Head Above Water

by C.E. Ricci

That’s the thing about hearts—
Like waves, they break too.

Grief.
I’ve never battled with the raw, debilitating pain that comes with it.
Then a twist of fate hits me out of nowhere, and I can barely keep from drowning.
It’s like weights tied to my ankles in the middle of a raging ocean.
I’m helpless, with no way to swim back to the surface.
But fate is crueler still, bringing my stepbrother back for the first time in years.
Cannon never wanted this family. Especially me.
Still, he’s always been my greatest desire. And my biggest weakness.
He’s unattainable.
Straight, engaged, and with a seemingly perfect life on the other side of the country.
It’s something I’d do well to remember, yet when he stays, it’s so easy to forget.
In finding solace together, we mend what once was broken.
This loss bonds us. Changes us.
He’s become more than a brother or a lover.
He’s my anchor.
So how am I supposed to keep my head above water when I’ll eventually lose him too?

*Head Above Water is a STANDALONE full length MM enemies-to-lovers stepbrother romance novel.*

Genres: M M Romance, Romance, Enemies To Lovers, Contemporary, LGBT, Audiobook, Second Chance

440 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 15, 2021

About the author

CE Ricci is a USA Today and international best-selling author who enjoys plenty of things in her free time, but writing about herself in the third person isn’t one of them. She believes home isn’t a place, but a feeling, and it’s one she gets when she’s chilling lakeside or on hiking trails with her dogs, camera in hand. She’s addicted to all things photography, plants, peaks, puppies, and paperbacks, though not necessarily in that order. Music is her love language, and traveling the country (and world) is the way she chooses to find most of her inspiration for whatever epic love story she will tell next!

CE Ricci is represented by Two Daisy Media.
For all subsidiary rights, please contact Savannah Greenwell: info@twodaisy.com

Join CE Ricci's reader group here!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/wreck...

Reviews

[Chelsea · Rating 1 out of 5]

Welcome to my cooking channel. Where I roast the shit out of books that are lacking in flavour, (sometimes) spice and depth.

THIS RECIPE IS 100% SPOILER FULL.
THERE ARE 10 STEPS TO MY CREATION AND PROMISE IT'S WORTH IT TO READ.
maybe?

Do not read this if you are wanting to read this, or want your feelings to be considered because I'm going in RAW, and we are all getting food poisoning babyyyyyyyyy.
(I will come back to this RAW reference as it is a crucial part of my recipe/analysis, also please be aware I will not get into the grief sides of this book too much, if at all, because I couldn't overlook all the ridiculous shit I was reading to really feel the grief properly in this book. Check your trigger warnings if you read it)

Now: on to my recipe.

Nothing says 1 star ⭐ like the following ingredients all added together to make an absolute shit show of a book...


Step 1: Insert a cheating trope. Right away, you will have a large (not all I know, I know) but large % of readers off hand right from the start. YUM!

Step 2: Add a side of "falling in love because *reasons*" because PEOPLE LOVE SEEING PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE FOR SEEMINGLY NO REASON 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Step 3: Add in some time skips... How many you ask? not 1.. not 2.. not 3.. not 4.. (you get the picture) 8!!! 8 FUCKING TIME SKIPS!!
Nothing says delicious and tasty relationship building like just completely skipping over it and reminiscing in small parts and fragments later about what happened, at some point, at some time...

Step 4: To season, add some insane flip flopping emotions somewhere on the scale between "OMG MY PARENTS ARE DEAD" and "I NEED TO FUCK MY STEPBRO"...
but make sure you are heavy handed with the "need to fuck the step bro", because grief is only necessary in particular parts of the story/recipe.
DO NOT ADD WHEN HORNY.
HORNY MUST COME BEFORE ANY EXISTENTIAL DREAD ABOUT DEAD PARENTS, OR WORST CASE DURING OR SLIGHTLY AFTER EXISTENTIAL DREAD EPISODES.
THINK OF THE FLAVOUR THIS WILL ADD.....

Step 5: Ensure absolutely no excess words are added when discussing SAFE SEX. If you add more than 2 words, the recipe may spoil. Safe sex is not important, and when one MC says "condom" please make sure the only response given is "RAW" (IM NOT FUCKING KIDDING THAT IS THE ONLY DISCUSSION THAT THEY HAVE, 2 FUCKING WORDS. KMS)

Step 6: Make sure you justify and overshadow fucking your step bro by claiming "I'm only doing this because he needs it right now".. this will add really well into the fuckery already baking in this book. fuck the pain away, ammirighttttt. 1 star for you glen coco, you go glen coco.

Step 7: This recipe now, should feel really dry... And you know what else YOU SHOULD DO REALLY DRY, fuck your boyfriend ass at his dead parents funeral.... ✨
For the love of god, why am I still here. I hate myself. someone come end me at this point.

Step 8: Please remember step 1, because none of the MC's seem to fucking remember that there is a human woman just at home thinking her fiancé is grieving, not dicking his stepbro on repeat.

Step 9: Just really make sure you don't mention the fiancé anywhere between step 1 and 8 though, because we don't want to remember or think about what awful humans the mc's actually are because ✨inlove now✨.

Step 10: THE HYPOTHETICAL ICING TO OUR RECIPE. ADD CRINGE. MAKE SURE YOU DO THIS RIGHT AT THE END WHEN YOU STILL HAVE A FIANCE, WHO YOU'VE IGNORED FOR 2 MONTHS, BUT MAKE SURE YOU SAY THINGS LIKE
"“just know, I always take care of what’s mine,” he whispers back."

OH OKAY MR "YOU TAKE CARE OF WHAT'S YOURS"... HUH!?
HOW'S YOUR FIANCE MATE?! HUH!? If eye twitching and eye rolling could kill, I'd be dead dead. 💀💀
Reading these parts were as fun as receiving a waterboarding.

✨AND Voila.✨
✨PAN ROASTED SHITSHOW WITH A CREAMY BLEND OF ARTISINAL JOKES, simmered to perfection.✨
/Bows.
The perfect recipe for the perfect shit show to hopefully show none of your friends in case they hate it as much as I did.

In case you needed ANY further instruction, I will give you my favorite snip from this whole book, where I was so confused that I laughed out loud until I cried.

Cannon says (slightly edited shortened version) "don't move or i'll come"
AND EASTON SAYS (NOT FUCKING EDITED OR SHORTENED)
“Just think about dead parents,” I rasp, shifting my hips despite his protests. “Should be good to go then.”

BRO.... BRUH.... HOMIE.... My brain fucking short circuited. Easton's parents literally died less than 24 hours ago. NO. NUHUH. RIGHT TO JAIL.

JAIL.

THIS WHOLE BOOK, JAIL.

Sorry to my c e ricci fans and stans out there. Please don't unfriend me. I'll behave and ily. <3

@epilogue one, as generally an epilogue hater, I suffered through it... but at "bonus epilogue"



I dnf-d at 98%, i don't care if there's 8 pages left my guy.


If you made it this far, you get some bonus content of my favorite scenes.

Honorable mention to Easton for these cracker lines that felt completely out of place because there had literally been NO PRIOR MENTION of any guilt or being a bigger person.

"Fuck his fiancée or jobs or responsibility or dying parents." - wow bro, just do your dying parents dirty like that over some dick.

"Any and all thought of being the bigger person flew straight out the goddamn window the moment he shook his head" - Narrator: he literally never thought even once before saying this, about being bigger person.

"let the unspoken word linger in the air, because I won’t say it. Even if we both think it, saying it out loud makes it true. A cheater. And he’s not. Not really." - EXCEPT THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT HE IS. HE IS LITERALLY A CHEATER BRO R U DELULU R U FKN DELULU?!

/external screaming.

My boyfriend told me my review shows nothing positive(🙄🙄🙄🙄), so I’m editing it this to tell you the positives.
1. I actually enjoy c e riccis writing style, it’s easy to follow, it’s easy to read, it’s not hard on the brain.
2. When the book ends 🤭

[Candy M. · Rating 1 out of 5]

⭐ 1.4 “this might be titled head above water but I was out here wishing to be waterboarded” stars ⭐️


The review could just be this gif and still be accurate.

This was 440 pages and that was 400 pages too long for me. The book really lost me with the “son gets disowned after stopping a hate crime” (I wish I was making this shit up), followed closely by the “MC wishing he could fuck the other guy while their braindead parents laid right beside them in a hospital room” (it’s a mouthful, but an accurate one). Running for the hills started to seem like the healthiest course of action then. Too bad I’m not known for my self-preservation.

And believe me, that hurts to say just as much as this hurt to read.

Overall, this was my fourth C.E Ricci book, and the third I haven’t exactly adored—to put it mildly. While I didn’t downright despise this as I did After Rain Falls (I will forever hold a grudge against that story and no, I will never shut up about it), it was still far from a pleasant experience.

I continue to refuse to give up on the author, however, knowing I actually quite liked her characters and debut novel once upon a time. So who knows, maybe she will somehow create another gem I can safely enjoy instead of trying to rip my hair out of my scalp while recalling the protagonists’ infuriating antics. And with the frankly unnecessary melodrama being the cheese on top—if I was lactose intolerant, that is.

Be it as it may, when it comes to this writer’s future releases…


Fingers, elbows, knees and toes crossed. Because hey, I gotta stay positive every once in a while.

[lakshmi · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Fuck his fiancée or jobs or responsibility or dying parents.

That about sums it up👍

[Lyn❤Loves❤Listening to Real Voices Only!!!!❤️&#x1f3a7;&#x1f4da; Addict ON HIATUS · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audio - 4 Stars overall
Zachary Johnson - 5++++ Stars
Michael Dean - 3 tolerable stars

Story - 4.25 Stars

I can't believe I almost didn't bother with this book because of the mixed reviews.

I can understand why some readers didn't feel the connection between the MCs because of time jumps and scenes were there was more telling instead of showing. But after a while, it got better (for me anyway), and the narrators, mostly ZJ, definitely added to my enjoyment of the story.

[moonlight ☾ [semi-hiatus] · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 stars ☆

TW// grief, cheating, loss, death of parents

if you know my book taste, you know i'm all about that toxic shit but, of course, i also have to like the characters/romance for me to feel invested—no matter how toxic they are (i actually loved CE Ricci's Follow the River and After Rain Falls, even though the duet was toxic af but it just worked for me), but i'm sorry, idk. something felt missing in this book. this had the perfect formula of a book that could have been my favorite: stepbrothers, enemies to lovers, angst but the execution didn't work imo. it's not that the mcs were the most unlikable characters i've come across, but i wouldn't consider them likable enough to root for them either. i think, if Cannon had broken things off with Anna (his fiancée) way sooner than 84% into the book and Cannon and Easton's relationship would be explored more, i could have actually liked this but the back and forth eventually got tiring and i didn't even feel that much chemistry between them as lovers (the potential was there, yes, but there wasn't enough time and development to explore how they are as a couple). don't let my rating stop you from checking it out though! we all have different preferences after all, but this just wasn't for me. :(

BUT!! despite my complaints and disappointment about this book, i still loved CE Ricci's writing style. i guess that's what kept me going lol

⊱ ────── ஓ๑♡๑ஓ ────── ⊰

stepbrother romance?? count me in omg, i desperately needed another one after i read The Stepbrother not too long ago, then i come across this 😭

[Julia (bookish.jka) · Rating 5 out of 5]

"But holding onto hope in a sea of doubt is like being a wooden raft in a storm. It's rough and unpredictable terrain, and at any moment, a wave can come crashing into it. Split it wide open. Fracturing it into hundreds of pieces that no longer float, but sink."

Ugggghhhh. This book kept me up reading all night because I literally could not put it down💚💙.

If you follow my reviews, you'd know that CE Ricci is a go-to author for me. I love her writing and I've loved all of her books so far. So it'll come as no surprise that Head Above Water is another must-read as far as I'm concerned.

This is a M/M, enemies-to-lovers, step-brother, bi-awakening romance. And it's divine.

Head Above Water starts off when the boys are teenagers but this is NOT a teen drama; most of the story takes place when the MCs are in their mid-late twenties.

It may be triggering for some, with grief and angst and loss and deception and high emotion.

But it's also an epic love story, a story of redemption and desire and bonds that can't be broken. And if you like your books steamy, you will not be disappointed 🔥🔥🔥🔥.

I absolutely adored our MCs, Cannon and Easton.

"Out of all the hot guys out there in the world, why'd I have to want you? The one person I can't have."

Can appears to be so strong and solid and reliable, and yet he is trying so hard to hide his pain and his sense of loss, and East is just so vulnerable and angsty and moody and sad, he is literally ebbing and flowing with the tide. They are both totally gorgeous. Of course 🥰.

"Easton's a filthy fantasy, a dream I never let myself explore. And now he's calling to me like a siren's song."

If you've known grief, you're going to need your tissues close at hand 😥. If books make you cry, you're going to need your tissues close at hand 😥. If books don't make you cry (like me), you're going to need your tissues close at hand😥.

Head Above Water is raw and authentic and heart breaking 💔 at times, but the journey is sooo worth it 💕.

Highly recommended.

5 stars

[Jan]

I've been struggling with this one for a few days now.
It's angsty the way I like it, but so repetitive!😖
At 30% I started skimming because I was bored to death.
At 49% I'm throwing the towel, it just doesn't have what it takes to keep me engaged and going.🤷‍♀️

[MarianR · Rating 1 out of 5]

I never skip pages. And here I skipped to the epilogue. That says everything. 🥴
I think the only thing that can be saved is the prologue. 🤷‍♀️

[cal · Rating 4 out of 5]

And in the middle of my hazy, sated state, I say something so fucking stupid.
"You're a dream," I whisper, my nose brushing his. "You're a dream in the midst of my worst nightmare."
Then he pulls me down to him for a kiss that, out of all the ones we've ever had, has to be my favorite. Because, in my mind, it was his way of saying 'you too'.

➥ i... gagged. i dnfed this gem last year and yeah i shouldn't have that now i finished it lmao.
➥ the writing style is, i think, my biggest positive now that i have read two books from this author. highly addicting even though draggy. my eyes couldn't look away. blasted sam smith and lana del rey made reading this an experience.
➥ this book is a cheating-filled romance clouded in grief and depression. at this point, my heart and mind can just take anything. i wasn't even fazed at this point. i even read a romance about a guy getting screwed by a goat. okay half-goat haha.
➥ i wish anna was a key player in this. she went to the table and served nothing. all of her scenes were... anticlimactic. all i can think about is this wendy william's meme where she says "Oh she died? Aww. Umm. Well anyways-"
➥ i love east and cannon so much though especially past the 40% part where their resentment with each other started to fade away. when they have no one but each other to lean on.
➥ i feel like the more wrong a romance is now, the more i get invested.
➥ love-hate the their dad though. like so many missed good opportunities with this fucker.

[Renae Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an ARC from the author in exchange for an honest review.

CE Ricci is a master at crafting a story filled with emotional angst that is both transfixing and addicting. Head Above Water is a spellbinding story that perfects a complex love story revolving around grief.

Head Above Water dives deep into the psyche of both its characters Easton and Cannon as they struggle with unbearable grief while trying to navigate through a devastating family tragedy. Easton and Cannon have a complicated relationship due to their unresolved feelings stemming from a misunderstanding that is not fully explained until seven years later.

Head Above Water is a story that unravels a complex relationship between stepbrothers as they grapple with the difficulty surrounding processing and understanding grief. Their chemistry and an undeniable connection is fascinating to see develop and mature throughout this story. I applaud the author and her honest depiction of all-encompassing grief and its effect on your state of being.

As usual, I fully recommend this story and must warn you that it is not an easy read to digest, due to the emotionally heavy topic, but the journey is unforgettable and worth the pain.

[D.L. Howe · Rating 5 out of 5]

When it comes to audiobooks, narrators can make or break a book. In the case of Head Above Water, Michael Dean and Zachary Johnson made this amazing! Seriously, the best narrations I’ve ever heard.

I was emotionally riveted for the entirety of this story. I’m sure that goes hand and hand with superb writing. So altogether this made for an awesome read.

It starts like it usually does in an enemies to lovers story with two boys that have hated each other from the moment they met as children when they became stepbrothers.

Eventually that animosity dimmed, more so for Easton or perhaps not because he fell in love with Cannon. Unrequited love’s a bitch!

The shit hit the fan after Easton trailed along to a party with Cannon where they ended up in jail. Long story short Cannon’s dad said he was a bad influence and kicked him out.

Seven years later Cannon’s built a life for himself without his family when he gets a call that forces him to head home.

This was the equivocal emotional rollercoaster. Easton had so much hate for the man who left him without a goodbye and he now holds his fate in his hand.

There’s a thin line between love and hate or perhaps I should say lust.

Cannon originally gave in to being with Easton because he wanted to save him but also make him happy. What followed was the hottest but most toxic sex affair ever.

There was never a dull moment and my heart was black and blue by the end, but it was worth it!

[Nazanin · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 Stars

DNF @ 48%

Before starting this one I was so excited because what I read by this author before I loved but unfortunately this one was a bust! The story is TOO slow and I mean snail-slow. It’s repetitive! I read almost half of the book and it’s only repeating itself! I couldn’t connect with the MCs. They seem so selfish! I couldn’t even feel their chemistry! Cannon was engaged but it was like he didn’t think of her as much (you could see it in his actions). Hope you enjoy it more than me though!

[Dani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Third re-read and I can confidently say this is my favourite book ever. It will never not emotionally destroy me and is 100% my go-to book if I need to have a really good cry.

Cannon and Easton are also one of my favourite book couples ever, and I absolutely love the connection between them and how it's been there since the very first time they meet.

The raw emotions in this story are so, so good - it doesn't matter how many times I read this book, I feel as devastated as the first read every time. The grief felt by Easton is overwhelming, and the way Cannon supports him and deals with his own just makes me love him even more. I love how they are each other's anchor in their emotional storm.

This has absolutely everything I look for in a book and I really can't ask for anything more.

[*J* Too Many Books Too Little Time]

I really don't have much to say about this one but I just couldn't with these two MCs.

Pretty much every scene:



Same thing over and over again. Fighting. Running. Acting like a jackass. Mis- or lack of communication.

And I was only at about 50%. I can't even begin to imagine what happens the last half of the book.

[alyssa · Rating 2 out of 5]

[1.5] i want to preface this review by saying the descriptions of grief here are some of the best i’ve read and the prologue will instantly have you at full alert, buzzed to discover just what the heck happened between the mcs to lead up to that heart-wrenching moment in time.

however, from beginning to end, i can’t deny feeling like this story would’ve worked better sans the romance. i didn’t—couldn’t—buy their relationship from the start when the few brief glimpses at their lives growing up together showed only examples of them antagonizing each other, and not even in necessarily teasing or endearing ways.

at least in Cannon there was a subtle sense of responsibility as the older stepsibling, but i was never under the impression that they cared enough for each other to warrant the profound love born out of grief that the prose made it out to be. there’s plenty of mourning and self-torment bleeding between the lines, but by the time they’re unable to resist and find themselves feverishly canoodling with each other out of a strained desperation with still very little resolved between them, i was too busy questioning where Cannon’s sudden compelling need to attend to Easton’s every need came from.

with no heartfelt connection or startling chemistry to back up the romance element, the whole narrative began to feel forced, the emotions fell through, and my enjoyment plummeted.

i had a tough time rooting for the mcs too. Easton starts off as a petty kid going for the low blows (which as the youngest sibling myself, we are wont to do 🤣), but this continues into his 20s: throwing big tantrums, purposely hurling insults aimed to do as much damage as possible, not budging for a single second to hear what the other party has to say, and then the cherry on top, running away once things get rough 😬 i don’t know how he does it, but Cannon puts up with this behavior for much longer than i could’ve done.

me @ Easton: untwist your panties boy, you’re an adult now 😤

⚠️ more detailed spoilers below!! ⚠️
.
.
.



tw: cheating (on his fiancée with a wedding date on the horizon. not a good look either 😅). at least Cannon had half a mind to feel guilty about it and confessed what he did behind her back while he was away 🤷🏻‍♀️

there was also a drama plotline around the truth behind Cannon’s abrupt departure from home 7 years ago.

Easton is under the false impression that Cannon chose to leave on his own accord when it was actually the dad who gave him an ultimatum after a few poor decisions were made. when they meet up again seven years later, Easton is still stuck in that same state of indignation that Cannon left without a single attempt at contacting him (but did he ever try to reach out himself? nope. too busy simmering in his anger to even consider the possibility 🙄 Cannon having to do all the work as always). i didn’t understand the reasoning behind hiding this fact for practically the entire book (@64%: reveals that he left not because he wanted to but still no real explanation; @79%: finally explains the reason he left; @94%: fully comes clean about what happened to him in the months after leaving).

anywho, it’s no wonder the emotional constipation and poor communication skills that Cannon inherited from his father (who, instead of going out to look for the son he casted out, writes 188 unstamped & unsent letters detailing his sorrows and regrets of what he did that night) made a good portion of the tension feel contrived and avoidable 🥴

tl;dr: enticing premise, beautiful writing style, poor execution. a good reminder to not be like these dorks and to cherish the time you do have with loved ones 💖

[Sotiria Lazaridou · Rating 2 out of 5]

the prologue was phenomenal, but the rest............

no.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

**AVAILABLE NOW**

5 STARS

CE Ricci has taken the crown of crushing my heart in the best way only an author can. Her books have it all - gorgeous prose, flawed and broken heroes, and loves that are earth shattering.

Cannon and Easton couldn’t have been more opposite than each other, one controlled and one free-spirited. The enemies part of their story starts early as step-brothers, and grief and loss pull them back together, making the road to lovers get bumpy.

But their romance exposes that these two were made for each other. Their love is all consuming, soul-shattering, and reforming, shaping these two into people who have been battered and bruised but find solace in the storm in each other’s arms.

More than an emotional and very steamy romance, Head Above Water is a story of grief and loss. CE Ricci depicts this desolation in a way that everyone can relate to. She shows us that not only does it change us, the scars lasting even after healing, but that grief doesn’t just come death.

This story resonated with every part of my heart. It is one that will forever stay in my mind.

beta read

[Rina Pride · Rating 5 out of 5]

É o primeiro livro que leio de CE Ricci, lerei outros, é claro! Quando peguei head above water para ler não imaginava que me depararia com algo que lembra o que vivi. Perdi meu pai muito cedo, foi um choque pelo jeito que tudo aconteceu. Meu pai foi internado por ter muitos problemas com diabetes, ele tinha pavor de hospital e conseguiu fugir do hospital numa noite que estava internado, nessa noite ele foi atropelado e teve morte cerebral. Minha mãe processou o hospital na época, e eu tive depressão, síndrome do pânico e ansiedade. Hj não tenho mais gatilhos como antigamente, aprendi a lidar com momentos e lembranças dolorosas. Agora vamos falar um pouco desse livro! Química do casal é divina, não teve um momento que não me arrepiei quando East e Can tavam juntos, muita química e só isso já foi motivo suficiente para dar 5 estrelas . Teve uns momentos aí que... Jesus🙏😂 O que foi aquela transa no funeral?! ( QUERO IR PARA O CÉU, MAS ACHO QUE SERÁ IMPOSSÍVEL). Foi uma cena mais caliente que a outra, mas não foi só por cenas hot que gostei desse livro, curti muito o jeito que CE Ricci faz os personagens se expressar. Vc consegue sentir na alma cada palavra expressada ali, seja em momentos dramáticos , românticos, hot, tudo foi muito bem expressado. No momento que os aparelhos dos pais foram desligados, no momento das leituras das cartas de David ( foi aí que chorei). Foram momentos que realmente me pegaram, muitas escolhas na nossa vida pode ser sem volta. Mesmo que David seja um personagem fictício, eu senti sua dor naquelas cartas, tudo que ele queria era reparar o erro que cometeu 😭 David e Cannon fizeram escolhas erradas nessa relação de pai e filho. Coisas que não acontecem só em livros, nossas escolhas é o que molda nossas vidas. Falando em escolhas erradas... Se eu fosse Anna não seria tão compreensiva, se um cara diz que te traiu... cai fora. Comigo não existe compreensão para traição, é papo de mulher besta que quer ter sua cabeça enfeitada de novo. Amor próprio é tudo! Não curto presenciar mulheres se rebaixando ( homens podem se rebaixar para outro, mas com mulher é outro assunto). Anna errou, Can errou, East, David, errar é humano. Fiquei curiosa com o casal da praia, logo imaginei que seria de outro livro! Ah, amei o bônus de quando Can e East se conheceram, muito fofos
❤
_ ,•,, ¸.•°. *`
__(`“•.\ . |/ ¸.•“´)
_ “•¸.🍃💛🍂“
__ -- (¸.•“/|`“•.¸)
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[kaye taz · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.2 ⭐️
Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️/5
Format: audiobook
Narration: 🎤🎤🎤🎤.5/5

Cannon deserves the entire world. Truly one of the best mmc’s I’ve ever read. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same about Easton. And in the end, I just don’t think he was good enough for Cannon.

Just the way that everyone failed Cannon. His dad, his stepmom, his stepbrother/boyfriend. The only character who did actually seem to deserve him, he cheated on.

Easton was unbearable. From his teenage years when he was starting shit for no reason and making Cannon take the fall time and time again, to the way he acted when Cannon came home. And then even when they got together, all he did was take and take, and never gave anything back. Cannon lost everything and everyone in his life, yet still had to be taking care of Easton and prioritizing his grief over his own. And Easton never once took accountability for any of it. Even when he figured out why Cannon left, he was still cold and cruel towards him.

I do understand the hype and why so many people love this. I think if there hadn’t been the third act, I could’ve maybe been more pleased with the outcome. But that was kind of my last straw with Easton. He didn’t even try anything at the wedding. And then just all the angst and sad themes just seemed to get to be too over the top. They didn’t add to the plot, it was just angst for the sake of angst.

Zachary Johnson is a god, he deserves five stars just for getting me through this book. Would I have loved Cannon as much if he wasn’t narrated by Zachary? Maybe. Probably. We’ll never know. Michael Dean was certainly…there. -.5 star for that.

I think this is where I part ways with this author. I’ve tried really, really hard to like her books other than Iced Out. But it just seems to be that at least one character always winds up driving me nuts the whole time, and I’m exhausted.

[Lilly [Hiatus due to School] · Rating 5 out of 5]

"It doesn't matter that he is a man or we were raised as family. The only thing that matters is that he's...him"

Head Above Water was a heartbreaking and angst-filled ride.

The story follows two step brothers who face grief and heartbreak. They reunite after seven years due to a tragic accident, and unresolved feelings, hurt, and resentment boil over as they deal with the aftermath. I loved how emotional and raw the story was. Despite Cannon's resentment and hostility, Easton has always looked up to and adored his brother. That adoration soon morphed into attraction as they grew older.

"I might still be drowning, but not only in grief anymore. I'm drowning in him. His taste, his touch, his scent"

I enjoyed seeing how they changed and grew over time. Cannon is strong and so caring. I loved how he was there for Easton, knowing he had to be strong for both of them.

Grief brought them together; despite the circumstances, they needed one another to stay afloat. The chemistry between them was phenomenal, and goodness, can CE write sex scenes!

I never used to read stories with cheating but I learned this year if it's not between the MCs and their romance is compelling enough I do not mind it, which was the case for this story!

Overall I loved it so much. This was an angsty and heavy read, but CE Ricci managed to keep me captivated until the end. I love their writing style. I also loved the bi-awakening aspect and the obsessive codependence that is mixed in with their love for one another. I don't know why it took me so long to pick this story up finally, but I am happy I did. I can not wait to read more for this author.

[Jade · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

Phew, that was an emotional rollercoaster, but so worth it. This was a beautiful MM romance about Easton and Cannon and starts off from when they were 16 and then jumps to their mid-twenties. I always love when authors do this properly because it makes the characters love story so much more intense actually getting to read where it really began, rather then just from statements or memories.

This was a really special and unique book as I feel that as much as it was a romance, it was an amazing and compelling story about grief and how differently people are effected by it. There are some gorgeous quotes that really resonated with me about life and death and just made this a really rewarding reading experience.

It only lost half a star because I just felt like something was missing. I just wanted a little bit more to happen from the storyline. In saying that, CE Ricci's writing is incredible and emotive and the characters raw and chemistry powerful. She's such a good author that I'm hoping to finish all her published books this year.

***trigger warnings: death of family members (large part of story)

[TrippyBooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️ “Right now, I’d let him lead me straight to hell like this”

I don’t think i ever seen two people more horny . They couldn’t even keep it in their pants at a Wake . 🤨 if u like toxic romances this ones for u

Very messy & a bit lacking in substance but
Good narration.
High 🌶️

[Bookish Meag &#x1fa75; · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rating: 4.5/5 Stars

🛑 This review contains spoilers 🛑
I didn’t feel I could write this review without sharing details from the book.

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”

Head Above Water by CE Ricci is a stand-alone, MM romance novel about two stepbrothers. This is dual POV between Easton and Cannon. This book is so emotional, be prepared to cry bucket loads of tears.

“I need something solid, Can. Something concrete. Because right now, I really am fucking drowning. I’m being pulled under, and there’s no land in sight. It hurts to think. To breathe. To even just exist. And I just need to know it’s not gonna last forever.”

I went in blind, like I normally do and this book gave me a run for my money. Honestly, the emotion on these pages will call to you and have you in all the feels. This is so well written and has landed CE Ricci up on my favorite authors list. She blew me away with this power house of a story.

“I can feel you holding back,” “Take what you need, East.”

Their was also plenty of laughs and good times as well. It has the perfect balance but the heavy is heavy. It goes a lot into detail about grief and how to move on after. It’s a show how one gave themself to be whatever the other person needed to heal. A great show in how to be selfless and try to build someone up at no matter the cost to yourself.

“Because, after all this time, one thing still rings true. I’d sell my soul to see that smile.”

This book is broke up into four parts not counting the epilogues.

“Is this the right time to be vocal about what it is I need?”
“What do you need, East?” “Just tell me what you need.”
“I need…” “You, Cannon,” “I just need you.”
“Then have me.” “You heard me,”
“If you need me, have me. If you want me, take me.”

Part One- This part had me hating Cannon’s father, he seemed so heartless towards Can at the end of this part. Cannon and Easton get arrested at a party for fighting and underage drinking. That night Cannon’s father kicks him and tells him to never come back. What his father never knew is Cannon got into the fight defending Easton.

“Anyone who’s known me for more than ten minutes also knows I live in the ocean during the summer. It’s my favorite place. My happy place.” -Easton is a surfer 🏄

Part Two- Starts at a seven year time jump. Cannon is living his life in Charleston and is set to get married to Anna when he gets the call about his parents being in a wreck and rushes back to Cannon Beach. Easton is not happy to see him after seven years because he thinks he just left and doesn’t know Cannon’s dad kicked him out and told him to never come back. He thinks Cannon just abandoned their family. This part is really heavy, Can and East go through 30 days together before pulling the plug on there parents and letting them go. The doctors told them they were both brain dead after the wreck. This is also where they start to develop their relationship and Cannon just decides to be whatever Easton needs to heal. He decides to be Easton’s anchor. This is where Cannon cheats on his fiancé Anna.

“His words from the other night come barreling back into my mind. I just need an anchor. If an anchor is what he needs, an anchor I’ll be.”

Part Three- Opens at Cannon’s dads and Easton’s moms funeral. Cannon really tries to help Easton move past his grief in this part, Cannon breaks down once for his father passing during this part as well but mostly he hides his grief to be whatever Easton needs him to be. Anna shows up and demands Cannon comes back home to Charleston and finish planning their wedding. Cannon doesn’t want to leave Easton and wants to pick East in this part. Easton doesn’t know how in love he is in with him at this point and tells Cannon to go home for good. To get married and go live the life he was suppose to live. This part is also where East finds out how Cannon’s dad kick him out the night they got arrest. He learns that Cannon never left him on purpose but did what his father said. The end of this part just rips your heart again.

“I can give you all the pieces you need to heal yourself, and I swear I’m trying to. But in the end, you’re the one who has to put yourself back together. That’s just something I can’t do for you. I don’t have that kind of power, no matter how much I wish I did.”

Part Four- Has a short time jump and starts with Easton’s POV. Easton finds the wedding invitation Anna left him and decides to show up at the wedding to get closure so he can move on from Cannon. He didn’t expect Cannon to look up and see him at the wedding. Easton walks out after realizing he can’t watch Cannon get married to someone else. Cannon calls off the wedding. We do find out that Cannon told Anna he cheated and she chose to forgive him and still get married. She didn’t want any of the details, just to put it behind them.
Time jump two months- Easton buys the surf shop he has been working at. Cannon shows up at the beach while he is surfing. Cannon tells Easton he didn’t get married and what happened after he walked out of the wedding. He also declares his love for him after telling him the story about Cannon Beach that his dad told him. How Cannon Beach is magical and makes people fall in love. They also sell their parents house. They find a box of letters all to Cannon from his dad while cleaning the house out. Cannon breaks down and Easton reads the letters to him. Cannon finally got closure for how things ended with his father.

“If you can know anything, Cannon, have it be this. Ever since the day you left, I’ve been watching from a distance. Loving you and cheering you on without your knowledge. Hoping and praying that your life is full of everything I wasn’t able to give you.” -One of the letters from his dad.

Epilogue- Time jump 18 months- Cannon and Easton are on their honeymoon in Hawaii. Just a sweet bonus and gives the book a nice HEA.
Wish we had of gotten their wedding. 🥺

“At that moment, I don’t think I’ve ever loved him more. Maybe it’s because, right then, he proved I’m every bit as much his anchor as he is mine.”

Bonus Epilogue- Cannon’s POV as a nine year when he and Easton first met and found out they were going to be a family.

“It tingles a little, his hand in mine, and I don’t think I like it. The feeling only gets worse when he finally smiles at me. But I don’t hate it. I don’t hate him the way I thought I would.”

Always be aware of trigger warnings before reading a book.

TW:
Loss of multiple parents(one to cancer), depression, self-destruction, cheating, 18 year old getting kicked out by parent, just heartbreak, heartbreak and more heartbreak.

This is not for the faint of heart.

Happy Reading 💞

[Jess Brady · Rating 5 out of 5]

*ARC received from author in exchange for my honest review. *

This is a M/M, stepbrothers, enemies-to- lovers romance.
*Triggers include loss, grief, high emotion & all the angst*

Painful and beautiful, Head Above Water will have your heart breaking for Cannon & Easton. Their love wasn't easy or simple and it was woven through out each fabric of their lives for years never relenting until you were drowning right along with them.

Cannon might appear to be the strong one who can handle whatever life is throwing at him, but he is just hiding behind his walls, being strong for Easton. He is grieving but he can't falter because if he does then there is no telling what will happen. For years he has hidden his pain away, there is no changing the events of the past but when he is brought back home after seven years now more than ever he has to continue being the strong one or risk Easton drowning in his grief.

"I want to engrain this version of him in my memory, capturing it to keep forever."

Easton never understood what happened all those years ago but now he is grieving and the one person who never expected to see is back bringing more emotions to the surface. He is drowning in a sea of misery and he is not sure how much longer he can keep this up before he is lost to sea, for good. Finding solace in the storm seems impossible but Cannon becomes his anchor, and he isn't sure how he survived all those years without him.

When you know that the one person anchoring you will be leaving eventually it is hard to have hope but that is exactly what Easton has is hope. Hope that even with all that is going on Cannon will still be there in the end, but life isn't that simple. Cannon was never supposed to have this life, he was supposed to leave but now that all his fears are coming true Easton has to figure out how to survive losing him again.

Loss can tear people apart or it can bring people closer together. We get both sides of that same coin in Head Above Water and there is no way of knowing exactly how that will play out. Seeing this story unfold for these two guys was heartbreaking, beautiful, tragic and even cathartic almost. Seeing two people go through the grieving process while they are also handling all the feelings, they are having for one another was something I can't even describe.

CE Ricci has become one of my favorite authors over the course of this year, but she really laid everything out for this book. River & Rain had my heart immediately in the River of Rain duet and I never thought another one of her books would give me those same feelings, but Cannon & Easton did. While these two couples’ stories are very different in every way I love knowing an author can make me feel all the feels again.

ALL THE STARS FOR CANNON & EASTON!!! If I could give this book more than five stars I would because these boys stole my heart!!

[Maartje · Rating 5 out of 5]

❤️ Head Above Water - CE Ricci ❤️

💕 stepbrother romance
❤️‍🩹 hurt/comfort
🌈 bisexual awakening
😭 loss & grief
💯 possessiveness

HEAD ABOVE WATER 💙 what an emotional rollercoaster ride of a book!!!!!!! I never thought a story could break and mend my heart at the same time... 😭 heck! I was not even planning to read Head Above Water anytime soon (you can blame Want You Still for that) and ofcourse now I am wondering WHY DID I NOT READ THIS GEM ANYTIME SOONER?! 🥲 is this my favorite CE Ricci book I read so far??? that might be possible 🥰 Easton and Cannon are true SOULMATES made for one another 💗 I will always have them in my heart from now on 💖✨️

[dd · Rating 3 out of 5]

☆☆☆½ | 69%

these two were infuriating i swear and actually i’m lowering my rating because of it lol

because like 😐 why was cannon the one who came to easton at the end after easton was the one who literally pushed him away in the first place for absolutely no reason?

there was so much miscommunication too and the whole reason they were ‘enemies’ at first was so stupid omfg

i was so annoyed too there was so much angst at the ending and then there was a wedding scene but the wedding didn’t even get stopped like in those overdramatic straight romcoms so what’s even the point if ur not gonna crash the wedding 😭😭

there was one part that made me so uncomfortable when cannon and easton were fucking to fill the void left by their dead parents and cannon knew it was bad for both of them and he kept saying so in his head and neither of them did anything to stop it or make things better or communicate in any way, it just felt wrong and like it wasn’t actually a good situation for either of them idk. bc easton was basically using cannon and cannon didn’t seem to be enjoying it like he should and neither of them were doing it for the right reasons. and i was so confused too because i didn’t know if it was the usual romance angst and that was why cannon was saying that it wasnt healthy or if it actually wasn’t healthy for either of them?

i did love the hurt/comfort though you can tell they’re literally so soft for each other fjdhsshhd & i loved the parts where it was just fluff (so out of character for me ikik) bc there was a hell of a lot of angst in this book and i feel like it wasn’t really balanced correctly so the fluff was rare and gorgeous

i liked the surfing too omg— the part when easton was all like “his bitch ass can’t handle the cold water” i was cryingggkdfkdk, their banter was also on point 100%

all in all this was such a mess lmaoao but it was worth it

[꧁•Zakiyya•꧂ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never before has a book made me feel so many different emotions.

Love, for these two beautiful characters.

Anger, at their behaviour at certain points.

Fear, that these two characters that I’d come to adore with every part of my heart and soul, may not get their HEA.

Happiness, when they finally did.

And sorrow, so much sorrow, for all the heartache they’d been through.


But on the other hand, I’ve also previously made it a priority to stay away from angst in books – so I shouldn’t be that surprised.

Too much hatred already exists in this world – I used to tell myself – I don’t need them in my books too.

What does surprise me however, is that now I feel like I’ve been missing out on so much.

Only someone who has been through utter and total heartbreak can so meticulously describe the soul-crushing sorrow that was in this book.

So to you, CE Ricci, I’m so sorry for that.

This is the first time I’ve read a book by this author - who was introduced to me by an amazing person – Kristin, my friend – thank you….🥰🥰

This is an author I will definitely be stalking from now on...😜

[Steph (Teacups & Tropes) · Rating 5 out of 5]

OOF this was an emotional rollercoaster and I loved every minute of it.

If you don’t read anything with cheating in it though, maybe avoid.

[Kaity · Rating 2 out of 5]

Audio: 4.5 stars

Book: 1 star….

Jesus…the first I wanna say 30-40% kinda hooked me.. then they started hooking up, which meant Cannon was cheating on his fiancé, and it was like he forgot she existed, hell so did I! Haha Anna was an afterthought, a plot point that was unnecessary because she was barely brought up at all besides a little at the beginning and then at the 75% mark.. soo it’s like who is Anna and why should I care if she is going to be hurt…

And I honestly didn’t like either MC.. they both sucked to be honest, Easton because he was so hot and cold and annoying that I just couldnt with him anymore..for a 23(…?) year old he was so immature it was unreal…

And Cannon, idk what to say about him, he enabled Easton when he shouldn’t, and Cannon should have known better. He also should have spoke up and not kept things bottled in, that’s how miscommunication happens..idiots I swear.

I stopped caring around the 50% mark seeing as I had 200+pages to go, I started to skim all sex scenes and anything else that bored me… which was pretty much the rest of the book.

Not going to lie the writing hooked me, but the characters ruined it… and even great writing can’t help that.

[costitanza (onetoomanybooks) · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Sooooo. This was a rollercoaster.
I want to start by saying that I really eat this book up. I was engaged from page one and it´s a super solid 4 stars.
For 35% of the book, I was fairly sure it would have been a full 5 starts but then two things I didn´t particularly enjoy happened and I felt like lowering it.

Easton and his grief were so beautifully portrayed that I cried multiple times, feeling every single thing.
I loved how CE Ricci wrote this book. It truly was an immersive experience. It broke me and put me back together, nothing more, nothing less.

Spoilers ahead

First: Cannon´s father.
I don´t even feel like pointing the finger, but it´s reeeally difficult not to do it.
Cannon´s father kicks him out at 18, with a 50 thousand dollar check (meaning he wanted him out), just to regret it a couple of weeks later (probably when his wife put some reason in his head) and call him not to apologize, but to tell him to just come back for the holidays (WTF?).
Anyone at 18, and I mean anyone, would have been disappointed, alone and raging, so, of course, he told him to fuck off. And he did. HE DID!
And when Cannon, seven years later, after his death, finds a box full of 188 letters from his deceased father, what is he supposed to do? WHAT? What fucking kind of closure is that? Really the father was bad parenting 101 and I don't know what to think about his character.

Second: Cannon
Obviously, having a really fucking "good" example of what not to do with the people you supposedly love, poor Cannon hasn´t had a clue for 85% of the book.
I didn´t feel particularly bad for the cheating, but poor Anna. Cannon actually almost married her. He would have done it if it wasn´t for Easton showing up and leaving the wedding.
I was soooooo pissed. MAN THE FUCK UP CANNON!
On the other end, he truly loved East and I felt it in every single chapter. That is why it´s inexplicable what he was about to do.


The ending was perfect and I loved the second epilogue, where we have Cannon´s POV from the first time they met. It was too cute.