You Don't Want to Know: The grisly, jaw-dropping and most macabre moments from history, nature and beyond

by James Felton

Ever wondered why the chainsaw was invented?* How authorities dealt with a beached whale back in ye olde days of 1970?** Or what being a human decanter entails?*** Then you've come to the right place!

Within these pages you'll find the maddest, strangest and downright grossest stories from history, nature and science that you don't want to know. (Except secretly you really do you masochistic, beastly person you.) Illustrated, painfully funny and drop-your-jaw ridiculous, this is trivia from the cesspit of time that you won't be able to stop reading once you start.

*To aid childbirth.
**They exploded it with 100 times too much dynamite and rained blubber down on unsuspecting people and buildings.
***Decency prevents us from answering this one here. You'll have to buy the book to find out.

Genres: Nonfiction, History, Humor, Audiobook, Comedy, Reference

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 7, 2021

Reviews

[K.J. Charles]

Basically a loo book (ie to be read in five minute bursts), but a very entertaining one. Heavy on the swears and written in an extremely internet style; very funny in a gross and occasionally horrifying way.

[Sarah AF · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is pretty much the perfect Christmas read, ideal for dipping into during those quiet moments over the festive season. The stories dotted from across history range from bizarre to amusing to downright alarming at times, all relayed with such wit and warmth. I don't think I'll ever look at a penguin in the same way again.

[Christina · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

Many of the stories were interesting, but I don't like the conversational tone that tried to be current and funny. I would have preferred a more neutral style.

[Kersi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty interesting historical side facts.
Still, the writing style was sometimes quite annoying...

[Land Stander · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's about what you'd expect from a Christmas gift book, really. In fact, in one of the chapters the author even acknowledges that the reader probably received the book as a Christmas gift. I loved this book, though, it's a great laugh. The author has a very sardonic wit and although he covers the kind of stories that have been done to death, like Mike the headless chicken and bodies on Everest, he does manage to keep it very fresh with a fantastic talent for writing in a hilariously sarcastic manner that has had me laughing the whole way through and he also manages to keep it to the point, the longest chapter being around four pages long.

I enjoyed it.

[Ramón Nogueras Pérez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Una serie de historias más o menos dantescas, grotescas o absurdas sobre costumbres pasadas como los juicios medievales por masturbación, accidentes horribles o fenómenos estrambóticos. Ameno, y he sacado material para añadir a alguna charla.

[Catelyn Evans · Rating 4 out of 5]

some things I REALLY didn't want to know but mostly, an enjoyable read

[Hannu Sinisalo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Muutaman sivun mittaisia outoja, uskomattomia ja aika mauttomiakin juttuja, joita historian mittaan on tapahtunut. Yleensä mukana on eritteitä, kuolemaa, idiotismia tai useimmiten näitä kaikkia. En tiedä, mistä se kertoo, että näistä jutuista yllättävän moni oli minulle jo ennestään tuttuja (kuten miten 70-luvulla ajateltiin hankkiutua eroon rannalle kuolleesta valaasta, tai että joku on elänyt kymmeniä vuosia valtava reikä vatsassaat, tai että on ollut sonnin muotoinen pronssinen kidutuslaite, jonka sisälle teljetty kuoleva mylvii kuin sonni). Ihan kiinnostava kirja. Yksi tähti lähtee pois vähän turhan karkeasta kielenkäytöstä. Huumori - mustakin – on ok, muttei sen ehkä jatkuvaa kiroilua tarvitsisi olla.

[Phil Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some people will believe anything and are easily fooled and there are prime examples in this book. Also contains the sorts of things that seem like a good idea after an all-day drinking session.

[Funilesh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Real amusing. We humans so dumb.

[D.K. Powell · Rating 4 out of 5]

James Felton is one of those writers who don't just call a spade a spade: they call it a fecking great shovel. And when I say 'fecking', that's not the word he's really using, obviously. It's a close cousin. He uses it a lot. Combine this with the actual subject matter (which includes the behaviour of penguins which will convince you never to give a soft toy one to a child again) and you've got a book which really comes close to its title. This is not for the squeamish.

Of course, fans of Felton's previous books (and I am one) know exactly what he's like and love him for it. With titles like '52 Times Britain Was a Bellend' you know you're not getting something flowing in academic prose. This is, frankly, boys' toilet humour. Felton is coarse, gross and insulting. He's rather wonderful.

Behind the jokes and rudeness, lies impressive research. His previous books stand up to scrutiny. I know this because there were occasional times I cried "that can't be true!" and went to check for myself. I was wrong: it can and it was. This book is no different. With a range of topics - from the origins of chainsaws and breakfast cereal to debunking myths such as the death of Rasputin and what happens if you sneeze with your eyes open - Felton covers a ridiculous amount of the weird, wonderful and, honestly, just ridiculous. It is a smorgasbord of stuff to make you go "Ew!".

I do have a criticism however. I've collected books like this ever since I was a young lad (I still have the first I bought called "What A Way To Go" on my shelves). From Heroic Failures to Darwin Awards and QI books galore, I collected, read and loved them all. But the death of Rasputin features in several of them and here is Felton debunking it. That's nothing new.

I recall in the early 2000s the 'facts' about what it means when you see statues of horses standing on four, three or two legs. Supposedly this told us whether the rider died in battle or not. It was nonsense and eventually a trivia book debunked that. Yet, for a while, it was one of those "I didn't know that" moments.

And that's just what Felton's book is like. I can't help but wonder if, at some point in the future, many of these stories he tells here will prove to be false (I certainly hope so when it comes to the penguins. I really, really hope so). But that uncertainty does taint the enjoyment. His previous books on the British and the Sun newspaper are rooted in solid historical fact. You can look up any of our bellend moments for yourself and the pictures of the Sun's front pages are easy to obtain. But this current material is more difficult to pin down. The sources Felton uses may well turn out to be spurious one day.

Nevertheless, I'm pretty certain most of it will hold up over time. After all, most of the content of those books I've collected over forty years still holds up too (it's just disappointing when sometimes it doesn't). And as such, I'm more than happy to share these tales with friends and family, shamelessly presenting it as though it was my own earnest discovery and feeling pretty certain no one is going to say "Wait a minute, penguins really don't do that. And I should know because I just happen to have a Phd in Penguinology." I kind of wish someone would, to be honest.

Penguinologists aside, its a cracking book; lots of fun and enough to intrigue and amaze anyone. Not for the squeamish and not for young children (ye gods, don't make that mistake) but otherwise a perfect Christmas or birthday gift for anyone who wants to read about painful amputations, stupid deaths, weird science or a range of things about animals you didn't want to know. Especially penguins.

[James R. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't enjoy this book as much as Felton's others, perhaps because there wasn't a common theme tying together each short chapter whereas the previous books had been along a particular theme, like The Sun's worst stories. Having said that, each individual chapter was entertaining, taking interesting and unusual stories and telling them in an irreverant and silly way. I'd heard of a few of these stories before but Felton's style of writing still added something to them.

[Nishant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, Gross and of no use facts. But definitely a good read and it is funny.

It should be a read on everyone's list just for some bizarre facts. But for also to see people can and will do horrendous, funny and stupid things as serious thoughts.

Good one.

[Steven McCallum · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading James Felton's previous books, "52 Times Britain was a Bellend" and "Sunburn". "You Don't Want to Know" continues along the same lines. The stories explored are as intriguing as they are disturbing, and Felton's wit is as engaging as you'd expect.

4/5.

[Ruth McAvinia · Rating 1 out of 5]

Disappointing read. Normally I find James Felton very funny but this was too snide and tasteless for me. Short synopses of internet articles and not very much original research. It just felt like a bad day on Twitter. Sorry.

[Jenifer Lavery · Rating 5 out of 5]

Horrible historyesque for adults

Absolutely silly adults mind you. Some of this I knew, some of this I didn't and some of which I really wish I didn't know now. And at least none chapter I had to skip

[Grant · Rating 3 out of 5]

Entertaining but filled with a lot of common parts of history.

[Shaneice · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve yet to meet a James Felton book that didn’t make me laugh/groan/gasp out loud at throughout the entire reading. And I hope I never do.

[Iampav · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, illuminating and shocking, but always entertaining. A must read, but you must have Google on standby to expand on the stories which are incredible and incredulous but always well produced.

[Deb Lancaster · Rating 4 out of 5]

Felton makes me laugh on Twitter and with his other books and he made me laugh with this one. Some of these stories I know from various podcasts but v amusingly compiled. And thus a 5 star

[Emily W · Rating 4 out of 5]

The right combination of factual, gruesome and hilarious.

[Luffs · Rating 1 out of 5]

Waste of my hard earned money

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5*

[Darren · Rating 1 out of 5]

The only reason it got one star is because this book could still be used as toilet paper on a submarine thereby finally giving it a use.

[Louise · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to the audio version. It's okay, a lot of the stories in here I'd heard before. Might be better for older teens.

[Sophie Gatto · Rating 2 out of 5]

I knew many of the stories already and i wasn't loving the way he delivered the comedy in it (i often needed to read sentences multiple times to get what he was trying to say).

[Emma Dargue · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a book full of info about all the disgusting and unusual things that have happened within the world. One to dip in and out of.

[anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’ve listened to the podcast No Such Thing as a Fish or watched the tv show QI, well, this is their grosser cousin. Fortunately, that’s what I was looking for when I put this book on my wish list.

Some of these stories you may know, especially if you’ve been around the internet for a number of years. Oregon’s experiment in blowing up a beached whale is here. Our buddy Ea-Nasir’s angry letter to Nanni regarding the quality of copper is here. And of course the emu war.

But also there are lots of amazingly gross facts about surgery, animals, masturbation, animal masturbation, ways to die, science, ways to die using science, and tons of situations that could have been easily solved by humans learning to communicate.

I don’t predict it will age incredibly well due to a running set of jokes and commentary referencing current events, but then again, Ea-Nasir probably didn’t think his letter of complaint in cuneiform would last almost two thousand years either.

Good collection of vignettes, some stories of animal and human cruelty, will definitely turn off some readers. Buyer beware, this may not be the book for you.

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun little compendium to dip in and out of with a lot of startling anecdotes. (Although if you're like me, you may well have come across them already.) The conversational, Twitter-inflected style is nice in these small doses. Really needed more thorough editing, though; the brevity of the stories means that clarity is important, and having a story swap between uranium and radium between the first and second paragraphs, or refer to "the war" without having mentioned a war before makes for a bumpy ride.

[Seolhe · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fine way to kill a few hours.
A majority of the topics I was already familiar with (thank you Horrible Histories, Caitlin Doughty and tumblr), but there were still a couple of things in there I hadn't heard of.

I will say that the humour did get on my nerve at times, and I did find myself mentally go "Well, actually..." a couple of times (no, Ea-nāṣir's complaint letter was NOT chiseled in stone, it was pressed into CLAY, so it did not in fact take hours of time and insane levels of commitment, ahem).