Judge Dee and the Poisoner of Montmartre

Judge Dee #3

by Lavie Tidhar

Judge Dee returns to solve a new case involving a Parisian party gone wrong. But this time? Everyone in attendance is a suspect, including the judge himself.

Genres: Fantasy, Short Stories, Vampires, Mystery, Horror, Fiction, Historical Fiction

32 pages, ebook

First published September 15, 2021

About the author

Lavie Tidhar was raised on a kibbutz in Israel. He has travelled extensively since he was a teenager, living in South Africa, the UK, Laos, and the small island nation of Vanuatu.

Tidhar began publishing with a poetry collection in Hebrew in 1998, but soon moved to fiction, becoming a prolific author of short stories early in the 21st century.

Temporal Spiders, Spatial Webs won the 2003 Clarke-Bradbury competition, sponsored by the European Space Agency, while The Night Train (2010) was a Sturgeon Award finalist.

Linked story collection HebrewPunk (2007) contains stories of Jewish pulp fantasy.

He co-wrote dark fantasy novel The Tel Aviv Dossier (2009) with Nir Yaniv. The Bookman Histories series, combining literary and historical characters with steampunk elements, includes The Bookman (2010), Camera Obscura (2011), and The Great Game (2012).

Standalone novel Osama (2011) combines pulp adventure with a sophisticated look at the impact of terrorism. It won the 2012 World Fantasy Award, and was a finalist for the Campbell Memorial Award, British Science Fiction Award, and a Kitschie.

His latest novels are Martian Sands and The Violent Century.

Much of Tidhar’s best work is done at novella length, including An Occupation of Angels (2005), Cloud Permutations (2010), British Fantasy Award winner Gorel and the Pot-Bellied God (2011), and Jesus & the Eightfold Path (2011).

Tidhar advocates bringing international SF to a wider audience, and has edited The Apex Book of World SF (2009) and The Apex Book of World SF 2 (2012).

He is also editor-in-chief of the World SF Blog , and in 2011 was a finalist for a World Fantasy Award for his work there.

He also edited A Dick and Jane Primer for Adults (2008); wrote Michael Marshall Smith: The Annotated Bibliography (2004); wrote weird picture book Going to The Moon (2012, with artist Paul McCaffery); and scripted one-shot comic Adolf Hitler’s I Dream of Ants! (2012, with artist Neil Struthers).

Tidhar lives with his wife in London.

Reviews

[karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

There was an awkward silence.

It was the sort of awkward silence that always happens at a dinner party when one of the guests bursts open and explodes into a puddle of stinking goo.

i am always thrilled when a new judge dee story shows up on the free tor short page, and not only for those amazing red nose studio "covers."

this is the third adventure of the undead arbiter of vampire crime and his hungry hungry human helper jonathan, after Judge Dee and the Limits of the Law and Judge Dee and the Three Deaths of Count Werdenfels, and it's another excellent romp; a bloodsucking homage to an agatha christie-style drawing room mystery, in which a poisoning occurs at a dinner party where, instead of circulating on little round trays, the cocktails are served straight outta the veins of folks weaving through the vampiric partygoers. it sounds like a very efficient process with no pesky glassware to wash afterwards, but when one of the serving vessels/human beings is poisoned, causing several bloody imbibers to, well, explode, the resulting mess is...significant.

vampires have the luxury of playing a very long game, nursing centuries-long grudges where revenge can be served as cold as a corpse, and all the guests have motives and means, even our beloved judge dee.

WHODUNNIT?



read it for yourself here:

https://www.tor.com/2021/09/15/judge-...

come to my blog!

[Zain · Rating 4 out of 5]

And That Is That.

Judge Dee and Jonathan are traveling in France. Paris to be exact.

The judge and Jonathan go to a dinner party. And one of the guest, an unlikable vampire is murdered and everyone is a suspect. Including the judge.

Jonathan just may have to help to solve this one.

[✘✘ Sarah ✘✘ (former Nefarious Breeder of Murderous Crustaceans) · Rating 4 out of 5]

📚 Free short story from Tor 📚

“Joy was a sticking point with the judge. Jonathan was fairly certain the judge didn’t approve of joy.”

Such a cheerful chap Judge Dee indeed is! He brings so much glee and exuberance wherever he goes, no wonder he gets invited to so many parties, as is the case in this short story. Here we have him and his faithful reluctant flunky assistant Jonathan merrily frolicking away with the Parisian jet set and boy shrimp, do they have a grand time of it!

‘Judge Dee! Come! Let me introduce you! And you brought your...person! Noemi, will you take the person? We don’t want someone mistaking him for the food.’

What’s more fun than a dinner party with puny humans on the menu, I ask you? Nothing, methinks. Well I'm not sure Jonathan agrees with me on that one but he tends to be contrary like that.

‘He looks so delicious,’ she said, ‘like a fat little blood sausage.’

Then again maybe Jonathan is slightly concerned about being considered a juicy appetizer. Yes, that might possibly explain his lack of enthusiasm here. Maybe.

Anyhoo and stuff, so here are Judge Dee and Jonathan partying the night away alongside chummy Spanish inquisitors and aristocratic vampires who have the good taste to only feed on the nobility—see Jonathan, I told you there was nothing for you to worry about here. You're naught but a lowly member of the plebe and the, um, lovely people attending this party would rather die of anemia rather than snack on you—when all of a sudden...

There was an awkward silence.
It was the sort of awkward silence that always happens at a dinner party when one of the guests bursts open and explodes into a puddle of stinking goo.

I personally find this sort of unexpected event pretty entertaining but it kind of ruined the atmosphere of the party here. I wonder why. Anyway, some of the guests at the party go goo and Judge Dee very logically sets out to investigate, locked-room whodunnit style. And what happens after that, you ask? Well spoiler spoiler spoiler, obviously. You're welcome! 😬😬

➽ And the moral of this Gloriously Crappy Review is: Ever-Ravenous, Eternally Exhausted Jonathan steals the show here. As per usual.

➽ And the other moral of this Gloriously Crappy Review is: Lesbian vamps FTW!

Now Let's dance and stuff.



· Story 1: Judge Dee and the Limits of the Law ★★★★
· Story 2: Judge Dee and the Three Deaths of Count Werdenfels ★★★
· Story 4: Seven Vampires ★★★★
· Story 5: Judge Dee and the Mystery of the Missing Manuscript ★★★★★
· Story 6: The Locked Coffin ★★★★
· Story 7: Judge Dee and the Executioner of Epinal ★★★★



[Pre-review nonsense]

And so the adventures of Judge Dee the ever-gloomy positively joyful vampire and his slightly gluttonous minion ever-frugal person Jonathan continue! Yay and stuff!



➽ Super Extra Short Review to come and stuff.

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Life wasn’t easy; sooner or later everyone became somebody’s dinner."

A fairly amusing locked room murder mystery, featuring a colorful cast of vampires. As always, Jonathan, the judge's perennially hungry and tired assistant, steals the spotlight.

[Fiona Knight · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘You know him, then?’

‘I ran into him on a previous case, long ago.’

‘All vampires are murderers, though, master.’

‘He took joy in it, Jonathan.’

Joy was a sticking point with the judge. Jonathan was fairly certain the judge didn’t approve of joy.

I need to go read the rest of this series - this mystery hooked me. Because on the one hand, it's a great version of the classic "detective investigates a murder at a gathering, paces in the parlour while laying out suspicions", and on the other hand, they're all vampires, and the detective is a travelling vampire judge who goes from place to place adjudicating vampire disputes.

It's a little bit comedy, a little bit horror, short, and free at Tor. What's not to love?

https://www.tor.com/2021/09/15/judge-...

[Prabhjot Kaur · Rating 4 out of 5]

And you, Judge Dee, were denied the one thing you crave—justice.

‘All vampires are murderers, though, master.’
‘He took joy in it, Jonathan.’
Joy was a sticking point with the judge. Jonathan was fairly certain the judge didn’t approve of joy.

Judge Dee and Jonathan are back and this time they are in Paris. Judge Dee decides to stay in Paris a little longer than was necessary and he enjoys street plays. Jonathan doesn't understand this as the Judge always moves on after solving a case but he enjoys his time in Paris anyway as there's a lot of food to eat and Jonathan can't get enough cheese especially Gruyère.

‘A bit of culture would do you good, Jonathan,’ the judge said, and he donned his cape.

He knew when vampires were about to start killing each other, and it was always best to stay away, ideally behind something heavy.

When Judge Dee gets invited to a dinner party by the local resident, Lady Aurore, he and Jonathan accept the invitation and Jonathan goes out with flair after all he wants to catch Lady Aurore's human helper's attention. But things take a turn when four vampires explode at the party and there's more than one suspect and the suspects' list includes Judge Dee.

‘What odd notions you have sometimes, Jonathan,’ he said.

‘This is my business. I assist Judge Dee,’ Jonathan said. Which wasn’t, he had to admit, strictly true. He never really knew just why the judge kept him around.

But Judge Dee stared her down, with those cold, deep eyes that had seen every sort of evil the world had to show.

A murder mystery that includes vampires. What's not to love? Also, I look forward to Judge Dee and Jonathan's travels with great enthusiasm. I do have to say that I unlocked the mystery and motive straight away but I found it entertaining nevertheless. I obviously can't wait for the next adventure in the series.

4 stars

[York · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like these little Judge Dee stories...this one didn't seem as good as the first two, but it may have been just the "atmosphere" of the others I preferred. It's about a 3.5 🌟 star short story. I do hope he keeps writing these...

[S. ≽^•⩊•^≼ I'm not here yet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Life wasn't easy; sooner or later everyone became somebody's dinner.

[Corrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Life wasn’t easy; sooner or later everyone became somebody’s dinner.

Judge Dee returns to solve a new case involving a Parisian party gone wrong. But this time? Everyone in attendance is a suspect, including the judge himself.

Judge Dee and the Poisoner of Montmartre by author Lavie Tidhar is the third short story in the Judge Dee series you can read for free on the Tor.com site https://www.tor.com/2021/09/15/judge-...

Paris offers more than decent food options for mostly miserable Jonathan, if his vampire master Judge Dee doesn’t haul him off to a play. There they run into Inquisitor Zaragoza, a vampire with a bloodthirsty past – and one of Judge Dee’s ongoing cases - who seems to be playing fast and loose with the Unalienable Obligations. Maybe he gets a chance on Lady Aurore’s costume party.

I knew I liked Lady Aurore for a reason!

Themes: vampires, Paris France, a sudden fondness for the theater, fart jokes, Lady Aurore throws a party, Sang Noir, her loyal maidservant Noemi, who killed Zaragoza?

4 Stars

[Badseedgirl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition.

[Amy (Other Amy) · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘Be welcome in my house!’ The Lady Aurore beamed. ‘Enter of your own free will! And so on and so forth! Judge Dee! Come! Let me introduce you! And you brought your . . . person! Noemi, will you take the person? We don’t want someone mistaking him for the food.’

And now perhaps some Dupin with our Holmes? A delight.

Free from Tor: https://www.tor.com/2021/09/15/judge-...

12/01/22: Yiwu
12/02/22: With Her Eyes
12/05/22: Red as Blood and White as Bone
12/05/22: Cold Fires
12/05/22: Judge Dee and the Limits of the Law
12/08/22: Judge Dee and the Three Deaths of Count Werdenfels
12/08/22: Judge Dee and the Poisoner of Montmartre (Catch up)

[Kieran McAndrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

A vampire who lived as a Spanish Inquisitor eats dinner at a party and falls victim to poisoning. Each of the vampires at the event, including Judge Dee, had a clear motive for killing him. So who did the deed?

I first read Tidhar's longer works and was impressed with his scope and vision. His work as a short story writer is nothing short of astounding. He packs plot and detail into the text and it is clear who the murderer is from the outset if you can follow the clues.

[Lena · Rating 5 out of 5]

On a busy frustrating day I snuck every chance I could to read a few pages - I smiled every time.

“So long as not too many bloodless corpses were found in the morning and people took care to clean up after themselves, things were generally fine.”

Vampires have few laws.

But when a vampire is murdered it’s up to Judge Dee and Jonathan to solve the case!

Read it for yourself: https://www.tor.com/2021/09/15/judge-...

[Orla · Rating 4 out of 5]

i liked this! super short but really fun to read
if twilight was an agatha christie murder mystery

[Benny Blanco · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another great who done it and a satisfying ending to this trilogy.

[Elena Linville-Abdo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a delightful short story, like all the other in the Judge Dee cycle. I liked the fact that Johnathan is taking a more active role in this story than in the previous two. His interactions with Judge Dee are the highlight of the story.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Judge Dee solves another murder mystery with the help of his sidekick, Jonathan. This time our mystery takes us to a vampire party in Paris, where everyone has a motive to kill Mr. Body the victim, and the search for the murderer is more a curiosity than a hunger for legal justice.

[Sandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the third book in the Judge Dee series, a series about a vampire judge and his loyal human companion, Jonathan. I enjoyed the previous two books in the series, Judge Dee and the Limits of the Law and Judge Dee and the Three Deaths of Count Werdenfels , so I thought that I'd give this one a try as well.

In this book, Judge Dee and Jonathan must solve the murder of Inquisitor Zaragoza from the Sang Noir, a vampire who escaped the judgment of Judge Dee in the past. Now, what is the Sang Noir, you might ask? Poison. Sang Noir means "black blood" in English, which is exactly what the inquisitor throws up after feeding upon a meal young man at Lady Aurore's party.

While the first two books took place in rural locations, this book takes place in Paris. Unlike the previous two books, Judge Dee was not called to Paris. As such, we get to see a lot more of what the judge and Jonathan do when they are not busy working on a case. Judge Dee enjoys the theatre and going to parties, both of which Jonathan dreads. Who knew vampire judges were so well rounded?

Overall, a fun, quick read that is just perfect for fall!

As an aside, it's clear that the vampire court system is similar to that of a civil law system, as the judge takes on more of an inquisitive role that judges in common law systems would not take.

[Kam Yung Soh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another of the author's vampire Judge Dee and his human assistant mystery stories, this one has the pair in Paris, when the Judge encounters an old adversary he has been after for crimes against other vampires (humans too, but they don't count to Judge Dee).

But when they, the adversary and other vampires gather for a party, something horrible happens to the adversary, and Judge Dee must now determine the course of events and pass judgement.

If you paid close attention to the story, you may have figured out who is the suspect and the motive.

[Mangrii · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5 / 5

Tercera entrega del juez Dee y su acompañante Jonathan que nos llevan hasta París y una fiesta que no sale bien. Mientras todos están cenando y compartiendo copas de sangre, uno de los vampiros y sus tres secuaces mueren envenenados. Varios son los sospechosos, incluso el propio juez Dee.

Un nuevo whodonit que resolver, quizá mucho más obvio que los anteriores, pero que resulta otro curioso entretenimiento y homenaje al misterio de salón propio de Agatha Christie.

Inquisición española, parisinos que se creen superiores y por supuesto, muchos vampiros.

[Rick · Rating 4 out of 5]

For me, this has been the strongest of the Judge Dee stories. I have always enjoyed the premise and characters, but have felt like the mysteries were overly convoluted. The Poisoner of Montmartre does not fall into that same trap. The multiple possibilities feel organic and plausible. It makes for a fun read.

[William · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love all the little homages, like the Murder on the Orient Express reference, or the running joke that references Monty Python and the Holy Grail. And poor, put-upon Johnathan… He’s quite the character! :)

[Frank Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's gradually getting more and more fun to spend a bit of time with Judge Dee and Jonathon.

[April Thompson Freeman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read it here: https://www.tor.com/2021/09/15/judge-...

[Merlot58 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This series is a lot of fun!

[Phil On The Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoy these tales. Fun and frivolous, full of every vampire trope. Most enjoyable.

[Asaria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd love to read a full fledged novel about Judge Dee and Jonathan. They're so entertaining!

[S.A Reidman · Rating 3 out of 5]

 🍷positively delicious like a glass of rich red ... sherry and cheese. Okay full disclaimer it was too easy to figure out the whodunnit of it all as soon as the murder took place in such an elaborate manner. But, folks there's a dinner party in Old Paris and Jonathan nibbles on Gruyere - actually there's a whole lot of food here, sausages, roast chicken, humans,  excess and more excess.

*Daydreamy sigh* Paris was the Vampire top-tier tourist destination.

I digress. Put this on the screens you streaming bloodsuckers ( looking at you Netflix, kinda looking at you Apple TV and definitely looking at you HBO ... and You Amazon don't act Like we can't see you). I'd watch a procedural where the Judge Vampire does this: 

‘I wanted a look at your ring,’ Judge Dee said. He reached down and coolly broke the vampire’s finger. Lord James screamed. Judge Dee removed the ring and examined it.

One gripe - Lord James comes across as Italian rather than Spanish, the words he uses : "absurdo, bastardo" ... is he a Hilaria Baldwin twice over? Pretending to be British and Pretending to be Spaniah but is Definitely Italian?

[Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Overall, it was better than lying under a pile of corpses."

One of my favorite lines from this story, which proved to be another enjoyable adventure with Jonathan and Judge Dee. This time solving a bit of a "locked room" type of mystery in which even the Judge himself is a suspect.

As with all of the Judge Dee books so far, they are fast, easy reads - enjoyable if not terribly deep. I did enjoy the mystery in this one, however it was pretty simple to figure out fairly early on.

I find myself thinking about these short Judge Dee books and wishing, only for a moment, that they were longer or that there was more to this world as I really enjoy Tidhar's writing and the somewhat playful tone of these stories. Then I realize that I'm happy these remain only as short, stand-alone stories, because were they drawn out in longer form they would lose all of their charm.

January has left me with a bit of a book hangover and Judge Dee is a wonderful way to enjoy a quick story while deciding what I'm in the mood for next.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Judge Dee had found Jonathan buried under a pile of corpses outside his village in England. The judge had saved Jonathan’s life. Ever since then Jonathan had accompanied the judge on his travels. Overall, it was better than lying under a pile of corpses.

At least, most of the time.

They made their way along the left bank. Students jostled them as they passed, priests and monks from the nearby monasteries, ladies of the court and flower sellers and beggars and pickpockets and cutthroats, jugglers and singers and ladies of the night. Paris was surprisingly egalitarian. It didn’t matter who you were, as long as you carried yourself with a certain amount of flair.

No wonder it attracted vampires.