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Успяващите деца: Изненадващите причини някои да изостават, а други да процъфтяват
Възпитаваме ли децата си по най-правилния начин, когато се фокусираме върху оценките им в училище и ги товарим с допълнителни курсове и извънкласни занимания, с амбиции и очаквания?
Дали оценките и тестовете наистина са най-добрият белег за бъдещ успех в живота? Авторът на книгата „Успяващите деца“ Мишел Борба твърди, че не е така. Тя е педагог, който изследва поведението на децата от десетилетия, и това, което наблюдава в САЩ и в други западни страни напоследък, я е накарало да обяви тревога. Децата ни са в опасност. Нивата на депресия, тревожност, усещане за празнота и прегаряне се повишават все повече. Новото поколение расте в среда и на фона на очаквания, които са много по-различни от тези за всяко друго поколение преди него.
Мишел Борба е учител, образователен консултант и детски педагог от 40 години и никога не е била толкова разтревожена. В книгата си „Успяващите деца“ тя се опитва да даде една по-различна рецепта за успеха и процъфтяването. Един подход, фокусиран не върху оценките и очакванията, а върху конкретни силни страни от характера, всяка от които може да бъде възпитана. Тези черти – самоувереност, емпатия, самоконтрол, нравственост, постоянство, любознателност и оптимизъм, са характерни за всяка завършена и успешна личност. Д-р Борба дава конкретни съвети към родители и учители за това как да възпитават тези черти, как да стимулират правилния начин на мислене у децата, така че те едновременно да бъдат щастливи с това, което са, и да искат още, да се стремят към развитие, без да се депресират заради нереалистични очаквания.
Дали оценките и тестовете наистина са най-добрият белег за бъдещ успех в живота? Авторът на книгата „Успяващите деца“ Мишел Борба твърди, че не е така. Тя е педагог, който изследва поведението на децата от десетилетия, и това, което наблюдава в САЩ и в други западни страни напоследък, я е накарало да обяви тревога. Децата ни са в опасност. Нивата на депресия, тревожност, усещане за празнота и прегаряне се повишават все повече. Новото поколение расте в среда и на фона на очаквания, които са много по-различни от тези за всяко друго поколение преди него.
Мишел Борба е учител, образователен консултант и детски педагог от 40 години и никога не е била толкова разтревожена. В книгата си „Успяващите деца“ тя се опитва да даде една по-различна рецепта за успеха и процъфтяването. Един подход, фокусиран не върху оценките и очакванията, а върху конкретни силни страни от характера, всяка от които може да бъде възпитана. Тези черти – самоувереност, емпатия, самоконтрол, нравственост, постоянство, любознателност и оптимизъм, са характерни за всяка завършена и успешна личност. Д-р Борба дава конкретни съвети към родители и учители за това как да възпитават тези черти, как да стимулират правилния начин на мислене у децата, така че те едновременно да бъдат щастливи с това, което са, и да искат още, да се стремят към развитие, без да се депресират заради нереалистични очаквания.
360 pages, малък формат, меки корици
Published January 1, 2021
602 people are currently reading
3477 people want to read
About the author
Michele Borba
42 books67 followersDr. Michele Borba is an educational psychologist and an author.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 159 reviews
March 12, 2021
This is not a bad book but it's much more of an academic exercise with a good dose of self-promotion than a useful book for parents. Having had two kids in the IB system I felt that a lot of this was just stating what is already known--that's fine for an academic book where you are compiling all the latest theories but I found very little original work except for the author's suggested reading for kids (broken down by age groups) at the end of each chapter. That said, this is a thoroughly researched and sourced book (the footnotes and index are 40% of the total length).
August 14, 2021
If you read Michele Borba’s "Unselfie," you know what you’re getting in "Thrivers": a book organized around desirable traits—this time, self-confidence, self-control, integrity, curiosity, perseverance, and optimism in addition to empathy—packed with practical suggestions on how to inculcate them in your kids. A characteristic passage reads:
"When kids are missing character strengths ... their development is incomplete. They … turn out like beautifully wrapped packages but are missing the gifts inside. It is not too late to fill in the missing pieces in our kids’ development, but it requires switching our myopic obsession with scores, grades, and big fat résumés to a farsighted view of what they will need to lead meaningful lives."
"Thrivers" mostly covers ground well-trodden by others: our kids need more autonomy, more play, more comfort with failure, less tech, and less micromanaging. It’s also wordy with prose that isn’t gripping enough to stand up to interruptions (reading when the kids are around) or exhaustion (reading after they’re asleep). I thought Borba stepped over the line in a few places, from ringing an alarm bell to catastrophizing around modern kids’ mental health, and from promoting optimism to toxic positivity. Last gripe: The book seems to be written largely about and for “high performers in affluent communities.”
Still — and this is a big "still" — the information contained in "Thrivers" is so important and useful that it’s worth resolving to power through a chapter a day. Take, for example, Phyllis Fagell’s “maybe” trick for fighting negative attribution bias: “Maybe Kelle forgot to put me on her invite list.” “Maybe my teacher didn’t realize I was raising my hand.”
Maybe I read "Thrivers" too close on the heels of "Unselfie." Maybe I would have had more glowing things to say had I not been overwhelmed with other obligations. Maybe to you it won't feel like taking a medicine you know is needed but don't love the taste of.
"When kids are missing character strengths ... their development is incomplete. They … turn out like beautifully wrapped packages but are missing the gifts inside. It is not too late to fill in the missing pieces in our kids’ development, but it requires switching our myopic obsession with scores, grades, and big fat résumés to a farsighted view of what they will need to lead meaningful lives."
"Thrivers" mostly covers ground well-trodden by others: our kids need more autonomy, more play, more comfort with failure, less tech, and less micromanaging. It’s also wordy with prose that isn’t gripping enough to stand up to interruptions (reading when the kids are around) or exhaustion (reading after they’re asleep). I thought Borba stepped over the line in a few places, from ringing an alarm bell to catastrophizing around modern kids’ mental health, and from promoting optimism to toxic positivity. Last gripe: The book seems to be written largely about and for “high performers in affluent communities.”
Still — and this is a big "still" — the information contained in "Thrivers" is so important and useful that it’s worth resolving to power through a chapter a day. Take, for example, Phyllis Fagell’s “maybe” trick for fighting negative attribution bias: “Maybe Kelle forgot to put me on her invite list.” “Maybe my teacher didn’t realize I was raising my hand.”
Maybe I read "Thrivers" too close on the heels of "Unselfie." Maybe I would have had more glowing things to say had I not been overwhelmed with other obligations. Maybe to you it won't feel like taking a medicine you know is needed but don't love the taste of.
August 13, 2025
Thrivers was recommended as a good book for kids just starting middle school. Like any parenting or self help book, well there’s no guarantee that you will get it right, but this seems to have a good hook.
Todays kids are anxious, burned out and in trouble. I won’t argue that it would be nice to figure out that problem. This book focuses on the characteristics that will help kids succeed. I can’t argue with that idea. That said, books like this seem to go light on content to make for a better “book club discussion “style read.
Admittedly, I blame society for a lot of these problems and though this book certainly doesn’t touch on this at all, I find it at least somewhat pertinent. We don’t have much in the way of the social safety net, so no wonder the stress is on the kids to get in the best school to get the best job. College isn’t affordable. Jobs aren’t easily available. Yeah, it is going to cause stress.
Similarly, I agree that kids thrive when they have had a chance to struggle and learn in failure. But look at America. Where’s the innovation? Outside of start ups, companies seem to be stuck on the mode of doing things the way they always have been done.
This book gives you the antidote but seems fairly light on the recipe- often pointing to other sources for the answer. I also have to admit that I doubt the book will stick with me. I will remember the problems but not the solutions.
I do think the idea of kids unplugging and “being a kid” is helpful to their development. I think it’s something I did as a parent better than most, but maybe the book could help with the real societal pressures.
We do need to give our kids confidence, teach them empathy and not stifle creativity; but do it in a way that does not overwhelm them. It’s a conundrum. That said, I don’t think these are new problems. They were the same problem for Millennials and Gen Xers and probably for time eternal.
Though I don’t think Borba quite goes into “the problem with young people today is…” territory, I always hate that parents and grandparents go down that road when it is basically categorizing a group that is not homogeneous and has plenty of strong attributes. At the same time, there is a bit of “things are worse now than ever before” when challenges always exist
Overall, I don’t mean to bury this book which does seem to have the right answer for successful kids. That said, it is a better book club type tome, as opposed to a solitary reader experience where it just doesn’t have a strong impact.
I also think it suffers in trying to be a book for every child. Borba would have done better splitting it up into two or three books- maybe one for pre-K or elementary, one for middle school, and one from high school. It doesn’t help the flow when you are trying to cover young kids and also teens.
That said, there are a lot of good ideas presented here and I think focusing on life skills over test scores is a good plan for success. The ideas presented in summary at the end of the book are sound advice. Parenting isn’t easy and it is no guarantee that even following these to a T will work, but I think there are actions here that will help children succeed.
Todays kids are anxious, burned out and in trouble. I won’t argue that it would be nice to figure out that problem. This book focuses on the characteristics that will help kids succeed. I can’t argue with that idea. That said, books like this seem to go light on content to make for a better “book club discussion “style read.
Admittedly, I blame society for a lot of these problems and though this book certainly doesn’t touch on this at all, I find it at least somewhat pertinent. We don’t have much in the way of the social safety net, so no wonder the stress is on the kids to get in the best school to get the best job. College isn’t affordable. Jobs aren’t easily available. Yeah, it is going to cause stress.
Similarly, I agree that kids thrive when they have had a chance to struggle and learn in failure. But look at America. Where’s the innovation? Outside of start ups, companies seem to be stuck on the mode of doing things the way they always have been done.
This book gives you the antidote but seems fairly light on the recipe- often pointing to other sources for the answer. I also have to admit that I doubt the book will stick with me. I will remember the problems but not the solutions.
I do think the idea of kids unplugging and “being a kid” is helpful to their development. I think it’s something I did as a parent better than most, but maybe the book could help with the real societal pressures.
We do need to give our kids confidence, teach them empathy and not stifle creativity; but do it in a way that does not overwhelm them. It’s a conundrum. That said, I don’t think these are new problems. They were the same problem for Millennials and Gen Xers and probably for time eternal.
Though I don’t think Borba quite goes into “the problem with young people today is…” territory, I always hate that parents and grandparents go down that road when it is basically categorizing a group that is not homogeneous and has plenty of strong attributes. At the same time, there is a bit of “things are worse now than ever before” when challenges always exist
Overall, I don’t mean to bury this book which does seem to have the right answer for successful kids. That said, it is a better book club type tome, as opposed to a solitary reader experience where it just doesn’t have a strong impact.
I also think it suffers in trying to be a book for every child. Borba would have done better splitting it up into two or three books- maybe one for pre-K or elementary, one for middle school, and one from high school. It doesn’t help the flow when you are trying to cover young kids and also teens.
That said, there are a lot of good ideas presented here and I think focusing on life skills over test scores is a good plan for success. The ideas presented in summary at the end of the book are sound advice. Parenting isn’t easy and it is no guarantee that even following these to a T will work, but I think there are actions here that will help children succeed.
November 6, 2022
The content is great but I have to admit I was underwhelmed—I expected new ideas but it mostly had well-organized, but familiar ideas, citing authors whose work I’m already familiar with—Susan Cain, Arthur Brooks, Carol Dweck, Angela Duckworth, BJ Fogg, Mihaly Csikszentmihayli…
I did like the practical application stories as well as age-appropriate book suggestions to further study a topic with children. She also offers a summary pdf on her website, which sounds helpful.
I will add, three cheers to my parents who I feel really did a great job following the ideas in this book and adjusting when they saw a need to change their approach.
I did like the practical application stories as well as age-appropriate book suggestions to further study a topic with children. She also offers a summary pdf on her website, which sounds helpful.
I will add, three cheers to my parents who I feel really did a great job following the ideas in this book and adjusting when they saw a need to change their approach.
September 30, 2021
На крак от редакцията:
Д-р Мишел Борба — учител, консултант в сферата на образованието, автор на над 20 книги и родител — признава, че в своята 40-годишна практика никога не е била толкова разтревожена, колкото сега. “Децата ни са в беда” е първото изречение в тази книга и това изречение не е алармистко, защото е факт.
Факт е, че децата ни сега имат много повече от това, което сме имали ние (без значение в коя част на цивилизования свят живеем), но защо тогава са по-стресирани, по-отпаднали, по-тревожни, по-склонни към депресия? Какво се случва? Как се стигна до тук? Но по-важното — как да се справим с товa като родители, как да помогнем… И главното достойнство на тази книга е, че Мишел Борба очертава най-важното, което е нужно за едно дете да успява в този безпрецедентно конкурентен свят — трябва да се работи с характера на детето. Още Хераклит, както и различни древни философски школи настояват за това, но днес, повече от всякога характерът ще отличава едно дете от друго. Не просто знания, умения, оценки и тестове, а силните черти на характера на едно дете ще предопределят съдбата му в дългосрочен план. И тези силни черти могат да бъдат подсилвани и стимулирани и развивани. Може и трябва да бъде търсен правилният подход. Мишел Борба предлага реални, изпитани в нейната практика “техники”, базирани на многобройни изследвания, сравнява и анализира подходите към децата в САЩ (където живее) и Финландия (където е работила 3 години) и дестилира своя дългогодишен опит в една стройна и кохерентна книга, очертаваща черти на характера, които:
А) Подхранват сърцето;
Б) Развиват ума;
В) Възпитават волята.
Седем добродетели, на които авторката набляга са:
Самоувереност.
Емпатия.
Самоконтрол.
Нравственост.
Постоянство.
Любознателност.
Оптимизъм.
Успяващите хора умеят да управляват импулсите си, могат да мислят трезво, техният солиден морален кодекс им помага в дългосрочен план, но едновременно с него, те умеят да мислят нестандартно, могат да довършват това, което са започнали, не се нуждат от награди и въпреки временните си неуспехи, те пазят надеждата жива, за тях “ние” е по-важно от “аз” и т.н.и т.н…
В тази полезна книга д-р Борба предлага практични, напълно изпълними съвети за развитие на тези добродетели в децата от предучилищна възраст до края на гимназията, показвайки как да се справят с днешния ден, за да имат един по-добър утрешен.
Подчертавам прагматичния аспект на тази книга.
Вчера, например аз изпробвах две техники с 5 годишната си дъшеря.
Работят.
Препоръчвам.
п.с. Пропускам да отбележа специалното внимание, което е отделено на съвременните дигитални устройства и тяхното влияние върху детската тревожност, гняв, непостоянство и т.н... Децата ни, наистина са в беда, но има начини да им помогнем.
Превод: Стоянка Сербезова-Леви
Художник на корицата: Фиделия Косева
В редакцията на Димитър Николов
Д-р Мишел Борба — учител, консултант в сферата на образованието, автор на над 20 книги и родител — признава, че в своята 40-годишна практика никога не е била толкова разтревожена, колкото сега. “Децата ни са в беда” е първото изречение в тази книга и това изречение не е алармистко, защото е факт.
Факт е, че децата ни сега имат много повече от това, което сме имали ние (без значение в коя част на цивилизования свят живеем), но защо тогава са по-стресирани, по-отпаднали, по-тревожни, по-склонни към депресия? Какво се случва? Как се стигна до тук? Но по-важното — как да се справим с товa като родители, как да помогнем… И главното достойнство на тази книга е, че Мишел Борба очертава най-важното, което е нужно за едно дете да успява в този безпрецедентно конкурентен свят — трябва да се работи с характера на детето. Още Хераклит, както и различни древни философски школи настояват за това, но днес, повече от всякога характерът ще отличава едно дете от друго. Не просто знания, умения, оценки и тестове, а силните черти на характера на едно дете ще предопределят съдбата му в дългосрочен план. И тези силни черти могат да бъдат подсилвани и стимулирани и развивани. Може и трябва да бъде търсен правилният подход. Мишел Борба предлага реални, изпитани в нейната практика “техники”, базирани на многобройни изследвания, сравнява и анализира подходите към децата в САЩ (където живее) и Финландия (където е работила 3 години) и дестилира своя дългогодишен опит в една стройна и кохерентна книга, очертаваща черти на характера, които:
А) Подхранват сърцето;
Б) Развиват ума;
В) Възпитават волята.
Седем добродетели, на които авторката набляга са:
Самоувереност.
Емпатия.
Самоконтрол.
Нравственост.
Постоянство.
Любознателност.
Оптимизъм.
Успяващите хора умеят да управляват импулсите си, могат да мислят трезво, техният солиден морален кодекс им помага в дългосрочен план, но едновременно с него, те умеят да мислят нестандартно, могат да довършват това, което са започнали, не се нуждат от награди и въпреки временните си неуспехи, те пазят надеждата жива, за тях “ние” е по-важно от “аз” и т.н.и т.н…
В тази полезна книга д-р Борба предлага практични, напълно изпълними съвети за развитие на тези добродетели в децата от предучилищна възраст до края на гимназията, показвайки как да се справят с днешния ден, за да имат един по-добър утрешен.
Подчертавам прагматичния аспект на тази книга.
Вчера, например аз изпробвах две техники с 5 годишната си дъшеря.
Работят.
Препоръчвам.
п.с. Пропускам да отбележа специалното внимание, което е отделено на съвременните дигитални устройства и тяхното влияние върху детската тревожност, гняв, непостоянство и т.н... Децата ни, наистина са в беда, но има начини да им помогнем.
Превод: Стоянка Сербезова-Леви
Художник на корицата: Фиделия Косева
В редакцията на Димитър Николов
July 7, 2021
I won a copy of this book through Goodreads Giveaways and am voluntarily leaving a review.
This was a solid “meh” for me. Though the advice is relatively sound, it’s contradictory in places. In the section on curiosity she says rewards don’t work, but then in the next section she suggests rewards to help kids learn to persevere. Ma’am…come on. But more than that, the advice isn’t super helpful in the context of our current school system. I can’t help my kid take less standardized tests or worry about grades less if that’s what the school is pushing; I can encourage an attitude shift in my home, but if school where my child spends most of their time is pushing a certain grades-equal-success narrative and making kids compete instead of collaborate, how much impact will that have? Also, a lot of this advice is super ableist. Some people can’t make eye contact, some people can’t exhibit fantastic self-control, and there is no room in this narrative for those folks. And finally, though she spends a lot of time laying out how parents need to let our kids fail and helicopter less, and give them less structure, she ends every chapter with these super structured, helicoptery list of suggested ways to teach these skills that seems contradictory. All in all, this feels like a cash grab praying on the anxious parents she tells us not to be in the last chapter. I think a lot of these facts are available in better, different formats.
This was a solid “meh” for me. Though the advice is relatively sound, it’s contradictory in places. In the section on curiosity she says rewards don’t work, but then in the next section she suggests rewards to help kids learn to persevere. Ma’am…come on. But more than that, the advice isn’t super helpful in the context of our current school system. I can’t help my kid take less standardized tests or worry about grades less if that’s what the school is pushing; I can encourage an attitude shift in my home, but if school where my child spends most of their time is pushing a certain grades-equal-success narrative and making kids compete instead of collaborate, how much impact will that have? Also, a lot of this advice is super ableist. Some people can’t make eye contact, some people can’t exhibit fantastic self-control, and there is no room in this narrative for those folks. And finally, though she spends a lot of time laying out how parents need to let our kids fail and helicopter less, and give them less structure, she ends every chapter with these super structured, helicoptery list of suggested ways to teach these skills that seems contradictory. All in all, this feels like a cash grab praying on the anxious parents she tells us not to be in the last chapter. I think a lot of these facts are available in better, different formats.
February 6, 2022
Great idea, but poorly written
I love the idea behind the book. And even the underlying message. I agree that kids are under too much pressure. We all are. But the book just seems very fake to me. I can’t see any child saying most of the things that are quoted. I’ve never seen a child with a metal hook for a hand. I can’t imagine that is allowed in school! I couldn’t even finish the book because too many things were just too outlandish. I’m sorry. The premise is good and the message needs to get out there. But it should be done in an authentic way. There’s no reason to make things up just to write a book! :(
I love the idea behind the book. And even the underlying message. I agree that kids are under too much pressure. We all are. But the book just seems very fake to me. I can’t see any child saying most of the things that are quoted. I’ve never seen a child with a metal hook for a hand. I can’t imagine that is allowed in school! I couldn’t even finish the book because too many things were just too outlandish. I’m sorry. The premise is good and the message needs to get out there. But it should be done in an authentic way. There’s no reason to make things up just to write a book! :(
August 10, 2022
Read this in a day and found it necessary and valuable. The thinking and insights are timely and relevant and applicable. If you are a parent of kids living at home - up to age 20 ish - there's something in here for you to consider and DO. Just DO. Kids need our help and many are not getting what they need - most of which costs no money, but merely takes time, effort, energy, focus, and a reality check. Mind, heart and emotional health are often missed - for success, academics, status, sports, prestige, future wins and opportunities. None of which matters if the kid is not here (on earth) and healthy.
January 27, 2023
This is my new favorite parenting book. It addresses seven strengths of happy, fulfilled, successful people: self-confidence, empathy, self-control, integrity, curiosity, perseverance, and optimism.
The chapter on each strength includes practical activities for teaching these traits, broken down by age. I took serious notes and want to reread this often. It was just so motivating!
Love this one!
The chapter on each strength includes practical activities for teaching these traits, broken down by age. I took serious notes and want to reread this often. It was just so motivating!
Love this one!
October 3, 2021
Dr. Michele Borba has been giving clear, research-backed guidance to parents and educators for decades through her books, speaking, and TV appearances on the Today show, Dr. Phil, and more. Her latest book - THRIVERS: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Other Shine, is perhaps her most important book yet - and the timing couldn't be better. Dr. Borba has researched seven specific character traits that parents and educators can focus on teaching kids to help them be resilient "thrivers" in a time when many children and adolescents are NOT thriving. The book is divided into three parts (Nurturing Heart, Developing Mind, and Cultivating Will) and each section has two or three specific character traits outlined in detail. Not only does Dr. Borba shares stories and research backing the importance of teaching kids the trait, but she also provides specific age-by-age ideas about how to instill each trait. This book needs to be on every parent and educator's bookshelf and can be read one chapter at a time (if you want to focus on one trait) or all at once. With youth mental health and suicide rates rising, we all need to stop and reflect on what's most important to teach our kids. And it's not math or grammar or athletic skills. Instead, it's the specific character traits that will help kids excel in all areas. Pick up Thrivers and learn how to teach kids self-confidence, empathy, self-control, integrity, curiosity, perseverance, and optimism -- all traits that are teachable and lead to a thriving life.
May 4, 2021
I love this book! Every teacher, parent, grandparent, aunt, and uncle would benefit themselves and the children and young adults they know by reading, understanding and practicing the concepts Borba presents. If nothing else, the reader will certainly benefit from the introspection so artfully nudged by Borba. I borrowed this book from my public library but certainly will purchase a personal copy for myself.
October 28, 2021
Great information and probably very helpful
however
Her method of storytelling is super distracting
The way she inserts what are clearly her own words but quotes them as coming from actual children.
Kids just don't talk that way. Even if that is what they are feeling, they typically are not able to articulate to that degree. It is so clearly her words trying to bring home the point and it comes across very cheesy in the audio book version and makes her feel much less credible.
however
Her method of storytelling is super distracting
The way she inserts what are clearly her own words but quotes them as coming from actual children.
Kids just don't talk that way. Even if that is what they are feeling, they typically are not able to articulate to that degree. It is so clearly her words trying to bring home the point and it comes across very cheesy in the audio book version and makes her feel much less credible.
March 17, 2023
"Everywhere I go, parents and educators tell me that their kids are burning out. "
The author makes a compelling case for this book. Kids are stressed out everywhere and it's not just in Singapore! Carefree days of playing in sandboxes, cloud gazing and other forms of unstructured play, have been replaced by tutoring sessions and flashcards. I guess there is always a struggle between wanting to let your child have fun and ensuring they are sufficiently equipped for school (and/or life??). With each year, the bar seems to be set higher, with more difficult topics being introduced at younger ages, and perhaps due to parents' enthusiasm.
I read about the concept of Forest Schools in Copenhagen, where children under the age of 5 or 7 are not exposed to any academics. Instead, they are taught problem solving. Which seems pretty good, and important. Yet, it is not something you can do outside of CPH unless you plan to homeschool your kid for a long while.
As with all self help books (including parenting self help books), I feel that they are good to know but not necessarily easy to model/enact.
IN any case, the author promotes character building in 7 specific traits, to develop strivers instead of thrivers. These are the 7 traits:
Self-confidence + Perseverance
Curiosity + Self Control
Integrity+ Empathy + Optimism
My primary school used to have Character First sessions at morning assemblies. With increasing stress (according to me, haha), I wonder if schools will move towards a stronger emphasis on character building. :)
The author makes a compelling case for this book. Kids are stressed out everywhere and it's not just in Singapore! Carefree days of playing in sandboxes, cloud gazing and other forms of unstructured play, have been replaced by tutoring sessions and flashcards. I guess there is always a struggle between wanting to let your child have fun and ensuring they are sufficiently equipped for school (and/or life??). With each year, the bar seems to be set higher, with more difficult topics being introduced at younger ages, and perhaps due to parents' enthusiasm.
I read about the concept of Forest Schools in Copenhagen, where children under the age of 5 or 7 are not exposed to any academics. Instead, they are taught problem solving. Which seems pretty good, and important. Yet, it is not something you can do outside of CPH unless you plan to homeschool your kid for a long while.
As with all self help books (including parenting self help books), I feel that they are good to know but not necessarily easy to model/enact.
IN any case, the author promotes character building in 7 specific traits, to develop strivers instead of thrivers. These are the 7 traits:
Self-confidence + Perseverance
Curiosity + Self Control
Integrity+ Empathy + Optimism
My primary school used to have Character First sessions at morning assemblies. With increasing stress (according to me, haha), I wonder if schools will move towards a stronger emphasis on character building. :)
January 14, 2023
Audiobook.
I really liked this one a lot. It was organized well and covered a lot of great topics when it comes to raising kids. It is terrifying how many kids are struggling with anxiety and other mental health issues and how much the education system - and parenting expectations - are feeding into the growth of that. I found a lot of the information, and some practical tips, to be really interesting and helpful. Mostly it's not new information - it can all be found in other parenting books and academic research - but it was organized and discussed in such a way that I found really well done. I definitely found myself thinking multiple times "I wish I wasn't listening to this and had it in book form so I could underline this, or write this down, or ruminate on this more" But alas, I listen to books while commuting (driving) so when a good point comes up in a book I don't have a chance to take note of it. This might be one of those parenting books I put on my kindle so I can return to it multiple times.
I really liked this one a lot. It was organized well and covered a lot of great topics when it comes to raising kids. It is terrifying how many kids are struggling with anxiety and other mental health issues and how much the education system - and parenting expectations - are feeding into the growth of that. I found a lot of the information, and some practical tips, to be really interesting and helpful. Mostly it's not new information - it can all be found in other parenting books and academic research - but it was organized and discussed in such a way that I found really well done. I definitely found myself thinking multiple times "I wish I wasn't listening to this and had it in book form so I could underline this, or write this down, or ruminate on this more" But alas, I listen to books while commuting (driving) so when a good point comes up in a book I don't have a chance to take note of it. This might be one of those parenting books I put on my kindle so I can return to it multiple times.
January 2, 2023
This book was extremely overwhelming at first because it has so many amazing things to say and because I was reading it on three levels: as a person, as a parent of young kids, and as a teacher of teens. But then I realized I could read it as an overview and then dive deeply into each chapter/character trait when I wanted to.
I completely agree with her assessment of "strivers" and how stressed out high schoolers are. I loved her research and her anecdotes. And most of all, I loved the practical suggestions for cultivating the character traits, including her emphasis on fiction (!!) to teach them.
I completely agree with her assessment of "strivers" and how stressed out high schoolers are. I loved her research and her anecdotes. And most of all, I loved the practical suggestions for cultivating the character traits, including her emphasis on fiction (!!) to teach them.
December 28, 2021
I am not a parent nor do I have any interest in kids, but I found this pretty interesting.
I am a millennial (1994) and my generation was pushed to succeed and strive to be our best, but Gen Z is pushed even harder. It's important to measure success not only by achievements, but by a child's happiness. It all means nothing if the kid is miserable.
I am a millennial (1994) and my generation was pushed to succeed and strive to be our best, but Gen Z is pushed even harder. It's important to measure success not only by achievements, but by a child's happiness. It all means nothing if the kid is miserable.
October 14, 2022
Every parent and educator could benefit from reading this book! The premise is that we are trying to help our kids have character traits that will help them thrive, not just survive. So many good principles and examples! I honestly wish she had a class for each chapter for parent and for the kids too! I would pay for it!
кой-знае
October 8, 2024Не са ми по вкуса книгите с истории, в които се налага да чета по диагоналната и да сканирам за тук-там полезното за мен. Педпочитам наръчници и практически съвети, които са вече изведени и готови за приложение, ако ще и книгата да е 30 страници.
October 23, 2025
This was great! And as with other parenting books, I hope that the lessons will stick with me. I love how it lists traits and encourages parents to lean into them with their kids. Kiddo quite enjoyed talking through the lists and sharing where she sees her talents 🙂
March 26, 2021
Amazing book! Such practical and easy to apply advice, and so very timely. This should be required reading for everyone who has kids or works with kids.
December 3, 2021
The core values and lessons were solid, but some of the framing was overly dramatic.
June 6, 2023
Oh so many acronyms, but I appreciated her perspective on how to support kids in developing character strengths.
January 26, 2024
I appreciated all of the book recommendations the author provides! I do see the issues she discusses— increased anxiety and depression— in college students today and of course want to help turn that tide for my own kids, so I’m glad she’s writing about it.
November 4, 2024
Solid read! Good information but did get a little dry towards the end. In a nutshell….Parents: Don’t be so obsessed with accolades & achievements!! Teach your kids good character qualities.
February 13, 2025
This is a book all parents and teachers AND school administration should read, reflect on, and keep handy for reminders!
March 11, 2025
Every parent, mentor, teacher, and church youth leader should read this to help shift our obsessed focus on a child’s performance to their development! Boris is backed by decades of research and experience, her presentation is precise and applicable.
May 6, 2022
This will be my go to parenting book recommendation from now on.
December 29, 2024
I really enjoyed this book by Michele Borba. Even though it’s not from a Christian perspective I still took away so much from the seven character strengths that she describes - Confidence, Empathy, Self-Control, Integrity, Curiosity, Perseverance, and Optimism. The stories, the quotes, the research were all very fascinating to me to understand how our children thrive more with these character strengths than with academic success alone. It gave me a lot of ideas to use in my own home with my daughters.
March 1, 2023
This one really spoke to me. I loved the concept of examining these seven traits and the actionable ways to instill these traits in our kids. I wouldn’t say that I agreed with everything in this book but what I do agree with is that we as society are not helping kids succeed by focusing on what we define as successful. Lots of good topic starters and food for thought.
March 24, 2021
As an educator, I couldn't agree with the author more! We must stop putting unrealistic expectations on our children, and the pressure that they must be perfect at everything! Our kids are stressed out and depressed more than ever before! Let's be real-- I didn't go to Stanford, I went to a state university in the Midwest, graduated, got a Master's degree, and consider myself fairly successful. I want the same for my kids, I want them to grow up to be productive members of society- to be good humans! Do people really ask you where you went to school past an interview? What was your GPA? NO! Your personal skills and performance will determine your success! The sooner we teach our kids to be confident, optimistic, empathetic, to persevere, and have integrity, the better off they will be!
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