Neil

by Simon McHardy, Sean Hawker

Warning! This book contains graphic content and adult language. It may disturb some readers and should only be read by seasoned readers of extreme sexual horror and violence.

Neil doesn’t have much going for him. Still living in his mother’s basement, spending all of his free time eating fried chicken, watching horror movies, and working a dead-end job wiping ass at the One Oak nursing home. That is until he receives a demonic gift from an ailing serial killer that transforms him into a monstrous, tentacle-armed behemoth.

With his newfound abilities, Neil embarks on a killing spree with the intention of becoming the most notorious serial killer of all time. Maybe then, he will win the heart of his work colleague, Lindsay. But Lindsay has some secrets of her own and may prove not to be the sweet, delicate girl he thinks she is.

Genres: Horror, Splatterpunk

120 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 6, 2021

About the author

Simon McHardy is the author of the infamous MOTHER MAGGOT. He lives a reclusive life in Tasmania Australia. Due to the extreme nature of his books, most are exclusive to Godless.com.

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I'm going to poach the tag line from Wayne's World; 'You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll hurl.' I'm honestly not sure what I just read. This was totally demented and obscene, but also completely amusing. I laughed so loud at some of the utterly ridiculous lines in here, which I can't repeat because I'm too shy. My wife asked me what I was reading and just told her that if I gave her the real answer, she may divorce me. But this is a quick read, and the writing is really well done. You honestly don't like any of the characters, and that makes the chaos that ensues so much easier to stomach. The violence somehow wasn't that bad, even though quite predominant and extreme, compared to the sexual content. But this was almost funnier than anything else, so if you have a really distasteful and inappropriate sense of humor, this book is for you.

[Mort]

I wouldn’t even know where to begin rating this one.

The word for today is: HYPERBOLE
Do you know what ‘hyperbole’ means? It’s when things are exaggerated to make a point.
Well, first off, this is a bizarro story which has hyperbole for, well, everything. That is the only good thing I can tell the human race – it’s not really possible, at least not to this extent – so please don’t lock yourself away in a bomb shelter when you get old…unless that’s your thing…whatever tickles your fanny and all.

Second, when I say this story covers all the triggers, it is NOT hyperbole. I can’t think of a trigger it didn’t have. In fact, these fuckers created at least three more triggers which didn’t exist before this story was written.

What else can I say? I pushed through this one and I felt like a marathon athlete who just completed his first race – it was a test of endurance and I can honestly say I survived this with at least some level of PTSD.

Now, Hawker, while I haven’t read that much by you, I still have to ask – What the fuck, man??? I know Simon needs a huge, huge hug…what’s your excuse?

Seriously, everyone, I want to thank Simon for this ARC and I recommend it to all sick bastards out there – I would have shot this down completely as gross-out boundary-pushing, if I didn’t have a very soft spot for intelligent humor…yes, man, that is meant as a complement.

Abandon all taste, ye whose eyes enter here – you have been warned!

[Janie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm speechless. How often does that happen? Ask my husband. How do I review this book? It contains every trigger known and then makes up some more. The depravity is over the top and under the bottom. The violence and gore soar past eleven. Simon McHardy and Sean Hawker seamlessly created a monster, and now I want them to bring another to life. Her name is Lindsay. For those among you who appreciate the best of the extreme, I will see you in the next (hopefully) collaboration. Literally? Who can tell with these two?

[MadameD · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow!!! Wow!! Wow!!! That was sick!!!😵‍💫🤢🤮
I’m catching my breath.
This, is the most disgusting book, I ever read, ever!
Well, until Simon McHardy and Sean Hawker, write another book.

I’m questioning myself. I don’t know, how I can read all the sick things, Simon and Sean can imagine. Sometimes, I’m even ashamed of myself, for laughing so hard at all this, absurd, violent, disgusting stories.
No, I’m kidding.😆

I don’t know how it happened, but I became a fan of the bizarro, splatter-punk genre.
If, you enjoy, brutal, disgusting, disturbing, grotesque stories, you’ll love Neil!! I Loved it!!
I puked, a little bit in my mouth, several times, but it was worth it. I laughed out loud, a lot!😂

I highly recommend it, to readers with a dark sense of humor, I mean super, very dark sense of humor, and zero trigger!
I can’t wait to read the sequel!!😁

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brutal….intense great reading

[River Dixon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Everyone needs to read this as soon as possible. Everyone.

[Regina Watts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simon and Sean were just MADE for each other. This joint effort is so well unified it feels written by one person, and the result is a book that makes both authors shine. An ultra brutal splatterpunk slasher with a unique villain and bleak protagonist, NEIL is a great new offering from McHardy and a great way to get to know Hawker if you don't already!

[John The Crippledgimp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy Fuck what the..... Ok first of all Sean Hawker this is not a good bedtime story like you told me it was. I have nothing but regret in taking your advice and reading this to my daughter before bed because now she's obsessed with masks, working in old folks homes, and fat guys named Neil... So thanks for that 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆. All kidding aside this book was just messed up on every scale, over the top gore, awesomely vile, and brutally disgusting. McHardy and Hawker are the kings of disgusting and never fail to deliver the most comedic, fucked up, violent,and wretch heavy bizarro/horror that's out there and they just keep getting better. Highly recommend if ya can stomach it.

[Renée · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well that was a wild ride. Crazy, hilarious, demented and absolutely vile, I cackled like a madwoman. But I expected nothing less from these guys. Two of the sickest minds in splatterpunk, McHardy and Hawker are a match made in hell and I’m looking forward to their next twisted offering.

[Corrina Morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, I was lucky enough to wake up one morning to NEIL in my inbox! 😉 And this was exactly what I expected from Simon and Sean, two of my most fave fucked up horror authors!! Their minds are so alike, you can't tell who wrote what!! The whole brilliantly fucked up story flows so well, (mostly with cum, shit and blood) It's straight in with the nastiness, making me want to vomit in record breaking time!! 🤢
I'm definitely gonna keep a lookout for a spa called The Pampered Clam!!!! And avoid it like the plague!!!!
The asphyxiation chapter had me in hysterics! I am such a bad person 🤦‍♀️😂
More of these awesome collaborations please you too....I live for your stories!!!!
5 steaming bowls from me 🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵

[Brandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t know how to review this book, lol!!! Here is my attempt, but it will not do it justice…

Over-the-top, absolutely disgusting, completely hateful characters, grotesque sexual acts and so much torture. This is extreme horror to say the least!! I actually had to skim over a couple of parts because they were too gross for me!! Poop is my nemesis!!!!! The humor is fantastic and the authors, McHardy and Hawker, are extreme horror legends. You’ve outdone yourselves this time! I’m still gagging! 🤮🤮

PS - ending was GREAT!!

[Matthew Clarke · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hilarious, disgusting adventure from the power couple of the century. The characters are fell developed and fleshed out which made it even easier to visualize the debauchery in real-time. The chapters are short and easily digestible making it the perfect book to read on the go (It should be said, however, with names like ASSPHYXIATION and SUITCASE ANAL CREAMPIE you'll probably want to wait until you're off the bus). Can't wait for more from these two hunks!

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

You have to wonder what the hell the back-and-forth was like between Simon McHardy and Sean Hawker as they collaborated on cranking this nasty bit of work out. Like a dynamic duo of depravity, these two have crafted a creature feature loaded with possibly every flavor of fuckedupedness they could scoop into a manuscript. Mainly starring Neil, a schlub of a nursing home worker who when he's not wiping wrinkly butts and getting touchy-feely fresh with dementia patients, longs to lose his v-card to the new girl on the ward, Lindsay, who's got something way worse than a skeleton putrefying in her closet. When Neil inherits a magical mask that transforms him into an otherworldly killer with a penchant for putting his tentacle where it doesn't belong--sort of like if Jim Carrey in "The Mask" spent a majority of the movie sodomizing Cameron Diaz--the story really hits its stride. McHardy and Hawker's styles are so similar in their brutally dark humor, that the work is woven together seamlessly. It would be a disservice to these boys to further spoil what is arguably their most exciting and out there material to date. An extremely creative, fun, and insanely over-the-top romp, Neil is sure to tickle the taints of those comfortable with the idea that you may or may not find yourself reading a chapter involving a lubed up little person inserting himself headfirst up a dude's butt.

[Mounkey · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a gore soaked, amazing twisted tale!

You wanted the best you got the best!!!

Great story , tons of savagery and brutal scenes.

Definitely a book 2… I hope !

[Tim Eagle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Neil is bizarre, gross, and disturbing, but with as much three dimensional depth one can get in extreme horror. I'm going to discuss Neil, he's a movie going, comic book collecting nerd that wants some female, and he transforms into a serial killer when he finds a magical mask from a resident in a nursing home. Although this story is fast paced and full of extreme gore there's still depth in the fact that dysfunction is a constant in the world and horror is the perfect platform for it. When the reader peels the layers back it comes down to how lonely, judgmental and biased society truly is. Neil transforms into something that nobody wants to see or deal with, and in the end, well I won't spoil it, but will ask, is there a sequel? Get this book if you love all the stuff that Universal Studios isn't.

[Rayne Havok · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has everything you expect to find inside a book made by two of the most twisted minds out there right now.
I can't even say anything without fear of censorship, there's a part where the thing happens. And then that time at the place, doing the thing. Ahhhhh! Hysterical and disgusting.
Have you ever wanted to laugh and barf at the same time? You can with these guys.
I don't want a world where these two don't write together. The earth may explode because of it, but it's so much funner this way!

[Todd Love · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Clarke rolled that tear, I really felt that emotional moment.
Simon and Sean are the perfect couple and their first born, Neil, is a monster, inside and out. Inside of Neil is a mess and once Neil gets his hand and tentacle on you, so are your insides.
Well written, funny, heaps of gore, and buckets of uncomfortable disgusting imagines that may cause involuntary shakes and vomiting.
5 shakey hand jobs out of 5.

[Lindsay Crook · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mchardy and Hawker are the dream team of absolute gross out filth. I loved Neil it was all that it promised it'd be. The kills were imaginative and outrageous just what I expected from both Simon and Sean and I can't wait for more collaboratios.
Lindsay definitely needs a sequel. I'm just saying she obviously has unfinished business right.

[Lisa Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Neil is an extreme horror novella by Simon McHardy and Sean Hawker. I sat down to eat, picked it up, read the first chapter, set it back down, and wondered how I could forget that anything written by Sean Hawker and food don’t go together. This story starts strong with some of the most horrifying and graphic horror you can imagine. It’s not just the graphic and gruesome imagery, the content is truly horrific, horrifying, holy-cow-what-did-I-just-read impactful. I didn’t know whether to scream, cry, or puke (I almost puked). And that was just the first chapter.

The authors take gruesome real-world horrors, crank them up to 11, and combine them with a freaky supernatural element to create a well-fleshed, cohesive story. The characters are even surprisingly fleshed out and vivid for extreme horror of this magnitude (Of course, if you are familiar with these authors, you probably wouldn’t be surprised by that). And in spite of my initial gastric reaction, I enjoyed the story as an extreme horror reader.

Neil is a must-read for extreme horror fans with strong constitutions, but don’t eat and read with this one. Just don’t.

[Jeremy Maddux · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dammit, Simon...

[Peter Caffrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this in late 2021 and forgot to leave a review due to circumstances.

A little background: I was in hospital for some diagnostic surgery. They moved me to the end of the list so they had time to do any additional biopsies and rooting around, which meany I spent most of the day sitting in the recovery room, watching others come back from their ops. Surrounded by people spitting up blood, moaning in pain and generally being fucked up, I needed a break from it all, so I read Neil.

What a journey that was. Every time I thought I had a handle on things, it moved up another gear and came in hot and heavy. Carnage upon carnage left me laughing out loud amongst a room full of broken people. It certainly added to the value of what I was reading, and I’m sure the authors would have had collective hard-ones for way the groans of the patients melded with their words of filth. I did!

If you haven’t read Neil, read it now. I mean right now. If you get the option to read it in a surgical recovery room, grab that puppy with both hands!

[Bean · Rating 4 out of 5]

Meet Neil. A young man who loves fried chicken, internet porn and horror movies. He makes his dollars by working in a nursing home but still lives with his obese, demanding Mother, waiting on his Momo hand and foot, regardless of his own schedule or needs. One day on his shift he is properly introduced to an elderly patient, Mr. Borev aka the Bulgarian Fuckbeast, a serial mass rapist and murderer who takes an interest in young Neil and bequeaths unto him a rubber mask that will change Neil's life. Raping, tentacled cannibalistic mayhem ensues. Only two people survive Neil's onslaught, maybe there will be a sequel? One can only hope. 4 out of 5 slime-covered tentacles

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well that was a disgusting disturbing collaboration. Both of these authors can write very well, and when you combine the two of them. You get this splatter masterpiece.

[Christina Pfeiffer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Neil by Simon Mchardy and Sean Hawker

Tl;DR - if you don’t buy this you are, what my 4 year old calls, a dumb dumb.

Dear Simon and now Sean,

This is a true love letter to your writing. I don’t have a ton of funny stuff for this one because I have feelings about Neil (with Neil), shit I don’t know. The utter desperation that you both seemed to write really can give someone heavy boots.

This book is absolutely entertaining, gory, and every bit as fucked up as every other thing you two have written but this is different. While rooted in absurdity, this feels as if you dumped your feelings and the result was a cathartic mind fuck.

Let me explain.

Friends, I’m going to use a word that is probably Mchardy and Hawker’s kryptonite… tame. Yes. I wrote the correct word. It’s not made up and is used on a regular basis. Neil is tame in comparison to previous works and I’m living for it. Look, a man is still jacked off by a man with Parkinson’s and another man gets a knife in the dick so it isn’t like reading Nicholas Sparks. There is no love story, just depravity.

But not without it’s commentary. — I’m pausing here because I don’t want you thinking this filled with it, it’s sprinkled like confetti. Pretty if you are looking at it, but easy to ignore.— Social media influencers, Hollywood’s bullshit get rich quick schemes, idolizing fucked up celebrities, and how we treat people are all apart of this commentary.

I do have questions though. Does this tag team despise fat people or are they closeted chubby chasers? And what is with fried chicken? These and many other questions will force fuck your skull as you read this.

I want to give you a taste, a snack sized bite of the fun this book truly holds. Here are three of my favorite chapter titles: Pussy Broth, ASSphyxiation, and Suitcase Anal Creampie. I’m pretty sure those were taken from the Bible but I am too lazy to check.

Hawker and Mchardy give us a lot in Neil. What we are used to and somethings that will be new. By far, this is my favorite from both (either) of them and I think readers will be pleasantly (ha, I’m lying, there isn’t anything pleasant in Neil) surprised.

Maybe Simon bringing Sean on as a partner has made the curse on my family disappear? Or are they setting me up and I’m letting my guard down. Those crafty bastards…

5/5 Fat fucks

[Rachel the Page-Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh, Neil. What can you even say about an extreme horror novella like this one? It was disgusting, perverse, demented and depraved. It was also funny, original and I think it would be enjoyable to anyone who reads splatterpunk.

Neil is kind of a loser. He’s an unattractive and overweight virgin who lives in his mom’s basement and works as an orderly at a nursing home. As soon as work is over, he comes home to take care of his beyond-morbidily-obese mother, so most of his life is shit. Literally.

One day, a patient looks him in the eye and asks him a random question: “Do you want to kill?”. Neil decides yeah, that actually would be pretty cool. With the man’s help, he sets out to be the most accomplished serial killer in history, and the chapters go through that happening in brutal detail.

The writing was simple, but effective. The story was decent and I liked the plot better than I thought I would. I was definitely grossed out, and definitely entertained! Four stars for a story that is pure fuckery.

[Dakota Dawe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fried Chicken? Check

Morbidly Obese Characters? Check

Dark Humor? Check

This book has everything I come to expect from McHardy and more. Throw The Hawkman into the mix and you get something so gross it should be illegal. Come on, vaginal steaming? The broth?? I think I may have to stay away from my fiancé for a while after that, I don’t want to think about vaginas. I loved every minute of reading this book, and the combination is a match made in the bowels of hell. I really hope to see these two work together again, they’re amazing at writing in one voice. If I didn’t make that checklist I might not have known who wrote what parts!

[Rachael · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is my second time reading this one and I still love Neil. Who is Neil you ask? Well, he is a serial-killing, pussy-destroying, tentacle-armed, twenty-inch cock monster! Got it? Good.

McHardy and Hawker are freaking dynamite together!! I mean, whats not to love from these two? The shit they come up with is insane and crazy! Keep them coming boys!!

Happy Reading and Splatter On.....

[DA · Rating 5 out of 5]

Neil obtains a mask from an elderly serial killer. Once he dons the mask he becomes a giant tentacled angry horny monster that wreaks havoc in his town. Murder and mayhem at it's finest.

[Mw Mw · Rating 5 out of 5]

The more I read books by these two authors the more I’m convinced that they were both at one time incarcerated at a maximum security facility. Reading Neil is like watching a terrible car wreck. Like one you can’t tear your eyes away from. A terrible, vile, rapey, poop covered, vomit inducing car wreck. If I ever need a synonym for male or female genitalia, I will be referring to this book, there’s pages of them. Also, didn’t know that spas like the Pampered Clam actually existed. Good information! I’m making an appointment for one in my city called Sitting Pretty, for this weekend. Thanks!

[Olivia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was absolutely disgusting and morbid. The plot was so off the wall that it peaked my interest to the max and i didn't get bored. Very fast paced.Loved it!
Also at some points I cackled out loud.. some of the things in this book are so extreme it's almost funny. Check trigger warnings probably has all of them!
Only for lovers of extreme horror/splatterpunk/bizzaro.