好問

by Trey Gowdy, 陳珮榆 (Translator)

從說服小孩整理房間，到進行提案希望獲取他人支持，在生活之中，我們每個人都會有需要為某些重要事情辯護的時候。然而在說服與溝通的過程中，我們往往會急於陳述自己的意見，並對他人的意見難以採納，導致對話陷入僵局而淪落至爭吵的結局。

　　從事法律工作20年，並且連任了4屆美國眾議院議員的特雷‧高迪，發現無論你是要說服別人或是與人爭論，最好的方法就是提問。因為不可否認的是，利用問題來改變他人是一種與眾不同的說服技巧，而提問是最高層次說服不可或缺的重要關鍵。大多數人都可以藉由說明自己觀點和解釋原因來說服別人，但你能在適當的時間和順序裡提出適當的問題來說服他人嗎？更重要的，你能讓與你交談的人說服他們自己嗎？

　　如果你真的想說服別人，使他們改變思惟方式，你必須先問問自己：

　　你想實現什麼？
　　你的目標是什麼？
　　交流結束後，你如何衡量成功？
　　誰是你的陪審團？
　　證明起來有多困難？

　　無論你是想說服陪審團判定某個被告犯可能犯下死罪，或是說服你的妻子讓你在周末夜出門與朋友小聚一番，在開口準備說服他人之前，都要先問問自己這些問題。藉由知道你的目標，知道你的事實，知道成功的模樣，那麼制定邁向成功的路線就會變得容易許多。說服別人也是如此。

　　以提問進行說服的關鍵技巧
　　利用問題來打動別人和說服別人是一門微妙的藝術。大多數人都能陳述自己的信念，但如果你能學會在對的時間，用對的方式，提出對的問題來說服別人，說服別人這件事情將會輕鬆且容易許多。

　　在本書中，特雷‧高迪提出了如何以提問進行說服的重要關鍵技巧：

　　1.所有的問題都只有兩個目的──問題不是用來證實，就是用來反駁。你提出的問題不是支持你的觀點，就是反對對方的觀點。藉由提出問題，幫助你在爭論中證明或駁斥觀點，並更加印證或是更加否定對方的看法。

　　2.誘導性與非誘導性問題──提問可能帶有挑釁，也有可能是中立的，其目的純粹是為了獲取資訊。當有情況發生時，人們大部分會先問「為什麼？」其次才問「誰做了什麼？」理解別人為何會有不同想法，才有可能用語言和行動說服別人。

　　3.質疑──你可以質疑事實、質疑對方得出的結論，或是質疑對方本人。當對方明顯存有偏見時，你應該盡量多花時間來突顯這種偏見。

　　4.順水推舟──人們常常只憑片面獲取的訊息(例如社交網路、報章媒體、人云亦云)，就對他們關注的人做出判斷。你可以利用這些看法，將你自己的觀點加入相關討論之中。

　　5.重複、重複、再重複──重複對於說服來說非常重要，也非常有意義，就像大家常說「很重要所以要說三次」一樣，人類本能的反應是：我們重複聽到的次數愈多，記憶程度就越高；我們重複聽到的次數愈多，就會更容易認為這個事實是重要的。

　　6.重新包裝對方的話──重新包裝可以迫使你聆聽對方究竟在說什麼，迫使你利用洞察力識別邏輯最薄弱的環節，迫使你利用荒誕、極端無理和誇張的黑魔法，去結合對方修辭或邏輯上最薄弱的環節。

　　很多人認為說服是要對方完全接受自己的想法與意見，然而真正的說服是漸進式的過程，讓對方放棄原本與你相對立的想法而轉投其他想法(不一定是你的想法)也是一種成功說服的結果，因此，在說服之前，你必須要先設定什麼是正確的說服：

　　‧讓人重新思考立場是成功的說服。
　　‧讓人不帶偏見地傾聽你的立場是成功的說服。
　　‧讓人理解你所為何來也是成功的說服。

　　人是帶有偏見的個體，他們根據自己的經驗與生活歷程來判斷事物，有時亦毫無邏輯可言，也因此硬碰硬的說服溝通是最吃力的方式，學習透過提問的方式溝通，藉由讓對方自我思考、建立連結，學會不要求與不強迫也能獲取自己想要的結果，才是最強而有力的說服方式。

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Business, Communication, Politics, Leadership, Personal Development

304 pages, Paperback

First published August 18, 2020

About the author

Trey Gowdy is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Doesn’t Hurt to Ask, Start, Stay, or Leave, and co-author of Unified, with Senator Tim Scott. He’s the host of Sunday Night in America with Trey Gowdy on Fox News and The Trey Gowdy Podcast. Gowdy served as a four-term congressman from South Carolina. Before running for Congress, he served as a federal prosecutor in his home state and a district attorney in Spartanburg and Cherokee counties. Trey Gowdy is married to Terri Dillard Gowdy, a former first-grade school teacher in Spartanburg, South Carolina.

Connect with Trey Gowdy on:
Facebook: @RepTreyGowdy
Twitter: @TGowdySC
Instagram: @tgowdysc

Reviews

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probably would give this a 3.5 stars if I could. It was a frustrating read as I enjoyed it in many ways but in others ways it was hard to get a handle on. From the title and subtitle it sounds like a book on communication and persuasion but it might more accurately be titled: "How to argue like a prosecutor." Most of Gowdy's approach to communication comes from that perspective and the book is full of stories of cases and of his experience as a Congressman. The connection between persuasion and these cases isn't always crystal clear or at least wasn't to me. The other chunk of the book is memoir; information about Gowdy's life, relationships and career. Again, it wasn't always clear how the various pieces and parts worked together.

Gowdy has a good natured style and tone, not surprisingly can be an effective communicator. But as someone who works in communications, I am not sure I would recommend this book to someone who wants to get better at persuasion unless they had an interest in politics and/or the law. If you are a fan of Gowdy you will enjoy this book. If you are interested in learning more about Gowdy you will probably enjoy this book too. If your main desire is to get better at communication there are probably better sources.

That said, much of what Gowdy outlines is worthwhile. Ask yourself questions about what you are trying to accomplish, who your audience is, what the expectations of your audience is, and how high the bar is set. He outlines some strategies for situations of high stakes communications and walks the reader through how asking questions can be used to attack and to defend.

But focus on courts and judicial structures, and on his own life and experience, came at the expense of some clarity and focus in my opinion.

[Lisa Konet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was pleasantly surprised by humorous yet insightful this book was. It was part self-help, biography/memoir, politics but it was also about the importance of asking for what you want. I loved his personal stories throughout his career and his observations. I didn't expect to like this as much as I did and get wait for a hard copy. Highly recommended.

Thanks to Netgalley, Trey Gowdy and Crown Publishing for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Available: 8/8/20

[Jay bookworm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to Goodreads and the publisher, Crown Forum for an electronic copy of the book. I thoroughly enjoyed the guidance that Gowdy gives alongside situations he has been through both successfully and sometimes not. This is not a book about politics, it’s truly about how you can reframe your thinking in order to be persuasive, thoughtful and a better communicator. It’s a bit of journey taking you through the process and tools that you will need to utilize to be more effective. His time as a prosecutor is mentioned probably more than his time in politics or maybe it’s that those stories were just so compelling and served to fuel his desire to communicate effectively with a jury in a persuasive way to ensure justice. You can tell that some of these cases affected him deeply and motivated his diligence and preparation. It was a good read and I definitely learned from the experience.

[Yaryna Zhukorska · Rating 5 out of 5]

Вже так повелося, що я люблю читати книжки колишніх прокурорів, працівників спецслужб, військових))

Хороша. Ціннісна.

Цікава буде усім, хто хоче чути інших ще краще.
Особливо цікавою буде юристам))
Вона саме про «чути», а не говорити, як може здатися з назви)
Задавайте правильні запитання й отримуйте потрібні відповіді.
З ними життя простіше))
Адже хто може краще переконати людину, як не вона сама)

👇👇👇
🔗 Неможливо зрушити з місця того, хто не хоче рухатися. Неможливо переконати того, хто не хоче переконуватися.

🔗 Дурні запитання ліпші за дурні відповіді.

🔗 Сила (правильних) запитань у тому, що вони не тільки беруть, а й віддають. Ви не лише говорите, а й слухаєте.

🔗 Часом людина, яку вам доводиться переконувати, - саме ви.

🔗 Світ стане спокійнішим і менш ворожим, якщо ми замінимо бажання кричати на бажання бути почутим.

🔗 Якщо ви не знаєте своєї мети, то майже гарантовано її не досягнете.

🔗 Переконати того, хто не хоче переконуватися, важко й навіть неможливо.

🔗 Якщо ви самі не вірите в те, що говорите, то й інші не повірять.

🔗 Ми надто часто починаємо зачіпати особисте, коли з фактами кепсько.

🔗 Надто часто за факти видають звичайні думки та переконання.

🔗 Той, хто не сказав правди колись, навряд чи скаже її в майбутньому.

#451deepreading

[Thara Tenney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated listening to this book, especially since it was read by Trey himself. (His voice has so much character and personality)

These past few years I really have grown to respect Trey as I observed him debate in congress and in other contexts. He is really good.

Below are my notes from the book. I don't guarantee correct spelling or complete sentences because these notes were drafted on the go as I am the master multitasker:

Stupid questions are better than Stupid statements

Questions are the safest rout in the art of persuasion because there's always an out. You could say, "I didn't know, that's why I asked", if you are wrong after asking. But if you were right after asking you could say, "I thought so."

In this case your guilty of nothing except seeking more information. This is the difference between sounding stupid and being stupid.

Knowing as much as you can about the indiviual your seeking to persuade to formulate strategic questions is key and roll playing is very important to practice pivoting with the answers that are given.

Powerful persuaders seek truth on all sides of the issue. The more dogmatic one is, the less likely they are to persuade.

Do not enter debating contests. Exchanging persuasion for debate will win long lasting positive leverage. Persuasion is incremental, a slow migration to a destination.

Chance favors the prepared mind.

Compare your feelings to the facts.

If one does not understand culture, traditions, what's going on in their head that drives their choice, if one can't connect with real people, they'll never be an effective communicator.

Appropriately weigh the burden of proof.

Correctly aligning the burden of proof with the objective is essential

Opening questions with the statement: Are you open to... are you willing to consider... gives better responce than declarative statements

It's easy for doubt to be created and hard to overcome. One must know when is best to creat doubt.

We must be sincere

Attack the facts... not people.... attacking people's credibility should only be done using facts, not feelings and last resort

Know who the jury is when seeking to persuade, know their biased so questions can be formulated to meet the desired objective. As the jury shifts in from objective to subjective, so should the questions approach.

It is difficult to both educate and advocate for an issue in the same exchange, it's best to separate those into two discrete tasks, ask yourself what burden of proof I'll need to reach my objective

Using someone else or something else to impeach the credibility of someone else is sometimes needed to accomplish the objective. There are two verticals whereby the impeachment (aka discrediting) an indiviuals takes place, the impeachment of opinion or the impeachment of reputation. Reputation is what you know others think about someone, and opinions is what you think of someone. Opinions aren't nearly as impacting as facts.

Phrase your strong declarative statements with surely you are not.... surly you don't... surly you are not suggesting

Question assumption to distract someone train of thought... say, how do you know that

Or ask many questions about details to derail a person speaking declarative that is wrong or that you don't want to give credence to

Persuasion is incremental, small steps. It's so important that we set the correct expectations when seeking to persuade. Setting these begins with the realization that this process is incremental. Getting someone to listen to your position without prejudice is persuasive success. Getting someone to understand where you are coming from is persuasive success, getting someone to reconsider a position is persuasive success. Getting someone to consider ambiguity that's in your favor is persuasion success. If you accept that those occasions of complete transformation in a single moment are rare, than set appropriate expectations. Think commonality, think movement, think subtle shifts over time. Moses never saw the promised land...It was Aaron. But it's not Aaron we remember the most. You may never see the fruit of your persuasion... and that's OK. Those who plant the tree rarely enjoy its shade

There is greater success in subtle persuasion.

You know you are succeeding when you no longer get worried, stressed, or frustrated with someone's different thought because your prospective is how it's an opportunity to learn or an opportunity to persuade. Persuasion is where the excitement lies. Can I do this? Can I find joy in the incremental process of persuasion?

We too must be willing to be persuaded. We cannot expect from others that which we are not willing to do ourselves. The simple sincere statement, "this is my opinion after my efforts in research, and I'll willing to be persuaded..." entrances my ability to persuade the other party.

[Scott Wozniak · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book about persuasion by a former prosecutor and former congressman. He does a good job not making this a political book, but a really strong book on communication, applying it to families, the office and social settings. It's full of stories, both funny and heavy, and really quite practical. I've read a lot of books on communication and not only did he cover some of the foundational skills, but he taught me a few things I hadn't learned. Highly recommended if you are a communicator.

[Manny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always been impressed by Congressman Gowdy. Although my political views are not really represented in the House or the Senate, I always thought Gowdy was thorough, intelligent and a pit bull. I first I thought the book was a political book but thankfully it was not.

The book covers the art; and I mean it as an art of persuasion. For those who do not recognize him, Gowdy was a prosector in South Carolina and later became a Congressman for the same. He served in Congress for eight years. Gowdy headed many committees during his tenure. This book describes how he learned how to effectively argue in court and how to be on the offensive side as well as the defensive side. Although the book does touch on politics based on cases and hearings he was involved in, he almost always prefaces it with the fact that he is not passing judgment and on many occasions describes where he felt he could have done differently.

I have already used some of the skills I learned in this book with my kids. He uses his family life to show the reader the skills he learned. The over theme of the book, in part is listen more than you talk. I learned so much about the legal system as well as he pulls from the history of cases he was involved in as a prosecutor. One of the things that registered with me was when he mentioned impeachment..... no not that impeachment, but rather the impeachment of the person, the facts or the conclusion. He used an example about a judge that was rule a certain way 90% of the time regardless of the facts of those cases. The judge was a respected judge and impeaching the person was going to be difficult and would not get the results he was looking for. He instead asked the judge pointed questions and challenges, and subsequently impeached the facts on the case.

Overall, the book was great. I recommend it to anyone that would like to improve their communication skills.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Citind cartea, am constientizat dimensiunea haului in care este scufundata tara mea. Ce sanse mai avem sa ne ridicam din mocirla incompetentei si a mediocritatii? Cat timp clasa conducatoare (nu doar cea politica) traieste in propria bula roz, haul se adanceste. Nici macar nu se mai ostenesc sa persuadeze eficient.
Aceasta carte as recomanda-o tuturor celor care lucreaza cu oamenii si vor sa schimbe ceva.

"(...) daca nu-i intelegi pe toti oamenii - oameni cu diferite origini, statute social-economice, religii, experiente si moduri de gandire -, nu vei fi niciodata un comunicator eficient. Daca oamenii reali din lumea reala sunt cei cu care aspiri sa comunici, pe care vrei sa-i misti si, in cele din urma, sa-i persuadezi, trebuie sa intelegi mai bine cum proceseaza ei informatiile si care este limbajul cel mai accesibil pentru ei. Trebuie sa-i iei pe oameni asa cum sunt ei, nu cum esti tu sau cum ai vrea sa fie ei.
Invata cum gandesc oamenii. Invata ce-i motiveaza. Invata ce-i misca. Invata ce-i inspira. Invata ce-i sperie. Invata cum sunt ei. Cum au ajuns sa fie asa. Si ce ar fi necesar pentru ca ei sa se schimbe."(pag 71-72)

"Sa te folosesti de intrebari pentru a-i conduce pe altii intr-o anumita directie este o cale neobisnuita de a persuada, dar sunt convins ca este o parte indispensabila a persuasiunii la cel mai inalt nivel. Majoritatea oamenilor incearca sa convinga spunand ceea ce cred si de ce cred, dar este oare posibil sa persuadezi punand intrebarile potrivite, in momentul potrivit, in ordinea potrivita? Si, chiar mai important, poti, in esenta, s-o determini pe persoana cu care stai de vorba sa se convinga singura?"(pag 13)

[Kara of BookishBytes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with Trey Gowdy's assertions that asking questions is the best way to learn, to get to know people and also to gently challenge their assumptions and points of view. So I enjoyed the parts of the book where he suggested those strategies. I also enjoyed the courtroom stories Mr. Gowdy recounted. In the final third or so of the book he mostly tells political stories from his days in Congress that those were less interesting to me. The rhetorical points he was trying to illustrate were more nuanced and he risks alienating his reader with political issues.

On the whole, however, the book is great for anyone who is interested in rhetoric or litigation or persuading through conversation.

[Nitesh Dudhey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though an interesting read with some good insights, it was hard to relate to topics outside of law.
Agree on Gawdy's perspectives from the point of view of a prosecutor. However these kind of books are intended for general audience, and thus adding points on how people can relate to their lives would have taken this to a higher level.

All-in-all a good book with some interesting points.

[Caroline David · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have loved Trey Gowdy since I got into politics. He has always been persuadable, which this book is about. Being persuadable is something we often view as negative but it's so much more than what it is seen as. Being persuadable is also something people struggle with. Gowdy shares personal anecdotes such as his time in the courtroom to his friend Senator Tim Scott (another favorite of mine). It is extremely well-written and conversational. I can't wait to buy the physical copy when it publishes on August 18, 2020.

[Divya U · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't put it down once I started reading. It was so interesting!!! What made it so interesting was not the advice about how to effectively use questions, it was the stories that were shared to prove each point.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trey Howdy is an amazing author. Best book I have read in a long time. If you haven't read any of his books you really should, sucks you in from begging to end.

[Patrick Duran · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of the attorneys with whom I work would benefit from reading this book as communication skills are sorely needed.

[mack · Rating 2 out of 5]

i want to give this a 2.5 but goodreads, you know…

i had been putting this book off for a while, but it was recommended to me due to my interest in law. the book was definitely catered in an implicit way towards those interested in law, and i enjoyed reading about the various cases gowdy worked on himself as a prosecutor. i’m just a law nerd like that, but i know other people aren’t, so i wouldn’t say this would be the most interesting, receptive read for those who don’t have at least a subtle interest in the legal field. i would be wary with my recommendations for that reason.

in regards to the book’s actual content, it was well-written and comprehensible, but as for a lot of the points gowdy was making, i feel as though i could’ve told you them myself. the book touched on the art of persuasion, specifically the tools one should employ when needing to present intellectual (or non-) arguments in their daily life. the idea of the book hooked me in by the beginning, but as i kept reading, it became a drag to carry on. a lot of the “persuasive tools” being discussed were either things i already utilize or were not revolutionary or eye-opening. i was hoping for more niche secrets that would enhance my ability to ask questions rather than only validate some techniques i already use.

(i also wish i had a dollar for every time the word “persuade” and its derivatives was used….)

[PED · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trey Gowdy faithfully represented our district in Congress for eight years, and I appreciated his questioning of witnesses during committee hearings and his method of communication when responding to reporters.

“Doesn’t Hurt to Ask” reveals his thought processes, and he engages his readers from the very beginning. His writing style is casual and compelling, though I had to read and re-read some sentences and paragraphs since the wording was, to me, clumsy.

This book would be valuable to numerous audiences: from parents, to businessmen, to counselors, to pastors. I wish I would have had these tools available when serving as a university administrator.

I appreciated Gowdy’s truthfulness, his seriousness, his humor, and even his cynicism. He successfully presents “the power of questions to communicate, connect, and persuade,” and he gives timely tips for navigating nearly every area of life.

[Amy Holodak · Rating 3 out of 5]

In the interest of being open minded, and at the recommendation of a loved one, I picked up Trey Gowdy's book.

While Gowdy makes it very clear throughout the book that he is NOT writing about politics, and in fact doesn't appear to even really LIKE politics, it was hard for me to separate my bias against him and take the book at face value alone. From his minor offenses (I mean the guy wears head to go seersucker on the regular) to his majorly problematic offenses (arguing for the death penalty throughout his career as a federal prosecutor, endlessly railing about Benghazi and Hilary's emails yet seemingly untroubled by blatant illegal activity within the Trump administration), some of this book and it's messenger was a little hard to swallow.

But here's the thing; Trey Gowdy is a wonderful story-teller and there is no shortage of truly excellent, highly entertaining and compelling anecdotes. He is gifted at persuading, and I think it is really cool that he wrote a book about something so unexpected after leaving office, yet clearly so important to him. I really don't have any interest in "winning" my conversations, and I take issue with that premise. But that's sort of a bad marketing line, because this book really is about how to communicate your position clearly and win others to your side, or at least communicate in such a way that they may be willing to CONSIDER your side. I hope I can use his techniques in future difficult conversations.

[Tetiana D · Rating 5 out of 5]

Назва відповідає змісту, написана політиком та федеральним прокурором.

Контент дуже гідний, для когось може бути дещо специфічним.

Про промови, діалоги, риторику, напад чи захист, маніпулятивні техніки, розуміння мети промови та своїх "присяжних".
Людська природа, логіка і точність до занудства.

Дуже рекомендую, але з уточненням:

Якщо вам цікаво про механізми переконування за допомогою запитань, логіки та точності у діалозі.
Якщо ви не боїтеся понять "зануда" чи "душніла" 😜
І якщо ви не проти того, що автор республіканець.

[Zhivko Kabaivanov · Rating 3 out of 5]

Doesn’t Hurt to Ask (2020) teaches the subtle art of persuasion through one unconventional tool: asking questions. Former congressman Trey Gowdy explains how thoughtful questions can help you reach your audience, communicate your message, and win people over – whether that’s in a courtroom, a business meeting, or at the dinner table.

[Morgan Andrews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should take a week and read this book - I can’t recommend it enough!

[Duke Dahl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Full takeaways: https://bulletpointreading.com/2022/0...

[Moira Allbritton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not what I expected but relevant to so many aspects of life as a parent, as an employee, as an advocate, and as a voter.

The author is witty, erudite, and humble. His points will stay with me...and that makes it a 5-star read.

[Karen Campbell · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's probably a little better than 3 stars, but couldn't go to 4. It's interesting, gives you insight into the man Trey Gowdy. I DID learn some skills for when people go off on me for my beliefs or my opinions, but it lost my interest near the middle, picked it back up towards the end.

[Kirill · Rating 2 out of 5]

That felt more like a memoir than a book on persuasion. The author does give a few good advice, but too many times he drifts off into story telling about different cases from his political/prosecution career. While he explicitly writes that this is not a book about politics, I couldn't help but feel that there were too many stories with heavy USA political context that I just couldn't relate to. Overall, this could've been much shorter.

[Nataliia Osadcha · Rating 5 out of 5]

В чому краса запитань?
Чи можливо переконати, ставлячи правильні запитання?..

Уміння доводити свою думку мистецтвом запитання - головна ідея книги "Сила запитань" Трея Ґауді. Мабуть, мені зрезонувала назва. Я маю свої проблеми із постановкою питань і вже давно шукаю варіанти як пропрацювати ці моменти. А ще не дуже люблю відповідати на запитання, особливо якщо вони провокативні.

Автор був прокурором і конгресменом, дуже імпонує його щирість. І можливо для нас не так зрозуміла американська правова система, та він через своє життя показує усвідомлення, що правильні запитання це сила.
❔️Чого ви хочете досягнути?
Часом ми запитуємо, бо справді потребуємо інформації. Часом - щоб почути бажану відповідь. А іноді відповідь взагалі не має значення, ми прагнемо - змусити сумніватися...

❕️Шукаючи істину, часто змінюєш думку.

Ви маєте точно усвідомлювати, про що просите людину і яке значення має прохання.

✔️Я засмучений не через те, що ви мені збрехали. Я засмучений, бо не знаю, коли зможу повірити вам у майбутньому.
✔️Усі запитання мають мету: відкриту або приховану.
✔️Переконатися поза сумнівом... ще та задача.

❓️Прямі запитання- це класичні, для отримання інформації, де головна відповідь.

❓️Навідне запитання одразу натякає на відповідь і ставить у центр уваги не того, кого запитують, а того, хто запитує. Зазвичай звучить агресивніше, ніж пряме.

‼️Диcкередитувати чиїсь особисті думки й переконання, не втрутившись в особисте, досить важко. Ніколи не забувайте запитувати про джерело і ставити під сумнів правдивість фактів.

Зі словами треба поводитися обережно й не розкидатися ними бездумно, інакше доведеться їх тлумачити. А це небезпечно: у процесі ви ризикуєте загубити важливі думки.

У дискусіях ми не завжди перемагатимемо.

❌️Деконструкція аргументу - це не дати вашому опоненту закласти цеглинки у фундамент своєї позиції. Вимагати доказів перед кожною цеглинкою.

‼️Найважче у світі - грати за правилами, коли інші їх порушують.

Підвести когось до краю нових теренів часом цінніше, ніж ступити туди перший крок.

❔️Запитання це чудова життєва стратегія.
❔️Запитання - найбезпечніший шлях у мистецтві переконування.

nashformat.ua як завжди радує незвичними книгами💙💛

[Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

PERSUASION!

Written by Trey Gowdy and published by Crown Forum, New York in 2020, this book is a non-fictional work about the art of persuasion. Trey Gowdy was raised in Spartanburg, South Carolina. After graduating from law school and passing the Bar Examination, Gowdy became a prosecuting attorney in the Spartanburg area. He later ran for, and won, the 4th District Congressional Seat for the state of South Carolina, where he served for eight years. He chaired the “Benghazi Committee” that attempted to find prosecutable fault on the part of Hillary Clinton during the Obama Administration. The Committee failed to do so, and Gowdy earned the ire of some right-wing politicians, apparently including Donald J. Trump. In this atmosphere, Gowdy declined to run for reelection after his fourth term.

Gowdy wrote this book several years ago, and it relates the knowledge he gained while serving as a successful prosecutor. It is all about persuasion, and I found it to be valuable and insightful. I will certainly attempt to put into effect some of the things that Gowdy teaches in this book.

In the Introduction to the book, the author points out that “Persuasion is in part an affirmative duty to prove, but it is also in part proving your point through the art of questioning.” This simple sentence completely sums up the entire point of the book, and the author continues by persuading us that it is true.

He goes on in the very first chapter to convince us that there really are such things as stupid questions. He cites a humorous example from his time as a prosecutor, so don’t let anybody tell you that “There is no such thing as a stupid question; there are only stupid answers.” While this is a commonly heard trope, it is definitely not true, as Trey Gowdy so clearly illustrates in this book. Also in his first chapter, Gowdy points out that “. . . questions are perhaps first and foremost the safest route in the art of persuasion.” He elaborates with “Asking questions just seemed the best way to communicate and persuade while lowering the risk of exposing any personal weaknesses.” That certainly persuades me. He continues by saying: “Persuading someone who is more knowledgeable than I am, now that is what the art of persuasion is all about.” How true!

In his second chapter, the author addresses the more subtle aspects of persuasion: “Are you genuinely open to moving on a position, of altering the way you look at an issue, or considering a different vantage point”? This is very important because some people are so closely married to a particular idea or position that they simply cannot be persuaded, using any methods at all. I believe that I fit into the persuadable category described by the author. Perceptively, Gowdy points out that “When you yourself are persuadable, that means that you are open to new facts, new ideas, new perspectives. I believe that I fit that description, and I bemoan the fact that too many other Americans apparently do not.

Continuing in his second chapter, the author goes on to make an important observation: “. . . when you seek merely to be right or win, more often than not, you’re far from the truth.” Gowdy frequently points out to us the two instances where the power of persuasion is very important: in court cases where one must be able to persuade all twelve of the jurors, and in legislative bodies where you must persuade the other members of the body that your view is the correct one. He frequently uses stories of his cases as a prosecutor, and of his years in the United Sates House of Representatives, to elaborate on the points he is making.

One interesting idea that he shares is his view that debating is a science, but that persuasion is an art. He advises us to pick persuasion when faced with a choice between debate and persuasion. He also tells us that arguing is not persuasive, and he backs up his assertion. He advises us to have a process and a desired conclusion before beginning an attempt to persuade. Also, we should be sure to gather our evidence before we begin that process. Good advice! He goes on to tell us about the best order in which to relate our persuasive facts. He lists the three traits necessary to good persuasion: credibility, believability and likability.

Gowdy discusses the best methods for impeaching one’s opponents in an attempt to persuade that is being contested by another such attempt, such as in courtrooms, and in legislative debate. He talks about the two types of questions: leading and non-leading. Perhaps most importantly, he tells us the most important question that can ever be asked. To learn about it, read the book. It is on Page #124, and it is followed by several pages of supporting persuasion. You might be surprised.

On Page #73, he tells us to be sure not to begin our persuasion with an assertion, but with a question to our audience as to whether or not they are open to new ideas. Some people simply cannot be persuaded at all. Don’t waste your time and effort trying to persuade these folks. I recently broke contact with a friend who began behaving this way. Facts did not matter to him. His views on politics were much like the views of the most ardent believers in a particular religion — totally unpersuadable and never wrong! He analyzes doubt and points out that the jury rule of finding a criminal guilty “beyond a reasonable doubt” requires that they have no more than five percent doubt, and that it is not possible to persuade them beyond all doubt.

There is much, much more to this book — too much to describe in a simple book review. However, lest you believe that you no longer need to read the book because this review contains so many of the author’s quotes, you would be mistaken. Mr. Gowdy provides a great deal of supporting information to back up his assertions, and these include interesting anecdotes as well as a treasure-trove of interesting facts. If you read to work on loan, such as from a library, I recommend that you purchase a hard copy of this book and use it as a reference. Highlight the passages and sentences that you find to be of the most value to you and use Post-it page tabs to mark those pages so that you can find them again easily. You can, of course, instead purchase and e-copy of the book and use similar methods to mark the parts you wish to use as references. If you like the book as much as I did, you will find this to be good advice.

I liked this book and, even though I initially read it on my Kindle, I bought the hardcopy and took my own advice. I highlighted all the important passages, and I tabbed the pages on which they occurred. Now I can lend it to friends and relatives who I believe might benefit from its wisdom. I award all five of the available five stars for this book, and I recommend it highly. Read it! I think you will like it, too.

[Joy Zhou · Rating 3 out of 5]

Before I read this book, I was thinking about what this book could be talking about: asking will always be better than guessing, better than keeping something to yourself, better than doubting all the time. I had great expectations when I knew from the introduction that the author used to be a prosecutor. Based on my personal experience, a successful legal professional must be highly logical in reading and writing. My assumption told me I need to buy this book, even it charged $35 in Indigo. Plus I checked its reviews on Amazon, a 4.9/5. Sounded like you have to have this book.
However the disappointment came after I finished the first chapter. To be more specific, I was feeling angry about it, mainly because this book doesn't worth $35, and I wish I could get a refund. But it would be impossible to return it since I left so many marks and notes on the book.
My overall reading experience is not great. Here are some reasons I don't like it.
1. It's not deep enough.
Imagine you are asked a question about what affects "effective communication", and you need to come up with a few points and explanations within 5 minutes, what would you do? You would probably get a scratch paper and brainstorm.
You would think, hmmm, "effective communication".
You shouldn't lie to each other, which means you need to be honest. What else?
You should get to know the other person, so that you know the best way to inform or receive an information.
Communication shouldn't involve your bias or preference, it has to be objective, and has to be based on facts.
Also you should say things at the right time to the right person.
What else? You also have to be open-minded so that you can think from various perspectives.
You cannot force someone to accept your opinion or agree with you.
You need to have a good understanding of each other's opinions and thoughts, otherwise you would not engage in any conversation.
...
These thoughts are mentioned in this book as well, with lots and lots of examples, just to explain why these factors will work in communication, or in author's opinion, in persuading people.
If you really have no idea about effective communication, you can check on Quora, they gave you even more good points with no repetition at all.
I expect something I read in a book will be deeper and have more insights than what I can get from a website. Obviously this book failed to do so.

2. Too much Unnecessary information & examples
I noticed from the introduction that the author is obsessed with parallelism. It seems like the author couldn't get enough of them. It reminds me of my college years writing papers - parallelism is the last resort to meet the minimum words. The book gives me the same feeling, as it's saying something simple over and over again.
There are also too much background information for the author to tell a story. One might get suspicious that the author was not planning to write a book, but to introduce some people he knew to the readers. You know, kind of providing a reference to us. You will know a lot of great people he knew or has worked with, just to understand a very simple concept. For example, in Chapter 4, "Know your Jury" (Page 51), the author was extremely generous about talking about a judge that he admires. So he talks about how he was scared of him at the beginning, and how he was thinking about naming his daughter after this judge's name, and how it would look like if the judge knew about it (the author did name his daughter after the judge - .-). All this information is to tell readers that you need to know who you are convincing or persuading.
Wow.

3. The book description is misleading
On the cover page it says "Using the power of questions to communicate, connect, and persuade", and you would automatically think it's an educational, self-improving, self-help, and/or scientific learning material. HOWEVER, you wouldn't think that way after you finish it.
The whole book describes the author's personal experiences and stories about how he has enjoyed and mastered communicating and persuading other people. It's definitely fine to mention your achievement if you put all your heart and passion in a job. However, these stories are not meant to support his points, they are written for something else. You couldn't help noticing the grudge or complaints the author has in the book.
The author was a congressman and he talked more politics than about things in court, or about teaching how to persuade. To be more specific, he talks more about how much disappointment he has for politics. This also shows a contradiction in the author. In the book you can feel the author doesn't like people talking about politics all the time, and many things are political. On the other hand, many examples the author gave are about politics.

4. Loose arguments
This means many arguments are not solid, which includes the connection between viewpoints and examples, structures of each chapter, and redundant information. For example, in a subchapter, "Persuasion is incremental" (Page 31), the structure is supposed to argue that persuasion is incremental. That's the main point. But it talks about "wholesale conversion", and gave much examples than needed (as the main point is the argument). Later, the author keeps giving examples of persuasion in daily life, and says they are all incremental. Hmm, ok..ay? After those examples, the author listed some examples about being open-minded, which is not closely related to his main point "be incremental". In conclusion, the author says something new: you have to persuade nicely.
The whole book just makes me feel all the points are randomly mentioned. It does have a structure and its way of telling a story, but many parts are not closely connected. When the author gives examples, it's either using parallelism, or an extremely complicated example to argue for or against a rather simple idea.

Besides all these disappointments, there are also something you can learn. One might also feel like they are more like some tricks. Such as people like to talk more than listen; if you are speaking and want some attention from a group of people, just be silent for a few seconds; be genuine in communication; attacking facts is more efficient than attacking people; concede on small points so that you can be more persuasive on bigger points. These are also things I'm quite familiar when I browse Quora and read "psychological tricks". It will be better if the book can be compressed into smaller articles, if it really meant to teach people persuasion.

In conclusion, this book should work more on its description, as it hardly meets one’s expectation. It shouldn’t be labeled as “self-help”, but political stories.

[Sandu MIHAI · Rating 4 out of 5]

Este adevărat că, cel puțin la o primă vedere pare o carte ușoară. Poate că multiplele exemple folosite, poate că absența unor exprimări de manual o face să pară astfel. Într-un fel, chiar e. Și totuși, cartea oferă și emoție și o clarificare a aspectelor persuasiunii. Fără a fi patetică nici măcar atunci când ne vorbește despre cazuri din tribunalele americane în care însuși autorul a cerut condamnarea la moarte, fără a fi demagogică atunci când vorbește despre experiența sa de senator american, cartea ne vorbește despre importanța unei comunicări eficiente, despre importanța cuvintelor și a întrebărilor ce pot fi folosite cu succes în arta persuasiunii.

E ușor de văzut pasiunea cu care autorul, practicant al auto-interogării, ne transmite că e un lucru benefic pentru toată lumea să învățăm să devenim mai buni ascultători în primul rând, pașii următori fiind cumva logici și urmând oarecum o procedură valabilă în sălile de judecată cu jurați. Tipul și calitatea întrebărilor, și cuvintelor folosite sunt prezentate cu claritate, folosind exemple fie din viața de zi cu zi, fie din lumea politică, fie din cea judiciară.

Iată cum, chiar și un procuror poate emoționa, dacă-și menține „inocența” copilărească a separării albului de negru, a binelui de rău...

Pentru întregul #recenzumat, aici...

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I devoured this book.Trey Gowdy is one of the most incredible minds of our time. He challenges the reader to think for themselves. “What do you believe and why do you believe it?” Those questions on the surface might seem easy... but are they? Mr Gowdy artfully discusses the process of persuasion... and it starts with introspection. And in these times of social media and herd mentality - his message is critical. I’m glad I bought this as an audiobook because it’s read by the author with great spirit and emotion. There were times I found myself welling up as he described some of the criminal cases he prosecuted and how he persuaded the jury. Gowdy is a master of his craft. I also listened to this at 1.2x with ease. Give yourself a gift and read this. I would give this book 10 stars if I could.

[Bruce Clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Class

Trey, you reinforce the fundamental principles that I grew up with but need reminding of. To those who enjoy this book, his weekly podcast will provide you with wisdom and a smile.