My Love Is a Beast: Confessions

by Alexander Cheves

How does the devout son of evangelical Christians, growing up dedicated to mission work in Africa, become one of America's leading sex columnists and a self-avowed slut committed to kink as his new religion?

Across his debut book, MY LOVE IS A BEAST: CONFESSIONS, Alexander Cheves details his path from piousness to faithlessness, and his awakening to the saving power of hedonism. He tells intimate stories of what he sees as the sacred grace of pleasure as he embraces his life as a sex writer, worker, and activist.

In stories richly lyrical, boldly erotic, and fearlessly honest, Cheves takes readers on a tour through Savannah, Atlanta, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York City. Along the way, he explores the darker corners of Queer culture and his own life, highlighting experiences most will have never considered.

His rise to national popularity among LGBTQ+ writers gets balanced by his own struggles with and recovery from substance use--and his public embrace of kink and fetish as a belief system, way of life, and identity. In the end, Cheves writes with complete, even shocking, transparency and authenticity in the service of shattering sexual shame. Graphic and at times controversial, this book is sure to become a watershed moment among erotic memoirs.

Genres: Memoir, LGBT, Nonfiction, Biography

220 pages, Hardcover

Published October 12, 2021

Reviews

[Roye Julian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been a fan of Alexander Cheves since the moment I got the chance to read his essays. In this memoir, he narrates his religious upbringing and explores his sexuality through his erotic and kinky lifestyle. All of these are written in a way that is so gripping and emotional, but there was also intimacy. It was as if all along, I was listening to someone who was once ashamed of who they were and was now completely proud of themself. There was a sense of liberation as I got to read about his life and how he navigated his identity, especially after testing positive for HIV.

My Love is a Beast is a body of work that truly amazes me. This a thought-provoking memoir is worthy of discussion and all the praise it gets.

[David Wichman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book as a 53 year old queer man that grew up burying my friends & hiding my shame based sexual rebellion in dark corners of bathhouse terror. Add an entire planet that would never truly accept me fully. Even today’s heteronormative gay culture will cringe when reading some of the more graphic truths told in this book. I vacillated from inner screaming out with pride and joy and the sting of envy wishing I had the courage that Alex has. I’ve read his work for a while now mostly published online through his website or various digital magazines. This book pulls back the curtain to see what shapes this very courageous incredible writer.
The book is filled with stories of beauty and deep honesty also some really piggy incredible sexual insights.
My love is a beast made me feel seen heard and filled me with hope of a new generation of queer men who come out of the shadows to be who they are. Straying away from some water down version of themselves to make their presence more palatable for the onlookers.
I’m madly in love with the honesty in this book. Large swaths of me feel compelled after reading this book to find a deeper more truthful expression of myself because this writing is so well done so easy to read yet so clever and unique as an author I learned a lot reading this book.
Here here !! for the new generation of incredible sexual freedom that comes when we have the courage to be exactly who we are. I’m tough on books I don’t like to give five stars very often. This review is authentic a true five star book not prompted by Alex but by my deep need for the world to know and show up and be you. This book is brilliant and highly highly recommended even if you cringe even if it’s not your deal. Even if you cannot relate to the graphic details of the story. I truly believe pulling the curtain back on ourselves even the parts of us that we dare not look at will surely reveal something more truthful about our sexual health our sexual well-being and that all our sexual desires are sacred, acceptable and beautiful. Well done Alexander Cheves well done!!

https://www.unboundedition.com/queer-...

[Szymon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am an easy son to have. Spit. Shove.

Alexander Cheves chronicles coming out in rural America, growing up in a religious household and navigating a promiscuous and kinky queer lifestyle whilst burdening shame and anxiety. He describes various sexual encounters across the kink spectrum (Quotes such as "For many months of that year, I had little to love on, so I loved for his cum." are on the milder side so be warned if you're faint of hearts lol), his lovers and experiences as a writer and sex worker. He grapples with his status and the liberation he felt after testing HIV positive. Cheves deals with death and the sense of community throughout the queer experience.

EDIT: I revisted this novel one year later and found myself all the more enraptured. I know 'fag' novels are no novelty & memoirs as well as essays about sex can often be trite, but Cheves manages to insert many personal truths that I resonated with, once more, while reading it. His discovery, embracement and later struggles with kink and sexuality are, for many queer people in the community, something that happens naturally, but something that is often ostricised from people outside of, as well as within, the community (just think of the annual 'no kink at pride' discourse that rolls around each pride). While no pioneer, Cheves' novel puts into words feelings many of us have felt. The shameless, sometimes almost deifying, embrace of his sexual encounters is refreshing to read.

All in all, I believe it is a novel addition to its genre. If you're queer and kink-/sex-positive queer person this might be a worthwhile read. I believe I may come back around to it in a year or two, and see what I can garner from it that time around.

[Sean · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me cringe, made my stomach hurt, made me sad but sometimes hopeful, made me scared, angry. Sometimes it’s funny, too. Its radical honesty is it’s remarkable strength.

[Brian Kovesci · Rating 5 out of 5]

I need these books. I need stories from the fringes. I need the bell curve to grab more of the outliers, to expand what we think of as normal.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a poetic and beautiful book that I strongly related to. 10/10

[Jared Childress · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is raw, real, and right up my alley. It’s hard to find literature that really brings gay/queer sex out of the shadows and really looks at it in an honest, loving way — this book does just that. Very well written, fast paced, and unapologetic. This book is instant queer canon.

[sas · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful read. Maybe beautiful isn't the right word. Vulnerable? Raw? I'm not sure.

The themes really sit with my journey of identity, evolving personal relationship with god (and the inability to give up something that clearly doesn't exist because it's so ingrained), and embracing of kink and the freedoms found there.

It provoked a conversation with my mum on HIV (with her notes on the 80s and people lost, and me explaining things like PrEP and viral load). I'm sure it'll provoke many more as I share it with friends.

[Rachel Gerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alex is an excellent sex writer and there are of course many stories about sex in this book, but, for me, this book was a book about sex AND was a meditation on identity. It masterfully followed the author through his journey in understanding himself and his place in the world and it’s history. I learned a lot about certain aspects of gay culture I wasn’t previously familiar with, so I appreciate the author taking time to teach through his stories. My favorite chapters were the ones that focused on the author’s relationship with god, religion, family, and the author’s place in the history of and future of gay people. My favorite chapter itself was “faithless” because I thought it was a great intersection of these major themes of the book. A well-made point in the chapter “L.A.” was there is high risk some need to take to come to fully know and understand themselves. This point helped me come to understand many of the book’s stories in a new light and some people I know personally, too. I so appreciate the vulnerability the author shows in this book and the result is a cutting, deep exploration of self identity that had me thinking a lot the week I was reading it and I’m sure I will continue to think about for the weeks after.

[Brandon Muschlitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found myself with a strange mixture of feelings as I was reading this book. This book is both beautiful and raw and talks about sex and kink in such a blunt yet personal way. As the author’s life is unveiled through a series of vignettes and personal anecdotes you get a clear sense for the lens he views the world through. His writing is at times haunting, but also poetic, with bits of comedy sprinkled throughout.

This book will stick with me for a long time and I’m excited to see where Alexander Chevas goes next with his writing!

[Lydia Pazienza · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book will likely be polarizing.

I found it beautiful, but I could see others just as readily finding it horrifying. I even had moments of repulsion that I had to question my gut reactions about, and I would say that none of this material was unfamiliar to me, and I'm very sex positive. Yet, this book does describe a man having unprotected sex, knowingly, while HIV positive. However, the stigma surrounding this means such a different thing today than it did in the 80s, and perhaps our reactions should evolve with that.

I found the exploration of queer identity, hedonism, and the boundaries between pleasure and pain very poignant, and thought provoking.

[Chris Andoe · Rating 5 out of 5]

In his captivating memoir, famed sex columnist Alexander Cheves details his childhood as the football-playing son of evangelical Christians, growing up on a farm and doing missionary work. There are the universal queer experiences of adolescent sexual experimentation, unrequited crushes, and the fear of being exposed. But those are the calm parts of the roller coaster just before your wig hits those behind you, soars out of the park and gets flattened by a Mack truck.

Cheves takes us on an unforgettable, hedonistic journey through Savannah, Atlanta, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and New York City. Kink is his passion, his livelihood (both as a writer and a sex worker), and even his religion—and it’s hard to imagine a more effective evangelist.

While there are a lot of very descriptive sex acts in this book, the intimacy lies in the author’s unflinching, masterful storytelling. You feel you're on the next pillow as he bares his soul and shares his profound convictions and observations. Cheves is a millennial, but demonstrates a deep understanding of the generations before him. Who they are and how they were shaped. He also recognizes the unique moment in which he finds himself, at the dawning sexual revolution after decades of fear. His is a generation that recognizes the limits of labels, as the rigid LG and to a lesser extent B are declining in relevance with the rise of the T and the flexible Q. While he only writes of having sex with men, he has had opposite sex attraction and shares his regrets about not feeling he was permitted to explore those desires. And while he immerses us in a gay man’s world, he comfortably shares anecdotes of kink scenes involving more than one gender. In many ways Cheves is of his generation, but this hardcore memoir certainly flies in the face of the sanitized mores of his contemporaries.

Promiscuous queer men are often portrayed of as cold, vapid and soulless, but Cheves introduces us to a brotherhood. After reading these pages, you’ll have no doubt of his love for his community, and you may see them in a new light.

Cheves’ publisher, Unbound Edition Press, is sending him on a 10-city tour with a stop in San Francisco on September 22nd, just in time for the Folsom Street Fair. His tribe awaits his beastly embrace.

[Don Shewey · Rating 5 out of 5]

(Warning: some strong language quoted here.) Alexander Cheves’s My Love Is a Beast: Confessions opens with an extraordinary pair of statements from the author and publisher that serve as their own version of trigger warnings. In their mild way, they’re alerting the reader that the pages ahead will include intense and vivid descriptions of drug use and extreme sex practices, prolapsed rectums and consensual non-consenting erotic encounters. I’m down with all that. As I once heard someone say, “Tell me the truth or don’t tell me anything at all.” As an adopted child whose first interactive sexual experience involved double penetration and paved the way to lots and lots of borderline degrading butt-centered sex work and wild self-medication, Cheves writes with an unusual honesty and bluntly lyrical prose style. “To the anonymous saint I met in a sex club years ago: You were just a face, blue eyes – I think – with a short brown beard. I can guess your age, mid-forties maybe, but can’t say for sure. It was dark. I don’t know your name, of course. This was some time in the year after my HIV diagnosis. I was on medication, but I still felt ugly and untouchable, something to be feared and unwanted. I nervously told you about my HIV and you said, ‘I don’t give a shit about your status.’ Then you pushed me over and raped my ridiculous cunt like it was a toy you found in the gutter.” You look at Cheves today, all hunky and tattooed with a deep sexy voice (see his “Tub Talk with Damon” on YouTube), and you wonder how that body could contain such self-hatred. But it just goes to show, you never know what’s going on inside a person.

[Sophia Tonnessen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book does so many things well that it's honestly hard to talk through all of it, so I'll focus instead on a few things that really stand out to me. First, Cheves writes so openly and honestly about the fluidity of gender, sexuality, and sex in the world as it is know – where the lines between gay/queer, cis/trans, and even the names we give our own body parts are blurred in ways that allow for more human freedom in the potential hybridity of forms and experiences. It's a real remedy to the insistence on firm divisions that part of the queer community and most of the hetero world use to keep the 'wrong' kind of LBGTQ+ folks oppressed while others assimilate into capitalist society. Am I thinking about this too hard? Yup. The other thing that comes to mind is the elegaic beauty of his prose. Having heard him read aloud, I can imagine the entrancing, enveloping low tones of his voice as he paces out his sentences. They're all written to be read aloud, to be told as stories rather than read as essays, although they work well on the page. But they feel so vibrantly alive that they're meant to be shared with others, despite the discomfort some might feel at the explicit discussions and depictions of kinky sex. I dunno, this books makes me horny and sad and hopeful and want to taste every word in my mouth as I read it, and it feels like there's space for me and people like me in the world Cheves writes about, which is the highest compliment I think I could pay it.

[Jim S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an extraordinary and unique book. As others have remarked, it should be compulsory reading for all genders and sexualities, but especially for sexually active gay men. I gave four copies as Christmas gifts to four wildly disparate men, and each found a part of himself in these pages. While the short form lends itself to being read in small bursts, the recursive nature benefits from a close read.

Cheves beautifully articulates the ways that assimilation has failed us, offers a full throated manifesto (correctly!) reframing the power of bottoms, candidly discusses consent and it’s limitations, and in Backroom, reduced me to tears. And I am not someone who cries. I envy Alex’s ability on that front.

There is much in the book many won’t relate to, but I promise there will be moments that will strike you speechless, whether you are a young gay, or one like me, who lived through the plague years. Raised in the church or not, immersed in kink, or solidly vanilla, in recovery, or one who avoided addiction, there are remarkable insights into each of the circles that make up our Queer community.

One recipient told me that it was so clear that Alex is still only at the beginning of his journey, and how much he wanted to tell him as he moves forward. I have no doubt that’s true, and I look forward to perhaps reading about the next stage of his evolution.

[Jays · Rating 4 out of 5]

There's really no shortage of confessional essay collections out there, so I understand if you find that your personal mileage varies significantly in terms of wanting to read another one, but I found myself enjoying quite a lot of this book. Cheves is a good writer and even if his writing does veer into pretention from time to time, there's still a lot of genuine, honest writing here to keep it compelling.

The essays themselves are nicely organized and while there isn't a strict narrative or thematic flow guiding them, they are presented in a way that help to communicate the book's major theme of coming to terms with parts of yourself that you are either ambivalent about or actively ashamed of. In the author's case, it's his sexuality (specifically, his interest for and attraction to kink), his HIV diagnosis, and his struggle to reconcile all the ancillary aspects of both with the expectation of his upbringing. It can come off a little youthful at times, but many of these essays are about the phase of life when you begin to come out of youth and start to develop some wisdom, so in that sense I found them generally pretty clear-eyed.

I'd be very interested to read more of Cheves, particularly as he ages and refines his perceptions, as we all do when we get older. He's got the makings of a very good, incisive essayist.

[Kirsten · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone is talking about this book, and for good reason. No matter if you're queer or straight, this book offers you a space to be reflected, as well as dreaming bigger for self exploration, and not only in a sexual way!

My Love Is a Beast is as poetic as it is funny, and as vulnerable as it is raw. As Alex Cheves takes you with him into his world of sex dungeons, attics and living rooms, flooded with chiseled men and drugs, he allows you to set yourself free alongside him, letting go of all shame.

The book somehow manages to contain bible camp, backroom parties, missionaries in Africa and rural pick-up truck hook-ups, while digging into the concept of love for strangers, blood relations, chosen families, and ultimately the universal love, and leaves you wondering how this great adventure can be contained to so few pages. This is all thanks to Cheves, precise, poignant and direct manner of storytelling, never beating around the bushes, but keeping the reader on their toes.

My eyeholes have been thoroughly satisfied.

[Juliette Pottier · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have cried and laughed at almost every pages. This book touched me so much I will need to read it at least 1 or 2 more times to really grasped all the aspect that echoed within me.
It was so sincere and humble that I ended the book with a huge amont of love and care for the author.
Also, it wasn't just the story of one personn, i think every pages can resonated with an entire community, with humility.
Finally this is the type of writing I enjoy the most: poetic but direct. Insightful. Sharp.

I recommend this book for everyone who is interested by love, sexe, and lgbtq+ struggles. But also if, beyond that, you are just curious about the path that we all take in life, and how we try our best to reconcile our spiritual quest, our sens of sacredness and our very material and profane struggles.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is just a brilliant debut. It's not a daring work for its explicitness, but for its brutal intimacy. I found it refreshing to read a literary work that engaged with kink as more than mere otherness, but instead as a way of relating; as a point of connection.

And Cheves is a truly special writer. The nerd in me wants to drool over some of his sentences, but its work you'll need to experience firsthand. Whether you are a part of the author's kink community or not, this is writing that engages with the human experience authentically. Through a lens of physicality, Cheves is wrestling with the burden history, culture, and the desire to be with. His care and curiosity is expressed through action. He's an illuminating shepherd for the reader because he misses the wrinkles and beads of sweat we may miss in real time.

[Michael Curless · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my introduction to Alexander Cheves, so I began reading without realizing what an accomplished writer he is and has been for some time. Not for the feint of heart; not by a long shot. While still being vulnerable (who wouldn't be, given his upbringing), Cheves is an in-your-face sexually adventurous (active is too much of an understatement) queer man who worships at the alter of sex. And we get a free ticket to some of his adventures. Although he pursues and revels in many activities that many. if not most men, queer or otherwise, may not have and may never experience, he does so matter-of-factually, without braggadocio. He simply is who he is. And who he is, is a brave, honest and at times enviable human being who writes beautifully.

[Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

The experience I've had reading this book has been one of my favourites in years; I have been a fan of Alexander Cheves for many years, and have always directly credited his incredible kink+sex advice blog ‘Love, Beastly’ for my initial personal engagement with polyamory and the kink community.

Reading Alexander’s raw and beautifully-detailed memoirs of love, sex, and heartbreak was an extremely emotional and validating experience. The joy and pain I felt as a fellow kinky, queer deviant drove me to tears every few pages. I have never felt so represented and in love with the kinky, queer experience.

[Nick Bain · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Love Is a Beast is an honest heartwarming, horny, heart breaking book. Alexander takes us on a journey of self discovery that is echoed by many gay men. It is also a journey that while becoming less frequent in some ways (wider acceptance of the queer community etc in general life) it is becoming more important in others (from increased homophobia and transphobia to the sanitisation of queer life and Pride).

As queer people our history has always been an oral tradition from fear of discovery and pain. To see more books that are diverse and open is a pleasure especially when written with such pure unfiltered emotion.

[Rafael Maurício · Rating 5 out of 5]

I tickled Alexander on the dance floor at Berghain, without me knowing who he was. I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I had the chance to come across this book and read his story. It's a roller-coaster of emotions. At times you want to hug him and console him, and at times you need some time apart. My Love Is A Beast: Confessions is a page turner, you will smile, you will cry and gasp quite a lot actually! I recommend this book to anyone who wishes to explore their links or is too afraid to do their own thing. Next time I see Alexander on the dance floor, I'm going to give him a strong hug, and some kisses too! Thank you

[Nathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alex Cheves is in a pissing contest with god. He Jeers and gapes himself at the audience. “Look at me” he says in a deep voice. And then again, but with so much more. Cheves shares a relatable struggle for satisfaction. Reading through some of the pits he willingly climbed into freaked me out several times in the book and I had to put it down. How many times did I walk past a thinly veiled trap? I believe deeply in consent, making this book difficult to read at times. Yet, I enjoyed Cheves as the guide. His heartfelt presence in the writing assured me through. This book is as warm and pink on the inside as it is on the cover.

[Mark Peddigrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a bad reader, a slow one. As much as I enjoy reading, it takes a lot of focus for me to sit down and finish a book - and the stacks of them that I put down forever, after an uninspired first chapter, is significantly more than those I see to the last page.

My Love is a Beast pulled me in from the beginning and did not require focus, as I got lost in its pages. Equal parts gutted, floored and turned on, Alexander Cheves' work inspires me to be a more vulnerable and open person.

Unflinching and poetic. Hardcore and romantic. Personal and universal. Bravo.

[Anthony · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alex offers a laid-bare confessional which resonated in ways I wasn't expecting. As a fan of his writing for some time, I was eagerly anticipating this long form memoir. As in all good memoirs, I was happy to find that bits and details that spoke also to my own life. Out of the most hardcore situations spill forth some of the most intimate and beautifully delicate passages, a balance that brings beauty to the writing throughout the book. I look forward to his next book and his next set of confessions.

[Nikolaj Tange Lange · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a story about making sense of yourself as a gay man; in a gay culture that can be both magical and toxic, that makes us feel connected one moment and estranged the next but still is part of who you are. In this way, it's very relatable.

Alexander Cheves has a great eye for the wonders, the ties, and the history to a point where it almost feels like a mythology - an ode to the shameless - yet, without ever ignoring the dark sides luring underneath.

[Dale · Rating 5 out of 5]

MLiaB takes the form a series of lyrical essays, which are beautifully crafted and invoke poetry, family conflicts, and the queer condition with deftness. It works as a memoir as much for what the essays don't reveal as they do. Cheves goes to an intimacy with his readers which is almost overwhelming. As someone who has written about sex work and reads extensively sex work narratives, Cheves is one of a few writers I even trust on the topic.

[Buck Cooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cheaves is a stellar talent. I’ve read this book twice and I look forward to more from him. Yes, there’s sex and it’s hot, but this is more about art. Cheaves is a master of words, phrasing, and storytelling. His writing feeds your mind, warms your heart, and, yes, stirs your loins. Run, don’t walk, to read this book.

[Hadrien Komaromi · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Love Is a Beast is a wonderful mix of raunchy sex stories and soft melancholic passages. The prose is rich and binds everything perfectly. It is a beautiful autobiography, very emotional yet not overly self-indulging. I thank Alex for writing a unique queer story all the while being highly relatable.