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Monsters
Audio CD
Published December 15, 2014
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November 23, 2023
“Monsters” by Lee Evans. Audiobook read by Lee Evans. It is his Live UK Tour in 2014 and he’s in Birmingham.
It starts off fast paced. Lee Evans gesticulating so much, as you’re listening you can’t see what he’s doing. But listen to the crowds laughter. I used to find this guy funny in the past. It started off okay and then by the end I wasn’t laughing. Frowning. Offensive. Not very funny. 🙄 He sounds like a character from ‘Rick & Morty’ constant shouting, screeching. Yawn.
Lee talks about kissing and sound effects, addiction, feeling lucky, superstitions, Halloween, pumpkins, potato, onion to Vampires, twilight, Dracula’s kids. Hotels, the randy couple next door, Santa, supermarket, plastic gloves, filling up petrol, driving in town centre, Speed limits, Airports,
Trains, Bus - bus drivers, sea creatures, Crabs, Squids, Octopus, land animals, Pelicans, Police officers, Horses, Pigeons, police sirens, Crime, Speeding, Sooty, Weathermen, TV, books, Reading books in bath, Technology, Dyson vacuum cleaner,
Women’s dresses that have zips on the back.. and many more topics.
Here are my highlights:
-Towels “no one has done this with it..” - cleanliness…
-Going to the supermarket in his car, walking back to his car with arms full of carrier bags, a pulls up and the bloke wants your parking spot.. “Are you going? Are you going now?”
“No I thought I’d take these heavy bags for a F***ing walk..”
-Sea life centre - fishes disappear behind to the back.
”And I know those fish are talking about me behind those rocks. F-big know they are. Coz there’s always that lonely one suspicious fish that pokes his head out from a bit of coral at the back.. ‘He’s still here. Yeah. The one with the big ears..’”
-“It must great being a rattle snake. You’re born with your own maracas..”
-“Meet another rattle snake, let’s form a band..”
Kangaroos “big hind legs there for jumping, what are those short ones for? For typing. That’s short hand.”
-Dinosaurs and climate change “..my hands are freezing, I can’t reach my pockets..”
-Aquarium- sharks “arms bands of verucca..”
“Humming away to himself - the jaws tune.. catches its reflection in the glass - AHhh theres a Shark! It’s me!”
-Do the fishes know what species they are?
“Puffer fish in there, ‘I wonder what I am? I’ve got big bulgy eyes, slimy body on a glass window all day night. F hell. I’m a petrol station attendant..’”
-Fishes thrown back into the water, what do they tell their friends? “I’ve been abducted by aliens..”
“There’s a worm!”
-“Animals are not meant to be in zoos..”
-Chimpanzees
-Lee had a dog called Elvis..
-Rescue dogs..
-Dating. “Men have a better chance meeting a women if they have a dog..”
-Books “I read a lot of books. I love books. I don’t get these smugfuckers kindles.. ‘I’ve got 5 million books right here in my hand.’
‘Yeah, with this hand I’ve got a fist.” 👊
Bought kindle for his mum, “she still licks her fingers..”
-Dyson vacuum cleaner
“Dyson sounds like that kid at school.. I bet he was the geek at school .. that’s how it started..”
It starts off fast paced. Lee Evans gesticulating so much, as you’re listening you can’t see what he’s doing. But listen to the crowds laughter. I used to find this guy funny in the past. It started off okay and then by the end I wasn’t laughing. Frowning. Offensive. Not very funny. 🙄 He sounds like a character from ‘Rick & Morty’ constant shouting, screeching. Yawn.
Lee talks about kissing and sound effects, addiction, feeling lucky, superstitions, Halloween, pumpkins, potato, onion to Vampires, twilight, Dracula’s kids. Hotels, the randy couple next door, Santa, supermarket, plastic gloves, filling up petrol, driving in town centre, Speed limits, Airports,
Trains, Bus - bus drivers, sea creatures, Crabs, Squids, Octopus, land animals, Pelicans, Police officers, Horses, Pigeons, police sirens, Crime, Speeding, Sooty, Weathermen, TV, books, Reading books in bath, Technology, Dyson vacuum cleaner,
Women’s dresses that have zips on the back.. and many more topics.
Here are my highlights:
-Towels “no one has done this with it..” - cleanliness…
-Going to the supermarket in his car, walking back to his car with arms full of carrier bags, a pulls up and the bloke wants your parking spot.. “Are you going? Are you going now?”
“No I thought I’d take these heavy bags for a F***ing walk..”
-Sea life centre - fishes disappear behind to the back.
”And I know those fish are talking about me behind those rocks. F-big know they are. Coz there’s always that lonely one suspicious fish that pokes his head out from a bit of coral at the back.. ‘He’s still here. Yeah. The one with the big ears..’”
-“It must great being a rattle snake. You’re born with your own maracas..”
-“Meet another rattle snake, let’s form a band..”
Kangaroos “big hind legs there for jumping, what are those short ones for? For typing. That’s short hand.”
-Dinosaurs and climate change “..my hands are freezing, I can’t reach my pockets..”
-Aquarium- sharks “arms bands of verucca..”
“Humming away to himself - the jaws tune.. catches its reflection in the glass - AHhh theres a Shark! It’s me!”
-Do the fishes know what species they are?
“Puffer fish in there, ‘I wonder what I am? I’ve got big bulgy eyes, slimy body on a glass window all day night. F hell. I’m a petrol station attendant..’”
-Fishes thrown back into the water, what do they tell their friends? “I’ve been abducted by aliens..”
“There’s a worm!”
-“Animals are not meant to be in zoos..”
-Chimpanzees
-Lee had a dog called Elvis..
-Rescue dogs..
-Dating. “Men have a better chance meeting a women if they have a dog..”
-Books “I read a lot of books. I love books. I don’t get these smugfuckers kindles.. ‘I’ve got 5 million books right here in my hand.’
‘Yeah, with this hand I’ve got a fist.” 👊
Bought kindle for his mum, “she still licks her fingers..”
-Dyson vacuum cleaner
“Dyson sounds like that kid at school.. I bet he was the geek at school .. that’s how it started..”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Displaying 1 of 1 review