What do you think?
Rate this book
Cold Dead Hands
Barry pushed the freezer door shut. Since he was the one whose arm had been slashed up, it would've been nice if somebody else took the initiative to close the damn door, but he'd gripe about that later. Somebody else outside joined in the frantic pounding. Barry looked at his arm again. The broken bottle had gotten him bad...
103 pages, Hardcover
Published March 1, 2021
190 people are currently reading
292 people want to read
About the author
Jeff Strand
230 books2,220 followersBram Stoker Award-winning author of a bunch of demented books, including PRESSURE, DWELLER, CLOWNS VS. SPIDERS, AUTUMN BLEEDS INTO WINTER, MY PRETTIES, the official novelization of ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES, and lots of others!
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews
October 20, 2020
Quick and funny as hell!
Are you a fan of the Coen Brothers' movies? Something like THE BIG LEBOWSKI, RAISING ARIZONA or THE LADYKILLERS? If you are like me, FARGO is one of my top 10 movies ever made. And when I watched SUBURBICON the other day, I knew the brothers had to have had something to do with it, because of the dark humor. The thing I appreciate the most is probably that they don't make comedies in the normal sense, but they take normal people and put them in extraordinary circumstances. The bad things that happen can be hilarious - remember the scene where George Clooney shot Brad Pitt in BURN AFTER READING?
That's what I want to compare Strand's humor to in this novelette.
10 Strangers end up in a freezer when the store they are shopping in comes under attack.
You'll laugh, you'll cry (because you're laughing so hard) and you will think fondly of the way death can be side-splitting funny if it's not happening to you.
LOVED THIS ONE!!!
Are you a fan of the Coen Brothers' movies? Something like THE BIG LEBOWSKI, RAISING ARIZONA or THE LADYKILLERS? If you are like me, FARGO is one of my top 10 movies ever made. And when I watched SUBURBICON the other day, I knew the brothers had to have had something to do with it, because of the dark humor. The thing I appreciate the most is probably that they don't make comedies in the normal sense, but they take normal people and put them in extraordinary circumstances. The bad things that happen can be hilarious - remember the scene where George Clooney shot Brad Pitt in BURN AFTER READING?
That's what I want to compare Strand's humor to in this novelette.
10 Strangers end up in a freezer when the store they are shopping in comes under attack.
You'll laugh, you'll cry (because you're laughing so hard) and you will think fondly of the way death can be side-splitting funny if it's not happening to you.
LOVED THIS ONE!!!
February 13, 2022
There is an attack on a grocery store. A couple of customers flee into a freezing room. Perps are taking hostages. How will the situation end? Will the people in the store survive? What about the perps? What motivation do they have in attacking the store? Was someone killed? Interesting crime scenery with much dialogue but some implausible action. It was captivating but didn't come to the expectations I had from looking at the cover. Also the ending didn't fully convince me. The characters were quite well done. Also the writing itself. The typical average customer in a grocery store. Quick read though.
November 21, 2019
2.5 Stars.
Nope. I like Jeff Strand and I like dark horror (Blister), but this one just wasn't for me; too much like a silly B-type movie.
October 11, 2019
Creative, dark, funny
A group of people take refuge in a walk-in freezer of a grocery shop after being attacked by a bunch of madmen armed with crossbows, axes and knives.
A group of people take refuge in a walk-in freezer of a grocery shop after being attacked by a bunch of madmen armed with crossbows, axes and knives.
January 25, 2019
I’m a big fan of Jeff Strand so it saddens me to say that this book really didn’t work for me. Unfortunately, I found the characters too frustrating to truly enjoy the story. I couldn’t relate to or bond with any of them. None of them had unique voices—they all had a similar sense of humor and display of sarcasm. Nor did they possess distinct personalities, which is why I think the dialogue came across as forced and unrealistic.
The premise itself was good and for a book that takes place within the freezer of a grocery store, Strand successfully delivers an entertaining story. I just think more character development would have helped tremendously to create a greater sense of dread and mounting tension.
The premise itself was good and for a book that takes place within the freezer of a grocery store, Strand successfully delivers an entertaining story. I just think more character development would have helped tremendously to create a greater sense of dread and mounting tension.
February 12, 2019
★★★1/2
This won't be forever changing lives through it's poetic and artistic examinations of character and theme, but it will prove to be a gripping, quick, bloody read one night before bed!
I always say this, but Jeff Strand is like his own genre and his books have a feeling of their own. This story is FAR from being a comedy but not many people can infuse levity into such a dark story but still maintain the dread the way Strand can. The ending is a bit underwhelming but the rest of it moves at a great pace and will definitely keep your attention.
This won't be forever changing lives through it's poetic and artistic examinations of character and theme, but it will prove to be a gripping, quick, bloody read one night before bed!
I always say this, but Jeff Strand is like his own genre and his books have a feeling of their own. This story is FAR from being a comedy but not many people can infuse levity into such a dark story but still maintain the dread the way Strand can. The ending is a bit underwhelming but the rest of it moves at a great pace and will definitely keep your attention.
May 28, 2019
This was an outrageous read, full of black humor, yet it also had some serious moments in a situation where 10 people are trapped in a walk-in freezer during an attack/hostage situation.
Disturbing revelations of social psychology are sometimes at play - When the attackers threaten they will kill the other hostages they are holding in the store unless they come out of the freezer, one of the characters says, "I'm not going to get killed for people I don't know"
Very imaginative, creative writing from an Indie author. A quick entertaining read for only 99 cents.
Disturbing revelations of social psychology are sometimes at play - When the attackers threaten they will kill the other hostages they are holding in the store unless they come out of the freezer, one of the characters says, "I'm not going to get killed for people I don't know"
Very imaginative, creative writing from an Indie author. A quick entertaining read for only 99 cents.
November 11, 2019
This was quite funny. A really short story about 10 strangers stuck in a grocery store freezer when the store comes under seige by hostage takers.
We follow their plans to escape and get out of there, hopefully alive.
Funny, short, interesting, unique. I'd recommend as a quick time passer.
Www.thebeautifulbookbreak.com
We follow their plans to escape and get out of there, hopefully alive.
Funny, short, interesting, unique. I'd recommend as a quick time passer.
Www.thebeautifulbookbreak.com
November 13, 2018
Cold Dead Hands is a short but suspenseful novella that grabs the reader from the very first page, as ten people are trapped in a walk-in freezer when a grocery store massacre goes horribly wrong. Jeff Strand’s talent for writing dialogue shines through in this thriller that combines action with real-world horror.
March 28, 2019
Wasting no time, author Jeff Strand manages to isolate most of his cast of characters in a walk-in freezer. It seemed like a good idea at the time, especially when there were people outside the freezer killing customers in the Sav-Lotz grocery store. OK, no one saw anyone killed, but not for a lack of trying.
Among those inside the freezer were, Barry, whose arm had been cut up. Another man in his forties in a SpongeBob tee. There was Vanessa, Dana, a kid named Pete, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson and Trevor, in his seventies. Minnie, Syllabus, and Chad.
"I'm Chad. Kids used to call me Hanging Chad and I thought they meant I looked like I should be a hangman."
If you're not familiar with Strand's brand of horror, be ready for a bit of humor mixed in with the scares.
Some of the things happening inside the freezer were in the "totally unexpected" category.
While this latest work from Jeff Strand is not his best, it certainly is entertaining and contains more than a few surprises.
Recommended.
At some point, Cold Dead Hands will be available as a signed limited edition novella from Cemetery Dance, but it's available now for your Kindle at Amazon.com. If you subscribe to Kindle Unlimited you can read it at no additional charge. Also, if you are an Amazon Prime member you can read it for FREE using the Kindle Owners Lending Library.
From the author's bio - Jeff Strand is a four-time nominee (and zero-time winner, but c'mon, he lost to Stephen King TWICE!) of the Bram Stoker Award. He is a two-time nominee and one-time WINNER!!!! of the Splatterpunk Award. His novels are usually classified as horror, but they're really all over the place, almost always with a great big dose of humor. He's written five young adult novels that all fall into the "really goofy comedy" category. His book STALKING YOU NOW was adapted into the feature film MINDY HAS TO DIE, which premiered at the Yellow Fever Independent Film Festival in Belfast, Ireland. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia with his wife and one gigantic freaking cat.
Among those inside the freezer were, Barry, whose arm had been cut up. Another man in his forties in a SpongeBob tee. There was Vanessa, Dana, a kid named Pete, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson and Trevor, in his seventies. Minnie, Syllabus, and Chad.
"I'm Chad. Kids used to call me Hanging Chad and I thought they meant I looked like I should be a hangman."
If you're not familiar with Strand's brand of horror, be ready for a bit of humor mixed in with the scares.
Some of the things happening inside the freezer were in the "totally unexpected" category.
While this latest work from Jeff Strand is not his best, it certainly is entertaining and contains more than a few surprises.
Recommended.
At some point, Cold Dead Hands will be available as a signed limited edition novella from Cemetery Dance, but it's available now for your Kindle at Amazon.com. If you subscribe to Kindle Unlimited you can read it at no additional charge. Also, if you are an Amazon Prime member you can read it for FREE using the Kindle Owners Lending Library.
From the author's bio - Jeff Strand is a four-time nominee (and zero-time winner, but c'mon, he lost to Stephen King TWICE!) of the Bram Stoker Award. He is a two-time nominee and one-time WINNER!!!! of the Splatterpunk Award. His novels are usually classified as horror, but they're really all over the place, almost always with a great big dose of humor. He's written five young adult novels that all fall into the "really goofy comedy" category. His book STALKING YOU NOW was adapted into the feature film MINDY HAS TO DIE, which premiered at the Yellow Fever Independent Film Festival in Belfast, Ireland. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia with his wife and one gigantic freaking cat.
November 21, 2018
Jeff Strand's COLD DEAD HANDS takes place in a freezer. I'd heard a lot about method acting and I wanted to test if the practice translated to reading. I dropped trousers and went outside into the cold November night with COLD DEAD HANDS tucked under my arm. It was cold. The book, the air, all of it.
Reading a book that takes place in the freezer while freezing your ass off really adds atmosphere. Which is odd because cold air contracts so you would think it would subtract atmosphere. But this is literary atmosphere we are talking about and when you talk about literary atmosphere all the rules go right out the window.
COLD DEAD HANDS is a quick read. Thank goodness because my shriveled up scrotum was really becoming uncomfortable. It's purple now. I finished reading the book (which was really good by the way) and I'm now warming up my COLD DEAD HANDS and shriveled up scrotum.
The read was immersive but I think you'll do just fine reading it in relative warmth. It's just that good. The character really drive the story, a sort of slasher tale served up four ways. The characters didn't even complain too much about the cold until very near the end. I was complaining about the cold much sooner.
COLD DEAD HANDS is a great quick read. If you plan on reading one book naked and exposed to the elements, make it COLD DEAD HANDS. You'll read it quick because it's a real page turner. You can get back inside, warm up and choose your next awesome Jeff Strand book.
Now, I wonder if any of Jeff Strand's books take place in the Caribbean...
Reading a book that takes place in the freezer while freezing your ass off really adds atmosphere. Which is odd because cold air contracts so you would think it would subtract atmosphere. But this is literary atmosphere we are talking about and when you talk about literary atmosphere all the rules go right out the window.
COLD DEAD HANDS is a quick read. Thank goodness because my shriveled up scrotum was really becoming uncomfortable. It's purple now. I finished reading the book (which was really good by the way) and I'm now warming up my COLD DEAD HANDS and shriveled up scrotum.
The read was immersive but I think you'll do just fine reading it in relative warmth. It's just that good. The character really drive the story, a sort of slasher tale served up four ways. The characters didn't even complain too much about the cold until very near the end. I was complaining about the cold much sooner.
COLD DEAD HANDS is a great quick read. If you plan on reading one book naked and exposed to the elements, make it COLD DEAD HANDS. You'll read it quick because it's a real page turner. You can get back inside, warm up and choose your next awesome Jeff Strand book.
Now, I wonder if any of Jeff Strand's books take place in the Caribbean...
December 14, 2018
Always a fan of Strand's work. This would make for a great one-act play.
August 19, 2022
I read this forever ago, but apparently I never typed my review. Since Goodreads has gotten stupid over the past few weeks, it's showing that I just finished the book today, August 19th. Huh?
Anyway, I loved the book. It has Jeff Strand's classic dark humor. I know I typed a full review after I read it. If I can find it, I'll add it here at some point.
Anyway, I loved the book. It has Jeff Strand's classic dark humor. I know I typed a full review after I read it. If I can find it, I'll add it here at some point.
November 18, 2019
3.5 stars-closer to 4---Review soon to come
November 29, 2019
Original, humorous, and a little dark, Cold Dead Hands is an enjoyable novella that is sure to fill up your lunch hour with blood, chuckles, and a bit of frostbite.
May 23, 2021
Strand never disappoints, and this novella is no exception. A fast paced read with tense action, a high body count, and that patented snarky charm that all Jeff Strand books possess. 📚📚📚
November 15, 2020
This was a quick little gore-fest filled with dark humor. An ice cold killer comedy.
March 9, 2021
I received this as an ARC from Cemetery Dance last year. My history with Strand's books hasn't been positive so I put it off. I love dark humor but Strand's brand seems to be more like a slap schtick movie. I see the merit in it. There is definitely an audience for it. It isn't for me. This book wasn't horrible. (None of his books I have read are horrible.) There were redeeming points but overall I tend to find his humor incompatible to mine. I would compare it to when I talk my husband into watching American Idol. While there are entertaining bits, overall he would rather be watching anything else. I am rounding up to 3 stars because I know this isn't a quality issue but a personal preference.
April 16, 2019
I'm still getting used to Strand's style and believe this was the second book I've read by him. It is well done in terms of mixing violence with comic relief, I'm just not yet sure it's my thing, personally. But to immediately contradict myself, I really did enjoy this story so I suppose I owe it to myself to read more by Strand in order to solidify an opinion! I will say that going into this one being familiar with his style made it a lot more enjoyable; the first book I read by him, I didn't know what to expect and was a little put off. I would definitely recommend this to others!
December 26, 2018
Jeff Strand fun
This novella had the usual Strand feel....sarcastic, ironic, and a great comedy of errors. It’s a short and fun read. It lacks some of the pure wacky creativity that Jeff includes in the majority of his stories but it still works. Wrap up was a little quick. However, if you are looking for a quick fun read without the horror element, this is the Strand book for you.
This novella had the usual Strand feel....sarcastic, ironic, and a great comedy of errors. It’s a short and fun read. It lacks some of the pure wacky creativity that Jeff includes in the majority of his stories but it still works. Wrap up was a little quick. However, if you are looking for a quick fun read without the horror element, this is the Strand book for you.
November 15, 2018
Another winner by Jeff Strand - the master at writing horrible situations but somehow making them humorous. This is an extremely fast read. A novella plus the pace is so fast you will NOT put it down until completed. Trademark witty dialogue. Highly recommended!
September 11, 2021
“An avocado. One fucking avocado for one fucking BLT. I'm going to die because of an avocado.” 🥑
“Cold Dead Hands” by Jeff Strand gets a 3.5 out of 5 stars!
In less than 75 pages, Strand has brought light humor to a horrible situation in this quick horror short. The group of characters within the freezer and their reactions were relatable. The motive for the attack wasn’t really clear in my opinion, but situations like that may not even have one to begin with, let alone, completely planned out. This reads as it occurs so history and development are cut thin. Like all short stories, the ending came too soon and I wanted more. I enjoy Strand’s other works and this was a decent fast-paced read.
Rating rounded up. Please visit my GoodReads profile or website for more reviews. Thank you!
“Cold Dead Hands” by Jeff Strand gets a 3.5 out of 5 stars!
In less than 75 pages, Strand has brought light humor to a horrible situation in this quick horror short. The group of characters within the freezer and their reactions were relatable. The motive for the attack wasn’t really clear in my opinion, but situations like that may not even have one to begin with, let alone, completely planned out. This reads as it occurs so history and development are cut thin. Like all short stories, the ending came too soon and I wanted more. I enjoy Strand’s other works and this was a decent fast-paced read.
Rating rounded up. Please visit my GoodReads profile or website for more reviews. Thank you!
October 10, 2025
Pretty st(r)andard, if I'm honest. Interesting premise established mostly through dialogue between the characters, though the attempts at humour fell flatter than the usual Strand read.
Maybe that's just the headspace I was in, though, because this is a very short read and can easily be consumed in one sitting - though it took me two. Judge as you will.
3 Convenient Places to Hide for Cold Dead Hands.
Maybe that's just the headspace I was in, though, because this is a very short read and can easily be consumed in one sitting - though it took me two. Judge as you will.
3 Convenient Places to Hide for Cold Dead Hands.
September 24, 2022
So, this was weird! I’m not sure what I read but it was certainly tense, disturbing and completely odd; something I’m learning to expect from this author. This is a super short read that literally opens with a bang. There are some triggers as this does deal with a hostage situation at a grocery store. Four men storm the store brandishing weapons and begin killing people. The story revolves around a small group of bystanders who try to escape the situation by hiding in the stores industrial freezer. Again this was weird but I do wish the end elaborated a bit more. It was over in a blink.
June 20, 2021
Not perfect but it was a good quick read.
October 28, 2020
Excellent!
Those are not your usual terrorists, neither your usual hostages. Again, Jeff Strand use a thematic too well-known and add his own spices! Delightful!
Those are not your usual terrorists, neither your usual hostages. Again, Jeff Strand use a thematic too well-known and add his own spices! Delightful!
October 26, 2020
More crime than horror and a little less humor than usual this novella was an inventive and compelling read. In my early years I worked in a few restaurants and did my time in walk-in freezers so I could relate.
February 7, 2019
Strange
One of the strangest books I've ever read. I think I might even have the skill to write a book like that...
One of the strangest books I've ever read. I think I might even have the skill to write a book like that...
October 1, 2020
No avocados
Amazing story! I'm so glad I found it. I've read quite a bit of Jeff Strands work and this is by far one of my favorites.
Amazing story! I'm so glad I found it. I've read quite a bit of Jeff Strands work and this is by far one of my favorites.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews