I do think books like Ford's have a place - literature like this needs to be accessible - but again, the structure made the messages wishy-washy and drawn out. It doesn't really explain the effect on boys, but rather, what boys do to girls as a result of their socialisation. So, in that sense, it doesn't really focus on the topic at hand, so I can see why people wouldn't like it or consider it well-written (another reason I may give it 3 stars in the future). Again. If you want something that would truly explain that, bell hooks. She's always the answer here.
Unlike hooks, Ford never provides a 'solution' or way forward, which is why I wouldn't categorise this as revolutionary or 'mind-blowing' feminism. I can understand the 'social commentary' aspect in this regard.
Regardless. That's all semantics. Perhaps, if there is a revised edition in the future, these errors will be null in void, but until then, this is another valuable contribution to a difficult and ongoing discussion. Applause for Ford for continuing on, however much of a hellscape this world is.
Feminist authors deserve more. They always will.
It's always an uphill battle and a ceaseless, near-impossible task. Every woman, POC, or LGBTQIA+ friend will know this struggle. Some of us are all three. Every time another person contributes - and in such a meaningful way - to this discussion, we get better. And for that, we can only praise them. My concerns are only in terms of objective, literary senses. These issues alone made this book difficult to read, and, at times, slightly irritating.
Nonetheless, I still have 35+ tabs in this book, every one a scathing quote from Ford; another apt analysis at one of the darkest elements of our society.
I think if you're a man who is curious about what most feminist women think about lad culture, the world as women live in it and the overall impression boys leave on girls? This is a great introduction. You'll probably feel sickened (if you're self-reflective) or defensive. Both are okay. You're learning.
Whilst approaching feminism from this angle - as in, tackling "men's issues" - is not necessarily original, it certainly isn't accessible, with the vast majority being dense, academic works. For that, I think Ford is doing many people a great service by making this discussion accessible; I read this in three days, it's just that easy to read. I would definitely recommend this as a gift for an 'intro-to-feminism', given its tone, but also a broad look at subject matter (but I'd follow it up with a bell hooks, because you can't get much better than bell hooks).
This book is filled with well-researched examples and real-life situations. I'm sure this is, in part, a preventative measure against 'give me a real situation' kind of meninist backlash, but it sheds light on some situations that have been either overlooked or forgotten about (given their frequency, it's easy to do). Some of these made me seethe with rage that I had to put the book down. That's usually the case with non-fiction feminism; I remember how shitty the world is, once again. But that's partly why this book is so good. It's filled with both anecdotal but also international news or academic studies which prove - yes, really prove - the fact we have a major gender problem. I can already hear the war cries of men's rights activists (I refuse to capitalise such a 'group').
There were times, in certain chapters, especially toward the end, where the sheer number of examples became repetitive and dulled their effect. At times, also, Ford was inconsistent in her approach; sometimes commentating on situations, sometimes just straight reporting them. Given it was a fairly casual tone, the former would've been a better overall structure, but neither were used with any consistency, so it was hard to tell what she was going for.
One major issue I had were the tangential habits. Really, this relates to my last point, but I felt it was more vague and overall than just the examples Ford uses. There were multiple occasions it just felt like an editor had read through it once, and that was that. Some (totally justified) opinions were drawn out over a page or two, when they could've easily been condensed down into a single paragraph, whilst still packing a punch. The chapter 'A woman's place', for example, could've been condensed quite significantly. Its' effect wouldn't have been dulled; I reckon it would've been stronger if the prose were tighter and had more direction. Maybe that is just me, but I felt that the structure lacked.
I think the premie of the book in decoding or explaining 'power, patriarchy and the toxic bonds of mateship' is... somewhat inaccurate? If you'd like a book that truly, academically dissects masculinity, look no further than 'The Will to Change' by bell hooks. I do think books like Ford's have a place - literature like this needs to be accessible - but again, the structure made the messages wishy-washy and drawn out. It doesn't really explain the effect on boys, but rather, what boys do to girls as a result of their socialisation. So, in that sense, it doesn't really focus on the topic at hand, so I can see why people wouldn't like it or consider it well-written (another reason I may give it 3 stars in the future). Again. If you want something that would truly explain that, bell hooks. She's always the answer here.
Unlike hooks, Ford never provides a 'solution' or way forward, which is why I wouldn't categorise this as revolutionary or 'mind-blowing' feminism. I can understand the 'social commentary' aspect in this regard.
Regardless. That's all semantics. Perhaps, if there is a revised edition in the future, these errors will be null in void, but until then, this is another valuable contribution to a difficult and ongoing discussion. Applause for Ford for continuing on, however much of a hellscape this world is.
June 9, 2019
I have been raving about Fight Like a Girl ever since i have read it . If anyone asks for a feminist recommendation , i would undoubtedly suggest that one for it offers a great introduction to feminism.
This time , however , I will be adding Boys Will Be Boys to my list of recommendations . Have you finished reading Fight Like A girl ? Great. Now pick Boys Will Be Boys .
We (feminists) have always been vocal about the various instruments of patriarchy and how they adversely impact , shape , mark and sometimes ( if not always) damage women's lives . In this regard , Clementine argues and provides a confronting insight into the damaging affects that patriarchy has not only on girls but also on boys.
I had to pause on numerous occasions and reflect on various chapters and themes .
This book as much as it will make you think , it will also fill you with rage , boil your blood and break your heart in so many ways all at the same time .
My favourite part was the part that made me cry the most ; her letter to her son . How will I be raising my child , boy or girl , in such a cruel world ?
Everyone should read this book . Read it , discuss it with a friend and recommend it to every male-friend you have . Change needs to happen and it surely needs both of us .
Thank you again Clem , you never cease to impress and inspire me .
This time , however , I will be adding Boys Will Be Boys to my list of recommendations . Have you finished reading Fight Like A girl ? Great. Now pick Boys Will Be Boys .
We (feminists) have always been vocal about the various instruments of patriarchy and how they adversely impact , shape , mark and sometimes ( if not always) damage women's lives . In this regard , Clementine argues and provides a confronting insight into the damaging affects that patriarchy has not only on girls but also on boys.
I had to pause on numerous occasions and reflect on various chapters and themes .
This book as much as it will make you think , it will also fill you with rage , boil your blood and break your heart in so many ways all at the same time .
My favourite part was the part that made me cry the most ; her letter to her son . How will I be raising my child , boy or girl , in such a cruel world ?
Everyone should read this book . Read it , discuss it with a friend and recommend it to every male-friend you have . Change needs to happen and it surely needs both of us .
Thank you again Clem , you never cease to impress and inspire me .
March 19, 2022
i have a lot of thoughts about this book. RTC
—————
wow. this book was so good. clementine ford is brutally honest, detailing the history, impact, and dangers of the patriarchy and toxic masculinity. she discusses how pervasive those things are in our society in a way that does not try to sugar-coat or downplay it.
this book is long, but it never felt like it dragged on. it was dynamic and interesting, providing the reader with a bunch of information and sources on the topics.
usually it does not take me this long to finish a book, but i really tried to take my time with this one. there were many moments that i re-read it paused in the middle of a paragraph to process what i had read.
there were many moments that were upsetting, especially the ones that detailed some absolutely heinous crimes. at points i was angry, upset, or thoughtful. or all three. basically, i experienced a rollercoaster of emotions when reading this book.
despite the serious topics discussed in this book, ford is able to imbue it with a great sense of humour that made the it all the more interesting to read. i’d recommend anyone read this book and i will definitely be reading fight like a girl by clementine ford in the future.
4/5 stars
—————
wow. this book was so good. clementine ford is brutally honest, detailing the history, impact, and dangers of the patriarchy and toxic masculinity. she discusses how pervasive those things are in our society in a way that does not try to sugar-coat or downplay it.
this book is long, but it never felt like it dragged on. it was dynamic and interesting, providing the reader with a bunch of information and sources on the topics.
usually it does not take me this long to finish a book, but i really tried to take my time with this one. there were many moments that i re-read it paused in the middle of a paragraph to process what i had read.
there were many moments that were upsetting, especially the ones that detailed some absolutely heinous crimes. at points i was angry, upset, or thoughtful. or all three. basically, i experienced a rollercoaster of emotions when reading this book.
despite the serious topics discussed in this book, ford is able to imbue it with a great sense of humour that made the it all the more interesting to read. i’d recommend anyone read this book and i will definitely be reading fight like a girl by clementine ford in the future.
4/5 stars
November 1, 2018
If you are new to feminism, I think this book would be an explosive and galvanising read. But if you have read and thought and talked a lot about gender issues already, I don’t think you will get a lot out of this book. I was hoping for something a little more new and original.
October 3, 2018
Clementine Ford’s first book, Fight Like a Girl was her bestselling memoir on growing up in a man’s world and how it shaped her writings on feminism.
Boys Will Be Boys is her follow up book on power, patriarchy and the toxic bonds of mateship. It’s written in the same easy-to-read style. Fewer personal anecdotes but plenty of real-world examples you’ll recognise from recent years and a whole bunch of (very alarming) data you may not.
If Fight Like a Girl was about the fight for women to shrug off the shackles of the patriarchy, Boys Will be Boys is the same thing, but for both boys AND girls.
You can’t be it if you can’t see it
I started reading this book the same week I went to a women’s leadership summit where there was a lot of talk about unconscious bias. We’ve all heard the phrase, ‘You can’t be it if you can’t see it.’
If you only see male doctors you assume all doctors are male so it doesn’t occur to you, as a little girl, that you could grow up and become a doctor.
If you don’t see other women standing up and saying #metoo you’ll continue to internalise the workplace harassment you experience and shrug it off as ‘just the way the world is.’
Boys: the next focus of feminism?
You’ll hear some men push back against feminism in part because they think it’s trying to take away power from men. To emasculate them. To make them more… girly (aka powerless).
As a mother of two boys, I’ve thought for some time that the next frontier of feminism is the fight not to MAKE boys do ‘girl things’, but ALLOW boys to be themselves. To create a society where it’s safe for boys to like pink, hug each other and dance like nobody’s watching.
This includes things like allowing them to be involved in the magic (and massively hard work) that is child-rearing; and allowing them to take off the shackles of needing to be the main breadwinner.
Boys Will Be Boys does just that – picks apart all the ways that boys are pigeonholed, and damaged, by the patriarchal society we live in.
Patriarchy harms boys as well as girls
A lot of what Clementine Ford touches on in Boys Will Be Boys is not news to me personally. But it does give wonderful clarity to many ideas and concepts in her very accessible writing style. And it does help to read it and confirm for yourself that no, you’re not going mad, this is really a thing.
The anti-feminist movement really is fighting to preserve a system that disadvantages boys as well as girls.
Times are changing (albeit slowly)
I think things are changing. Slowly, but they are. More men – even in senior positions – are working part-time so they can care for their pre-school children while their partner goes back to work.
My husband didn’t work part-time but he did arrange a regular RDO on a weekday (he worked a weekend day to make up for it). He cared for our youngest son and did school drop offs and pick ups while I increased my working hours.
I love that my sons see this. It’s normal for them that Dad volunteers at school as well as Mum, that Dad is the one who does the ironing and changes the sheets and towels every week while Mum does the clothes washing and coordinates the food shopping and meal preparation.
If they can see it, hopefully it will make it easier for them to be it.
Boys Will Be Boys is her follow up book on power, patriarchy and the toxic bonds of mateship. It’s written in the same easy-to-read style. Fewer personal anecdotes but plenty of real-world examples you’ll recognise from recent years and a whole bunch of (very alarming) data you may not.
If Fight Like a Girl was about the fight for women to shrug off the shackles of the patriarchy, Boys Will be Boys is the same thing, but for both boys AND girls.
You can’t be it if you can’t see it
I started reading this book the same week I went to a women’s leadership summit where there was a lot of talk about unconscious bias. We’ve all heard the phrase, ‘You can’t be it if you can’t see it.’
If you only see male doctors you assume all doctors are male so it doesn’t occur to you, as a little girl, that you could grow up and become a doctor.
If you don’t see other women standing up and saying #metoo you’ll continue to internalise the workplace harassment you experience and shrug it off as ‘just the way the world is.’
Boys: the next focus of feminism?
You’ll hear some men push back against feminism in part because they think it’s trying to take away power from men. To emasculate them. To make them more… girly (aka powerless).
As a mother of two boys, I’ve thought for some time that the next frontier of feminism is the fight not to MAKE boys do ‘girl things’, but ALLOW boys to be themselves. To create a society where it’s safe for boys to like pink, hug each other and dance like nobody’s watching.
This includes things like allowing them to be involved in the magic (and massively hard work) that is child-rearing; and allowing them to take off the shackles of needing to be the main breadwinner.
Boys Will Be Boys does just that – picks apart all the ways that boys are pigeonholed, and damaged, by the patriarchal society we live in.
Patriarchy harms boys as well as girls
A lot of what Clementine Ford touches on in Boys Will Be Boys is not news to me personally. But it does give wonderful clarity to many ideas and concepts in her very accessible writing style. And it does help to read it and confirm for yourself that no, you’re not going mad, this is really a thing.
The anti-feminist movement really is fighting to preserve a system that disadvantages boys as well as girls.
Times are changing (albeit slowly)
I think things are changing. Slowly, but they are. More men – even in senior positions – are working part-time so they can care for their pre-school children while their partner goes back to work.
My husband didn’t work part-time but he did arrange a regular RDO on a weekday (he worked a weekend day to make up for it). He cared for our youngest son and did school drop offs and pick ups while I increased my working hours.
I love that my sons see this. It’s normal for them that Dad volunteers at school as well as Mum, that Dad is the one who does the ironing and changes the sheets and towels every week while Mum does the clothes washing and coordinates the food shopping and meal preparation.
If they can see it, hopefully it will make it easier for them to be it.
April 29, 2019
This book was a huge, huge disappointment. As has already been said in other reviews, this is simply a long form opinion piece. It’s full of lazy anecdotes (often using online forums, Youtube comments and the like as sources), hypotheticals and arguments against a misogynistic MRA caricatures.
Most, if not all, people that pick up this book don’t need three chapters explaining why Milo Yiannopoulos, Donald Trump, Tony Abbott, Barnaby Joyce, etc. etc. are terrible people. We also neither need nor care about the hundreds of online fights Ms Ford finds herself in. What I found absolutely baffling was Ms Ford’s circular reasoning and how often she blatantly contradicts herself. A prime example of this is her entire chapter explaining that “rape is never funny,” which is absolutely correct, but in that very chapter she brushes aside her multiple tweets declaring “ALL MEN MUST DIE” as “clearly satire” not to be taken seriously. Ford doesn’t realise she and the likes of “shock jock” Yiannopolous are simply two sides of the same coin.
Above all else, what makes this book truly painful is Ford’s constant swearing and childish name calling. She chastises men’s rights activists for abusing her, then refers to them throughout the book as “sh*tlords.” I won’t even get started on the constant capitals, overuse of exclamation marks and faux outrage. Ford’s writing and communication is extremely abrasive and she knows it (in one chapter saying something like “some men reading this might be offended, we don’t care, this isn’t about you”), it’s supposed to be cool, funny and “edgy” but it comes off as exhausting and juvenile.
“Fearless feminist heroine Clementine Ford is a beacon of hope and inspiration to hundreds of thousands of Australian women and girls.” Ford is neither a heroine nor a beacon of hope, women (and men) all over the world deserve better.
Most, if not all, people that pick up this book don’t need three chapters explaining why Milo Yiannopoulos, Donald Trump, Tony Abbott, Barnaby Joyce, etc. etc. are terrible people. We also neither need nor care about the hundreds of online fights Ms Ford finds herself in. What I found absolutely baffling was Ms Ford’s circular reasoning and how often she blatantly contradicts herself. A prime example of this is her entire chapter explaining that “rape is never funny,” which is absolutely correct, but in that very chapter she brushes aside her multiple tweets declaring “ALL MEN MUST DIE” as “clearly satire” not to be taken seriously. Ford doesn’t realise she and the likes of “shock jock” Yiannopolous are simply two sides of the same coin.
Above all else, what makes this book truly painful is Ford’s constant swearing and childish name calling. She chastises men’s rights activists for abusing her, then refers to them throughout the book as “sh*tlords.” I won’t even get started on the constant capitals, overuse of exclamation marks and faux outrage. Ford’s writing and communication is extremely abrasive and she knows it (in one chapter saying something like “some men reading this might be offended, we don’t care, this isn’t about you”), it’s supposed to be cool, funny and “edgy” but it comes off as exhausting and juvenile.
“Fearless feminist heroine Clementine Ford is a beacon of hope and inspiration to hundreds of thousands of Australian women and girls.” Ford is neither a heroine nor a beacon of hope, women (and men) all over the world deserve better.
April 29, 2020
Great read and one I am thrilled I listened to as an audiobook. Clementine Ford narrates her own work and is perfectly sarcastic and serious at alternating times. She hammers her points home with poignant examples and anecdotes. There are some powerful passages where she discusses a world without toxic masculinity, the kind of world she would like for her son.
Very glad I read this, it'll be a good one to go back to at another time. Highly recommend!
Very glad I read this, it'll be a good one to go back to at another time. Highly recommend!
August 17, 2019
This is my first foray into Clementine Ford’s work. I enjoyed the book generally but honestly was expecting a lot more. The book is pegged as being all about how to raise a son to be an advocate of gender equity, and not a victim of toxic masculinity.
I felt only the first 1-2 chapters dealt with this - and did so extremely well. Once I got past the first chapters, the book was simply delving into and explaining all the aspects of toxic masculinity and rape culture that pervade our world. Which to me felt like preaching to the converted. And it just made me incredibly despondent (and angry) to read chapters where she examined a whole lot of sexual assault cases or listed out celebrity males whose careers have thrived despite sexual assault they’ve perpetrated. Sadly, the readers who need these things laid out for them in such a comprehensive way are, honestly, not the ones picking up Clementine Ford’s books.
I also felt the tone became quite tiring after a few chapters. It was just a lot of information being thrown at the reader without the extrapolation I was hoping for, examining ‘So what can we do about this as an individual and as a parent of boys?’. Where she did genuinely go into answering that question I thoroughly enjoyed the book - such as the chapters on pregnancy/babies, sexuality, and porn and raising children to be critical consumers of content. I also really enjoyed the chapters on comedy and on the female voice in the public sphere (e.g. politics), and the Not All Men chapter which looks at the different types of Not All Men men.
Overall this book is good, but I think it misses the mark for the target audience.
I felt only the first 1-2 chapters dealt with this - and did so extremely well. Once I got past the first chapters, the book was simply delving into and explaining all the aspects of toxic masculinity and rape culture that pervade our world. Which to me felt like preaching to the converted. And it just made me incredibly despondent (and angry) to read chapters where she examined a whole lot of sexual assault cases or listed out celebrity males whose careers have thrived despite sexual assault they’ve perpetrated. Sadly, the readers who need these things laid out for them in such a comprehensive way are, honestly, not the ones picking up Clementine Ford’s books.
I also felt the tone became quite tiring after a few chapters. It was just a lot of information being thrown at the reader without the extrapolation I was hoping for, examining ‘So what can we do about this as an individual and as a parent of boys?’. Where she did genuinely go into answering that question I thoroughly enjoyed the book - such as the chapters on pregnancy/babies, sexuality, and porn and raising children to be critical consumers of content. I also really enjoyed the chapters on comedy and on the female voice in the public sphere (e.g. politics), and the Not All Men chapter which looks at the different types of Not All Men men.
Overall this book is good, but I think it misses the mark for the target audience.
February 27, 2019
Not the for faint of heart, she launches at you with strong opinion from the first sentence. It is sweary well thought out and properly angry. Crikey I freakin loved it but she is writing about such distasteful stuff, the horrific behaviour of men in so many instances towards women, that it made me seethe with rage at times. It is a no holds barred commentary on what men do to women as a matter of course, but which is behaviour which puts women down, keeps them in their places and makes jokes of and belittles those who might behave properly and well. I love that she tears apart Hollywood. Her lists at the end of the impact on men who have been accused and in many cases, proven to have harassed, raped and been appalling to the women they have worked with, is just shocking. I write this on a day when R. Kelly has been in court arguing is innocence against overwhelming evidence of his toxic behaviour.
I loved the tone, my mouth was open at the horrific scenes Clementine Ford discusses and I intend to read more. And I'll be sending a copy to my daughters! This has tender and funny moments amongst the outrage and that is what keeps it grounded. I've bought a copy for my all boys school!
I loved the tone, my mouth was open at the horrific scenes Clementine Ford discusses and I intend to read more. And I'll be sending a copy to my daughters! This has tender and funny moments amongst the outrage and that is what keeps it grounded. I've bought a copy for my all boys school!
August 26, 2024
3.5/5
Clementine Ford brings us an important thesis, toxic male behaviour that demeans, objectifies, and dehumanises women needs to change for the sake of girls and boys. She presents many case studies and statistics in her trademark impassioned style. Some of the examples and stories are abhorrent and sickening - so don't expect an easy read.
Where I thought the book was lacking was the absence of a way forward. Ford makes a comprehensive case for why society needs to change it's attitude towards male behaviour, but I would have liked to have read some suggestions for how we get there. She also doesn't explain or look at how boys can become this way, rather she jumps straight into the effect that toxic behaviour has on women. These two gaps mean that the book doesn't really offer anything new to the discourse on male behaviour that we've been having since the 2010s. I still enjoyed the book, I just feel there was potential to enjoy it a lot more if it widened its scope.
Clementine Ford brings us an important thesis, toxic male behaviour that demeans, objectifies, and dehumanises women needs to change for the sake of girls and boys. She presents many case studies and statistics in her trademark impassioned style. Some of the examples and stories are abhorrent and sickening - so don't expect an easy read.
Where I thought the book was lacking was the absence of a way forward. Ford makes a comprehensive case for why society needs to change it's attitude towards male behaviour, but I would have liked to have read some suggestions for how we get there. She also doesn't explain or look at how boys can become this way, rather she jumps straight into the effect that toxic behaviour has on women. These two gaps mean that the book doesn't really offer anything new to the discourse on male behaviour that we've been having since the 2010s. I still enjoyed the book, I just feel there was potential to enjoy it a lot more if it widened its scope.
July 12, 2019
Disclaimer: I won an ARC via a giveaway on Librarything.
There are thousands of reasons why you should read this book. I would like to start with just one.
The sentence about Oscar Isaacs’s equipment. It is around page 185.
And if that doesn’t do it for you, the line about porn making men’s equipment not work is good too. That’s around 134.
But seriously, Ford’s excellent use of humor aside, you should read this book.
Ford’s book about culture and how it not only harms women but also men. In part, this is a mediation on the problems that her son will face growing up, but also the dangers that women face. She dismantles the arguments that men’s rights movements people use and shows how circular and deceptive they are.
The progresses from pre-birth to adulthood. For instance, the book opens with a discussion of gender reveal parties, and ends with a letter to her son describing, in part, what she hopes he grows into.
One of the most damning or interesting chapters is her look at film. You will never look at movies, in particular Disney movies, the same way. While at times in this section, I wondered a few things – for instance, while Rey and Finn are great, the Force Awakens really doesn’t fully pass the Bechdel test does it? Or why not mention comic book movies where the female superheroes rarely seem to talk to each other?
And there are other limitations in the book, which Ford addresses in her introduction, so she is at least aware. The book relies heavily on Australian events (not really surprising considering) but also mentions a few cases in the US and Ireland.
The most anger inducing and upsetting section is about sex education and how that is used to police women and young girls. In part, she is building on the works of writers such as Jessica Valenti, but she also shows how much has not changed and, in fact, how some things have gotten worse.
We live in a world where if a female politician says something people don’t like, she deserves death threats. IT’s her fault. She should keep her mouth shut. We live in a society where a judge tells a rape victim that she should have thought of her rapist’s future before she pressed charges. A world where Lance Armstrong, who maligned a woman who tried to blow the whistle on his cheating, gets redeemed. While all these things happened in America, they are hardly unique to America. Ford’s book shows us how far we must go to do right by both boys and girls.
There are thousands of reasons why you should read this book. I would like to start with just one.
The sentence about Oscar Isaacs’s equipment. It is around page 185.
And if that doesn’t do it for you, the line about porn making men’s equipment not work is good too. That’s around 134.
But seriously, Ford’s excellent use of humor aside, you should read this book.
Ford’s book about culture and how it not only harms women but also men. In part, this is a mediation on the problems that her son will face growing up, but also the dangers that women face. She dismantles the arguments that men’s rights movements people use and shows how circular and deceptive they are.
The progresses from pre-birth to adulthood. For instance, the book opens with a discussion of gender reveal parties, and ends with a letter to her son describing, in part, what she hopes he grows into.
One of the most damning or interesting chapters is her look at film. You will never look at movies, in particular Disney movies, the same way. While at times in this section, I wondered a few things – for instance, while Rey and Finn are great, the Force Awakens really doesn’t fully pass the Bechdel test does it? Or why not mention comic book movies where the female superheroes rarely seem to talk to each other?
And there are other limitations in the book, which Ford addresses in her introduction, so she is at least aware. The book relies heavily on Australian events (not really surprising considering) but also mentions a few cases in the US and Ireland.
The most anger inducing and upsetting section is about sex education and how that is used to police women and young girls. In part, she is building on the works of writers such as Jessica Valenti, but she also shows how much has not changed and, in fact, how some things have gotten worse.
We live in a world where if a female politician says something people don’t like, she deserves death threats. IT’s her fault. She should keep her mouth shut. We live in a society where a judge tells a rape victim that she should have thought of her rapist’s future before she pressed charges. A world where Lance Armstrong, who maligned a woman who tried to blow the whistle on his cheating, gets redeemed. While all these things happened in America, they are hardly unique to America. Ford’s book shows us how far we must go to do right by both boys and girls.
June 11, 2023
One of the hardest books in my life. I sobbed like a child while getting though it. If you’re like me and know very little about feminism and what it stands for — this is the book for you. It talks about patriarchy, misogyny, heteronormativity, sexism, homophobia, r@pe culture etc. it’s frightening, but that’s the structure we live in. And to be prepared — to know where is the problem. Recommend it with my whole heart.
June 11, 2024
Прочитала трохи більше половини. Зовсім не мій стиль подачі інформації, пошукаю щось інше
November 2, 2022
Clementine Ford's books will always have a special feminist place in my heart. I love her and follow her on Instagram too and follow her thoughts on marriage, news, etc. so I might be biased on this one.
Boys will be Boys is a book about feminism. This book would be a good start for young boys even though there are subjects like SA and r*ape. I think that if young girls have to LIVE these stories from a young age, boys should learn about them in order to change.
I love the perspective she takes with this book & I'm very happy I got to find her books. Another aspect I love about this is that it is not only about the USA. I start too many books until I realize it is only about the USA & I'm frustrated at this point.
Something I didn't really enjoy, but that's on me, is the name-dropping everywhere. I felt lost here & there because there are a few stories about some men behaving like shit I had no idea existed and I had to take a moment and do a google search but that's it.
I really recommend this as a beginner or mid-feminist knowledge. Can be a good book to read either way & get new aspects from this one.
Boys will be Boys is a book about feminism. This book would be a good start for young boys even though there are subjects like SA and r*ape. I think that if young girls have to LIVE these stories from a young age, boys should learn about them in order to change.
I love the perspective she takes with this book & I'm very happy I got to find her books. Another aspect I love about this is that it is not only about the USA. I start too many books until I realize it is only about the USA & I'm frustrated at this point.
Something I didn't really enjoy, but that's on me, is the name-dropping everywhere. I felt lost here & there because there are a few stories about some men behaving like shit I had no idea existed and I had to take a moment and do a google search but that's it.
I really recommend this as a beginner or mid-feminist knowledge. Can be a good book to read either way & get new aspects from this one.
October 17, 2018
Eesh.
I dunno.
I expected... more? from this book. I expected somehow for it to have more content about combatting the toxic masculinity that our society is currently driven by, but instead I was just reading about the utterly heartbreaking situations existing in the world. The ones I already know about. I’m not the target market for this book, but the target market aren’t likely to pick this book up.
I dunno.
I expected... more? from this book. I expected somehow for it to have more content about combatting the toxic masculinity that our society is currently driven by, but instead I was just reading about the utterly heartbreaking situations existing in the world. The ones I already know about. I’m not the target market for this book, but the target market aren’t likely to pick this book up.
July 17, 2025
This made me feel seen, angry, and hopeful. It challenged how I see the world and made me reflect on my own experiences with toxic masculinity. As hard as some of the topics can be to read, I honestly wish this was required reading for everyone, especially men. It’s not about blame, it’s about understanding, unlearning, and just doing better!
May 9, 2022
I took ages to get to this review because I wanted to write a bit more about it. To find the actual review, skip ahead to where I have indicated.
About a month ago, my wife and I took our two-year-old boy to a nearby park. Upon arriving, as I exited the car, a young woman - probably just a couple years older than me - approached and worriedly asked if she could use my phone. Kind of thrown off by the question and not knowing if she was genuine or up to something, my instinctual response was to cautiously ask my wife if she had her phone. Sussing out nothing dodgy was going on, my wife agreed to wait with the girl while I proceeded to the park. In the end, my wife spent about forty minutes with her having an emotional conversation and I wondered what on earth was going on. I realised she was in trouble in some way. Eventually, in case my wife was waiting for me to bail her out of an awkward situation, I texted her and asked if I should a bring coffees over for the two of them. After that I returned and we headed home, and my wife told me this poor girl's incredibly sad story ...
She was English, estranged from her parents and had moved to Australia with her boyfriend. She had trouble fitting in here, was struggling to make friends and was desperately lonely. Her boyfriend wasn't really there for her all that much. However, things became significantly more strained when she accidentally fell pregnant (the pill had not worked), and despite her boyfriend's insistence on aborting the child, she made the incredibly brave and admirable decision to have it. This put her into a terrible position as, with the baby not even three weeks old, the guy had become violently abusive against them both. She was severely struggling for lack of emotional support to care for the baby (my wife had to advise her to open the car windows as the infant was wrapped up in several blankets in a stiflingly hot car), and she was losing her mind because of all the stress, lack of sleep, lack of experience, homesickness, and indeed the terror of carrying such a large responsibility while her boyfriend threatened her and the child with violence.
She tried to contact her parents but they didn't want to know about it. And, on top of physically abusing them to the point that she had taken her child to a woman's shelter several times already, the guy was also filming her whenever she broke down at home, collecting what he thought of as evidence of what a psycho she was. He intended to use this against her if she ever tried to run away with the child. Despite the fact he seemed not the least bit interested in fathering his son or supporting his girlfriend, he threatened to get the police involved and accuse her of kidnapping the baby if she ever tries to leave, with the video footage as evidence of her mental instability.
This poor woman had nowhere to go, no one to listen to her and help her - emotionally, financially or physically. She was stuck in another country with a child that wholly depended on her, and which she feared she could not always protect from her violent boyfriend or even adequately look after herself. It was such a horrible situation and my heart broke for her and the child. In that chaos that was her life, they hadn't even named the poor little boy yet. She said she liked the name "Harvey".
On this day in particular the couple had obviously been fighting and the guy had taken off. He had run into the bushes and then pissed off somewhere, leaving his girlfriend and child, ignoring her calls, and she was panicking because both her and the baby were stuck there waiting for him. This is when we happened to pull up in front of her car.
The whole thing freaked my wife out a good deal. After all, we didn't really want to get involved to the point that some lunatic would come after her or our little boy. But we felt compelled to help this girl as she desperately kept trying to text and ring my wife throughout the next few hours (she was obviously so desperate for someone to be there for her, and my wife's initial gesture of kindness had given her something to cling to).
I wanted to do more for her than we ended up doing. Even I could understand some of the hell she was going through in raising a child without knowing what to do at any given moment because I had seen my own wife struggle through that terrifying period, only we had all the help and love and support we could have wished for. I was perhaps being naive is suggesting my wife reach out to her as a friend - a person to talk to and advise in whatever way she could, since she said she didn't have any friends or family in Australia. In the end, my wife sent her the personal number of a woman who ran a Catholic mothers support service she had connections with, and we never heard back from her after she thanked my wife for her kindness.
I hope to God she and the child are okay right now, and I hope she eventually gets away from that piece of shit she's stuck with, or else he grows up and starts to act like a proper partner and father. I prayed for her for a few days afterwards and can only hope she's doing okay.
Actual review kind of starts here.
And so, the reason for this entirely unconnected story is that incidents like this - things that I'd prefer to believe were quite rare these days, especially in civilised places like Sydney, Australia - are actually, tragically, far from uncommon. And while this guy might not have fit all the tropes of "toxic masculinity", he certainly made a good case for why such women who encounter his type get to the point of really hating men in general.
So while concepts like "white male privilege", "toxic masculinity" and "white fragility" had once deeply annoyed me - especially back in the days of my "political awakening" where I found myself quite firmly rooted in a conservative worldview, this gradually started to change for me as a result of objectively looking into this topics. In trying to see beyond the extreme examples of crazy, man-hating feminists, Christian-bashing Muslims and child-grooming homosexuals which the right-wing internet culture is only too skilled at drumming up (no different to the other side, of course), I have often found it to be highly enlightening, reassuring and beneficial to try and learn what the actual facts and messages are behind these monolithic leftist movements that usually die by their own, bad representatives on the street, the media and even in the universities.
I hope I don't sound like I am congratulating myself too much here because I am stating things that any half-intelligent person should agree upon, but simply taking an honest look into the injustices that birth such ideologically tainted movements like BLM and ANTIFA really helps you to realise that, if you take away all the violent extremists, the assholes and the Twitter trolls, even the most laughable cries for "social justice" are usually coming from a place wherein lies some real and profound inequalities. So much populist conservative thought just takes the lazy option and exaggerated these real issues into something they can laugh at and dismiss. Climate change, systemic racism, rape culture, toxic masculinity ... these things can easily be misconstrued as detestable or stupid ideas, and any morons of the Left will still take them up and virulently propagate them. But I personally find it very hard to honestly say I don't believe in climate change, systemic racism and the idea that masculinity as a cultural concept has some major problems.
This book didn't need to fully convince me, as I am not entirely against feminism in its truer forms. But it certainly was effective in deeply challenging me (to the extent that it sometimes hurt or pissed me off to read it, so personally under attack it seems to want men, good or bad, to feel). But while Ford is a flawed warrior in this battle, in that she put too much time and thought into battling idiots on the internet, and she's far from above making stupid, highly divisive comments that only fuel the fire of hatred between men and women, the case she makes is nevertheless a strong, unsettling and quite decisive one.
I was not a fan of her overly casual approach (she swears incessantly, using even the c-word countless times, and he brandishes many colourful insults towards certain men or men in general. It's hardly an academic read, and it lacks the tastefulness and academic clarity of something like Susan Carland's Fighting Hislam, an excellent Muslim feminist book I read earlier this year. But I can see many people preferring Ford's fiery, ranting style of writing more than I did personally. And despite the prickly voice of the writer, she still mounts a very strong argument, and exposes some truly despicable cases and ongoing situations where it really does give you pause, if you're willing to engage and consider the world outside of your own echo chamber.
Like many of the good left-wing books I read, this was rubbed me the wrong way for a while. I thought it was rubbish and wrote Ford off as just an unhinged third-wave feminist. But the further in I got, the more I actually found my defences surrendering to what she said - at least most of the time.
So in short, this is far from an easy book to read. It is difficult in many ways. But I must acknowledge its importance, as one of many indictments against certain "toxic" forms of masculinity and male culture more broadly. I am very glad that I read it.
About a month ago, my wife and I took our two-year-old boy to a nearby park. Upon arriving, as I exited the car, a young woman - probably just a couple years older than me - approached and worriedly asked if she could use my phone. Kind of thrown off by the question and not knowing if she was genuine or up to something, my instinctual response was to cautiously ask my wife if she had her phone. Sussing out nothing dodgy was going on, my wife agreed to wait with the girl while I proceeded to the park. In the end, my wife spent about forty minutes with her having an emotional conversation and I wondered what on earth was going on. I realised she was in trouble in some way. Eventually, in case my wife was waiting for me to bail her out of an awkward situation, I texted her and asked if I should a bring coffees over for the two of them. After that I returned and we headed home, and my wife told me this poor girl's incredibly sad story ...
She was English, estranged from her parents and had moved to Australia with her boyfriend. She had trouble fitting in here, was struggling to make friends and was desperately lonely. Her boyfriend wasn't really there for her all that much. However, things became significantly more strained when she accidentally fell pregnant (the pill had not worked), and despite her boyfriend's insistence on aborting the child, she made the incredibly brave and admirable decision to have it. This put her into a terrible position as, with the baby not even three weeks old, the guy had become violently abusive against them both. She was severely struggling for lack of emotional support to care for the baby (my wife had to advise her to open the car windows as the infant was wrapped up in several blankets in a stiflingly hot car), and she was losing her mind because of all the stress, lack of sleep, lack of experience, homesickness, and indeed the terror of carrying such a large responsibility while her boyfriend threatened her and the child with violence.
She tried to contact her parents but they didn't want to know about it. And, on top of physically abusing them to the point that she had taken her child to a woman's shelter several times already, the guy was also filming her whenever she broke down at home, collecting what he thought of as evidence of what a psycho she was. He intended to use this against her if she ever tried to run away with the child. Despite the fact he seemed not the least bit interested in fathering his son or supporting his girlfriend, he threatened to get the police involved and accuse her of kidnapping the baby if she ever tries to leave, with the video footage as evidence of her mental instability.
This poor woman had nowhere to go, no one to listen to her and help her - emotionally, financially or physically. She was stuck in another country with a child that wholly depended on her, and which she feared she could not always protect from her violent boyfriend or even adequately look after herself. It was such a horrible situation and my heart broke for her and the child. In that chaos that was her life, they hadn't even named the poor little boy yet. She said she liked the name "Harvey".
On this day in particular the couple had obviously been fighting and the guy had taken off. He had run into the bushes and then pissed off somewhere, leaving his girlfriend and child, ignoring her calls, and she was panicking because both her and the baby were stuck there waiting for him. This is when we happened to pull up in front of her car.
The whole thing freaked my wife out a good deal. After all, we didn't really want to get involved to the point that some lunatic would come after her or our little boy. But we felt compelled to help this girl as she desperately kept trying to text and ring my wife throughout the next few hours (she was obviously so desperate for someone to be there for her, and my wife's initial gesture of kindness had given her something to cling to).
I wanted to do more for her than we ended up doing. Even I could understand some of the hell she was going through in raising a child without knowing what to do at any given moment because I had seen my own wife struggle through that terrifying period, only we had all the help and love and support we could have wished for. I was perhaps being naive is suggesting my wife reach out to her as a friend - a person to talk to and advise in whatever way she could, since she said she didn't have any friends or family in Australia. In the end, my wife sent her the personal number of a woman who ran a Catholic mothers support service she had connections with, and we never heard back from her after she thanked my wife for her kindness.
I hope to God she and the child are okay right now, and I hope she eventually gets away from that piece of shit she's stuck with, or else he grows up and starts to act like a proper partner and father. I prayed for her for a few days afterwards and can only hope she's doing okay.
Actual review kind of starts here.
And so, the reason for this entirely unconnected story is that incidents like this - things that I'd prefer to believe were quite rare these days, especially in civilised places like Sydney, Australia - are actually, tragically, far from uncommon. And while this guy might not have fit all the tropes of "toxic masculinity", he certainly made a good case for why such women who encounter his type get to the point of really hating men in general.
So while concepts like "white male privilege", "toxic masculinity" and "white fragility" had once deeply annoyed me - especially back in the days of my "political awakening" where I found myself quite firmly rooted in a conservative worldview, this gradually started to change for me as a result of objectively looking into this topics. In trying to see beyond the extreme examples of crazy, man-hating feminists, Christian-bashing Muslims and child-grooming homosexuals which the right-wing internet culture is only too skilled at drumming up (no different to the other side, of course), I have often found it to be highly enlightening, reassuring and beneficial to try and learn what the actual facts and messages are behind these monolithic leftist movements that usually die by their own, bad representatives on the street, the media and even in the universities.
I hope I don't sound like I am congratulating myself too much here because I am stating things that any half-intelligent person should agree upon, but simply taking an honest look into the injustices that birth such ideologically tainted movements like BLM and ANTIFA really helps you to realise that, if you take away all the violent extremists, the assholes and the Twitter trolls, even the most laughable cries for "social justice" are usually coming from a place wherein lies some real and profound inequalities. So much populist conservative thought just takes the lazy option and exaggerated these real issues into something they can laugh at and dismiss. Climate change, systemic racism, rape culture, toxic masculinity ... these things can easily be misconstrued as detestable or stupid ideas, and any morons of the Left will still take them up and virulently propagate them. But I personally find it very hard to honestly say I don't believe in climate change, systemic racism and the idea that masculinity as a cultural concept has some major problems.
This book didn't need to fully convince me, as I am not entirely against feminism in its truer forms. But it certainly was effective in deeply challenging me (to the extent that it sometimes hurt or pissed me off to read it, so personally under attack it seems to want men, good or bad, to feel). But while Ford is a flawed warrior in this battle, in that she put too much time and thought into battling idiots on the internet, and she's far from above making stupid, highly divisive comments that only fuel the fire of hatred between men and women, the case she makes is nevertheless a strong, unsettling and quite decisive one.
I was not a fan of her overly casual approach (she swears incessantly, using even the c-word countless times, and he brandishes many colourful insults towards certain men or men in general. It's hardly an academic read, and it lacks the tastefulness and academic clarity of something like Susan Carland's Fighting Hislam, an excellent Muslim feminist book I read earlier this year. But I can see many people preferring Ford's fiery, ranting style of writing more than I did personally. And despite the prickly voice of the writer, she still mounts a very strong argument, and exposes some truly despicable cases and ongoing situations where it really does give you pause, if you're willing to engage and consider the world outside of your own echo chamber.
Like many of the good left-wing books I read, this was rubbed me the wrong way for a while. I thought it was rubbish and wrote Ford off as just an unhinged third-wave feminist. But the further in I got, the more I actually found my defences surrendering to what she said - at least most of the time.
So in short, this is far from an easy book to read. It is difficult in many ways. But I must acknowledge its importance, as one of many indictments against certain "toxic" forms of masculinity and male culture more broadly. I am very glad that I read it.
July 5, 2019
‘Everyone’s afraid that their daughters might be hurt. No one seems to be scared that their sons might be the ones to do it.’
No, I haven’t (yet) read ‘Girls will be Girls’. I picked up ‘Boys will be Boys’ because a number of people whose opinion I value kept telling me it was an important book. Like Clementine Ford, I am the mother of a son. And, in 1981 when both my son and Ms Ford were born, equality (of both opportunity and responsibility) was elusive.
Ms Ford challenges assumptions about superiority and aggression as the natural realms for boys. While I agree with her, it is difficult sometimes to recognise all the ways in which so many boys are conditioned. I also agree that patriarchy is as harmful to males as it is to females, I just wish that everyone else could see this.
Reading about gendered inequalities caused me to question some of the assumptions I have subconsciously or unconsciously taken as fact. Hey, I’m a child of the 1950s, gendered roles were automatic and generally unchallenged. Married women (unless they were professionals) generally stayed home to look after the children. If a married woman worked outside the home, it was seen as a clear indication that her husband was not a good provider. Girls were educated as a bridge to marriage, boys were educated to earn an income. Of course, there were exceptions, but it was difficult to swim against the tide.
So, I read Ms Ford’s book, agree with the fact that change is necessary but am less confident about how such change will be implemented. And then I remember that I am the mother of a son, a son who grew up in a home where both parents worked and shared domestic responsibilities.
I read Ms Ford’s closing chapter in which more than fifty ‘famous’ men are named because they have been publicly accused of sexual assault and their alleged criminal acts. I wonder how many others could be added to the list.
In some ways this book is a depressing read, in other ways it is heartening, Depressing because I doubt that I’ll live long enough to see automatic equality; heartening because the more conscious we become of gendered inequality the more momentum we can generate to address causes and consequences.
This is not a comfortable read. It’s confronting. I loved the epilogue: the lovely, loving letter Ms Ford wrote to her son in which a different definition of boyhood will not be seen as incompatible with being a man.
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
No, I haven’t (yet) read ‘Girls will be Girls’. I picked up ‘Boys will be Boys’ because a number of people whose opinion I value kept telling me it was an important book. Like Clementine Ford, I am the mother of a son. And, in 1981 when both my son and Ms Ford were born, equality (of both opportunity and responsibility) was elusive.
Ms Ford challenges assumptions about superiority and aggression as the natural realms for boys. While I agree with her, it is difficult sometimes to recognise all the ways in which so many boys are conditioned. I also agree that patriarchy is as harmful to males as it is to females, I just wish that everyone else could see this.
Reading about gendered inequalities caused me to question some of the assumptions I have subconsciously or unconsciously taken as fact. Hey, I’m a child of the 1950s, gendered roles were automatic and generally unchallenged. Married women (unless they were professionals) generally stayed home to look after the children. If a married woman worked outside the home, it was seen as a clear indication that her husband was not a good provider. Girls were educated as a bridge to marriage, boys were educated to earn an income. Of course, there were exceptions, but it was difficult to swim against the tide.
So, I read Ms Ford’s book, agree with the fact that change is necessary but am less confident about how such change will be implemented. And then I remember that I am the mother of a son, a son who grew up in a home where both parents worked and shared domestic responsibilities.
I read Ms Ford’s closing chapter in which more than fifty ‘famous’ men are named because they have been publicly accused of sexual assault and their alleged criminal acts. I wonder how many others could be added to the list.
In some ways this book is a depressing read, in other ways it is heartening, Depressing because I doubt that I’ll live long enough to see automatic equality; heartening because the more conscious we become of gendered inequality the more momentum we can generate to address causes and consequences.
This is not a comfortable read. It’s confronting. I loved the epilogue: the lovely, loving letter Ms Ford wrote to her son in which a different definition of boyhood will not be seen as incompatible with being a man.
Jennifer Cameron-Smith
October 31, 2018
it was okay.... i feel like i read twelve tumblr-esque blog posts about how awful men as a class are. and i don't disagree with a lot of this book, but i guess i was expecting more? there were a lot of funny quips and jokey-jokes peppered throughout the book, which i found annoying 90% of the time (some quotes were funny though, and i think i would be a more receptive to her humour had i read this book in the form of a short blog post and not a published 400-page book). there were moments clementine ford jokingly addressed her hate-readers/mean tweeters with creative insults but as i am not a hate-reader or anti-feminist twitter troll it put me off a little.
plus most of the book seemed to be very black-and-white... i don't want to be that "stop demonizing men!" type but i feel like this book was just a barrage of lists upon lists of awful things men have done to women, and awful views/expectations men have of women... etc. no real dive into the whys and hows, and barely anything to be said about how women also embrace the ideas about toxic masculinity and mateship. it was mostly like. this happens, and it's bad, because people (mostly women) are hurt.
but talking to my sister about this book and clementine ford's work, we both agree she is very 'accessible feminism'. this book is easy to read and there's barely any hard-to-understand social justice jargon. it's a good book for people new to feminism and are willing to learn more with an open mind (which... is me. lol. hi).
plus most of the book seemed to be very black-and-white... i don't want to be that "stop demonizing men!" type but i feel like this book was just a barrage of lists upon lists of awful things men have done to women, and awful views/expectations men have of women... etc. no real dive into the whys and hows, and barely anything to be said about how women also embrace the ideas about toxic masculinity and mateship. it was mostly like. this happens, and it's bad, because people (mostly women) are hurt.
but talking to my sister about this book and clementine ford's work, we both agree she is very 'accessible feminism'. this book is easy to read and there's barely any hard-to-understand social justice jargon. it's a good book for people new to feminism and are willing to learn more with an open mind (which... is me. lol. hi).
April 15, 2019
This is probably the most confronting book I’ve read. It was hard to read it not because of its writing style but because it made me realised how much I’ve failed as man to women in general and particularly to the women in my life.
‘Boys will be boys’ should be read by all women, so they have tools to protect themselves against toxic masculinity. But most importantly, this book needs to be a compulsory reading to all men not only so we stop perpetuating our toxic gender-related behaviours but so we Learn to stand up against misogynistic men.
‘Boys will be boys’ should be read by all women, so they have tools to protect themselves against toxic masculinity. But most importantly, this book needs to be a compulsory reading to all men not only so we stop perpetuating our toxic gender-related behaviours but so we Learn to stand up against misogynistic men.
January 16, 2019
Another Facebook rant, but certainly more meaty than Fight Like a Girl. A lot of the substance was lost in aggressive, sarcastic language. This is more of a "rally the troops" kind of book, rather than an informative "here's how we can help educate and dismantle the system which negatively impacts both women and men".
Clem's an excellent essayist, but I felt like it was often difficult to find a thread to follow in this book.
Clem's an excellent essayist, but I felt like it was often difficult to find a thread to follow in this book.
March 27, 2019
Clementine Ford is really irritating. I didn't connect with it but also couldn't put it down because it was compellingly irritating. Strongly disagree with her attitudes but its good to be provoked into fleshing out my own position and ideas on gender equality etc.
December 6, 2018
Dear Clementine,
First, I'd like to apologise to you. One time a year or two back I was asked what I thought of you. Of course I don't KNOW you but I know the person meant what do I think of what you say, write, do. At that time I said something along the idea of 'well feminism is a broad church'.
I have identified as a feminist since a little girl and now Chair a national organisation to promote the interests of women. And yet I didn't give an effusive YAY when your name was mentioned. At that point I'd never read anything by you, I had only followed your Instagram and Twitter accounts. And, you know, lots of swearing and confronting things.
So, first I'd like to apologise. You are right to swear because there is a lot to be angry about. And second, I'd like to thank you. You say the things I wish I had the courage to say. And in my head those things involve expletives too. I think them but don't say them so thank you for giving voice to my thoughts and backing them up with data, data and more data. Your work is confronting, well-written and well researched. You are forthright with your opinions which are always always backed up with data.
By giving voice to the many men and women out there who dare not voice what you do for many reasons you are, I believe, the Emmeline Pankhurst of our generation. Like Emmeline you are subjected to many of the same tactics to discredit you. And those tactics are promoted by both men and women. And yet, though difficult, you hold your head as high as you can and soldier on. Just like Emmeline and the other suffragettes.
There will be times we disagree. On the whole, however, I thank you for being you. I know it's not easy and you have many crosses to bear. I hope one day to be able to be as strong a voice as you.
Best, M
First, I'd like to apologise to you. One time a year or two back I was asked what I thought of you. Of course I don't KNOW you but I know the person meant what do I think of what you say, write, do. At that time I said something along the idea of 'well feminism is a broad church'.
I have identified as a feminist since a little girl and now Chair a national organisation to promote the interests of women. And yet I didn't give an effusive YAY when your name was mentioned. At that point I'd never read anything by you, I had only followed your Instagram and Twitter accounts. And, you know, lots of swearing and confronting things.
So, first I'd like to apologise. You are right to swear because there is a lot to be angry about. And second, I'd like to thank you. You say the things I wish I had the courage to say. And in my head those things involve expletives too. I think them but don't say them so thank you for giving voice to my thoughts and backing them up with data, data and more data. Your work is confronting, well-written and well researched. You are forthright with your opinions which are always always backed up with data.
By giving voice to the many men and women out there who dare not voice what you do for many reasons you are, I believe, the Emmeline Pankhurst of our generation. Like Emmeline you are subjected to many of the same tactics to discredit you. And those tactics are promoted by both men and women. And yet, though difficult, you hold your head as high as you can and soldier on. Just like Emmeline and the other suffragettes.
There will be times we disagree. On the whole, however, I thank you for being you. I know it's not easy and you have many crosses to bear. I hope one day to be able to be as strong a voice as you.
Best, M
December 2, 2018
I found Boys Will Be Boys engaging yet horrifying. It’s not new content for me, as someone working on prevention of violence against women, but it reinforced and provided both examples and evidence of what I have been learning through the course of my work.
I have a fear that this book speaks to the converted (and anyone with more knowledge on masculinity than me could potentially find nothing new or enlightening in this) and not beyond.
I was also a bit disappointed when the book took quite a lengthy diversion into MRA and Milo Yiannopoulos, which while good examples of toxicity of male peer relations, go on too long. I think this review discusses this quite well.
https://www.australianbookreview.com....
I have a fear that this book speaks to the converted (and anyone with more knowledge on masculinity than me could potentially find nothing new or enlightening in this) and not beyond.
I was also a bit disappointed when the book took quite a lengthy diversion into MRA and Milo Yiannopoulos, which while good examples of toxicity of male peer relations, go on too long. I think this review discusses this quite well.
https://www.australianbookreview.com....
September 2, 2020
As for Fight like a girl, the audiobook is narrated by Clementine Ford herself and it's fantastic. It's not an easy read, it's enraging but the sarcasm helps :)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 480 reviews