Different after You: Rediscovering Yourself and Healing after Grief and Trauma

by Michele Neff Hernandez

A Life-Affirming Process That Provides Transformative Support

No one who lives and loves will be immune from grief and trauma. While this suffering is universal, living through a devastating event often leaves people feeling alone and even alienated. Michele Neff Hernandez experienced this when her thirty-nine-year-old husband died after being hit by a car while riding his bicycle. Her most transformative realization was that grief changes us. There is no going back or bucking up. Life is now different.

In Different after You , Michele presents easy-to-digest steps based on her work with thousands of widowed people and her innovative grief support programs. Through this process, anyone who has experienced life-altering trauma will discover a map for grieving what they’ve lost, identifying what they’ve gained, and learning to embrace the person they’ve become.

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Self Help

216 pages, Paperback

Published February 15, 2022

Reviews

[Debi Menard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Carrying this gem around with me all week felt like having my best friend in my purse, ready to hold my hand, offer a tissue, brew a cup of coffee, or just sit near as a shoulder to lean on.

Gentle to absorb while bursting with detailed and helpful encouragement and tips. Easy to navigate for times when I need to reread tips in moments they arise.

Important.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book reaches beyond platitudes and stock phrases to reach the realities of grief and grieving. The second part moves toward healing and going forward.

[Jeni Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is pretty amazing. So many of the points resonated with me. I had a health crisis in 2017 with back to back emergency surgeries. I was changed after that both emotionally and physically. I appreciate how Hernandez combines all different types of trauma, although the focus is on the loss of her husband. I appreciate how she doesn't minimize other types of trauma. Truly a helpful read if you are going through it. ❤️

[Greg · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some interesting thoughts and ideas but, for me it was too light weight, too fluffy, repetitive and written in a too new-age, pop psychology way. I just couldn't connect. A appreciate what she has done and have looked into the Soaring Spirits Center, so I got that from the book.

[Seth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a pretty good read overall, one of which I definitely was able to get some good insight on being someone who has survived three family members within the past decade, all three to different causes. The author does a fantastic job of being supportive throughout the book, never talking down to the reader in the slightest as she constantly reminds you that every journey to healing is filled with twists and turns.

The only thing that keeps me from giving it a full 5 stars is that it left me wanting a bit more - throughout the healing/rediscovery of yourself sections, Hernandez makes multiple mentions about connecting with others to learn their stories of how they overcame their hardships, and how you can overcome your own. In it, she uses her own experiences and that of her late Grandmother to illustrate her points on how survivors carry on despite the pain, and can live amazing lives, but I was left wishing there were more examples of said survivors. Granted, this is probably the writer's intention to create a non-written call to action, but I still wish there was one more example from outside her immediate family.

If I could, I'd gladly give this book a 4.5 stars. This is an excellent read to return back to when doubts begin to clear your mind, one of which I'm sure I'll return to in the future, and I'm very glad to have picked this one up.

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartfelt but common-sense book about living through grief. Goes beyond the "shock, anger, bargaining" stuff to reconfiguring your larger life. Or allowing your grief life to reconfigure YOU, because that is sort of what happens. The template here is losing a spouse, but the chapters can be applied to any loss. I translated easily to face some other losses in life I am navigating. Even though I've read MANY memoirs about grief, having someone spell out the life changes, tasks, and challenges in plan language - and beyond the first year or two - was unbelievably helpful. Not corny. Not spiritual in a conventional way. An easy read. Constructive and no-nonsense but also compassionate and open-minded.

[Coleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for anyone having experienced the trauma of losing a significant loved one and navigating the journey through grief and healing. Before reading this book I had never heard o Soaring Spirits International or Camp Widow. I so related with the authors concept of interconnectedness called integration. As soon as I read about this on page 5 of the book I was totally hooked!! Michele Neff Hernandez says it beautifully when she says, “Making meaning out of suffering doesn’t give trauma value; it gives life value. Your life.”
If you haven’t already, please take a few minutes to look up the Soaring Spirits Widowhood Resilience Scale online and complete the assessment. You will receive your results and great feedback based on your responses. A great tool!

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genuinely enjoyed this book and think anyone who has gone through a big traumatic life changing event could benefit from reading this. The transformative nature of trauma isn’t talked about enough, and the author really makes a point to highlight that and how this can be a good thing. Aligning our new selves and meeting ourselves where we are is advice we all need from time to time.

“Hoping for more is enough: more laughter, more fun, more joy, more friendships, more love, more compassion, more empathy”

[Oatgoat · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated the author's personal experience and found this book to be helpful in navigating the grief journey. For me, it wasn't a book that I read continuously. The author poses questions within the chapters that I really wanted to spend time thinking about before I continued reading. I think it is a book that I will revisit at a different point in my healing.

[Daphne Nakhid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nicely written book with lots of insight. The main focus is learning to love and cherish the “new you”. I couldn’t relate much to this but found the book to have some good thoughts on grief/ grieving.

[Linda]

On my top 5 list as I move through grief! I learned about the group Hernandez started and that she also won the CNN Hero Award. But, mainly she's all about addressing the realities of grief and the changes you experience, particularly with the loss of a spouse. Can't recommend enough.

[Jo Perrin]

Encouraging information about love, marriage, death, grief and new life, new love.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Near 4 stars. Would be better in book form rather than audiobook.