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Names for the Dawn
Seasoned Park Ranger Will Avery has found his home in the Denali wilderness, cherishing his solitary routines for the decade leading up to 1991. The trade-off that no one knows of his identity as a transgender man feels worth it for the comforting assurance he finds in the towering glaciers.
Until Will discovers an unexpected passenger in his truck—the visiting wolf biologist everyone in the Park is ecstatic to meet—Nikhil Rajawat.
Nikhil doesn’t return his new colleagues’ fervor. He’s dreamt of Denali for one reason: the pinnacle of his research, and it isn’t anyone’s business that this is the last year he’ll get to chase the wolves. He doesn’t expect to fall for the grisled Ranger who forces him to carry bear spray in the backcountry. Just as Will doesn’t expect to ask Nikhil to share his bed.
But when their dreamlike summer comes to an end, and Nikhil resolutely leaves on a plane bound for India, a devastated Will pretends he didn’t just plead for Nikhil to stay. And one year later, when Nikhil suddenly re-appears in Denali without explanation, Will must decide if Alaska is his solitary refuge—or if perhaps there’s a home somewhere in the world for two.
Until Will discovers an unexpected passenger in his truck—the visiting wolf biologist everyone in the Park is ecstatic to meet—Nikhil Rajawat.
Nikhil doesn’t return his new colleagues’ fervor. He’s dreamt of Denali for one reason: the pinnacle of his research, and it isn’t anyone’s business that this is the last year he’ll get to chase the wolves. He doesn’t expect to fall for the grisled Ranger who forces him to carry bear spray in the backcountry. Just as Will doesn’t expect to ask Nikhil to share his bed.
But when their dreamlike summer comes to an end, and Nikhil resolutely leaves on a plane bound for India, a devastated Will pretends he didn’t just plead for Nikhil to stay. And one year later, when Nikhil suddenly re-appears in Denali without explanation, Will must decide if Alaska is his solitary refuge—or if perhaps there’s a home somewhere in the world for two.
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First published November 16, 2021
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February 8, 2025
O0~00h, my flame / Some things will never change (My Flame - Bobby Caldwell).
Wow, all I can say is… wow! Well, I guess a good ole "hoo boy! works too, but you know, that's kind of corny, so "wow" will have to do for now! How do you review a book where the end of every chapter leaves you heartbroken. The way it captured so perfectly the subjects of loneliness and grief left me awestruck. This book put me through the ringer, and let me tell you, every emotion I’m capable of feeling… well, I felt it. And though it’s true that this was kind of a melancholic read, the tone was important for us to understand why these characters are the way they are. And after wading through all the sadness, the beautiful ending made it all worth it. I’m not too proud to admit that I teared up. The book’s premise is actually pretty simple, we follow a park ranger, Will, as he comes back to work in Denali Borough, Alaska after a bad break up with his former lover Nikhil, a researcher of the local wildlife, and a pretty big deal in certain circles. The book jumps back-and-forth between the “present day,” summer of 1993 and the year prior to understand exactly why they had broken up. I mention this because I’m a little embarrassed to admit that it took me an appallingly long time to realize that there were two timelines, what can I say? I’m terrible with dates. The combination of the simple and blunt prose with the painstakingly relatable subject matter gave the story a raw honesty that made it both hard to continue and impossible to put down. The bittersweet tone is not unlike the movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in the way it uses an interesting narrative structure as a backdrop for examining the relationship between two lovers who can’t help but have a bad case of that classic, “will-they-won’t-they.” But it’s specifically that simplicity that gives it the breathing room to allow us to really care for these characters, and in the end, hope against all odds that they're able to find their happily-ever-after. At the core of it, this novel is really about two lost souls who couldn’t make it work… until they could.
As for the characters, while I loved Nikhil and Will, and they both had complete and satisfying character arcs despite Will being the only point-of-view narration, I think Will was the real standout for me. I especially loved the way his introverted and isolationist nature is explored and how his unwillingness to be vulnerable around other people starts out as a powerful, even admirable, shield, but slowly becomes incredibly corrosive and detrimental to his well-being. The question is asked as to whether or not Will was actually content and happy with his life or if he was so used to survival that he’d just resigned himself to solitude permanently. How letting someone in after years of closing yourself off can be the hardest thing in the world, and allowing them to know, really know, all of you will often be both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. Because of these things, he actually reminded me a little of Ari from Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (guy who’s only read Ari & Dante: hmm getting a lot of Ari & Dante vibes from this), who's one of my favorite characters in all of fiction. Oh, and another thing I loved (I’ve only got things I loved about this book!) was the way it dealt with the character’s relationships with their parents. There’s no preaching about forgiveness and the conflict isn’t wrapped up in a neat little bow by the final pages. It captures the struggle perfectly. The characters know logically that, due to their parent’s treatment of them, that they deserve no consideration, no room for contemplation, but they still can’t help but still have that small part that yearns for their acceptance. It’s very true to real life, but it also shows that there is happiness to be found elsewhere, maybe even in the arms of someone whose love is unconditional. Anyway, this book is everything to me, and all I can really say is that I’m so happy that books like this exist. Oh damn, I’m feeling all the emotions again!
“My fingertips brushed the back of his hand, and I knew that he knew it wasn’t an accident.”
Wow, all I can say is… wow! Well, I guess a good ole "hoo boy! works too, but you know, that's kind of corny, so "wow" will have to do for now! How do you review a book where the end of every chapter leaves you heartbroken. The way it captured so perfectly the subjects of loneliness and grief left me awestruck. This book put me through the ringer, and let me tell you, every emotion I’m capable of feeling… well, I felt it. And though it’s true that this was kind of a melancholic read, the tone was important for us to understand why these characters are the way they are. And after wading through all the sadness, the beautiful ending made it all worth it. I’m not too proud to admit that I teared up. The book’s premise is actually pretty simple, we follow a park ranger, Will, as he comes back to work in Denali Borough, Alaska after a bad break up with his former lover Nikhil, a researcher of the local wildlife, and a pretty big deal in certain circles. The book jumps back-and-forth between the “present day,” summer of 1993 and the year prior to understand exactly why they had broken up. I mention this because I’m a little embarrassed to admit that it took me an appallingly long time to realize that there were two timelines, what can I say? I’m terrible with dates. The combination of the simple and blunt prose with the painstakingly relatable subject matter gave the story a raw honesty that made it both hard to continue and impossible to put down. The bittersweet tone is not unlike the movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in the way it uses an interesting narrative structure as a backdrop for examining the relationship between two lovers who can’t help but have a bad case of that classic, “will-they-won’t-they.” But it’s specifically that simplicity that gives it the breathing room to allow us to really care for these characters, and in the end, hope against all odds that they're able to find their happily-ever-after. At the core of it, this novel is really about two lost souls who couldn’t make it work… until they could.
As for the characters, while I loved Nikhil and Will, and they both had complete and satisfying character arcs despite Will being the only point-of-view narration, I think Will was the real standout for me. I especially loved the way his introverted and isolationist nature is explored and how his unwillingness to be vulnerable around other people starts out as a powerful, even admirable, shield, but slowly becomes incredibly corrosive and detrimental to his well-being. The question is asked as to whether or not Will was actually content and happy with his life or if he was so used to survival that he’d just resigned himself to solitude permanently. How letting someone in after years of closing yourself off can be the hardest thing in the world, and allowing them to know, really know, all of you will often be both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. Because of these things, he actually reminded me a little of Ari from Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (guy who’s only read Ari & Dante: hmm getting a lot of Ari & Dante vibes from this), who's one of my favorite characters in all of fiction. Oh, and another thing I loved (I’ve only got things I loved about this book!) was the way it dealt with the character’s relationships with their parents. There’s no preaching about forgiveness and the conflict isn’t wrapped up in a neat little bow by the final pages. It captures the struggle perfectly. The characters know logically that, due to their parent’s treatment of them, that they deserve no consideration, no room for contemplation, but they still can’t help but still have that small part that yearns for their acceptance. It’s very true to real life, but it also shows that there is happiness to be found elsewhere, maybe even in the arms of someone whose love is unconditional. Anyway, this book is everything to me, and all I can really say is that I’m so happy that books like this exist. Oh damn, I’m feeling all the emotions again!
“My fingertips brushed the back of his hand, and I knew that he knew it wasn’t an accident.”
April 18, 2023
— 3.75 stars ☆
this was an absolutely beautiful, poignant and emotional story of a man who found himself in the wilderness of Alaska. it is the first book i've read which has a trans main character, and i feel the way it's written? the way we can feel the pain of the character, the heartbreak, the desolation, the loneliness, the sheer confusion when he didn't know who he was? it touched me more than anything else.
this is not completely a love story, i'd say. of course, there is the romance between Will and Nikhil which i really enjoyed seeing. but mainly, i felt like it was the growth, the acceptance, the character development that will showed that truly touched so many parts of me because oh my gosh. it was absolutely heartbreaking, the way Will just thought & assumed no one would love him if they knew who he truly was, to the depths of his soul, in his heart. and then Nikhil came along and changed everything for him.
i wouldn't say the romance was a focal point for me and it wasn't something that i loved as much as i expected to, mainly bc of the dual timelines - it made it a little confusing. it was so full of "what-ifs" and i was screaming bc it almost came down to the trope - right person, wrong time - bc that was what Nikhil and Will were, the first time they met. and yet, Nikhil knew his name. 🥺 it was just so profoundly lovely.
Will was so young, terrified, vulnerable. honestly, he was the character i related to the most, felt for the most. that's not to say that i didn't like Nikhil tho. he was put into a position where he didn't know what choices he could make, what choices he had to make. because i could relate to him - Indian society? especially in the 1990s, and even now? is really not accepting of people with varied sexualities. whether they're gay, lesbian or bi is irrelevant. they're just different, and that's always, always, bad. so i could understand how hard it was for Nikhil to even try to come out, why he didn't want to. 😭 it was heartbreaking but i got why.
for me, The Sea Ain't Mine Alone was still more emotional and is still everything to me but this one? there is no comparison between the two because they're almost completely opposite in some ways and yet in others, they're similar. the way the characters find love is beautiful. i do feel like a lot of people would probably love this more than that, yet i was the opposite, lol. this was a lot angstier, but also focused more on healing yourself, staying true to yourself, just being free. and i loved this for that.
thank you so much for pushing it up on my tbr, Lau! <3
this was an absolutely beautiful, poignant and emotional story of a man who found himself in the wilderness of Alaska. it is the first book i've read which has a trans main character, and i feel the way it's written? the way we can feel the pain of the character, the heartbreak, the desolation, the loneliness, the sheer confusion when he didn't know who he was? it touched me more than anything else.
I wasn't hard. I wasn't even there.
I didn't know what the hell I'd been thinking. That I could kid myself into believing something different would happen. That I could just snap my fingers, reach into my boxers, and make myself come the way I'd longed for since I was fifteen - semen dripping over my hand and tented fabric pulled down, a cock springing free.
this is not completely a love story, i'd say. of course, there is the romance between Will and Nikhil which i really enjoyed seeing. but mainly, i felt like it was the growth, the acceptance, the character development that will showed that truly touched so many parts of me because oh my gosh. it was absolutely heartbreaking, the way Will just thought & assumed no one would love him if they knew who he truly was, to the depths of his soul, in his heart. and then Nikhil came along and changed everything for him.
❝I miss you,❞ he breathed, and I froze in place, pain rooting my feet to the floor. Fresh tears filled his eyes, flickering in the shadows, and he stared at an imaginary spot on the wall behind me. ❝I still reach for you when I wake up. I'm positive you'll be there. And then you aren't there. And it's... it's cold... and I wait for you to come back.❞
i wouldn't say the romance was a focal point for me and it wasn't something that i loved as much as i expected to, mainly bc of the dual timelines - it made it a little confusing. it was so full of "what-ifs" and i was screaming bc it almost came down to the trope - right person, wrong time - bc that was what Nikhil and Will were, the first time they met. and yet, Nikhil knew his name. 🥺 it was just so profoundly lovely.
❝I haven’t always looked like this,❞ I wanted to cry, begging somebody to finally hear me, to truly understand. ❝I was young, terrified, and people stared at my face and my chest and they knew–❞
Will was so young, terrified, vulnerable. honestly, he was the character i related to the most, felt for the most. that's not to say that i didn't like Nikhil tho. he was put into a position where he didn't know what choices he could make, what choices he had to make. because i could relate to him - Indian society? especially in the 1990s, and even now? is really not accepting of people with varied sexualities. whether they're gay, lesbian or bi is irrelevant. they're just different, and that's always, always, bad. so i could understand how hard it was for Nikhil to even try to come out, why he didn't want to. 😭 it was heartbreaking but i got why.
for me, The Sea Ain't Mine Alone was still more emotional and is still everything to me but this one? there is no comparison between the two because they're almost completely opposite in some ways and yet in others, they're similar. the way the characters find love is beautiful. i do feel like a lot of people would probably love this more than that, yet i was the opposite, lol. this was a lot angstier, but also focused more on healing yourself, staying true to yourself, just being free. and i loved this for that.
thank you so much for pushing it up on my tbr, Lau! <3
September 8, 2023
I am in complete awe of this book. When I was reading it, hours passed by with me blissfully unaware. When I wasn’t reading it, I was thinking about it constantly and eager to return to it. Names for the dawn follows park ranger Will Avery as his routine life of isolation gets turned upside down when a new face arrives in Denali National Park, renowned wolf biologist, Nikhil Rajawat.
He looked at home there, among the wildflowers. Like the landscape was welcoming his arrival, putting on its best performance just to please him.
I was eleven pages in and had tears in my eyes because of the beautiful writing. I felt instantly transported to Alaska. I was amongst the caribou frolicking and the endless sky above. Atmospheric doesn’t even come close to describing it.
He was the only person who’d ever called me William, not Will, as if he somehow saw the whole of me, my being as a complete person.
Taking place in alternating timelines between 1991 and 1992, we follow the blossoming and breakdown of Will and Nikhil’s friendship and romance. Both men had resigned themselves to a life without a true romantic partnership. Will is a closeted gay trans man who doesn’t want to face the repercussions of what could happen if he were to open that door. Nikhil is a closeted gay man and has family obligations he needs to carefully navigate. Both men try to lose themselves in their work and push down whatever affections start to grow as they spend more time together.
Will’s narrative voice is so strong. I could pick him out of a crowd with ease. He so desperately tries to pack away his wants, his desires, his needs, his pain, his love for Nikhil into neat little boxes for another time. Another lifetime where everything is less complicated. Will and Nikhil are similar in that way, trying to blend in so much that they just end up fading away and forgotten. Colleagues think of them as quiet men without much to say that are intently focused on their jobs, but they don’t want the secrets they hide to unravel the tightly woven structure of their respective lives.
I stepped forward. A twig snapped in half. Nikhil’s gaze shot towards the trees. He spotted me immediately. And he looked at me. Really looked. For the first time since bolting out of my cabin. The man who’d once watched me strip down to my boxers, and who saw me with the lights on, and kissed my chest.
The intimacy shared between Will and Nikhil reminds me of the song, I Will by Mitski. She can speak about it better than I can. I will take good care of you / Everything you feel is good / If you would only let you / I would wash your hair at night / And dry it off with care / I will see your body bare / And still I will live here / So stay with me / Hold my hand / There’s no need / To be brave / And all the quiet nights you bear / Seal them up with care / No one needs to know they’re there / For I will hold them for you / And while you sleep / I’ll be scared / So by the time you wake / I’ll be brave
I wanted a map of every place he’d touched me when I’d been asleep. Every devastating moment I’d missed.
I’m so overwhelmed by how much this book made me feel. From soft touches and kisses that made me giddy, to sobbing my eyes out at being seen and accepted in full by someone for the first time in your life, to the act of having to pretend like the person who means everything to you is nothing more than a co-worker again or even less, a stranger. The tension. The longing. The romance. The angst. The writing. The realness of this story. The beautiful, the terrible and everything in between; it’s all here. What a journey. This book is an absolute triumph.
He looked at home there, among the wildflowers. Like the landscape was welcoming his arrival, putting on its best performance just to please him.
I was eleven pages in and had tears in my eyes because of the beautiful writing. I felt instantly transported to Alaska. I was amongst the caribou frolicking and the endless sky above. Atmospheric doesn’t even come close to describing it.
He was the only person who’d ever called me William, not Will, as if he somehow saw the whole of me, my being as a complete person.
Taking place in alternating timelines between 1991 and 1992, we follow the blossoming and breakdown of Will and Nikhil’s friendship and romance. Both men had resigned themselves to a life without a true romantic partnership. Will is a closeted gay trans man who doesn’t want to face the repercussions of what could happen if he were to open that door. Nikhil is a closeted gay man and has family obligations he needs to carefully navigate. Both men try to lose themselves in their work and push down whatever affections start to grow as they spend more time together.
Will’s narrative voice is so strong. I could pick him out of a crowd with ease. He so desperately tries to pack away his wants, his desires, his needs, his pain, his love for Nikhil into neat little boxes for another time. Another lifetime where everything is less complicated. Will and Nikhil are similar in that way, trying to blend in so much that they just end up fading away and forgotten. Colleagues think of them as quiet men without much to say that are intently focused on their jobs, but they don’t want the secrets they hide to unravel the tightly woven structure of their respective lives.
I stepped forward. A twig snapped in half. Nikhil’s gaze shot towards the trees. He spotted me immediately. And he looked at me. Really looked. For the first time since bolting out of my cabin. The man who’d once watched me strip down to my boxers, and who saw me with the lights on, and kissed my chest.
The intimacy shared between Will and Nikhil reminds me of the song, I Will by Mitski. She can speak about it better than I can. I will take good care of you / Everything you feel is good / If you would only let you / I would wash your hair at night / And dry it off with care / I will see your body bare / And still I will live here / So stay with me / Hold my hand / There’s no need / To be brave / And all the quiet nights you bear / Seal them up with care / No one needs to know they’re there / For I will hold them for you / And while you sleep / I’ll be scared / So by the time you wake / I’ll be brave
I wanted a map of every place he’d touched me when I’d been asleep. Every devastating moment I’d missed.
I’m so overwhelmed by how much this book made me feel. From soft touches and kisses that made me giddy, to sobbing my eyes out at being seen and accepted in full by someone for the first time in your life, to the act of having to pretend like the person who means everything to you is nothing more than a co-worker again or even less, a stranger. The tension. The longing. The romance. The angst. The writing. The realness of this story. The beautiful, the terrible and everything in between; it’s all here. What a journey. This book is an absolute triumph.
May 1, 2023
Powerful, touching and vulnerable, Names for the Dawn is one of those books that aim at your heart to stay. I’ve been meaning to read a book with trans representation for a while and, although it was a hard journey, I’m extremely glad I waited for this one.
Will has been on his own since he had to run away from home, saying goodbye to a father who was unable to love him unconditionally. Not even gay men see him as their equal. Running from gossip, he lives all winter alone in a cabin in the middle of nowhere and works in a National Park during the summer.
Will has resigned himself to live without knowing what it's like to share his existence with someone who loves him back, but at least he’s living true to himself. Until he meets Nick, and all his world stops.
The ten long years, the months and months I had spent alone within those four walls–nobody to talk to, nobody to hear me come home, nobody to eat with–they seemed like a dream that I’d woken up from the moment I saw Nikhil walk inside. Like all those dark nights had been only the first page of a book–the same one read over and over–and now I could finally read the rest.
While there is romance, Names for the Dawn is primarily Will’s story. It’s about his struggles being a trans man in a society not ready to accept him, the shock of finding someone who loved him exactly the way he was, only to be left alone again. It’s about finding a way to forgive, to heal and love again.
There is a reason why it took me so long to read a book with a trans MC, I had a feeling it was going to hurt–and it did. There was a moment where the pain was so piercing I felt like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Everything was gray and cloudy and I ended up having to put the book on hold for a couple of days before coming back to it. But as much as I hate being sad, it was worth every single tear for it’s not a book I’ll ever forget.
I’m someone who prefers a heartwarming romance, sea and banter–like The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone, also by this author–over mountains, aching and comfortable love, but I can see why most readers preferred this one. I can appreciate a more heartbreaking story as long as there is always hope for a happy ending, and Names for the Dawn is one of the best I’ve ever read. I really appreciate when authors decide to write a story as hard as this one without making it feel like a black hole; even the hardest scenes gave you something to hold on too.
I adored Will with all my heart, he felt so human it was difficult to remember everything I was reading was fiction. I only wanted him to be okay, which it’s why I never quite loved Nick the same way. I hated him every time he dared to hurt Will, even if Nick also had his demons to face and he tried his best to eventually be Will’s wildest dream.
“I haven’t always looked like this,” I wanted to cry, begging somebody to finally hear me, to truly understand. “I was young, terrified, and people stared at my face and my chest and they knew–”
As a side note, the author identified himself as a cis woman when he started writing the book but getting into Will’s head to write the book made him realize he’s actually a trans man. Which means this is trans rep written by a trans author.
I’d highly recommend Names for the Dawn if you are looking for a not so easy story between two men finding a home in each other, written in a way that makes everything resonate. Will and Nick’s love was more about feeling understood than having witty conversations, more about comfort than sparks, but it was as beautiful as any.
Our hands were incredibly close where they rested on the freezing metal of the truck. It was a moment I had quietly dreamed of for years–someone allowing me to show them what I thought was the most beautiful view in all the world. Being alone with me in the dark. Showing the stars that I wasn’t alone.
Will has been on his own since he had to run away from home, saying goodbye to a father who was unable to love him unconditionally. Not even gay men see him as their equal. Running from gossip, he lives all winter alone in a cabin in the middle of nowhere and works in a National Park during the summer.
Will has resigned himself to live without knowing what it's like to share his existence with someone who loves him back, but at least he’s living true to himself. Until he meets Nick, and all his world stops.
The ten long years, the months and months I had spent alone within those four walls–nobody to talk to, nobody to hear me come home, nobody to eat with–they seemed like a dream that I’d woken up from the moment I saw Nikhil walk inside. Like all those dark nights had been only the first page of a book–the same one read over and over–and now I could finally read the rest.
While there is romance, Names for the Dawn is primarily Will’s story. It’s about his struggles being a trans man in a society not ready to accept him, the shock of finding someone who loved him exactly the way he was, only to be left alone again. It’s about finding a way to forgive, to heal and love again.
There is a reason why it took me so long to read a book with a trans MC, I had a feeling it was going to hurt–and it did. There was a moment where the pain was so piercing I felt like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Everything was gray and cloudy and I ended up having to put the book on hold for a couple of days before coming back to it. But as much as I hate being sad, it was worth every single tear for it’s not a book I’ll ever forget.
I’m someone who prefers a heartwarming romance, sea and banter–like The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone, also by this author–over mountains, aching and comfortable love, but I can see why most readers preferred this one. I can appreciate a more heartbreaking story as long as there is always hope for a happy ending, and Names for the Dawn is one of the best I’ve ever read. I really appreciate when authors decide to write a story as hard as this one without making it feel like a black hole; even the hardest scenes gave you something to hold on too.
I adored Will with all my heart, he felt so human it was difficult to remember everything I was reading was fiction. I only wanted him to be okay, which it’s why I never quite loved Nick the same way. I hated him every time he dared to hurt Will, even if Nick also had his demons to face and he tried his best to eventually be Will’s wildest dream.
“I haven’t always looked like this,” I wanted to cry, begging somebody to finally hear me, to truly understand. “I was young, terrified, and people stared at my face and my chest and they knew–”
As a side note, the author identified himself as a cis woman when he started writing the book but getting into Will’s head to write the book made him realize he’s actually a trans man. Which means this is trans rep written by a trans author.
I’d highly recommend Names for the Dawn if you are looking for a not so easy story between two men finding a home in each other, written in a way that makes everything resonate. Will and Nick’s love was more about feeling understood than having witty conversations, more about comfort than sparks, but it was as beautiful as any.
Our hands were incredibly close where they rested on the freezing metal of the truck. It was a moment I had quietly dreamed of for years–someone allowing me to show them what I thought was the most beautiful view in all the world. Being alone with me in the dark. Showing the stars that I wasn’t alone.
November 19, 2021
Names For The Dawn is a phenomenal book, between a trans man, Will, and a Closeted Gay Man, Kikhil working together to document the wolf population in Denali National Park. I will add the book setting, which is between 1991 and 1992. The author did a lot of research for this era in time.
I always love the beauty of relationship growth, torn apart, built back again with healing. It’s emotional and always raw. The author is very talented, and I felt every single emotion.
As much as I was captivated and read this book in one day, I had to stop a few times to reflect; the pain, these two had to endure and the realistic topics the book touches. Opens your mind and makes you think.
If you're looking for a fluffy and lite read, this is not for you, and that is okay. Names For Dawn is a must-read book. Trust me, it’s very much your time and read. We need more books like this one.
I always love the beauty of relationship growth, torn apart, built back again with healing. It’s emotional and always raw. The author is very talented, and I felt every single emotion.
As much as I was captivated and read this book in one day, I had to stop a few times to reflect; the pain, these two had to endure and the realistic topics the book touches. Opens your mind and makes you think.
If you're looking for a fluffy and lite read, this is not for you, and that is okay. Names For Dawn is a must-read book. Trust me, it’s very much your time and read. We need more books like this one.
June 14, 2022
An astoundingly well-written romance set in early 1990s Alaska about a gay trans white American park ranger and gay Pakistani-Indian wolf biologist. The richness of the characters and strong sense of place made for an unforgettable read. It’s rare for me to try to make a novel last even longer so it won’t end, even more rare to experience a book hangover. I simply did not want to leave Will and Nikhil behind.
I’m going to try to be more measured here but on the inside, I’m jumping up and down in excitement with how much I loved this, clutching the story to my chest. It’s truly one of the best romances I’ve ever read. How much did I love it? I borrowed it from KU, then promptly purchased it in both ebook and paperback. Reading felt like a a precious, sacred experience and I needed to sit with it for a while before I could even attempt this review. My words will not be able do it justice. C.L. Beaumont deserves all the recognition!
Will has forged the life he wants, to a degree. He’s a park ranger. He’s living as the man he always knew he was. But no one knows that he’s trans or gay, not even his best friend Gina. He’s deeply closeted, steeled for rejection at every turn. The isolated landscape mirrored how Will has isolated himself. He spends the winters in a remote cabin in the park by himself and then reemerges for the summer season. Even then, he doesn’t interact much with the other employees. Will wants to be seen but the risks are real and he doesn't believe he'll ever be loved. And then he meets Nikhil, much lauded in his field and in Denali for research. Nikhil is isolated in his own ways too.
The story alternates between the summer they met and one year later. We know something tore them apart but not what or how that barrier will be overcome. The structure really paid off for me. I felt so deeply for Will and Nikhil, completely invested in how they could possibly get to their HEA. It's strange to say but it was an honor to watch Will fall in love and be loved by Nikhil in return. Their intimacy built in such lovely, thoughtful ways, making for one satisfying romance. My heart is so full.I was riveted as the story unfolded and I could have easily read 100 more pages.
Names for the Dawn is the angsty book I've been longing for. This is a languorous, interior book. It’s not that things don’t happen; how the characters feel about these situations matters more. It made me cry several times—my highest praise. This was heart-wrenching and then some and not always in ways I might have guessed.
What impressed me beyond the characterization and structure was the writing itself. I highlighted and re-read so many passages, just taking them in. It’s not just that the writing itself is beautiful, although it absolutely is. It’s the way Beaumont writes with care for his readers. There’s nary an emotionally manipulative plot choice. Everything that happened felt earned. I was able to trust where the author was taking me, even when he was ripping my heart out. I will be consuming his backlist promptly.
This deals directly with transphobia and homophobia, largely in the past or what could happen in the future. (See content notes for more details. I’m a cishet woman; please check out this review from a trans man.) Will regularly tries to make sense of his past relationship with his father before he was rejected, trying to square up his vision of who he thought his dad was and the way this impacted what he thought of his gender. As mentioned, Beaumont writes with care for both his characters and his readers. Will is scared of risking any kind of vulnerability and Nikhil has his own concerns. Finding love will not automatically undo all those insecurities and self-protective measures, nor does it mean potential bigotry isn’t a concern in the early 1990s. However, the focus is more on Will slowly moving toward others and experiencing Nikhil’s complete acceptance of who he is. This made for so many moving scenes. The makeshift harness! Watching Will experience romantic love for the first time and the way they looked after each other was everything.
As much as I want to gush about so many parts this book, I also want you to experience them for yourself so I’ll leave it at that. It’s the kind of story that you can just let unfold and let things be revealed in their own time. However, I do want to address two content warnings for those who may want them. One is foreshadowed within the story. The other one is not foreshadowed, largely because it’s about Nikhil and this is told from only Will’s perspective.
I’ll be bringing up this wonderful romance to everyone for some time to come. My only hope is that more people will read it. All my gratitude to M, whose Goodreads review put it on my radar back in January. I only wish I'd read it straightaway!
Characters: Will is a 41 year old white gay trans park ranger with a beard. He’s a virgin. Malamute Lugnut technically belongs to the park but they have a special connection and he’s basically his pet dog anyway. Nikhil is a Pakistani-Indian gay wolf biologist—I believe he’s in his 30s. This is set in 1991-2 Denali, Alaska.
Content notes: closeted MCs (no forced outing), panic attacks, anxiety, insomnia, nightmare, past suicidal ideation, death of pet dog (old age), substance abuse , past transphobia , societal homophobia (concern of what might happen if Will’s coworkers knew, homosexuality is illegal in India), family estrangement, past child abuse , Nikhil left his family as a young teen for boarding school in England and has lived apart from them ever since, body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, weight loss/body commentary, sexual shame related to being trans (explicitly countered by Nikhil), past racism and bullying at school, past corporal punishment at school, testosterone injections, scars from top surgery, medical calls as part of Will’s job, mental health stigma on Will’s part (countered by Nikhil), thwarted grizzly bear attack, off page animal death (including wolf cub), secondary character becomes pregnant and gives birth off-page, masturbation, on page sex, pegging, consensual somnophilia, alcohol, inebriation (secondary character), cocaine, cigarette references, brief cissexist language, ableist language, mentions of Nikhil’s mom fleeing Pakistan during Partition and the death of her whole family, reference to a fatphobic joke (countered), reference to sister’s teen pregnancy
*Buddy read with Vicky!
I’m going to try to be more measured here but on the inside, I’m jumping up and down in excitement with how much I loved this, clutching the story to my chest. It’s truly one of the best romances I’ve ever read. How much did I love it? I borrowed it from KU, then promptly purchased it in both ebook and paperback. Reading felt like a a precious, sacred experience and I needed to sit with it for a while before I could even attempt this review. My words will not be able do it justice. C.L. Beaumont deserves all the recognition!
Will has forged the life he wants, to a degree. He’s a park ranger. He’s living as the man he always knew he was. But no one knows that he’s trans or gay, not even his best friend Gina. He’s deeply closeted, steeled for rejection at every turn. The isolated landscape mirrored how Will has isolated himself. He spends the winters in a remote cabin in the park by himself and then reemerges for the summer season. Even then, he doesn’t interact much with the other employees. Will wants to be seen but the risks are real and he doesn't believe he'll ever be loved. And then he meets Nikhil, much lauded in his field and in Denali for research. Nikhil is isolated in his own ways too.
The story alternates between the summer they met and one year later. We know something tore them apart but not what or how that barrier will be overcome. The structure really paid off for me. I felt so deeply for Will and Nikhil, completely invested in how they could possibly get to their HEA. It's strange to say but it was an honor to watch Will fall in love and be loved by Nikhil in return. Their intimacy built in such lovely, thoughtful ways, making for one satisfying romance. My heart is so full.I was riveted as the story unfolded and I could have easily read 100 more pages.
Names for the Dawn is the angsty book I've been longing for. This is a languorous, interior book. It’s not that things don’t happen; how the characters feel about these situations matters more. It made me cry several times—my highest praise. This was heart-wrenching and then some and not always in ways I might have guessed.
What impressed me beyond the characterization and structure was the writing itself. I highlighted and re-read so many passages, just taking them in. It’s not just that the writing itself is beautiful, although it absolutely is. It’s the way Beaumont writes with care for his readers. There’s nary an emotionally manipulative plot choice. Everything that happened felt earned. I was able to trust where the author was taking me, even when he was ripping my heart out. I will be consuming his backlist promptly.
This deals directly with transphobia and homophobia, largely in the past or what could happen in the future. (See content notes for more details. I’m a cishet woman; please check out this review from a trans man.) Will regularly tries to make sense of his past relationship with his father before he was rejected, trying to square up his vision of who he thought his dad was and the way this impacted what he thought of his gender. As mentioned, Beaumont writes with care for both his characters and his readers. Will is scared of risking any kind of vulnerability and Nikhil has his own concerns. Finding love will not automatically undo all those insecurities and self-protective measures, nor does it mean potential bigotry isn’t a concern in the early 1990s. However, the focus is more on Will slowly moving toward others and experiencing Nikhil’s complete acceptance of who he is. This made for so many moving scenes. The makeshift harness! Watching Will experience romantic love for the first time and the way they looked after each other was everything.
As much as I want to gush about so many parts this book, I also want you to experience them for yourself so I’ll leave it at that. It’s the kind of story that you can just let unfold and let things be revealed in their own time. However, I do want to address two content warnings for those who may want them. One is foreshadowed within the story. The other one is not foreshadowed, largely because it’s about Nikhil and this is told from only Will’s perspective.
I’ll be bringing up this wonderful romance to everyone for some time to come. My only hope is that more people will read it. All my gratitude to M, whose Goodreads review put it on my radar back in January. I only wish I'd read it straightaway!
Characters: Will is a 41 year old white gay trans park ranger with a beard. He’s a virgin. Malamute Lugnut technically belongs to the park but they have a special connection and he’s basically his pet dog anyway. Nikhil is a Pakistani-Indian gay wolf biologist—I believe he’s in his 30s. This is set in 1991-2 Denali, Alaska.
Content notes: closeted MCs (no forced outing), panic attacks, anxiety, insomnia, nightmare, past suicidal ideation, death of pet dog (old age), substance abuse , past transphobia , societal homophobia (concern of what might happen if Will’s coworkers knew, homosexuality is illegal in India), family estrangement, past child abuse , Nikhil left his family as a young teen for boarding school in England and has lived apart from them ever since, body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, weight loss/body commentary, sexual shame related to being trans (explicitly countered by Nikhil), past racism and bullying at school, past corporal punishment at school, testosterone injections, scars from top surgery, medical calls as part of Will’s job, mental health stigma on Will’s part (countered by Nikhil), thwarted grizzly bear attack, off page animal death (including wolf cub), secondary character becomes pregnant and gives birth off-page, masturbation, on page sex, pegging, consensual somnophilia, alcohol, inebriation (secondary character), cocaine, cigarette references, brief cissexist language, ableist language, mentions of Nikhil’s mom fleeing Pakistan during Partition and the death of her whole family, reference to a fatphobic joke (countered), reference to sister’s teen pregnancy
*Buddy read with Vicky!
June 20, 2022
Updated review; first-reaction below the line.
I had to sit with this book before I tried to write about it. I really wanted to write a good review. Not “good” as in, “this book is really good” (it is, but the 5 stars speak for themselves). “Good” as in: helpful, illuminating, something that could convince anyone stumbling across this review to give the book a try.
Maybe I could write about the impeccable character of Will, our narrator, with his crystalline intelligence, deep loyalty, and tenacious ability to love and trust that was never quite extinguished despite all that life threw at him; and Nikhil, Will’s love, whose pride, razor-sharp intellect, and pragmatic compassion is paired with stubbornness, secrecy, and a sincere (if possibly misplaced) sense of duty. Maybe I could write about the seamless execution of the dual timeline, interspersed with flashbacks to Will’s childhood and Nikhil’s telling of his own struggles, and how it pulls us along and keeps us utterly invested in this quiet, intensely insular story. Maybe I could mention how Denali, the national park where Will works and Nikhil does his wolf research, is so magnificently described that it is not just a setting but practically a character in the story, which makes reading this an almost tangible, embodied experience. Maybe I could talk about the way the early 1990s feels, not just like another century, but another planet; and how this book captures the loneliness of being different, broke, isolated, and scared in a time before the internet with its easy access to information and (for all its faults) the possibility of a community and connection to others like you.
But none of my attempts felt good enough. And then I realized that it’s because I was trying to write a review worthy of the book it is about. And in this case, for me and this book, that is an impossible task.
We all have those books that live in our hearts and minds and (if you’re into this sort of thing) souls. For Real is one of those books for me. Normal People. The Song of Achilles. I’m not comparing Names for the Dawn to those books, or for that matter, those books to each other. They’re all very different books doing very different things. But you know that feeling when a book grabs you from page one, when you are completely absorbed, utterly defenseless, enraptured and dumbfounded and feeling all the emotions and so immersed that you can’t put it down and so devastated that it’s going to end and you know you’ll never, ever be able to read it for the first time again? And you want to scream from the rooftops about how wonderful this book is, how it touched your soul (if you’re into that sort of thing), how everyone needs to read it, but at the same time you want to hold it close because it feels like it was written just for you and you want to protect it from people who may not love it as much as you do? You know that feeling when a book just works in every way for you, and you can’t even articulate why, because what it boils down to is just lovelovelove and thankyouthankyouthankyou? That. All that.
So. This isn’t very helpful or illuminating. But hopefully it will convince someone stumbling across this review to give the book a try. And I hope you love it as much as I did.
CWs: physically and emotionally abusive parental relationship (in flashback); traumatic coming out scene (in flashback); panic attacks; addiction (mostly in flashback, on-page relapse); death of beloved pet from old age; homophobia and transphobia (mostly in flashback or internalized)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This book.
THIS BOOK.
I'm speechless. I'm drained. I'm filled with joy and admiration and peace.
One of the most moving, beautiful books I've ever read.
I haven't ugly cried this hard since Song of Achilles.
A masterpiece.
You found me, I thought. I squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back. I wanted the petals to carry me up to the clouds. Let Hercules point his staff to the little pinprick of myself running in the dark to Gillette. And I would appear there in the road, I would take my own hands, and I would say, filled with assurance, "Will, someone is looking for you."
😭😭😭💜💜💜💜💜
Heartfelt thanks to Leigh and Vicky for the rec!
I had to sit with this book before I tried to write about it. I really wanted to write a good review. Not “good” as in, “this book is really good” (it is, but the 5 stars speak for themselves). “Good” as in: helpful, illuminating, something that could convince anyone stumbling across this review to give the book a try.
Maybe I could write about the impeccable character of Will, our narrator, with his crystalline intelligence, deep loyalty, and tenacious ability to love and trust that was never quite extinguished despite all that life threw at him; and Nikhil, Will’s love, whose pride, razor-sharp intellect, and pragmatic compassion is paired with stubbornness, secrecy, and a sincere (if possibly misplaced) sense of duty. Maybe I could write about the seamless execution of the dual timeline, interspersed with flashbacks to Will’s childhood and Nikhil’s telling of his own struggles, and how it pulls us along and keeps us utterly invested in this quiet, intensely insular story. Maybe I could mention how Denali, the national park where Will works and Nikhil does his wolf research, is so magnificently described that it is not just a setting but practically a character in the story, which makes reading this an almost tangible, embodied experience. Maybe I could talk about the way the early 1990s feels, not just like another century, but another planet; and how this book captures the loneliness of being different, broke, isolated, and scared in a time before the internet with its easy access to information and (for all its faults) the possibility of a community and connection to others like you.
But none of my attempts felt good enough. And then I realized that it’s because I was trying to write a review worthy of the book it is about. And in this case, for me and this book, that is an impossible task.
We all have those books that live in our hearts and minds and (if you’re into this sort of thing) souls. For Real is one of those books for me. Normal People. The Song of Achilles. I’m not comparing Names for the Dawn to those books, or for that matter, those books to each other. They’re all very different books doing very different things. But you know that feeling when a book grabs you from page one, when you are completely absorbed, utterly defenseless, enraptured and dumbfounded and feeling all the emotions and so immersed that you can’t put it down and so devastated that it’s going to end and you know you’ll never, ever be able to read it for the first time again? And you want to scream from the rooftops about how wonderful this book is, how it touched your soul (if you’re into that sort of thing), how everyone needs to read it, but at the same time you want to hold it close because it feels like it was written just for you and you want to protect it from people who may not love it as much as you do? You know that feeling when a book just works in every way for you, and you can’t even articulate why, because what it boils down to is just lovelovelove and thankyouthankyouthankyou? That. All that.
So. This isn’t very helpful or illuminating. But hopefully it will convince someone stumbling across this review to give the book a try. And I hope you love it as much as I did.
CWs: physically and emotionally abusive parental relationship (in flashback); traumatic coming out scene (in flashback); panic attacks; addiction (mostly in flashback, on-page relapse); death of beloved pet from old age; homophobia and transphobia (mostly in flashback or internalized)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This book.
THIS BOOK.
I'm speechless. I'm drained. I'm filled with joy and admiration and peace.
One of the most moving, beautiful books I've ever read.
I haven't ugly cried this hard since Song of Achilles.
A masterpiece.
You found me, I thought. I squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back. I wanted the petals to carry me up to the clouds. Let Hercules point his staff to the little pinprick of myself running in the dark to Gillette. And I would appear there in the road, I would take my own hands, and I would say, filled with assurance, "Will, someone is looking for you."
😭😭😭💜💜💜💜💜
Heartfelt thanks to Leigh and Vicky for the rec!
June 28, 2022
This is my second read by this author, and once again, the prose is lovely, at times lyrical, the burn is slow, and the characters' emotions carry the story.
The timeline of Will Avery's evolution and relationship is split into two long summers - two years one after the other when wolf biologist Nikhil Rajawat comes into his professional and then personal life, and changes everything. I wasn't entirely sold on the alternating, non-linear structure of the book. I thought that it perforce foreshadowed some emotional crises by giving us year two mixed into year one, and that took a little of the impact out of them when they happened on the page. But that's a quibble, in a book I stayed up way too late reading.
As the book opens we have Will, an extreme loner who spends his winters isolated and his summers in the Denali wilderness as a Ranger, encountering Nikhil. Although Will has not followed the science community, he discovers that Nikhil (known to most as Nik Raj) is an elite, almost revered scientist, whose understanding of wolves is considered close to mystical. Nikhil is also silent, focused, sometimes abrasive, and aloof.
Which makes him a reasonable partner for the silent and detached Will. Until something begins to happen between them.
Both men are hiding a complex past of traumas, losses, wins and failures. Both have faced physical abuse in that past. Both have fashioned the man they are now, in a need to escape that past. And their reveal to each other, the build of trust, and of desire, is a slow, subtle, inexorable process. The author does a lovely job of giving us revelations in their time, and leading the relationship forward, against the beauty and harshness of the Alaska wilderness.
And while I can't speak personally to the authenticity of the transgender portrait here, it feels very believable (and trans readers in reviews seem to approve.) Highly recommended for patient readers who love the slow unfolding of a character and a relationship, to a hard-won HEA.
The timeline of Will Avery's evolution and relationship is split into two long summers - two years one after the other when wolf biologist Nikhil Rajawat comes into his professional and then personal life, and changes everything. I wasn't entirely sold on the alternating, non-linear structure of the book. I thought that it perforce foreshadowed some emotional crises by giving us year two mixed into year one, and that took a little of the impact out of them when they happened on the page. But that's a quibble, in a book I stayed up way too late reading.
As the book opens we have Will, an extreme loner who spends his winters isolated and his summers in the Denali wilderness as a Ranger, encountering Nikhil. Although Will has not followed the science community, he discovers that Nikhil (known to most as Nik Raj) is an elite, almost revered scientist, whose understanding of wolves is considered close to mystical. Nikhil is also silent, focused, sometimes abrasive, and aloof.
Which makes him a reasonable partner for the silent and detached Will. Until something begins to happen between them.
Both men are hiding a complex past of traumas, losses, wins and failures. Both have faced physical abuse in that past. Both have fashioned the man they are now, in a need to escape that past. And their reveal to each other, the build of trust, and of desire, is a slow, subtle, inexorable process. The author does a lovely job of giving us revelations in their time, and leading the relationship forward, against the beauty and harshness of the Alaska wilderness.
And while I can't speak personally to the authenticity of the transgender portrait here, it feels very believable (and trans readers in reviews seem to approve.) Highly recommended for patient readers who love the slow unfolding of a character and a relationship, to a hard-won HEA.
November 21, 2021
I don’t even know where to start on writing a review for this. I felt impatient some times while reading and skipped some lines between dialogue. But while the story was distracting me, Will was digging a hole into my heart and it wasn’t until I put the book down for a break that I’d noticed, and felt the impact of his emotions like a weight in my chest.
I would put the skipping sentences part down to a weird mood I’ve been in and not the quality of this story. C. L. Beaumont has the most beautiful writing I’ve ever read, and there’s such a distinct feel to it that I feel like I could recognise it anywhere.
This story itself isn’t a particularly sad one, but reading and experiencing Will’s gender dysphoria was heartbreaking. I loved Will and would move mountains to give him everything he wanted in life. I didn’t care much for NIkhil at the beginning of the story, but as his and Will’s romance blossomed and we saw all he helped do for Will, it really made him grow on me. Gina was an incredible side character and I really loved her too.
I don’t think C. L. Beaumont will ever write anything that won’t leave an imprint on my heart, and I cannot wait to see what other works he’ll come out with in the future.
I would put the skipping sentences part down to a weird mood I’ve been in and not the quality of this story. C. L. Beaumont has the most beautiful writing I’ve ever read, and there’s such a distinct feel to it that I feel like I could recognise it anywhere.
This story itself isn’t a particularly sad one, but reading and experiencing Will’s gender dysphoria was heartbreaking. I loved Will and would move mountains to give him everything he wanted in life. I didn’t care much for NIkhil at the beginning of the story, but as his and Will’s romance blossomed and we saw all he helped do for Will, it really made him grow on me. Gina was an incredible side character and I really loved her too.
I don’t think C. L. Beaumont will ever write anything that won’t leave an imprint on my heart, and I cannot wait to see what other works he’ll come out with in the future.
February 28, 2025
This has possibly been the most emotionally 'authentic' transmasc romance I've read to date (but I've not read all that many). Will is a wonderfully complex character with deep-seated emotional traumas who's thrown together with another repressed and broken individual in Nick. And it was a slow burn but fascinating journey to see how these two prickly and standoffish individuals make small but sure connections with each other in the remote silences and solitude of the Alaskan wilderness.
What didn't work for me at all was the flipping back and forth timelines (mirroring effect) of the plot ... it confused the hell out of me at first and I thought there had been a major editing disaster until I went back to the table of contents to discover that the discombobulating effect was planned! I was sorely tempted to alternate-read the chapters according to the actual timeline but decided that was too much work in the end.
The HEA finale truly warmed the 'cockles of my heart' and the final sentence left me emotionally replete - the author will be an auto-buy for me from now on. 4.5 stars.
What didn't work for me at all was the flipping back and forth timelines (mirroring effect) of the plot ... it confused the hell out of me at first and I thought there had been a major editing disaster until I went back to the table of contents to discover that the discombobulating effect was planned! I was sorely tempted to alternate-read the chapters according to the actual timeline but decided that was too much work in the end.
The HEA finale truly warmed the 'cockles of my heart' and the final sentence left me emotionally replete - the author will be an auto-buy for me from now on. 4.5 stars.
December 8, 2021
Authentic alone.
Shattered made whole together.
Wolves. They mate for life.
Shattered made whole together.
Wolves. They mate for life.
April 14, 2023
“He was looking at me like I was powerful, strong and desirable, like nothing was missing. I felt too huge and too small all at once, too broad and too fragile. I thought that maybe I had been wrong, and I had never truly met myself. Because Nikhil must have been seeing a man that I had never seen, never even imagined. And in that moment, I trusted his reality more than mine. He had just knelt at my feet and tasted plastic like it was real, like it wasn’t embarrassing. I trusted him with anything.”
It’s not very often that I read a book which makes me want to write a review. And even rarer that a book this beautifully written doesn’t manage to pull me from the plot so i can at the very least highlight a few quotes for me to mention in my review.
Yeah. Exactly. This book was so extremely beautifully written and chock full of extremely poignant quotes but it was so authentic, so natural that it didn’t feel… flashy. Most of the time with books written is a more lyrical way it feels like the characters say something beautiful and then pause so you can bask in it for a while. I doubt im making much sense here as i try to explain this but, bottom line is that i couldn’t fucking stop reading. Beautiful quotes flowed into even more heartbreaking scenarios. And i gobbled it upppp.
“You don’t know who I used to be,” I said in a strangled voice. “It’s all a lie.”
“No,” he said. “It is not a lie.”
This is only my second or third time reading a book with a trans protagonist and they hurt so much everytime i read them. These books are as much an exploration of self as they are a love story, a romance. At their heart they’re a strongly character driven story.
I’ve read hundreds of books and I’ve come to realise a majority of them, especially recently, have been carelessly written. They lack a certain heart. It’s quantity over quality, short books with an abundance of tropes and cookie cutter characters to the point where if I jumbled the protagonists in the last five contemporaries I’ve read, the story would remain the exact same. Not this one.
This book is so special to me. I love books only as much as i love the characters. And I loved these characters so much. It’s simple, really. The more time i spend with the characters, the more i love them. It makes perfect sense. And yet i do not mean how many pages i spend with them. It’s about how much time i spend in their head, how much I’ve learnt about them, their fears, their goals, their insecurities, their regrets. What they’ve lost, what they’ve sacrificed, what they’ve gained.
I’ve grown tired of books where all the angst comes from external factors like a big bad villain or a fucking pregnancy. It’s books like these with angst like this that I wholeheartedly love. Angst that comes from the characters and how they interact with each other. Angst that pushes them closer and makes them grow, makes them trust and rely on each other. A story that left the characters better people, more themselves and more content than when it began. Will and Nikhil grew into themselves over the course of the story.
“And there I was. Last man standing. Still tall and alive after everyone had left. The freedom and independence I’d given up everything just to have.”
My time spent reading this book felt like i spent it all with Will himself. In his head and in Denali. It felt like a warm hug at times and at times i could feel my heart being stepped on and chopped up. We didn’t have an endless stream of conversations where we jumped from dialogue to dialogue of impersonal talk where i could barely understand what our own protagonist was feeling. I felt Will. I felt his emotions and i understood his thoughts. And I truly loved him. We’re friends now.
“I wondered if the stars had ever noticed I’d changed. If I was too far away, and all they saw was the same hazy outline that I’d always been. Whether they had rejoiced with me when my beard first started to grow in, the thicker hair on my legs, the new line of my jaw. The only eyes I could never run away from, etched permanently above me. The only eyes who could never look away from me, even if they tried.”
I was a little hesitant when I saw that this book had two alternating timelines since i always feel abruptly ripped out of the narrative everytime we switch. And sure it did feel a bit jarring at times since I was more invested in one than the other, but i truly believe this book wouldn’t have had as much of an impact if it was written any other way. So don’t let that hold you back.
“I miss you,” he breathed, and I froze in place, pain rooting my feet to the floor. Fresh tears filled his eyes, flickering in the shadows, and he stared at an imaginary spot on the wall behind me. “I still reach for you when I wake up. I’m positive you’ll be there. And then you aren’t there. And it’s . . . it’s cold . . . and I wait for you to come back.”
Oh and the fact that Nikhil is Indian. Delicious. I’ve recently had a craving for Indian protagonists but haven’t really gone out of my way to look for book so the fact that this just happened to drop into my lap was serendipity. And obviously, me being Indian myself i felt a default connection to Nikhil. His sense of responsibility is so utterly familiar even though we grew up very differently. And its so rare for me to see someone like myself in the books that i read.
“And I wanted to scream to the stars that I had made myself with my own grit and nobody’s help. That I never wished my name had been Theodore instead. That my father’s younger daughter was dead—killed by my own hands. That I was a Ranger, and I didn’t miss Wyoming with any part of my soul. That even now, after everything, I didn’t mind staying back in the dark if it meant that I could be me.”
Also, wolves are my second favourite animal so i got a good kick out of that part of the story as well! And Denali was so beautifully described, the setting was so unique and I thoroughly loved it <3 it was so healing in a way.
And the supporting cast was so extremely loveable too. I only wish we had more of the story to read. I also made the mistake of reading this during my lecture yesterday and had to hold back desperate tears in the middle of class lmao.
TL;DR read this book. And if you haven’t read a book with a trans protagonist before, this is a great place to start. I hope you love it as much as I did <3
It’s not very often that I read a book which makes me want to write a review. And even rarer that a book this beautifully written doesn’t manage to pull me from the plot so i can at the very least highlight a few quotes for me to mention in my review.
Yeah. Exactly. This book was so extremely beautifully written and chock full of extremely poignant quotes but it was so authentic, so natural that it didn’t feel… flashy. Most of the time with books written is a more lyrical way it feels like the characters say something beautiful and then pause so you can bask in it for a while. I doubt im making much sense here as i try to explain this but, bottom line is that i couldn’t fucking stop reading. Beautiful quotes flowed into even more heartbreaking scenarios. And i gobbled it upppp.
“You don’t know who I used to be,” I said in a strangled voice. “It’s all a lie.”
“No,” he said. “It is not a lie.”
This is only my second or third time reading a book with a trans protagonist and they hurt so much everytime i read them. These books are as much an exploration of self as they are a love story, a romance. At their heart they’re a strongly character driven story.
I’ve read hundreds of books and I’ve come to realise a majority of them, especially recently, have been carelessly written. They lack a certain heart. It’s quantity over quality, short books with an abundance of tropes and cookie cutter characters to the point where if I jumbled the protagonists in the last five contemporaries I’ve read, the story would remain the exact same. Not this one.
This book is so special to me. I love books only as much as i love the characters. And I loved these characters so much. It’s simple, really. The more time i spend with the characters, the more i love them. It makes perfect sense. And yet i do not mean how many pages i spend with them. It’s about how much time i spend in their head, how much I’ve learnt about them, their fears, their goals, their insecurities, their regrets. What they’ve lost, what they’ve sacrificed, what they’ve gained.
I’ve grown tired of books where all the angst comes from external factors like a big bad villain or a fucking pregnancy. It’s books like these with angst like this that I wholeheartedly love. Angst that comes from the characters and how they interact with each other. Angst that pushes them closer and makes them grow, makes them trust and rely on each other. A story that left the characters better people, more themselves and more content than when it began. Will and Nikhil grew into themselves over the course of the story.
“And there I was. Last man standing. Still tall and alive after everyone had left. The freedom and independence I’d given up everything just to have.”
My time spent reading this book felt like i spent it all with Will himself. In his head and in Denali. It felt like a warm hug at times and at times i could feel my heart being stepped on and chopped up. We didn’t have an endless stream of conversations where we jumped from dialogue to dialogue of impersonal talk where i could barely understand what our own protagonist was feeling. I felt Will. I felt his emotions and i understood his thoughts. And I truly loved him. We’re friends now.
“I wondered if the stars had ever noticed I’d changed. If I was too far away, and all they saw was the same hazy outline that I’d always been. Whether they had rejoiced with me when my beard first started to grow in, the thicker hair on my legs, the new line of my jaw. The only eyes I could never run away from, etched permanently above me. The only eyes who could never look away from me, even if they tried.”
I was a little hesitant when I saw that this book had two alternating timelines since i always feel abruptly ripped out of the narrative everytime we switch. And sure it did feel a bit jarring at times since I was more invested in one than the other, but i truly believe this book wouldn’t have had as much of an impact if it was written any other way. So don’t let that hold you back.
“I miss you,” he breathed, and I froze in place, pain rooting my feet to the floor. Fresh tears filled his eyes, flickering in the shadows, and he stared at an imaginary spot on the wall behind me. “I still reach for you when I wake up. I’m positive you’ll be there. And then you aren’t there. And it’s . . . it’s cold . . . and I wait for you to come back.”
Oh and the fact that Nikhil is Indian. Delicious. I’ve recently had a craving for Indian protagonists but haven’t really gone out of my way to look for book so the fact that this just happened to drop into my lap was serendipity. And obviously, me being Indian myself i felt a default connection to Nikhil. His sense of responsibility is so utterly familiar even though we grew up very differently. And its so rare for me to see someone like myself in the books that i read.
“And I wanted to scream to the stars that I had made myself with my own grit and nobody’s help. That I never wished my name had been Theodore instead. That my father’s younger daughter was dead—killed by my own hands. That I was a Ranger, and I didn’t miss Wyoming with any part of my soul. That even now, after everything, I didn’t mind staying back in the dark if it meant that I could be me.”
Also, wolves are my second favourite animal so i got a good kick out of that part of the story as well! And Denali was so beautifully described, the setting was so unique and I thoroughly loved it <3 it was so healing in a way.
And the supporting cast was so extremely loveable too. I only wish we had more of the story to read. I also made the mistake of reading this during my lecture yesterday and had to hold back desperate tears in the middle of class lmao.
TL;DR read this book. And if you haven’t read a book with a trans protagonist before, this is a great place to start. I hope you love it as much as I did <3
July 19, 2022
This is a long, slow, languorous book that still manages to be propulsive and engaging in the intensity of its emotions, and its commitment to the choices it's made: stylistically, structurally, thematically. My experience of reading it was, I will say, a bit uneven. There were times I was fully gripped by the story, and times I felt I was kept at arm's length by the choices the author made. And I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. For me there are "draw you by the hand into the world" books and "create a piece of art you can approach on your own terms" books, and both are valuable, and this was the latter.
The thing that stood out for me the most is the dual timeline. One set of events takes place in 1991, when Will and Nikhil first meet: the former is a ranger in Denali National Park, the latter a wolf biologist doing research there for a season. Will is incredibly solitary, and Nikhil very stand-offish, and so there's not much to work with in terms of the connection between the two. The second timeline is in 1992, after they have broken up, been apart for a year, and Nikhil has returned unannounced to turn Will's world upside down.
I have to admit, I struggled mightily with the dual timelines at first. Not just because things would switch up just as I was sinking into one timeline, though that was an issue. But more because... I found it very difficult to connect to the sheer emotional intensity of the post-breakup 1992 storyline, when it was happening between two people I had only ever seen ride silently in a car in 1991. Part of this is, I think, because I came into the novel expecting a great deal of angst. And the angst levels in the 1992 timeline are clearly off the charts... but it felt like angst I was only allowed to stare at through a shop window, rather than really feel connected to, because I didn't know the characters yet. This is possibly a very selfish way to frame the reading experience, but it felt like I was being denied access to something I was supposed to be emotionally partaking in. And perhaps that's deliberate: I think the idea of who we allow to access the depths of our most fragile emotions is a huge theme for this story, and so keeping the reader at arms' length at first makes a kind of thematic sense. I'm suspicious I would love the beginning of this book a lot more on a re-read than I did on the first go.
What I found really beautiful about the dual timelines, though, is how they converged at the end. Because the 1991 timeline ends on a traumatic breakup you always know is coming, but the 1992 timeline ends in a joyous, dwelt-upon, well-earned sigh-of-relief of an HEA. And there was a way in which that felt very... emotionally protective to characters who had been through a LOT by the end of the book. Normally I like to dwell in a low moment a bit, but I actually really appreciated the twist here, where you see the characters at their very lowest, knowing you're about to turn the page and see them safe and happy in a way that doesn't feel in the *least* bit emotionally unearned.
I will say, though, that on the count of putting characters through a lot, emotionally, this book puts both Will and Nikhil through the wringer. (Hannah's review does a really good job of explaining this more succinctly than I could). At times, this book walked right up to the line of how much I can take in terms of characters being presented as if they would truly have nothing and be unable to move through life without each other. Both Will and Nikhil are strong characters (both in terms of being well-written and in terms of being people who have had life throw a lot at them and survived). But narratively, the way Will, in particular, articulated the feeling that Nikhil's love had virtually instantiated him into being was at times lyrical and romantic, at times simply emotionally more than I could handle as a reader.
But at the same time, the author gives Will (and by extension the reader) this incredible gift of a setting that works in a way I've never really seen in a novel. This is going to sound a bit frou-frou of me I'm afraid, but honestly the location of the book - the wild nature, the untamed elements, the expansive sky - was like a support system, a witness to Will's journey, in a way that was incredibly beautiful, if abstract, and went a long way to making two very lonely characters still feel noticed and recognized and cared for almost on a cosmic scale. It also contributed to this sense I have of the book of something I ... observed from afar in stillness? It's truly an odd and uncanny reading experience, but one I'm nonetheless grateful to have had.
The thing that stood out for me the most is the dual timeline. One set of events takes place in 1991, when Will and Nikhil first meet: the former is a ranger in Denali National Park, the latter a wolf biologist doing research there for a season. Will is incredibly solitary, and Nikhil very stand-offish, and so there's not much to work with in terms of the connection between the two. The second timeline is in 1992, after they have broken up, been apart for a year, and Nikhil has returned unannounced to turn Will's world upside down.
I have to admit, I struggled mightily with the dual timelines at first. Not just because things would switch up just as I was sinking into one timeline, though that was an issue. But more because... I found it very difficult to connect to the sheer emotional intensity of the post-breakup 1992 storyline, when it was happening between two people I had only ever seen ride silently in a car in 1991. Part of this is, I think, because I came into the novel expecting a great deal of angst. And the angst levels in the 1992 timeline are clearly off the charts... but it felt like angst I was only allowed to stare at through a shop window, rather than really feel connected to, because I didn't know the characters yet. This is possibly a very selfish way to frame the reading experience, but it felt like I was being denied access to something I was supposed to be emotionally partaking in. And perhaps that's deliberate: I think the idea of who we allow to access the depths of our most fragile emotions is a huge theme for this story, and so keeping the reader at arms' length at first makes a kind of thematic sense. I'm suspicious I would love the beginning of this book a lot more on a re-read than I did on the first go.
What I found really beautiful about the dual timelines, though, is how they converged at the end. Because the 1991 timeline ends on a traumatic breakup you always know is coming, but the 1992 timeline ends in a joyous, dwelt-upon, well-earned sigh-of-relief of an HEA. And there was a way in which that felt very... emotionally protective to characters who had been through a LOT by the end of the book. Normally I like to dwell in a low moment a bit, but I actually really appreciated the twist here, where you see the characters at their very lowest, knowing you're about to turn the page and see them safe and happy in a way that doesn't feel in the *least* bit emotionally unearned.
I will say, though, that on the count of putting characters through a lot, emotionally, this book puts both Will and Nikhil through the wringer. (Hannah's review does a really good job of explaining this more succinctly than I could). At times, this book walked right up to the line of how much I can take in terms of characters being presented as if they would truly have nothing and be unable to move through life without each other. Both Will and Nikhil are strong characters (both in terms of being well-written and in terms of being people who have had life throw a lot at them and survived). But narratively, the way Will, in particular, articulated the feeling that Nikhil's love had virtually instantiated him into being was at times lyrical and romantic, at times simply emotionally more than I could handle as a reader.
But at the same time, the author gives Will (and by extension the reader) this incredible gift of a setting that works in a way I've never really seen in a novel. This is going to sound a bit frou-frou of me I'm afraid, but honestly the location of the book - the wild nature, the untamed elements, the expansive sky - was like a support system, a witness to Will's journey, in a way that was incredibly beautiful, if abstract, and went a long way to making two very lonely characters still feel noticed and recognized and cared for almost on a cosmic scale. It also contributed to this sense I have of the book of something I ... observed from afar in stillness? It's truly an odd and uncanny reading experience, but one I'm nonetheless grateful to have had.
November 11, 2021
As a trans man, I find it very hard to find novels that portray a realistic transmasc character. Will Avery is one of the few characters that I really identify with (though, admittedly I am much more of a city homebody than an outdoorsman).
I do need to put in the caveat that I read the original version of this book- and for me, it is very hard to separate the two. That being said, it is not necessary at all to know the first to understand this. It is a standalone (and stand out) novel.
I very much enjoyed the shifting timeline, where it moves between when they first meet, and eventually become lovers, then the next year when things are much more awkward between them for reasons that I won't spoil.
The way the author paints the picture of Denali is amazing. He does such a wonderful job of putting you in the middle of the park. You can smell the trees and feel the breeze and bask in the majesty that is the Alaskan wilderness.
You feel so terribly for Will, that he has chosen a life of isolation because of his past and the fact that he has yet to feel at home in his own body. That is something that I personally very much relate to, it just makes the character and the story hit so close to home.
The love story between Will and Nikhil is so intense at time and so slow and sweet in others- the w whole book is like a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs from the very first page to the very last.
I read the original story many times, it was a story that I went back to time and time again when I was feeling unsure about myself, uncomfortable in my own skin. It was nice to read about Will, who felt the same way, and how he learned to finally be happy with himself. I have already reserved my copy when the novel comes out, and I look forward to reading it over and over again as well.
I do need to put in the caveat that I read the original version of this book- and for me, it is very hard to separate the two. That being said, it is not necessary at all to know the first to understand this. It is a standalone (and stand out) novel.
I very much enjoyed the shifting timeline, where it moves between when they first meet, and eventually become lovers, then the next year when things are much more awkward between them for reasons that I won't spoil.
The way the author paints the picture of Denali is amazing. He does such a wonderful job of putting you in the middle of the park. You can smell the trees and feel the breeze and bask in the majesty that is the Alaskan wilderness.
You feel so terribly for Will, that he has chosen a life of isolation because of his past and the fact that he has yet to feel at home in his own body. That is something that I personally very much relate to, it just makes the character and the story hit so close to home.
The love story between Will and Nikhil is so intense at time and so slow and sweet in others- the w whole book is like a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs from the very first page to the very last.
I read the original story many times, it was a story that I went back to time and time again when I was feeling unsure about myself, uncomfortable in my own skin. It was nice to read about Will, who felt the same way, and how he learned to finally be happy with himself. I have already reserved my copy when the novel comes out, and I look forward to reading it over and over again as well.
January 4, 2022
4.5
This was a very lovely and deeply emotional romance between two closeted men in the early 90s in Alaska.
It sounds so bland when i say it like that, but it really wasn't. I felt so deeply for Will, a trans man living in solitude most of the time to feel free. And i can't say i understood everything going on with Nikhil at the beginning, but he was just... So soft on the inside.
I adored the slow burn, the anticipation and the surprises the dual narration of past and present year created. Extraenergy enjoyable, tender and very emotional. Also angsty and heartbreaking, but at the same time heartwarming and happymaking.
This was a very lovely and deeply emotional romance between two closeted men in the early 90s in Alaska.
It sounds so bland when i say it like that, but it really wasn't. I felt so deeply for Will, a trans man living in solitude most of the time to feel free. And i can't say i understood everything going on with Nikhil at the beginning, but he was just... So soft on the inside.
I adored the slow burn, the anticipation and the surprises the dual narration of past and present year created. Extraenergy enjoyable, tender and very emotional. Also angsty and heartbreaking, but at the same time heartwarming and happymaking.
June 4, 2022
This absolutely blew me away - top tier interior angst; gorgeous (sometimes almost too gorgeous) writing; ticklish structure; intimate, thoughtful sex scenes; and a clear eyed confrontation of homophobia and transphobia, both external and internalised, in 1970s-1990s America. The HEA was thoroughly earned and, to me at least, pitch perfect.
Definitely a top read of 2022. I’ll be snarfing everything CL Beaumont has ever written over the next few weeks.
Definitely a top read of 2022. I’ll be snarfing everything CL Beaumont has ever written over the next few weeks.
October 24, 2021
(digital ARC received through author-run giveaway)
Caveat that I read the first version of this book ages ago, and adored it; while I will do my best to judge this book on its own, I can't help but compare. And on that note, I'll get the reasons I didn't give it five stars out of the way. The first one is utterly unfair, and I recognize that and want to be clear that it would be utterly unmissed for a new reader : in adapting this story into the novel it is now, the author has quite understandably made some cuts to scenes that no longer serve the story. It just so happens a couple of my favorite parts were left out of the book it is now, and while I quite like the book it is now, I do still miss those moments. The second reason I didn't give this a full five stars, is I had a little bit of trouble following the emotional momentum with the way the timeline jumps around. I quite like the mirrored timelines as an idea, but when we get to the climactic moments of Will and Nikhil confronting each other, and Will confronting his own pain and insecurities, I struggled to be emotionally invested. To be fair I'm not sure if this was due to the structure, but I think so. I found the characters compelling and I empathized overall, but I think we just got a chunk of Will Going Through It all at once, in two different timelines, and it started to feel emotionally repetitive, that he was spinning his wheels.
That said, I adore this story, and relate to it so much. Will Avery, as a trans man who has the courage to live as himself, but struggles to connect to others as himself, and chooses isolation rather than vulnerability, is boyhowdy on the money relatable. And his whirlwind romance with Nikhil is just full of love and intimacy and tenderness. I also adore Nikhil's contradictions; his sharp focus and intimidation, crossed with his exuberance and joy in tracking wolves. He's lovely. The setting is gorgeous, too; I am not an outdoors person, in the least, but the imagery the author uses to describe Denali makes me want to get out there and see it myself.
Also there is a Very Good Dog (and Will finding comfort in Lugnut and being able to share with him more than with people is also super relatable). Lastly, the image the book leaves us with is beautifully compelling and strikes a perfect emotional chord to end on.
I really loved The Sea Ain't Mine Alone, and I quite liked this, too. I very much steer clear of romance, but for this author I think I will continue to make exceptions.
Caveat that I read the first version of this book ages ago, and adored it; while I will do my best to judge this book on its own, I can't help but compare. And on that note, I'll get the reasons I didn't give it five stars out of the way. The first one is utterly unfair, and I recognize that and want to be clear that it would be utterly unmissed for a new reader : in adapting this story into the novel it is now, the author has quite understandably made some cuts to scenes that no longer serve the story. It just so happens a couple of my favorite parts were left out of the book it is now, and while I quite like the book it is now, I do still miss those moments. The second reason I didn't give this a full five stars, is I had a little bit of trouble following the emotional momentum with the way the timeline jumps around. I quite like the mirrored timelines as an idea, but when we get to the climactic moments of Will and Nikhil confronting each other, and Will confronting his own pain and insecurities, I struggled to be emotionally invested. To be fair I'm not sure if this was due to the structure, but I think so. I found the characters compelling and I empathized overall, but I think we just got a chunk of Will Going Through It all at once, in two different timelines, and it started to feel emotionally repetitive, that he was spinning his wheels.
That said, I adore this story, and relate to it so much. Will Avery, as a trans man who has the courage to live as himself, but struggles to connect to others as himself, and chooses isolation rather than vulnerability, is boyhowdy on the money relatable. And his whirlwind romance with Nikhil is just full of love and intimacy and tenderness. I also adore Nikhil's contradictions; his sharp focus and intimidation, crossed with his exuberance and joy in tracking wolves. He's lovely. The setting is gorgeous, too; I am not an outdoors person, in the least, but the imagery the author uses to describe Denali makes me want to get out there and see it myself.
Also there is a Very Good Dog (and Will finding comfort in Lugnut and being able to share with him more than with people is also super relatable). Lastly, the image the book leaves us with is beautifully compelling and strikes a perfect emotional chord to end on.
I really loved The Sea Ain't Mine Alone, and I quite liked this, too. I very much steer clear of romance, but for this author I think I will continue to make exceptions.
April 17, 2025
I loved this! The dual timeline structure was really well done and built the suspense so much - I was so invested and desperate to know what had happened between the characters. I also learnt a lot and it was a fantastic and moving insight into the struggles of trans people. Very important, even more so in our current political climate.
September 27, 2024
I wish I could write the review I want with the real feelings I have about what’s in this book, but unfortunately there are people on this site that I don’t trust with that information.
I’ll just say that this book was absolutely beautiful and I wish more people would read it.
The two books out there by this author ARE wordy, and if you’ve been around a while, ya’ll know I hate excessive internal dialogue. But I hate POINTLESS internal dialogue.
Every word written in this book has a purpose and it kept me sucked in every page, just like the other book by this author. It’s all just thoughtful and also very sad. It is way angstier than his other book, but it makes the HEA all the sweeter.
The way the trans character was written was probably the best I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a lot.
This was 100% unique and while I wasn’t sure how I felt about the back and forth with the year time skips, I ended up really enjoying it.
I wish this author had more out there, but perhaps he managed to avoid what most other MM authors did which was write so much so fast it’s become a fast food buffet of cheap, fast writing that gives you a stomach ache. Perhaps these two gorgeous books by this author are all that’s needed, because for me they are two of the best queer romance books I’ve ever read. And I’m just thankful for them… especially this one.
I’ll just say that this book was absolutely beautiful and I wish more people would read it.
The two books out there by this author ARE wordy, and if you’ve been around a while, ya’ll know I hate excessive internal dialogue. But I hate POINTLESS internal dialogue.
Every word written in this book has a purpose and it kept me sucked in every page, just like the other book by this author. It’s all just thoughtful and also very sad. It is way angstier than his other book, but it makes the HEA all the sweeter.
The way the trans character was written was probably the best I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a lot.
This was 100% unique and while I wasn’t sure how I felt about the back and forth with the year time skips, I ended up really enjoying it.
I wish this author had more out there, but perhaps he managed to avoid what most other MM authors did which was write so much so fast it’s become a fast food buffet of cheap, fast writing that gives you a stomach ache. Perhaps these two gorgeous books by this author are all that’s needed, because for me they are two of the best queer romance books I’ve ever read. And I’m just thankful for them… especially this one.
May 18, 2024
Edit May 2024: I had to come back to this review and correct a grave injustice, which is that two years ago I only gave this book four stars. That is a silly rating considering I still think about this book ALL THE TIME and recommend it to everyone. And I held a star because it dragged a bit in the middle? Pfffft. If a book affects you as much as this has me, you give it all the stars.
Original review May 2022:
I was hoping for an atmospheric, angsty read and Names for the Dawn is certainly that. Set almost entirely in the wilds and tiny towns of Alaska, it serves a lonely, brooding, quiet vibe that would really hit the spot on a cold fall/winter day (but that I read during record-breaking heat in Texas, you do you). It is very introspective and quite slow. Sometimes it got almost too slow and I wish it was 50-75 pages shorter, but overall this was a wonderfully emotional read.
We follow two timelines throughout the book. One is summer 1991, when the MCs initially meet and the second is the following summer after their relationship has fallen apart. I'm not always a fan of dual timelines but I think it works here. We get a parallel progression between two lonely, sad men finding then losing each other, and then healing and finding their way back to each other. We learn snippets about things in the later timeline before we see them actually happen in the earlier one. This pays off in particular for the low moment: it somehow both softens the harshness and heightens the heartbreak because we've seen the aftermath, but not the actual event.
Full content warnings will be listed below, but I want to highlight that much of angst in this book is driven by the MC's identities as queer men and the societal, familial, and internalized homophobia/transphobia they have been dealing with. If those are potential triggers for you please be mindful because there's no avoiding them in this story. That said, I think it's a beautiful story and worth the read if "sitting and staring broodily out the window on a gloomy day" is your reading vibe.
Overall rating: 4
Hannah Angst Scale™ rating: 3.5
Content notes: homophobia, transphobia, violence against trans person (), suicidal ideation (), depiction of testosterone injections, description of top surgery and scars, Nikhil struggled with cocaine addiction and went to substance use rehab, Nikhil was sent as child away from India to an English Catholic school and separated from family for many years, passing mention of corporal punishment in school, secondary character becomes pregnant and gives birth during course of story, pet death, use of firearms, minor hiking mishaps (no injury), encounters with wild wolves, discussions of bear attacks, on page alcohol use
Original review May 2022:
I was hoping for an atmospheric, angsty read and Names for the Dawn is certainly that. Set almost entirely in the wilds and tiny towns of Alaska, it serves a lonely, brooding, quiet vibe that would really hit the spot on a cold fall/winter day (but that I read during record-breaking heat in Texas, you do you). It is very introspective and quite slow. Sometimes it got almost too slow and I wish it was 50-75 pages shorter, but overall this was a wonderfully emotional read.
We follow two timelines throughout the book. One is summer 1991, when the MCs initially meet and the second is the following summer after their relationship has fallen apart. I'm not always a fan of dual timelines but I think it works here. We get a parallel progression between two lonely, sad men finding then losing each other, and then healing and finding their way back to each other. We learn snippets about things in the later timeline before we see them actually happen in the earlier one. This pays off in particular for the low moment: it somehow both softens the harshness and heightens the heartbreak because we've seen the aftermath, but not the actual event.
Full content warnings will be listed below, but I want to highlight that much of angst in this book is driven by the MC's identities as queer men and the societal, familial, and internalized homophobia/transphobia they have been dealing with. If those are potential triggers for you please be mindful because there's no avoiding them in this story. That said, I think it's a beautiful story and worth the read if "sitting and staring broodily out the window on a gloomy day" is your reading vibe.
Overall rating: 4
Hannah Angst Scale™ rating: 3.5
Content notes: homophobia, transphobia, violence against trans person (), suicidal ideation (), depiction of testosterone injections, description of top surgery and scars, Nikhil struggled with cocaine addiction and went to substance use rehab, Nikhil was sent as child away from India to an English Catholic school and separated from family for many years, passing mention of corporal punishment in school, secondary character becomes pregnant and gives birth during course of story, pet death, use of firearms, minor hiking mishaps (no injury), encounters with wild wolves, discussions of bear attacks, on page alcohol use
November 17, 2021
Names for the Dawn tells the story of Will and Nikhil, following their relationship as it grows, is torn apart, and is slowly rebuilt. Yet - and I know this is a cliche way for me to frame it - it's so much more than that. This is a book about being known and in turn knowing yourself.
It took me longer than expected to read the book, because I frequently found myself stopping to reflect on aspects of my own life. We see Will grapple with the path his life has taken, struggle to know what he wants for his future, and ultimately embrace love and relationships in all their terrifying glory. I loved that we get to see the development of the platonic relationships between Will and Gina and Nikhil and Kelly. By the end of the book, love is practically radiating from the page.
Along the way, Beaumont's description of Denali was so lovely that I now really want to go myself. All-in-all, Names for the Dawn tells a heartrending, uplifiting, beautiful story.
It took me longer than expected to read the book, because I frequently found myself stopping to reflect on aspects of my own life. We see Will grapple with the path his life has taken, struggle to know what he wants for his future, and ultimately embrace love and relationships in all their terrifying glory. I loved that we get to see the development of the platonic relationships between Will and Gina and Nikhil and Kelly. By the end of the book, love is practically radiating from the page.
Along the way, Beaumont's description of Denali was so lovely that I now really want to go myself. All-in-all, Names for the Dawn tells a heartrending, uplifiting, beautiful story.
February 7, 2022
"But the silence had never answered me. Nothing and nobody ever would. My otherness had come on so gradually, slipping inside before I had the chance to bat it away. I'd convinced myself that everything I felt was a common experience..."
"...I waited, willing myself to come back into my body, reminding myself that the last forty-one years had not been a deception or experiment."
i'm about to make this book my entire personality for a month. the back-and-forth time switches sometimes were hard to keep up with (but i think that's on me and not the novel lmao) but other than that, the book was absolutely Stunning and i am obsessed with it. will avery, i love u king, u deserve the world.
"...I waited, willing myself to come back into my body, reminding myself that the last forty-one years had not been a deception or experiment."
i'm about to make this book my entire personality for a month. the back-and-forth time switches sometimes were hard to keep up with (but i think that's on me and not the novel lmao) but other than that, the book was absolutely Stunning and i am obsessed with it. will avery, i love u king, u deserve the world.
November 20, 2021
This stellar book follows a closeted trans man, Will Avery, and a closeted gay man, Nikhil. It's more than just a Romeo and Juliet romance story, it's filled with depth and complexities of both characters.
You'll be taken from the start of their relationship and you'll experience the heartbreak and the hurt, the joy and the happiness, and the intimate and the sweet. It's a love story that has been through a lot. And best of all, there's a crucial element of realness in the book; it's realistic.
The author writes in a way that I could feel the emotions as they wrapped around me. I cried and laughed and smiled with the characters. The beautiful descriptions of Denali landscapes decorate the book as well.
This book is definitely worth reading. Yes, it will break your heart, but it will also mend it.
The only thing I would caution potential readers about is the alternating between the times (the author alternates between two different years) sometimes it takes you out of a certain intense feeling, a scene. But overall, it's worth.
You'll be taken from the start of their relationship and you'll experience the heartbreak and the hurt, the joy and the happiness, and the intimate and the sweet. It's a love story that has been through a lot. And best of all, there's a crucial element of realness in the book; it's realistic.
The author writes in a way that I could feel the emotions as they wrapped around me. I cried and laughed and smiled with the characters. The beautiful descriptions of Denali landscapes decorate the book as well.
This book is definitely worth reading. Yes, it will break your heart, but it will also mend it.
The only thing I would caution potential readers about is the alternating between the times (the author alternates between two different years) sometimes it takes you out of a certain intense feeling, a scene. But overall, it's worth.
November 14, 2021
This story is absolutely gorgeous but it will rip your heart out and then pick up the pieces and mend them back together. Will is a park ranger in Denali National Park, used to the solitude and the freedom of beautiful open spaces. He also has a major secret no one knows. Until the summer Nikhail comes to the park, searching for wolves. It was only for the summer, but tell that to his heart. This story is broken up into sections and isn’t told in chronological order. If that is something that bugs you, you might want to skip this one but it is truly worth the read. It skips from the summer Nikhail first visits the park to the following year and after every couple of chapters. Like I said, this story is not a light read but the two main characters have so much depth and kept me reading. Will absolutely broke my heart but I could feel the pain from both characters in the “present” sections of the book. Worth the read.
December 28, 2021
This book was so good and I wish more people would read it. It's just so well written and the descriptions of Denali National Park are so vivid I want to go there myself. I loved Will so much and I hurt right there with him.
January 23, 2022
This book took me a long time to finish because it was just so painful most of the time. It’s an elegy in longing and I felt it in my bones. Will, a trans man and ranger in Alaska, living a solitary life in which he feels content but lonely, meets Nikhil, a wolf expert who upends his entire existence. The story switches between two years, and layers their romance and their heartbreak and it was so achingly sad in places that I needed a break at times. The handling of gender dysphoria and Will’s transition was beautiful. The writing and setting was incredible and moving. Between this and the excellent The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone, I am firmly a Beaumont fan.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 19, 2021
Ce roman a été une vraie claque et Names for the Dawn s'agit bien plus qu'une romance !
Je suis tombée amoureuse de la couverture et du titre, il n’en fallait pas plus pour que je me plonge dans ce livre assez dense. Et j’ai découvert la plume magnifique, sensible et poétique de C.L. Beaumont qui insuffle une force assez incroyable au récit.
Difficile de parler de ce qui attend le lecteur s’il décide de donner une chance à cette histoire, je trouve que le résumé en dévoile beaucoup trop mais en même temps, il est sera peut-être nécessaire de le lire pour certains.
Ce roman est la rencontre de deux solitudes au cœur de la beauté sauvage de l’Alaska. Une rencontre qui sera source de souffrance, d’espoir mais aussi de joie… Et l’histoire d’amour entre Will et Nikhil est vraiment mise en valeur par la construction du récit qui nous fait suivre les héros le temps de deux étés, intenses, par le biais d'un va-et-vient entre l’année 1991 et 1992 dans lesquels le moindre détail s’emboîte.
Wille Nikhil sont très touchants et l’auteur nous en fait un portrait incroyablement réaliste et complexe, notamment celui de Will pour qui l’Alaska a été un refuge. Sa force est admirable ; sa vulnérabilité terriblement émouvante et son isolement, un vrai déchirement tant cela paraît injuste. Ses pensées et émotions n’ont aucun secret pour le lecteur car le récit se fait à travers son point de vue. Et j’avoue que c’était rude de sentir Will parfois sur le fil… Car si ce roman ne tombe jamais dans la souffritude, il réserve des passages poignants, les larmes ont donc accompagné ma lecture bien des fois…
Nikhil est aussi fascinant que ces loups qu’il connait et aime tant, mais il est lui aussi tourmenté... J'ai adoré qu'il comprenne si bien Will et la connexion qui finit par s’établir entre les deux hommes a été un tel baume au cœur.
Le Denali et son parc national offrent un écrin exceptionnel et contribuent aussi à la réussite du roman et magnifier l'histoire d'amour que vivent Will et Nikhil. Ce dépaysement a été une vraie bouffée d’air revigorante.
Et puis, il y a Gina et Lugnut qui apportent tant de soutien et d’amour…
Vous l’avez compris, pour moi ce roman est une vraie pépite e un coup de coeur 🥰
Je suis tombée amoureuse de la couverture et du titre, il n’en fallait pas plus pour que je me plonge dans ce livre assez dense. Et j’ai découvert la plume magnifique, sensible et poétique de C.L. Beaumont qui insuffle une force assez incroyable au récit.
Difficile de parler de ce qui attend le lecteur s’il décide de donner une chance à cette histoire, je trouve que le résumé en dévoile beaucoup trop mais en même temps, il est sera peut-être nécessaire de le lire pour certains.
Ce roman est la rencontre de deux solitudes au cœur de la beauté sauvage de l’Alaska. Une rencontre qui sera source de souffrance, d’espoir mais aussi de joie… Et l’histoire d’amour entre Will et Nikhil est vraiment mise en valeur par la construction du récit qui nous fait suivre les héros le temps de deux étés, intenses, par le biais d'un va-et-vient entre l’année 1991 et 1992 dans lesquels le moindre détail s’emboîte.
Wille Nikhil sont très touchants et l’auteur nous en fait un portrait incroyablement réaliste et complexe, notamment celui de Will pour qui l’Alaska a été un refuge. Sa force est admirable ; sa vulnérabilité terriblement émouvante et son isolement, un vrai déchirement tant cela paraît injuste. Ses pensées et émotions n’ont aucun secret pour le lecteur car le récit se fait à travers son point de vue. Et j’avoue que c’était rude de sentir Will parfois sur le fil… Car si ce roman ne tombe jamais dans la souffritude, il réserve des passages poignants, les larmes ont donc accompagné ma lecture bien des fois…
Nikhil est aussi fascinant que ces loups qu’il connait et aime tant, mais il est lui aussi tourmenté... J'ai adoré qu'il comprenne si bien Will et la connexion qui finit par s’établir entre les deux hommes a été un tel baume au cœur.
Le Denali et son parc national offrent un écrin exceptionnel et contribuent aussi à la réussite du roman et magnifier l'histoire d'amour que vivent Will et Nikhil. Ce dépaysement a été une vraie bouffée d’air revigorante.
Et puis, il y a Gina et Lugnut qui apportent tant de soutien et d’amour…
Vous l’avez compris, pour moi ce roman est une vraie pépite e un coup de coeur 🥰
October 21, 2021
Two-thirds through the ARC for Names for the Dawn, a romance between a trans man and a cis man set in Denali National Park, I started slowing down on purpose. I couldn't stop reading, but I also didn't want this book to ever end.
The telling of this love story between Will and Nikhil alternates between the beginning of their acquaintance, before they become lovers, and the following year, after they've had a wrenching breakup. The shifting timelines create a doubled effect of romantic tension. In some chapters, the two men long for a kind of love that neither has ever known before. In others, they long for the love they bitterly miss losing from each other. The result is an intense reading experience, the slowest and burniest of slow burns, a getting-together romance and a reconciliation romance at once. C.L. Beaumont has an exceptional degree of emotional intelligence in his writing. The tension when Will and Nikhil aren't even speaking to one another, or walk away from each other, is as engrossing as their love scenes.
The story strikes its deepest notes in the intimate scenes when Will comes into his own as a man making love with another man. But other elements of the story are just as memorable. The old sled dog who is the only being to know all of Will's names. The coworker who is everything lovely and decent about cis women. The coffee that Will brews for Nikhil, cutting into his own rations to have enough to give away. Will's ambivalent memories of his father, full of shaving and neckties and guns. Beaumont makes me trust these characters. I would go anywhere with them, trust them with anything. I was sorry when this book ended.
The telling of this love story between Will and Nikhil alternates between the beginning of their acquaintance, before they become lovers, and the following year, after they've had a wrenching breakup. The shifting timelines create a doubled effect of romantic tension. In some chapters, the two men long for a kind of love that neither has ever known before. In others, they long for the love they bitterly miss losing from each other. The result is an intense reading experience, the slowest and burniest of slow burns, a getting-together romance and a reconciliation romance at once. C.L. Beaumont has an exceptional degree of emotional intelligence in his writing. The tension when Will and Nikhil aren't even speaking to one another, or walk away from each other, is as engrossing as their love scenes.
The story strikes its deepest notes in the intimate scenes when Will comes into his own as a man making love with another man. But other elements of the story are just as memorable. The old sled dog who is the only being to know all of Will's names. The coworker who is everything lovely and decent about cis women. The coffee that Will brews for Nikhil, cutting into his own rations to have enough to give away. Will's ambivalent memories of his father, full of shaving and neckties and guns. Beaumont makes me trust these characters. I would go anywhere with them, trust them with anything. I was sorry when this book ended.
June 8, 2024
Content warnings: body dysmorphia, graphic animal death, transphobia (in the past), addiction, abusive parenting (in the past), grief, mental health, homophobia, gun violence, suicidal ideation (in the past), panic attacks
I forget who I saw talking about this online, but I'm not going to lie: I mostly picked it up because it's set in Alaska. It definitely wasn't what I anticipated it would be - mostly because I had it in my head that the main character was ace when he's actually trans - but I had a delightful (if somewhat emotional) time reading this. I did find the early 90s setting to be something of an odd choice, and I wonder about the likelihood of gender affirming care in the back blocks of Alaska 30+ years ago.
Still, I loved Will and Nikhail as characters, and I really enjoyed the back-and-forth-in-time way of telling the story. The Lugnut aspect of the story broke my heart endlessly, because I could see the inevitable end coming from the second that poor old pupper appeared on the page. Also, this may just be a Me Thing but because it's set in Denali I definitely kept expecting Edward Cullen to turn up and eat things. Finally, authors? For the love of God, include lube in your books O.o
I forget who I saw talking about this online, but I'm not going to lie: I mostly picked it up because it's set in Alaska. It definitely wasn't what I anticipated it would be - mostly because I had it in my head that the main character was ace when he's actually trans - but I had a delightful (if somewhat emotional) time reading this. I did find the early 90s setting to be something of an odd choice, and I wonder about the likelihood of gender affirming care in the back blocks of Alaska 30+ years ago.
Still, I loved Will and Nikhail as characters, and I really enjoyed the back-and-forth-in-time way of telling the story. The Lugnut aspect of the story broke my heart endlessly, because I could see the inevitable end coming from the second that poor old pupper appeared on the page. Also, this may just be a Me Thing but because it's set in Denali I definitely kept expecting Edward Cullen to turn up and eat things. Finally, authors? For the love of God, include lube in your books O.o
November 19, 2021
Names For The Dawn is gorgeous and is far more than a romance novel. It’s the story of Will, a transgendered man, and Nikhil, a closeted gay man, as they work together to document the wolf population in Denali. The structure is really interesting and jumps between 1991 and 1992 to paint a complete picture of their relationship. Will has essentially isolated himself in Alaska, a place where he’s free to be himself while also terrified that someone will discover that he’s trans. He has a lot of identity issues and some really complicated feelings about his childhood and family. Nikhil is a researcher working at Denali for the summer to document the wolf population. He has his own issues around his Indian culture and his obligations to his family. Will is tasked with driving Nikhil around the park, and an unlikely friendship develops between the two men. Both men are incredibly complex characters. The Alaskan back country is like a character itself, and Beaumont’s descriptions are stunning. I also like that it’s set in the early 1990’s. I can only imagine how isolated it must have been for transgendered people without access to the internet. It’s a roller coaster of a novel with moments that broke my heart and others that made it soar. This is definitely one of my favorite books of 2021.
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