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The Surrounded by Idiots
Surrounded by Narcissists: Or, How to Stop Other Peoples Egos Ruining Your Life
From the Sunday Times bestselling author of Surrounded by Idiots
Are you overshadowed by the narcissists in your life? Are you worn out by their constant demands for attention, their absolute belief they are right (even when clearly they are not), their determination to do what they want (regardless of impact), and their baffling need to control everyone and everything around them?
In this thought-provoking, sanity-saving book, Thomas Erikson helps you understand what makes narcissists tick and, crucially, how to handle them without wearing yourself out in the process. With the help of the behavioural model made famous in Surrounded by Idiots, Erikson provides all the tools you need to manage not just the narcissists around you but everyday narcissism as well - itself becoming more widespread in this age of social media. Engaging and practical, Surrounded by Narcissists will help you free yourself from narcissistic agendas so you can pursue a happier, more fulfilling and successful life.
Are you overshadowed by the narcissists in your life? Are you worn out by their constant demands for attention, their absolute belief they are right (even when clearly they are not), their determination to do what they want (regardless of impact), and their baffling need to control everyone and everything around them?
In this thought-provoking, sanity-saving book, Thomas Erikson helps you understand what makes narcissists tick and, crucially, how to handle them without wearing yourself out in the process. With the help of the behavioural model made famous in Surrounded by Idiots, Erikson provides all the tools you need to manage not just the narcissists around you but everyday narcissism as well - itself becoming more widespread in this age of social media. Engaging and practical, Surrounded by Narcissists will help you free yourself from narcissistic agendas so you can pursue a happier, more fulfilling and successful life.
298 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2022
1055 people are currently reading
13891 people want to read
About the author
Thomas Erikson
39 books1,545 followersThomas Erikson is a behaviourist and the bestselling author of the Surrounded by- series about human behaviours.
The series, has been translated to close to 60 languages and has sold over 8 million copies.
His mission is to make people’s lives easier by making them more aware of themselves and help people to a better understanding of what it takes to achieve the best possible communication.
He is a highly sought-after public speaker with 120 keynotes yearly on topics such as human behaviours, self-awareness, , narcissism, and leadership.
He lives by the simple but useful quote:
You can’t change somebody else, but you can change yourself.
Thomas was writing for twenty years before finally getting published. Being an author was his dream in life, so he never gave up. Instead he tested new ideas, tweaked his writing style, learned new skills, asked professionals, worked from 03.00 in the morning for years.
No one really believed in his writing ambitions, so he had to believe in himself.
Nowadays Thomas is Sweden’s most translated author still active. Only Selma Lagerlöf and Astid Lindgren has been translated into more languages.
He has until today published twelve books – half fiction and half non-fiction – and he will continue to write as long as he breathes.
He lives on the countryside in Sweden with his wife Christina, Sweden’s biggest romance author, he runs a family business that provides online courses and master classes on all the topics he writes about in his books.
Fun fact: Thomas is a true anglophile. He is a passionate gardener, loves topiary: if he could wear tweed the full year he would. And he is s collector of old Land Rovers.
Some of them works, most of them don’t.
The series, has been translated to close to 60 languages and has sold over 8 million copies.
His mission is to make people’s lives easier by making them more aware of themselves and help people to a better understanding of what it takes to achieve the best possible communication.
He is a highly sought-after public speaker with 120 keynotes yearly on topics such as human behaviours, self-awareness, , narcissism, and leadership.
He lives by the simple but useful quote:
You can’t change somebody else, but you can change yourself.
Thomas was writing for twenty years before finally getting published. Being an author was his dream in life, so he never gave up. Instead he tested new ideas, tweaked his writing style, learned new skills, asked professionals, worked from 03.00 in the morning for years.
No one really believed in his writing ambitions, so he had to believe in himself.
Nowadays Thomas is Sweden’s most translated author still active. Only Selma Lagerlöf and Astid Lindgren has been translated into more languages.
He has until today published twelve books – half fiction and half non-fiction – and he will continue to write as long as he breathes.
He lives on the countryside in Sweden with his wife Christina, Sweden’s biggest romance author, he runs a family business that provides online courses and master classes on all the topics he writes about in his books.
Fun fact: Thomas is a true anglophile. He is a passionate gardener, loves topiary: if he could wear tweed the full year he would. And he is s collector of old Land Rovers.
Some of them works, most of them don’t.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 458 reviews
December 11, 2022
This book is not worth the paper it's printed on. The author openly admits, "I don't know anything about this," and references his own alleged research into the topic as "improvised and intuitive explorations" (p.128)
Do you know what that means in layman's terms when you cut the bullcrap?
Yeah, that means he made sh*t up and poked around based on a gut feeling. Then he came to a conclusion without anything solid to back him up. That's called confirmation bias, folks.
Meaning: he looked for what he wanted to see. But he didn't look into any opposing evidence that might contradict or challenge his theory. It's not real research. He's just looking for a yes-man.
He doesn't present any FACTS. It's purely conjecture. Even his "examples" of narcissistic behavior are based entirely on a fictional character that he created.
The author repeatedly doesn't cite sources. All he says is, "I knew a guy once," or, "I read a book once that said..." Doesn't provide a title or a footnote or anything. The most you MIGHT get is "It was published in 2014." So you can't verify his story. You can't check out the references for yourself to do more research of your own. He's just spouting stuff and treating it like gospel because he said it.
He continually states his personal opinion. There is no room for personal opinion in what should be a strictly factual and informational material.
"In my opinion, it's bad to be selfish."
Actually, humanity in general condemns selfishness. That's a basic requirement of how a community operates and thrives.
For example, religion is a big pillar of pretty much every community throughout history. So take a look at any religious text, belonging to any religion around the world and you will find that selfishness is often condemned.
Islam says it's bad.
Christianity says it's bad.
Confucianism says it's bad.
Buddhism says it's bad.
Taoism says it's bad.
Hinduism says it's bad.
Look at all those religions and cultures that condemn selfishness as being bad. Simply stating, "In my opinion," carries no weight in this context when you're trying to make an argument. In fact, it's lazy writing and even lazier research (non-existent, actually). Especially when you could bring the ENTIRE WORLD to the table to back up your statement and that would hit so much harder than one man's opinion who admits he doesn't know what he's talking about.
It really got under my skin that the author never treated narcissism as a serious problem. "Well, did a little narcissism ever hurt anybody?" He made it sound like narcissism is simply "being too selfish" and "talks about themselves a little too much."
In some cases, narcissistic traits CAN be learned/taught. But with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, we're looking at an individual who has EXTREMELY DISORDERED THINKING. Their grasp on reality is not functioning properly. Their capacity for logical reasoning is completely haywire. It's way, way more than just being a little selfish.
The author almost started to address whether or not there's a link between excessive social media use and narcissism. I've been interested in this topic for years so I was looking forward to how he would handle it. All he did was dip his pinkie toe in the water and then changed the subject. He talked about "young people these days" being obsessed with becoming social media influencers who didn't actually do anything, and tossed out some obnoxiously anecdotal tripe about how you have to work hard and be someone truly special to succeed. Like Kim Kardashian.
So...he berated kids for wanting to become social media influencers and then told them to become like Kim Kardashian...who didn't do anything to achieve her success besides being a social media influencer. I'm going cross-eyed from trying to wrap my head around this nonsense.
The author also came across as know-it-all without actually providing the information. For example, he referenced "survivor forums" (he used the quotation marks which didn't sit well with me, as if he's mocking it???) for victims of narcissistic abuse. He went on to say, "Yep, there are actually many online forums for people who have encountered a narcissist's behavior."
And then he does not list them. Doesn't tell you where you could find them.
So he's stroking his own ego. "I know SO much about this topic! But let's move on to the next subject, shall we?"
I lost track of how many times he simply stated, "Yep, there has been extensive research on the subject about this." And provides NOTHING ABOUT IT.
He rambled about psychopaths. A lot. Which his previous book was about (and he certainly let you know how many people LOVED that book!). But I'm reading THIS book about narcissists. If I wanted to know about psychopaths, I would read the book about psychopaths (I certainly won't waste my time with this incredibly pretentious author but you get the idea).
Sure, there can be some overlap. But he never, ever addressed other co-existing disorders, or disorders that might be mistaken for narcissism, i.e. BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). He only focused on psychopaths because that's what he'd already written about (and since it was well-received, maybe he can get more ego strokes if he keeps bringing it up!)
I had to take a breather when the author decided to dedicate an ENTIRE CHAPTER to the appearance of cars and how their outward look became more "aggressive" over time with slanted headlights that "looked like narrowed eyes." So that was a "clear sign" of an increasingly narcissistic culture.
And this is a serious case to support his statements??? Slanted headlights that look like narrowed eyes???
Not only did he admittedly not know a single thing about cars, but this entire chapter is purely the author blowing smoke. It has nothing to do with the topic at hand. It provides no information. Why on EARTH are we talking about cars with slanted headlights in a book about narcissism???
This book reads like a college student who didn't do any homework for the assignment so he bullsh*tted his way through the final paper on the night before it was due, word-salad-ing along until he reached the required word count. There is NO substance to this book. It has absolutely no foundation to stand on. Nothing that anyone can learn from it.
In fact, some of his "advice" on how to "confront a narcissist" could REALLY get someone hurt if they're in a bad situation.
I wouldn't even recommend this book to a beginner. It's so, so useless. I'm absolutely appalled.
Do you know what that means in layman's terms when you cut the bullcrap?
Yeah, that means he made sh*t up and poked around based on a gut feeling. Then he came to a conclusion without anything solid to back him up. That's called confirmation bias, folks.
Meaning: he looked for what he wanted to see. But he didn't look into any opposing evidence that might contradict or challenge his theory. It's not real research. He's just looking for a yes-man.
He doesn't present any FACTS. It's purely conjecture. Even his "examples" of narcissistic behavior are based entirely on a fictional character that he created.
The author repeatedly doesn't cite sources. All he says is, "I knew a guy once," or, "I read a book once that said..." Doesn't provide a title or a footnote or anything. The most you MIGHT get is "It was published in 2014." So you can't verify his story. You can't check out the references for yourself to do more research of your own. He's just spouting stuff and treating it like gospel because he said it.
He continually states his personal opinion. There is no room for personal opinion in what should be a strictly factual and informational material.
"In my opinion, it's bad to be selfish."
Actually, humanity in general condemns selfishness. That's a basic requirement of how a community operates and thrives.
For example, religion is a big pillar of pretty much every community throughout history. So take a look at any religious text, belonging to any religion around the world and you will find that selfishness is often condemned.
Islam says it's bad.
Christianity says it's bad.
Confucianism says it's bad.
Buddhism says it's bad.
Taoism says it's bad.
Hinduism says it's bad.
Look at all those religions and cultures that condemn selfishness as being bad. Simply stating, "In my opinion," carries no weight in this context when you're trying to make an argument. In fact, it's lazy writing and even lazier research (non-existent, actually). Especially when you could bring the ENTIRE WORLD to the table to back up your statement and that would hit so much harder than one man's opinion who admits he doesn't know what he's talking about.
It really got under my skin that the author never treated narcissism as a serious problem. "Well, did a little narcissism ever hurt anybody?" He made it sound like narcissism is simply "being too selfish" and "talks about themselves a little too much."
In some cases, narcissistic traits CAN be learned/taught. But with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, we're looking at an individual who has EXTREMELY DISORDERED THINKING. Their grasp on reality is not functioning properly. Their capacity for logical reasoning is completely haywire. It's way, way more than just being a little selfish.
The author almost started to address whether or not there's a link between excessive social media use and narcissism. I've been interested in this topic for years so I was looking forward to how he would handle it. All he did was dip his pinkie toe in the water and then changed the subject. He talked about "young people these days" being obsessed with becoming social media influencers who didn't actually do anything, and tossed out some obnoxiously anecdotal tripe about how you have to work hard and be someone truly special to succeed. Like Kim Kardashian.
So...he berated kids for wanting to become social media influencers and then told them to become like Kim Kardashian...who didn't do anything to achieve her success besides being a social media influencer. I'm going cross-eyed from trying to wrap my head around this nonsense.
The author also came across as know-it-all without actually providing the information. For example, he referenced "survivor forums" (he used the quotation marks which didn't sit well with me, as if he's mocking it???) for victims of narcissistic abuse. He went on to say, "Yep, there are actually many online forums for people who have encountered a narcissist's behavior."
And then he does not list them. Doesn't tell you where you could find them.
So he's stroking his own ego. "I know SO much about this topic! But let's move on to the next subject, shall we?"
I lost track of how many times he simply stated, "Yep, there has been extensive research on the subject about this." And provides NOTHING ABOUT IT.
He rambled about psychopaths. A lot. Which his previous book was about (and he certainly let you know how many people LOVED that book!). But I'm reading THIS book about narcissists. If I wanted to know about psychopaths, I would read the book about psychopaths (I certainly won't waste my time with this incredibly pretentious author but you get the idea).
Sure, there can be some overlap. But he never, ever addressed other co-existing disorders, or disorders that might be mistaken for narcissism, i.e. BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). He only focused on psychopaths because that's what he'd already written about (and since it was well-received, maybe he can get more ego strokes if he keeps bringing it up!)
I had to take a breather when the author decided to dedicate an ENTIRE CHAPTER to the appearance of cars and how their outward look became more "aggressive" over time with slanted headlights that "looked like narrowed eyes." So that was a "clear sign" of an increasingly narcissistic culture.
And this is a serious case to support his statements??? Slanted headlights that look like narrowed eyes???
Not only did he admittedly not know a single thing about cars, but this entire chapter is purely the author blowing smoke. It has nothing to do with the topic at hand. It provides no information. Why on EARTH are we talking about cars with slanted headlights in a book about narcissism???
This book reads like a college student who didn't do any homework for the assignment so he bullsh*tted his way through the final paper on the night before it was due, word-salad-ing along until he reached the required word count. There is NO substance to this book. It has absolutely no foundation to stand on. Nothing that anyone can learn from it.
In fact, some of his "advice" on how to "confront a narcissist" could REALLY get someone hurt if they're in a bad situation.
I wouldn't even recommend this book to a beginner. It's so, so useless. I'm absolutely appalled.
April 28, 2022
Some good information, but also some different ideas than what I have previously read about narcissistic people. Worth reading, especially if you are dealing with narcissists in your life. In those cases we really need all the information and skills possible. I would recommend to people in situations like that.
June 21, 2022
Real Rating: 3.5* of five
HAPPY PUB DAY! 21 June 2022
US society, it seems, is a narcissism-generating machine. Largely dealt with in silence, the harm narcissistic people cause in public and private spheres impacts all of us. In any relationship, a narcissist uses very specific strategies to control you, and the conversation about them, so they appear brilliant at all times. A recent scandal involving a specific Hollywood star's behavior towards another person is understandable more completely in this light. Doubtless you can see many traits in the stories the author uses to explain narcissism that adhere to lots of folks you know...but never knew why you had trouble warming up to them.
A word of caution: Don't think you're suddenly a mental-health professional and run around diagnosing others. They won't like it, and it will bite you hard. The author is careful, unsurprisingly since his brand is as a communicator, to state that he is synthesizing research and presenting conclusions based on data, not on his mental-health expertise.
HAPPY PUB DAY! 21 June 2022
US society, it seems, is a narcissism-generating machine. Largely dealt with in silence, the harm narcissistic people cause in public and private spheres impacts all of us. In any relationship, a narcissist uses very specific strategies to control you, and the conversation about them, so they appear brilliant at all times. A recent scandal involving a specific Hollywood star's behavior towards another person is understandable more completely in this light. Doubtless you can see many traits in the stories the author uses to explain narcissism that adhere to lots of folks you know...but never knew why you had trouble warming up to them.
A word of caution: Don't think you're suddenly a mental-health professional and run around diagnosing others. They won't like it, and it will bite you hard. The author is careful, unsurprisingly since his brand is as a communicator, to state that he is synthesizing research and presenting conclusions based on data, not on his mental-health expertise.
March 30, 2022
I like to figure out why people do what they do, so I found this book fascinating. The author, writing in a friendly conversational style, tells us how to identify a narcissist, or someone with narcissistic personality disorder, or a person who just has some of these traits. We can blame permissive parents or the Internet, but some of these behaviors may be hard wired, involving some nature and some nurture. It does seem that nowadays more people are focused on what THEY want rather than trying to consider how their behavior might affect others. I liked the authors’ example: “If the person sitting in the front row of the airplane leans the seat back as far as it will go…this spreads all the way back, until…the person in the last row has nowhere to go. Sometimes I get the feeling that a growing number of us have started pushing our seats back all the way.” Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC.
March 17, 2024
Since this is not written by a trained mental health professional, it's hard for me to recommend this book to anyone. If you decide to read it, it's a decent primer to the topic, but you definitely should read more from those who work in the field of psychology and directly with people who have NPD.
The 2nd third of the book about collective narcissism was not very helpful in dealing with interpersonal relationships, and honestly, read very much just like the author letting off steam about how they don't care for social media, like one of those viral Facebook posts that sounds profound, but really is just griping about how kids these days are ruining society. I think there is validity in exploring the traits of narcissism within the culture, but this approach felt very judgmental, rather than a critical analysis.
In the last third it focuses on parenting and again, these are all the authors opinions who is not a trained professional on parenting. While there is certainly room to critique parents, the author makes a lot of generalizations that group those who follow a more conscious parenting approach, in with a small percentage of parents who may be making choices that don’t enforce boundaries. By not defining the difference between any parenting modalities or citing anything other than anecdotal research, he ends up implying that anything less than an authoritarian style could result in raising a narcissist., despite the mountain of research that shows the benefits of a more emotional intelligence parenting approach. The author makes no distinction, which makes me think they either aren’t familiar with different parenting techniques and the research behind them or doesn’t think they are valid. Regardless, this book is presented as an expert view point but the author has no credentials in the field of family psychology.
I am reading this from an American perspective while the author is Swedish, so that definitely influences our differing opinions on how this topic is discussed, but at the end of the day this was written by someone outside of the mental health field. The author is a motivational coach and public speaker who has found a niche they can write about and market in a very appealing way.
So to really drive home my main feeling: I caution anyone picking this up. Do not take this as the be all and end all of NPD and I encourage you to read one of the many books on this topic authored by someone with a degree in counseling and treating mental health issues.
***Thank you to Macmillan Audio for providing me with the Audiobook for free via NetGalley for an unbiased review.
The 2nd third of the book about collective narcissism was not very helpful in dealing with interpersonal relationships, and honestly, read very much just like the author letting off steam about how they don't care for social media, like one of those viral Facebook posts that sounds profound, but really is just griping about how kids these days are ruining society. I think there is validity in exploring the traits of narcissism within the culture, but this approach felt very judgmental, rather than a critical analysis.
In the last third it focuses on parenting and again, these are all the authors opinions who is not a trained professional on parenting. While there is certainly room to critique parents, the author makes a lot of generalizations that group those who follow a more conscious parenting approach, in with a small percentage of parents who may be making choices that don’t enforce boundaries. By not defining the difference between any parenting modalities or citing anything other than anecdotal research, he ends up implying that anything less than an authoritarian style could result in raising a narcissist., despite the mountain of research that shows the benefits of a more emotional intelligence parenting approach. The author makes no distinction, which makes me think they either aren’t familiar with different parenting techniques and the research behind them or doesn’t think they are valid. Regardless, this book is presented as an expert view point but the author has no credentials in the field of family psychology.
I am reading this from an American perspective while the author is Swedish, so that definitely influences our differing opinions on how this topic is discussed, but at the end of the day this was written by someone outside of the mental health field. The author is a motivational coach and public speaker who has found a niche they can write about and market in a very appealing way.
So to really drive home my main feeling: I caution anyone picking this up. Do not take this as the be all and end all of NPD and I encourage you to read one of the many books on this topic authored by someone with a degree in counseling and treating mental health issues.
***Thank you to Macmillan Audio for providing me with the Audiobook for free via NetGalley for an unbiased review.
June 5, 2022
Thanks Thomas Erikson for such an informative book that really opened my eyes. I have a family member in my life that just drives me crazy. She is my sister-in-law. For years I have put up with her controlling everything that happens in my life and other members of our family. She is usually wrong about everything, but will never admit it even after you prove her wrong. If we have a family event planned she seems like she isn't happy unless she is in control. She will have to be in charge and make changes to all of our plans. I now realize she is a narcissist after reading your book. The more I turned the pages the more it described her to a tee. I have gone years where I quit speaking to her at all and kept my distance from her. I felt bad because it made my husband (her brother) and my teenage daughter feel like they had to choose sides. With the help of the simple, four-color behavioral model made famous in Surrounded by Idiots, Erikson provides all the tools you need to manage not just the narcissists around you but everyday narcissistic behaviors as well–something that is becoming more widespread in the age of social media. Your book helped me understand what makes narcissist tick, and how to handle them without getting really angry and saying things you will regret. She texted me out of the blue and said we are going to stop giving Christmas presents but will give birthday presents since things are getting so expensive. I was so annoyed that I let her have it. I did text her back and made a sincere apology, but she has decided not to talk to me. I am now a horrible person. I think I have done all I can with her. I can't do anything else but apologize and I have apologized with all my heart. I know I will keep my cool with the next narcissist I come across thanks to your great book. What is so strange I received your book the next day after our disagreement and blowup. Highly recommend. I am going to give her your book for Christmas even though she decided we weren't going to give Christmas presents. I think she really needs it. lol
November 10, 2022
DNF @ 34%
Just lost interest. The "colours of people" (red/green/blue/yellow), I can't remember which colour is for which type of person and I just got lost. If it wasn't for the colours thing, I might have hung in there longer.
Just lost interest. The "colours of people" (red/green/blue/yellow), I can't remember which colour is for which type of person and I just got lost. If it wasn't for the colours thing, I might have hung in there longer.
August 27, 2022
OK, so you have always heard of them, and you know they are out there, but you have never really had to deal with one in your life, well it's time to pick up a book and read all about them, before one of them gets their claws into you!
Erikson helps us to understand, Identify and run as fast as you can.........sort of joking, not really!
The first half of the book deals with the four different personality types we all encounter and then he goes on the talk about easily identifying the Narcissist, then he offers up real life solutions for handling them if you are either married to one or related to one. If you happen to work for one then he suggests, quit and get another job! The second half of the book he gives examples of the differnt levels of narcisstic behaviours and talks extensively about the frightening and common appearance of this behaviour that is now permeating through our society at an alarming rate.
Overall this is a very interesting read and I for one am greatful that I now understand how to identify and handle a narcissict.
Erikson helps us to understand, Identify and run as fast as you can.........sort of joking, not really!
The first half of the book deals with the four different personality types we all encounter and then he goes on the talk about easily identifying the Narcissist, then he offers up real life solutions for handling them if you are either married to one or related to one. If you happen to work for one then he suggests, quit and get another job! The second half of the book he gives examples of the differnt levels of narcisstic behaviours and talks extensively about the frightening and common appearance of this behaviour that is now permeating through our society at an alarming rate.
Overall this is a very interesting read and I for one am greatful that I now understand how to identify and handle a narcissict.
November 2, 2022
Surrounded by Narcissists by Thomas Erikson
Surrounded by Narcissists by Thomas Erikson is a Pop psych/self-help book about dealing with Narcissistic people. In the book, Erikson discusses Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), how to deal with Narcissistic people and how social media encourages Narcissistic behavior.
I am writing this review awhile after I read the book. It is hard enough to give a critical review, but since this book is about psychology; I had to process my feelings about it. And my biggest feeling is that while there were some helpful and interesting parts to this book, it is more harmful than anything. But let’s start with the “good”.
I think Erikson’s description of NPD seemed to be correct. But he is not a mental health professional and neither am I, so I don’t know. But, it is in line with what I have read previously and the DSM. He also gives some useful advice on how to deal with narcissistic people in your life.
Where it goes off the rails is the rants about narcissism in social media culture. Which really ends up sounds like the old man complaining about kids having too much fun.
Pop psychology is going to keep beating this dead horse about how social media harms us, even though there really is not enough evidence to support any of it. And truly when he gets into this section of his book, there is nothing evidence based on it.
He says weird things like how protecting yourself from narcissism is realizing you are not special. Then he goes up to say they are a few special people like Kim Kardashian and Bill Gates. He says don’t be an influencer, work hard. Then actually says people like Kim Kardashian worked hard! She is the definition of a jobless influencer.
He also blames parents for letting their children wear shirts that said spoiled or letting their daughters think they are princesses. Why do I want this harmfulness? Because there are little girls, queer kids and BIPOC need to be told they are special. Because people keep complaining about selfie culture as if the upper class did not have things like “portrait culture”. There have always been “selfies” but now the working classes can do it and feel special too. But, of course, that would rub self-help authors the wrong way. What if people did not feel bad about themselves? Fewer book sales. No, I don’t think Thomas Erikson has bad intentions, but he does not seem to have the expertise for the subject. Therefore, this book appears opportunistic, to cash in on the current obsession with narcissism.
Since I found a few parts of the book helpful but overall did not enjoy it, I gave in a two out of five stars.
Surrounded by Narcissists by Thomas Erikson is a Pop psych/self-help book about dealing with Narcissistic people. In the book, Erikson discusses Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), how to deal with Narcissistic people and how social media encourages Narcissistic behavior.
I am writing this review awhile after I read the book. It is hard enough to give a critical review, but since this book is about psychology; I had to process my feelings about it. And my biggest feeling is that while there were some helpful and interesting parts to this book, it is more harmful than anything. But let’s start with the “good”.
I think Erikson’s description of NPD seemed to be correct. But he is not a mental health professional and neither am I, so I don’t know. But, it is in line with what I have read previously and the DSM. He also gives some useful advice on how to deal with narcissistic people in your life.
Where it goes off the rails is the rants about narcissism in social media culture. Which really ends up sounds like the old man complaining about kids having too much fun.
Pop psychology is going to keep beating this dead horse about how social media harms us, even though there really is not enough evidence to support any of it. And truly when he gets into this section of his book, there is nothing evidence based on it.
He says weird things like how protecting yourself from narcissism is realizing you are not special. Then he goes up to say they are a few special people like Kim Kardashian and Bill Gates. He says don’t be an influencer, work hard. Then actually says people like Kim Kardashian worked hard! She is the definition of a jobless influencer.
He also blames parents for letting their children wear shirts that said spoiled or letting their daughters think they are princesses. Why do I want this harmfulness? Because there are little girls, queer kids and BIPOC need to be told they are special. Because people keep complaining about selfie culture as if the upper class did not have things like “portrait culture”. There have always been “selfies” but now the working classes can do it and feel special too. But, of course, that would rub self-help authors the wrong way. What if people did not feel bad about themselves? Fewer book sales. No, I don’t think Thomas Erikson has bad intentions, but he does not seem to have the expertise for the subject. Therefore, this book appears opportunistic, to cash in on the current obsession with narcissism.
Since I found a few parts of the book helpful but overall did not enjoy it, I gave in a two out of five stars.
November 3, 2023
The author admits he doesn’t know anything about narcissists and it shows. This is my particular area of interest, so I like to read new books on the subject, but I’d give this one a miss. The book is a very basic look at the concept of narcissism. It only covers grandiose/overt narcissists who you might come across as an adult, and mostly in social settings. So, if you picked this book up because you’ve been the victim of narcissistic parent, partner, or close friend, this book won’t help you.
It doesn’t help the author uses his own red, yellow, blue and green colour coding system for the personality types of potential victims. This is borrowed from his previous book on psychopaths, and it only serves to make the complex world of narcissism feel even more complicated. And, no sooner has the author described his four personality types, he then tells us people can be a combination of two or three of the colours anyway, rendering the whole thing a meaningless exercise. It would have been better if he had just got on talking about narcissists and what they do with some level of detail. Unfortunately, it’s all quite vague. The author clearly has no real knowledge or insight on this subject. You’d be better off reading a few online articles on narcissistic personality disorder for the same overview.
To be fair, there’s nothing actually wrong with anything written in the book, but it’s of such limited usefulness, it’s not worth bothering with.
It doesn’t help the author uses his own red, yellow, blue and green colour coding system for the personality types of potential victims. This is borrowed from his previous book on psychopaths, and it only serves to make the complex world of narcissism feel even more complicated. And, no sooner has the author described his four personality types, he then tells us people can be a combination of two or three of the colours anyway, rendering the whole thing a meaningless exercise. It would have been better if he had just got on talking about narcissists and what they do with some level of detail. Unfortunately, it’s all quite vague. The author clearly has no real knowledge or insight on this subject. You’d be better off reading a few online articles on narcissistic personality disorder for the same overview.
To be fair, there’s nothing actually wrong with anything written in the book, but it’s of such limited usefulness, it’s not worth bothering with.
July 5, 2022
What an informative and entertaining book about narcissism! I learned a lot about this topic and glad that this non-fiction book was presented in an easy to understand way! It was not too sciency and the narrator was great! It explains what narcissism is, narcissistic traits which is different from narcissistic personality disorder, the difference between a narcissist and a psychopath, how to handle a narcissist and so much more!
I do feel that reading about the four-colour behavioral model in the author's previous book Surrounded by Idiots may help to understand certain area in this book much more.
Overall, this was a good book to go to if you want to learn about narcissism. I thoroughly enjoyed it and planning on reading the author's backlisted books starting with Surrounded by Psychopaths.
Pub. Date: June 21st, 2022
***Thank you St. Martin's Essentials and NetGalley for this gifted reading copy. All opinions expressed are my own.***
I do feel that reading about the four-colour behavioral model in the author's previous book Surrounded by Idiots may help to understand certain area in this book much more.
Overall, this was a good book to go to if you want to learn about narcissism. I thoroughly enjoyed it and planning on reading the author's backlisted books starting with Surrounded by Psychopaths.
Pub. Date: June 21st, 2022
***Thank you St. Martin's Essentials and NetGalley for this gifted reading copy. All opinions expressed are my own.***
November 21, 2022
3.5 stars.
I was really enjoying this book and getting a lot out of it in the first sections. I felt validated and less crazy about the two closest people in my life who I recently have come to the conclusion are both narcissists and that I somehow attract them without realizing it. I learned a lot of warning signs, and appreciated the reiteration to get as far away from them as possible. The 3rd part of the book lost me though. Ironically a lot of this section of the book sounded almost narcissistic to me. I was lost in what sounded more like complaining about the current state of affairs between adults and their children and less about learning how to stop those behaviors, although there were glimpses here and there. If the 3rd section hadn't have been a part of this book, I would have given it 4 stars.
I was really enjoying this book and getting a lot out of it in the first sections. I felt validated and less crazy about the two closest people in my life who I recently have come to the conclusion are both narcissists and that I somehow attract them without realizing it. I learned a lot of warning signs, and appreciated the reiteration to get as far away from them as possible. The 3rd part of the book lost me though. Ironically a lot of this section of the book sounded almost narcissistic to me. I was lost in what sounded more like complaining about the current state of affairs between adults and their children and less about learning how to stop those behaviors, although there were glimpses here and there. If the 3rd section hadn't have been a part of this book, I would have given it 4 stars.
December 29, 2022
mozno by som mala prestat but i wont
July 3, 2024
Thomas Eriksons vermakelijke en treffende beschrijvingen van menselijk gedrag hebben van 'Omringd door idioten' en zijn andere boeken wereldwijde bestsellers gemaakt. In dit nieuwe boek verdiept hij zich in het enorme ego van narcisten. Hoe herken je een narcist? Hoe ga je met een narcist om? En ben je zelf er misschien een?
'Omringd door narcisten' beschrijft narcistisch gedrag en wijst op de gevolgen ervan – voor ieder van ons en voor de samenleving als geheel. Thomas Erikson leert je om op praktische en eenvoudige wijze zijn bekende kleurenschema toe te passen zodat je beter om kunt gaan met de narcist in jouw omgeving. En die hebben we allemaal…
Af en toe lees ik ook non-fictie en dit boek over narcisme is er eentje van. Helaas heb ik ook met mensen met narcisme (of in ieder geval: héél veel kenmerken hiervan) te maken gehad. Ik was dan ook benieuwd of ik bepaalde dingen zou herkennen en antwoorden op mijn vragen zou krijgen.
Het is belangrijk dat je weet welke kleur je bent qua persoonlijkheid. Hiervoor kun je online een testje doen. Ik kwam erachter dat bij mij 'groen' en 'blauw' het meeste aanwezig waren. Ook is het misschien slim dat je eerst 'Omringd door idioten' leest, want hier worden alle kleuren erg uitgebreid besproken.
Thomas is gedragswetenschapper en weet dus behoorlijk wat van gedrag, wel geeft hij in dit boek toe dat hij niet alles over narcisme weet. Je hebt dus niet met een echte psychiater te maken.
Toch vond ik de eerste hoofdstukken erg interessant en kwam dan ook veel dingen tegen die ik herkende uit de mensen waar ik mee te maken heb gehad. Er wordt dan ook uitgelegd hoe je "als kleur" waarschijnlijk hier op reageert.
Vervolgens legt hij ook uit hoe je het beste kunt reageren of handelen. Dat vond ik erg interessant, want het is meteen een eye opener voor jezelf. Je leert jezelf hierdoor dus ook meteen een beetje beter kennen.
Het einde vond ik dan een beetje minder en wat langdradiger en daardoor ben ik dan ook wat gezakt in mijn beoordeling. Ik ben wel enorm benieuwd naar zijn andere boeken en ik denk dat ik binnenkort begin aan 'Omringd door psychopaten'.
Beoordeling: 3,5 ⭐️
'Omringd door narcisten' beschrijft narcistisch gedrag en wijst op de gevolgen ervan – voor ieder van ons en voor de samenleving als geheel. Thomas Erikson leert je om op praktische en eenvoudige wijze zijn bekende kleurenschema toe te passen zodat je beter om kunt gaan met de narcist in jouw omgeving. En die hebben we allemaal…
Af en toe lees ik ook non-fictie en dit boek over narcisme is er eentje van. Helaas heb ik ook met mensen met narcisme (of in ieder geval: héél veel kenmerken hiervan) te maken gehad. Ik was dan ook benieuwd of ik bepaalde dingen zou herkennen en antwoorden op mijn vragen zou krijgen.
Het is belangrijk dat je weet welke kleur je bent qua persoonlijkheid. Hiervoor kun je online een testje doen. Ik kwam erachter dat bij mij 'groen' en 'blauw' het meeste aanwezig waren. Ook is het misschien slim dat je eerst 'Omringd door idioten' leest, want hier worden alle kleuren erg uitgebreid besproken.
Thomas is gedragswetenschapper en weet dus behoorlijk wat van gedrag, wel geeft hij in dit boek toe dat hij niet alles over narcisme weet. Je hebt dus niet met een echte psychiater te maken.
Toch vond ik de eerste hoofdstukken erg interessant en kwam dan ook veel dingen tegen die ik herkende uit de mensen waar ik mee te maken heb gehad. Er wordt dan ook uitgelegd hoe je "als kleur" waarschijnlijk hier op reageert.
Vervolgens legt hij ook uit hoe je het beste kunt reageren of handelen. Dat vond ik erg interessant, want het is meteen een eye opener voor jezelf. Je leert jezelf hierdoor dus ook meteen een beetje beter kennen.
Het einde vond ik dan een beetje minder en wat langdradiger en daardoor ben ik dan ook wat gezakt in mijn beoordeling. Ik ben wel enorm benieuwd naar zijn andere boeken en ik denk dat ik binnenkort begin aan 'Omringd door psychopaten'.
Beoordeling: 3,5 ⭐️
July 5, 2025
The book works as a nice and lightweight introduction to narcissism and definitely brings validation to readers who have encountered narcissists in their lives. They present certain good tactics to navigate life around people with narcissistic tendencies, which is why I am giving two stars.
However unfortunately, the narrative is shadowed by the author’s biases and opinions, which lead to conclusions that don’t seem to hold logically. They claim to cite research, but they choose to cherry-pick certain results that support their narrative and yet still manage to make statements that are inconsistent with the presented evidence (for example in discussing topics of self-esteem and comparison). Especially the last part on narcissistic culture seems more like a frustrated rant on today’s social media culture and how parents have become too soft rather than a sharp analysis of science and practice.
If you have absolutely never heard of narcissism or are looking for some action points on how to move forward in a relationship with a narcissist, this book might be an easy introduction and serve as a good tool for you. If you are looking for a more objective or deeper description of the pshycological phenomena or would like to understand different types of narcissism, e.g covert narcissism, don’t bother. Bonus points for being an easy read, though.
However unfortunately, the narrative is shadowed by the author’s biases and opinions, which lead to conclusions that don’t seem to hold logically. They claim to cite research, but they choose to cherry-pick certain results that support their narrative and yet still manage to make statements that are inconsistent with the presented evidence (for example in discussing topics of self-esteem and comparison). Especially the last part on narcissistic culture seems more like a frustrated rant on today’s social media culture and how parents have become too soft rather than a sharp analysis of science and practice.
If you have absolutely never heard of narcissism or are looking for some action points on how to move forward in a relationship with a narcissist, this book might be an easy introduction and serve as a good tool for you. If you are looking for a more objective or deeper description of the pshycological phenomena or would like to understand different types of narcissism, e.g covert narcissism, don’t bother. Bonus points for being an easy read, though.
August 1, 2023
DNF @ pg 125 (42%)
I may come back to this but honestly, 125 pages in and I already feel like I'm starting to read the same stuff again. So I'm kinda done with it.
This was really fascinating to start with. Having experience with several narcissists meant I spent a lot of the time nodding along and agreeing. I think I needed to know that I wasn't making things up, these people really were at fault; it wasn't all in my head. So I appreciate that.
However, once time saw my rage die down, this book read more like a guy ranting about narcissists than actually providing any evidence-based information or coping strategies. There's not actually a lot of substance beyond him discussing how much narcissists suck.
I'm all for a rant, but 300-odd pages is too long.
So it stopped working for me, and I just had no desire to pick it back up.
I found all the information I needed in Rebecca Ray's Difficult People, which was much better written and far more insightful. I'd recommend that as an alternative to this.
I may come back to this but honestly, 125 pages in and I already feel like I'm starting to read the same stuff again. So I'm kinda done with it.
This was really fascinating to start with. Having experience with several narcissists meant I spent a lot of the time nodding along and agreeing. I think I needed to know that I wasn't making things up, these people really were at fault; it wasn't all in my head. So I appreciate that.
However, once time saw my rage die down, this book read more like a guy ranting about narcissists than actually providing any evidence-based information or coping strategies. There's not actually a lot of substance beyond him discussing how much narcissists suck.
I'm all for a rant, but 300-odd pages is too long.
So it stopped working for me, and I just had no desire to pick it back up.
I found all the information I needed in Rebecca Ray's Difficult People, which was much better written and far more insightful. I'd recommend that as an alternative to this.
Read
June 24, 2025Gelezen omdat ik lesgeef over compartimentalisering. Als je Jordan Peterson meermaals aanhaalt als inspiratiebron dan weet ik al hoe het zit met je wetenschappelijk inzicht. Sorry, not sorry. Niet ok.
June 9, 2022
Surrounded by Narcissists by Thomas Erikson (This book comes out June 21.)
What a fascinating read! I don’t usually read books that are nonfiction during the school year, but I made an exception for this book and I am glad I did. I found the information presented interesting and informative. It was written in a manner that was easily understood with examples that were important for understanding.
The narcissistic personality is a certified personality disorder and does not have a high cure rate. The explanation of the various symptoms and behaviors really clearly delineated the difference between people who are vain or have some narcissistic traits and a true narcissist and how they might operate. I particularly liked that he used the colors (from the four Color Personality Test) of red, green, yellow and blue and he used those colors to help you understand how a narcissistic personality could manipulate you.
I would suggest that you consider purchasing this book in print - so you can flip through the sections that might not directly affect you which will allow you to focus on what is important to you, the reader. Surrounded by Narcissists by Thomas Erikson was an interesting read.
What a fascinating read! I don’t usually read books that are nonfiction during the school year, but I made an exception for this book and I am glad I did. I found the information presented interesting and informative. It was written in a manner that was easily understood with examples that were important for understanding.
The narcissistic personality is a certified personality disorder and does not have a high cure rate. The explanation of the various symptoms and behaviors really clearly delineated the difference between people who are vain or have some narcissistic traits and a true narcissist and how they might operate. I particularly liked that he used the colors (from the four Color Personality Test) of red, green, yellow and blue and he used those colors to help you understand how a narcissistic personality could manipulate you.
I would suggest that you consider purchasing this book in print - so you can flip through the sections that might not directly affect you which will allow you to focus on what is important to you, the reader. Surrounded by Narcissists by Thomas Erikson was an interesting read.
June 21, 2022
Thank you to NetGalley for allowing me to give my honest review on Surrounded by a narcissist.
Surrounded by a narcissist explains what a narcissist is, How to determine the characteristics of a narcissist, and How to tell the difference between a narcissist and a Psychopath. It does talk about the Jail system and goes in-depth with what they need and how to satisfy them.
I do think this book can have you looking at people sideways because you are analyzing people base off what you learned.
Very good information
Surrounded by a narcissist explains what a narcissist is, How to determine the characteristics of a narcissist, and How to tell the difference between a narcissist and a Psychopath. It does talk about the Jail system and goes in-depth with what they need and how to satisfy them.
I do think this book can have you looking at people sideways because you are analyzing people base off what you learned.
Very good information
September 13, 2022
Protecting yourself from narcissists
These days, narcissists are everywhere. In addition to politicians and social media influencers, there might even be a couple of narcissists you know personally. Maybe you’re sick of a self-obsessed friend or losing patience with your partner’s manipulative tendencies.
Luckily, behavior expert Thomas Erikson has identified some helpful strategies for dealing with narcissists. We’ll cover a few of these techniques, which you can use in any egocentric-driven situation.
You probably won’t be able to change these individuals. But if you can recognize certain behaviors and learn how to respond, you’ll avoid getting manipulated or hurt.
---
Narcissists hurt people, and are very unlikely to change.
As you reflect on the egocentric people you know, you might be wondering, Are narcissists really that bad? They’re annoying – but it’s not like they’re violent psychopaths. They’re not dangerous . . . right?
Well, it depends on how you define “dangerous.” Narcissists can certainly be psychologically dangerous. Cheating, lying, manipulating, gaslighting, love bombing, playing mind games – all of these harmful behaviors can damage people’s mental health.
And it’s especially damaging to those of us who have close emotional relationships with narcissists. Individuals who were once romantically involved with a narcissist sometimes refer to themselves as “survivors.” The person who initially seemed charming, showering them with gifts and affection, later turned out to be cold, critical, and manipulative.
So yes, to go back to that question from earlier – narcissists really are that bad. And unfortunately, there’s not much we can do about it. They can’t be “cured.” That’s because narcissism is a personality disorder, not an illness. In fact, 1 to 2 percent of the population are estimated to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD.
Although there are various types of treatment for NPD, including psychotherapy and cognitive behavioral therapy, there’s no evidence that any of them actually work.
True narcissists – people who actually have NPD – can’t be cured. There might be some hope for other narcissists – people who display narcissistic tendencies but don’t have the disorder. But it’s doubtful. In order for a person to change, they need to want to change. Ask a narcissist if they want to be cured, and their response is likely to be, Cured from what? After all, they benefit from manipulating other people.
You may be able to ask, or encourage, someone exhibiting narcissistic tendencies to improve their behavior. But if you aren't seeing any change, this might end up hurting you. So save your energy for a different strategy – which we’ll get to next.
---
Use self-awareness to deal with narcissists.
Maybe you’re still not entirely convinced of the risks posed by narcissists. As long as you don’t let yourself get manipulated, what’s the problem?
The problem is this: to a certain degree, everyone is susceptible to narcissists. They’re masters of manipulation, and even experts get taken in.
Erikson tells a story about a researcher. For some reason, this researcher decided to lend his Mercedes to a narcissist who’d just been released from prison. Unsurprisingly, the researcher never saw his car again.
Narcissists prey on everyone – but especially their opposites, empaths. Empathetic people are easy targets because they’re more likely to respond to a narcissist’s call for help. An empath will believe a narcissist who’s playing the victim. And eventually, the empath becomes the victim. It’s a wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing situation.
So far we’ve been looking outward, focusing on the common characteristics of narcissists. But now it’s time to look inward and do a little self-reflection. Before you confront the narcissist in your life, you need to know exactly what your own strengths and weaknesses are.
For this, let’s use the color system. If you’re familiar with Erikson’s other books, such as Surrounded by Idiots or Surrounded by Setbacks, you might already know how this works. If not, no problem. We’ll go through it quickly now.
The color system is part of a behavior assessment known as DISC. Essentially, it’s a way of categorizing the different personality types. There are four colors: red, yellow, green, and blue. Each one corresponds to a different kind of personality.
Reds are fact-focused extroverts. They’re very driven and good at problem-solving, but they have to be in control. When they feel like they’re losing control, reds freak out.
Then there are yellows. They’re extroverts too, but they’re more focused on relationships. They’re optimists who enjoy interacting with others. Yellows don’t cope well with isolation or rejection.
Next are greens. They’re relationship-focused introverts who tend to be kind and caring. Greens are often averse to change and conflict.
And finally, there are blues. Blues are fact-focused introverts. They’re thoughtful and conscientious, but they also have a weakness – a fear of public humiliation.
Now, you may be wondering why all this matters. And what does it have to do with handling narcissists? Well, different colors tend to react differently when faced with narcissistic behavior.
Also, because narcissists are such skilled manipulators, they tend to take advantage of people’s weaknesses. If you’re already aware of your own weaknesses and how you’re likely to behave in certain situations, you’ll be better prepared.
So pause for a moment, and think about which color you identify with most.
---
Set boundaries, and if necessary, cut ties to break free from a narcissist.
Now you know how to handle a conversation with a narcissist. Unfortunately, though, it’s unlikely to be a one-off. If someone has been manipulative once, they’re bound to do it again.
That’s why you’ll need some additional methods for dealing with narcissists. Let’s look at how to set boundaries.
Say the narcissist is your partner. They can be manipulative at times, but what really bothers you is how critical they are (another common trait of narcissists, by the way). You’ve had enough of your partner’s behavior, but you don’t want to break up – not yet, anyway. You’re going to give them another chance.
First, explain that you plan to put more emphasis on your own needs. Then, tell your partner how you expect to be treated: My needs matter too. I want to be treated with respect from now on.
Next, set boundaries. Give examples of unacceptable behavior, and make it clear you will no longer tolerate it: I’ve had enough of being criticized for every little thing. I won’t put up with it anymore.
Ask your partner to recognize that your needs or opinions may be different from theirs: You may not always agree with my point of view, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
Explain that you expect the relationship to improve, now that you’ve set these boundaries: I think I’ve made my feelings clear, so things should get better, right?
Finally, ask your partner to confirm that they’ve understood – and to promise that they’re going to make an effort: Do you understand what I’ve just said? Are you going to try to change?
And that’s all there is to it. Basically, you’re establishing a framework. You’re telling your partner what has to change in order for the relationship to work.
After that, if your partner continues to treat you badly, walk away.
Remember, true narcissists can’t change. Do you really want to maintain a relationship with someone like that? You can pause the conversation or set boundaries as many times as you like, but the narcissist will always be, well, a narcissist. Maybe they can’t help the way they are, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer.
Also, keep in mind that the boundary conversation only really works with partners, friends, and family. If you have a narcissistic boss, for example, it’s hard to dictate the terms of the relationship.
So, what are your other options?
Distance works. Distance yourself from the narcissist, both physically and emotionally, so you don’t get hurt. As a last resort, you may even have to cut ties. Quit your job. Break up with your partner. Stop responding to your friend’s messages.
And try not to feel bad about cutting a narcissist out of your life. You have the right to protect your emotional well-being.
---
Society is becoming more narcissistic.
You can break up with a partner or cut ties with a friend. But what if you feel like you’re literally surrounded by narcissists?
It’s not just the people you know personally. It’s politicians, fame-hungry Instagram influencers, reality TV stars . . . narcissism is everywhere.
True NPD may only affect 1 to 2 percent of people. But it’s been estimated that up to 20 percent of the population behave in a narcissistic way.
In The Narcissism Epidemic, published in 2009, psychologists Twenge and Campbell argue that narcissism is becoming dangerously widespread in American culture. Even people who don’t have NPD are behaving in narcissistic ways.
Narcissism has become normalized, and it’s on the rise. If you’re wondering why . . . well, so is Erikson. Most likely, it’s a combination of factors. Social media obviously has something to do with it.
Less obvious, perhaps, is the role of the self-help industry. For instance, think of the message of Rhonda Byrne’s best seller, The Secret, which was published in 2006. “You can have anything you want,” says Byrne, “as long as you want it enough.”
The idea of getting something for nothing is very appealing to narcissists. And when these kinds of beliefs are normalized, society becomes increasingly narcissistic.
Erikson thinks we should be worried not just about the narcissists we know, but also about collective narcissism. Any group can be collective narcissists. They might form around a political ideology, a faith, or a sports team.
Collective narcissists want their group to be accepted by others without question. They want people to not just agree with but admire them.
And if you’re not part of the group, watch out.
A decade ago, there was a scientific study on collective narcissism, which involved some participants from the US. These participants were asked to read an interview with a foreign exchange student. The student expressed a negative opinion of some aspects of the US.
After reading the interview, the American participants criticized the student’s nation. The group attacked an entire nation on the basis of a single individual’s comments.
And there’s a twist. After the study, the participants were told that the interview had been made up. The foreign student wasn’t real – and neither were his negative comments about the US. But despite this, some of the participants were still agitated. The truth didn’t seem to matter to them.
So, as you can see, collective narcissism has some troubling implications.
Culturally, there’s no quick fix. But what about protecting ourselves on an individual level?
The good news is that it’s easier than you think. If you’re dealing with a group of collective narcissists, you can use some of the same methods you would use with an individual narcissist: Take a break. Distance yourself.
In practical terms, that might mean a digital detox and staying off social media. Erikson also recommends keeping an eye out for – and avoiding – groups displaying disturbing behavioral patterns.
You may be surrounded by narcissists, but remember, you don’t have to engage with them.
---
Narcissists cause psychological damage. And although they’re probably incapable of change, you can change the way you respond to their behavior. If creating distance or setting boundaries doesn’t work, don’t let yourself be hurt or manipulated. Say goodbye to the narcissist – and break free once and for all.
Here’s some more actionable advice:
Make sure there are other people around.
Narcissists have a weak spot: they want to be admired, and they care about other people’s opinions. So if you’re worried about being manipulated, try to draw other people into the conversation rather than talk to the narcissist one-on-one. You could even postpone the discussion until you’re in a group setting. The narcissist will find it harder to manipulate you if there are witnesses.
These days, narcissists are everywhere. In addition to politicians and social media influencers, there might even be a couple of narcissists you know personally. Maybe you’re sick of a self-obsessed friend or losing patience with your partner’s manipulative tendencies.
Luckily, behavior expert Thomas Erikson has identified some helpful strategies for dealing with narcissists. We’ll cover a few of these techniques, which you can use in any egocentric-driven situation.
You probably won’t be able to change these individuals. But if you can recognize certain behaviors and learn how to respond, you’ll avoid getting manipulated or hurt.
---
Narcissists hurt people, and are very unlikely to change.
As you reflect on the egocentric people you know, you might be wondering, Are narcissists really that bad? They’re annoying – but it’s not like they’re violent psychopaths. They’re not dangerous . . . right?
Well, it depends on how you define “dangerous.” Narcissists can certainly be psychologically dangerous. Cheating, lying, manipulating, gaslighting, love bombing, playing mind games – all of these harmful behaviors can damage people’s mental health.
And it’s especially damaging to those of us who have close emotional relationships with narcissists. Individuals who were once romantically involved with a narcissist sometimes refer to themselves as “survivors.” The person who initially seemed charming, showering them with gifts and affection, later turned out to be cold, critical, and manipulative.
So yes, to go back to that question from earlier – narcissists really are that bad. And unfortunately, there’s not much we can do about it. They can’t be “cured.” That’s because narcissism is a personality disorder, not an illness. In fact, 1 to 2 percent of the population are estimated to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD.
Although there are various types of treatment for NPD, including psychotherapy and cognitive behavioral therapy, there’s no evidence that any of them actually work.
True narcissists – people who actually have NPD – can’t be cured. There might be some hope for other narcissists – people who display narcissistic tendencies but don’t have the disorder. But it’s doubtful. In order for a person to change, they need to want to change. Ask a narcissist if they want to be cured, and their response is likely to be, Cured from what? After all, they benefit from manipulating other people.
You may be able to ask, or encourage, someone exhibiting narcissistic tendencies to improve their behavior. But if you aren't seeing any change, this might end up hurting you. So save your energy for a different strategy – which we’ll get to next.
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Use self-awareness to deal with narcissists.
Maybe you’re still not entirely convinced of the risks posed by narcissists. As long as you don’t let yourself get manipulated, what’s the problem?
The problem is this: to a certain degree, everyone is susceptible to narcissists. They’re masters of manipulation, and even experts get taken in.
Erikson tells a story about a researcher. For some reason, this researcher decided to lend his Mercedes to a narcissist who’d just been released from prison. Unsurprisingly, the researcher never saw his car again.
Narcissists prey on everyone – but especially their opposites, empaths. Empathetic people are easy targets because they’re more likely to respond to a narcissist’s call for help. An empath will believe a narcissist who’s playing the victim. And eventually, the empath becomes the victim. It’s a wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing situation.
So far we’ve been looking outward, focusing on the common characteristics of narcissists. But now it’s time to look inward and do a little self-reflection. Before you confront the narcissist in your life, you need to know exactly what your own strengths and weaknesses are.
For this, let’s use the color system. If you’re familiar with Erikson’s other books, such as Surrounded by Idiots or Surrounded by Setbacks, you might already know how this works. If not, no problem. We’ll go through it quickly now.
The color system is part of a behavior assessment known as DISC. Essentially, it’s a way of categorizing the different personality types. There are four colors: red, yellow, green, and blue. Each one corresponds to a different kind of personality.
Reds are fact-focused extroverts. They’re very driven and good at problem-solving, but they have to be in control. When they feel like they’re losing control, reds freak out.
Then there are yellows. They’re extroverts too, but they’re more focused on relationships. They’re optimists who enjoy interacting with others. Yellows don’t cope well with isolation or rejection.
Next are greens. They’re relationship-focused introverts who tend to be kind and caring. Greens are often averse to change and conflict.
And finally, there are blues. Blues are fact-focused introverts. They’re thoughtful and conscientious, but they also have a weakness – a fear of public humiliation.
Now, you may be wondering why all this matters. And what does it have to do with handling narcissists? Well, different colors tend to react differently when faced with narcissistic behavior.
Also, because narcissists are such skilled manipulators, they tend to take advantage of people’s weaknesses. If you’re already aware of your own weaknesses and how you’re likely to behave in certain situations, you’ll be better prepared.
So pause for a moment, and think about which color you identify with most.
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Set boundaries, and if necessary, cut ties to break free from a narcissist.
Now you know how to handle a conversation with a narcissist. Unfortunately, though, it’s unlikely to be a one-off. If someone has been manipulative once, they’re bound to do it again.
That’s why you’ll need some additional methods for dealing with narcissists. Let’s look at how to set boundaries.
Say the narcissist is your partner. They can be manipulative at times, but what really bothers you is how critical they are (another common trait of narcissists, by the way). You’ve had enough of your partner’s behavior, but you don’t want to break up – not yet, anyway. You’re going to give them another chance.
First, explain that you plan to put more emphasis on your own needs. Then, tell your partner how you expect to be treated: My needs matter too. I want to be treated with respect from now on.
Next, set boundaries. Give examples of unacceptable behavior, and make it clear you will no longer tolerate it: I’ve had enough of being criticized for every little thing. I won’t put up with it anymore.
Ask your partner to recognize that your needs or opinions may be different from theirs: You may not always agree with my point of view, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.
Explain that you expect the relationship to improve, now that you’ve set these boundaries: I think I’ve made my feelings clear, so things should get better, right?
Finally, ask your partner to confirm that they’ve understood – and to promise that they’re going to make an effort: Do you understand what I’ve just said? Are you going to try to change?
And that’s all there is to it. Basically, you’re establishing a framework. You’re telling your partner what has to change in order for the relationship to work.
After that, if your partner continues to treat you badly, walk away.
Remember, true narcissists can’t change. Do you really want to maintain a relationship with someone like that? You can pause the conversation or set boundaries as many times as you like, but the narcissist will always be, well, a narcissist. Maybe they can’t help the way they are, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer.
Also, keep in mind that the boundary conversation only really works with partners, friends, and family. If you have a narcissistic boss, for example, it’s hard to dictate the terms of the relationship.
So, what are your other options?
Distance works. Distance yourself from the narcissist, both physically and emotionally, so you don’t get hurt. As a last resort, you may even have to cut ties. Quit your job. Break up with your partner. Stop responding to your friend’s messages.
And try not to feel bad about cutting a narcissist out of your life. You have the right to protect your emotional well-being.
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Society is becoming more narcissistic.
You can break up with a partner or cut ties with a friend. But what if you feel like you’re literally surrounded by narcissists?
It’s not just the people you know personally. It’s politicians, fame-hungry Instagram influencers, reality TV stars . . . narcissism is everywhere.
True NPD may only affect 1 to 2 percent of people. But it’s been estimated that up to 20 percent of the population behave in a narcissistic way.
In The Narcissism Epidemic, published in 2009, psychologists Twenge and Campbell argue that narcissism is becoming dangerously widespread in American culture. Even people who don’t have NPD are behaving in narcissistic ways.
Narcissism has become normalized, and it’s on the rise. If you’re wondering why . . . well, so is Erikson. Most likely, it’s a combination of factors. Social media obviously has something to do with it.
Less obvious, perhaps, is the role of the self-help industry. For instance, think of the message of Rhonda Byrne’s best seller, The Secret, which was published in 2006. “You can have anything you want,” says Byrne, “as long as you want it enough.”
The idea of getting something for nothing is very appealing to narcissists. And when these kinds of beliefs are normalized, society becomes increasingly narcissistic.
Erikson thinks we should be worried not just about the narcissists we know, but also about collective narcissism. Any group can be collective narcissists. They might form around a political ideology, a faith, or a sports team.
Collective narcissists want their group to be accepted by others without question. They want people to not just agree with but admire them.
And if you’re not part of the group, watch out.
A decade ago, there was a scientific study on collective narcissism, which involved some participants from the US. These participants were asked to read an interview with a foreign exchange student. The student expressed a negative opinion of some aspects of the US.
After reading the interview, the American participants criticized the student’s nation. The group attacked an entire nation on the basis of a single individual’s comments.
And there’s a twist. After the study, the participants were told that the interview had been made up. The foreign student wasn’t real – and neither were his negative comments about the US. But despite this, some of the participants were still agitated. The truth didn’t seem to matter to them.
So, as you can see, collective narcissism has some troubling implications.
Culturally, there’s no quick fix. But what about protecting ourselves on an individual level?
The good news is that it’s easier than you think. If you’re dealing with a group of collective narcissists, you can use some of the same methods you would use with an individual narcissist: Take a break. Distance yourself.
In practical terms, that might mean a digital detox and staying off social media. Erikson also recommends keeping an eye out for – and avoiding – groups displaying disturbing behavioral patterns.
You may be surrounded by narcissists, but remember, you don’t have to engage with them.
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Narcissists cause psychological damage. And although they’re probably incapable of change, you can change the way you respond to their behavior. If creating distance or setting boundaries doesn’t work, don’t let yourself be hurt or manipulated. Say goodbye to the narcissist – and break free once and for all.
Here’s some more actionable advice:
Make sure there are other people around.
Narcissists have a weak spot: they want to be admired, and they care about other people’s opinions. So if you’re worried about being manipulated, try to draw other people into the conversation rather than talk to the narcissist one-on-one. You could even postpone the discussion until you’re in a group setting. The narcissist will find it harder to manipulate you if there are witnesses.
August 21, 2025
I started reading Surrounded by Narcissists because the title hit a little too close to home. I'm dealing with a narcissist in my own life and was desperate for some clear guidance. My feelings about this book are completely split down the middle.
First, the good stuff. There were parts I genuinely found helpful. Erikson is good at breaking down the different types of narcissists and explaining where that behavior might come from in the first place. I found myself nodding along to the sections on how to spot a narcissist and how to tell the difference between someone having a selfish moment and someone who actually has a narcissistic personality. The practical advice on how to deal with them, like setting boundaries and protecting your energy, was useful. I also really appreciated the chapter on how not to raise a narcissistic kid; it felt practical.
But here's my big problem with the book, and it's a major one: I never fully trusted the author, and a lot of it felt like nonsense.
He has this habit of constantly undermining his own points. He’ll state something and then immediately follow it with, “I don’t know,” “I could be wrong,” or “I’m not sure.” After the third or fourth time, it stops sounding modest and starts to feel like he’s just guessing.
Even worse, he constantly goes off on weird side topics that have nothing to do with anything. The one that really stuck with me was this long, confusing comparison between Toyota and Audi "back then versus now." I kept reading, waiting for the point to connect to narcissism, and it just... didn't. It felt completely irrelevant and like he was just filling pages. Most of the time, it seems like he's saying whatever comes to mind. Honestly, he could have cut the page count in half by leaving out that kind of extra stuff.
When you’re dealing with something as serious and damaging as narcissistic abuse, you need an author to sound sure of their facts. You need them to have done the research. This just felt like he was following his gut instinct, and it made me doubt almost everything he said.
So, my verdict? There's some decent insight here, especially if you're completely new to the topic. But because the whole thing feels so shaky, unsupported, and filled out with irrelevant stories, I’d say take it with a huge grain of salt. It’s less a definitive guide and more one guy's rambling take, which is a shame because the subject desperately needs clarity, not more uncertainty.
First, the good stuff. There were parts I genuinely found helpful. Erikson is good at breaking down the different types of narcissists and explaining where that behavior might come from in the first place. I found myself nodding along to the sections on how to spot a narcissist and how to tell the difference between someone having a selfish moment and someone who actually has a narcissistic personality. The practical advice on how to deal with them, like setting boundaries and protecting your energy, was useful. I also really appreciated the chapter on how not to raise a narcissistic kid; it felt practical.
But here's my big problem with the book, and it's a major one: I never fully trusted the author, and a lot of it felt like nonsense.
He has this habit of constantly undermining his own points. He’ll state something and then immediately follow it with, “I don’t know,” “I could be wrong,” or “I’m not sure.” After the third or fourth time, it stops sounding modest and starts to feel like he’s just guessing.
Even worse, he constantly goes off on weird side topics that have nothing to do with anything. The one that really stuck with me was this long, confusing comparison between Toyota and Audi "back then versus now." I kept reading, waiting for the point to connect to narcissism, and it just... didn't. It felt completely irrelevant and like he was just filling pages. Most of the time, it seems like he's saying whatever comes to mind. Honestly, he could have cut the page count in half by leaving out that kind of extra stuff.
When you’re dealing with something as serious and damaging as narcissistic abuse, you need an author to sound sure of their facts. You need them to have done the research. This just felt like he was following his gut instinct, and it made me doubt almost everything he said.
So, my verdict? There's some decent insight here, especially if you're completely new to the topic. But because the whole thing feels so shaky, unsupported, and filled out with irrelevant stories, I’d say take it with a huge grain of salt. It’s less a definitive guide and more one guy's rambling take, which is a shame because the subject desperately needs clarity, not more uncertainty.
December 9, 2024
I really thought that this would talk more about the DISC profiles like Surrounded by Idiots. This book did not relate much and should probably be a standalone, rather than considered part of the series.
Also, some of the examples didn't make sense- one being that the front of cars supposedly looking more angry could "be generating more aggression" ??
Slightly disappointed with this book as I thought it would be more of a continuation of Surrounded by Idiots, not describing the traits of clinically diagnosed narcissists and expecting there to be clear correlation between them and many people we experience in our everyday lives with slight narcissistic traits.
Also, some of the examples didn't make sense- one being that the front of cars supposedly looking more angry could "be generating more aggression" ??
Slightly disappointed with this book as I thought it would be more of a continuation of Surrounded by Idiots, not describing the traits of clinically diagnosed narcissists and expecting there to be clear correlation between them and many people we experience in our everyday lives with slight narcissistic traits.
July 30, 2025
Hab abgebrochen. Zu dünne Recherche- und Quellenlage.
January 14, 2023
Blij verrast, het is een pak beter dan omringd door psychopaten
August 23, 2024
sehr interessantes thema und ziemlich angenehm geschrieben dafür dass es viele informationen enthält
August 2, 2025
I’m gonna be blunt as hell: this book isn’t worth it and if you wanna learn about narcissism you should read something else.
First of all, critical thinking encourages us to evaluate our source, and this man has no formal education, training, or licensure in psychology or behavioral science or the fields that undergird the shit he talks about!!! And I’m not someone who thinks the only way to gain expertise is through academia and the ivory towers, but we have to be accountable to our peers, the fields of our subjects, and rigorous analysis. This book fails in that regard. 🚮
As a therapist who knows and has worked with people with NPD as well as narcissistic defenses more generally, this book is poorly researched, poorly cited, and quite judgmental while giving a disappointingly superficial explanation of what these topics actually are.
This is the shitty kinda pop psychology that spreads like wildfire and causes more harm than good. Urgh. It’s got pseudoscience galore and a lot of his own opinions and anecdotes and FOR WHAT? This book is indeed “thought-provoking” in that it’s provoking me to think why the hell it got published. 🙄 and again, I’m not inherently opposed to pseudoscientific content or anecdotal evidence, but don’t obfuscate what it is and make it sound more legit than it is bro.
Where are the big names who’ve done work around narcissism? Why are they not cited? Why is a book trying to explain a concept and tout itself as useful for handling narcissism quoting, what, Freud? Jung? And quoting Jordan Peterson? Pleaseeeee.
Multiple times when he doesn’t understand a concept, he basically does a little jig of “if I don’t get it it must not be true” or strawman arguments. He also contradicts himself a lot, creating binaries that he then doesn’t support and acting like he was consistent all along? An unpleasant read on multiple levels.
This book also focuses a lot grandiose narcissists to the detriment of a holistic picture of narcissism. He does MENTION vulnerable narcissists, but it’s basically only a little nod. He mentions collective narcissists 3/4 of the way in and does go into more depth there. Overall, rather than contributing something new to the conversation or translating complex topics to something insightful yet digestible, it’s SSDD under the guise of contributing something. Also, the “DISC theory” and personality typing shit is overly simplistic, not terribly useful, not validated, and can even just be hard to follow in the ways he uses it.
He dips into invoking politics then bows out of commenting about politics because it’s “nowhere near my level of expertise” and “because of how complicated politics can get and because anyone can end up in trouble at any time for practically nothing.” 😐😑 Then he makes a “Both Sides Are Problematic” statement which…🙄
It’s giving “old man yells at cloud” vibes, which is particularly annoying because he also launches into parenting advice…?
I’m not going to reinvent the wheel here and do a point by excruciating point takedown since it’s easy to Google longer critiques of his work beyond just this one book. But DAMN part of me wants to because of how angry this all makes me 😡
Because it has SOME correct info mixed in with misguided shit, this is a volatile combination; to the untrained eye those two won’t be easy to distinguish! Again: better books, actual scientists, and even just better researchers overall. Skip this.
First of all, critical thinking encourages us to evaluate our source, and this man has no formal education, training, or licensure in psychology or behavioral science or the fields that undergird the shit he talks about!!! And I’m not someone who thinks the only way to gain expertise is through academia and the ivory towers, but we have to be accountable to our peers, the fields of our subjects, and rigorous analysis. This book fails in that regard. 🚮
As a therapist who knows and has worked with people with NPD as well as narcissistic defenses more generally, this book is poorly researched, poorly cited, and quite judgmental while giving a disappointingly superficial explanation of what these topics actually are.
This is the shitty kinda pop psychology that spreads like wildfire and causes more harm than good. Urgh. It’s got pseudoscience galore and a lot of his own opinions and anecdotes and FOR WHAT? This book is indeed “thought-provoking” in that it’s provoking me to think why the hell it got published. 🙄 and again, I’m not inherently opposed to pseudoscientific content or anecdotal evidence, but don’t obfuscate what it is and make it sound more legit than it is bro.
Where are the big names who’ve done work around narcissism? Why are they not cited? Why is a book trying to explain a concept and tout itself as useful for handling narcissism quoting, what, Freud? Jung? And quoting Jordan Peterson? Pleaseeeee.
Multiple times when he doesn’t understand a concept, he basically does a little jig of “if I don’t get it it must not be true” or strawman arguments. He also contradicts himself a lot, creating binaries that he then doesn’t support and acting like he was consistent all along? An unpleasant read on multiple levels.
This book also focuses a lot grandiose narcissists to the detriment of a holistic picture of narcissism. He does MENTION vulnerable narcissists, but it’s basically only a little nod. He mentions collective narcissists 3/4 of the way in and does go into more depth there. Overall, rather than contributing something new to the conversation or translating complex topics to something insightful yet digestible, it’s SSDD under the guise of contributing something. Also, the “DISC theory” and personality typing shit is overly simplistic, not terribly useful, not validated, and can even just be hard to follow in the ways he uses it.
He dips into invoking politics then bows out of commenting about politics because it’s “nowhere near my level of expertise” and “because of how complicated politics can get and because anyone can end up in trouble at any time for practically nothing.” 😐😑 Then he makes a “Both Sides Are Problematic” statement which…🙄
It’s giving “old man yells at cloud” vibes, which is particularly annoying because he also launches into parenting advice…?
I’m not going to reinvent the wheel here and do a point by excruciating point takedown since it’s easy to Google longer critiques of his work beyond just this one book. But DAMN part of me wants to because of how angry this all makes me 😡
Because it has SOME correct info mixed in with misguided shit, this is a volatile combination; to the untrained eye those two won’t be easy to distinguish! Again: better books, actual scientists, and even just better researchers overall. Skip this.
July 1, 2022
If there are any narcissists in your life, or people who are prone to narcissistic behavior, this book will be very helpful to you. Thomas Erikson has written a highly informative book that starts with the behaviors that are classic to narcissism, and goes on to help understand and effectively cope with any narcissists that might be in your life. He also takes it a step further to show what narcissism tendencies look like in society today. I was surprised by how many there were that I now just take to be normal behavior (social media I'm looking at you). I learned a lot of very good information and swear I highlighted half of this book. In particular I appreciated the examples on how to not apologize for creating boundaries, and Thomas gives very good, clear examples that will be easy to model in my own communication when I need it.
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for the ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.
January 27, 2023
Nic odkrywczego tak szczerze
May 20, 2024
Surrounded by narcissists is well written and easy to read. If you seek an easy-read in the non fiction department, this is a very light book to read. Other than that I truly believe this book is so far the worst one I have read by this author.
The first three parts of the book are mediocre. Not really intriguing to read, but managable with some small highlights. Eventhough I truly loved the Linda-example the author gives and develops throughout the book, the fourth part „A Narcissistic Culture“ truly ruined the experience of reading this book for me.
I hate the chapter about the evolution of cars. I think the descriptions of an aggressive looking car people are unconciously afraid of are not just random, but somehow ridiculous in a bad way.
Other than that, most chapters in the fourth part start with such random beginnings, it didn’t feel like all of them tie well into one coherent story.
Moreover, I am not fond of the author writing about his past trauma as a child. It feels kind of odd to read about that and not really fitting. At the same time the author gives the reader a small timeline of events leading up to today’s culture and this is probably one of my least favourite parts in this book. I do not think he did the few historical events or time periods he named any justice and explained them in one short sentence. I know his book is not about history, yet I believe if you want to use historical events and facts you need to invest more time explaining those.
Overall after finishing the book I get the impression that the DISC Model could easily be left out without serious issues, thus feels misplaced in this book.
Personally I had different expectations before reading this book. I thought he would go more into depth with narcissism, explaining different kinds of narcissists and how they affect people using the DISC Model on narcissists, but he uses a broad approach on narcissists and how they affect different types of people. Maybe I am deceived by the cover, but it disappoints me nonetheless, since I believe a book about narcissists (and how to stop them affecting our lifes) should contain more information about different facets of narcissists. Don’t get me wrong, he surely explains certain traits a narcissist can have, he just continues to use one broad type of narcissist, which disappointed me while reading this book.
The first three parts of the book are mediocre. Not really intriguing to read, but managable with some small highlights. Eventhough I truly loved the Linda-example the author gives and develops throughout the book, the fourth part „A Narcissistic Culture“ truly ruined the experience of reading this book for me.
I hate the chapter about the evolution of cars. I think the descriptions of an aggressive looking car people are unconciously afraid of are not just random, but somehow ridiculous in a bad way.
Other than that, most chapters in the fourth part start with such random beginnings, it didn’t feel like all of them tie well into one coherent story.
Moreover, I am not fond of the author writing about his past trauma as a child. It feels kind of odd to read about that and not really fitting. At the same time the author gives the reader a small timeline of events leading up to today’s culture and this is probably one of my least favourite parts in this book. I do not think he did the few historical events or time periods he named any justice and explained them in one short sentence. I know his book is not about history, yet I believe if you want to use historical events and facts you need to invest more time explaining those.
Overall after finishing the book I get the impression that the DISC Model could easily be left out without serious issues, thus feels misplaced in this book.
Personally I had different expectations before reading this book. I thought he would go more into depth with narcissism, explaining different kinds of narcissists and how they affect people using the DISC Model on narcissists, but he uses a broad approach on narcissists and how they affect different types of people. Maybe I am deceived by the cover, but it disappoints me nonetheless, since I believe a book about narcissists (and how to stop them affecting our lifes) should contain more information about different facets of narcissists. Don’t get me wrong, he surely explains certain traits a narcissist can have, he just continues to use one broad type of narcissist, which disappointed me while reading this book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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