Black Boy Smile: A Memoir in Moments

by D. Watkins

A  New York Times  bestselling and award-winning author presents a complex story about his coming-of-age journey as a Black boy, from the societal roots of trauma to finding joy.

"If I had two wishes, it would be that D. Watkins spend an entire book writing through the terrifying wonder of Black boyness in America, and for every human to read and share this book. I am shaken.  Black Boy Smile  changed my relationship to writing and me."― Kiese Laymon, author of Heavy and winner of the Andrew Carnegie Medal
 
At nine years old, D. Watkins has three concerns in picking his dad’s Lotto numbers, keeping his Nikes free of creases, and being a man. Directly in his periphery is east Baltimore, a poverty-stricken city battling the height of the crack epidemic just hours from the nation’s capital. Watkins, like many boys around him, is thrust out of childhood and into a world where manhood means surviving by slinging crack on street corners and finding oneself on the right side of pistols. For thirty years, Watkins is forced to safeguard every moment of joy he experiences or risk losing himself entirely. Now, for the first time, Watkins harnesses these moments to tell the story of how he matured into the D. Watkins we know today—beloved author, college professor, editor-at-large of Salon,  and devoted husband and father.

Black Boy Smile  lays bare Watkins’s relationship with his father and his brotherhood with the boys around him. He shares candid recollections of early assaults on his body and mind and reveals how he coped using stoic silence disguised as manhood. His harrowing pursuit of redemption, written in his signature street style, pinpoints how generational hardship, left raw and unnurtured, breeds toxic masculinity. Watkins discovers a love for books, is admitted to two graduate programs, meets with his future wife, an attorney—and finds true freedom in fatherhood.  

Equally moving and liberating,  Black Boy Smile  is D. Watkins’s love letter to Black boys in concrete cities, a daring testimony that brings to life the contradictions, fears, and hopes of boys hurdling headfirst into adulthood.  Black Boy Smile  is a story proving that when we acknowledge the fallacies of our past, we can uncover the path toward self-discovery.  Black Boy Smile  is the story of a Black boy who healed.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Race, Biography, Audiobook, African American, Autobiography

240 pages, Hardcover

First published May 17, 2022

About the author

D. Watkins is Editor at Large for Salon. His work has been published in the New York Times, New York Times Magazine, The Guardian, Rolling Stone, and other publications. He holds a Master's in Education from Johns Hopkins University and an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Baltimore.

He is a college lecturer at the University of Baltimore and founder of the BMORE Writers Project, and has also been the recipient of numerous awards including the BMe Genius Grant, and the Ford's Men of Courage. Watkins was also a finalist for the Hurston Wright Legacy Award and Books for A Better Life. He has lectured at countless universities, and events, around the world. Watkins has been featured as a guest and commentator on NBC's Meet the Press, CNN's The Erin Burnett Show, Democracy Now and NPR's Monday Morning, among other shows.

Reviews

[Brandon Butts · Rating 4 out of 5]

Writers like Watkins will not only save Baltimore but preserve the legacy of it's people who grew up surviving crack, redlining, and food scarcity. BBS asks questions like "is it easy vs west, or is it just impossible to reasonably reach the other side?" "What pain can come from kids watching kids?""What's the best way to make Seafood salad and how far do you go to defend it?" Baltimore is constantly taking hits but Watkins shows how it always swings back. Authentic through and through

[Benjamin Rubenstein · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is powerful at times and not vulnerable enough most times.

[Shelby (catching up on 2025 reviews) · Rating 5 out of 5]

✨𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖 ✨

Black Boy Smile
D. Watkins
Memoir
5/16/2023

Thank you @legacylitbooks for the gifted copy.

This memoir in moments explores Black boyhood, specifically during the height of the crack epidemic in Baltimore. Watkins candidly shares of the harrowing experiences that led to him growing up too soon. It is equal parts heartbreaking and inspiring.

[Bobbieshiann · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I was taught to use the violence that comes with toxic masculinity as my own personal painkiller, as if aggression could heal. But I was tired. I didn’t want to be a liar, and I didn’t want to be the hero. What I wanted? I just wanted to smile.”

Where do you even begin with a statement like that? I first stumbled across D. Watkins in 2018, when I randomly picked up The Beast Side: Living (and Dying) While Black in America. From there, I followed him on social media, keeping up with his work, and diving deeper into his world through his books. Fast forward to now, and here we are with Black Boy Smile—a book that’s exactly what the title says: a smile, but one born from the darkness of lies and societal pressures. A smile worn by a young boy who has been forced to act like a man from the age of nine.

Watkins doesn’t sugarcoat anything. He’s a straight shooter who’s not trying to make the reader feel good but to make them feel real. His writing doesn’t just tell you about the tough situations he faced—it makes you see them. It shows you the choices he was forced to make, the laughter that helped him cope, the fleeting love he craved, and the barriers that held him back. Through his father, Big Dwight, and a series of complicated friendships (many of them forced), he’s exposed to trauma in all its forms: sexual assault, drugs, violence, and the idea that being emotionally detached from women—living life on his terms—is the key to freedom.

“The funny thing about the streets,” he writes, “is that they were just like my blood father—sometimes everything I needed, and other times the root of my problems.”

The narrative isn’t just a recounting of events. It’s a look into the layers of what shaped Watkins, often against his will. His father, Big Dwight, is both an anchor and a warning. He’s the man Watkins looks up to—respected on the streets, a hard man who shows love through action but whose life is slowly consumed by addiction. Big Dwight tries to guide his son away from the street life, even as he gets lost in it himself. He’s not the ideal role model, but he does what he can: he cooks, he supports, and despite his flaws, he shares wisdom with his son, even if it doesn’t always sink in.

One of the most striking parts of Watkins’ story is how he navigates his own moral compass. He witnesses death, engages in violence, and becomes part of a world he knows is hurting others—even as he avoids the drugs he sells, he loses himself in pills and alcohol. His relationships with women are just as complex—he plays the role of a provider, yet he’s trapped in cycles of emotional neglect, verbal and physical abuse, and a refusal to let himself fully connect with anyone. It’s not until he meets his wife, the one who challenges him, that he begins to unravel all of that.

“I couldn’t cry on his shoulder, or anybody’s shoulder. I knew my only option: take the pain, bury it deep inside of myself, and pour liquor on it, enough to drown it so that it never resurfaced. And then pour even more liquor on it.”

But his wife doesn’t settle for half of him, and once they reunite, they pour into each other. They create a family, a beautiful, imperfect family, where Watkins can begin to share his past with his daughter but, more importantly, give her a future that’s better than the one he had.

There’s so much more in this book I haven’t even touched on—the rawness of his journey from the streets to becoming a writer, the painful but necessary steps of leaving behind a life of crime, and so much more. But what you get from Black Boy Smile is a celebration of life—a life that’s often messy, full of darkness, but also full of hope. It’s about a boy who becomes a man and, through all the struggle, finally finds a reason to smile.

[Lit_Vibrations · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST READ MEMOIR!!! I’m not a major fan of them but I’m looking to change that. I’ve only read a couple within the past year and this is now one of my top favs. D.Watkins story was soooo powerful, captivating, and filled with emotion and vulnerability. His story can be seen as relatable and inspiring because there are other black men and boys that have experienced these same things.

Watkins writing is amazing, descriptive, and precise it didn’t really read like a memoir. It was almost like having a normal conversation with him about his life experiences. I was drawn in by his honesty and how down to earth he was when expressing the things he’s been through and how it all affected him.

I was actually brought to tears after reading his camp story. As a parent we send our kids places thinking they’ll be safe only for unimaginable things to happen while they’re away and they never tell you. My heart really broke for him after that because what he experienced at camp was not only traumatic but unfair.

I love how he was able to take all of these difficult moments and use them as life lessons for survival throughout his journey. No matter what life threw his way he didn’t allow it to break him. As he stated in the book, “The people I respected taught me that fear was the worst thing a man could feel.” I hate men have been conditioned to believe they can’t show emotions or express how they feel. It was definitely a wild ride seeing the things he went through from a young child that later helped shape him into the man he is today. The story involving his wife Caron was so heartwarming too.

Overall, this was a page-turner had I not been reading other books in between I could’ve ate this up in one sitting. Special thanks to the author & @legacylitbooks for my gifted copy!!!!

Rating: 5/5⭐️

[Blane · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a frustrating read for me. I've read several of D. Watkins' books and find his firsthand insights into the "other" Baltimore to be as enthralling as they are frightening. My issue with this latest work is that it is just more of the same...no significant personal growth from 'The Beast Side' (2015) or 'The Cook Up' (2016)...in which Watkins seems to have learned from his past life, without completely putting it behind him.

I had higher hopes for 'Black Boy Smile', since it was focused on toxic masculinity and how it holds so many males back. But, Watkins still seems to fall into a lot of the traps (& the trappings) of living the toxic street life: Based on what he writes, it appears that he is still focused on useless consumer culture (a room for his sneakers...really?), heavily drinking, smoking way too much pot, and not eating healthy. And although he has purportedly put his drug dealing past to rest, he has yet (in any of his books) to have done much to accept responsibility for acts he committed connected with it.

[Ethan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why aren’t more people reading this book?!?! So so good!

[Andre(Read-A-Lot) · Rating 5 out of 5]

D. Watkins takes you inside his East Baltimore community and gives you a real unflinching representation of what he faced in those streets.
All the horrors of drugs and the collateral damage done by the presence of an unchecked culture where violence is more the norm than the exception. D. Watkins writes with an emotional bent that easily allows the reader to feel. Really feel. That’s D. Watkins’ super power.

It’s not all doom and gloom here, there are some moments that bring levity to the page and humanizes the community. It’s important to have these stories told, because of the potential for inspiration and in-depth information. It’s always much more impressive and important when you get the story of a community from a loving, knowing native! D. Watkins is a chronicler that the reader can trust. Well done!

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book jacket copy tells you everything, but it still can't prepare you for how you'll feel as you read how D. Watkins became hardened, then began to reconcile masculinity and vulnerability. Gorgeous evolution of his writing, and as usual, I can't wait for what comes next in his career.

"It looks like my whole body of literary work is an accumulation of trauma I suffered, endured, created, and survived. But I learned to be hyper selective about choosing what trauma I wanted to share. I promote what I want to be promoted, and bury what I need to be buried." (152)

[Percy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Library folks should check out my forthcoming review in Booklist Magazine!

[thewanderingjew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Black Boy Smile, D. Watkins
This is a really hard book to read. Every page is heartbreaking. Written in short, anecdotal memories, from 1989, when the author was 9 years old, until the first birthday of his daughter, Cross, in 2021, the author rolls out his life and his experiences in cold, clear terms, and most importantly, honest and brutal terms. He does not mince words about his past, and he has never been punished for his crimes. He was, after all, a bully, a drug dealer who negatively affected the lives of others, a thug who organized and participated in violent fights, and a dropout from school. Although he reformed himself, he never paid any price to society or to those he harmed.
Miraculously to me, although he was bullied, beaten and abused, he was somehow able to overcome the negative effects of the neighborhood, East Baltimore, that shaped him into the mold of an arrogant bully and a hard-core criminal, to reshape himself into another, that of a respectable citizen, husband, father and successful author. He does not explain how he was able to get into the excellent schools of higher learning, nor how he was able to get into programs others desperately tried to and failed. Did he have the advantages provided to him by this white society that is so demeaned, to enable him to accomplish his goals after so sordid a past? Regardless of how it happened, his monumental reversal of a criminal life into an honorable, productive, and loving life that provides a positive example to those with whom he interacts is truly marvelous. Perhaps, if he had been forced to do prison time for his past life, he would only have learned to be a better criminal. Who knows the answer to that question? He rehabilitated himself quite well, and after all, was that not the original ultimate goal of prison and punishment.
His view of reality and mine will never be the same. We will never walk in the same shoes. Our backgrounds, though both born without a silver spoon, were completely different. I was not forced to take on the persona of a tough, or to do immoral and unethical things to survive, but I made choices that did not include criminality, and nothing could have made me choose that direction. He bemoans the fact that, someday, his daughter will not be paid as much for her work, as white men, but what about white women? Are any women paid fairly? Does it have anything to do with qualifications, education, loyalty, responsibility? He bemoans the way summer camp shaped and abused him, but he doesn’t mention doing anything to actually reform those camps, nor does he explain why his mother thought it would be so great an experience, or why she lied to him about his cousins going, only to find out that he was alone and in the older boy’s bunk with nobody to protect him.
Still, reading about how he was introduced to sex, at 9 years old, by a monstrous, amoral camp counselor and a ridiculously inappropriate female, was shocking for me to read. It is a wonder that he came out of his experiences wanting a normal life, let alone being able to cope with one. How could no one even know about such atrocities happening in a place that was supposed to be child friendly, a place that was supposed to enrich him, to enlighten him, not shame and humiliate him? Perhaps that is the part of his background and culture that has to be attacked first, the one with a code of silence that destroys the men and women of East Baltimore and other places just like that. The only ones benefiting from the culture there are the politicians they keep electing. Maybe it is time to start thinking before they vote for the same old, same old.
Dwight grew up in a family that cared about him, but was not demonstrative. How old were his parents when they became parents? Why did they not live together? How did his father finally get straight? Perhaps his mother’s loyalty and hard work paid off, in the end. She had values that could be respected by him. However, because of his dysfunctional childhood and young adult years, he did not fulfill his childhood dream until he was well into what can only be called adulthood, and he did not learn how to give or receive love until he met his wife, Caron, who saw his potential and believed in him, after she got to know him better, and he got to know the man that he wanted to be. She is also an amazing example of what can be accomplished, in spite of the odds stacked against her, and in spite of this charge of white privilege and systemic racism, supposedly holding all others back. Still, there are definitely odds stacked against them at times. They fear cops and taunt the cops, which makes it a vicious circle of corruption. Even a pot will boil over sometimes. Taught that they have to appear strong and powerful, rather than behaving morally strong, they learn early that it is a dog-eat-dog world they live in, but that is East Baltimore and neighborhoods like it, not the real world outside of it. Who is it stacking the odds against them? That is the real question. In many ways, when you read this book, you will wonder why the people of neighborhoods like this allow such criminal gang behavior to dominate their streets. Their own community demands behavior that is beneath contempt, at times, and yet when offered opportunities, over and over, by outside communities, to improve themselves and the community, they either don’t avail themselves of the opportunity or they still blame the outsiders for their failures.
After reading this, I was faced with the realization that I would probably be dead had I been raised in his ghetto in the Baltimore that he loves so much and considers home. I would never have been able to succumb to the unethical and amoral behavior many of them do, and would have probably been murdered or beaten. I am an idealist and was “the class lawyer”, always defending the underdog, the one the thugs would have destroyed. I was part of the group of goody-two-shoes that threatened them with a conscience.
In some ways, I believe that D. Watkins was part of a group that could be called marginalized, but he participated in that marginalization with his silence, until he spoke out. Was he under-served? Most certainly, but not necessarily by outside communities. It was his own community that corrupted and threatened him, his own friends and family that made him a criminal. So, why is the outside community blamed?

[Kendra Pierre-Louis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful story, great read. New found love and appreciation for Baltimore and honestly a new perspective on black boy joy. Thank you D.Watkins for this!

[Brandon Jackson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Strong story. Good narrative that explores the pain and suffering black men endure. Best part was learning his resilience and his “why” behind striving for better.

Would recommend to any black man and anybody surrounding themselves with black men.

[Amy Houghton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Damn. Very raw, very straight-up. True to his roots, to himself, as heartbreaking, harsh, dangerous, and finally loving are these select moments that Watkins shares. You know that saying, If you know, you know? I could never know. But now I've had a glimpse.
(CW: sexual abuse, drug abuse)

[Jaclyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though I'd already read two previous memoirs by D. Watkins (The Beast Side and The Cook Up), I couldn't put this one down. Watkins' voice is so authentic and engaging. I would say he writes how he talks, but that undersells the illusion writers need to pull off to achieve this effect. Reading this book feels like sitting down with the author one-on-one for a series of vulnerable conversations that veer off into stories neither of you expected to hear or tell, but then the moment was right and so here we are.

The jacket copy kind of says it all. Readers of Watkins' other books will find some familiar stories, especially in the span of time he spent dealing drugs, but even those are told from a very different angle. The actual work is a backdrop, and Watkins meanwhile focuses on the core relationships and emotional role models in his life. This is so important not just for the young people who will see themselves reflected in Watkins' writing, but for any readers who think they won't.

On that note, I think I would've liked to have seen a little more word count dedicated to Watkins' healing around relationships and emotional availability/vulnerability. That aspect felt a little rushed. But I'm also aware Watkins wrote this in part for the next generation of young men, and wanted to get it into high schools and the like. So I'm going to trust he knows the book he would've needed as an older teen, and this is it. Young people will undoubtedly see themselves in these pages, and the end of Watkins' story will allow them to envision a different end for their own.

[DearBookClub · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was entertaining, honest, and unique. The author talks about growing up in East Baltimore. While he mentions his mother and siblings, the majority of the book focuses on his relationship with his father. While growing up in a rough neighborhood he grew up with male influences that did not allow him to be vulnerable or express his true feelings. Crying was seen as a weakness, and their are a few moments during the book where he definitely needed a safe space to cry. His dad fought and overcome addiction. Watching their relationship develop was the most beautiful part of the book. Without giving too much away, his story is a powerful one.

[Rae Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any book that mention Murphy Homes is an automatic 5 star for me. The generation of people who lived through that era of Baltimore is phasing out, so I appreciate any work of literature that is keep the legacy of my birth place going.

My only critique is that I wish the part where he transitioned from the streets to school was more flushed out. He did explain the circumstances around his life change, but I felt like the story could’ve benefited from a little more explanation, maybe give us the actual moment or situation that happened that sparked the change idk…

Otherwise this was a very raw, authentic, and vulnerable memoir in moments

[DaniPhantom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great portrayal of how it is to be young & black in inner city Baltimore. I have never lived in Baltimore, but I do live close by and it is great & refreshing to see something that not only adds to modern black literature, but informs others & can connect with the young black generation as well.

[Jay Keenan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I taught in East Baltimore. Thomas G Hayes ES. This book hit home for me. Worked with so many young children that dealt with the same problems that D faced. His honesty about being a black male was upsetting at times. But his courage lead him to succeed. Great read. D, I wish you and your family nothing buy the best.

[Lauren Harper · Rating 5 out of 5]

devastating and sad and horrifying to read about what goes on just up the road from me and what some of my patients are growing up in but feel like i gained so much perspective on my privileges growing up as well as moving to baltimore. fantastic read. not sure if ive really done a memoir before but this was a good one.

[reneeNaDaCherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

An interesting look into the writer D. Watkins life. Growing up in east Baltimore was definitely tough. It's encouraging to see a good kid make something better by choosing education to open up his world view. One of my favorite memoirs.

Read 6/25/2022.

[Naye · Rating 5 out of 5]

This gives a lot of insight to the life of East Baltimore. I would warn that if childhood sexual assault is triggering to keep that in mind ro emotionally prepare. I listened to the audio book which really makes his story come to life

[Jasmine Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great easy read, with rich life experiences. I love how he captured his life with raw emotions and details. I pray this book reaches many of our young black boys and it inspires them to read, and want to live a life with a permanent smile not temporary joy.

[Larry Jenkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

What many black boys have to go through. Heart breaking and brilliant. Thank God he wins in the end

[Stacey Bene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trauma after trauma are detailed in this memoir by D Watkins. It’s a story if survival and the resiliency abs depth of character that followed. Excellent writing! Thank you Legacy Lit for the ARC!

[Laura Uzarowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everything D writes is amazing - honest and open and vulnerable. And I love east Baltimore so it’s even more special to me.

[Carolyn Jewell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone who had a childhood can see their own adolescent struggles in this touching, heartbreaking, hilarious book. And what a well-deserved, happy ending.

[Roxan DeGennaro · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is all about true survival. As a girl from Cleveland and now residing in Baltimore -By choice! I appreciate this take on the way things are and that the only person who can save you -is YOU!

[theythemsam · Rating 5 out of 5]

😭🥹 such a great memoir

[Deitra Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautiful book of struggle, hope and the ability to overcome while being loyal to your roots...I feel empowered and hopeful
. Thank you Lil D!