one of my favorite books of 2024, easily. i’ll add more thoughts when it’s not past my bedtime and all my feelings have had some time to settle into my brain
okay im back. first of all i got a for-keeps copy of this book in the spring for free from the library and waited too long to read it. the story is about river, and takes place over the course of 8? ish years, from being a teenager to about age 22-23. the book is split into sections, and the time jumps are broke up with short sections of facts about various marine animals. it’s about swimming/sports, gender, family (parents, siblings, chosen family), culture, the midwest, broadly, and ohio, specifically, self-discovery (again and again), community, friendship, growing up, coming out, falling in love, being confused, and a really shitty aquarium theme park. i listened to it over three days at the woodshop and if my coworker saw me crying no he didn’t.
more about confusion - so much of the time, river is feeling confused/stressed/sad/not-quite-right, and doesn’t always understand why - to me this is a HUGE strength of the book, along with the way the book spanned so many years. in so many ya books, and certainly adult books, about queer characters, the character already has a strong sense of self and identity, and the story is just a small moment of time in their life - there’s a problem, the problem gets solved, and everything is great. i think a lot about how stories like this give pressure to have everything figured out and once you do know, to tell everyone. and sort of puts things into the “dinosaur” boxes of how and when love/relationships/etc are supposed to happen. but stuff is confusing! and i loved how this was shown in the story, over so many different years and phases of river’s life. they moved between certainty and uncertainty, clarity and confusion, confidence and dysphoria, in different ways in different settings, with different people, and through different times in their life. it was a lot but felt really good to read a story and character like this. it was emotionally engaging so far beyond what is typical for the queer ya i read. it was also funny! and i feel captured the emotions, and changes in emotions, of being a teenager, to an older teenager, and into your 20s, in a realistic way.
this book also had multiple endings and epilogues. not in a multi-verse sort of way, more of in an immediate, and then jump forward to the future to check in, sort of way. the endings were happy and sweet, almost unrealistically so, which i also loved, because YES! after everything river gets to have a happy ending, and so do the readers (who are probably used to reading books about queer people where bad things happen, or are tired of being told in other ways that it’s hard to be queer or trans and have a happy ending). corey mccarthy said no thanks, we’ve seen enough of that already.
the situation with the mom broke my heart - in the way the mom spoke and talked throughout the book, but also specifically in the way the siblings talked about her and had this shared experience of being raised in a certain kind of emotional environment and what it meant for them as they grew up into the world and themselves. oof.
anyways if it’s not clear i will be thinking about this book for a LONG time, and definitely re-reading.
also - ER Fightmaster was the PERFECT person to read this audiobook (they played high school sports in ohio, and later came out and trans/non binary), and even though i already had the hard copy, when i realized they did the audiobook (thanks jockular book club) i thought hmm why not listen to that instead - they should do more audiobooks!
also shoutout to the dog named HUGO in this book!!! for several years i had a roommate with a dog named hugo and he is genuinely my favorite dog in the world ❤️