Forgiveness: An Exploration

by Marina Cantacuzino

Using real stories, expert opinion, politics, psychology and the author’s own insights, Forgiveness explores the messy, complex and gripping subject of forgiveness. 'Cantacuzino's gift for empathy shines through her conversations... She tackles her complex [message] with clear prose and an open heart... This nuance feels like a cool breeze in a heatwave. If there is a message here, it's to listen more, think more and preach less'Sunday Times  ‘This is an utterly memorable book – beautifully written, fascinating in its insights, and extraordinarily moving. We all need to forgive, and this book, through its recounting of the stories of people who have something really significant to forgive, will be an inspiration to help us reach a state of forgiveness. This is a book that will stay with the reader for a very long time’Alexander McCall SmithI forgive you.   Three simple words behind which sits a gritty, complex concept that is so often relevant to our ordinary, everyday lives. These words can be used to absolve a meaningless squabble, or said to someone who has caused you great harm. They can liberate you from guilt, or consciously place blame on your shoulders. Marina Cantacuzino seeks to investigate, unpick and debate the limits and possibilities of forgiveness, exploring the subject from every angle – presenting it as an offering, never a prescription. Through real stories, expert opinion and the author’s experiences, the reader gets to better understand what forgiveness is and what it most definitely isn’t, how it can be an important element in breaking the cycle of suffering, and ultimately how it might help transform fractured relationships and mend broken hearts.Forgiveness is a blueprint for how to live a more harmonious, richer life.  'Tender, valuable, and often beautiful, Forgiveness shows how we can get tabled up in hate, and how we might cut ourselves free' Gavin Francis 

Genres: Nonfiction, Philosophy

295 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 4, 2022

Reviews

[Harriet · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was particularly interesting to me from the forensic psychology and Christian perspectives, but really it’s for anyone. It really is an interesting exploration of forgiveness - what it is, what it isn’t, what it means for different people. The chapters are thematic and I did find it lacked cohesion at times with so many stories included and referred back to that it was difficult to follow. Very thought-provoking though. Looking forward to reading The Forgiveness Project which focusses more on one story at a time. Thanks to my mum for lending me a copy!

[Simone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Game-changer!

Hard to read at times but such important wisdom in these pages. Should be more widely known text for sure!

[Hilary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been interested in this topic for a long time but having read this book I realised that I hadn’t at all appreciated the complexities involved.
Well researched, thoughtful & compassionate - highly recommended.

[Elise M · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a passionate and interesting read, and no doubt full of wisdom I ought to be applying to my own life. But as a feminist this book leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I was waiting the entire book for Cantacuzino to apply any kind of feminist analysis to her topic, but sadly it never came. What did come was story after story after story of men enacting harm on women, on children, on other men. This book is like a microcosm of the world, in that the vast majority of violence in this book is by men. There's a lot of talk of gang violence, racial violence, religious violence, violence caused by drugs or poverty or generational trauma or political conflict...never once connecting the common thread. There is no multiple causes of violence. There is one cause, and that is the poison of patriarchy.

Individual stories of forgiveness inspire hope, that is true. But we are not just individuals, and it makes me very uneasy to think of this global burden of forgiveness which is being overwhelmingly placed on the shoulders of women. Why do women need to do this? Is this really the best response to one half of the population causing most of our suffering? Not sure. Sad that the author never even thought to ask the question.

[Alenka of Bohemia · Rating 5 out of 5]

What can be forgiven? What cannot? What should and should never be forgiven? This book does not have the answers, but it does offer an abundance of stories that wreck your heart and leave you sometimes amazed, sometimes humbled but at times perhaps a bit angry. I think the author has managed to make a great case for why forgiveness is difficult but can be extremely powerful, without pushing her stance onto her reader. She merely explains and offers examples, as well as understanding. It definitely makes you think about what possibly you personally would be able or even inclined to forgive. Some solid food for thought.

[Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

The content of the book is very thought-provoking and provides a wide variety of examples and evidence of the power of forgiveness. It explores the fact forgiveness has multiple meanings and isn’t just one thing that applies in the same way to every person or situation.

The only thing I didn’t like was there were so many examples that seemed to have been shoved in to the book in what felt like a haphazard way. I found it a Little disjointed in that way, but the content was sufficient alone to give it five stars. A book I will definitely continue to dip in to

[Joshua Jones · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think that Cantacuzino has developed a deep understanding of forgiveness and grief from interviewing many people who have been victims of horrific events, which I was hoping to share in by reading this book. Unfortunately, I found the text difficult to follow because of the many short, interwoven anecdotes. These could perhaps be better summarised and synthesised into overarching themes and learning points for each chapter that could be applied to myself or others I’m helping. The final chapter provided a model for forgiveness that I think was potentially useful, but again I’m left unsure how to use this to help to resolve grief and move towards forgiveness.

Others might benefit from reading the wide variety of forgiveness stories to know that there is no one-size-fits-all way of conceptualising or experiencing the dilemma of forgiveness. People will each handle grief and the question of forgiveness in their own way.

[filipa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd recommend this book to everyone. Much like the Forgiveness Project, this book is a collection of stories of forgiveness especially in extreme situations. I liked that the author doesn't try to force you into any perspective and instead just showcases other stories which led to extensive moments of reflection. I will be thinking about this book a lot (like I have for the past month and a half that took for me to read it) and it has sparked interesting conversations when I tell people the book I am reading, and end up reading them a few quotes I saved of the book.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent read. The author grapples courageously and successfully with the controversial and multi-faceted issue of forgiveness. She never seeks to impose a personal narrative on this complex subject, but reflects wisely on the mainly heartrending stories of others. Compassionate and Illuminating.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've been reading this on and off for a few months. The stories were good but I felt there was no clear structure or theme to each chapter, it was just the author trying to get all the stories out. The last chapter was probably the best and clearest part of the book - I wish it came first.

[Thomas Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great discussion on forgiveness, with a lot of nuance and consideration of varying perspectives. Maybe the very brief summaries of lots of different stories, used along the way for illustration, were lacking in the sort of detail that might illuminate things further.

[Jude Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gives a holistic and interestingly critical interrogation of forgiveness, suffering, compassion, and trauma through which I readjusted my position on what it means to forgive and heal. Full of examples and anecdotes big and small that help foster a sense of relationality and humanity.

[Sophia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was really useful to me but it was also very long and a bit meandering. I wish the chapters were a bit more focused, especially at the end.

[Maria Longley · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Forgiveness is an exasperating, slippery subject for the simple reason that it means so many different things to different people: no one can quite agree on the meaning of this skill, gift, attribute, practice, state of mind - or however you chose to categorise forgiveness."

Marina Cantacuzina started collecting forgiveness stories in 2003 as a personal journalistic project. It eventually grew through The F Word exhibition into The Forgiveness Project charity to take the work further. Starting from the point of enquiry the stories collected and offered share a glimpse of the messy world of forgiveness and healing and empathy. It's a hard word, and not one that everyone finds meaningful or helpful, but the conversations around it are deep.

There are many, many stories here illuminating different aspects and many difficulties. There's no one answer and Canacuzina tries her best to emphasise that there can be no one answer. Instead there are different options, and often ones that we don't hear about very often. I deliberately chose to start reading this after I had finished a revenge drama on Netflix that was enthralling and compelling and reacting to some horrific ills, and also showed some of the thrills and sorrow and hurt of revenge. Obviously I was already interested in the Forgiveness Project and curious about it since I had the book, but there was also a part of me reacting to the other story I had just witnessed. The whatifs and wonderings...

"Stories are the secret reservoir of values: change the stories individuals and nations live by and tell themselves, and you change the individuals and nations." - Ben Okri