Been There, Done That: A Rousing History of Sex

by Rachel Feltman

A rollicking, myth-busting history of sex that moves from historical attempts at birth control to Hildegard von Bingen’s treatise on the female orgasm, demystifying plenty of urban legends along the way.

Roman physicians told female patients they should sneeze out as much semen as possible after intercourse to avoid pregnancy. Historical treatments for erectile dysfunction included goat testicle transplants. In this kaleidoscopic compendium of centuries-old erotica, science writer Rachel Feltman shows how much sex has changed—and how much it hasn’t. With unstoppable curiosity, she debunks myths, breaks down stigma, and uses the long, outlandish history of sex to dissect present-day practices and taboos.

Feltman’s mischievous humor dismantles fear and brings scientific literacy to a subject surrounded by misinformation, and indeed, as it gravitates toward the strange,  Been There, Done That  delivers some sorely needed sex ed. Explorations into age-old questions and bizarre trivia around birth control, aphrodisiacs, STIs, courtship rituals, and more establish that, when it comes to carnal pleasures and procreation, there’s never been a normal, and sex isn’t something to be scared of.

Genres: Nonfiction, History, Science, Audiobook, Sexuality, Sociology, Psychology

336 pages, Hardcover

First published May 17, 2022

Reviews

[Debra - can't post any comments on site today grrr · Rating 4 out of 5]

You know you are in for an interesting book when you are on page two and you learn "that only 3 percent of male birds have dicks,” They are not alone, there are many creatures out there who do not genitals that we think of as being traditional instead having a cloaca. I also learned that clownfish are all born male but some "are lucky enough to turn into females."

In the beginning, she does talk about the animal kingdom, genitals, or lack thereof, mating practices, and sexual cannibalism in certain species. But she then turns to mankind, where she discusses pretty much the same thing - mating practices, how ancient people thought pregnancy occurred, when marriage occurred (around 2350 BC in Syria), reproduction, sex, ancient sex toys (bees in a canister), porn (ancient and modern), etc. She also touches on viewpoints on same sex couples throughout history.

There is a lot of information in here and it is presented in a often fun light hearted way. Seriously love letters about farting during sex. I laughed like a fool. Seriously between the unusually large duck penis and ode to farting, I couldn't stop smiling. The Author did extensive research, and I enjoyed her approach to writing this book.

Did I learn some things - interesting trivia mainly but I found this to be an entertaining, informative and fun read. In the words of George Michael "Sex is natural. Sex is fun." So is this book! This might be the most fun you have reading nonfiction. Unless you are uncomfortable with sex, then you might want to grab something else.

This is a nonfiction book and also dubbed as a history book as she looks back throughout history at beliefs, practices, and how things have changed and evolved. This is not a humor book but there are sections that were quite funny as the author has a great sense of humor and it shows in her writing.

Thank you to PublicAffairs, Bold Type Books and NetGalley who provided me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All the thoughts and opinions are my own.

Read more of my reviews at www.openbookposts.com

[Rennie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some really interesting stuff and an overall message that whatever you’re like, you’re probably normal. It’s written in that jokey Mary Roach-style of science writing but the humor attempts wear out quickly since they’re near-constant. It also veers off on some wild tangents that have little or nothing to do with the topic at hand. It’s good if you haven’t come across much of this elsewhere.

[aphrodite · Rating 3 out of 5]

very interesting & inclusive reading experience!! lots of great messages and facts that I unabashedly shared with my coworkers at 11am against their will!! fun times!!

[B. Rule · Rating 2 out of 5]

Calling this a history is vastly overselling it; it's at best a sexual miscellany with some historical anecdotes included. Feltman is counting on sex-positivity and a manic level of jokey patter to carry the day. The first element is appreciated and the latter is simply to be endured. Her humor is about on the level with Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, or a gaggle of thirteen year olds: lots of innuendo and the supreme confidence that curse words are inherently funny. I mean, I guess? It doesn't bother me but it's also pretty boring.

Which is funny, because Feltman is constantly on about how boring mainstream, hetero culture is. Generally speaking, I'm with her on the side of the freaks, but this book really made me feel like that position is a lazy, surface-level one. The ubiquity of the mainstream really just disguises how bizarre it often is. A more astute writer on sex would have picked up on this and analyzed the weirdness of our ever-changing mores related to what's sexy (i.e., how did we go from Kate Moss to Kim Kardashian?) or noted how often "deviant" behaviors get channeled into "appropriate" forms (e.g., the homoerotic roleplay of sports, etc.). Feltman doesn't address any of that, but focuses on a number of practices from other cultures to make the point that there's nothing new under the sun.

This is probably a fine book for a youngster or someone wrestling with their sexual urges. I applaud Feltman's fundamental point that most activities are totally normal and ethically fine if you've got mutual consent. I enjoyed some of her anecdotes, learned a little bit about Moche pottery, and every once in a while cracked a smile at her jokes. However, this was ultimately a pretty lightweight volume that really could have used more organization. If you approach it as bathroom reading, you might enjoy it. 2.5/5 stars.

[Peyton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Perfect for casual, niche history readers. I did find trouble keeping interest in this book as I kept setting it down and didn't have a great urge to pick it back up, but it was definitely interesting and I was able to learn a few new fascinating tidbits that I will be sure to share around the dinner table. ;)

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 but rounded up to 4 because honestly it was a solid book. There was so much about the history of sex that I had zero clue about and felt like this book taught me a lot.
Recommendation from me is to listen to this on audiobook instead of reading. The author was extremely funny and I believe that if I had listened to the audiobook version it would have been a lot more entertaining.

[Kirsten Paoline König · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is brilliant. It's wise and extremely witty at the same time. Hilariously (even making you laugh out loud) funny, but unmistakably on point in your face about gender and sexuality throughout ages.
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Rachel Feltman's book doesn't feel as if she's constantly teaching you facts, it's more like she's the cool aunt on a boring family party stuffing you with non-random facts about bird penises (they hardly have any), gender switching clownfish (and the poor choices Disney made) and the simple ways cowboys and black swans turned out to be gay as fuck.
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I chuckled a lot while learning the facts I can and will use in expressing that not 'everybody is gay nowadays'. It would be a far more tolerant world if we all were. And let's please keep in mind: 'We have always projected our cultural nonsense onto sex and how we have it and talk about it., which means it's always been complicated, and weird, and also the most normal thing in the world. What's normal now has not always been so and won't be forever.' Nobody (not even Rachel) can tell you what you need, but you're probably not masturbating more than a 'normal amount' and whatever you think is hot, you're not alone. So GO FIND OUT. Amen.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fairly enjoyable—it’s next week’s excellent Peculiar Book Club read—which I’ve finished early because my audiobook was due at the library & not available for immediate renewal.

Moved from how single cell organisms reproduced and sexual organs evolved on early earth in to how different ages & societies regulated sexual behavior and how our current times affect our perception thereof to current sexual issues. It’s humorous and felt kind of like an intimate, open conversation about several aspects of sexual relations.

I’m rounding up to four stars because this book’s repeated sex- and queer-positive refrains might be exactly what some reader needs to hear, and because Rachel Feltman bravely offers a narrative her own (not always positive) sexual experiences to ground her overview of our intimate history.

[Ulfa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun Reading experience. This is basically a trivia, lots of trivia about a history of sex. I had fun reading this because it somewhat included unexpected tidbits about animal hanky-panky (!!!??) which are intere.sted to know. Also, I listened to this on my commute and loved the audiobook version a lot more than the physical book. So, final premise: read this book and treat it as you were listening to a podcast. It's a fun read!

[Sugarpuss O'Shea · Rating 1 out of 5]

You can always tell when you don't like a book because you'll do anything rather than read said book-- cut your grandfather's gnarly toenails, scrub the toilets in Grand Central, clean the oven after decades of heavy use-- anything! To me, this was one of those books. I cannot state enough how much I abhorred it. Do yourself a favor & just read the list at the end of the conclusion. You'll save yourself the utter frustration of having to sit through monotonous, never-ending, annoyingly irritating anecdotes that the author thinks are cute. Don't get me wrong, I understand the concept of conversational writing, especially when discussing something as intimate as sex, but this book was like getting stuck with the Girl You Wish You Hadn't Started a Conversation With at a Party, only not nearly as funny.

[Ashley Cruzen]

DNF @ 20%

this is an attempt at a Mary Roach style humerous non fiction, but the jokes did not land for me and were so frequent it was taking away from the information, not adding to it.

[Whitney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly interesting. Lots of little facts I was able to discuss with others. Made me question a lot about the “settled science” in this field (i.e. it isn’t settled and hasn’t really ever been settled. We’re still figuring A LOT things out). Highly recommend the read.

[Kirsti · Rating 4 out of 5]

Irreverent, information-packed book about how and why different creatures have sex. Thanks to this book, I finally understand how a cloaca works. The later chapters are almost entirely about humans (in history and today). To me, one of the most interesting parts of the book was the account of Giles Brindley and one of the most startling scientific presentations ever: https://www.discovermagazine.com/heal...

[Olivia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would love to have a conversation with Rachel Feltman. This book feels like a stream of consciousness, which is fun for a little bit, but I definitely think her podcast is better formatted for this. I love this book cover though.

[Ruby Auman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok so why did the end of this book make me cry

[Yanique Gillana · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars

I am grateful to the publisher PublicAffairs, Bold Type Books for sending me an advanced copy of this book for review.

This is probably the funniest nonfiction book that I've ever read. It was hilarious from beginning to end. While the hilarity of the narrative really stood out, the actual content of the book was very well organized and presented. This book discusses the topics of sex, reproduction, and the societal standards that surround the way in which these things are discussed and the way these things were perceived by societies throughout time. Though I was already familiar with most of the information in here, I was still able to learn many interesting new facts. I think this book is an excellent tool for dispersing information and the Narrative format of this book makes it accessible, engaging, and not at all like reading a textbook .

I think the author did a great job of combining fun facts about the animal Kingdom, human history, and funny anecdotes, which keep the reader interested and allow for great retention of information . I also think there was a really good balance between discussing societal issues like gender inequality, LGBTQ+ issues, and Capitalism , while staying on topic and showing how these things are directly connect with how we see/engage with sex. And again, this was not done in a way that never seemed tedious , but rather quite engaging and funny.

I really enjoyed this read and I'm glad I picked it up. I would recommend this for every reader who has an interest in the topic of sex and its perception in our societies, and not just for fans of nonfiction . I think any audience could find this book to be enjoyable as well as informative.

[Aby Jo · Rating 3 out of 5]

You had me at duck dicks.

Witty and informative.(My favorite way of learning)

I feel like I added to my box of weird facts that I can bring up around friends or make small talk with random strangers (don’t talk about the history of sex to strangers at the grocery checkout line, that’s a joke.)

If you’re looking just to learn something new and don’t want too much scientific terminology (that make brain go burrr) then this should be on your list. I mean Bill Nye like it and in Bill Nye we trust. (Assuming he liked it since he’s review is on the books back cover.)

[Victoria | · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just looking at this cover, I knew this was going to be a fun experience! Rachel Feltman's writing style is witty and entertaining. With use of some slang and pop culture references, Feltman puts together a fascinating story of the history of sex. And not just the act of sex and human mating rituals, but Feltman shares interesting information about sex and gender identity in different cultures, birth control, sex among animals, relationships, etc. That's just the tip of the iceberg!
Feltman has a very comfortable and empathetic approach to the subject. Letting us know that it is okay if you're not interested in sex, being queer isn't something new, and that whatever kinks you might have are normal and you're probably not alone.
I learned quite a bit of new information. The best part, is that this book would be fantastic for those who don't read nonfiction often.
I found myself chuckling throughout the pages. It was wholly entertaining, informative, and just a joy to read.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher, PublicAffairs for the eARC and of course Rachel Feltman for writing an amazing book!

[Anne · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m beginning to wonder about the quality of the books on goodreads recently posted article on micro-histories.

This book is not a history of sex so much as a history of the author’s sex life.

I made it to chapter 3 before giving up.

[Nat]

well, i learned a lot. some good, some i wish i didn’t because yikes (LOL) but overall this book made me feel less alone. sex is weird and that’s just fine! 😎

[Simon Gonzalez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, this was fun. As a fan of historical nonfiction, this specific topic seemed very intriguing to me and I'm glad that I decided to pick it up. Though I felt the book touched upon a vast number of topics, I really only took a few lessons from it that I'm now grateful to know. I do think the extensiveness of the book is what makes it a bit 50/50, leaving little room for doubt but also little room for breathing.

This book is intriguing. Rachel Feltman covers a range of ideas, histories, theories, and conversations relating to sex. From animals and microbes, to queerness and fetishes, Feltman takes you through a journey of both discovery and self-discovery while attempting to unpack the historical aspects of sex in humanity and its tight-knit relationship to science and religion. How we see sex, how we've seen it in the ugly past, and how we'll go on to see it only evolves with time and knowledge, and this book adds to this conversation quite beautifully.

This book, to me, felt a bit all over the place. I do think the reason for this is its structure and how it tries to pack in so much information not only within the entire tome itself but also within each micro-chapter. The opening and subsequent first few chapters aren't as engaging as I would have expected from such a playful cover (though Feltman's friendly voice does shine through, especially as the book progresses). The topics at hand are, naturally, dripping with history and taboo that creates a sort of heaviness and that, in itself, is clouded by the scientific language paired with the off-hand writing. It was a bit jarring at first and continued on through some chapters-- not all. Still, this doesn't fully draw away from the book's effectiveness.

Another point is Feltman's writing. Like I said, there's a sense of unsteadiness when it comes to balancing a heartfelt/relatable prose and scientific/academic one. I was at times either chuckling and reflecting on my own sexual life and the next page I'd be confused over a passage explicating the sex organs of an animal. There seemed to be a separation between the two as opposed to a connection, and though it's obvious Feltman didn't do this on purpose and still succeeded in communicating the right ideas and information, it doesn't take away from the fact that the reading experience is interrupted.

Enough about the bad, though, because this book truly offers important insights. First, the chapter on queerness and heteronormativity should be mandatory reading. The fact that misogyny and religious hypocrisy has ruled our world for so long is absolutely ridiculous, sad, and downright annoying. Feltman does an excellent job breaking down the causes for a lot of our rules and taboos, and the funny ways churches used to justify punishment, cruelty, intolerance, hate, and discrimination. Unfortunately, this is still the case in a lot of the world, the difference is that we have the capacity to be smarter, think for ourselves, and learn with the myriad of resources available.

Another chapter I enjoyed was the final one, where Feltman explains fetishes and kinks and where those may derive from, as well as many historical anecdotes that are both hilarious and thought-provoking. It really makes you think about the long and slow progression of humanity and science, and the things we used to do and not do that were considered normal, immoral, or hot. The two chapters I mentioned -- as well as Feltman's anecdote about her mother near the end of the book -- make it truly worthwhile to sink into this read and learn something new and interesting.

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting collection of stories and facts about sex both in an evolutionary sense and historically as animals and people figured out many fun and weird ways to do the deed.

Appreciated the authors funny upbeat tone and even more so appreciated the book being so LGBTQ+ forward and sex positive.

[E. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think everyone should read this which sounds like high praise but it really does shake what you thought you knew about sex (duh), gender and kinks to name a few! It's also lots of fun to read, a great mix of useful information and humor.

[Gregg · Rating 5 out of 5]

A veritable trove of history, commentary and much needed perspective on sex and its various subtopics. In a nutshell: this country is seriously screwed up with its hangups, and whatever you’re into, people have been into literally for centuries.

[L.B. Holding · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious, smart, non-fiction account of the history and psychology of sex, both human and non. The author has a podcast, The Weirdest Think I learned This Week, that I must hunt down. Next time someone asks me who in the world I would choose to have a beer with, it will be, hands-down, Rachel Feltman, (who is, by the way, also the editor of Popular Science magazine.)

Just a couple of things I learned: Cleopatra had vibrators made by her slaves that were in fact gourds filled with angry bees. Koalas are riddled with chlamydia, and the antibiotics administered to them is knocking out crucial bacteria in their guts, which is ultimately starving off the species. And male penguins are known to have sex with dead penguins, taking the dead's posture as sexual submission.

Just wait till you read how early science described what makes human babies.

Amazing read, and a really fun book club night.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating stuff! I do wish the material had been organized a little bit better. I would love to see this as a miniseries because I think pairing it with the visuals would be incredible.

[Danielle Bonanno · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay this was great — a pal wrote this one, but wow I learned so much and feel totally empowered with all this new knowledge! Just a really cool book that I read in a flash. Definitely recommend!

[aimee · Rating 4 out of 5]

i wish i could go back to the version of me who didn’t know what duck penises look like but i still had a good time 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Scarlett O.H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliantly funny!

[Joshua Van Dereck · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Been There, Done That, Feltman sets out to provide a quick historical overview of human sexuality, and a rapid deep dive into the history of sex and sexuality throughout the animal kingdom. The book is short but thorough, with a lot of interesting details and rich scientific observations.

My one primary quibble with this work is that I was essentially drawn to the promise of a scientific look at the subject, and there's a lot of normative language in this book, making recommendations about safe sex and trotting out cutesy slang terms for things, and broadcasting a lot of political perspectives about sexuality and gender, etc. I have no complaints about the political perspectives advanced or the sound reasoning behind them—Feltman is level-headed and thoughtful and writes very well—I was just most especially enthusiastic about the science and history angle, which the book promised, and found myself occasionally wading through additional content that I hadn't really signed up for.

That aside, the Been There, Done That is a great book. The examination of the history of heterosexual evolution is especially interesting—I won't give spoilers, but Feltman offers up evidence of much wider and more frequent homosexual and pansexual proclivities among animals of all sorts than I had read about previously (I thought we were mostly talking about mammals and birds, but wow... bedbugs??!). Some of the history of pornography in this volume is also provocative and fascinating, and the discussion of Victorian society was also quite surprising to me, and I have read a lot about that period of history.

So, I guess I would say, brace for a bunch of slang language and a little bit of sermonizing that is probably mostly preaching to the choir, and otherwise enjoy a wonderful, well composed, and entertainingly written book about sex—its science, history, and culture. It's a good book for an adult to read, probably an even better book for a teen, and all around well done!