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Where's My F*cking Latte?
The Kindle Bestselling book featured on TV's "ACCESS HOLLYWOOD" DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS... Every movie and TV star has one. So does every agent and manager. Some producers and studio execs have two or even three. I'm talking about an assistant. Someone to answer your phones, pick up your dry cleaning. Someone to hide your drugs. Your assistant knows what you eat, who you're sleeping with and what medications you're taking. They listen in on your phone calls. They are the eyes and ears of Hollywood... and occasionally they talk. Culled from dozens of interviews with former and current Hollywood assistants, Where's My F*cking Latte is a no-holds barred insider's look at what really goes on behind Tinseltown's closed doors. PRAISE FOR "WHERE'S MY F*CKING LATTE?" "I can tell you firsthand that what goes on behind-the-scenes of Hollywood's glittering facade is usually shocking, insane and full of sex offers. Where's My F*cking Latte perfectly captures the abusive and often hysterically unbelievable world of celebs and Tinseltown power-brokers and the culture of excess and entitlement they live in. Two thumbs WAY, WAY UP!" - Daniella Cracknell, Publicist to many of TV's iconic stars from Dick Clark, Howie Mandel, Geraldo Rivera, Mario Lopez to name a few...
5 pages, Audiobook
First published March 1, 2005
83 people are currently reading
254 people want to read
About the author
Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff
38 books58 followersMark Yoshimoto Nemcoff is a bestselling and award-winning author who has been known to occasionally moonlight as a voice-over artist and independent journalist. He is a former Sirius Satellite Radio drive time show and T.V. host that has been featured by Playboy Magazine and Access Hollywood. Mark currently resides in Los Angeles.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews
May 7, 2011
This wasn't a bad read, pretty fast-paced. Some of the stories about the way Hollywood big-wigs treated their assistants were hilarious (the pee in the Snapple bottle had me giggling), others were downright horrible. There were also a few stories where it was actually the assistant who was the total asshole, and one particular story had such a sad ending that it threw me for a loop to see it included in what I expected to be a humorous collection.
Overall not bad at all.
Overall not bad at all.
February 10, 2017
If you're looking for a brisk, fluffy read, this will be right up your alley. If, on the other hand, you're hoping for cover-to-cover laughs and any seriously juicy stories, take a pass. There's some really very unfunny business in this collection of woeful tales.
Nemcoff's book about life in the shoes of various assistants in La-La Land has its charms, and certainly some of the stories are amusing and feature moments of sweet revenge, but there are a few significant issues that prevent me from giving it any more than two stars.
1) If you've never worked in the industry, there'll be a lot of stuff - terminology, scenarios - that won't click for you. In places it feels a bit as though you're hearing part of someone's inside joke without ever being given context for it. That's not the author's fault; it's just a point that may take away some casual readers' enjoyment.
2) Because of the strict libel and slander laws that must threaten any book like this one, we're never given any remotely identifying features of the people about whom we're "getting the scoop." Reading blind gossip items gives much more for an imagination to work with than any one of these tales, which obviously takes some of the voyeuristic thrill out of them. If you can't hope to even guess who the hotshot newbie director/tantrum-throwing actress is, it all feels hollow and pointless, like these stories could be about anyone's humdrum workplace dramas. Again, really not Nemcoff's fault; I can't imagine the lawsuits he'd face if he had let anyone's identity be known. But there are ways, employed daily by tabloids and gossip blogs, to tantalize while still staying legal. These accounts stick to the latter without giving any of the former.
3) Rather unexpectedly, quite a few of the stories related here are really awful. I don't just mean they're spiteful or mean-spirited, though there are a few of those; I mean they're downright horrifying. Some are sort of depressing, about broken families and relapsed addicts and washed-up directors, but that much you'd probably anticipate in such a collection. What you wouldn't anticipate, though? There are multiple, startlingly unfunny accounts of pet deaths (and I'm not talking about some starlet's goldfish, either - dog lovers BEWARE), one story about a horrible sexual assault at gunpoint, and one that even provides a hotline/ phone number for police tips because one Hollywood bigwig's sister went missing after a jaunt to Tijuana, and she's never been found. These are but a few examples of how this book can swing from laugh-riot to "oh, my GOD" in the swipe of a page. Lighthearted comedy through and through, this ain't.
All in all it was an entertaining enough read, but those three points were enough to make me dock three stars, unfortunately. I'd hoped it would be all fun and frothy. I'm sure it'll suit some tastes; in too many sections it just didn't suit mine.
Nemcoff's book about life in the shoes of various assistants in La-La Land has its charms, and certainly some of the stories are amusing and feature moments of sweet revenge, but there are a few significant issues that prevent me from giving it any more than two stars.
1) If you've never worked in the industry, there'll be a lot of stuff - terminology, scenarios - that won't click for you. In places it feels a bit as though you're hearing part of someone's inside joke without ever being given context for it. That's not the author's fault; it's just a point that may take away some casual readers' enjoyment.
2) Because of the strict libel and slander laws that must threaten any book like this one, we're never given any remotely identifying features of the people about whom we're "getting the scoop." Reading blind gossip items gives much more for an imagination to work with than any one of these tales, which obviously takes some of the voyeuristic thrill out of them. If you can't hope to even guess who the hotshot newbie director/tantrum-throwing actress is, it all feels hollow and pointless, like these stories could be about anyone's humdrum workplace dramas. Again, really not Nemcoff's fault; I can't imagine the lawsuits he'd face if he had let anyone's identity be known. But there are ways, employed daily by tabloids and gossip blogs, to tantalize while still staying legal. These accounts stick to the latter without giving any of the former.
3) Rather unexpectedly, quite a few of the stories related here are really awful. I don't just mean they're spiteful or mean-spirited, though there are a few of those; I mean they're downright horrifying. Some are sort of depressing, about broken families and relapsed addicts and washed-up directors, but that much you'd probably anticipate in such a collection. What you wouldn't anticipate, though? There are multiple, startlingly unfunny accounts of pet deaths (and I'm not talking about some starlet's goldfish, either - dog lovers BEWARE), one story about a horrible sexual assault at gunpoint, and one that even provides a hotline/ phone number for police tips because one Hollywood bigwig's sister went missing after a jaunt to Tijuana, and she's never been found. These are but a few examples of how this book can swing from laugh-riot to "oh, my GOD" in the swipe of a page. Lighthearted comedy through and through, this ain't.
All in all it was an entertaining enough read, but those three points were enough to make me dock three stars, unfortunately. I'd hoped it would be all fun and frothy. I'm sure it'll suit some tastes; in too many sections it just didn't suit mine.
February 17, 2015
The reason I gave this book only one star is because it is poorly written and does not let you know whether the gender of the person is male or female telling each story. It makes for a confusing mess and it's a frustrating read. We live in a society where men and women can hold similar positions and the author (and I use the term loosely) totally forgets that and you don't know the gender for entire chapters. A woman turns out to be a man, and a man a woman. And it's because he's sloppy and does not introduce each chapter with the assistant's title. We don't need names. I understand it's written to protect identity, but there is nothing to indicate that this isn't just fiction oozing from the fingers of a person who wanted to make a quick buck. And he is riding on the coat tails of one single review from TV. if this book wasn't free, I'd never have gotten it. There are better books out there on this topic, by real people who have a knowledge of how books are written and are not afraid of the truth.
November 19, 2015
Something about hearing all the sick, twisted, sado-masochistic behavior of people--especially rich and famous people--brings out the tsk-tsk-ing lascivious nature in most of us.
To begin with, no names are used. While that makes for a good mystery in discretion, it is also taken to far: as a reader, I was confused about a lot of the tales. The author, who is male, never discloses that these are the tales of many different people's experiences as assistants to various Hollywood players. It wasn't until about the fourth story, where the narrator speaks of having breasts and a bra (which I still assumed belonged to the male "author") that I questioned who I was getting my story from. I wish each tale had a given year/period and name of the assistant, even if it is a pseodonym. Knowing who we are engaging with, even if general (i.e. 24-yo assistant Joe Coffee or 32-yo assistant Mary Gopher) would help place these stories in a bit of context and clear up some confusion.
The writing itself is pretty good. The stories vary from humorous to sickening to just plain dark, confirming for me, once again, that L.A. is a great place to visit and nowhere I would ever want to live or work.
To begin with, no names are used. While that makes for a good mystery in discretion, it is also taken to far: as a reader, I was confused about a lot of the tales. The author, who is male, never discloses that these are the tales of many different people's experiences as assistants to various Hollywood players. It wasn't until about the fourth story, where the narrator speaks of having breasts and a bra (which I still assumed belonged to the male "author") that I questioned who I was getting my story from. I wish each tale had a given year/period and name of the assistant, even if it is a pseodonym. Knowing who we are engaging with, even if general (i.e. 24-yo assistant Joe Coffee or 32-yo assistant Mary Gopher) would help place these stories in a bit of context and clear up some confusion.
The writing itself is pretty good. The stories vary from humorous to sickening to just plain dark, confirming for me, once again, that L.A. is a great place to visit and nowhere I would ever want to live or work.
October 25, 2011
Yikes total bait and switch here. The book started light and fun, but then turned really dark (but without really changing the tone or writing style) and then turned boring. I'd recommend skipping this. And now I know why it's $3 on kindle.
July 29, 2016
Worst thing I've ever read. Kept going in the hopes it would improve. It didn't.
I didn't finish it exactly but the fact it counts in my reading challenge for the year is literally the only way I can make this an even vaguely positive experience!
I didn't finish it exactly but the fact it counts in my reading challenge for the year is literally the only way I can make this an even vaguely positive experience!
May 29, 2018
Not great
Most of the stories are pretty boring. The assistants are the "bad guy" more often than the (unnamed) stars, even though they don't always realize it. It also isn't all that well written, as others have said it can be confusing to follow with no context of who is "speaking" since every story is told by someone different. Many of the stories and abruptly when it seems like there should be more.
Most of the stories are pretty boring. The assistants are the "bad guy" more often than the (unnamed) stars, even though they don't always realize it. It also isn't all that well written, as others have said it can be confusing to follow with no context of who is "speaking" since every story is told by someone different. Many of the stories and abruptly when it seems like there should be more.
March 6, 2019
A hodge-podge of not so shocking stories about anonymous "power players" (NO ONE is identified by name) in Hollywood written by anonymous assistants. Nothing shocking - "oh my, there are rude people in L.A.??" Most of the stories are from bitter people who have every reason to embellish details, and some basic research also casts some doubt on whether some of the stories are even true.
Don't waste your money.
Don't waste your money.
October 10, 2017
NSFW view of Hollywood.
February 25, 2019
LMAF
A nice fast read with some nice chuckles. Made me think of some fools I’ve known. It’s great to be retired!
A nice fast read with some nice chuckles. Made me think of some fools I’ve known. It’s great to be retired!
June 12, 2021
3.5 stars. Entertaining stories.
December 28, 2017
I couldn't finish this one. It didn't hold my attention. I may try again.
May 7, 2014
This little book has some good (but very short) Hollywood assistant stories but the structure of the book is confusing--it apparently is about different people who were assistants but is extremely inconsistent from one story to the next. And there is one major flaw--no real names are used anywhere in the book. So you don't know what to believe and end up not really caring. One story is about a major female star--but without knowing the identity there is little investment in the story. Another story is about a sitcom producer--but without knowing the show you don't really care about the minor mistreatment that occurs. At the end of every story you kind of shrug your shoulders and go, "So what?" There needed to be specific names to make us care.
Most of the things that happen to assistants are pretty petty. This isn't a big expose of major mistreatments. There are few surprises in the book because we've all heard stories about how bad Hollywood people can be. In the end it's a quick, easy read if you need to pass time on a plane ride or the beach but it's not anywhere near as good as "You'll Never Nanny in this Town Again," which names names and has some real shocking behavior. So buy that book and skip this.
Most of the things that happen to assistants are pretty petty. This isn't a big expose of major mistreatments. There are few surprises in the book because we've all heard stories about how bad Hollywood people can be. In the end it's a quick, easy read if you need to pass time on a plane ride or the beach but it's not anywhere near as good as "You'll Never Nanny in this Town Again," which names names and has some real shocking behavior. So buy that book and skip this.
March 31, 2011
This is the second of my swaps with Karode . The tales of Hollywood assistants. Who seem to work for the most bad mannered, selfish and generally deplorable bosses on the planet
Most of the stories are amusing but some are just too awful to laugh at. The big downside is that anonymity is kept throughout. You want these bastards named. I even started to wish I believed in Karma. I could never put up with the disrespect and humiliation these assistants dealt with daily. I wouldn't want to enter an industry where such bullying is the norm. Do the 'put upon' assistants become like the people they're describing if they make it in the industry?
I think people should be judged on how they treat the people who work for them rather than their boss. None described in this book came out above vile. Are there any nice people in the industry? If so, how the hell do they survive?
This is a good quick read. It made me snort, snarl and drop my jaw. All the space of an hour or two.
Most of the stories are amusing but some are just too awful to laugh at. The big downside is that anonymity is kept throughout. You want these bastards named. I even started to wish I believed in Karma. I could never put up with the disrespect and humiliation these assistants dealt with daily. I wouldn't want to enter an industry where such bullying is the norm. Do the 'put upon' assistants become like the people they're describing if they make it in the industry?
I think people should be judged on how they treat the people who work for them rather than their boss. None described in this book came out above vile. Are there any nice people in the industry? If so, how the hell do they survive?
This is a good quick read. It made me snort, snarl and drop my jaw. All the space of an hour or two.
March 21, 2016
A quick indulgent read. Nothing here surprised me, having worked "behind the scenes" myself in the industry. When you squish that much ego & insecurity, high stakes, lack of sleep & substance abuse into tight employment situation... well, there is bound to be drama. Funny how those getting started in the industry have a weird sense of entitlement & feel they themselves are celebrity by proxy.
Good for the odd head shake but nothing overly outrageous here. More like overworked professionals mixed with very unprofessional assistants -- a whole lot of, "I hated it/them but I was using them to get ahead". So then why are you complaining? Suck it up, pay your dues, then treat your future assistants better (yeah, right).
Good for the odd head shake but nothing overly outrageous here. More like overworked professionals mixed with very unprofessional assistants -- a whole lot of, "I hated it/them but I was using them to get ahead". So then why are you complaining? Suck it up, pay your dues, then treat your future assistants better (yeah, right).
January 23, 2014
A friend too a job as a actress assistant in Hollywood. So I sent her this book (but read it first). It's a short, quick easy breezy read. Some of the stories are hilarious, some sexy, some degrading, some are pretty sad and some are downright tragic. Not all grins and giggles but definitely a treasure trove of cautionary tales about starting at the bottom rung of the ladder in Hollywood working as an assistant for various big wigs, actors and actresses. Call me picky, but it's kind of what you'd expect, really. :^) It was OK. If you plan to work in the entertainment biz, this would be a fun bedside book to read - each of the 20+ stories is only about 2-6 pages.
Yours,
Picky Butt
Yours,
Picky Butt
September 15, 2012
Wow, I laughed pretty hard reading this book. I have to tell you that some of the stories are not only hilarious and crazy, but show a real dark side to working in Hollywood. From the assistant who had to deal with the actor who went to the bathroom in his car to the starlet who kept bothering her assistant at a family funeral, it's easy to see why Hollywood assistant jobs are not for the faint of heart or thin of skin. I loved this book. If you loved the movie "Swimming with Sharks" you'll totally get this book. If you are easily offended or don't have a sense of humor, you probably won't.
September 8, 2012
This book is a great insight into a world that so few of us get to experience firsthand. The appeal and glamour of Hollywood is usually shown through rose glasses on television and in the media. It was great to read some real life stories that weren’t afraid to hold back and tell it how it really is. This was a great read and I would definitely recommend it to anyone interested in real life Hollywood stories or just a good book.
March 17, 2013
To those who haven't or don't work in show business, a lot of these stories might not seem that interesting(or even probable/possible), but to those who have or do work in the business (I have and I do) it's this kind of "you can't make this shiz up" workaday world that kept me reading and, a lot of times, nodding my head. Seriously, you can't make this shiz up. Comic, tragic, silly, sad, ridiculous...there's no business like...well, you know.
February 5, 2014
I love to read Imogen Edwards-Jones Babylon books that are an inside look at certain industries with real life story. The difference between her books and this one is she is smart enough not to leave it up to the actual individuals to write it. There were parts where I wasn't sure if anyone even edited this book. In saying that, there were a few stories that amused me, one that made my jaw drop and overall it was an easy fun distraction book. Now back to real literature.
October 2, 2014
An amusing, light, airy assortment of believe-it-or-nots in the entertainment world. Sort of like picking up one of those weekly mags while you wait in the grocery store check-out line. Quick read. My only complaint was that it was really tough to tell whether it was a man's or a woman's point-of-view behind each story -- it made a big difference to some of the punchlines. Maybe I was reading too fast...
August 11, 2016
Short, entertaining book of Hollywood blind items by the "little people." The book wasn't quite what I was expecting, though there is plenty of juicy stuff. There is also the occasional heart-breaker (the story about the relative running into trouble in Mexico is especially chilling), but it does make for an interesting collection.
March 17, 2012
Meh. Junk food read.
I went to college with a guy whose girlfriend was a PA for a major studio and she would tell me stories of how horrible people in show business were and for the most part, I believed her until she said that Harrison Ford... you know, Indiana Jones... Han Solo was a TOTAL dick. I was so disappointed. :( This book is total junk food.
I went to college with a guy whose girlfriend was a PA for a major studio and she would tell me stories of how horrible people in show business were and for the most part, I believed her until she said that Harrison Ford... you know, Indiana Jones... Han Solo was a TOTAL dick. I was so disappointed. :( This book is total junk food.
April 2, 2012
I thought this was a great book, very funny, extremely enlightening. Answers alot of questions about the industry, especially why Hollywood can't seem to make an original movie. Alot of stories I couldn't help putting faces to the names, even though the author failed to give an exact indentification they did provide enough detail to make some interesting possibilities.
November 27, 2013
I actually gave this book 3.5 stars. It's a fast paced read with both funny and sad stories (one particular story threw me for a loop ... it was very sad). If you are looking for a bit of "fluff" then I would recommend this book. I just wish some of the people the stories were about, had been named (that would have really made it interesting!)
July 20, 2014
The stories of crazy bosses was fun, but since it was so edited it could have been any industry. The audible book could have used a female actor--the writer and actor played both parts and it was confusing. The author also came across as pretty arrogant in the audible book--not sure if I will read another of his books.
June 26, 2015
Yes, I read a Kindle single. Supposed to be horror stories of the indignities of life as a Hollywood flunky. The "heroic" flunkies, however, sound as self-absorbed, superficial and nakedly ambitious as their bad guy bosses. Best scene: when a female movie exec has to perform a piece of intimate grooming during a conference call in her office.
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September 7, 2015Disappointing. A waste of time and money. I felt like I was reading a list. Many of the stories are over 20 years old. Two of the alleged protagonists are such disgusting people, that I sided with their bosses. Finally, if the author thinks bosses only behave badly, outlandishly, and unfairly towards their employees in the music an entertainment industries, he's lived a sheltered life.
December 23, 2011
Funny, but not what I expected. I think it would have been funnier if it were written from the perspective of one person, instead of several. Also, several stories were a bit edgy, and not the kind of edgy I prefer. :(
January 11, 2012
Don't waste your money or time. Thought it would be a funny light read but it went from dark and depressing to worse and never came back.
Dead dogs and kidnapped sisters are not stories you want for light reading.
Irritatingly bad. Don't give this guy a dime for his book.
Dead dogs and kidnapped sisters are not stories you want for light reading.
Irritatingly bad. Don't give this guy a dime for his book.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 55 reviews