Redefining Anxiety: What It Is, What It Isn't, and How to Get Your Life Back

by John Delony

Anxiety is real—but it isn’t the end of your story. Dr. John Delony knows what anxiety feels like. He’s walked that dark road himself, but he found light and hope on the other side of it. Bringing together his own journey and two decades of counseling and research, he walks you John will show you that most of what you’ve heard about anxiety is wrong. Things While mental health is complex, our culture has made anxiety into something it’s not. For the majority of people who face anxiety, the truth is simpler than we anxiety is an alarm . It’s a signal—nothing more and nothing less. Anxiety is simply our body’s way of telling us something is wrong. If we stop and listen, we can calm the alarm and move forward into healing and hope.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Psychology, Mental Health, Health, Personal Development

Audio CD

First published January 1, 2020

About the author

Dr. John Delony is a national bestselling author, mental health and wellness expert, and host of The Dr. John Delony Show. He holds two PhDs—one in counselor education and supervision, and another in higher education administration. Before joining Ramsey Solutions, John spent two decades working as a senior leader, researcher, and professor at multiple universities. He also spent years working in crisis and emergency response. Now, as a Ramsey Personality, he teaches people how to reclaim their lives from the madness of the modern world.

John and his family reside in Franklin, Tennessee.

Reviews

[Hannah Gies · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing, helpful, loaded with truth and hope. I wish everyone in the whole world could read this book. Having struggled personally with anxiety and panic attacks, this book handles well an issue so many people face. A solid year of professional counseling and intentional personal work was essentially summed up for me in this book. A must read!

[Katie LaCombe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Redefining Anxiety is the first book on anxiety I’ve found helpful. It's short (like 60 pages short) and most importantly, direct. You won't find your typical self-help fluff that's often used to make a word count. Dr. Delony breaks down the core of one’s anxiety all while giving you practical tools to combat it.

[Matt Lillywhite · Rating 4 out of 5]

Redefining Anxiety is the first book I've ever read by John Delony. Although it's very short, it's highly impactful, and worth every second of your time.

To be clear, it's not your typical self-help book. Instead, it's filled with practical tools to help you understand (and most importantly combat) anxiety

4 stars.

[Jonn · Rating 2 out of 5]

While this “quick read” book starts off pretty good and gave me some hope to my questions, having a minor in psychology, anxiety disorder stemming from PTSD, etc- there was hope in the beginning. Unfortunately as you get to the ending, and maybe it’s because it’s designed as a quick read to be finished in couple hours, but the work part seemed rushed, and it all the same things I have heard, learned, and been told before. The author starts out making it sound as though his journey was different and it brought him to something different (either forgotten in the past, or new Epiphany)—

But then he just spouts off the same old that most other behavioral cognitive therapists have to say, and he rushes through it.🙄

Sorry, been there; done that😖

[Lori Lambert · Rating 1 out of 5]

I feel like this would be helpful for people who deal with situational anxiety. People suffer different types of anxiety and his approach is not helpful for all types. I never like when medicine is talked down upon. It is okay if you need to take medicine and it is not a short term solution for everyone. Some people wake up at 3:30 am with a panic attack for no reason and it has nothing to do with their “eco system”. Anxiety isn’t one size fits all like this book makes it look.

[Jennifer Brothers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a quick easy read with practical, realistic advice and ways to reduce anxiety and get your life back. Everyone could benefit from this book. If you don’t think you have anxiety or are anxious about your life? Think again. We all have stress. This book will teach you how to manage it before it manages you.

[Megan A. Pennington · Rating 3 out of 5]

Limited help

I feel like this covers... an anxious period in your life. I have lived with the effects of anxiety since I was a child and I can't just "fix" everything. Which is what this book seems to imply. A good strategy for certain situations, yes. Help for me... no.

[Amanda Tero · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, but wow. For a small book, this packs in a lot to think about. I don’t particularly struggle with anxiety on a deep level, but I know many who do, so I was primarily curious.

I absolutely love the balance that Delony presents. Also, I will admit that I also like how he deals with the stigma (even medical) of mental health and how rampant it is on social media. There is such an imbalance presented everywhere, that it is really nice to read a book where all aspects are taken into consideration: ecosystem, health, relationships, etc. A lot of this actually coupled well with some things that my doctors have mentioned with my health issues.

The book ends with several very practical steps to take, which I believe is good for anyone who is in the middle of anxious thoughts. They just have to grab onto one of those steps and then try the next one and go forward from there.

It is definitely a book I recommend both for those dealing with severe anxiety and also for someone who has a loved one dealing with anxiety.

[Jordan · Rating 2 out of 5]

While Dr. Doleny has some good points I do not appreciate the way he puts his faith into play in the book. He pretty much makes it out to be that faith helps so much and while it could for some it is not for all. Also, he does not consider his privilege as an upper class cisgender white man. He makes it seem like changing your ecosystem can happen so easily for all but does not consider that for others with different identities it is not as easy. He makes statements about how we are all the same, but does not seem to understand how different identities and experience truly make up how the person can handle and face challenges. He does not acknowledge how resources and privilege play a role at all.

[Stacy Myers · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great short little read about how to look realistically at anxiety. It definitely made me want to read his full length book.
I love his message of learning to deal with anxiety as part of not only mental health but your actual body’s health. They are intertwined.

[Kayla Fletcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely short read—an hour on audio. Honestly, it was one of the most helpful books on anxiety I have ever read. The author spoke from his own experience, spoke to issues common to those who struggle with anxiety, and offered a lot of hope. He gave great insight into what causes anxiety, encouraged readers in how to better understand what it looks like, and gave tangible solutions. Loved it. It’s definitely one I will listen to again!

[Natalee Heineman · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short but direct read. It helped me realize that I was letting my anxiety dictate my life far too long, and gave me hope to work through the messes and move forward.

[Stephanie Yartz · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you struggle from anxiety like me and millions of other people, stop what you are doing and read this. I listened to it as an audiobook on two walks as it is a shorter read. Get a copy.

[Logan Krueger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent quick read. Very educational and practical. I have changes to make in my life!

[Stacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful, quick read from Ramsey Solutions’ resident therapist.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mom bought my siblings and me this book for Christmas. Not sure what that says about us.

I've experienced anxiety for years. From the small (anxious thoughts) to the mid-range (that skin crawling, trapped in a small box feeling) to the full blown (on my hands and knees in my kitchen shaking and sweating and telling the guy who came to hang out with me that he needs to leave "right now").

While I was prepared for this to be hokey as all get out, it was actually a short read that was practical and cut right to the chase (thank goodness because I don't have the attention span for 400 pages of this).

Things like:

Take care of yourself. Get sleep. Exercise. Eat right. Breathe. If you are going to counter that these don't improve your quality of life, you're a knob (my words, not the author's). Examine the "ecosystem" of your life and choose the ecosystem that helps you live YOUR best life. Where and what can you adjust to Control what you can control. Confront hurts that are hanging you up. Genetics play a role in anxiety but they don't 100% define you.

But is a person with a certain genetic tendency toward anxiety destined to live a life of anxiety and chaos? Absolutely not. As Brené Brown clarifies, "Genetics loads the gun and the environment pulls the trigger."

Meds are addressed. Although I have taken anxiety medication on and off (often seasonally) over the last decade, I liked that he acknowledged that they can be helpful in certain situations but they are not THE (long-term) solution.

Perhaps my favorite part:
The hard, but freeing, truth about life is that we can--and must--make choices. We need to do the hard work of deciding what we actually want and what trades we are willing to make to get there. We must understand that life comes with priorities. And we must be willing to let go of the idea that we can have it all. Making peace with these decisions will not be easy, but it will help silence the anxiety alarms.

A lot of good advice that may seem like "no brainer" advice, but sometimes that is the exact advice that anxiety doesn't let you see clearly when you're going through it.

4 Stars
(Thanks, Mom!)

[Bailey V. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read! The author's situations are very relatable, and I really appreciated his advice on overcoming anxiety with practicing gratitude. This is something I've incorporated into my morning routine for months, and I find that it really helps. The author provided lots of encouraging words and other advice in overcoming anxious thoughts and the physical side effects of anxiety. This is the perfect read for anyone looking for validation and help in overcoming stress and anxiety.

[Baroness · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was in the hospital battling covid, pneumonia and breathing with the help of an oxygen tank. I developed slight anxiety and although I know how to treat it, I was curious to see if perhaps there was something new on how to treat anxiety.
Nothing I already didn’t know or practiced but it’s comforting to know I’m doing everything right to treat my anxiety and I’m not alone. Everyone experiences anxiety sometime in their lives.

[Kelly Giggy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book! Simple, straightforward ways to identify what you’re feeling and, as it says, “get your life back.” It’s a quick read - about an hour. Invest an hour to live the life you’re meant to live. At the very least, you owe it to yourself and I honestly think the world would be a better place if we all read it.

[Anne Laborde · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read it. I have had to work through some of these things already and have started on others, but to have them reiterated and outlined is wonderful. I plan on continuing to work on these habits and build new ones.

[Megan Parker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the no-BS approach of this book. Dr. John Delony is an absolute GEM—I love listening to his podcast. This book was realistic and pointed out simple steps you can take to combat anxiety.

[Keren R. Mccullough · Rating 4 out of 5]

for under thinkers, over thinkers, anxiety prone, and not. This book was so helpful to me and I look forward to reading more by this author.


1. “What is your body telling you? What thoughts are running through your head? Ignoring the alarms, numbing them by mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, or trying to drown them out with that third beer or that thirteenth episode of your favorite show will only depress the problems and make them worse down the road.”
— A reminder that avoiding or numbing anxiety doesn’t make it go away; it often allows it to grow. 
2. “Is a person with a certain genetic tendency toward anxiety destined to live a life of anxiety and chaos? Absolutely not.” 
— Genetics may create predispositions, but they do not seal one’s fate. Change is possible.
3. “Genetics loads the gun and the environment pulls the trigger.” 
— Emphasizes how circumstances, habits, relationships, and reactions matter just as much as biology.
4. “You don’t have to let surviving an abusive childhood, a traumatic event, a jerk boss in a thankless job, or three kids and a passive-aggressive spouse sentence you to a lifetime of ringing anxiety alarms.” 
— One’s past or the stressors in current life don’t have to define one’s future or internal experience.
5. “People are not machines to be fixed, computers to be rewired, or puzzles to be solved.” 
— Human beings are complex; healing isn’t about fixing so much as learning, adapting, and integrating.
6. “You are more than your past trauma and your deepest hurt. You are more than your mistakes and your failures.” 
— A powerful assertion of identity beyond pain and regret.
7. “Anxiety isn’t something you are—it’s something you move through and experience.” 
— Anxiety is described as a process, not a permanent identity.
8. “You cannot control everything, and some storms will rage on for a while until they’ve run their course.” 
— Accepting that some pain or difficulty takes time, and that’s OK.
9. “Anxiety is your body and your brain’s way of trying to get your attention to let you know you are alone or not safe.” 
— Viewing anxiety as a signal rather than an enemy can help reframe how to respond.
10. “You are worth being well and you are worth a full night of sleep.” 
— A simple but essential reminder that basic needs (rest, health) are part of healing and not indulgent.

[Brenna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh. I was grateful to see such a short book on the topic, which is why I picked it up. I think my feelings are what they are because I don’t find any of it relatable anymore. I was curious what he had to share on it and all I really took away that I cared about was the need for community, which I also believe in and strive for.
I used to feel stuck in that place as well, but I’ve recently learned how we as a society call a lot of things anxiety that simply aren’t. We are allowed to feel nervous about something or get scared to do something maybe we’ve never done before or simply don’t enjoy. It doesn’t mean we have anxiety. It just means we’re nervous about whatever it may be.
I did appreciate his thoughts on medicine not being the end all be all, you take them for a time as you work out your junk, and then you slowly leave them so you don’t come to a place where you rely on them to live. I’ve been off my meds for over a year now and I’ve learned to just embrace the nerves that creep up every once in a while and remind myself why I’m feeling the way I am.
I’m glad he did this short one because now I know I don’t need to read his much longer one which will basically have all the same information. Glad it seems to have helped a lot of people who read it!

[Abbey Phipps · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read Redefining Anxiety for research purposes. I am on a years-long journey of digging into depression and anxiety, what they really are, and how that connects to our faith. I saw this little book (seriously, it's 62 pages) at the library and, having previously enjoyed clips of John Delony speaking, decided to give it a shot. And good news: I liked it much more than I expected I would!

This was the book I needed in college, when my anxiety was crippling. The author is clear, concise, and practical. He walks through a few myths about anxiety, and then dives into short-term and long-term solutions. They're ridiculously simple and practical, but are exactly what you need when you're in the middle of anxiety.

The most profound thought for me in this book was that anxiety is an alarm system, alerting us to a problem or a danger that our body has sensed. Early humans needed this alarm system to "remind them to stay with their tribe and avoid the lions. " So how do we solve anxiety? Find your tribe and avoid your lions. It takes work, but if nothing else, this book will encourage you that there is hope and freedom outside of anxiety.

As a side note, I appreciate how he approached the topic of taking medication for anxiety. That's a hard thing to talk about on either side of the issue, but by including his experience and a rational viewpoint, he covered it well.

[Cassandra Manheimer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. This topic hits very close to home, and I feel that I gained some interesting insight on some of my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I thought that Dr. Delony’s short and long-term lifestyle changes that can improve how you feel and react to things was extremely unique; it seemed achievable and manageable for the average person. I do not mean to nitpick, but I had very specific reasons for giving this book 4 stars instead of 5. The first reason was because of the large quotes in the book. I loved the quotes, but they were repeated in the regular text right after. I did not enjoy the quotes enough to read them twice back-to-back. The second reason was that it was mentioned multiple times that this was a ‘Quick Read.’ I felt that this was unnecessary to repeat multiple times, especially since this book is only around 60 pages long. Overall, I enjoyed the author’s commentary, stories, and advice on this topic.

[Molly Wemlinger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Self care, mental health, setting boundaries, taking a pause, practicing stoicism concepts. Most “how to deal” books are the same ingredients served a different way. That’s not to say they aren’t helpful, because for me reading something in the self-help arena from time-to-time is a million times more useful than trying to fill up on a single 500 page book once in a lifetime.

And so, with that in mind, I think this book was great. The listen is engaging because the author is engaging and animated. The book structure is approachable and I appreciated the flow of themes. I had good takeaways, they just happen to be the same type of takeaways I get reminded of with each self help book I use (and then proceed to practice briefly, then forget and find another book a few months later, and am reminded of the same things and…rinse, repeat).

[Nicole Brockwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This tiny little 60 page book packed a ton of good information inside it. One truth bomb - anxiety is not the problem. It’s the fire alarm alerting you to a problem. Whoa. Makes total sense though. There was a section with 3 steps on how to address past trauma that I found helpful. Also - major bonus points - John writes as if you’re sitting down having a cup of coffee with him. He doesn’t speak way over your head with a lot of jargon only a PhD would understand. He’s fantastic about writing on a reader’s level. One caveat was that while he recommended square breathing (something I find very helpful) he didn’t explain it all the way - not a big deal. Highly recommend.

[Katie Romine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was short and easy to read (less than 100 pages). It offered simple and realistic ways to gain control over the anxiety in our lives. I appreciated the author writing about how intertwined anxiety and grief are without knowing it. His writing is encouraging practical, challenging the readers to evaluate and work toward consistency in the habits that will serve them best. Great little book!

[Lyssa Day · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick and easy read that gave a lot of good insight into anxiety and not allowing it to control my life. There is a part of this book that states that we feel anxiety in a lot of situations because we don’t trust ourselves enough to handle difficult situations. This really put things into perspective. We spend so much time worrying about things and playing scenarios out in our heads because we are scared of the discomfort these situations might cause us. It’s important to take care of ourselves and gain that trust in ourselves so we can face all situations knowing that we can handle them and not allow anxiety to over power us.

[Jessica Blackman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall this was a helpful and interesting read. There were some things I did not agree with but I was able to highlight and underline plenty of key points to look back on later. I definitely recommend this if you do struggle with anxiety like I do.