“No checkpoint, and no wall, can come in the way of your relationship with God. It is personal; it is private; it is intimate. And Israel certainly cannot control it.”
In My Mother’s Footsteps is a evocatively immersive memoir that captures, with remarkable precision, all the feelings, thoughts and emotions associated with the refugee experience and the long, tiresome journey back home.
This a memoir from the perspective of a Palestinian Christian. The majority of literature I have read pertaining to Palestine thus far has either been historical non-fiction, touching upon all three religions claims to the land, or fictional works from a Palestinian Muslim perspective. It was refreshing to read something from a non-Muslim perspective, though the authors experiences as a Christian were not dissimilar in the slightest to the Muslim experience, in fact some of her family were/are Muslim and she warmly describes her blended family in intimate detail.
From Alexandria to Geneva and eventually California, Mona Hajjar Halaby, like many refugees, has settled in various places across the globe, though failing to call any one place home. One can talk at length about truly constitutes ‘home’ - is it your land of birth? Your country of origin? Where you grew up? Is it possible to have more than one home? This powerful yet tender memoir explores how, for most Palestinian refugees, home has mutated into an unreachable, alien entity that confers nothing but heartache and longing when reminded of. Familiar yet foreign, the homeland once so prosperous, dynamic and inclusive, has become a source of anguish for the exiled.
“I wasn’t born there; I never lived there, but I was from there.”
Flitting between her mothers letters and recounting her year-long role teaching conflict resolution at Ramallah Friends School (RFS), In My Mother’s Footsteps takes the reader on an enchanting—yet frustrating—expedition to the very heart of Palestine: both the Palestine pre-1948, as recounted by Halaby’s mother, Zakia Jabre, in her letters, and the Palestine as it was in 2007, during Mona’s teaching year at RFS.
“[My mother] wrote me letters during my year in Ramallah: letters that told her story, her love of Jerusalem, and her loss of Jerusalem.”
Succinctly presenting key historical events to provide context for the condition of Palestine today, as well as expounding on her own family history and the richness of her ancestral line, Habaly has made this a memoir that not only takes the reader on an intimate and emotional journey, but also educates them. This is therefore a suitable read for those unfamiliar with the situation in Palestine, for those wanting a better understanding of the situation without delving into more detailed and informative works such as The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine by Ilan Pappe or The Hundred Years War on Palestine by Rashid Khalidi. Halaby’s evocative descriptions of her homeland leave the reader yearning to visit… to stroll the streets of Jerusalem for themselves, to taste the freshly baked ka’ak, feel the chill of the Ramallah winter…
During her year at RFS, attempting to engage students in non-violent conflict resolution whilst living in one of the most militarised and occupied places on earth, transpired to be a challenging task. Halaby expounds on both her techniques to promote verbal and written conflict resolution, as well as detailing the delicacy and complexity of this aspirational task. She was acutely cognisant of her own limitations as a westerner/outsider (despite her Palestinian heritage) whilst striving to deconstruct the deep rooted, trauma-associated behavioural responses of her students. Struggling socially and emotionally, many of her students, contrary to popular belief, hadn’t matured to the extent of their western counterparts due to their trauma.
“Maybe when they couldn’t count on a responsive, predictable world, they became too afraid to grow up. I would have anticipated the opposite. I always assumed that children experiencing trauma and military violence grow up too fast.”
I found Halaby’s interactions with Israelis fascinating but unsurprising. Her inner turmoil and conflict were present in almost every interaction; from being kindly permitted entry into her mothers childhood home in Baq’a by the Israeli settlers who now resided there, to staying at a Kibbutz, to giving a tour of the area to Israeli settlers and explaining her families long standing ties to the land, I sympathised with her conflicted need to be courteous but firm and detached.
“I was the one who travelled to Palestine to teach children how to communicate their grievances in an open, direct, and non-violent manner, and here I was, shamefully unable to speak my truth to an Israeli.”
In all, this was a beautiful, bittersweet memoir and made me experience a multitude of emotions; I cried at the injustices burdened upon the Palestinian people, I smiled at the success of her conflict resolution programme and reformed students, and I wept for those, like her mother, unable to return to their homes from exile.
“I had to forget a little bit to live away from Palestine, because otherwise the intensity of my feelings of longing wold rip me to shreds.”