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Thinking Through Loneliness
"This is the peculiar paradox of I am unseen yet I feel exposed, as though my most internal suffering were on public display, as though I am disclosing to the world the vulnerability it does not want to see."
By reflecting on the experience of loneliness through the author's own life, the narratives of others and analyses from Arendt to Berardi, Thinking Through Loneliness explores the ambiguities of being alone. It seeks to defy the reductionist tendencies of the current loneliness experts, looking beyond loneliness as a collective health crisis to consider what it tells us about our great need for one another and what happens when we fail to meet this need. Our social needs vary, however; to investigate loneliness is to inquire into the contradictions of the human condition-we are alone and together, separate and attached-which gives rise to the need for individuality on the one hand, and for intimacy on the other. To be lonely is to suffer from an unfulfilled desire to be close to others. But we can also suffer from an unfulfilled desire to be separate from others.
Diane Enns explores how loneliness might be an inescapable dimension of human existence, but also the collective symptom of social failure. The lonely are not to blame for their distress; they are witnesses to the failure of our contemporary social world, dramatically transformed in recent decades by digital technology, and changes in how we work, love, socialize, and live together in households, neighbourhoods and cities. Enns argues it is crucial to recognise the structural conditions-economic, political, institutional, technological-that give rise to the isolation that produces loneliness. Only then can we work to undermine these conditions, preserving all that is best about human social life.
By reflecting on the experience of loneliness through the author's own life, the narratives of others and analyses from Arendt to Berardi, Thinking Through Loneliness explores the ambiguities of being alone. It seeks to defy the reductionist tendencies of the current loneliness experts, looking beyond loneliness as a collective health crisis to consider what it tells us about our great need for one another and what happens when we fail to meet this need. Our social needs vary, however; to investigate loneliness is to inquire into the contradictions of the human condition-we are alone and together, separate and attached-which gives rise to the need for individuality on the one hand, and for intimacy on the other. To be lonely is to suffer from an unfulfilled desire to be close to others. But we can also suffer from an unfulfilled desire to be separate from others.
Diane Enns explores how loneliness might be an inescapable dimension of human existence, but also the collective symptom of social failure. The lonely are not to blame for their distress; they are witnesses to the failure of our contemporary social world, dramatically transformed in recent decades by digital technology, and changes in how we work, love, socialize, and live together in households, neighbourhoods and cities. Enns argues it is crucial to recognise the structural conditions-economic, political, institutional, technological-that give rise to the isolation that produces loneliness. Only then can we work to undermine these conditions, preserving all that is best about human social life.
- GenresPhilosophy
214 pages, Paperback
Published May 19, 2022
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February 21, 2023
I admire Enns' ability to "walk a fine line" here, as she says at one point. Loneliness is a hot topic these days, even before Covid lockdowns, and if you've ever read any articles or other literature about it you know that a lot of writers lack the ability to speak on the subject with any sense of nuance. Enns possesses both personal experience with it and an academic background in philosophy, the combination of which made this an engaging and thoughtful read.
The book is split into three parts, though the bulk of it is thankfully made up of the first two: What Is Loneliness? and Why Are We Lonely? The third part of the book is What Do We Need? and I think Enns made the correct decision not to linger there for too long. This isn't a self-help guide, and readers who are pulled toward this probably aren't looking to be told that they should join a book club.
Part 1 examines what loneliness is and the forms it can take, and also what loneliness isn't. For example, We are alone when we are isolated or separated from others, and this can cause a painful loneliness, but the aloneness of solitude is pleasurable. When we long to be alone, we say we crave solitude, not isolation. There's a lot in here about the life of the mind and having a rich inner life, things that naturally need solitude to flourish. Many (including myself) will recognize in themselves the desire to be alone, to focus on cultivating and cherishing that inner world, while also longing to be less separate from others. To some degree we all have those opposing desires and go through life trying to find the right balance, to avoid tipping over into isolation and loneliness on one hand or irritation at being with others on the other.
Through the writings of Arendt, Berardi, and others, Enns probes at the possible causes of loneliness in our current culture. She says that Though loneliness is experienced individually, it is never simply an interior experience. The lonely person, for all her inner suffering, bears witness to the failure of the social, a failure that is politically expedient. There is the alienation most of us feel from the work we must do in order to survive, the nuclear family structure, the fact that our public lives are increasingly led online, our desire to be independent individuals etc etc.
I've always been fascinated by loneliness. It's a subject that so many can relate to, but that few are willing to speak plainly about. I have been lonely my whole life. I walk through the world assuming that everyone around me is lonely to some degree. I don't know how anyone could avoid it. I am me and you are you, and that creates a distance that can only be bridged up to a point. Enns began this book by stating that she didn't write it for "the reader who wants to be spared," who wants to avoid the uneasy feelings that arise in us when we are confronted with the worst deprivation there is, i.e the unmet need for intimacy and affection. I really appreciated this book and the author's willingness to speak from her own experiences and her ability to still approach the subject with an even-handedness.
The book is split into three parts, though the bulk of it is thankfully made up of the first two: What Is Loneliness? and Why Are We Lonely? The third part of the book is What Do We Need? and I think Enns made the correct decision not to linger there for too long. This isn't a self-help guide, and readers who are pulled toward this probably aren't looking to be told that they should join a book club.
Part 1 examines what loneliness is and the forms it can take, and also what loneliness isn't. For example, We are alone when we are isolated or separated from others, and this can cause a painful loneliness, but the aloneness of solitude is pleasurable. When we long to be alone, we say we crave solitude, not isolation. There's a lot in here about the life of the mind and having a rich inner life, things that naturally need solitude to flourish. Many (including myself) will recognize in themselves the desire to be alone, to focus on cultivating and cherishing that inner world, while also longing to be less separate from others. To some degree we all have those opposing desires and go through life trying to find the right balance, to avoid tipping over into isolation and loneliness on one hand or irritation at being with others on the other.
Through the writings of Arendt, Berardi, and others, Enns probes at the possible causes of loneliness in our current culture. She says that Though loneliness is experienced individually, it is never simply an interior experience. The lonely person, for all her inner suffering, bears witness to the failure of the social, a failure that is politically expedient. There is the alienation most of us feel from the work we must do in order to survive, the nuclear family structure, the fact that our public lives are increasingly led online, our desire to be independent individuals etc etc.
I've always been fascinated by loneliness. It's a subject that so many can relate to, but that few are willing to speak plainly about. I have been lonely my whole life. I walk through the world assuming that everyone around me is lonely to some degree. I don't know how anyone could avoid it. I am me and you are you, and that creates a distance that can only be bridged up to a point. Enns began this book by stating that she didn't write it for "the reader who wants to be spared," who wants to avoid the uneasy feelings that arise in us when we are confronted with the worst deprivation there is, i.e the unmet need for intimacy and affection. I really appreciated this book and the author's willingness to speak from her own experiences and her ability to still approach the subject with an even-handedness.
Displaying 1 of 1 review