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No Getting Ogre You
I'm lost in him, consumed by him. Knowing that he could snap me in half in a second, grind my bones to make his bread, thrills me more than it should. He could gobble me up in an instant.
Lucky me that he just wants to eat me out instead.
***
Lost on the Appalachian Trail, Jaquelyn falls head-over-heels (literally) into an ogre's lair. She should be terrified of the enormous horned monster, but he turns out to be a surprisingly gentle green giant, and soon the fact that he and Jaquelyn don't understand each other no longer matters. Sure, he may be a monster, but he's also the best lover she's ever had, and there are definitely fates worse than spending the rest of your life in a thick-monster-king's love cave.
Abandoned by his clan, Crug forms an instant bond with the strange surface creature who falls through his roof. But as much as he adores her, and as good as she makes him feel, he knows cannot keep her. Before long, Crug will have to choose between his home and clan, and the love of his life.
***
No Getting Ogre You is a short, steamy romance between a human woman and a male monster with a Happily Ever After and lots of happy endings. Content guidance for blood, bones, a spider, the dark, explicit monster love and swearing.
Lucky me that he just wants to eat me out instead.
***
Lost on the Appalachian Trail, Jaquelyn falls head-over-heels (literally) into an ogre's lair. She should be terrified of the enormous horned monster, but he turns out to be a surprisingly gentle green giant, and soon the fact that he and Jaquelyn don't understand each other no longer matters. Sure, he may be a monster, but he's also the best lover she's ever had, and there are definitely fates worse than spending the rest of your life in a thick-monster-king's love cave.
Abandoned by his clan, Crug forms an instant bond with the strange surface creature who falls through his roof. But as much as he adores her, and as good as she makes him feel, he knows cannot keep her. Before long, Crug will have to choose between his home and clan, and the love of his life.
***
No Getting Ogre You is a short, steamy romance between a human woman and a male monster with a Happily Ever After and lots of happy endings. Content guidance for blood, bones, a spider, the dark, explicit monster love and swearing.
81 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 2021
40 people are currently reading
696 people want to read
About the author
Marie Lipscomb
16 books99 followersMarie is a romance and fantasy author with a penchant for unlikely heroes, fantastical creatures, and finding romance in the midst of chaos. She has a particular fondness for big, squishy, cinnamon-roll heroes, especially if they're beardy.
She was born in Bolton, in the North West of England. After getting a bit taller, she attended The University of Cumbria, confusingly located in Lancaster, UK.
She studied Drama as her major, but needed to take a minor. In a spectacularly on-brand move, she left it to the last minute to look into things, and creative writing seemed the easiest choice (hahaha!)
Eventually, she realized drama was not for her, but loved creative writing. She went on to study creative writing at a postgraduate level and just never stopped setting herself homework.
Marie now lives in Virginia, USA, with her husband, Jacob, her dog, Alfie, Jacob's dog, Belle, and Merlin the bearded dragon. When she's not writing, she can usually be found playing the same three video games on a loop (*cough* Dragon Age)
She was born in Bolton, in the North West of England. After getting a bit taller, she attended The University of Cumbria, confusingly located in Lancaster, UK.
She studied Drama as her major, but needed to take a minor. In a spectacularly on-brand move, she left it to the last minute to look into things, and creative writing seemed the easiest choice (hahaha!)
Eventually, she realized drama was not for her, but loved creative writing. She went on to study creative writing at a postgraduate level and just never stopped setting herself homework.
Marie now lives in Virginia, USA, with her husband, Jacob, her dog, Alfie, Jacob's dog, Belle, and Merlin the bearded dragon. When she's not writing, she can usually be found playing the same three video games on a loop (*cough* Dragon Age)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 156 reviews
October 21, 2021
Shrek, but make it wholesome and cheesy and sexy.
October 17, 2021
This was a sweet and steamy Ogre/Monster short. It's hard for me to rate shorts above three stars just because being so short they're usually insta-love little bits of fluff. This was okay. The H was so sweet and loving, even for a 10ft ogre. I just loved him and his special junk.
My favorite line:
I mean, come on, that's a great line!! 🤩🤣🤣
My favorite line:
Maybe giving it all up to live down here in Craig’s sex cave wouldn’t be such a terrible fate. Sure, I’d probably have a pretty serious vitamin D deficiency, but the tradeoff would be all the monster D I can handle.
I mean, come on, that's a great line!! 🤩🤣🤣
December 17, 2023
He is the most teeth rotting sweet ogre.
May 11, 2022
Much more heartfelt and romantic than I was expecting although I wish Crug and Jacqueline had learned to verbally communicate a lot sooner than they did.
Overall, though, this was an entertaining and really fun, short read!
CW: explicit sexual content,
violence, slight blood
Overall, though, this was an entertaining and really fun, short read!
CW: explicit sexual content,
violence, slight blood
February 2, 2024
it was short, sweet, and honestly sooo funny. would recommend!!
October 28, 2021
Jaquelyn is hiking along the Appalachian Trail when she ends up falling into an ogre's lair. That ogre's name is Crug, and he is so grateful to finally have some companionship in his life. With the language barrier between the two, it is pretty hard for the two of them to communicate. However, the two of them cannot deny the attraction that they have for the other.
OKAY, this was so cute and fun!! I adored Crug and how sweet he was toward Jaquelyn! He is just a big softy who would do anything for this woman! If you want a monster romance with a hero who fully falls for the heroine, please read this one!!
TROPES: bigger hero, caretaking scene, cinnamon roll hero, kindle unlimited, language barrier, monsters, never been kissed (hero), non-human, recluse (hero), novella, sweet hero
OKAY, this was so cute and fun!! I adored Crug and how sweet he was toward Jaquelyn! He is just a big softy who would do anything for this woman! If you want a monster romance with a hero who fully falls for the heroine, please read this one!!
TROPES: bigger hero, caretaking scene, cinnamon roll hero, kindle unlimited, language barrier, monsters, never been kissed (hero), non-human, recluse (hero), novella, sweet hero
December 23, 2022
ŞAKA MI?????? ÇOK GÜZELDİ sdhjkfdksks yemin ederim bayıldım, Jülide iyi ki okutmuşsun bunu bana aşkım sksmskffsks
October 25, 2021
Super cute, but another Mixed Bag Read™.
- This story could have used a little more length to allow for more world building and better resolution at the end than the temporary fix they ended up with. This one didn't end in a way where the reader can naturally project out how they expect it will end. Since this is a romance instead of erotica...seriously, what are they going to do to make it work?
- I swear if I see one more green-eyed red-haired impulsive-to-the-point-of-TSTL heroine....
+ Dad Bod/large dude body rep for this one. The description of his shape was very Shrek-esque. Wee li'le legs and a large belly/upper body. This story had very obvious Shrek with human Fiona influence, which I can totally get behind.
+ Decent consent-seeking for a monsterfucking story with a language barrier.
+ Crug is a total cinnamon roll. With very unique anatomy. Maybe too unique,
The parts I enjoyed, I really enjoyed. The aspects I didn't, I...didn't. So I'm giving this an even 3 star reading to average the two out.
And.
That preview for her upcoming Santa short. 👀
- This story could have used a little more length to allow for more world building and better resolution at the end than the temporary fix they ended up with. This one didn't end in a way where the reader can naturally project out how they expect it will end. Since this is a romance instead of erotica...seriously, what are they going to do to make it work?
- I swear if I see one more green-eyed red-haired impulsive-to-the-point-of-TSTL heroine....
+ Dad Bod/large dude body rep for this one. The description of his shape was very Shrek-esque. Wee li'le legs and a large belly/upper body. This story had very obvious Shrek with human Fiona influence, which I can totally get behind.
+ Decent consent-seeking for a monsterfucking story with a language barrier.
+ Crug is a total cinnamon roll. With very unique anatomy. Maybe too unique,
The parts I enjoyed, I really enjoyed. The aspects I didn't, I...didn't. So I'm giving this an even 3 star reading to average the two out.
And.
That preview for her upcoming Santa short. 👀
October 10, 2021
4 stars.
Ok. So when we’re describing the ogre hero. He’s got short legs and a long torso, he’s like 10 feet tall, he’s got a big belly and the width of a king sized mattress, he’s got green skin. Cool. I’m down with all of that. But the second it mentions he has a goddamn chinstrap beard any potential sexual appeal just flies out the window. Anathema for me.
Contains: inter species, extreme size difference, interesting anatomy (long+flexible cock, sucker attaches to her clit), hurt comfort, language barrier, virgin hero
Steam: 3/5 (two scenes)
Ok. So when we’re describing the ogre hero. He’s got short legs and a long torso, he’s like 10 feet tall, he’s got a big belly and the width of a king sized mattress, he’s got green skin. Cool. I’m down with all of that. But the second it mentions he has a goddamn chinstrap beard any potential sexual appeal just flies out the window. Anathema for me.
Contains: inter species, extreme size difference, interesting anatomy (long+flexible cock, sucker attaches to her clit), hurt comfort, language barrier, virgin hero
Steam: 3/5 (two scenes)
December 20, 2022
Utanç duygusunu kaybetmiş biri olarak Bu kitaba 5/5 den başka bir şey vermem imkansız kddmjdjs
“It’s cuffing season
All the girls are leaving to get a big boyy I need a big boy give me a big boy” dkfkdskdk
Şimdi inatla bunu Denize okutmam lazım fkdndnsndn bana şans dileyin
“It’s cuffing season
All the girls are leaving to get a big boyy I need a big boy give me a big boy” dkfkdskdk
Şimdi inatla bunu Denize okutmam lazım fkdndnsndn bana şans dileyin
March 11, 2025
Uhh…I have nothing to say in my defense.
May 14, 2023
I loved this! It was so freaking adorable, I love M.L. Eliza and Marie Lipscomb's writing!
October 3, 2021
All I have to say to you is, a very lonely cinnamon roll Ogre who feels sick at the sight of blood. He is 10 feet tall and as big as a king sized mattress. He has a SUCTION THING at the base of his (redacted for Goodreads). Run don't walk to this book.
October 9, 2021
This would have been better as erotica than as a romance. The book is very short, so shoehorning in a danger plot and HEA didn’t really work and I didn’t buy the ending.
It was just okay, which on the goodreads system means 2 stars.
It was just okay, which on the goodreads system means 2 stars.
October 17, 2021
It’s so short that I’m not sure this even counts as a novella but! I loved it for giving me both tender mush and hot sex feelings on a lazy Sunday morning.
Basically, a woman falls into a cave while out on an ill-advised hike and ends up falling in lust, then love, with an outcast ogre. Crug, our hero, is a virgin cinnamon roll who collects shiny stones and has a huge heart of love to give. I ADORED him. Jacquelyn feels less well conceived and we don’t get enough of her back story to understand why she’s so open to Crug’s giant green charms. This would have mattered more in a longer form story, but here I could let it slide.
No Getting Ogre You is the second Marie Lipscomb story I’ve read this year (here writing as ML Eliza, her erotic romance pen name) and I really enjoy her straightforward, emotional style. I hope she writes more soft squishy monsterfucking stories, just for me.
CWs: descriptions of meat, bones & animal carcasses; eating bones and raw meat; violent injury; familial rejection
Basically, a woman falls into a cave while out on an ill-advised hike and ends up falling in lust, then love, with an outcast ogre. Crug, our hero, is a virgin cinnamon roll who collects shiny stones and has a huge heart of love to give. I ADORED him. Jacquelyn feels less well conceived and we don’t get enough of her back story to understand why she’s so open to Crug’s giant green charms. This would have mattered more in a longer form story, but here I could let it slide.
No Getting Ogre You is the second Marie Lipscomb story I’ve read this year (here writing as ML Eliza, her erotic romance pen name) and I really enjoy her straightforward, emotional style. I hope she writes more soft squishy monsterfucking stories, just for me.
CWs: descriptions of meat, bones & animal carcasses; eating bones and raw meat; violent injury; familial rejection
January 9, 2023
sweet but weird 🤠
July 1, 2022
This isn’t like most books that I give a 4 but it was just so funny and delightful. I love this genre of cozy, awkward monster romance, especially with a language barrier. The author’s voices for each character were great, and I love that the MC used bear spray on the goblins.
Minus one star because she calls the ogre Craig (I’m jk)
Minus one star because she calls the ogre Craig (I’m jk)
December 17, 2021
I could not stop thinking of Shrek, so this was very cursed and extremely hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
August 28, 2022
3.5 stars
I'm not even ashamed that I loved this. The hero was the sweetest, most precious angel and I legitimately got emotional when he talked about how lonely he was. This was ridiculous, of course, but such a fun time.
I'm not even ashamed that I loved this. The hero was the sweetest, most precious angel and I legitimately got emotional when he talked about how lonely he was. This was ridiculous, of course, but such a fun time.
October 6, 2021
Umm how did it fit.......
November 9, 2021
Really enjoyed this but the HEA felt a little rushed and uncertain.
November 1, 2022
nobody judge me
December 27, 2022
Bunu bana öneren Deniz aşkıma sonsuz teşekkürlerimi sunuyorum. ÇOK GÜZELDİ ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 KSMEKDMDODMDOCMIDMDOD
December 30, 2022
I love this book. It definitely is getting me into monster romance. This is smutty, sweet, and so cute. I definitely recommend this book it is well written but beware it is 18 +
April 29, 2022
Omg this was such a funny, sweet and hot novella. It was my first monster romance and I think it's a great introduction to the trope.
At first I was kind of scared because of the size difference, (IKYK 🤣🤭🤣🤭🤣) but it was nicely done and I enjoyed it.
lol.
At first I was kind of scared because of the size difference, (IKYK 🤣🤭🤣🤭🤣) but it was nicely done and I enjoyed it.
lol.
January 6, 2023
That was...different. Not much one can do in 67 pages, but what is there is adorable. The whole novella is very rushed.
Grug is the biggest cinnamon roll ever. Abandoned and forgotten by his clan, he's terribly lonely and strangely gentle for a 10 foot tall ogre. I mean, the guy gets nauseated at the sight of animal flesh/blood. The best part is he's not buff and ripped with a 6-pack. He's got a round, pudgy belly that the FMC likes to cuddle up to. When he meets our, also, lonely heroine, they immediately fall in love.
They both know they can't stay in this cave together and he can't live with her and the humans However, his clan returns, wanting to eat his new girlfriend. In their disgust at his intimate relationship with what they consider food, they cruelly tell him he isn't a goblin and they never loved, valued or cared for him in any way. They then beat the crap out of him, trying to get to Jacqueline for lunch. I just wanted to give the guy a huge hug.
In the end they run away together and try to make this goofy relationship work. It may have been short, rushed and weird, but it made my heart happy, so that's all that counts.
Grug is the biggest cinnamon roll ever. Abandoned and forgotten by his clan, he's terribly lonely and strangely gentle for a 10 foot tall ogre. I mean, the guy gets nauseated at the sight of animal flesh/blood. The best part is he's not buff and ripped with a 6-pack. He's got a round, pudgy belly that the FMC likes to cuddle up to. When he meets our, also, lonely heroine, they immediately fall in love.
They both know they can't stay in this cave together and he can't live with her and the humans However, his clan returns, wanting to eat his new girlfriend. In their disgust at his intimate relationship with what they consider food, they cruelly tell him he isn't a goblin and they never loved, valued or cared for him in any way. They then beat the crap out of him, trying to get to Jacqueline for lunch. I just wanted to give the guy a huge hug.
In the end they run away together and try to make this goofy relationship work. It may have been short, rushed and weird, but it made my heart happy, so that's all that counts.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 24, 2022
The Ogre is cute and lovely but this big size difference? Strange, not cute and weird.
Ps: Iasmin, please stop sending this kind of books for me to read, I'm too curious and I'm starting to get a fame from reading it.
Ps: Iasmin, please stop sending this kind of books for me to read, I'm too curious and I'm starting to get a fame from reading it.
March 19, 2022
If you want:
♡ Plus size, virgin and sweet hero
♡ Horns
♡ All the smut possible
♡ Hardware...down there
You may want to read this book.
This as an amazing short and sweet read;
The way the author words her phrases are amazing, and it's very well written. I loved every minute of the plot, it was both funny and sometimes even heartbreaking; I love all the little details, the author took a very difficult thing to translate into writing - Which as language barrier - and done an amazing job putting it into words, and making it funny, sweet and pleasing to read. She understood the assignment. Also, if you are a fan of some monster hot and passionate lovin' (If you know what I mean) this is perfect for ya.
There are some mean people - Yes, I'm calling y'all out - who say that the ogre in the story remembers Shrek when in fact, as someone who actually read the novella, he doesn't look like shrek at all and I sense a hint of "I don't like anything different so imma critic". The way he's describe actually made me think of him as handsome. I swear, everytime someone writes about an character who doesn't fit society standards, the story automatically receives backlash and it's ridiculous and childish.
If you're the author and is reading this, please continue writing. Your representation matters a lot.
July 27, 2022
“I adore her already. Strange creature. How good it feels to smile again, to talk to someone, if only about stones.”
This short novella was achingly sweet and I could not get enough! Do not be fooled though because the spicy parts were hot! Jaqueline is lost on a trail in the mountains when she falls down into a cave. When she awakes she is faced with a huge green monster. She soon finds out that the monster means her no harm and only wishes to help her. Crug has been left by his clan and spends his days lonely in dark caves. When he sees the strange creature that fell into his caves he wishes to help her. He is infatuated with her and vows to help and protect her as best as he can. As they get to know each other and struggle with a language barrier a tension grows between the two. When I tell you this giant ogre literally made my heart melt I am not lying! He is so sweet, and kind, protective, and romantic in his own special way. Not to mention he has an added bonus going on 🤤 This story had me surprisingly in my feelings and I loved reading about these two!
This short novella was achingly sweet and I could not get enough! Do not be fooled though because the spicy parts were hot! Jaqueline is lost on a trail in the mountains when she falls down into a cave. When she awakes she is faced with a huge green monster. She soon finds out that the monster means her no harm and only wishes to help her. Crug has been left by his clan and spends his days lonely in dark caves. When he sees the strange creature that fell into his caves he wishes to help her. He is infatuated with her and vows to help and protect her as best as he can. As they get to know each other and struggle with a language barrier a tension grows between the two. When I tell you this giant ogre literally made my heart melt I am not lying! He is so sweet, and kind, protective, and romantic in his own special way. Not to mention he has an added bonus going on 🤤 This story had me surprisingly in my feelings and I loved reading about these two!
October 1, 2021
I am loving all the hot monster erotic romances with emphasis on consent. Don't get me wrong, I love a seductive Alpha werewolf, but this latest crop of Monster Mash is so *NICE* to read during the past 18 months of so many people being so horribly selfish and mean spirited and downright nasty.
Synopsis: Crug is some kind of gigantic green cave dwelling creature. He lives off of a diet of bones and his primary hobby is collecting pretty rocks. He is a naturally gentle being, and has been abandoned by the rest of his clan, who are all much smaller, more vicious creatures that live deeper within the smaller tunnels of the cave system. Crug's responsibility to the clan is to guard the main entrance to the caves from predators. One day a creature like one he's never seen before falls through to his home, and he quickly discerns (because he's very bright and inquisitive) that it is a female and she's injured. He cares for her wounds over the next day or so, they try to communicate and fall in love.
Tropes:
Monster Fucking
Unusual anatomy
Love at first sight
Forced proximity
Only one bed
Grotto hot tub
Lonely hero
Nursing back to health
Language Barrier
Synopsis: Crug is some kind of gigantic green cave dwelling creature. He lives off of a diet of bones and his primary hobby is collecting pretty rocks. He is a naturally gentle being, and has been abandoned by the rest of his clan, who are all much smaller, more vicious creatures that live deeper within the smaller tunnels of the cave system. Crug's responsibility to the clan is to guard the main entrance to the caves from predators. One day a creature like one he's never seen before falls through to his home, and he quickly discerns (because he's very bright and inquisitive) that it is a female and she's injured. He cares for her wounds over the next day or so, they try to communicate and fall in love.
Tropes:
Monster Fucking
Unusual anatomy
Love at first sight
Forced proximity
Only one bed
Grotto hot tub
Lonely hero
Nursing back to health
Language Barrier
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