Not ‘Him’ or ‘Her’: Accepting and Loving My Non-Binary Child: Here’s What You Should Know

by Michelle Mann

Has your child told you that they no longer identify with the gender they were assigned at birth? Have they asked you to use specific pronouns with them? Told you that they no longer want to be called “he” or “she?”Your child has identified as non-binary, and many parents won’t have had the first clue what was coming. You probably don’t know what to think or what to feel. You don’t know how to act, what you are supposed to do, and how to give your child the support they need. That’s why I wrote this guide for parents, a guide that you can refer to at any point during your journey when you are uncertain of what to do, how to feel, or when you just want to understand how someone else managed the situation.This guide is written as a series of personal stories, and here’s what you will What non-binary meansWhat pronouns you should be usingHow to support your non-binary childHow to tell the rest of your family, your child’s school, friends, and so onBeing non-binary from a teenager’s point of viewThe gender spectrumThe top nine things that people always get wrong about non-binary peopleAnd much moreThis is a no-nonsense, straightforward guide that acts as a line of support to help you understand the support your child needs and to guide you through the tricky minefield ahead.If your child has come out as non-binary or you suspect that they may be about to, scroll up, hit that Buy Now button, and get the only guide you will ever need.

Genres: Collections, Nonfiction

84 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 18, 2021

About the author

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door…”

Michelle Mann is a native of New York City and holds a master’s in psychology from Harvard University. She works full-time as a psychologist, is a busy but happy mother of 4 and an author of self-help and parenting books that are designed to help stressed out parents to make the most of their child’s formative years.

Her book, Parenting Pre-schoolers 2 to 5 Years Old, provides 20 tips for parents that is aimed at helping them deal with their child’s emotions and build effective lines of communications in what can often the most challenging of times for parents, whether they are first-timers or have already experienced it and want to avoid making the same mistakes.

Today, Michelle lives in New York with her husband, their 4 kids and a cat named Skipper. She loves going to Broadway shows, riding horses and allowing her creative side to flourish and grow through her book writing and painting.

She hopes that the future will provide her with enough spare time to write even more self-help and parenting books, so that she can reach even more parents who are struggling with busy careers and family lives, enabling them to find the solutions that will help them to thrive.

Reviews

[Oliver Ha]

A halfway decent primer if you're starting from literally 0 knowledge. I was grammatically peeved that:
1. She insinuated that English speakers didn't historically use they/them/theirs to refer to single people. We do all the time. Ex: "My cousin is in the hospital!" "Oh my gosh, are they okay?"
2. She kept using non-binary as a noun. It is an adjective: "they are a non-binary person", not "they are a non-binary" - the latter is a bit othering and demeaning.
3. The non-gendered singular reflexive pronoun is "themself" not "themselves."

Thanks for attending my lecture. Michelle, if you need an editor, hit me up.

[Julie Porter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not Him or Her Accepting and Loving My Non Binary Child Here's What You Should Know by Michelle Mann is a good book that covers an important topic, how to raise a non binary child in a world that isn't always understanding.

Mann brings forward an important topic that has been very controversial lately. She humanizes the conflicts that many non binary children and their cisgendered parents go through within their own families and society. It also shows that the most important keys in such families are understanding and acceptance.
Parents and others can be inclusive by exhibiting proper characteristics like using the right preferred pronouns and defending the child in front of others.

The personal stories add a great touch to the book, especially in revealing the diversity of parents and their children's experiences. Various situations are covered, such as Simone having to take excess time to explain to a dental assistant that her child was nonbinary. They show how many of the simplest procedures could produce stress because of a judgemental society.

The book covers different age groups of non-binary children from early childhood, to teenagers, to adulthood. This counters the whole myth that "It's a phase. They'll outgrow it." Mann openly counters such myths and assumptions and how they contribute to a lack of acceptance within the child.

Not Him or Her shows how devaluing and demeaning those myths are and how gender identity is often influenced by parental and societal views that either encourage or demean the child.
Bottom line: If the child is old enough to recognize gender in society around them through toys, advertising, and adult perspective, then they are old enough to recognize the gender identity within themselves.

Not Him or Her reminds the Readers that the most important things that they can do for their child is to understand, accept, and unconditionally love them.

[P.G.R. G. R. Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

This is an excellent book to learn about how to cope with the struggles you as a parent and the child face by coming out as a non binary. Very knowledgeable and well-written book.

[A. Drachenstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful

Easy to understand and emphasise with coming to terms with a non-binary person in your life. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Olivia Monroe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent guide!

[Kristen Montgomery Breh · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great primer on gender and pronouns for anyone who wants to learn more

[Katie Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well researched and full of information

This is a great book for parents of non-binary kids. There are a lot of discussion topics to help prepare the parents for the future, and several suggestions on how best to support the kids. From pronoun selections to new names to prepping for bullies, this os an all-around great guide to get you started on your path to acceptance.