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What I Couldn't Leave Behind: My Career as a Cop
“A powerful, engaging narrative with poignant moments that made me feel like Neil’s partner on patrol. There are strong similarities between military and police operations, the former attack and defend, the latter investigate and protect, but we both serve. His memoir made me feel the weight, excitement, and adrenaline of his service from recruit to his reflections on the responsibilities of police officers in the community.”
--Bill Riley, Award winning author of Baghdaddy.
What would you be willing to endure to keep society safe?
Out of a deep desire to help others, Neil Loewe joined his hometown police department and internalized everything he experienced. Bloody domestic battery calls, gruesome train accidents, and an aviation disaster all grabbed him by the heart. Fortunately, other moments were funny or heartwarming, but tragedy always lurked just around the corner. After twenty-eight years on the job, he retired and realized how much the experience had changed him.
Ride along as he trains at the Chicago Police Academy and heads out on patrol. Witness real-life situations he encountered. Feel what it’s like to wear a badge, carry a gun, and shoulder the weight of responsibility that goes with it. This is the highly personal story of one officer’s career and his search for healing when it was over. It might open your eyes to what really goes on out there and how it affects those who raise their hand and swear to uphold the Constitution and preserve life and property.
--Bill Riley, Award winning author of Baghdaddy.
What would you be willing to endure to keep society safe?
Out of a deep desire to help others, Neil Loewe joined his hometown police department and internalized everything he experienced. Bloody domestic battery calls, gruesome train accidents, and an aviation disaster all grabbed him by the heart. Fortunately, other moments were funny or heartwarming, but tragedy always lurked just around the corner. After twenty-eight years on the job, he retired and realized how much the experience had changed him.
Ride along as he trains at the Chicago Police Academy and heads out on patrol. Witness real-life situations he encountered. Feel what it’s like to wear a badge, carry a gun, and shoulder the weight of responsibility that goes with it. This is the highly personal story of one officer’s career and his search for healing when it was over. It might open your eyes to what really goes on out there and how it affects those who raise their hand and swear to uphold the Constitution and preserve life and property.
308 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 19, 2021
62 people are currently reading
21 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
April 23, 2022
I found this book stunning - I laughed and I cried. This is a must-read for anyone who wants to know what police officers face each day, and just as importantly, how it personally affects them. The author somehow managed to avoid sensationalism while making the book a page turner, quite an accomplishment. Very well written, a great book I cannot more highly recommend.
October 25, 2021
It is hard to describe just how good this book really is!
If you want to truly understand what a policeman’s life is like, you need to read this book. Not only is Neil Loewe an excellent writer, but he was a good cop, and a very caring human being. He describes his career honestly, showing the good, the bad, and some of the ugly.
What I really appreciated, we're his discussions at the end of each chapter, describing his mistakes, or how he might have handled situations better. This book makes you realize that it is impossible for every policeman to handle every situation perfectly. As Neil says, every cop is also a human being, trying to do his best, when confronted by the worst in life. From what I could see from this book, Neil Loewe didn't make many mistakes, and he was a credit to his profession.
If you want to truly understand what a policeman’s life is like, you need to read this book. Not only is Neil Loewe an excellent writer, but he was a good cop, and a very caring human being. He describes his career honestly, showing the good, the bad, and some of the ugly.
What I really appreciated, we're his discussions at the end of each chapter, describing his mistakes, or how he might have handled situations better. This book makes you realize that it is impossible for every policeman to handle every situation perfectly. As Neil says, every cop is also a human being, trying to do his best, when confronted by the worst in life. From what I could see from this book, Neil Loewe didn't make many mistakes, and he was a credit to his profession.
October 3, 2023
Really glad that I “rode along” with this former Des Plaines IL police officer via his debut book. It gave me a new appreciation, respect, and gratitude for the men and women who do this job. Thank you, Officer Friendly!
The chapters on the AA Flight 191 crash were of special interest as it was one of those “I remember where I was when I first heard about it” incidents. My sister was driving us home from school. We were on Dempster, heading East, and we heard the report on the radio. Such a tragedy.
The chapters on the AA Flight 191 crash were of special interest as it was one of those “I remember where I was when I first heard about it” incidents. My sister was driving us home from school. We were on Dempster, heading East, and we heard the report on the radio. Such a tragedy.
February 9, 2025
This was an amazing read. The author really shared the emotion of 28 years in law enforcement. His open and honest recollection of the good the bad the ugly, and the emotional baggage that comes with that was very powerful. If you enjoy this genre or sub genre, this is one of the best books I’ve read on it. Some of his recollections have helped me to frame up events in my past and maybe shape differently the way I think about them.
Thank you, Mr Loewe
Thank you, Mr Loewe
August 19, 2022
Even though I cried, I couldn’t put down this well-written book.
I can’t begin to imagine all a cop must endure. Neil Loewe cares about the victims and even tries to help those who deserve punishment. He goes above and beyond to make a difference in this fallen world. As I read his stories, I put myself in his place where the culprit could’ve been my wayward son. My nineteen-year-old only child is now in heaven because someone murdered him when he made stupid choices that ultimately led to his death. He got into trouble more times than I can count. So this book became very real to me. I was brought to tears numerous times, yet I couldn’t stop reading. I felt close to my son when What I Couldn’t Leave Behind: My Career as a Cop showed me all the things that could’ve happened to my son but didn’t because his life ended so quickly. This book will have you on the edge of your seat many times; this is a must-read for everyone so you can better understand what it takes for us to be protected and what happens to your protector because he lives his life as a cop. You are sadly mistaken if you think being a cop doesn’t change a person’s life. I pray God gives Neil peace from all the memories that still haunt him from his life as a cop.
I can’t begin to imagine all a cop must endure. Neil Loewe cares about the victims and even tries to help those who deserve punishment. He goes above and beyond to make a difference in this fallen world. As I read his stories, I put myself in his place where the culprit could’ve been my wayward son. My nineteen-year-old only child is now in heaven because someone murdered him when he made stupid choices that ultimately led to his death. He got into trouble more times than I can count. So this book became very real to me. I was brought to tears numerous times, yet I couldn’t stop reading. I felt close to my son when What I Couldn’t Leave Behind: My Career as a Cop showed me all the things that could’ve happened to my son but didn’t because his life ended so quickly. This book will have you on the edge of your seat many times; this is a must-read for everyone so you can better understand what it takes for us to be protected and what happens to your protector because he lives his life as a cop. You are sadly mistaken if you think being a cop doesn’t change a person’s life. I pray God gives Neil peace from all the memories that still haunt him from his life as a cop.
September 27, 2021
Neil's story unleashed memories of my own that still bring tears
Neil's voice on the page spoke to me in a personal way. I served as a victim's advocate fot the Westminster, Colorado PD. My shift hours were 5pm to 5am. Reading Neil's story is like standing in his shoes and viewing traumatic events from a different prospective. I finished Neil's story minutes ago and to this day feel the powerful emotions I still carry from encounters of domestic violence, deaths and the day I was called by the request of the swat team to the Colorado Columbine High School massacre. I remember the heroic actions of the police officers going into the school while the shooters were still there, the compassion of the officers next to me as children were rescued and delivered to us... I never saw or was able to speak to those officers again, to thank them, to honor their service, for making me feel protected. If they are reading this I hope my respect and gratitude will help soften some of those visions we carry.
Neil's voice on the page spoke to me in a personal way. I served as a victim's advocate fot the Westminster, Colorado PD. My shift hours were 5pm to 5am. Reading Neil's story is like standing in his shoes and viewing traumatic events from a different prospective. I finished Neil's story minutes ago and to this day feel the powerful emotions I still carry from encounters of domestic violence, deaths and the day I was called by the request of the swat team to the Colorado Columbine High School massacre. I remember the heroic actions of the police officers going into the school while the shooters were still there, the compassion of the officers next to me as children were rescued and delivered to us... I never saw or was able to speak to those officers again, to thank them, to honor their service, for making me feel protected. If they are reading this I hope my respect and gratitude will help soften some of those visions we carry.
August 23, 2023
I stumbled upon this excellently written memoir through my subscription to Kindle Unlimited. When I realized it was about an officer from the town I spent my teen years in, I took a gamble on it. Let me tell you.....It was a page turner.....Mr. Loewe is a talented writer and I felt like I was riding right along with him with the added bonus of being able to see the view from his heart and his mind.
I've always had a "Back the Blue" mentality but this book gave me a whole new view into the humanity and humility of those who choose to serve and protect. I know it is not a job I'd be able to do. My husband is a fan of the show "On Patrol". I told him that his show, while fascinating, only shows one dimension of the job. Mr. Loewe gave me a whole new perspective.
I want to thank Neil Loewe for his service, his integrity and for letting us peak into the human side of a police officer.
I've always had a "Back the Blue" mentality but this book gave me a whole new view into the humanity and humility of those who choose to serve and protect. I know it is not a job I'd be able to do. My husband is a fan of the show "On Patrol". I told him that his show, while fascinating, only shows one dimension of the job. Mr. Loewe gave me a whole new perspective.
I want to thank Neil Loewe for his service, his integrity and for letting us peak into the human side of a police officer.
October 25, 2021
Hard to describe how good this book really is!
If you want to truly understand what a policeman’s life is like, you need to read this book. Not only is Neil Loewe an excellent writer, but he was a good cop, and a very caring human being. He describes his career honestly, showing the good, the bad, and some of the ugly.
What I really appreciated, we're his discussions at the end of each chapter, describing his mistakes, or how he might have handled situations better. This book makes you realize that it is impossible for every policeman to handle every situation perfectly. As Neil says, every cop is also a human being, trying to do his best, when confronted by the worst in life. From what I could see from this book, Neil Loewe didn't make many mistakes, and he was a credit to his profession.
If you want to truly understand what a policeman’s life is like, you need to read this book. Not only is Neil Loewe an excellent writer, but he was a good cop, and a very caring human being. He describes his career honestly, showing the good, the bad, and some of the ugly.
What I really appreciated, we're his discussions at the end of each chapter, describing his mistakes, or how he might have handled situations better. This book makes you realize that it is impossible for every policeman to handle every situation perfectly. As Neil says, every cop is also a human being, trying to do his best, when confronted by the worst in life. From what I could see from this book, Neil Loewe didn't make many mistakes, and he was a credit to his profession.
April 20, 2024
I have always been curious about the mysterious life of a policeman. Thinking of how young most of these men and women are when they start out, the horrific things that they see and the burdens they carry left me thankful and not a little sobered. It is no surprise that the work changed Neil, yet he remained caring and dedicated. He blazed trails in education and in interfacing with the community. I have a new appreciation for the sacrifices made by law enforcement and would love to see this memoir and other career-oriented stories as required reading for high schoolers.
Wow! This was a fast-paced page turner and I was sorry to see it end.
Wow! This was a fast-paced page turner and I was sorry to see it end.
March 29, 2022
I understood that law enforcement changes people. What I Couldn’t Leave Behind, My Career as a Cop explained why. It gave me insight into the mind of an officer. Each day, they dealt with society’s worst behavior that it became ingrained to constantly look for it even when off duty. Even after retirement they are still on guard. The author, Neil Loewe, also shared light and humorous stories of the profession such as the dog story and the sounds of thumping in the basement. An enjoyable, quick read.
February 7, 2024
What I Couldn't Leave Behind
In today's anti police climate this is a must read. The stress, emotions and good memories are all covered. This book shows insight into the career of a police officer from a unique point of view.
In today's anti police climate this is a must read. The stress, emotions and good memories are all covered. This book shows insight into the career of a police officer from a unique point of view.
October 31, 2021
I wish everyone could read this book. It was excellent. He told the story of what it was like be a cop that other police officers can not put into words like he can.
November 19, 2023
For readers that have never been in law enforcement, this book will give you a glimpse of what it is like to be a cop. For my brothers and sisters that wear a badge, you’ll be able to relate.
June 4, 2023
By nature, I’m not particularly drawn to memoirs, but Neil Loewe’s “What I Couldn’t Leave Behind: My Career as a Cop” sounded intriguing. Once I began reading, I devoured this entire eloquently written book within a couple days. Although Mr. Loewe doesn’t mention COPA in his book since he worked in Des Plaines, IL, a Chicago suburb, several years ago the City of Chicago instituted the Civilian Office of Police Accountability. On the nightly news, one sees the split second, life-or-death decisions that police officers often face, typically recorded on the pursuing cops’ own shoulder cameras. The purpose of COPA is to use a freeze frame, armchair quarterback analysis to determine whether certain police actions were justifiable … a luxury, as Mr. Loewe’s memoir so painfully reinforces, that’s almost never available for an officer. Throughout these chapters we ride along with Adam-31, his code name, as he moves from newbie to experienced cop on the force, encountering heartbreaking situations of repeated domestic violence, car accidents, pedestrian deaths, train crashes and plane crashes, and the long-term personal impact these created for this sensitive law officer. Other chapters detail exasperating, but simultaneously humorous situations dealing with entitled drivers, drunks taking a midnight stroll on the expressway, and attempts to tranquilize a stray dog. Highly recommended!
August 9, 2025
Conversation With A Friend
Imagine sitting with a friend as he reminisces about his career. That’s how I felt when reading What I Couldn’t Leave Behind. Neil is a good story teller and I was left wanting to hear more of his stories.
What I wish was different, is that the effects of the job on his personal life were left to the end of the book. I would have preferred to follow the chronology of his personal life over the course of his career, to see how events changed him over time.
Also, he alluded to a bad boss as the book concluded. I would have liked to hear anecdotes about his interactions with that person.
So, it’s a good read. I feel personally connected to the author. And I’d like to hear more from him.
Imagine sitting with a friend as he reminisces about his career. That’s how I felt when reading What I Couldn’t Leave Behind. Neil is a good story teller and I was left wanting to hear more of his stories.
What I wish was different, is that the effects of the job on his personal life were left to the end of the book. I would have preferred to follow the chronology of his personal life over the course of his career, to see how events changed him over time.
Also, he alluded to a bad boss as the book concluded. I would have liked to hear anecdotes about his interactions with that person.
So, it’s a good read. I feel personally connected to the author. And I’d like to hear more from him.
October 5, 2025
Neil Loewe’s memoir, What I Couldn't Leave Behind, offers a fascinating behind-the-scenes look at life on the police force. Told through a series of well-crafted vignettes, each chapter feels like an episode in a compelling TV series—complete with context, tension, and humanity. The writing is straightforward and clear, letting the stories and situations speak for themselves. Loewe brings authenticity and reflection to his years policing the town where he grew up, capturing both the challenges and rewards of the job. A grounded, engaging, and highly readable account of a remarkable career.
June 3, 2024
I found this memoir interesting and really evocative. I have a new respect for what our police members do and have to face in the line of duty. I had not given it much thought about how much a career like this can actually change a person. Neil really comes over as being "one of the good guys" and this read left me hoping there are a lot more like him out there.
October 4, 2023
Good book. I’m a retired street officer, from FWPD. I could relate to a bunch.
February 10, 2024
honest from the heart
The author bared his soul and helped us understand day to day police work without embellishments to make himself appear heroic
The author bared his soul and helped us understand day to day police work without embellishments to make himself appear heroic
July 4, 2024
His compassion and commitment are phenomenal.
Rarely have I read a memoir that was so thought provoking and heartfelt. I could 'see' and 'hear' every moment of each story. I feel as though I rode beside him and later listened to him while drinking a cold one.
Please write another book, you are a true gem.
Rarely have I read a memoir that was so thought provoking and heartfelt. I could 'see' and 'hear' every moment of each story. I feel as though I rode beside him and later listened to him while drinking a cold one.
Please write another book, you are a true gem.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews