What do you think?
Rate this book
Best Most Awful Job
Motherhood is life-changing. Joyful. Disorientating. Overwhelming. Intense on every level. It's the best, most awful job. This essay collection brings together twenty bold and brilliant women to speak about motherhood in all its raw, heart-wrenching, gloriously impossible forms. Overturning assumptions, breaking down myths, and shattering stereotypes, these writers challenge perceptions of what it means to be a mother--and ask you to listen.
Contributors are as follows:
Michelle Adams
Javaria Akbar
Charlene Allcott
MiMi Aye
Jodi Bartle
Sharmila Chauhan
Josie George
Leah Hazard
Joanne Limburg
Katherine May
Susana Moreira Marques
Dani McClain
Hollie McNish
Saima Mir
Carolina Alvarado Molk
Emily Morris
Jenny Parrott
Huma Qureshi
Peggy Riley
Michelle Tea
Tiphanie Yanique
Contributors are as follows:
Michelle Adams
Javaria Akbar
Charlene Allcott
MiMi Aye
Jodi Bartle
Sharmila Chauhan
Josie George
Leah Hazard
Joanne Limburg
Katherine May
Susana Moreira Marques
Dani McClain
Hollie McNish
Saima Mir
Carolina Alvarado Molk
Emily Morris
Jenny Parrott
Huma Qureshi
Peggy Riley
Michelle Tea
Tiphanie Yanique
208 pages, Paperback
Published September 29, 2021
38 people are currently reading
3058 people want to read
About the author
Katherine May
20 books1,524 followersKatherine May is an internationally bestselling author and podcaster living in Whitstable, UK. Her hybrid memoir Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times became a New York Times, Sunday Times and Der Spiegel bestseller, was adapted as BBC Radio 4’s Book of the Week, and was shortlisted for the Porchlight and Barnes and Noble Book of the Year. The Electricity of Every Living Thing, her memoir of a midlife autism diagnosis, is currently being adapted as an audio drama by Audible. Other titles include novels such as The Whitstable High Tide Swimming Club, and The Best, Most Awful Job, an anthology of essays about motherhood which she edited. Her journalism and essays have appeared in a range of publications including The New York Times, The Observer and Aeon.
Katherine’s podcast, The Wintering Sessions, ranks in the top 1% worldwide, and she has been a guest presenter for On Being’s The Future of Hope series. Her next book, Enchantment, will be published in 2023.
Katherine lives with her husband, son, two cats and a dog. She loves walking, sea-swimming and pickling slightly unappealing things.
Katherine’s podcast, The Wintering Sessions, ranks in the top 1% worldwide, and she has been a guest presenter for On Being’s The Future of Hope series. Her next book, Enchantment, will be published in 2023.
Katherine lives with her husband, son, two cats and a dog. She loves walking, sea-swimming and pickling slightly unappealing things.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews
October 25, 2021
What can I say about this book beyond “these guys get it.” Nobody reads motherhood memoirs and essays until you’re in the thick of it, wondering if you’re losing your mind. I will never not be angry about how hard we’ve made motherhood - about the isolation, the shame, the pressure, the lack of support and adequate medical care we give to mothers. Becoming a mother has brought heaps of joy, but it’s also brought a systemic rage that I’m unable to let go of. The authors of these essays are based in the UK, where for all their justifiable rage and pain, at least they have guaranteed paid parental leave and universal healthcare. To be a mother in America is to never have enough support to adequately take care of the kids in your community, and to be told you’re a greedy failure when you recognize that. I will never not be angry.
November 8, 2023
From the introduction I was struck by the statement about "how much of our parenting is hidden behind the front door." We show the world our successes and smiling faces on social media, "and keep dark moments of doubt to ourselves."
Katherine May provides us with a wonderful variety of honest stories about the reality of mothering from twenty writers. I was riveted while I read and found much that resonated with my own experience. As I closed the book, I wondered why we don't share more of our experiences and why after the initial excitement, becoming a parent is such a lonely experience. I also learned that we could do more to adapt our urban spaces to be more welcoming places to people with babies and young children.
The stories as I read them:
What Your Mother Didn't Tell You by Leah Hazard
"My child and I had emerged relatively unscathed from our ordeal; we lived and - even more miraculously - we loved each other."
Most women don't speak of the "intimate scars and seams" received during birthing a baby, however Leah Hazard refers to her "small, smooth notch" as "a war wound and a medal of valor, my lasting prize for a moment of glory."
As a midwife, Hazard educates new mothers about their changed bodies and gives names to the components of intimate parts. In doing so, she writes that midwives "impart some of our power to the women in our care."
On the Shock of a Surprise Pregnancy by Javaria Akbar
"It felt as though someone had put my judiciously planned blueprint for the future in the shredder."
[Motherhood] is a long game of peaks, troughs and plateaus - a privilege and a pain. It is a life work that leaves a legacy."
Maternal Rage by Saima Mir
"I feel invisible."
"I open the fridge and I eat my feelings."
High on Oxytocin and Tea by Jodi Bartle
"Downy heads and tiny toenails and milk-sour crusty crevices behind furry ears are my catnip. I could drown in those babies."
"The pregnancies gave me vermilion tiger stripes all down my stomach, which have faded into soft, silvery seams."
By Instinct by Huma Qureshi
"To cook my culture, to taste it, was to understand it; to belong."
"I have discovered that raising children is not in fact unlike Pakistani cooking."
"It takes time and patience, practice. It is slow and much depends on the hand that stirs the spoon. It is a little bit of this, a little bit of that. It is following your instinct."
A Heartbeat by Peggy Riley
"Maybe only motherless could I begin to stake my claim on the woman I could be, away from the laser beam focus of her love and her memory of all the ways I'd failed." Sadly, she'd experienced an ectopic pregnancy.
Inside me, on the screen, was a lunar landscape, empty, barren, rocky. The nurse could find no evidence of life in me."
"I was born in a desert and I was sure it had invaded me. If any surgeon cut me open as they had my mother, looking for the problem, I figured nothing would pour out of me but sand."
The Absence by Emily Morris
Emily Morris writes about navigating single parenthood and becoming at ease with it.
"I don't know how to move around in the world and be me but also Tom's mum."
On a day at the beach, she and Tom set out to make a sandcastle, and instead, make a hippo. She writes, "I should have asked the proper family to take a picture of both of us with it, I think, but then I remember that my son's clumsy photos are some of my favorites."
"At night, I sink into my marshmallow bed, spread out and rest easy. The absence moved out years ago, and it's never coming back."
Learning to Be a Mother by Michelle Adams
"An uncomfortable dichotomy emerges from the process of adoption: for my dreams to be fulfilled, first somebody else's had to be shattered."
"To be given away by the person on whom you are entirely dependent is a great loss, and I imagine her biological mother too must have suffered an unimaginable burden when making the decision to withdraw from her daughter."
Can I Touch Myself, Though? By Hollie McNish
Six weeks after the birth of her baby Hollie McNish writes, "I felt a sudden lack of any positive image for my body after it did one of the most amazing - and gruesome - things it ever will."
"So many of the things that make [motherhood and parenting] so difficult and, in many cases, disgusting and degrading, stem from practical, political, cultural and urban design issues."
Brief Exchanges by Susana Moreira Marques, translated by Julia Sanches
"The love we feel for a child is not necessarily immediate [...] we need time to get to know and fall in love with another being, even though they were once inside us."
The contents of snatched conversations become more significant when that's all we have time for. People presume on your life based on what they see.
On Stigma and Stoicism by Dani McClain
"I talked about how inaccurate it is to label me a 'single mother' given the circle of family and community that is consistently and meaningfully involved in my child's upbringing."
"I talked about the resilience that black people have shown across generations by creating and maintaining strong kinship networks despite disruptions to family such as mass migration in response to racial terror in the twentieth century, and mass incarceration today."
"Too many of us are blinking back tears of exhaustion or loneliness in the name of saving face and upholding the race."
On Working Out What It All Means by Josie George
Josie George writes about the vulnerability of being a parent with the mobility challenges of a chronic illness:
"From my watching place, I cried a while, the tears bubbling out of me like surf, but it wasn't long before I raised the lens back to my eye and got back to the business of enduring, got with laughing and softening and hardening all at once like something of the sea itself. I am getting good at that."
Her child runs about the beach retrieving shells for his wheelchair bound mother. George writes:
"The red of your coat shone in the reflection as you ran along the beach. I gathered the brightness of you into me and kept you safe, along with all your gifts at my feet."
Boys Will Be Whatever by Michelle Tea
This story is about two mums bringing up their son together and pondering on gender.
"When strangers on the train, watching him gurgling happily in his stroller, asked me what he 'was,' it struck me as the least interesting, most beside-the-point question you could come up with."
"Will the next generation of males have a better, humbler understanding of the world and their place in it?"
The Psychic by Charlene Allcott
"It wasn't long before he asked me to stop running, requested that we stand still together, and I let him into our life."
Dating as a single parent: "He came in the form of a friend, so stealthily I almost didn't notice. He offered something mothers don't always receive - help."
An Honour I Probably Don't Deserve by Jenny Parrott
"Being a stepmom can be a very privileged position. I think children of divorced parents want to be the best version of themselves for each parent, and this means that to some extent they filter what their birth parents are allowed to know. While I'm sure that I wasn't told everything, there were times when I heard things in confidence, and I made sure never to breathe a word."
The Dishes by Sharmila Chauhan
"Our society does little to create viable and sustainable models of family life."
"There is so much around shared leave, part-time work models and emphasis on family that needs to change. But we should also ask whether we fall into these gendered roles by nature or nurture. How should we decide who does what, and why?"
Sometimes the Other Way Around by Joanne Limburg
Mothering as someone who has been diagnosed with Autism: "I came to understand something that I had never previously realized, which is that it's the back-and-forth rhythm that makes a conversation, and not the content, no matter how interesting."
Misfit by MiMi Aye
MiMi Aye writes about her children: "Two children who wouldn't fit in, no matter what they did or said, and who would be told, like me, to go back to their own country, a country they had not yet visited."
"I gave them foreign faces, foreign names. Unshed tears constantly prick at my eyes."
Maternal Landscapes by Carolina Alvarado Molk
Regarding 'landscapes of feeling:'
"Where others signaled mountain ranges, and oceans, and evil or benign kingdoms, this one marked locales such as 'milk donut' and 'frog chair' and 'the mysteriously infinite pile of shoes.'
"The solitude, the incredible loneliness, of early motherhood."
"There isn't much that can prepare you for the transformation of self, the immediate and irreversible shift in identity, that motherhood requires."
Living With Children by Tiphanie Yanique
"No way would the universe cancer up a divorced mother of three."
"When I sat in the room trying to remember how to put on my clothes, I realized I had told almost nobody about what was going on with me."
Katherine May provides us with a wonderful variety of honest stories about the reality of mothering from twenty writers. I was riveted while I read and found much that resonated with my own experience. As I closed the book, I wondered why we don't share more of our experiences and why after the initial excitement, becoming a parent is such a lonely experience. I also learned that we could do more to adapt our urban spaces to be more welcoming places to people with babies and young children.
The stories as I read them:
What Your Mother Didn't Tell You by Leah Hazard
"My child and I had emerged relatively unscathed from our ordeal; we lived and - even more miraculously - we loved each other."
Most women don't speak of the "intimate scars and seams" received during birthing a baby, however Leah Hazard refers to her "small, smooth notch" as "a war wound and a medal of valor, my lasting prize for a moment of glory."
As a midwife, Hazard educates new mothers about their changed bodies and gives names to the components of intimate parts. In doing so, she writes that midwives "impart some of our power to the women in our care."
On the Shock of a Surprise Pregnancy by Javaria Akbar
"It felt as though someone had put my judiciously planned blueprint for the future in the shredder."
[Motherhood] is a long game of peaks, troughs and plateaus - a privilege and a pain. It is a life work that leaves a legacy."
Maternal Rage by Saima Mir
"I feel invisible."
"I open the fridge and I eat my feelings."
High on Oxytocin and Tea by Jodi Bartle
"Downy heads and tiny toenails and milk-sour crusty crevices behind furry ears are my catnip. I could drown in those babies."
"The pregnancies gave me vermilion tiger stripes all down my stomach, which have faded into soft, silvery seams."
By Instinct by Huma Qureshi
"To cook my culture, to taste it, was to understand it; to belong."
"I have discovered that raising children is not in fact unlike Pakistani cooking."
"It takes time and patience, practice. It is slow and much depends on the hand that stirs the spoon. It is a little bit of this, a little bit of that. It is following your instinct."
A Heartbeat by Peggy Riley
"Maybe only motherless could I begin to stake my claim on the woman I could be, away from the laser beam focus of her love and her memory of all the ways I'd failed." Sadly, she'd experienced an ectopic pregnancy.
Inside me, on the screen, was a lunar landscape, empty, barren, rocky. The nurse could find no evidence of life in me."
"I was born in a desert and I was sure it had invaded me. If any surgeon cut me open as they had my mother, looking for the problem, I figured nothing would pour out of me but sand."
The Absence by Emily Morris
Emily Morris writes about navigating single parenthood and becoming at ease with it.
"I don't know how to move around in the world and be me but also Tom's mum."
On a day at the beach, she and Tom set out to make a sandcastle, and instead, make a hippo. She writes, "I should have asked the proper family to take a picture of both of us with it, I think, but then I remember that my son's clumsy photos are some of my favorites."
"At night, I sink into my marshmallow bed, spread out and rest easy. The absence moved out years ago, and it's never coming back."
Learning to Be a Mother by Michelle Adams
"An uncomfortable dichotomy emerges from the process of adoption: for my dreams to be fulfilled, first somebody else's had to be shattered."
"To be given away by the person on whom you are entirely dependent is a great loss, and I imagine her biological mother too must have suffered an unimaginable burden when making the decision to withdraw from her daughter."
Can I Touch Myself, Though? By Hollie McNish
Six weeks after the birth of her baby Hollie McNish writes, "I felt a sudden lack of any positive image for my body after it did one of the most amazing - and gruesome - things it ever will."
"So many of the things that make [motherhood and parenting] so difficult and, in many cases, disgusting and degrading, stem from practical, political, cultural and urban design issues."
Brief Exchanges by Susana Moreira Marques, translated by Julia Sanches
"The love we feel for a child is not necessarily immediate [...] we need time to get to know and fall in love with another being, even though they were once inside us."
The contents of snatched conversations become more significant when that's all we have time for. People presume on your life based on what they see.
On Stigma and Stoicism by Dani McClain
"I talked about how inaccurate it is to label me a 'single mother' given the circle of family and community that is consistently and meaningfully involved in my child's upbringing."
"I talked about the resilience that black people have shown across generations by creating and maintaining strong kinship networks despite disruptions to family such as mass migration in response to racial terror in the twentieth century, and mass incarceration today."
"Too many of us are blinking back tears of exhaustion or loneliness in the name of saving face and upholding the race."
On Working Out What It All Means by Josie George
Josie George writes about the vulnerability of being a parent with the mobility challenges of a chronic illness:
"From my watching place, I cried a while, the tears bubbling out of me like surf, but it wasn't long before I raised the lens back to my eye and got back to the business of enduring, got with laughing and softening and hardening all at once like something of the sea itself. I am getting good at that."
Her child runs about the beach retrieving shells for his wheelchair bound mother. George writes:
"The red of your coat shone in the reflection as you ran along the beach. I gathered the brightness of you into me and kept you safe, along with all your gifts at my feet."
Boys Will Be Whatever by Michelle Tea
This story is about two mums bringing up their son together and pondering on gender.
"When strangers on the train, watching him gurgling happily in his stroller, asked me what he 'was,' it struck me as the least interesting, most beside-the-point question you could come up with."
"Will the next generation of males have a better, humbler understanding of the world and their place in it?"
The Psychic by Charlene Allcott
"It wasn't long before he asked me to stop running, requested that we stand still together, and I let him into our life."
Dating as a single parent: "He came in the form of a friend, so stealthily I almost didn't notice. He offered something mothers don't always receive - help."
An Honour I Probably Don't Deserve by Jenny Parrott
"Being a stepmom can be a very privileged position. I think children of divorced parents want to be the best version of themselves for each parent, and this means that to some extent they filter what their birth parents are allowed to know. While I'm sure that I wasn't told everything, there were times when I heard things in confidence, and I made sure never to breathe a word."
The Dishes by Sharmila Chauhan
"Our society does little to create viable and sustainable models of family life."
"There is so much around shared leave, part-time work models and emphasis on family that needs to change. But we should also ask whether we fall into these gendered roles by nature or nurture. How should we decide who does what, and why?"
Sometimes the Other Way Around by Joanne Limburg
Mothering as someone who has been diagnosed with Autism: "I came to understand something that I had never previously realized, which is that it's the back-and-forth rhythm that makes a conversation, and not the content, no matter how interesting."
Misfit by MiMi Aye
MiMi Aye writes about her children: "Two children who wouldn't fit in, no matter what they did or said, and who would be told, like me, to go back to their own country, a country they had not yet visited."
"I gave them foreign faces, foreign names. Unshed tears constantly prick at my eyes."
Maternal Landscapes by Carolina Alvarado Molk
Regarding 'landscapes of feeling:'
"Where others signaled mountain ranges, and oceans, and evil or benign kingdoms, this one marked locales such as 'milk donut' and 'frog chair' and 'the mysteriously infinite pile of shoes.'
"The solitude, the incredible loneliness, of early motherhood."
"There isn't much that can prepare you for the transformation of self, the immediate and irreversible shift in identity, that motherhood requires."
Living With Children by Tiphanie Yanique
"No way would the universe cancer up a divorced mother of three."
"When I sat in the room trying to remember how to put on my clothes, I realized I had told almost nobody about what was going on with me."
March 28, 2020
These are essays for everyone who has had a mother – not just everyone who has been a mother. I enjoyed every piece separately, but together they form a vibrant collage of women’s experiences. Care has been taken to represent a wide range of situations and attitudes. The reflections are honest about physical as well as emotional changes, with midwife Leah Hazard (author of Hard Pushed) kicking off with an eye-opening rundown of the intimate scarring some mothers will have for the rest of their lives. We hear from a mother of six who’s “addicted” to pregnancy (Jodi Bartle), but also from a woman who, after an ectopic pregnancy, realized “there are lots of ways to mother, even if your body won’t let you” (Peggy Riley, in one of my two favorite pieces in the book).
Women from BAME communities recount some special challenges related to cultural and family expectations, but others that are universal. An autistic mother (Joanne Limburg) has to work out how to parent a neurotypical child; queer parents (including author Michelle Tea) wonder how to raise a son at a time of toxic masculinity. There are also several single mothers, one of them disabled (Josie George – hers was my other favorite essay; do follow her on Twitter via @porridgebrain if you don’t already).
What I most appreciated is that these authors aren’t saying what they think they should say about motherhood; they’re willing to admit to boredom, disappointment and rage: “motherhood is an infinite, relentless slog from which there is no rest or recuperation … a ceaseless labour, often devoid of acknowledgment, recognition and appreciation” (Javaria Akbar); “I step barefoot on a rogue piece of Lego and it’s game over. I scream” (Saima Mir). These are punchy, distinctive slices of life writing perfectly timed for Mother’s Day. I plan to pass the book around my book club; mothers or not, I know everyone will appreciate it.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
Women from BAME communities recount some special challenges related to cultural and family expectations, but others that are universal. An autistic mother (Joanne Limburg) has to work out how to parent a neurotypical child; queer parents (including author Michelle Tea) wonder how to raise a son at a time of toxic masculinity. There are also several single mothers, one of them disabled (Josie George – hers was my other favorite essay; do follow her on Twitter via @porridgebrain if you don’t already).
What I most appreciated is that these authors aren’t saying what they think they should say about motherhood; they’re willing to admit to boredom, disappointment and rage: “motherhood is an infinite, relentless slog from which there is no rest or recuperation … a ceaseless labour, often devoid of acknowledgment, recognition and appreciation” (Javaria Akbar); “I step barefoot on a rogue piece of Lego and it’s game over. I scream” (Saima Mir). These are punchy, distinctive slices of life writing perfectly timed for Mother’s Day. I plan to pass the book around my book club; mothers or not, I know everyone will appreciate it.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
March 22, 2020
''..we need to talk about all the different ways of being a mother. Even when we don’t relate, we can listen. Sometimes there’s strength in knowing that there’s more than one way to get by. Sometimes we see a version of ourselves in lives that might otherwise feel alien to us. Either way, we learn that complexity is something to be celebrated-Katherine May''
'The Best Most Awful Job' edited by Katherine May is out in hardback from Elliott and Thompson from MArch 19th-just in time for Mother's Day!
Huge thanks to Anne Cater of Random Things for the blogtour invite and gifted ebook copy of the book-each of these essays is a jewel on a necklace that is known as motherhood-I feel it is most appropriate to be reading it today , on Mother's Day, when I am home with 3 of my children and seperated from the other 2. The eldest is self-isolating after her daughter was born on the 12th March and the second eldest is keeping a social distance due to her and her girlfriend having colds. So waves through a window and deliveries of baby milk and vegan food on doorsteps will have to suffice for now.
There are so many wonderful parts to choose from that I feel whichever part I put in, there will be more I could have picked instead-I want to say that this is a smorgasbord of honest-brutal, sweary intimate honesty-about motherhood the likes of which I have never come across.
''My children are the beating heart of my existence, the dogged bass line to the song of my life. They write the permanent melody and I redraft the lyrics over and over again, snapping my pencil a thousand times along the way because no creative endeavour is without its missteps and meanders-Javaria Alebar''
It's a beautiful thing, peeling back the layers of what motherhood means to these 20 women in their incarnations as single, co-parenting, mothers to be, step-mothers, queer mothers...all sorts of topics are bought to the table and the main commonality is how motherhood is portrayed versus the stark relity of it, and the checks and balances which perpetuate a fake image of perfection.
From the start of your journey to be a parent-pretty much as soon as you are partnered off the inevitable questions descend-to the process of parenting, the load of the work is the mother's, it belongs to the woman.
''Maternal rage is about more than just the difficulty of raising small children. It’s a consequence of all the things that women have to endure throughout our lives. That we are expected to slot ourselves into a work system created for 1950s men; that, despite legislation, women still have to worry about telling employers they are pregnant, still struggle to get by on maternity pay, and then still have to pay extortionate childcare costs in order to go back to work. That, despite nods towards a more equitable arrangement such as shared parental leave, the reality is still that working mothers’ careers stall or go backwards while their male partners’ prospects might even improve-Saima Mir''
Each writer is unflinching in their description of how mothering feels to them, what their rude awakening moment has been-from Emily Morris' single parenting in 'The Abscence' to Dani McClain's 'On Stigma and Stoicism', can be as random as a seaside trip, or as specific as spot on national radio which triggers a reaction. Emily's constant vigilance over her son at the seaside and realisation that she was entirely responsible for another human being is so moving, as is Dani's empathetic and passionate defence of the successful black mother. It really made me think, as the reader, how the narratives we buy into(single parent=irresponsible, never successful) are so rarely challenged when it comes to women. A single dad, however....
Hollie McNish's fabulous piece, 'Can I Touch Myself, Though?' bought back memories of being pregnant and the shocked faces of fellow midwives when asking 'what positions are best to have sex in?' As a woman you are reduced to, and defined by, your sexual function. Reproduction is the aim of the game and the information imparted to Hollie about basically saying 'yep, you are ready to ride that horse again' dealt with nothing particular to her. It did not take into account whether she wanted to masturbate, bathe, apply oils. What mattered was that she was good to go, with me being pregnant it was as though I had achieved the act of being pregnant, did I really think being a sexual being was important after that goal was scored?(Newsflash, some pregnant women like having sex a lot)
MiMi Aye's essay, 'Misfit', is beautifully rendered, I love her wordsmithery(not sure if that is a word but it seems to suit) as she details straddlign two cultures and how her children are raised in a land that does not revognise her as one of our own,. And then the identity and culture of her children-where does it belong and who teaches them this?
The act of becoming a mum, the route by which you arrive as a parent is so multi-faceted and so contrived by nature, fate and circumstance that the narratives on motherhood are endless-this collection merely scratches the surface. However, it is curated with love and care by Katherine May who has tonally run the pieces to make a coherent , smoothly flowing whole. Each word is cherished, each experience beautifully framed as it sits side by side by side with it's sisters. I devoured it whole, eager to read the way others had come to realise what motherhood represents and the different nuances of the shared experience-as I waved to my step-daughter and stood a respectful distance from my other one , the realsiation that parenting and mothering may undergo a paradigm shift due to the strange times in which we inhabit, really hit me.
The burden of work and motherhood are inextricably linked-for many women they will be key workers who are dispatched to care for other women's children, whilst they , themselves, provide vital services. They may now currently be concerned about educational provision , exam results,university applications and a million other things which contribute towards a happy,healthy child. But for the moment, 'a day at a time' seems to be the mantra by which we are living.
Also, I really really love Hollie McNish. What she said hit home so hard and fiercely I genuinely would follow her to the ends of the earth.
I would highly recommend buying this for yourself and any mothers or mothers to be that you know, and following the authors on their social media platforms. What they have to say is deeply, profoundly moving and I cannot say anymore than that. Best , most awful job? Absolutely. Wouldn;t have it any other way.
'The Best Most Awful Job' edited by Katherine May is out in hardback from Elliott and Thompson from MArch 19th-just in time for Mother's Day!
Huge thanks to Anne Cater of Random Things for the blogtour invite and gifted ebook copy of the book-each of these essays is a jewel on a necklace that is known as motherhood-I feel it is most appropriate to be reading it today , on Mother's Day, when I am home with 3 of my children and seperated from the other 2. The eldest is self-isolating after her daughter was born on the 12th March and the second eldest is keeping a social distance due to her and her girlfriend having colds. So waves through a window and deliveries of baby milk and vegan food on doorsteps will have to suffice for now.
There are so many wonderful parts to choose from that I feel whichever part I put in, there will be more I could have picked instead-I want to say that this is a smorgasbord of honest-brutal, sweary intimate honesty-about motherhood the likes of which I have never come across.
''My children are the beating heart of my existence, the dogged bass line to the song of my life. They write the permanent melody and I redraft the lyrics over and over again, snapping my pencil a thousand times along the way because no creative endeavour is without its missteps and meanders-Javaria Alebar''
It's a beautiful thing, peeling back the layers of what motherhood means to these 20 women in their incarnations as single, co-parenting, mothers to be, step-mothers, queer mothers...all sorts of topics are bought to the table and the main commonality is how motherhood is portrayed versus the stark relity of it, and the checks and balances which perpetuate a fake image of perfection.
From the start of your journey to be a parent-pretty much as soon as you are partnered off the inevitable questions descend-to the process of parenting, the load of the work is the mother's, it belongs to the woman.
''Maternal rage is about more than just the difficulty of raising small children. It’s a consequence of all the things that women have to endure throughout our lives. That we are expected to slot ourselves into a work system created for 1950s men; that, despite legislation, women still have to worry about telling employers they are pregnant, still struggle to get by on maternity pay, and then still have to pay extortionate childcare costs in order to go back to work. That, despite nods towards a more equitable arrangement such as shared parental leave, the reality is still that working mothers’ careers stall or go backwards while their male partners’ prospects might even improve-Saima Mir''
Each writer is unflinching in their description of how mothering feels to them, what their rude awakening moment has been-from Emily Morris' single parenting in 'The Abscence' to Dani McClain's 'On Stigma and Stoicism', can be as random as a seaside trip, or as specific as spot on national radio which triggers a reaction. Emily's constant vigilance over her son at the seaside and realisation that she was entirely responsible for another human being is so moving, as is Dani's empathetic and passionate defence of the successful black mother. It really made me think, as the reader, how the narratives we buy into(single parent=irresponsible, never successful) are so rarely challenged when it comes to women. A single dad, however....
Hollie McNish's fabulous piece, 'Can I Touch Myself, Though?' bought back memories of being pregnant and the shocked faces of fellow midwives when asking 'what positions are best to have sex in?' As a woman you are reduced to, and defined by, your sexual function. Reproduction is the aim of the game and the information imparted to Hollie about basically saying 'yep, you are ready to ride that horse again' dealt with nothing particular to her. It did not take into account whether she wanted to masturbate, bathe, apply oils. What mattered was that she was good to go, with me being pregnant it was as though I had achieved the act of being pregnant, did I really think being a sexual being was important after that goal was scored?(Newsflash, some pregnant women like having sex a lot)
MiMi Aye's essay, 'Misfit', is beautifully rendered, I love her wordsmithery(not sure if that is a word but it seems to suit) as she details straddlign two cultures and how her children are raised in a land that does not revognise her as one of our own,. And then the identity and culture of her children-where does it belong and who teaches them this?
The act of becoming a mum, the route by which you arrive as a parent is so multi-faceted and so contrived by nature, fate and circumstance that the narratives on motherhood are endless-this collection merely scratches the surface. However, it is curated with love and care by Katherine May who has tonally run the pieces to make a coherent , smoothly flowing whole. Each word is cherished, each experience beautifully framed as it sits side by side by side with it's sisters. I devoured it whole, eager to read the way others had come to realise what motherhood represents and the different nuances of the shared experience-as I waved to my step-daughter and stood a respectful distance from my other one , the realsiation that parenting and mothering may undergo a paradigm shift due to the strange times in which we inhabit, really hit me.
The burden of work and motherhood are inextricably linked-for many women they will be key workers who are dispatched to care for other women's children, whilst they , themselves, provide vital services. They may now currently be concerned about educational provision , exam results,university applications and a million other things which contribute towards a happy,healthy child. But for the moment, 'a day at a time' seems to be the mantra by which we are living.
Also, I really really love Hollie McNish. What she said hit home so hard and fiercely I genuinely would follow her to the ends of the earth.
I would highly recommend buying this for yourself and any mothers or mothers to be that you know, and following the authors on their social media platforms. What they have to say is deeply, profoundly moving and I cannot say anymore than that. Best , most awful job? Absolutely. Wouldn;t have it any other way.
July 30, 2022
فیلمها، سریالها، کتابها، رسانهها و شبکههای اجتماعی همیشه تصویری کلیشهای از مادر بودن میسازن: زنی مهربان، دلسوز و فداکار که هیچ چیزی رو بیشتر از بچهش دوست نداره و همه زندگیش خلاصه میشه تو بچهای که انگار تمام مسئولیت تربیت و رشدش با مادره.
فکر میکنم این وسط چیزی که بیشتر از همه میتونه به شکستن و از بین بردن این کلیشهها -که تمام آسیبش برای زنها و مادرهاست- کمک کنه، روایتهای واقعی زنها از تجربهها، آسیبهای جسمی و احساساتشونه. این کتاب مجموعهای از همین روایتهاست؛ حرفهایی که معمولاً پشت این هاله قداستی که برای مادری ساختهان گم میشن.
برخلاف چیزی که ممکنه از اسم کتاب برداشت شه، به نظرم این روایتها بیشتر از این که برای مادرها باشه، برای ماست. لازمه که بخونیم و کلیشههای همیشگی در مورد مادری رو دور بریزیم.
فکر میکنم این وسط چیزی که بیشتر از همه میتونه به شکستن و از بین بردن این کلیشهها -که تمام آسیبش برای زنها و مادرهاست- کمک کنه، روایتهای واقعی زنها از تجربهها، آسیبهای جسمی و احساساتشونه. این کتاب مجموعهای از همین روایتهاست؛ حرفهایی که معمولاً پشت این هاله قداستی که برای مادری ساختهان گم میشن.
برخلاف چیزی که ممکنه از اسم کتاب برداشت شه، به نظرم این روایتها بیشتر از این که برای مادرها باشه، برای ماست. لازمه که بخونیم و کلیشههای همیشگی در مورد مادری رو دور بریزیم.
September 29, 2024
A wonderfully life affirming, thought provoking testimony on motherhood. Broken down into twenty essays by different writers this book is not solely for the mothers, it’s for those who have had a mother too. It’s not evangelical about motherhood, it’s honest, open, powerful and occasionally brutal piece of work.
I agreed emphatically with some essays, I wiped away tears with others. My children are teenagers now but I still remember that first year (with twins!) as the craziest one of my life. This book brought it all back.
I agreed emphatically with some essays, I wiped away tears with others. My children are teenagers now but I still remember that first year (with twins!) as the craziest one of my life. This book brought it all back.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 31, 2020
"The drudgery that is the reality of motherhood, the long list of unfinished tasks, the never-ending laundry, and the constant silent scream of the mental load, are kept from us." – Saima Mir in her essay, Maternal Rage, in The Best, Most Awful Job.
'The Best, Most Awful Job' (Elliott & Thompson, 2020) edited by Katherine May could, in my opinion, have equally been titled: The Best, Most HONEST Book About MOTHERHOOD You'll EVER Read'. This is a collection of twenty essays by twenty women about motherhood, or not-motherhood, and how this has affected them, covering a range of topics such as single motherhood, step-parenting, adoption and autism, as well as the mental, physical and emotional aspects of what it means to be a mother.
Each essay is searingly honest about the challenges of motherhood, yet warm and supportive. This book should be studied at school, or given out on the NHS, to everyone; not just mothers, or women wanting to become mothers, but to everyone. Reading this collection made me feel less alone in my feelings around motherhood and I think anyone could benefit from reading it to gain a greater understand of themselves and the women around them.
Cannot recommend this book highly enough.
'The Best, Most Awful Job' (Elliott & Thompson, 2020) edited by Katherine May could, in my opinion, have equally been titled: The Best, Most HONEST Book About MOTHERHOOD You'll EVER Read'. This is a collection of twenty essays by twenty women about motherhood, or not-motherhood, and how this has affected them, covering a range of topics such as single motherhood, step-parenting, adoption and autism, as well as the mental, physical and emotional aspects of what it means to be a mother.
Each essay is searingly honest about the challenges of motherhood, yet warm and supportive. This book should be studied at school, or given out on the NHS, to everyone; not just mothers, or women wanting to become mothers, but to everyone. Reading this collection made me feel less alone in my feelings around motherhood and I think anyone could benefit from reading it to gain a greater understand of themselves and the women around them.
Cannot recommend this book highly enough.
August 9, 2021
کتاب مجموعه بیست روایت از نویسندههای مختلف بریتانیایی درمورد مسائل کمتر گفته شدهی مادری است. در سالهای اخیر درمورد جنبههای کمتر پرداخته شده مادری و احساسات مادران که فقط محدود به شادی نیست و افسردگی، ترس، کسالت و بسیاری چیزهای دیگر است پرداخته شده و من فکر میکردم شاید کتاب کمی تکراری باشد اما نبود. البته که من هم کتابهایی زیادی در این حوزه نخواندهام. بسیاری از روایتها حول بدن مادران، تغییراتش حین و پس از بارداری و نادیده گرفته شدن این تغییرات بود. مادر سیاهپوست، مادر اوتیستیک، مادران مجرد و مادر ناتنی بودن از دیگر موضوعهایی بود که در کتاب بهشان پرداخته شده بود و برایم بسیار جالب بود.
به نظرم نکته مثبت کتاب جمع کردن روایتهای بسیار متفاوت با دغدغههای متنوع بود. اگرچه بعضی دغدغهها برای من مهم نبود و حتی فکر میکردم اشتباه است مثل مورد مادری که ۶ بچه داشت و مادر لزبینی که مدام سعی میکرد به پسرش چیزهای دخترانه قالب کند اما این تنوع برایم جالب و آموزنده بود.
به نظرم نکته مثبت کتاب جمع کردن روایتهای بسیار متفاوت با دغدغههای متنوع بود. اگرچه بعضی دغدغهها برای من مهم نبود و حتی فکر میکردم اشتباه است مثل مورد مادری که ۶ بچه داشت و مادر لزبینی که مدام سعی میکرد به پسرش چیزهای دخترانه قالب کند اما این تنوع برایم جالب و آموزنده بود.
May 19, 2025
Stunning raw collection of stories all about motherhood. What it means to different women, in lots of different forms of life/family/body to have/raise children and to be a mum.
Had me in tears before the prologue was halfway over and then kept me there throughout the book.
Left me inspired and absolutely terrified to have kids, but in a good way?
Had me in tears before the prologue was halfway over and then kept me there throughout the book.
Left me inspired and absolutely terrified to have kids, but in a good way?
April 26, 2024
Ho centellinato questo libro, che altrimenti avrei potuto finire in una giornata, vista la scorrevolezza e brevitá dei racconti. Ho preferito gustarlo a pezzetti, godendomi ogni storia a sé. é un'opera preziosa, che come al solito beneficierebbe un pubblico piú ampio ma probabilmente verrá letta, o verrá interiorizzata, solo da un pubblico di madri. é una storia di tante maternitá diverse, della maternitá da ogni angolazione. Fa sentire compresi, accettati, normali.
December 7, 2025
Fabulous, brutally honest and moving accounts of what's it is really like to be a mother. I've never read anything that is this true.
July 29, 2021
This is a book of experiences from 20 writers, their experiences of motherhood. Being a mum myself I was intrigued by this title. The Best, Most Awful Job. Yes, being a mum is one of the best things but why is it also the most awful? This book is an open and honest selection of accounts from women who are mothers and from however their path to motherhood was.
The book explored things that are not spoken about after the birth of your child, you know, things down below, will they ever be the same again or how on earth will I ever be able to walk normally! Obviously, things do return and you do walk normally, but often these are not spoken about.
Some of the stories are very poignant and how while pregnant you tend to lose your identity and are often asked "How's Mum doing?" then after the birth, you are then ignored as people asked about "baby". I remember knowing loads of mums at school but often didn't know their names. I was one of the many who became so and so's Mum.
The 20 authors are from a range of backgrounds and ethnicities. Different countries and cultures. Yet some things are the same no matter where you are from. There are stereotypes and stigmas in all aspects of society and there are some that are very much worse than others.
I can remember with my first child, being in hospital and being treated well as I was a married young mum. The unmarried young mum, who was similar in age discharged herself after two nights as she was not given the same level of support. This was in 1989, and I still remember feeling so sorry for her, but afraid to say anything as the midwife at the hospital tended to be older and if I am honestly quite scary. I will say that by the time I had my final child things had improved, younger more patient-centred midwives were around and they had no prejudice at all.
This book looks at motherhood from the perspective of each authors viewpoint. Whether it is a step mum, mum with a disability, mixed-race mum, and many others. I will not mention them all as I want to leave plenty for other readers to discuss.
After reading this book I understand the title much more. Yes, being a mum can have some awful moments, but there are also many, many of the best moments ever.
This is a book that anyone can read, it will be eye-openeing for some, it will make others nod knowingly but most of all it brings the doubts, worries and stereotypes out in the open. We discuss many things and this is another thing we must talk about more, be more open about and not keep the horrible bits hidden. Being open and discussing things makes life so much easier.
A fabulous collection of experiences and it was a pleasure to read. Some are very sad, others warm and hopeful and others make a stand. It is a book that I would definitely recommend.
The book explored things that are not spoken about after the birth of your child, you know, things down below, will they ever be the same again or how on earth will I ever be able to walk normally! Obviously, things do return and you do walk normally, but often these are not spoken about.
Some of the stories are very poignant and how while pregnant you tend to lose your identity and are often asked "How's Mum doing?" then after the birth, you are then ignored as people asked about "baby". I remember knowing loads of mums at school but often didn't know their names. I was one of the many who became so and so's Mum.
The 20 authors are from a range of backgrounds and ethnicities. Different countries and cultures. Yet some things are the same no matter where you are from. There are stereotypes and stigmas in all aspects of society and there are some that are very much worse than others.
I can remember with my first child, being in hospital and being treated well as I was a married young mum. The unmarried young mum, who was similar in age discharged herself after two nights as she was not given the same level of support. This was in 1989, and I still remember feeling so sorry for her, but afraid to say anything as the midwife at the hospital tended to be older and if I am honestly quite scary. I will say that by the time I had my final child things had improved, younger more patient-centred midwives were around and they had no prejudice at all.
This book looks at motherhood from the perspective of each authors viewpoint. Whether it is a step mum, mum with a disability, mixed-race mum, and many others. I will not mention them all as I want to leave plenty for other readers to discuss.
After reading this book I understand the title much more. Yes, being a mum can have some awful moments, but there are also many, many of the best moments ever.
This is a book that anyone can read, it will be eye-openeing for some, it will make others nod knowingly but most of all it brings the doubts, worries and stereotypes out in the open. We discuss many things and this is another thing we must talk about more, be more open about and not keep the horrible bits hidden. Being open and discussing things makes life so much easier.
A fabulous collection of experiences and it was a pleasure to read. Some are very sad, others warm and hopeful and others make a stand. It is a book that I would definitely recommend.
February 24, 2022
I thought I would like this book more than I did, even though I did not like the title much. I never found being a mother, or raising children "awful". Parenting can be difficult and stressful sometimes, but really only because it's such an important job, and you are - or at least should be - so invested in these people you are shepherding to adulthood.
The essays were well-written, and from differing perspectives, from the woman in High on Oxytocin and Tea who is apparently addicted to having children, to the woman who writes about the maternal rage she seems to experience on a daily basis, not just occasionally. But overall the book comes across as a downer to me. Having children never made me doubt my own identity or worth or standing in the world as it has for some of these essayists, even though they protest how much they love their children, of course. And of course they love their children.
When I had my kids I was working in a business where most of my peers did not have children - the work and the hours were not really conducive to that. But I wanted children so I forged ahead, never looked back, and have always been happy I did. I wonder if maybe I didn't stress so much about how I was mothering back then because there was no social media around featuring perfect mothers to compare myself to. Anyway, I guess I was looking for more insights and less moaning about how hard it all is.
The essays were well-written, and from differing perspectives, from the woman in High on Oxytocin and Tea who is apparently addicted to having children, to the woman who writes about the maternal rage she seems to experience on a daily basis, not just occasionally. But overall the book comes across as a downer to me. Having children never made me doubt my own identity or worth or standing in the world as it has for some of these essayists, even though they protest how much they love their children, of course. And of course they love their children.
When I had my kids I was working in a business where most of my peers did not have children - the work and the hours were not really conducive to that. But I wanted children so I forged ahead, never looked back, and have always been happy I did. I wonder if maybe I didn't stress so much about how I was mothering back then because there was no social media around featuring perfect mothers to compare myself to. Anyway, I guess I was looking for more insights and less moaning about how hard it all is.
January 10, 2023
What a great, quick, honest book.
When 20 women write a chapter, not all chapters will be great or will hit you. Others though.. Chapters on being a mum of an immigrant child, a working mum, a single mum. Some brought tears to my eyes, some i have already forgotten.
3.5 stars
When 20 women write a chapter, not all chapters will be great or will hit you. Others though.. Chapters on being a mum of an immigrant child, a working mum, a single mum. Some brought tears to my eyes, some i have already forgotten.
3.5 stars
February 22, 2026
Loved the straightforward, the vulnerable, the authentic, the funny and the heartbreaking voices of all the accounts. Really really loved it ❤️
January 27, 2022
Buy this book. Cherish it. Then pass it on to all your mom friends!
January 24, 2023
Some of these essays are really fantastic. They dont hue to a perspective- neither all cheery and optimistic nor all negative. What I especially liked was all how types of mothers contributed. Including women who had lost pregnancies, for example. Women who wanted to become mothers but could never become mothers. Stepmothers. All different types of mothering. A very nicely curated collection.
November 11, 2020
As a mother who spends at least 95% of the time fretting that I’m failing one or both children, myself or the entire institution that is motherhood, at any one time, The Best Most Awful Job was a breath of fresh air.
This collection us full of wonderful, personal experiences which are both emotional and a joy to read. It’s authentic, and deeply honest, and I loved that each story covered a different viewpoint; a single mother, a step mother, an adoptive mother, a grieving mother, a working mother…..on and on. As I read, I was comforted. I’m not the only one for whom motherhood is a continuing challenge, I’m not the only one who feels eroded by the perpetual grind of the day to day.
I adore the recent movement towards women being more honest; with themselves and with one another, and The Best Most Awful Job is the perfect example of this. Each story lays bare the writer’s personal circumstances, and the openness is refreshing. I’ve said it before, that I have mixed emotions towards motherhood being used as comedy. It has it’s place, I know I’ve certainly laughed along. But for so long it felt to somehow trivialise the struggle. This collection is the other end of the scale – providing much needed balance. These stories do not seek to dramatise or look for sympathy, nor are they wholly negative. These are strong female writers who, very simply have something very real to say about motherhood.
For me this collection was everything. I read The Best Most Awful Job in one sitting, utterly absorbed, whether I personally identified or whether I was just drawn in to a life and circumstances different to my own, each story simmers with raw honesty and power. It’s a truly incredible collection, and one which has been a true gift to read. I know, without a doubt that I am not alone.
This collection us full of wonderful, personal experiences which are both emotional and a joy to read. It’s authentic, and deeply honest, and I loved that each story covered a different viewpoint; a single mother, a step mother, an adoptive mother, a grieving mother, a working mother…..on and on. As I read, I was comforted. I’m not the only one for whom motherhood is a continuing challenge, I’m not the only one who feels eroded by the perpetual grind of the day to day.
I adore the recent movement towards women being more honest; with themselves and with one another, and The Best Most Awful Job is the perfect example of this. Each story lays bare the writer’s personal circumstances, and the openness is refreshing. I’ve said it before, that I have mixed emotions towards motherhood being used as comedy. It has it’s place, I know I’ve certainly laughed along. But for so long it felt to somehow trivialise the struggle. This collection is the other end of the scale – providing much needed balance. These stories do not seek to dramatise or look for sympathy, nor are they wholly negative. These are strong female writers who, very simply have something very real to say about motherhood.
For me this collection was everything. I read The Best Most Awful Job in one sitting, utterly absorbed, whether I personally identified or whether I was just drawn in to a life and circumstances different to my own, each story simmers with raw honesty and power. It’s a truly incredible collection, and one which has been a true gift to read. I know, without a doubt that I am not alone.
September 21, 2021
I devoured this book last Sunday. It is a fantastic collection of honest essays about Motherhood. The book i incredibly inclusive and describes many scenarios proving that it is not a ‘one size fits all’ situation.
There were a lot of ‘page folding’ quotes in this one, lots of moments where I nodded along and lots of moments where it helped me to understand other situations and experiences.
I loved the talk on body changes, emotional changes and the mum guilt. A really interesting essay on child gender and how placing so much emphasis on not gendering toys and encouraging boys to pick up dolls rather than cars we are taking away choice making this a ‘thing’, let the children choose. A really interesting piece on autism as a mother, a single mother…in fact all of the essays were fantastic and I highly recommend picking this one up. I have looked into a few of the writers and added more books and memoirs to my ever growing wish list!
There were a lot of ‘page folding’ quotes in this one, lots of moments where I nodded along and lots of moments where it helped me to understand other situations and experiences.
I loved the talk on body changes, emotional changes and the mum guilt. A really interesting essay on child gender and how placing so much emphasis on not gendering toys and encouraging boys to pick up dolls rather than cars we are taking away choice making this a ‘thing’, let the children choose. A really interesting piece on autism as a mother, a single mother…in fact all of the essays were fantastic and I highly recommend picking this one up. I have looked into a few of the writers and added more books and memoirs to my ever growing wish list!
June 20, 2020
I really enjoyed this. I don't normally love an essay collection but I'm overwhelmed by motherhood at the moment, and this one did the job in making me feel less alone. One of the premises in this book was that the editor asked the writers to not feel the need to qualify their negative and complex feelings by downplaying them by the love they feel, and that they should write as if their motherhood was not in question, their love for their children is not in question, and just write from the heart.
There was a lovely mixture of themes and the essays were a good length.
There was a lovely mixture of themes and the essays were a good length.
January 1, 2021
My first read of 2021 and definitely what I needed to start the year, motherhood isn't all laughter and cuddles, it's worry, anxiety, are we doing the best for our children and what society expects us to be doing. By reading these honest accounts you realise you are not alone and you are completely normal for feeling lost at the best most awful job you will ever have
May 9, 2023
3.5 Stars, rounded down. I wanted to love this essay collection, but it lacked the nuisance & delicacy I was looking for.
March 27, 2020
Motherhood is a strange one. It’s beautiful and ugly all at the same time. It’s hard to explain. You love your children and would kill for them but at the same time, you really, really wish they would just shut the fu*k up and give you five minutes peace.
This book is a breath of fresh air in the unrealistic expectations that dominates social media. The ever judging eye of mum forums and opinions of others suffocate you and only confirm your fear that you are a failure. And honestly dear reader, who needs that? No one. Especially mums. To be a mum today comes with endless comments about how your child is not walking, talking, eating, sleeping, doing anything at the designated milestones. Your every move is dissected and scrutinised which only amplifies your worry. It has never been more daunting to be a mother. But do not despair as this book has got your back, you no longer need to feel alone in the ongoing struggle of motherhood. Now is the time to be honest and reveal the true face of motherhood and my word is it magnificent dear reader.
I LOVED reading this book. The brutal, messy and complicated truth of being a mum is all too relatable. Each writer draws on their own personal experience of motherhood. They talk openly and honestly not sugar coating the reality of raising little monsters. It is such a comfort to read of others who have felt and been in the same dark place as yourself. It makes you question why are we so ashamed of being honest of how terrible yet rewarding a job it is? Why do we pretend that we have our sh*t together when we obviously don’t. I am all for positivity and focusing on the good but I also believe in balance. You can’t have the good without the bad and more than often it’s the bad that gets shoved under the bed out of sight. It’s a rare sight to see a mum admit that they had to put the tv on for a good few hours just to get some peace or that a chocolate breakfast was the only option that morning as they had run out of cereal and fruit. Chocolate orange is still technically a fruit right? The point being that this book opens the door to these rarely talked about experiences. You feel relief as they talk to you about how actually their mothering was good enough. That we don’t need to apologise and to stop with the self doubt.
The variety of experiences explored in this book is magnifique. To name just a few; the reader sees the hardships of being a single parent, adopting a baby, being a disabled mum and the conflict in teaching your children their Pakistani heritage. It’s relatable and speaks to all mums everywhere. More books, stories and voices are needed like this. A big eye opener to reality and to stop trying to squeeze into something we were never, ever designed to slot into. We don’t need to wear capes to feel like a super-mum, we just need to stop being so harsh on ourselves and get off social media, it’s not real life. This is. Loud, messy, and unpredictable but always bursting with love.
This is not a book about self-sacrificing, pure-of-heart, bleeding-breast saints, but neither is it a book about how terrible we all are, how degraded, how seethingly desperate for gin. It’s about the strange places that love takes us, the peculiar feelings it evokes, and the winding paths we tread. It’s a snapshot of reality, told in twenty dazzling voices; the best job in the world, and simultaneously the most awful. Because motherhood is everything at once: pleasure and pain, anger and tenderness, light and shade. In short, true love.
I give The Best, Most Awful Job Twenty Writers Talk Honestly About Motherhood Edited by Katherine May a Five out of Five paw rating.
Love beats strongly at the heart of this book. It’s complex, annoying, stressed, sleep deprived and magical. A constant ride of up and down, never knowing when the tide will turn from a gentle calm to a raging storm.
I can’t recommend this book enough, it’s that much needed reassuring hug as you cry into your cup of tea that you are enough, you are doing a great job and have got this. Some days are worse then others but remember that no one knows what they are doing. Most are just playing along if not faking it. Let’s put a stop to the judging, the overbearing opinions and just do what we do best, be mums.
This book is a breath of fresh air in the unrealistic expectations that dominates social media. The ever judging eye of mum forums and opinions of others suffocate you and only confirm your fear that you are a failure. And honestly dear reader, who needs that? No one. Especially mums. To be a mum today comes with endless comments about how your child is not walking, talking, eating, sleeping, doing anything at the designated milestones. Your every move is dissected and scrutinised which only amplifies your worry. It has never been more daunting to be a mother. But do not despair as this book has got your back, you no longer need to feel alone in the ongoing struggle of motherhood. Now is the time to be honest and reveal the true face of motherhood and my word is it magnificent dear reader.
I LOVED reading this book. The brutal, messy and complicated truth of being a mum is all too relatable. Each writer draws on their own personal experience of motherhood. They talk openly and honestly not sugar coating the reality of raising little monsters. It is such a comfort to read of others who have felt and been in the same dark place as yourself. It makes you question why are we so ashamed of being honest of how terrible yet rewarding a job it is? Why do we pretend that we have our sh*t together when we obviously don’t. I am all for positivity and focusing on the good but I also believe in balance. You can’t have the good without the bad and more than often it’s the bad that gets shoved under the bed out of sight. It’s a rare sight to see a mum admit that they had to put the tv on for a good few hours just to get some peace or that a chocolate breakfast was the only option that morning as they had run out of cereal and fruit. Chocolate orange is still technically a fruit right? The point being that this book opens the door to these rarely talked about experiences. You feel relief as they talk to you about how actually their mothering was good enough. That we don’t need to apologise and to stop with the self doubt.
The variety of experiences explored in this book is magnifique. To name just a few; the reader sees the hardships of being a single parent, adopting a baby, being a disabled mum and the conflict in teaching your children their Pakistani heritage. It’s relatable and speaks to all mums everywhere. More books, stories and voices are needed like this. A big eye opener to reality and to stop trying to squeeze into something we were never, ever designed to slot into. We don’t need to wear capes to feel like a super-mum, we just need to stop being so harsh on ourselves and get off social media, it’s not real life. This is. Loud, messy, and unpredictable but always bursting with love.
This is not a book about self-sacrificing, pure-of-heart, bleeding-breast saints, but neither is it a book about how terrible we all are, how degraded, how seethingly desperate for gin. It’s about the strange places that love takes us, the peculiar feelings it evokes, and the winding paths we tread. It’s a snapshot of reality, told in twenty dazzling voices; the best job in the world, and simultaneously the most awful. Because motherhood is everything at once: pleasure and pain, anger and tenderness, light and shade. In short, true love.
I give The Best, Most Awful Job Twenty Writers Talk Honestly About Motherhood Edited by Katherine May a Five out of Five paw rating.
Love beats strongly at the heart of this book. It’s complex, annoying, stressed, sleep deprived and magical. A constant ride of up and down, never knowing when the tide will turn from a gentle calm to a raging storm.
I can’t recommend this book enough, it’s that much needed reassuring hug as you cry into your cup of tea that you are enough, you are doing a great job and have got this. Some days are worse then others but remember that no one knows what they are doing. Most are just playing along if not faking it. Let’s put a stop to the judging, the overbearing opinions and just do what we do best, be mums.
December 30, 2022
XXXXX
What does it REALLY mean to be a mother?
XXXXX
"This is a book of brilliant writing, full of images that will stay with you, phrases to be reused, stories that break your heart or make you laugh. Arguments that cut to the quick. Perspectives that you might feel relieved finally to hear out loud.
Given that none of it's my own work, I'm unreasonably proud of this anthology. Had I not already had the pleasure of editing it, I would have guzzled it as a reader."
The above (in italics) comes from this honest book consisting of twenty essays written by twenty different writers. This is an anthology that was edited and introduced by Katherine May. She is an author of fiction and memoir.
This book seeks to represent a wide and nuanced range of perspectives on motherhood (which one writer defines as "an infinite, relentless slog from which there is no rest or recuperation. Instead of the adventure it is made out to be, parenting small children is a ceaseless labor, often devoid of acknowledgement, recognition, and appreciation").
In these brief essays, we hear from such mothers as an adoptive mom, a stepmom, a single mom, a divorced mom, an autistic mom, a queer mom, and a mom who never managed to carry a baby to term.
The thoughtful, incisive writing creates an emotional resonance that gets to the heart of motherhood as a complex and profoundly human experience.
The editor acknowledges that this anthology doesn't even come close to representing the entire spectrum of motherhood.
It's important to note that the writers were not restricted in what they wrote so beware that some of what is written borders on the taboo.
Finally, a list of brief writer or contributor biographies (as well as the editor's) is found at the back of this book. What I did, before reading a particular essay, was read its author's biography first and then I read the essay.
In conclusion, in my opinion, all these essays seem to be saying that it's a given that your mothering is good enough.
XXXXX
(2020; introduction [vii to xvii], 20 essays; main narrative 180 pages; acknowledgements; contributor biographies)
XXXXX
What does it REALLY mean to be a mother?
XXXXX
"This is a book of brilliant writing, full of images that will stay with you, phrases to be reused, stories that break your heart or make you laugh. Arguments that cut to the quick. Perspectives that you might feel relieved finally to hear out loud.
Given that none of it's my own work, I'm unreasonably proud of this anthology. Had I not already had the pleasure of editing it, I would have guzzled it as a reader."
The above (in italics) comes from this honest book consisting of twenty essays written by twenty different writers. This is an anthology that was edited and introduced by Katherine May. She is an author of fiction and memoir.
This book seeks to represent a wide and nuanced range of perspectives on motherhood (which one writer defines as "an infinite, relentless slog from which there is no rest or recuperation. Instead of the adventure it is made out to be, parenting small children is a ceaseless labor, often devoid of acknowledgement, recognition, and appreciation").
In these brief essays, we hear from such mothers as an adoptive mom, a stepmom, a single mom, a divorced mom, an autistic mom, a queer mom, and a mom who never managed to carry a baby to term.
The thoughtful, incisive writing creates an emotional resonance that gets to the heart of motherhood as a complex and profoundly human experience.
The editor acknowledges that this anthology doesn't even come close to representing the entire spectrum of motherhood.
It's important to note that the writers were not restricted in what they wrote so beware that some of what is written borders on the taboo.
Finally, a list of brief writer or contributor biographies (as well as the editor's) is found at the back of this book. What I did, before reading a particular essay, was read its author's biography first and then I read the essay.
In conclusion, in my opinion, all these essays seem to be saying that it's a given that your mothering is good enough.
XXXXX
(2020; introduction [vii to xvii], 20 essays; main narrative 180 pages; acknowledgements; contributor biographies)
XXXXX
June 14, 2022
There are so many moments in motherhood that are hard to explain, good or bad. This book put into words all that I have wanted to say, all that I wish people could understand. I feel seen, appreciated, understood. I was given a peek into the lives of other mothers and their struggles, achievements, and stories. Twenty women, with different backgrounds and stories, all in one book to share what it means to be a mother in a world that either doesn’t understand or doesn’t care to listen. I am in awe of each woman’s vulnerability. Please, if you are a mother, or want to understand more of what it means to be a mother, pick up this book.
“It is divine and banal, infuriating but the grounding, deeply satisfying thing: to be their mother.” Jodi Bartle
“…that they may be whoever they want to be, love whoever they want to love, do whatever they want to do. That I will trust them to do what feels right even if -especially if- it turns out not to be. That my love will never feel conditional.” Huma Qureshi
“…after the initial fuss and present-giving and visits and people telling you how lovely the baby is, no one really gives a fuck about you. For mums, I would add ‘or your body’ which is never described as glowing.” -Hollie McNish
“I was not upset because the nurse told me that sex…would now be ok…I was upset because, after looking closely at the most intimate area of my body after one of the most amazing and traumatic things it has been through, this is all she told me it was now able to do…it wasn’t even fully healed, but it was healed enough for this.” -Hollie McNish
“It is divine and banal, infuriating but the grounding, deeply satisfying thing: to be their mother.” Jodi Bartle
“…that they may be whoever they want to be, love whoever they want to love, do whatever they want to do. That I will trust them to do what feels right even if -especially if- it turns out not to be. That my love will never feel conditional.” Huma Qureshi
“…after the initial fuss and present-giving and visits and people telling you how lovely the baby is, no one really gives a fuck about you. For mums, I would add ‘or your body’ which is never described as glowing.” -Hollie McNish
“I was not upset because the nurse told me that sex…would now be ok…I was upset because, after looking closely at the most intimate area of my body after one of the most amazing and traumatic things it has been through, this is all she told me it was now able to do…it wasn’t even fully healed, but it was healed enough for this.” -Hollie McNish
May 19, 2025
“Motherhood is an infinite, relentless slog from which there is no rest or recuperation. Instead of the adventure it is made out to be, parenting small children is a ceaseless labour, often devoid of acknowledgement, recognition and appreciation.”
“Motherhood is two opposing things at once: it gives and takes, satisfies and drains, elevates and submerges. It is a long game of peaks, troughs and plateaus – a privilege and a pain. It is a life work that leaves a legacy. If no one reminds us of this, if the smoke and mirrors of patriarchy and self-doubt cloud the truth, we must remind ourselves that our work is invaluable.”
“It didn’t seem that my husband understood quite how consumed I felt by motherhood. More than anything, I needed affirmations of what I was, that I was a ‘good mother’, that I was doing OK, that I was good enough. I deeply wanted to see that look of admiration on his face, the connection, the desire, the wanting me. But though he assured me as much as he could, I still felt entirely displaced by my own feelings of inadequacy.”
“There isn’t much that can prepare you for the transformation of self, the immediate and irreversible shift in identity, that motherhood requires.”
“Motherhood is two opposing things at once: it gives and takes, satisfies and drains, elevates and submerges. It is a long game of peaks, troughs and plateaus – a privilege and a pain. It is a life work that leaves a legacy. If no one reminds us of this, if the smoke and mirrors of patriarchy and self-doubt cloud the truth, we must remind ourselves that our work is invaluable.”
“It didn’t seem that my husband understood quite how consumed I felt by motherhood. More than anything, I needed affirmations of what I was, that I was a ‘good mother’, that I was doing OK, that I was good enough. I deeply wanted to see that look of admiration on his face, the connection, the desire, the wanting me. But though he assured me as much as he could, I still felt entirely displaced by my own feelings of inadequacy.”
“There isn’t much that can prepare you for the transformation of self, the immediate and irreversible shift in identity, that motherhood requires.”
August 21, 2021
"There isn’t much that can prepare you for the transformation of self, the immediate and irreversible shift in identity, that motherhood requires"
"motherhood is an infinite, relentless slog from which there is no rest or recuperation. Instead of the adventure it is made out to be, parenting small children is a ceaseless labour, often devoid of acknowledgement, recognition and appreciation."
I don't think I have ever read so many short essays that as a mother I can relate to.
I have so many highlighted passages that resonated with me.
It's openly honest about the challenges of motherhood in a sensitive and supportive way.
Highly recommend.
"The drudgery that is the reality of motherhood, the long list of unfinished tasks, the never-ending laundry, and the constant silent scream of the mental load, are kept from us. To some extent we play our own part in this, the pull of biology being so strong that we disregard the bits of motherhood we don’t want to see before we ourselves get there."
"motherhood is an infinite, relentless slog from which there is no rest or recuperation. Instead of the adventure it is made out to be, parenting small children is a ceaseless labour, often devoid of acknowledgement, recognition and appreciation."
I don't think I have ever read so many short essays that as a mother I can relate to.
I have so many highlighted passages that resonated with me.
It's openly honest about the challenges of motherhood in a sensitive and supportive way.
Highly recommend.
"The drudgery that is the reality of motherhood, the long list of unfinished tasks, the never-ending laundry, and the constant silent scream of the mental load, are kept from us. To some extent we play our own part in this, the pull of biology being so strong that we disregard the bits of motherhood we don’t want to see before we ourselves get there."
February 26, 2023
This is the British answer/equivalent to The Magic of Motherhood: The Good Stuff, the Hard Stuff, and Everything In Between-- which, if the latter is the book that I give to every expectant first-time mom, this would be the book for the big leagues. From mom rage to single parenting to having multiracial kids to parenting when you're the one with the disability, from infertility and miscarriage to having multiple children (hats off to the author who has six boys), there is such a wide range of experiences and stories, and all of them feel resonant in one way or another.
(Also, Sharmila Chuachan has the best opening sentence in "The Dishes".)
(Also, Sharmila Chuachan has the best opening sentence in "The Dishes".)
January 17, 2026
This only bad thing I feel about this book is that it left me wanting more.
I had a feeling that reading this book would guide me in a direction or another being in my mid-thirties and mostly not into having kids because I’m autistic with ADHD and life is hard enough. And it did!
3 stories in I felt quite open to it!
Somehow reading about the realities of motherhood and how completely different they all are but all very real and profound gives me a feeling of wholesome safety.
It made me feel less alone, that I don’t need to be perfect, and that there are so many mothers all around.
And that probably I already have a lot of qualities to support this journey.
I need vulnerability to feel safe.
We need more vulnerability overall and this book gives a lot of it.
Very powerful!
I had a feeling that reading this book would guide me in a direction or another being in my mid-thirties and mostly not into having kids because I’m autistic with ADHD and life is hard enough. And it did!
3 stories in I felt quite open to it!
Somehow reading about the realities of motherhood and how completely different they all are but all very real and profound gives me a feeling of wholesome safety.
It made me feel less alone, that I don’t need to be perfect, and that there are so many mothers all around.
And that probably I already have a lot of qualities to support this journey.
I need vulnerability to feel safe.
We need more vulnerability overall and this book gives a lot of it.
Very powerful!
September 7, 2025
An honest an insightful collection of essays that discusses multiple sides of parenting that generally remain untouched. It is a good read not only for parents who want to feel heard and connected, but also for childless people who would like to research parenthood from an experience-based and non-mainstream perspective. Besides its main theme, the book touches upon larger societal issues of gender inequality and bias, immigration and colonialism, and therefore paints an intersectional picture of motherhood.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews