Cousin Calls

by Zeb Haradon

A college student reluctantly attends a family chili cookout that turns into a never ending nightmare. A man desperate for job skills uses a brain implant to help him learn, but it malfunctions and leaves him sexually attracted to shadows. A private investigator is hired to discover who keeps befouling the walls of convenience store bathrooms. Two deer engaged in combat find that they are unable to unlock from one another’s antlers after the fight is over. A single mother spends 2020 battling an evil landlord, a fascist neighbor, national political chaos, and a global pandemic. These are the strange stories told by regulars at the local bar on Christmas Eve, stories which each began with a phone call from someone who announced “you don’t know me, but we’re cousins.”

367 pages, Paperback

Published August 27, 2021

Reviews

[Heather Adores Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75⭐ rounded up.

Featuring ~ elements of sci-fi, extraterrestrial life and politics.

Weird. This is the first word that comes to my mind about this book. Not a bad weird really, just weird. And if you read it you’ll know what I mean. To be honest ~ I probably never would have read this book if the author didn’t reach out to me (no offense, Zeb), but I am not mad that he did.

There are 5 different stories, within the story, that were unique and kept me engaged. It's obvious there was some research that went into the writing of this book.

We start off with Harold, who arrives in a self driving car to the Coffin Bar. He is there to meet a cousin he didn't know existed. When it looks like she is a no show, he stays there for many hours and many drinks listening to other peoples stories about their own 'cousin calls'.

My thoughts on each story:
Annie
Annie and Gaelen fly to Texas for a big family reunion chili cook-off.
Gaelen is quite the tool from the start and throughout the whole entire story. There was not one point at all that I thought he was an okay character.
Do Texans really say ‘howdy’ so much?

Ward
I'm not sure if a hippocampal prosthetic is a thing, but the author made me believe it could be if it's not.
It's so easy to get swept up into craziness when there’s debt involved and you just keep digging a hole for yourself.
I got stalkerish vibes with this guy and wowza with his fetish ~ is this real too?

Gordon
Gordon is a Private Investigator and he gets the grossest case in history of all grossness that could ever be.

Alex
I liked this interesting perspective from a deer.
My takeaway ~ one mistake, whether it's from territorial possessiveness or jealousy, can lead to a lifetime of hurt.
Mortimer has some really deep thoughts to share.

Jane
Jane is a single mother to 9 year old Chase, who has ADHD. They live above Douchebag Dave and have problems with him from the start and it dragged on and on and on.
This was my least favorite story.
I did not care for the current events and political aspect at all.

All in all, these stories were very unique and well thought out.

*Thank you Zeb for providing me with a copy. I am voluntarily leaving my honest review*

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[Kurt Rackman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. Zeb Haradon has made me a fan.

I really like the quirky imagination of this author. These five stories are very different but connected by the causal link: a call from a distantly related but unknown cousin. This sparks a chain of events usually compounded by what I think is Haradon's speciality: the casual weakness intrinsic to humanity as a whole, and his characters in particular.

From a naïve stripper, to a flighty underachiever, to an actual deer, Cousin Calls protagonists are prone to human (and cervine) weakness; their own failings contribute to a succession of tense escapades that put their lives and livelihoods in peril as they narrate their bittersweet tales. The whole conceit of the book is brilliantly realised and sustained through the very different stories, and the sense of dread never lets up.

Haradon's imagination is matched by his boldness in letting the narrative take the reader wherever it wants, from the creepy to the perverse, never letting go of the light hearted prose and playful narrative style (for example, how a deer compares every real life twist to something from the Addams Family) and leads to a very satisfying ending.

I've read all his books, and this was a pleasant if tense read which lived up to the standard of his previous works. This is the height of self-published fiction in my opinion, and it's a crying shame that this kind of imaginative, well written fiction doesn't claim a wider audience.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cousin Calls brings us a set of stories told to Harold when he goes to meet a cousin at the "Coffin Bar", a bar in the middle of nowhere. So, on Christmas Eve, the people at the bar keep him company, start telling their cousin ​​calls stories and they try to prove to him that these calls indicate a series of future misfortunes in the life of the person who received the call.

In a very general way, here is a little description of the stories:
📞 Annie - a girl who receives a call from a distant cousin with a legacy in the chilli industry and has a stupidly obnoxious boyfriend (I apologize for the brutality of my words, but he really annoyed me ahah);
📞 Ward - who puts on a prosthesis that makes him acquire knowledge of long memory very quickly, but with that he also acquires a “little” 🥴 shadow fetish;
📞 Gordon - who is hired as a PI by a cousin to solve a problem in the convenience store his cousin owns. For me this was the most boring story of all, in part due to the fact that it was a bit gross and I was sick of reading a mistery about poop. 🤭
📞 Alex - a deer, yes, you read that right! A DEER! We have a story told by an animal and that's when I thought "okay, Harold already had a little too much drink! He's already hearing a deer telling a story" 😹
📞 Jane, the one I liked the most, for taking place during the pandemia. I loved being able to accompany Jane through all the changes that COVID has brought to our lives, as well as the entire US pre-election process.

The stories of this book are all very original, with a pinch of science fiction and a big dose of craziness (😹).

I don't know about you, but if I ever get a call from an unknown cousin saying “you don't know me, but we're cousins”, heeeelp, I hang up the call and block the number! 🙀

I really liked this book and if I had to describe what kind of reading this is I'd say it's for people over 18, anti-trumps and for those who aren't afraid to enter an unknown book to be surprised.

4⭐

Disclaimer: This book was sent to me by the author in exchange for an honest opinion. All opinions are my own.

[Escape Into Reading · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I was approached to review this book, I was on the fence about reading it. I wouldn’t say I like reviewing anthologies. I find it hard to do with the number of stories in the book. But, the blurb called to me on this, and it was the blurb that ultimately convinced me to read Cousin Calls.

Each of the stories in Cousin Calls was fast-paced and well written. The only lag I found was during Alex’s story (which would be about the middle of the book), which didn’t throw me off the book.

I enjoyed reading Cousin Calls. The author’s wit shone throughout the book. I outright laughed during certain parts of the book; it was that good.

Since this is an anthology, I will give you all a brief description of each story. Each story is connected because it starts with a call from a cousin that each storyteller didn’t know about.

World’s Greatest Chili (Annie’s story):

I laughed while reading this story. Annie is a stripper/college student who is supporting her wanna-be poet boyfriend, Gaelen. She gets a call at work from a man claiming to be her cousin. Her cousin wants her to go to Texas, eat some chili, and get a scholarship to help with college. It sounds good to Annie, and she agrees to go. But Gaelen takes some convincing. But, not all is what it seems, and Annie is in for a big shock when she realizes what goes into the chili.

I was a bit disturbed reading World’s Greatest Chili. Annie seemed very needy and was making excuses for Gaelen left and right. Gaelen knew that, and he could manipulate Annie into doing whatever he wanted. But once Annie accepted the invite and filled out the paperwork for the scholarship, I started to see a different side of her. She wasn’t as needy (I cheered when she kept putting Gaelen in his place), and she knew that going to Texas would be life-changing. And oh boy, was it. All I have to say is that I will not look at chili the same way again.

The Shadow Thief (Ward’s story)

I will admit, The Shadow Thief was a little weird, and I handle weird pretty well.

Ward is down on his luck and at the end of his rope when he receives his cousin’s call. His long-lost cousin works for an organization called WHA, and they are hiring. Ward says he’ll apply. The only thing, though, is that Ward doesn’t have any background in anything. Knowing this, Ward opts to get an implant in his head that will allow him to learn things quickly. But there was a side effect to the implant. One that Ward didn’t expect or want.

Like I said above, The Shadow Thief was a little weird and was probably my least favorite out of the five books. I did find the thought of implants to help with your long-term memory fascinating, but I wouldn’t say I liked the side effects. I was a little disgusted by the end of the story.

The Mysterious Case of Who was Wiping Sh*t All Over the Bathroom Walls (Gordon’s story):

This story was gross and funny at the same time. Gordon is a PI hired by a well-to-do convenience store owner to find out who or what is wiping sh*t in his locked bathroom. Gordon is intrigued and sets up surveillance. What he finds out shocks him to the core.

As I stated above, this story is gross. I mean, wiping sh*t on bathroom walls. I gagged reading those scenes. But man, was it worth it. The end of this story was something I wasn’t expecting. I was shocked by who the sh*t wiper was and why that person was doing it.

The Lucky Bucks (Alex’s story):

The Lucky Bucks was a sad story. I went through a Poe phase in high school, and this story strongly reminds me of it.

The Lucky Bucks is the story of Alex. Alex is a whitetail deer who is experiencing his first mating season. As with the other stories, Alex’s long-lost cousin, Mortimer, decides to bellow at him from across a field. That sets off an epic fight for territory that ends with Mortimer and Alex locked at the antlers. Mortimer dies and is eaten by coyotes, with his head hanging off Alex’s antlers. What happens after is genuinely saddening. All I could think is “poor Alex.”

I didn’t think I would like a story told from the perspective of a deer, but it was interesting. The author was able to weave his wit and sarcasm through this story. I wasn’t a huge fan of the end, but I am a realist also.

The True Story of Douchebag Dave (Jane’s story):

Before I get into this story, I warn you that this story can be triggering. It follows the 2020 election and the pandemic from day 1. The main character, Jane, is very abrasive and I didn’t like her. But, just because I didn’t like her didn’t mean that I didn’t like the story. Oh, and if you are a Trumper, I highly recommend not reading this story. Jane hates Trump with a passion and is very, um, vocal about it. That did not offend me (I am not a fan of his), but there are still people who are.

Jane got a call from her long-lost cousin, and he had an interesting proposition. He was moving out of his apartment and wanted to know if she would rent it once he was done moving. She jumped at the chance and moved in with her son. Jane soon finds out that her downstairs neighbor is a bigot doing his damndest to get her evicted. When the pandemic hits, Jane is stuck in a hostile environment and is slowly losing it. Factoring in the 2020 Presidental election and Jane’s hatred for Trump, her world spins out of control. What happened next was unexpected. What happened? What did Jane do?

All of these stories made for an interesting read. Intertwined in between these stories was Harold sitting at the Coffin Bar listening to them and waiting for his mysterious cousin to appear.

I would recommend Cousin Calls to anyone over the age of 21. There is language, violence, and gore.

[Terry Tyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'll start by saying that this is one of the best books I've read in years. Zeb Haradon is an outstanding writer; Cousin Calls is five stories linked together, and each one pulls you in and makes you forget that it's part of a larger novel, that you didn't intend to lie on the sofa reading for this long, that it's one in the morning and you really need to get some sleep, etc. It's just - terrific.

The book is set several decades into the future, in which Harold walks into a bar that used to be a coffin shop one Christmas Eve, following a request from a cousin he has never met, to meet him there. The bar is almost empty, aside from a couple of drinkers and the bartender. After telling the bartender why he's there, he is warned about the dire consequences that can befall one after a conversation that begins, 'You don't know me, but we're cousins'. (This amused me because my sister has recently been exchanging emails with a cousin of ours whom we have never met; I'd never heard of him before. Take care, Julia...)

An old woman was smoking outside when Harold arrived; she enters the bar, and is invited to tell her 'cousin story', about her invitation to a Texan chili cook-out. The chili is, she learns, the best in the world due to its secret ingredient. She attends, along with her ghastly snowflake would-be poet boyfriend ('look, I told you I was an INFJ when you started dating me!'), a beautifully drawn amalgam of every similar example you've ever seen on Twitter.

Next comes Ward, with his job, money and flat worries and a hippocampal implant that will enable him to absorb material learned by others and downloaded online, from their own implants. Alas, he doesn't realise what else he will absorb from these generous donors' minds. It's hilarious and very clever (and possibly my favourite of the five).

Then there's Gordon the private detective who takes on a case so disgusting that - well, you'll have to read it. And even the deer's head on the wall - he is called Alex - has his own cousin story to tell. That's a good one, involving his slight obsession with the Addams Family and some interesting cervine philosophy. Last of all we come to Jane, who wasn't able to make it for the Christmas get-together this year; her story is in her journal. She's the woman who meets this really hot guy and has the best sex of her life, so good that she's able to overlook the fact that he has some rather unattractive pastimes (including genocide and the murdering of small animals), but the deal-breaker is who he supports in the upcoming election - most pertinent in these social media-obsessed days when the expression of one's political views can guarantee banishment to the virtual leper colony.

Jane's problems involve her mother, trying to earn money during the 2020 Covid pandemic, and her badly behaved son. Love this:

'He definitely has ADHD.' the guy {psychiatrist} said, 'but I'm also going to diagnose him with oppositional defiant disorder.... it's an impulse control disorder. Chase has a pattern of oppositional and defiant behaviour.'
'Yes,' I said, 'did you happen to notice that he's nine years old?'
'It's very fortunate that we caught him this early'

Mr Haradon has a unique style that you need to read for yourself to understand why I'm raving about this book. It's impossible to categorise, too; yes, it's scifi, yes, it's funny, with the best sort of observational humour, but it's also comment on human nature and modern life, though I get the feeling that Mr H doesn't think about much of this stuff, and just writes. It's quite horrific in parts - if you're easily offended or digusted, it won't be for you, though the revolting aspects are oddly inoffensive, somehow. Probably because the writing itself is just so, so good. I loved the ending, too. Wasn't expecting that at all. I already want to read it from the beginning again, and envy you, dear reader, because you have it yet to enjoy.

Oh, just buy it. It's great, and I can't do it justice.

[Bakertyl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Haradon has managed to bewilder me while reminding me of the power of language.

This book is aggressively creative, a series of short stories connected by a theme of a "cousin" calling the storyteller and then all hell breaking loose. Each story is completely stand alone, as strangers meet in a bar and start sharing their adventures.

The stories vary wildly, in a good way. One story is from woman remembering an old lover and a chili cookoff from H.P. Lovecraft, another is from an actual deer.

This is one of those books that I love, weird but well-written, believable characters with believable motives (even the alien invaders, they're believable af).

On a personal note, I love being able to flex on my friends who read... "Oh, you're reading this mainstream novel that I probably like also, well, I like to read more indy books, something a little less conventional... oh, you know, books like Cousin Calls, you simply must read it when you get a chance."

This flex only works if the book is worth recommending, and this one certainly is.

** I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review.

[Lori Sinsel Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a cute, funny book about calls from your long lost cousins. The trouble making kind it seems. The funny incidents that occur throughout this book will have you laughing for sure. It is a quick, fast read that won't take you very long to read at all. I recommend it to anyone who wants or needs a laugh today!

[W.A. Stanley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an advance reader copy of Cousin Calls for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

While Zeb Haradon's Cousin Calls is set at Christmas, it is as much a Christmas story as Die Hard (or my personal favourite, Batman Returns). Rather than it being a book all about love, wonder and Christmas magic, it is instead a book all about horse crap, the dangers of technology, more crap (that may or may not have come from a horse), deer brutality, and even more crap (aka Donald Trump).

The central conceit of Cousin Calls is receiving a phone call or text message, saying "you don’t know me, but we’re cousins." This is a bad omen, and as a result, some truly horrible (or horribly hilarious) things will happen. This is broken up into five short stories, summarised below:
“World’s Greatest Chili,” where the cousin call leads to a trip between the storyteller and her boyfriend to attend a chilli cook-off where they are assured they will sample the world’s greatest chilli.
- “The Shadow Thief,” where the cousin call kicks off a series of events where the story’s protagonist’s hippocampal implant designed download other people’s learnings gives him more than he bargained for.
- “The Mysterious Case of Who Was Wiping Shit All Over the Bathroom Walls,” where the cousin call leads to a private detective trying to solve the mystery so beautifully illustrated in its title.
- “The Lucky Bucks,” where a deer’s cousin call leads to a mating season that doesn’t go as well as he had hoped.
- “The True Story of Douchebag Dave,” where the cousin call leads to a sequence of events spanning much of 2020.

I will warn you, however, that this is a transgressive book with a number of distasteful elements. However, this book is so well-written that these elements are more than simply horrifying moments. If this sounds like your thing, I have no doubt that you'll love it. If you're unsure, I'd suggest you take a look yourself. But if the distasteful elements sound like they'd offend you, or if you're sympathetic to Donald Trump, you may wish to avoid reading it.

My full review will be posted on my website from 9 December. Feel free to check it out here.

[Michelle (Chelle's Book Ramblings) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not a huge fan of anthologies for the most part. I always find the stories too short and a bit rushed. But as with most things in life there's always the exception to that rule.

This book was one of those exceptions, first the stories felt interconnected by even the small detail of a Cousin's Call..

Secondly the narrative was so playfully creepy that I was flipping the pages one after the other and let me tell you I was surprised as heck to be reading the story of a deer (an actual deer) and enjoying the heck out of it.

The stories are bittersweet and humane, but also perversely creepy.. I might not be making a whole lot of sense but this was an experience..

What I'm not a huge fan of it's the art style on the cover but I must admit that it goes well with the atmosphere of the book.

[T.J. Wray · Rating 4 out of 5]

I do not usually read made-up science fiction type of stories like this one. My problem is you can pretty much say or do anything in these types of stories and I prefer true stories or at least something that (could) have happened in real life or in the real world. With that being said, I rather enjoyed this book of short stories it was funny at times and well written, an enjoyable read, just probably the wrong genre for me. I did like the way the author tied all of the short stories together with the cousin calls thing, it kept the book interesting enough for me to want to finish it. I am not sure I would read other books from this author, I read some of the other reviews before I read this book that said this is the best book they had read in years, lol. I am not sure I would agree with that, but if you like science fiction stories with talking deer, this may be the book for you... TJ

[Flocarine · Rating 4 out of 5]

… interesting short stories - some you like and some you don´t. I haven-t finished all the stories yet (65% read), but I would recommend this book for readers who love to just read a good story, when having not much time! Anthologies are sometimes great, because you can read so much interesting stuff - if you don´t like a story, skip to the next.

I have to admit, I don´t like the cover - but isn´t it like that: Don´t judge a book by its cover?

Thanks for the ARC to BookSirens and the Author!

[Anselm Patey · Rating 2 out of 5]

For the majority of the time I was reading it, Cousin Calls was going to get a shaky 3 stars.

Let me start with the positive: in a literary landscape of tropes and trends, Cousin Calls is undoubtedly and undeniably original. I respected that a lot and it disposed me well to continue reading.

For the first few stories, however, I kinda struggled to understand what kind of literature I was reading. The stories were so bizarre and my disbelief was more thoroughly suspended than the Golden Gate bridge for most of it. The world wasn't believable enough to be realistic, but it didn't have the tone of purposeful nonsense either, so I wasn't sure what the author was going for. I won't say it wasn't entertaining, I was just curious to see where it was going because in each story it seemed a bit like the author had got so caught up in his own cleverness that he'd forgotten to...well, tell a story.

The first story, about the chilli cook-off, certainly has tension, but no real resolution. You get to the end and are like...OK, a weird thing happened to her. What does it mean?

The second story, about the hippocampus prosthetic, has some interesting concepts but doesn't actually do anything with them. The idea of private investors being able to own shares in a person was intriguing, and seemed to be important, but ultimately wasn't really central to the story that ended up being told. The technology and its relationship to the world just wasn't very well thought out and didn't make sense.

The third story, about the private detective, starts on a nice silly premise and actually had the potential to be quite clever. I thought I'd guessed what the twist was going to be and was in genuine admiration of how intelligent it was going to be (as soon as money laundering was mentioned, I was like "Aha! I bet this PI is being paid to do menial work at over-the-odds prices because that is also part of the money laundering!")...but then it turned out to be something completely different and disappointing.

The fourth story, about the deer, was where I was most comfortable. Because the main characters were deer who knew what black holes are, made Addams Family references and quoted Schopenhauer, it was more obvious that the author was aiming for something absurd. So I quite enjoyed this story, even if - like the others - it was lacking in structure or any kind of resolution. When I'd finished it, I was very happy to suspend disbelief a little longer and wait to see what the umbrella story would delivery to tie all of these tales together.

The fifth story, however, was so awfully dull that it pulled my whole review down by another star. It's a repetitive tale of a woman living through the COVID pandemic and Trump presidency. Sure, her concerns were all very relatable, but the events she mostly dwells on are the things all of us have been through these last four or five years, and not told in any sort of original or thought-provoking way. In fact, many of the anecdotes were just lifted straight from popular culture - like the thing about people usings bras instead of face masks, which is a post we've all seen on Facebook at some point. The neighbour issues drag on, and details are incorporated which at no point seem particularly important. It was a really boring read.

The ending of the frame story was odd and explained nothing. It was disappointing because I was hoping for a clever tie-together or something, but instead it was just 'meh'.

What also irritated me was that throughout the book I kept finding amateurish errors, like the $ being placed after the number amount, and most notably the spelling of 'each other' as 'eachother'. But bafflingly, the author provides a glossary at the end of the book in which he asserts that 'eachother' is the correct spelling. Now, that is absolutely incorrect, so how do I take this? Is the author just being quirky? Is he sincerely mistaken? Is he making a statement about language that I'm not clever enough to pick up on? I've no idea.

In any case, I can't say I totally regret reading this book because it was certainly memorable, but a lot of it felt like someone telling an extended in-joke that you're not in on, and my final feeling towards the author is one of irritation and ill will. I doubt I'll read anything more by him.

[Masha M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a sort of anthropology book. It has about four stories in total told to a guest during a Christmas Eve at a bar. The guy had called a cousin call saying "you don't know me but we're cousins."

From there, every member of the bar tells him their cousin call story. They are all different stories but one thing is common. A Cousin Call is a disaster. A bad luck!
Most are hilarious and very interesting. The book has a unique storyline, amazing characters and a steady pacing. My favorite among the stories was the last one, about Jane and her son. It was very funny seeing how douchebag Dave was indeed a douchebag to both of them.

I think it would be perfect to have a book 2 seeing as the book ended in a cliffhanger.

Totally recommend to mystery and comedy lovers.

[Alana Bloom · Rating 1 out of 5]

A collection of short stories linked together by the overarching "Cousin Call" that haunts each of the storytellers. I really love this idea, but most of the stories just didn't click for me. I'll write a couple notes on each of the short stories below. I didn't find any of the characters likeable or redeemable. Honestly, that is usually a deal breaker for me.

World's Greatest Chili -

The Shadow Thief - Somehow I forgot going into this story that the MC was going to end up sexually attracted to shadows and I was seriously confused by the sudden shift. I was really enjoying the first half of the story but then all that work to build up the company's shady practices was tossed to the side for a shadow jacking obsession.

The Mysterious Case of Who Was Wiping Shit All Over the Bathroom Walls - Oddly enough, this title for the story says it all. This was my favorite story out of the collection but, unfortunately, it was the shortest. It was an outrageous, somewhat filthy, tale that stood out in this collection. On it's own it would have had 3 stars.

The Lucky Bucks - I'm not one for animal POVs, so right out of the gate I was annoyed. It was fine, I suppose.

The True Story of Douchebag Dave - I can't decide if this story was the one I dislike the most, or if it was the Chili story. Probably this one because it is the one I have the strongest opinion on. The story of Douchebag Dave is a contemporary tale set in the early days of the pandemic told through the diary of a single mother. Readers are forced to fast-forward through "highlights" of the early COVID and the final days of the Trump Presidency. Jane is in the running for least likeable character this year and honestly I think she will win. This story was essentially one giant rant against current events, ADHD medication, and I guess the establishment as a whole. I'm not going to spend any more of my time hashing it out.

Ultimately, it is clear that Haradon is a talented writer but this was largely a miss for me. In fact, every time I see this book on my read list I feel irritated. So if nothing else, it certainly wasn't forgettable.

*I voluntarily read and reviewed a copy provided by the author. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[Esha · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author, Zeb Haradon, kindly sent me a digital version of his book, Cousin Calls, in exchange for my honest review. A huge thanks to the author for letting me be a part of it.

Book in One Sentence
Cousin Calls, by Zeb Haradon, is a collection of short stories that are interconnected with each other, which shows the struggles and sufferings of people influenced by a prank call in the disguise of some long-lost cousin.

Introduction
Cousin Calls is a collection of short stories, that shows various instances where the characters are victims of prank calls from their so-called cousins. Most of the time, these ‘cousins’ pop out of nowhere and calls each character in the pretence of helping them out. However, things take a darker turn when these characters end up taking lucrative offers. We see one of the characters, Harold, stopping at the mysterious Coffin Bar, in the middle of nowhere, to meet his cousin. When he enters the bar, he observes that it is sparsely populated, with only a few people watching television. As he started discussing his reason for coming with the bartender, he becomes aware of being a victim of the infamous cousin calls. This kickstarts the story where each character talks about their experiences after getting these cousin calls.

Themes
Suspense
This is where the author wins me over. Creating suspense over a bunch of interrelated short stories is a hard thing to do. And Zeb Haradon did a good job at that. Since the beginning, the reason for the calls and the identity of the caller/s are kept under wraps. They build elaborate schemes to make the lives of the victim miserable, which makes me wonder what’s the motive behind all these. We never get to know that. However, in terms of suspense, the author did the entire plot justice.

Science Fiction
Cousin Calls is not laden with extreme sci-fi elements but we see glimpses of futuristic innovations like self-driven cars and brain chips that can enhance your learning potential. With such features appearing in the book, I feel like the timeline is set somewhere in the future.

Dark Humour
The book is packed with dark humour. Although you might giggle at some of the ridiculousness that the characters portray, some of them showcase the discrepancies of human nature.

The Ending
The ending is open and we do not get a clear view of the ‘cousin’s’ identity and motif. We see Harold meets his own ‘cousin’ and we are left to construct our own story about how he reacts now that he is enlightened by his companions regarding their experiences.

Significance of the Title
Cousin Calls is a story of people getting prank calls that would take dire turns in the end. Whether it is the same person making the calls is not disclosed. However, it is safe to assume that it is a group of people hell-bent on making lives miserable for fun.

Conclusion
It is good for a quick read. Although the story can take dark turns among all the amusements, it still manages to make us laugh at times.

[OJ Reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

When the author approached me to read this book, I was unsure why I should pick it. However, the blurb promised a fantastic plot, so I bought it right away. The author impresses me with his writing style. The storyline is unquestionably distinct and creative, and it is presented in such a way that it piques your interest in the upcoming twists and turns, trapping you to keep reading.

Harold gets a call from an unknown cousin telling him to meet at the Coffin Bar, where he encounters a group of people who warn him this call foretells of future misfortune. Annie reveals to him that her cousin promises to disclose the family recipe of chili to her, but it turns out to be the worst nightmare of her life. Ward, a desperate job seeker, installs something that aids his learning, but it malfunctions his brain and causes him to be attracted to the shadows. Gordon was persuaded by his cousin to solve the mystery of the local store bathroom. A deer, Alex fighting with his cousin Mortimer, meets his end. Jane's story takes place in the midst of the COVID crisis and pre-election upheaval. Harold has not yet changed his mind about this being just a tale and is still waiting for his cousin to arrive.

The beginning of this book is quite interesting, even engaging. I was interested to see where the story was heading. I'm intrigued by Annie's story, but the ending is not what I expected. Ward's life circumstances are different and unique. However, the way he reacts to them unsettles me. And the third Gordon story is too hard for me to read; it is so gross that it took me two days to finish it. Alex's tale is heartbreaking, and it eventually becomes true, even genuine. Last comes Jane's, with which I felt the most connected, and I enjoyed how the author highlighted the problems of COVID that everyone encounters at some point, although this story is pretty long. It also contains some facts that Trump supporters may find hard to read and hate Jane for it.

I seek in every story the purpose and the solution, and both are lacking in this book. The stories are narrative throughout the book, but what is the point of telling them? Everyone is dealing with the same problem. Some manage to escape, while others remain trapped. There is no way for this problem to be solved. There isn't even an emotional message that makes me want to conclude it on a positive note. Harold's narrative, which ties to every other story, ends with a cliffhanger and no means to find out the truth behind all the other stories.

All in all, Cousin Calls is engaging with its fresh and unique storyline from start to finish. I am a risky reader. If you are also then, pick this book for its literary fiction and a touch of Sci-Fi.

Full Review on OJ Redas

[CJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zeb Haradon is my new favourite author

‘Cousin Calls’ is the second book I have read by Zeb Haradon. And I can’t get enough of his work. Haradon has two excellent writer’s skills. First, his use of language is impeccable: he knows when to be subtle and when to hit hard. But moreover, he has a rare knack at extrapolating today to provide a glimpse of the near future. For example, he might mention the ‘first COVID pandemic’ or the 2020 American election not in the way we would, but as something that happened before the narrative, with a matter of fact nonchalance that belies how wonderfully clever he is.

Haradon presents five first-person tales interwoven around the almost empty, aptly-named Coffin Bar on a snowy Christmas Eve. Each one starts with a call from a hitherto unknown cousin, and the general view is that nothing good comes from a Cousin Call. Haradon’s protagonist, Harold, has driven to meet his (in the end, gun-toting) cousin, Ninkilita. While he waits, those in the bar share their experiences of cousin calls, which are universally entertaining, dark and gripping.

Then, after an absinthe or two, we even hear from Alex, the taxidermied deer. This fourth tale is immediately followed by a repeat of the editorial disclaimer, noting the final story, ‘The True Story of Douchebag Dave’ is a work of fiction. And as Jane’s journal of pre- and post-election events unfolds, it is obvious why.

My only contention is Harabon’s use of ‘eachother’, which he carefully explains in his awesome glossary, is the ‘correct spelling of the word commonly misspelt as each other’. It must be an American thing, but if it’s not, I admire his balls.

‘Cousin Calls’ is well-constructed, thought-provoking and comical. My personal favourite story is ‘The Shadow Theif’ simply because I would never have guessed where it would end up (unlike Alice’s cousin call). The mid 2030’s do not seem that far away, and I do wonder if Haradon’s quasi-dystopian view of the world is more prophetic than fictional. However, it appears that not much in his future world has genuinely changed because ultimately, we all like to spin a good story when we’re in the bar, and what better subject than distant family.

Five stars for this collection of short stories. Download (or even buy a paperback copy) now.

[Olivia B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I’m being honest, I wasn’t sure if I was going to like this book based off of the cover. I’ve never read a novel with a cover like this just because I usually go for the more mainstream publishers. The synopsis intrigued me though, so I took a chance, and I’m glad I did. The way I would describe it is weirdly fascinating. The whole atmosphere of this book both weirds me out and intrigues me haha. With this book, it may be hard to critique/review because there are definitely moments that are dumb on purpose since this book is meant to be humorous. The writing style does amuse me; however, it’s right on the line of dry humor and sounding like a transcript to a documentary. Although it made me chuckle, the intensity and perturbing events did end up making me feel a tiny bit on edge and got my heart racing a little.

Cousin Calls by Zeb Haradon is a decently good book. I liked it more than I thought I would, and I’m content with giving it the title of my very first anthology. Although the last couple of stories were…a lot, I still wanted more in some regards. I wish I knew what happened after the final story with Jane, and I don’t even know what to make of the ending when the main guy finally meets his cousin. I kind of want a sequel because of the ending, but I have no idea how that would work with this type of story.

I would recommend this book to people who like weird stories and don’t need to have all their questions answered. Toss logic out the window, and just enjoy the ride. Skipping here and there is understandable since some of the themes are unsettling, but it won’t make the overall story harder to understand. The author did a great job at developing the atmosphere, and I’m torn between writing that with a smile or a grimace haha.

More in-depth review: http://livingnormally.home.blog/2022/...

[Renée Mitchell · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a strange book. I'll get that out of the way right off the bat. It wasn't really my cup of tea - but if you are into science fiction and odd humour, than I think you will enjoy it. The story starts with Harold going to a peculiar bar in a quiet part of town that used to be a coffin shop - creepy already. He is going there to meet a cousin, someone who called him out of the blue and someone he has never seen before. When he gets there, he mentions his reason for stopping in, and is told by the bartender and few patrons that overhear him that getting a "cousin call" - meaning a call that starts with "you don't know me but we're cousins..." - is a bad omen. They proceed to tell him their experiences with the so called cousin call and each story is weird, and at times perverse, but nevertheless intriguing.

Haradon is a talented writer - there is no debating this. But I did find that some of his humour went a bit over my head, or perhaps we just don't share the same taste in what is funny. Still, I was kept interested throughout the book. I liked the idea that we are more willing to give a stranger the benefit of the doubt if they happen to be related to us. I liked how each story was connected by the idea of the cousin call - I enjoy anthologies and when the stories are linked in some way, it makes for more enjoyable reading. I just don't think that I am the audience for this type of book. I was left scratching my head a bit at times, and when I read, I typically like to feel more connected to my material. I do think that if you like quirky science fiction and brainy humour, then you will no doubt enjoy this book. Some of you like books that are strange - the stranger the better. If so, then pick this one up.

[Literary Lioness · Rating 3 out of 5]

“You don’t know me… but we’re cousins.” These words brought Harold to a bar where, apparently, he is not the only one to hear these words. After agreeing to buy drinks for the fellow patrons, he quickly learns of the “curse” associated with a simple phone call.

An anthology of five science fiction stories, Zeb Haradon’s Cousin Calls is a trip, to say the least. Beginning with a very disturbing chili recipe, to a bathroom smeared with feces, and ending with a psychedelic visit, this book is not for the faint of heart. Add in the vulgar language combined with several lewd sexual acts and a 3 out of 5 stars is substantial.

Yet, one cannot help to praise Zeb. His out of the box thinking and wild imagination makes for a very interesting read. Taking real world experiences, Zeb twists the issues we all face and creates an otherworldly venture.

A mind-bending story filled with satire, obscenity, and ridicule Zeb Haradon’s Cousin Calls is extraordinary.

Please read with caution if any of the following may cause you distress: smoking, drinking, drug use, scam, pandemic, strippers, depression, deceit, PTSD, eviction, abuse, racism, narcissism, heart attack, arrest, incarceration, addiction, rapists, gun violence, paranoia, shop lifting, murder, bigotry, slavery, termination, garnished wages, unemployment, prosthetics, anxiety, memory loss, black lung disease, divorce, mania, chronic illness, STI, STD, seizure, brain tumor, comatose, hallucinations, sabotage, Nazis, migraines, pornography.

Thank you to #CousinCalls, and #ZebHaradon, for the opportunity to read this book and give my honest review.

Original Post found at: https://www.literarylioness.net/post/...

[Nisha Joshi (swamped, will review whenever possible) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cousin Calls has to be one of the quirkiest books I have ever read. The book fell into the category of "gross-but-cannot-put-it-down" category for me and I loved it!

The story begins with Harold visiting a bar. He is in the bar because a person called him and told him, "You don't know me but I am your cousin." His cousin isn't in the bar yet - not surprising because it is snowing heavily.

To while the time, the bar customers start sharing their own 'Cousin calls' stories with each other, each starting with "You don't know me but I'm your cousin."

A stripper visits the wild west country to taste a chilli that has been in their family for generations. An ordinary man gets a prosthesis to aid learning but acquires a shadow fetish as well. A private detective is hired to solve a sh*tty problem. A deer locks horns with another that leads to some terrible results. A single mother takes on the world, a fascist landlord, people who disagree with her political views, and the pandemic in 2020 in her own unique ways.

These stories come with a whole lot of craziness. I laughed out loud in the shadow fetish story at the lengths the protagonist was willing to go. The chilli story has a crazy twist at the end. The deer story gives us some important (and absolutely incorrigible) advice. And the single mother won my heart.

I haven't read Zeb Haradon before and I wouldn't have if he hadn't reached out to me. So a big thanks is in order to the author. If I meet him sometime, I would like to see what goes on in his head.

5 stars.

[Emily Hurricane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pure Delightful Insanity

I don’t even know where to start with this book! And I mean that in the best possible way. I was drawn to this book because of the chatty narrative style, and I thought the premise was fun. Harold gets a call from someone claiming to be his cousin, and while’s he’s waiting to meet up with her at a bar, hears from all of the patrons there why he should never accept a cousin call.

Each one of them (including one that I won’t spoil for you but it’s insane and I love it) has a story about their own disastrous cousin call, and the shenanigans that ensued after. They are all obscenely funny and viscerally disgusting, which are two things I love together.

The narrative voice is great, and I love the subtle differences between each character’s POV as they tell their stories. It feels like I’m sitting in a bar with a bunch of people while they tell me stories, and is so absorbing. The only issue I had was that I wanted more of each one. These stories are so immersive and have so many moving parts that I could have read a whole book about just that character and their tale. But the concise punchy way this is presented works for what it is.

Overall, I’d recommend to anyone looking for a fun read with some OMFG moments that will have you laughing and cringing at the same time. I can’t wait to check out what else Zeb Haradon has to offer!

(Just wanted to add a quick TW note that the final story takes place during covid with reactions to election and BLM events in case you’re a reader trying to avoid that right now.)

[Charli Adams · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did not know what to expect with this story. This differed from what I am used to reading, but I kind of liked it. I have seen this style of storytelling in movies and television, but this is the first for me as a book style. The book held my interest, but in all honesty, it was a struggle at the beginning. After I got through with that, it was an easy read from then on.

There is not a specific main character per se. What this book did was, there is a character who is listening to tales from these bar regulars. Each one had incidences involving a call that started with “you don’t know me, but we’re cousins.” These characters were interesting in their own way. They were well written, and each one allowed the book to move forward without slowing down.

Like the character, there were many settings in this book. The main setting would be the bar, but you have very little time before another story starts. The stories the regulars tell are from different locations and time eras. There are very science fiction things written into this that, as a reader, you can forget until something futuristic comes along.

This was an interesting book. There were some stories I was like “what am I reading” but after I trudged along and kept reading, my interest still held. If you like humor and multiple stories, then this is the book for you.

*I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book, and this is my honest opinion.

You can find this and other reviews on my website:

https://www.charliadamswriter.com

[BooksBooksandmoreBooks69 · Rating 3 out of 5]

A collection of short stories that are all connected with a phone call claiming to be a cousin…..

I don’t know how to describe this book. The writing is something totally different from what I usually read.
It’s a little bit creepy, it’s a little bit strange, but it’s also strangely compelling.
The writing is really good, the stories are all different, and before you know it you’ve read the whole book!!
It felt a little like stepping into the twilight zone…

You’ll connect with a few of the characters, others will have no rhythm or reason! And wait till you get to the Deer’s story (yup an actual deer!!)
You know their stories aren’t going to end well, and you sort of feel sorry for them. But you’ll also be shouting at them not to pick the phone up to the cousin!

I liked the idea of the journal, it holds lots of interesting information, and gave a little bit of a focal point.

If you like the strange….
If you like the quirky……
If you like something that will have you scratching your head and wondering what you just read, then this book is definitely for you.

🦋

[Kristi · Rating 3 out of 5]

What a wild and weird book!

Cousin Calls is a series of vignettes that all started with a call from a cousin. The stories are recalled setting around in a bar when several patrons are stuck there during a winter storm on Christmas Eve.

The exaggerated, satirical writing style is reminiscent of the way a story that is retold over and over grows bigger and more unbelievable with each retelling.

Some of the stories were a little strange and sexually graphic for my taste, and some were more interesting than others. At the same time, there was something bizarrely compelling about Cousin Calls. I kept thinking as I read that I will most likely never encounter another book like this one, so kudos to the author for originality.

As someone with tons of cousins that I adore, this book might make me think twice next time I see a cousin show up on my caller id.

I received a free e-ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.

[Russ J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cousin Calls is book which contains five stories all linked by a phone call from a distant cousin the character had never previously met. Meet Harold, an unassuming man who ends up at the Coffin Bar located in a desolate part of town to meet an unknown cousin. One of the patrons of the bar proceeds to tell Harold that a call from a distant unknown cousin is a bad omen. Obviously, Harold is somewhat skeptical. However, this is when the other people in the bar proceed to tell Herold their own cousin related stories. All of which by the way started with a phone call from a cousin they had never met. What follows is a highly unique, creative, wild ride of tales. This book has great characters that are relatable and really stand out. The stories are imaginative, fast-paced, and will have you laughing. I found this book to be extremely original, somewhat shocking at times (in a good way) and highly entertaining. I look forward to reading more books from Author Zeb Haradon.

[Anu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Extraordinary

The book is an anthology of unusual and mysterious stories told by regulars at the local bar on Christmas Eve, which each began with a phone call from someone who announced “you don’t know me, but we’re cousins.

Fantastic plot development and well explained the complex situations with twists. You would keep guessing what extreme levels and terrifying situations the characters can go through after the lifeline calls turns into a disaster.

The glossary of the words is provided in the end for reference and well-researched insights on hippocampal prosthetic.

There is a smooth transition from stories told from the perspective of each character to the scene in Coffin Bar. I loved the cliffhanger climax and the story of the animal head which is very challenging to write.

[HeatherAnne Norbury · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had a hard time deciding how many stars to give this because I think it was well written and, if you like silly, over-the-top humor, I'm sure you will find this book warrants more than the stars I gave it. It just wasn't something I personally enjoyed a lot. So I don't want to ding the author or the book... when it's really that it wasn't my cup of tea.

If you like sitting around with friends coming up with super outlandish tall tales, then this book is for you. It does have adult language and themes... think Deadpool-level of craziness and raunch. Hilarity FOR GROWNUPS. I will say even though it was outside of what I normally read that it did keep me reading just to see what crazy thing would happen next. The "cousin calls" setup was a fun way to tie all these tales together.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[VT Dorchester · Rating 2 out of 5]

After reading up to the end of the second story in this anthology, I have decided to stop.

It's a bit too weird for me, I guess. I want to thank the author for the opportunity to read this book. I found that although there was a few tense shifting/grammer/typo issues, this is over all, well written, occasionally humorous, and there is obviously an imaginative mind behind it. However, there were also times where I found the stories were just getting a bit long and kind of gross and disturbing for no particular purpose that I could discern - it's possible all becomes clear in the end, but I haven't been drawn into either of these first two stories that I've read sufficiently for me to want to continue reading the rest of the book.

It was a close call, but I have to say I'm done with this book. I might consider other works by Mr Haradon in the future, however.

[Deviant Quill Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

https://www.deviantquill.com/post/cou...

This was one of the funniest books I've read in a long time. It's ridiculous. You can't read it and take it seriously. Some passages might be offensive to those who can't take a joke, so if you don't think you can read hilarious fiction with an open mind, then don't pick this up. If you have a sense of humor, you'll end up snorting with laughter. Warning: you might not ever want to eat chili again. In all seriousness, I don't know where the author pulled his tricks out of, but he did an excellent job in delivering a truly comedic piece of literature, which, in my humble opinion, should be found on the shelves of many independent bookstores.

The review copy was provided by the author.