I read my first David Sedaris book more than 20 years ago, and I was immediately in love. I still harbored dreams back then of being a writer myself, and Sedaris was who I wanted to be – snarky and cynical and so hilarious you’d guffaw out loud while reading him on an airplane (I did that more than once while reading Me Talk Pretty One Day).
Since then I haven’t missed a single Sedaris book, article, podcast appearance, interview or radio show. I follow him around like a lost puppy, hanging on both his written words and his reading of his own stuff on audio books and at live appearances. I met him once, several years ago, when he signed my copy of Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls, “To Emilie – let’s spit on Asian widows together.” I have no idea what it means but I’ve treasured it -- and the slightly inappropriate joke he told me while I was in the autograph line -- ever since.
That joke makes an appearance in his new book, Happy-Go-Lucky, and I greeted it like an old friend. Mostly because it’s one of the few things about the David Sedaris I know and love that is recognizable in this book.
For the first time, I didn’t finish a Sedaris book. I made it a little more than two-thirds of the way through it and decided I’d had enough. I don’t know what’s become of the Sedaris of old, but he has definitely left the building. All he left behind is a grumpy old man intent on tooting his own horn and airing dirty laundry – his and others’ – to the world.
Anyone who has read any of David Sedaris’ work knows all about his family – Hugh, his partner of 30+ years, along with his parents, five siblings, in-laws and teenage niece. He has always written about them with that unique combination so many of us feel for our relatives: exasperation and love in equal measures. Over the years he’s written about a thousand hilarious moments with his family, some of which he’s used to poke fun at himself, and some of which most definitely poke fun at them instead. He’s also written about his mother’s death, his sister Tiffany’s death by suicide, his difficult relationship with his father, and his family’s feelings about having all their private business out there in his books for the world to see. Through it all he writes about them with love, and it’s clear that the things he tells us about them – and about himself – are (mostly) exaggerated for effect. It’s what writers do, right?
Somewhere along the way to this book, Sedaris seems to have finally gotten thoroughly sick of his siblings and his dad. He’s dropped the façade, and even poor Hugh comes out not looking too great. Sedaris is fairly vicious when talking about his dying 95-year-old father, describing how he “never cared about anything but money” and spent his life finding new ways to make his children feel worthless. I completely understand using your art to tell your truth about a parent, I applaud his right to do that, and if that’s what kind of father he had, I’m sorry for the pain it’s caused him. It just seems an abrupt switch for someone who’s been writing about this same father with love and tolerance for decades.
We get a description of what brats Hugh’s great-nephews are. We hear about how his sisters are getting old, and it’s a shame because they used to be beautiful. We learn that Hugh is often a grumpy pain in the ass whose moodiness is so bad David feels the need to defend him to his siblings. We read about a presumably closeted teen boy he knew who was coming to terms with his sexuality, and we get way too much information about his behavior – behavior that I’m sure that kid had no idea would end up in a book. Even people marginal to the story, like the nurses in his father’s nursing home, come in for his snarky wrath. I’m accustomed to Sedaris’ way of writing, and I realize kindness has never been his strong suit. But this was over the top even for him. At one point, Hugh accuses him of wishing he (Hugh) would get COVID just so he can write about it, and while I realize it was meant to be a joke, I'm not sure it really was.
More bothersome to me than the blatant hatred for everything and everybody, though, was his insistence on pointing out that he isn’t like the rest of us. He shops at Barney’s. His grocery store is “high-end.” He owns not one but two beach houses, along with his home in England and his two apartments in Manhattan – the second purchased just because Hugh didn't like practicing the piano if David was in the apartment. He vacations in exotic places. Okay, we get it. You’re a successful writer and you spend money because you can. Talking about it non-stop just makes you sound like an elitist jerk. Yes, his readers are NPR listeners. No, we’re not all independently wealthy or even all that successful, thanks very much. We used to be able to identify with the things he wrote about. Now? Not so much.
It’s not that David Sedaris was ever much like the rest of us. I mean, who among us has served as an elf at Macy’s? But even when he was writing about something foreign to most of his readers, he had a way of making us feel like he was processing it just as we would. His humor, his cynicism and his obvious love for his people bridged any gaps of experience between him and his readers, allowing us in to his world so we could love his people too. Now he just seems annoyed with all of them and with us.
Glimmers of the old David Sedaris shine through now and then. He talks about how his happiest times are shopping with his sister, Amy, and it’s clear he adores Hugh, although it’s less clear why, based on what we see of him here. For me that was all overshadowed by the contempt that sometimes drips from his words. Also a turn-off: his descriptions of the pandemic dinner parties he held weekly (in New York, of all places, where a refrigerated truck full of bodies was parked near his apartment), and lines like this when discussing the protests surrounding George Floyd’s death: “In the early days of the protests there was looting . . . My fear was that my favorite stores would be emptied and that when the city finally opened back up again after the COVID restrictions there’d be nothing left for me to buy.” I know he’s a humorist, and I realize this was meant to get a laugh. But wow. It’s still harsh, especially coming from a white guy with money.
Several years ago, I read Sedaris’ Theft by Finding: Diaries (1977-2002). I loved every word, mostly because I felt like I was getting a behind-the-scenes look at so many of the situations and people I came to know in his later work. There was so much foreshadowing about places and people that would go on to be significant in his life and his writing, and for a true fan, it was wonderful to get a glimpse behind the curtain. This book has some of that same feel, but not in a good way.
If you have never read a David Sedaris book, I have two pieces of advice: first, listen to his books rather than reading them. He narrates his own audiobooks and they’re really great. Second, don’t start with this one. Go back to the Santaland Diaries or Me Talk Pretty One Day or Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. Get to know that David Sedaris before you come back to Happy-Go-Lucky and wonder how he got here.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for offering me a sneak peek of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.