What do you think?
Rate this book
Floating in the Deep End: How Caregivers Can See Beyond Alzheimer's
With the heartfelt prose of a loving daughter, Patti Davis provides a life raft for the caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients.
“ For the decade of my father’s illness, I felt as if I was floating in the deep end, tossed by waves, carried by currents, but not drowning ,” writes Patti Davis in this searingly honest and deeply moving account of the challenges involved in taking care of someone stricken with Alzheimer’s.
When her father, the fortieth president of the United States, announced his Alzheimer’s diagnosis in an address to the American public in 1994, the world had not yet begun speaking about this cruel, mysterious disease. Yet overnight, Ronald Reagan and his immediate family became the face of Alzheimer’s, and Davis, once content to keep her family at arm’s length, quickly moved across the country to be present during “the journey that would take [him] into the sunset of [his] life.”
Empowered by all she learned from caring for her father—about the nature of the illness, but also about the loss of a parent—Davis founded a support group for the family members and friends of Alzheimer’s patients. Along with a medically trained cofacilitator, she met with hundreds of exhausted and devastated attendees to talk through their pain and confusion. While Davis was aware that her own circumstances were uniquely fortunate, she knew there were universal truths about dementia, and even surprising gifts to be found in a long goodbye.
With Floating in the Deep End , Davis draws on a welter of experiences to provide a singular account of battling Alzheimer’s. Eloquently woven with personal anecdotes and helpful advice tailored specifically for the overlooked caregiver, this essential guide covers every potential stage of the disease from the initial diagnosis through the ultimate passing and beyond. Including such tips as how to keep a loved one hygienic, and careful responses for when they drift to a time gone by, Davis always stresses the emotional milestones that come with slow-burning grief.
Along the way, Davis shares how her own fractured family came together. With unflinching candor, she recalls when her mother, Nancy, who for decades could not show her children compassion or vulnerability, suddenly broke down in her arms. Davis also offers tender moments in which her father, a fabled movie star whom she always longed to know better, revealed his true self—always kind, even when he couldn’t recognize his own daughter.
An inherently wise work that promises to become a classic, Floating in the Deep End ultimately provides hope to struggling families while elegantly illuminating the fragile human condition.
“ For the decade of my father’s illness, I felt as if I was floating in the deep end, tossed by waves, carried by currents, but not drowning ,” writes Patti Davis in this searingly honest and deeply moving account of the challenges involved in taking care of someone stricken with Alzheimer’s.
When her father, the fortieth president of the United States, announced his Alzheimer’s diagnosis in an address to the American public in 1994, the world had not yet begun speaking about this cruel, mysterious disease. Yet overnight, Ronald Reagan and his immediate family became the face of Alzheimer’s, and Davis, once content to keep her family at arm’s length, quickly moved across the country to be present during “the journey that would take [him] into the sunset of [his] life.”
Empowered by all she learned from caring for her father—about the nature of the illness, but also about the loss of a parent—Davis founded a support group for the family members and friends of Alzheimer’s patients. Along with a medically trained cofacilitator, she met with hundreds of exhausted and devastated attendees to talk through their pain and confusion. While Davis was aware that her own circumstances were uniquely fortunate, she knew there were universal truths about dementia, and even surprising gifts to be found in a long goodbye.
With Floating in the Deep End , Davis draws on a welter of experiences to provide a singular account of battling Alzheimer’s. Eloquently woven with personal anecdotes and helpful advice tailored specifically for the overlooked caregiver, this essential guide covers every potential stage of the disease from the initial diagnosis through the ultimate passing and beyond. Including such tips as how to keep a loved one hygienic, and careful responses for when they drift to a time gone by, Davis always stresses the emotional milestones that come with slow-burning grief.
Along the way, Davis shares how her own fractured family came together. With unflinching candor, she recalls when her mother, Nancy, who for decades could not show her children compassion or vulnerability, suddenly broke down in her arms. Davis also offers tender moments in which her father, a fabled movie star whom she always longed to know better, revealed his true self—always kind, even when he couldn’t recognize his own daughter.
An inherently wise work that promises to become a classic, Floating in the Deep End ultimately provides hope to struggling families while elegantly illuminating the fragile human condition.
285 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 28, 2021
81 people are currently reading
386 people want to read
About the author
Patti Davis
20 books52 followersMy new book, Dear Mom and Dad, is the end of a long journey toward understanding my family. My hope is that readers will be inspired to take a step back and look at their own families through a wider lens. Families are all complicated to some degree, certainly mine was, but in this book I also explore the times when there was just love there. That's part of our story too.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
October 13, 2021
This book is a gem. Davis suffered along with her family members for one long and painful decade as she watched the father she once knew disappear in fragments. She is skilled at harmonizing detailed advice for caregivers at every single stage of the disease with her own personal anecdotes and a candid peek into the complicated layers of an unstable family faced with the raging storm of Alzheimer’s.
In addition to the tragedy and devastation of the disease, Davis takes a close examination of all her life lessons brought keenly into focus by its presence. Years after she stood by as her father took his last breath, she was haunted by the need to begin a support group for caregivers. In her time running workshops for BEYOND ALZHEIMER’S Davis used her experience, know-how, and gentle heart to ease the burden of those coming to her for guidance and sustenance.
If anyone you know or love is facing the brutality of dementia in any form or is watching someone they love slip away to any harrowing ailment, this book is a must-read.
In addition to the tragedy and devastation of the disease, Davis takes a close examination of all her life lessons brought keenly into focus by its presence. Years after she stood by as her father took his last breath, she was haunted by the need to begin a support group for caregivers. In her time running workshops for BEYOND ALZHEIMER’S Davis used her experience, know-how, and gentle heart to ease the burden of those coming to her for guidance and sustenance.
If anyone you know or love is facing the brutality of dementia in any form or is watching someone they love slip away to any harrowing ailment, this book is a must-read.
December 27, 2023
Oh my! I cried for two weeks listening to this book. Thank you to Patti Davis for sharing her knowledge. This was exactly the information I needed. This is a complete guide to anyone who has a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer's with touching stories mixed in. I will buy this book and re-read it and also purchase it for any friend's whose parents are diagnosed with this horrible disease.
March 17, 2022
I have a family member who is in the early stages of dementia. I found much in this book to be helpful about our current experience and what to expect going forward. I could have done without as much personal information from the author--some examples are great but sometimes it just felt like too much. (audiobook)
January 21, 2024
A powerful read! I learned so much! Highly recommend!
April 18, 2023
As I face each day of caring and loving my aging parents, I look to others for their wisdom. My father’s decline with dementia is sobering, exhausting, sometimes funny, and a steep learning curve.
I appreciate the author’s honest voice in this book. Her father is Ronald Reagan. Davis shares poignant stories of Reagan’s decline, Nancy’s unique way of coping, and the many family dynamics that complicated that time in their lives. After her father’s death, Davis began a support group, Beyond Alzheimer’s, for caregivers. Many stories she shares in the book are helpful and completely relatable.
I appreciate the author’s honest voice in this book. Her father is Ronald Reagan. Davis shares poignant stories of Reagan’s decline, Nancy’s unique way of coping, and the many family dynamics that complicated that time in their lives. After her father’s death, Davis began a support group, Beyond Alzheimer’s, for caregivers. Many stories she shares in the book are helpful and completely relatable.
June 3, 2023
This is a really good book about ALZ and dealing with a loved one with it. It took me a while to read because parts are very difficult. I know what the disease does to people but the reality is hard to face. I can only pray that my husband is spared some of this difficult journey. It did remind me to be gentle with myself and surround myself with people who are gentle with me also.
May 4, 2023
I kind of took a grocery store approach to this book - I took what I could use from it, and ignored the rest. Davis takes the reader through all the stages of a dementia diagnosis, with examples from her own experiences. Because I read this at a fairly advanced stage - my mum's in a home, in a wheelchair and pretty well non-verbal - I kind of skipped around a lot - read the stuff that applied to my situation and then went back and read the stuff that didn't.
This book was a good resource in many ways, making me think about things differently or from a different perspective, or in some cases, just a less subjective perspective. Davis did have one paragraph in her introduction that struck home with me and evoked a very emotional response, and I will include it in its entirety:
“… the stark truth about Alzheimer’s is that everyone loses the person who is ill in their own way according to the architecture of their relationship with that individual. My brothers, my sister, and certainly my mother were going to lose my father in ways that were different from my loss. Even in a family that’s close and communicative it’s still a pilgrim’s path, and the loneliness settles deep in your bones.”
That quote alone for me was reason enough to read the book.
This book was a good resource in many ways, making me think about things differently or from a different perspective, or in some cases, just a less subjective perspective. Davis did have one paragraph in her introduction that struck home with me and evoked a very emotional response, and I will include it in its entirety:
“… the stark truth about Alzheimer’s is that everyone loses the person who is ill in their own way according to the architecture of their relationship with that individual. My brothers, my sister, and certainly my mother were going to lose my father in ways that were different from my loss. Even in a family that’s close and communicative it’s still a pilgrim’s path, and the loneliness settles deep in your bones.”
That quote alone for me was reason enough to read the book.
May 15, 2022
In this book, Patti Davis shares her experience as a caregiver to her father, Ronald Reagan, in his journey with Alzheimer’s disease (AD) and what she learned by running a supporting group for AD caregivers. As the introduction stated, the book is not about practical tips (although there are some) but the caregiver’s mindset. The author proposed several mindset changes.
First, AD caregiving is not a purely negative experience but a personal growth opportunity. By accompanying a loved one through the journey, one experiences life and death for an extended period and has the opportunity to reflect on many things. One also learns to be aware of and deal with their own emotional ups and downs. By getting involved in and bonding with the caregiver’s community, one can also elevate their life to a more meaningful level.
Caregiving is also about the relationship with the cared. Years of happiness and unhappiness come bubbling up. Closures are sought for but may or may not realize. AD robs much humanity from the victim while amplifying some others. The patient no longer plays their assigned social roles and reveals their more fundamental personality. Caregiving is also bonding. It can be rewarding in some sense. However, a caregiver needs to actively seek these rewards instead of drowning in the bleak daily duties.
Family members are another vital relationship. With major disruptions like AD, everyone responds differently. To hold a family together and strong requires much thought, skills, and love. On the other hand, challenges provide opportunities for change, hopefully for the better.
With a positive perspective, the book does not whitewash the pain and suffering caregivers endure. It also pleas for more understanding and help from the society. AD victims include patients and their loved ones. However, hospitals and other providers usually cannot make money by helping the caregivers, and we need some social change. On the other hand, the caregivers should also be aware of the resources available and make the hard decisions of outsourcing help. This could be better for both the patients and the families.
Based on what I knew about the author, I expected the book to be narcissistic and self-promoting, an expectation enhanced by the introduction. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find the book sincere and helpful. The author draws on her personal experience and the fame of Ronald Reagan. Yet her scope is much broader. Her self-reflection is genuine and relatable. Her recounts of others’ experiences are plausible and infectious. She openly admits her privileged position but focuses on shared humanity. The book is growth and closure of the author and inspiration and revelation for the readers.
First, AD caregiving is not a purely negative experience but a personal growth opportunity. By accompanying a loved one through the journey, one experiences life and death for an extended period and has the opportunity to reflect on many things. One also learns to be aware of and deal with their own emotional ups and downs. By getting involved in and bonding with the caregiver’s community, one can also elevate their life to a more meaningful level.
Caregiving is also about the relationship with the cared. Years of happiness and unhappiness come bubbling up. Closures are sought for but may or may not realize. AD robs much humanity from the victim while amplifying some others. The patient no longer plays their assigned social roles and reveals their more fundamental personality. Caregiving is also bonding. It can be rewarding in some sense. However, a caregiver needs to actively seek these rewards instead of drowning in the bleak daily duties.
Family members are another vital relationship. With major disruptions like AD, everyone responds differently. To hold a family together and strong requires much thought, skills, and love. On the other hand, challenges provide opportunities for change, hopefully for the better.
With a positive perspective, the book does not whitewash the pain and suffering caregivers endure. It also pleas for more understanding and help from the society. AD victims include patients and their loved ones. However, hospitals and other providers usually cannot make money by helping the caregivers, and we need some social change. On the other hand, the caregivers should also be aware of the resources available and make the hard decisions of outsourcing help. This could be better for both the patients and the families.
Based on what I knew about the author, I expected the book to be narcissistic and self-promoting, an expectation enhanced by the introduction. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find the book sincere and helpful. The author draws on her personal experience and the fame of Ronald Reagan. Yet her scope is much broader. Her self-reflection is genuine and relatable. Her recounts of others’ experiences are plausible and infectious. She openly admits her privileged position but focuses on shared humanity. The book is growth and closure of the author and inspiration and revelation for the readers.
September 10, 2022
This book caught my eye from its shelf at the local library, mostly because I provided respite care for an elderly man with Alzheimer’s last fall. Alzheimer’s is a disease that can shock you in its brutality, if you’re not prepared for it and maybe even, if you are.
Patti Davis found herself in this position as her father, President Ronald Reagan, faced his Alzheimer’s diagnosis and eventual death. Davis founded support groups for the family and friends of Alzheimer’s patients and this experience, along with her personal wisdom of Alzheimer’s through her father, forms the foundation of this book.
I was at first skeptical of the financial privilege the Reagan family had and that the gift of that privilege makes many options accessible to this family that is not the option for most of us. But the second half of the book changed my opinion. While financial burden or liberation may impact the practical realities of caregiving, many things remain untouched: making decisions about care facilities, understanding resistance to bathe, and coping with other people’s opinions, and grief.
There are a lot of things I felt this book missed the mark on (encouraging caregivers to take regular self-care breaks is the ultimate luxury, for instance). Or the assertion that hospice will be continued infinitely (I have seen patients with dementia discharged). But it hits the mark perfectly in the areas of grief: the grief of watching your loved one slowly decline at the hands of dementia, the grief of your guilt and exhaustion as a caregiver, and the grief of eventually saying the final goodbye. It also felt refreshing to hear someone express some of the hard things that I’ve seen and some of the frustrations that I’ve felt, even if she has much more support, Patti Davis can relate to the struggle. In a space where caregiving is endlessly exhausting, horribly isolating and seems to get progressively harder, feeling seen and heard and understood, with a few tips and tricks to help, felt like a start.
Patti Davis found herself in this position as her father, President Ronald Reagan, faced his Alzheimer’s diagnosis and eventual death. Davis founded support groups for the family and friends of Alzheimer’s patients and this experience, along with her personal wisdom of Alzheimer’s through her father, forms the foundation of this book.
I was at first skeptical of the financial privilege the Reagan family had and that the gift of that privilege makes many options accessible to this family that is not the option for most of us. But the second half of the book changed my opinion. While financial burden or liberation may impact the practical realities of caregiving, many things remain untouched: making decisions about care facilities, understanding resistance to bathe, and coping with other people’s opinions, and grief.
There are a lot of things I felt this book missed the mark on (encouraging caregivers to take regular self-care breaks is the ultimate luxury, for instance). Or the assertion that hospice will be continued infinitely (I have seen patients with dementia discharged). But it hits the mark perfectly in the areas of grief: the grief of watching your loved one slowly decline at the hands of dementia, the grief of your guilt and exhaustion as a caregiver, and the grief of eventually saying the final goodbye. It also felt refreshing to hear someone express some of the hard things that I’ve seen and some of the frustrations that I’ve felt, even if she has much more support, Patti Davis can relate to the struggle. In a space where caregiving is endlessly exhausting, horribly isolating and seems to get progressively harder, feeling seen and heard and understood, with a few tips and tricks to help, felt like a start.
May 3, 2022
There is some good practical advice here in the pages but nothing ground-breaking for anyone familiar with Alzheimer’s and the way it affects people with the disease and their families. With some snarky comments, it seemed the author also had a second motive in writing this book- to express her own criticism of her mother, sometimes siblings and others. These criticisms and the author’s occasional name dropping detracted from what seemed to be the main topic of the book- helping caregivers. I only read the book due to the subject matter and was unfamiliar with the author by name, and when the author mentioned Secret Service protection for her father, I had to look up the author. Upon realizing that Patti Davis is the daughter of former President Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan, I couldn’t help but wonder about what her life was like. I’m guessing her life was certainly unlike nearly anyone else’s for sure, being the daughter of a U.S. President. Davis admits that she had a difficult relationship with her mother, and as stories are told of her interaction with her parents, in particular while her father was in the midst of his journey with Alzheimer’s disease, these difficulties sadly shine through and detract sometimes from the lessons Davis tries to convey.
January 15, 2025
Definitely worth the read if you’re in the swamp known as dementia w a loved one.
“Who is my loved one going to be now with this disease? The answer is pretty simple. It may or may not be what you want to hear. With the exception of fronto-temporal dementia, the person with dementia, particularly with Alzheimer’s, is going be the person they always were underneath the social, niceties and protective layers that we all develop in life.
So if at their core, they were kind and gentle individuals that’s what will remain. If they were complaining and mean spirited hang on because it’s going to get worse.”
“Alzheimer’s erodes the filters that every person has. What is left after that aversion is the essential self. “
“Who is my loved one going to be now with this disease? The answer is pretty simple. It may or may not be what you want to hear. With the exception of fronto-temporal dementia, the person with dementia, particularly with Alzheimer’s, is going be the person they always were underneath the social, niceties and protective layers that we all develop in life.
So if at their core, they were kind and gentle individuals that’s what will remain. If they were complaining and mean spirited hang on because it’s going to get worse.”
“Alzheimer’s erodes the filters that every person has. What is left after that aversion is the essential self. “
June 19, 2023
Patti Davis, daughter of former President Ronald Reagan, recounts the story of her relationship with her father as his Alzheimer's progresses. After his passing, she established a support group, Beyond Alzheimer's, at UCLA. From her experiences with her father's disease and the support group she founded, she shares much insight into what to expect when a loved one has a dementia.
I listened to this as an audiobook and I think it would probably be better read as the written word. The narration made it feel like the author was a bit of a "know-it-all", especially at the beginning of the book. I'm not sure that is the feeling one would get if reading the book, instead of listening.
I listened to this as an audiobook and I think it would probably be better read as the written word. The narration made it feel like the author was a bit of a "know-it-all", especially at the beginning of the book. I'm not sure that is the feeling one would get if reading the book, instead of listening.
February 9, 2025
A very interesting and well written book, by a daughter, suffering the loss of a father, to the dreaded disease of Alzheimer’s, this father and daughter very famous indeed. I appreciated this very interesting and challenging journey facing the writer, and having worked in this field, dealing with both Alzheimers and hospice, I think it certainly presents a very good lesson,for those who will face this challenges. It is however a very personal story, similar in my mind to the loses we all encounter, when our love ones are lost to a long battle with many other devastating deseases
December 27, 2021
I have read a lot of books on dementia since my mother was diagnosed in June 2020. This is by far the best for caregivers. Patti Davis writes about her experiences with her father going through Alzheimer’s while mixing in facts about dementia and experiences from other people in the support group she used to lead. I felt like I was reading words from a very supportive, caring and experience friend when I read this.
March 5, 2023
For Caregivers
A profound and human account of the journey caregivers experience with their loved one. Patti Davis, whose father is former President Ronald Reagan, has written about her father's decline for ten years after leaving office and her role as his caregiver. Both the caregiving experience and journey you take with the one receiving your care will change you.
And finally recognize this is who you've become and who you want to be.
A profound and human account of the journey caregivers experience with their loved one. Patti Davis, whose father is former President Ronald Reagan, has written about her father's decline for ten years after leaving office and her role as his caregiver. Both the caregiving experience and journey you take with the one receiving your care will change you.
And finally recognize this is who you've become and who you want to be.
April 15, 2023
Patti Davis not only brutally uncovers her personal story dealing with her dysfunctional family's experience coping with her father's Alzheimers but gives plenty of information and coping strategies from members of her support group. This is a rich, informative book worth reading, especially for families dealing with this insidious disease. She uses her fame as an actress and President Ronald Reagan's daughter to help thousands of others.
November 20, 2024
This, this!, is the book I was hoping Travelers to Unimaginable Lands: Stories of Dementia, the Caregiver, and the Human Brain would be. Practical, compassionate, and inspirational, Patti Davis's text offers non-judgmental grace to both patients and caregivers.
September 25, 2025
Another honestly written book about the journey of loving and caring for someone who is living with ALZ/dementia, and I highly recommend reading it if you find yourself on this path. I could relate so much to the struggles and emotions Patti shared about her journey as they mirror mine in many ways. The suggestions and insight I gained of how to find some joy in a confusing and heartbreaking situation is invaluable.
January 8, 2022
This was the most important, helpful book I read in 2021. Anyne with dementia/Alzheimer's in their family needs this book. The most important lesson I learned, which is my common refrain now, was "Don't script this." Stay open to the experience of the moment. Patti Davis has given us quite a gift in this book!
May 23, 2022
What You’ll Learn
How to incorporate people who are trained in this vocation into your caregiving life
The antidote to grief is gratitude.
The power of a support group to cope with chronic stress (‘fear becomes stress when left to fester’)
Permission to have a fulfilling life while caring for a person with dementia
How to incorporate people who are trained in this vocation into your caregiving life
The antidote to grief is gratitude.
The power of a support group to cope with chronic stress (‘fear becomes stress when left to fester’)
Permission to have a fulfilling life while caring for a person with dementia
January 9, 2023
This is one of the most helpful and insightful books on dementia that I have read. It warmed my heart, made me tear up, got me nodding several times, and filled me with hope. Thank you so much to Ms. Davis for sharing her heart and her family’s story. She is such a gifted writer. One of the books on dementia that I will return to again and again.
August 6, 2024
For anyone who has a loved one with Alzheimer’s or Dementia, I recommend reading this book. Part are very relatable and can give a confirmation of you not being the only person walking this path. Many tidbits were helpful for me to understand why I was feeling the way I feel and how old issues rise to the surface throughout a families journey with these illnesses.
December 1, 2024
When I checked this book out, I had no idea she was Ronald Reagan's daughter, but that made it all the more interesting. I also knew little about Alzheimer's - which is why I chose it - and I found her insights fascinating and learned so much
and realized just how much I hadn't thought about yet. So glad to have read this one.
and realized just how much I hadn't thought about yet. So glad to have read this one.
January 30, 2025
Powerful and detailed book. She masterfully blends both her own experience in dealing with her father's Alzheimer projection with concise, highly accessible general descriptions of the varieties of dementia, their progression and what many people have found that works and that does not work as caregivers.
I wish I had known of this book before and when my loved one had dementia.
I wish I had known of this book before and when my loved one had dementia.
December 27, 2021
I am an occupational therapist who works with people with dementia - this is an excellent read. Part memoir, part information-sharing, part death exploration, part family analysis; anyone could enjoy this book and the tender accounts of saying goodbye.
Read
August 9, 2022Patti Davis has lovely things to say not only about transitions in life, but conscious caregiving and the reality of living in a way that will create fewer scenarios of regret. I am grateful that she opened her story to others experiencing the same journey.
November 14, 2022
Blessings Patti
Thank you for sharing your stories, you insights, your deep grief. I am losing my sister to Alzheimer’s and my Road is just beginning. I hope I will have the love and compassion to support her and her children, as this awful disease progresses.
Thank you for sharing your stories, you insights, your deep grief. I am losing my sister to Alzheimer’s and my Road is just beginning. I hope I will have the love and compassion to support her and her children, as this awful disease progresses.
December 4, 2021
Exceptional....highly recommended for all care givers.
September 3, 2022
Interesting book with good ideas for care givers. Dementia is a profound life changer and many are not prepared to handle the change. Helpful to read if this disease touches your life.
March 24, 2023
This book covered a multitude of issues involving Alzheimer's. Would recommend it for those trying to gain an understanding of memory loss & its effect on those involved.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews