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What Do You Buy the Children of the Terrorist Who Tried to Kill Your Wife?: A Memoir
David Harris-Gershon and his wife, Jamie, moved to Jerusalem full of hope. Then, mere days after Israel thwarted historic cease-fire negotiations among the Palestinians, a bomb ripped open Hebrew University’s cafeteria. Jamie’s body was sliced with shrapnel; the friends sitting next to her were killed.
When a doctor handed David some of the shrapnel removed from Jamie’s body, he could not accept that this piece of metal changed everything. But it had. The bombing sent David on a psychological journey that found himdigging through shadowy politics and traumatic histories, eventually leading him back to East Jerusalem and the Hamas terrorist and his family. Not out of revenge. Out of desperation.
Part memoir, part journalistic investigation, this fearless debut confronts the personal costs of the Palestinian-Israeli conflict and our capacity for recovery and reconciliation.
When a doctor handed David some of the shrapnel removed from Jamie’s body, he could not accept that this piece of metal changed everything. But it had. The bombing sent David on a psychological journey that found himdigging through shadowy politics and traumatic histories, eventually leading him back to East Jerusalem and the Hamas terrorist and his family. Not out of revenge. Out of desperation.
Part memoir, part journalistic investigation, this fearless debut confronts the personal costs of the Palestinian-Israeli conflict and our capacity for recovery and reconciliation.
346 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 22, 2013
17 people are currently reading
601 people want to read
About the author
David Harris-Gershon
1 book2 followersDavid Harris-Gershon is an author, teacher and accidental troublemaker. His work has appeared in Colorado Review, Passages North, the Forward and elsewhere. He received an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of North Carolina, Wilmington.
His memoir – What Do You Buy the Children of the Terrorist Who Tried to Kill Your Wife? – was published by Oneworld Publications (London).
His memoir – What Do You Buy the Children of the Terrorist Who Tried to Kill Your Wife? – was published by Oneworld Publications (London).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
December 2, 2013
Harris-Gershon could be a terrible writer and this story would still be riveting and important enough to read. Fortunately Harris-Gershon is an inimitable memoirist who takes the solipsistic, neurosis of so many modern memoirs and turns it inside out, using self-consciousness, self-doubt, self-criticism and what feels like utter transparency to amazing effect. Because he does this and for it, we trust him, he can also take what would normally be heavy handed biblical, philosophical and political questions and serve them up in very daring prose. He's not self-important. His story is like the Jerusalem he describes: unlikely, chaotic, unbridled, love and hate, faith and doubt, new and old pressing hard against each other. I can't recommend this book strongly enough for anyone who's moved by memoir in general, the Palestinian Israeli conflict, restorative justice, travelogues or the stunning pain and joy of being doggedly human in the face of a monstrous reality.
September 8, 2013
Raised in a liberal Jewish family, David Harris-Gershon considered Palestinians, if he gave much thought to them at all, to be the bad guys. "Growing up, I just thought of Palestinians as another enemy of the Jewish people," he said. "I thought of them as a caricature of evil. And that is sadly common among American Jews."
One would think that the experiences that Harris-Gershon and his wife had in Israel would only have reinforced that opinion.
On July 31, 2002, while David Harris-Gershon was enjoying a lunch of pasta and tomato pesto at their home in Jerusalem, his wife Jamie was in the student cafeteria at the Hebrew University, cramming for an exam with a couple of friends.
The two Americans had met and married in the States and traveled to Israel for a year of study at the Pardes' Educators Program. One year led to three as they both enrolled in a two year graduate program at Hebrew University for their Masters in Jewish Education.
So it was that Jamie was at the cafeteria, that July afternoon, just leaning over to retrieve her study materials, when the backpack bomb went off, killing her two friends and seriously injuring her. Later that night at the hospital, Jamie's surgeon presented David with a misshapen nut that had flown from the backpack bomb into Jamie's small intestine, saying, "Sometimes people want these things."
By December of that year, Jamie's physical recovery had progressed well enough that the couple returned to the States, settling in the Washington DC area, him to teach and her to await the birth of their first daughter. Jamie began the hard work of her emotional recovery, while David simply denied his trauma. After all, he wasn't at the University that day. He had not been hurt by the terror attack. If anything, he had failed to protect his wife - he was clearly not a victim.
Except that of course, he was. He was suffering from many of the PTSD symptoms, not even knowing that there was such a thing as Secondary PTSD, or secondary traumatic stress disorder. Although not a diagnosis under the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders, it is a very real syndrome:
'Dr. Charles Figley, a psychologist and professor of social work at Tulane University, wrote in his 1995 book, "Compassion Fatigue, Coping with Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder," that secondary traumatic stress is "the natural consequent behaviors resulting from knowledge about a traumatizing event experienced by a significant other. It is the stress resulting from helping or wanting to help a traumatized or suffering person."' - The Jewish Chronicle
No matter how hard he tried to deny it, the stress was taking its toll on him, causing breathing difficulties, worsening his insomnia, taunting him with exaggerated threats of harm to his family. Unable or unwilling to accept therapy, he struggled alone with his demons.
And then one day he read that the terrorist, Mohammad Odeh, now in an Israeli jail, expressed remorse for the bombing. Everything stopped for Harris-Gershon at that moment and he immediately began an almost manic attempt to verify that statement of regret. To meet this man.
Knowing that he could never forgive, he did want desperately to understand, hoping that understanding might lead to healing. He began exploring reconciliation, wondering what the South Africans found at the end of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Could reconciliation work without revenge? He made contact with others who were also dealing with unbearable pain created by political violence. And he decided he needed to meet with Mohammad Odeh.
He connected with Leah Green of the Compassionate Listening Project who helped him to reach out to the Odeh family who agreed to meet with him. His journey led him to a home in Silwan, a Palestinian neighborhood of eastern Jerusalem, where he met with the family of the terrorist who tried to kill his wife.
Clear and accessible Harris-Gershon's prose in this book is compelling, honest, and at times lyrical. Planning to read for an hour or two before bed, I read until four in the morning, unable to put the book down.
It is a riveting account, not only of the bombing, but of the Harris-Gershons' attempt to rebuild their lives, coming home to the United States, the births of their two daughters, and of his return to the Middle East. The self-deprecating humor often found in the internal dialogues which he conducts with himself and with inanimate objects, leavens the dark nature of the tale.
But the book isn't just a memoir. Harris-Gershon explores the roots of the Israeli Palestinian conflict and the politics leading up to the July 2002 Hebrew University attack, the intifada, and the impact of the occupation upon the Palestinians. Both David's wife and her attacker play background roles because this book is not simply about a bombing in Jerusalem.
Society has developed ways to deal with and assist both the direct victims and the perpetrators of terrorism. Prison for one and intensive physical and emotional therapy for the victims.
What I learned from this thought provoking book is the need to address the trauma of the secondary victims. For every primary victim, there must be a dozen or more family members and friends who are traumatized as well. And for the Palestinians there must be an equal number of secondary trauma victims of artillery shells and the oppressive nature of occupation.
And how many are even aware that they are suffering from a form of PTSD? That they too, are victims. How many simply trade the pain and fear for hate? Perhaps because reconciliation is hard and hate is easy and it is re-inforced by both cultures.
I don't know, anymore than Harris-Gershon knew that his visit to the Odeh family would help him to find closure, reconciliation or peace. But sometimes, you have to try anyway, because nothing else has worked.
One would think that the experiences that Harris-Gershon and his wife had in Israel would only have reinforced that opinion.
On July 31, 2002, while David Harris-Gershon was enjoying a lunch of pasta and tomato pesto at their home in Jerusalem, his wife Jamie was in the student cafeteria at the Hebrew University, cramming for an exam with a couple of friends.
The two Americans had met and married in the States and traveled to Israel for a year of study at the Pardes' Educators Program. One year led to three as they both enrolled in a two year graduate program at Hebrew University for their Masters in Jewish Education.
So it was that Jamie was at the cafeteria, that July afternoon, just leaning over to retrieve her study materials, when the backpack bomb went off, killing her two friends and seriously injuring her. Later that night at the hospital, Jamie's surgeon presented David with a misshapen nut that had flown from the backpack bomb into Jamie's small intestine, saying, "Sometimes people want these things."
By December of that year, Jamie's physical recovery had progressed well enough that the couple returned to the States, settling in the Washington DC area, him to teach and her to await the birth of their first daughter. Jamie began the hard work of her emotional recovery, while David simply denied his trauma. After all, he wasn't at the University that day. He had not been hurt by the terror attack. If anything, he had failed to protect his wife - he was clearly not a victim.
Except that of course, he was. He was suffering from many of the PTSD symptoms, not even knowing that there was such a thing as Secondary PTSD, or secondary traumatic stress disorder. Although not a diagnosis under the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders, it is a very real syndrome:
'Dr. Charles Figley, a psychologist and professor of social work at Tulane University, wrote in his 1995 book, "Compassion Fatigue, Coping with Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder," that secondary traumatic stress is "the natural consequent behaviors resulting from knowledge about a traumatizing event experienced by a significant other. It is the stress resulting from helping or wanting to help a traumatized or suffering person."' - The Jewish Chronicle
No matter how hard he tried to deny it, the stress was taking its toll on him, causing breathing difficulties, worsening his insomnia, taunting him with exaggerated threats of harm to his family. Unable or unwilling to accept therapy, he struggled alone with his demons.
And then one day he read that the terrorist, Mohammad Odeh, now in an Israeli jail, expressed remorse for the bombing. Everything stopped for Harris-Gershon at that moment and he immediately began an almost manic attempt to verify that statement of regret. To meet this man.
Knowing that he could never forgive, he did want desperately to understand, hoping that understanding might lead to healing. He began exploring reconciliation, wondering what the South Africans found at the end of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Could reconciliation work without revenge? He made contact with others who were also dealing with unbearable pain created by political violence. And he decided he needed to meet with Mohammad Odeh.
He connected with Leah Green of the Compassionate Listening Project who helped him to reach out to the Odeh family who agreed to meet with him. His journey led him to a home in Silwan, a Palestinian neighborhood of eastern Jerusalem, where he met with the family of the terrorist who tried to kill his wife.
Clear and accessible Harris-Gershon's prose in this book is compelling, honest, and at times lyrical. Planning to read for an hour or two before bed, I read until four in the morning, unable to put the book down.
It is a riveting account, not only of the bombing, but of the Harris-Gershons' attempt to rebuild their lives, coming home to the United States, the births of their two daughters, and of his return to the Middle East. The self-deprecating humor often found in the internal dialogues which he conducts with himself and with inanimate objects, leavens the dark nature of the tale.
But the book isn't just a memoir. Harris-Gershon explores the roots of the Israeli Palestinian conflict and the politics leading up to the July 2002 Hebrew University attack, the intifada, and the impact of the occupation upon the Palestinians. Both David's wife and her attacker play background roles because this book is not simply about a bombing in Jerusalem.
Society has developed ways to deal with and assist both the direct victims and the perpetrators of terrorism. Prison for one and intensive physical and emotional therapy for the victims.
What I learned from this thought provoking book is the need to address the trauma of the secondary victims. For every primary victim, there must be a dozen or more family members and friends who are traumatized as well. And for the Palestinians there must be an equal number of secondary trauma victims of artillery shells and the oppressive nature of occupation.
And how many are even aware that they are suffering from a form of PTSD? That they too, are victims. How many simply trade the pain and fear for hate? Perhaps because reconciliation is hard and hate is easy and it is re-inforced by both cultures.
I don't know, anymore than Harris-Gershon knew that his visit to the Odeh family would help him to find closure, reconciliation or peace. But sometimes, you have to try anyway, because nothing else has worked.
August 19, 2013
A very unusual title to a thoughtful book. After the author's wife is badly injured in a terrorist bombing in Jerusalem, he cannot get over it. Therapies fail. When he discovers that the bomber has been caught and has expressed remorse, the author feels that he can only find peace through reconciliation by speaking with the terrorist and his family. This is a book of process and hope. It challenges one sided views of a complex situation and may serve as a liht in the darkness.
February 20, 2024
An unconventional name for a deeply honest memoir.
David could have been a horrible story teller and writer (re: Britney Spears memoir) and this would have still been an amazing read. Lucky for us readers, David in fact is an excellent writer, he is engaging, funny, sarcastic, blunt, messy, and willing to share his personal journey in reconciliation and understanding.
David’s wife, Jaime, was badly injured in a 2002 terrorist bombing at Hebrew University in Jerusalem. His wife was fortunate to survive, their friends were not so lucky. A surgeon gave David a piece of shrapnel that was removed from her body, a small broken nut. This small piece of metal changed his life and that of his wife’s forever. David being an academic by nature and a “forever student” had many unanswered questions after the bombing, mainly: Why? His goal now is to meet the man, and his family, who left the backpack with the bomb in the crowded cafeteria in July. Not out of revenge, but out of desperation to heal and understand.
This memoir is told in a non-linear story telling at the beginning. We jump around between how David and Jamie met and decided to move to Israel which is broken up by the days leading up to the bombing as well as the initial days after the bombing.
David will take some time to dive into the history of Israel and Palestine. There are chapters devoted to the political failings, broken promises for peace, unfair double standards, outright hostilities, among the plethora of issues which have caused and maintained the tension.
We finish the memoir with David going to East Jerusalem and sitting down to talk to people who he is now bound to by violence.
At the end of it you won’t have the answers to the questions you wanted but you’ll come out with hope and a new understanding.
David could have been a horrible story teller and writer (re: Britney Spears memoir) and this would have still been an amazing read. Lucky for us readers, David in fact is an excellent writer, he is engaging, funny, sarcastic, blunt, messy, and willing to share his personal journey in reconciliation and understanding.
David’s wife, Jaime, was badly injured in a 2002 terrorist bombing at Hebrew University in Jerusalem. His wife was fortunate to survive, their friends were not so lucky. A surgeon gave David a piece of shrapnel that was removed from her body, a small broken nut. This small piece of metal changed his life and that of his wife’s forever. David being an academic by nature and a “forever student” had many unanswered questions after the bombing, mainly: Why? His goal now is to meet the man, and his family, who left the backpack with the bomb in the crowded cafeteria in July. Not out of revenge, but out of desperation to heal and understand.
This memoir is told in a non-linear story telling at the beginning. We jump around between how David and Jamie met and decided to move to Israel which is broken up by the days leading up to the bombing as well as the initial days after the bombing.
David will take some time to dive into the history of Israel and Palestine. There are chapters devoted to the political failings, broken promises for peace, unfair double standards, outright hostilities, among the plethora of issues which have caused and maintained the tension.
We finish the memoir with David going to East Jerusalem and sitting down to talk to people who he is now bound to by violence.
At the end of it you won’t have the answers to the questions you wanted but you’ll come out with hope and a new understanding.
July 25, 2020
I would rate this book 3.5 stars.
I must admit that I was not sure I would enjoy this book. I was afraid it would be one-sided in a complicated, multi-sided environment/ history/conflict. But it seems the author tried to present the situation objectively where possible and also share emotional responses where appropriate.
I felt the beginning and the ending were the strongest. All of this build-up to meeting the bomber's family and yet less than 10 pages cover the encounter at the end of the book.
I did appreciate the author's effort to present the historical context of how inhabitants of the region were treated when it was decided land would go to Jews. He sees the dangerous consequences of dehumanising those you are afraid of and/or fighting.
I must admit that I was not sure I would enjoy this book. I was afraid it would be one-sided in a complicated, multi-sided environment/ history/conflict. But it seems the author tried to present the situation objectively where possible and also share emotional responses where appropriate.
I felt the beginning and the ending were the strongest. All of this build-up to meeting the bomber's family and yet less than 10 pages cover the encounter at the end of the book.
I did appreciate the author's effort to present the historical context of how inhabitants of the region were treated when it was decided land would go to Jews. He sees the dangerous consequences of dehumanising those you are afraid of and/or fighting.
May 30, 2014
I feel bad giving it such a low review, but the writing style came across extremely narcissistic. Harris-Gershon's life may be fascinating, but his writing style is extremely self absorbed. It's HIS PTSD (his wife is the one with agonizing burns), it's HIS neurosis, HIS journey. My God, the man has entire pages of him talking to himself, and I wonder why he seemed so navel gazing. I don't care about his politics, but seriously, his need to meet the man who destroyed his family life is a story. Not endless ramblings about trying to make sense of a terrible tragedy. I feel like the author desperately needed a meaning.
And in some ways, his views on Israel do come across as rather privileged. He never served in the army, he isn't a citizen, he doesn't live there, but he feels quite entitled judging Israelis and Palestinians in the book. It came across as rather colonialist, this American comes to tell the Natives how to behave. Honestly, I wish he would have kept his mouth shut in inner dialogue and maybe looked outside himself more, in the books. He could have had those dialogues with others. Sadly, his story isn't that unique in Israel. He might have learned something.
Instead, he just navel grazed and wallowed in self pity. It seemed like he was the only person who ever suffered. And boy, does he detail his suffering. By the end, you could feel the sadness and misery on every page.
What a waste.
And in some ways, his views on Israel do come across as rather privileged. He never served in the army, he isn't a citizen, he doesn't live there, but he feels quite entitled judging Israelis and Palestinians in the book. It came across as rather colonialist, this American comes to tell the Natives how to behave. Honestly, I wish he would have kept his mouth shut in inner dialogue and maybe looked outside himself more, in the books. He could have had those dialogues with others. Sadly, his story isn't that unique in Israel. He might have learned something.
Instead, he just navel grazed and wallowed in self pity. It seemed like he was the only person who ever suffered. And boy, does he detail his suffering. By the end, you could feel the sadness and misery on every page.
What a waste.
August 27, 2014
Written as part of an effort to process and heal after his wife was badly injured in a terrorist bombing at Hebrew University in 2002, this book – with a timely release last year – is a must-read for anyone even remotely interested in current events in Gaza and Israel. Harris-Gershon's thoughtful, introspective examination of his experience, deftly situated in the context of a historically, culturally and politically complicated mess, is insightful and compelling. I think everyone should read it, but especially people who are compelled to believe that their enemy isn't human.
February 18, 2014
This book reads better than any fiction. Harris-Gershon provides a very open and honest account of his thoughts and feelings after his wife was injured in a terrorist attack. I appreciated his sense of candor and willingness to share. I could have done without the repeated use of the f-word, but considering Harris-Gershon's circumstances I can't say I really blame him. This would make a wonderful movie!
February 21, 2014
A book that spoke to me on many levels, a book about intractable conflict, a book about the trauma of being in love with a crime victim, and that her crime is your trauma, a book about Israel, a book about young love turning into responsibility and family, a book about justice and trials and what happens next, just an incredible story brilliantly told.
July 17, 2014
Everyone should read this book. Especially right now with everything that's happened. Here is someone who's lived through it. And knows in his heart that there is a better way. Much respect to David Harris-Gershon.
June 8, 2021
4.5
i have learned more about the Israel - Palestine conflict from reading this book then any class or news story. And espically interesting reading from the perspective of a Jewish got who was the victim of a bombing and trying to learn more about the context and history of Palestine.
just some notes for myself:
- bible Israel
- Arabic Ottoman control 1517-1917
- world one one British control
- after WWII Jews wanted/needed a homeland after Holocaust so returned to biblical homeland
- Britain supported European Jews (Balfour) and gave Palestinians no political rights, took their land, displacements, military checks, harassments
- east Jerusalem-- better well off Palestinians
- west Jerusalem -- Jewish Israelis
- west bank -- occupied land, Palestinians
This was such an engaging , fast paced, informative, and moving read. Going in i thought it was going to be slow, dense, and biased but it was such the opposite of all those things. I flew through it and learned so much in such easy to understand language. I enjoyed the small humor that was in it like the end when he was getting sent all around trying to find documents. And it read like a fiction book where i was so engaged to find out what happened when meeting the family, if it would go well, all the suspense.
The perspective he wrote from and his whole mission of finding understanding and discovery the humanity of both sides makes this a book I feel like EVERYONE interested/involved in the Israel- Palestine conflict should read.
i have learned more about the Israel - Palestine conflict from reading this book then any class or news story. And espically interesting reading from the perspective of a Jewish got who was the victim of a bombing and trying to learn more about the context and history of Palestine.
just some notes for myself:
- bible Israel
- Arabic Ottoman control 1517-1917
- world one one British control
- after WWII Jews wanted/needed a homeland after Holocaust so returned to biblical homeland
- Britain supported European Jews (Balfour) and gave Palestinians no political rights, took their land, displacements, military checks, harassments
- east Jerusalem-- better well off Palestinians
- west Jerusalem -- Jewish Israelis
- west bank -- occupied land, Palestinians
This was such an engaging , fast paced, informative, and moving read. Going in i thought it was going to be slow, dense, and biased but it was such the opposite of all those things. I flew through it and learned so much in such easy to understand language. I enjoyed the small humor that was in it like the end when he was getting sent all around trying to find documents. And it read like a fiction book where i was so engaged to find out what happened when meeting the family, if it would go well, all the suspense.
The perspective he wrote from and his whole mission of finding understanding and discovery the humanity of both sides makes this a book I feel like EVERYONE interested/involved in the Israel- Palestine conflict should read.
January 17, 2017
This was a solid 3. It's a quick, enjoyable read. Nothing stellar, but definitely leaves you with a little something to think about.
Three Points on what bothered me:
I could have done with a lot less of his fatherhood experiences -- while these moments were important to his story, the amount of time he devoted to it felt unnecessary to the point he was trying to make. And ending it with the story of the young boy and the pomegranate (bringing it back to children in the end) felt forced and cliched.
I wanted him to go deeper into the trauma he experienced after the attack. It felt like he was operating on auto-pilot (which he was), but that was it. I only knew how much the attack had affected him because he told me -- not because it was simply evident in his writing.
Third, talking and writing about secondary PTSD is very important, and I imagine there is less of that than there is of first hand PTSD. So this kind of story has a vital role...but he didn't really talk about what his wife went through outside of the physical recovery. And that absence felt odd.
That being said...
There is so much good in this memoir and I am very glad to have read it. Reconciliation, attempts at understanding, allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable to your assumptions of others -- all incredibly important themes in any story, but especially in a story about Jews and Palestinians.
Three Points on what bothered me:
I could have done with a lot less of his fatherhood experiences -- while these moments were important to his story, the amount of time he devoted to it felt unnecessary to the point he was trying to make. And ending it with the story of the young boy and the pomegranate (bringing it back to children in the end) felt forced and cliched.
I wanted him to go deeper into the trauma he experienced after the attack. It felt like he was operating on auto-pilot (which he was), but that was it. I only knew how much the attack had affected him because he told me -- not because it was simply evident in his writing.
Third, talking and writing about secondary PTSD is very important, and I imagine there is less of that than there is of first hand PTSD. So this kind of story has a vital role...but he didn't really talk about what his wife went through outside of the physical recovery. And that absence felt odd.
That being said...
There is so much good in this memoir and I am very glad to have read it. Reconciliation, attempts at understanding, allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable to your assumptions of others -- all incredibly important themes in any story, but especially in a story about Jews and Palestinians.
May 28, 2018
That was an intense read. The author writes so well about his wife suffering third degree burns after a terrorist attack in Israel. This book is so many things, a memoir, a historical book about the Palestinian and Israeli conflict, dealing with guilt of surviving a tragic event, trauma and ultimately reconciliation. This book was so good on so many levels, it was truly neutral about the conflict in modern day Israel. Even though the author and his wife are Jewish, they are able to acknowledge the humanity in their Palestinian brothers/sisters. It was refreshing to read his perspective, and his writing is easy to read, almost like you’re having a conversation with him or journal-like. Heavy topic, but very “easy” to read. The author is good at breaking down complexities that are experienced in the Middle East.
September 29, 2020
Read this book in two sittings - due to the author's wit, sensitivity, and candor - the book blends honest exploration of pain with a gentle, self deprecating humor and kindness and compassion... and a very fair eye. I've never read as humanistic and fair a depiction of the origin of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict -- and all with an eye towards understanding the people involved. Unique and special in this regard.
I felt "held" in the painful journey, and even a bit hopeful for the future...the book charts an aspirational path to peace not from a place of power or politics, but from an understanding of what makes all human beings the same - our need to find safety and security for our people.
I felt "held" in the painful journey, and even a bit hopeful for the future...the book charts an aspirational path to peace not from a place of power or politics, but from an understanding of what makes all human beings the same - our need to find safety and security for our people.
November 12, 2013
Harris-Gershon has some important points to make, and I agree with his reasoning about "why did I write this book and not my wife if she's the one who was hurt"- it is definitely important to acknowledge the secondary sufferers of a tragedy, spouses are affected by the pain of those they love and their lives are disrupted and fearful too.
I debated between 2 and 3 stars, but what lost the star in the end was the author's self-focus. To explain- a quote from author Marisha Pessl sprang to mind- "A person must have a magnificent reason for writing out his or her Life Story and expecting anyone to read it."
I felt like he should have waited a few more years, gotten a little older and more perspective and have more things happen in his life. Let the story itself ripen and mature a little longer, before publishing it. Maybe he should have met with more survivors of terror attacks other than just the people he already knew. He did a lot, for an individual, and it was definitely not easy for him. Very admirable to reach out to one Palestinian terrorist's family. That would have been fine if he was just an individual seeking his own closure. But if he's taking the world on his journey with him? it just felt like he'd barely tried. Fail one way, don't give up and settle for one short meeting and then write the book. Meet with other prisoners! Other terrorists, other families, something else. The climax of the book just felt so small and limited for all that buildup.
If he's only writing about his own personal feelings then only that one terrorist and that one family would be relevant. But if this is a book that tries to be about the bigger picture of Israeli-Palestinian relations and NOT just his own experiences, then he should have actually gone out and delved into the personal experiences of people outside his own circle of experience. And by delving so much into the deeper history of the region, I think this book is trying to be broader than through the lens of his own experience.
I think that's why ultimately the book felt so narrow and omphalokeptic/solipsistic to me. He didn't have enough of a Magnificent Reason to justify the book as it is, after setting up the expectations that he did. Though perfectly well structured, and well edited, it still felt unfinished to me. Maybe he'll write a sequel in a few years. But I think he should have waited for that day, I kept feeling like someone had forced him to publish it now.
I was also very bothered by his attitude towards religion. Despite his apparent love for studying Judaism he seems to come out of his learning believing in God reluctantly, almost against his will, and resenting God for it. He views God as a malevolent, nasty, flawed old man with a dirty beard (metaphorically speaking), that humanity must struggle to overcome and escape from if they are to be happy. Evil God, telling Abraham to sacrifice his son because he wants him to be miserable. I mean that is not Judaism! so he clearly missed something along the way. What do they teach at Pardes? Surely not that.
Much credit for how he dealt with the history of the conflict- I liked his approach of showing one side and then the other- the arguments and the other side's counterarguments followed by a counterargument showing the true nature of the conflict; that each side has its own endless justifications for everything they do, and neither is willing to even listen to what the other is saying, let alone trust the other. Harris-Gershon is right that his book is a step forward in our understanding of the situation in Israel through this well-done approach.
Also, he definitely presented some facts about that particular bombing and the context of it in that moment in time that I hadn't known. (But probably I would have known if I had been older when it happened, old enough to actually read the news...so that might just be me.) He doesn't really have any inside sources, just the media reports and those court papers he manages to wring out of the nutty Israeli bureaucracy in a very funny scene. So I'm not sure if I give him too much credit there. I'm coming back to the same problem here. He worked hard as an individual but it just doesn't surpass my personal (in the wikipedia sense) notability guidelines for a full book.
I was also reminded of an experience I had. I was in Herodion once by myself just as a tourist, and met a Palestinian giving a guided tour to a non-Jewish Canadian. He started chatting with me and telling me about the surrounding countryside, and gave me his info and offered to take me on an insider tour of Bethlehem or some other Palestinian city, I can't remember.
Every time I mentioned this story and this man's offer to an Israeli friend, they all had the exact same reaction as Harris-Gershon encountered- "don't even dream of going. You're insane to even listen to him. You'd be dead if you went there."
I didn't go, I would never go off with any random strange man by myself to a random dangerous city, I'm not that stupid. But it's nice to know that someone else went and came out of it okay. So good on you, David!
And I'm very glad that your wife is better, and that you managed to have kids. I hope the process of writing this book gave you the closure you wanted. (Though I still think you should have waited longer to publish it! Oh well.) I'd like to read your next book, and I hope it goes even deeper, broader, and bolder than this one.
I debated between 2 and 3 stars, but what lost the star in the end was the author's self-focus. To explain- a quote from author Marisha Pessl sprang to mind- "A person must have a magnificent reason for writing out his or her Life Story and expecting anyone to read it."
I felt like he should have waited a few more years, gotten a little older and more perspective and have more things happen in his life. Let the story itself ripen and mature a little longer, before publishing it. Maybe he should have met with more survivors of terror attacks other than just the people he already knew. He did a lot, for an individual, and it was definitely not easy for him. Very admirable to reach out to one Palestinian terrorist's family. That would have been fine if he was just an individual seeking his own closure. But if he's taking the world on his journey with him? it just felt like he'd barely tried. Fail one way, don't give up and settle for one short meeting and then write the book. Meet with other prisoners! Other terrorists, other families, something else. The climax of the book just felt so small and limited for all that buildup.
If he's only writing about his own personal feelings then only that one terrorist and that one family would be relevant. But if this is a book that tries to be about the bigger picture of Israeli-Palestinian relations and NOT just his own experiences, then he should have actually gone out and delved into the personal experiences of people outside his own circle of experience. And by delving so much into the deeper history of the region, I think this book is trying to be broader than through the lens of his own experience.
I think that's why ultimately the book felt so narrow and omphalokeptic/solipsistic to me. He didn't have enough of a Magnificent Reason to justify the book as it is, after setting up the expectations that he did. Though perfectly well structured, and well edited, it still felt unfinished to me. Maybe he'll write a sequel in a few years. But I think he should have waited for that day, I kept feeling like someone had forced him to publish it now.
I was also very bothered by his attitude towards religion. Despite his apparent love for studying Judaism he seems to come out of his learning believing in God reluctantly, almost against his will, and resenting God for it. He views God as a malevolent, nasty, flawed old man with a dirty beard (metaphorically speaking), that humanity must struggle to overcome and escape from if they are to be happy. Evil God, telling Abraham to sacrifice his son because he wants him to be miserable. I mean that is not Judaism! so he clearly missed something along the way. What do they teach at Pardes? Surely not that.
Much credit for how he dealt with the history of the conflict- I liked his approach of showing one side and then the other- the arguments and the other side's counterarguments followed by a counterargument showing the true nature of the conflict; that each side has its own endless justifications for everything they do, and neither is willing to even listen to what the other is saying, let alone trust the other. Harris-Gershon is right that his book is a step forward in our understanding of the situation in Israel through this well-done approach.
Also, he definitely presented some facts about that particular bombing and the context of it in that moment in time that I hadn't known. (But probably I would have known if I had been older when it happened, old enough to actually read the news...so that might just be me.) He doesn't really have any inside sources, just the media reports and those court papers he manages to wring out of the nutty Israeli bureaucracy in a very funny scene. So I'm not sure if I give him too much credit there. I'm coming back to the same problem here. He worked hard as an individual but it just doesn't surpass my personal (in the wikipedia sense) notability guidelines for a full book.
I was also reminded of an experience I had. I was in Herodion once by myself just as a tourist, and met a Palestinian giving a guided tour to a non-Jewish Canadian. He started chatting with me and telling me about the surrounding countryside, and gave me his info and offered to take me on an insider tour of Bethlehem or some other Palestinian city, I can't remember.
Every time I mentioned this story and this man's offer to an Israeli friend, they all had the exact same reaction as Harris-Gershon encountered- "don't even dream of going. You're insane to even listen to him. You'd be dead if you went there."
I didn't go, I would never go off with any random strange man by myself to a random dangerous city, I'm not that stupid. But it's nice to know that someone else went and came out of it okay. So good on you, David!
And I'm very glad that your wife is better, and that you managed to have kids. I hope the process of writing this book gave you the closure you wanted. (Though I still think you should have waited longer to publish it! Oh well.) I'd like to read your next book, and I hope it goes even deeper, broader, and bolder than this one.
January 18, 2023
Book is hard to classify. I think he wrote it as a kind of catharsis, kind of like, he couldn't *not* write it. He was obviously gripped by something.
I think my favorite part was his awakening to the idea of a larger conflict: ie, that what happened to his wife was part of a giant pile of historical mistakes and not simply the product of a mindless "terrorist" act.
I think my favorite part was his awakening to the idea of a larger conflict: ie, that what happened to his wife was part of a giant pile of historical mistakes and not simply the product of a mindless "terrorist" act.
May 22, 2018
This is a good exploration of what reconciliation means on a personal level. 4/5 because the author could have described more completely how he felt about Palestinians before he started this exploration and the process of change that his beliefs underwent.
April 30, 2018
Forgiveness, reconciliation, 'censored' history, reality, sacrifice in attitudes, truths can lead to change and inner peace, if not world peace.
April 27, 2019
Horribly self-centered. His wife almost dies and the book focuses on HIS emotions about it. Disgusting.
September 6, 2025
This is the best thing I have read so far that explains on a personal level the Israeli - Palestinian problem. Also an excellent memoir of surviving trauma.
July 21, 2014
I expected great things from this book but then struggled with it, and I'm not sure how to take that.
Harris-Gershon's story is of his wrestling to understand the Israel-Palestine conflict and the factors motivating the man who placed, and detonated, the bomb that injured his wife and killed, among others, two friends. He chronicles his dawning realisation that Israel has made life very, very hard for many Palestinians.
This is his journey, not that of his wife or his friends or the friends' families. That's fine, of course; the bombing had an obvious/tremendous effect on his life, and he had a lot to work through. But I found myself surprised by how little he says about the people most immediately affected. He's vague about his wife's injuries and (physical and mental) recovery, and beyond a visit to the family of one of the lost friends, those friends play a very small role in the narrative.
There are many possible (and valid) reasons for this, and I have no way of knowing what might be true -- his wife could have preferred that he limit details about her; he could have sought to avoid trespassing on other families' grief; he could have felt that those details would broaden the focus of the book more than he wanted. But I think that his very inward focus (again, his journey) gives an incomplete, and not altogether flattering, picture.
The climax of the book comes down to the meeting that spawns the question of the title: unable to arrange a meeting with the bomber himself, Harris-Gershon settled for meeting with the man's family. He'd done a lot of research by that point, and a lot of soul searching, and I give him great credit for going to that meeting with as an open a heart as he could muster. It's difficult, though, because as a climax it's something of a letdown. We don't really learn that much about the people he's meeting; perhaps because the meeting was conducted through a translator, we also don't get much direct dialogue or...closure, I guess. It sounds like Harris-Gershon got the closure he was looking for, and that's the more important thing here -- but I do wish that I'd felt more closure as a reader.
Harris-Gershon's story is of his wrestling to understand the Israel-Palestine conflict and the factors motivating the man who placed, and detonated, the bomb that injured his wife and killed, among others, two friends. He chronicles his dawning realisation that Israel has made life very, very hard for many Palestinians.
This is his journey, not that of his wife or his friends or the friends' families. That's fine, of course; the bombing had an obvious/tremendous effect on his life, and he had a lot to work through. But I found myself surprised by how little he says about the people most immediately affected. He's vague about his wife's injuries and (physical and mental) recovery, and beyond a visit to the family of one of the lost friends, those friends play a very small role in the narrative.
There are many possible (and valid) reasons for this, and I have no way of knowing what might be true -- his wife could have preferred that he limit details about her; he could have sought to avoid trespassing on other families' grief; he could have felt that those details would broaden the focus of the book more than he wanted. But I think that his very inward focus (again, his journey) gives an incomplete, and not altogether flattering, picture.
The climax of the book comes down to the meeting that spawns the question of the title: unable to arrange a meeting with the bomber himself, Harris-Gershon settled for meeting with the man's family. He'd done a lot of research by that point, and a lot of soul searching, and I give him great credit for going to that meeting with as an open a heart as he could muster. It's difficult, though, because as a climax it's something of a letdown. We don't really learn that much about the people he's meeting; perhaps because the meeting was conducted through a translator, we also don't get much direct dialogue or...closure, I guess. It sounds like Harris-Gershon got the closure he was looking for, and that's the more important thing here -- but I do wish that I'd felt more closure as a reader.
October 5, 2020
Okay, first of all, it's an awful title — a terrible, terrible title. Although after finishing the book I have to concede it reflects the superfluous, wordy style. So that's something...
American scholar David Harris-Gershon (pictured) moved to Jerusalem in 2000 with his wife Jamie. Together they enrolled at Hebrew University to pursue graduate degrees in Jewish Education. Shortly after arriving, peace talks broke down and Infitada took root. The tentative political stability that had made them hopeful for a future of peaceful immersion in ancient traditions was shattered.
Yet the newlyweds were determined to remain in Israel. They became used to military checkpoints and the distant rumbling of bombs. Then, in July 2002, an explosion injured Jamie and killed her two friends. She sustained second and third-degree burns over 30% of her body as well as internal damage caused by shrapnel. Scarred both mentally and physically, the couple returned home to the US and settled in Washington DC. They become parents to their “PTSD baby”, Noa, and later a second daughter, Tamar.
Though life continued David struggled to move on. He wished to swap rage for hope, or at least reconciliation. He believed that understanding the culprit would help him and so he reached out to the Palestinian bomber responsible, Mohammad Odeh. In his quest to make sense of personal upheaval, David traces the origins of Hamas from the Muslim Brotherhood and the ensuing relationship with Israel’s political leaders.
The dense political quagmire that is the Palestinian-Israeli conflict overshadows the fascinating story of the couple’s struggle for acceptance and closure. An over-reliance on endnotes and slightly cumbersome interweaving of political commentary and memoir make this ambitious title a challenging read.
This review was published; http://www.welovethisbook.com/reviews...
American scholar David Harris-Gershon (pictured) moved to Jerusalem in 2000 with his wife Jamie. Together they enrolled at Hebrew University to pursue graduate degrees in Jewish Education. Shortly after arriving, peace talks broke down and Infitada took root. The tentative political stability that had made them hopeful for a future of peaceful immersion in ancient traditions was shattered.
Yet the newlyweds were determined to remain in Israel. They became used to military checkpoints and the distant rumbling of bombs. Then, in July 2002, an explosion injured Jamie and killed her two friends. She sustained second and third-degree burns over 30% of her body as well as internal damage caused by shrapnel. Scarred both mentally and physically, the couple returned home to the US and settled in Washington DC. They become parents to their “PTSD baby”, Noa, and later a second daughter, Tamar.
Though life continued David struggled to move on. He wished to swap rage for hope, or at least reconciliation. He believed that understanding the culprit would help him and so he reached out to the Palestinian bomber responsible, Mohammad Odeh. In his quest to make sense of personal upheaval, David traces the origins of Hamas from the Muslim Brotherhood and the ensuing relationship with Israel’s political leaders.
The dense political quagmire that is the Palestinian-Israeli conflict overshadows the fascinating story of the couple’s struggle for acceptance and closure. An over-reliance on endnotes and slightly cumbersome interweaving of political commentary and memoir make this ambitious title a challenging read.
This review was published; http://www.welovethisbook.com/reviews...
September 15, 2013
I do not seek out the easy to read, nice friendly stories that assure me the world is all peachy keen.
Rather I enjoy (in a twisted way, I suppose) reading of other people's problems, tragedies and misfortunes. I do it with the intent to glean lessons from the story, and add them to my mental checklist 'What to do if I end up in similar SHTF moments'.
I recently read & reviewed 'The Almond Tree' by Michelle Cohen Corasanti. I had mistakenly believed it to be a memoir - which it is in fact a fiction piece. Yet I believe these two books should be read - one following the other (which ever way you chose).Both books take place, in large part, in the same geographic location; however told from the other groups' point of view.
David Harris-Gershon's 'What Do You Buy the Children of the Terrorist who Tried to Kill Your Wife' is a stunning, heart wrenching, educating, anger-inducing, peace-wanting read. And an actual memoir. Which I do prefer to fiction to a degree.
While I wear many hats in my life, this book made me put work and recreation aside; I lost sleep and cried from time to time.
Originally I was going to give this book a 4 star rating because I wanted to know more about David's interactions with the terrorists' family, following their initial meeting and I longed for him to actually meet the Mohammed face-to-face. Alas, this did not happen, such is life; and I decided to give 5 stars simply because of this reason. The ending of the book leaves me wanting to know more of his personal story. Did Jamie ever meet other family? Do David's children know of Mohammed's children? Did the prison system ever own up to their actions, or lack of? Was that conversation truly the end of contact with the cab driver? And so many more questions which can only spoil the story and remove some surprises.
A read worthy time and tissues.
Rather I enjoy (in a twisted way, I suppose) reading of other people's problems, tragedies and misfortunes. I do it with the intent to glean lessons from the story, and add them to my mental checklist 'What to do if I end up in similar SHTF moments'.
I recently read & reviewed 'The Almond Tree' by Michelle Cohen Corasanti. I had mistakenly believed it to be a memoir - which it is in fact a fiction piece. Yet I believe these two books should be read - one following the other (which ever way you chose).Both books take place, in large part, in the same geographic location; however told from the other groups' point of view.
David Harris-Gershon's 'What Do You Buy the Children of the Terrorist who Tried to Kill Your Wife' is a stunning, heart wrenching, educating, anger-inducing, peace-wanting read. And an actual memoir. Which I do prefer to fiction to a degree.
While I wear many hats in my life, this book made me put work and recreation aside; I lost sleep and cried from time to time.
Originally I was going to give this book a 4 star rating because I wanted to know more about David's interactions with the terrorists' family, following their initial meeting and I longed for him to actually meet the Mohammed face-to-face. Alas, this did not happen, such is life; and I decided to give 5 stars simply because of this reason. The ending of the book leaves me wanting to know more of his personal story. Did Jamie ever meet other family? Do David's children know of Mohammed's children? Did the prison system ever own up to their actions, or lack of? Was that conversation truly the end of contact with the cab driver? And so many more questions which can only spoil the story and remove some surprises.
A read worthy time and tissues.
January 3, 2016
I follow the Palestine-Israel conflict fairly closely and am always interested in books that deal with this subject matter. The real-life stories detailed in this book held me even more rapt, though. And David Harris-Gershon's candid and neurotic writing allowed the pages to melt away with ease, even through several pages of history - although the history was much-appreciated!
This was a fascinating tale of someone coming to terms with a tragic event in their life. And not only coming to terms, but seeking out reconciliation. In the process, David comes to a greater understanding of the Palestine-Israel conflict and his ignorance of it:
"I did not think of Palestinians as human...I had written every one of them off. Fear and propaganda had urged me to write them off. An entire people. This despite my progressive sensibilities, the same sensibilities that triggered an automatic bristling anytime broad-stroked stereotypes in America were brushed over entire peoples. In America, I was enlightened, but in Israel, I was at war. Us against them. Us against a brutal people. An evil people. A people not worth considering, much less expressing concern over. They were murderers, and anyone interested in standing up for their rights or plights was a traitor and saboteur. For me, it was a zero-sum game. Either we won, or they did.
And so the irony: being personally affected by the inhumane brutality of Palestinian terror...forced me to consider Palestinians' humanity...As I sought the assistance of peace activists, I began to sympathize with their mission: working for the human rights of both Palestinians and Israelis. Things were not black and white, as I had been led to believe. It was not good versus evil. There were shades of brutality and benevolence on both sides." (p.169)
This was a fascinating tale of someone coming to terms with a tragic event in their life. And not only coming to terms, but seeking out reconciliation. In the process, David comes to a greater understanding of the Palestine-Israel conflict and his ignorance of it:
"I did not think of Palestinians as human...I had written every one of them off. Fear and propaganda had urged me to write them off. An entire people. This despite my progressive sensibilities, the same sensibilities that triggered an automatic bristling anytime broad-stroked stereotypes in America were brushed over entire peoples. In America, I was enlightened, but in Israel, I was at war. Us against them. Us against a brutal people. An evil people. A people not worth considering, much less expressing concern over. They were murderers, and anyone interested in standing up for their rights or plights was a traitor and saboteur. For me, it was a zero-sum game. Either we won, or they did.
And so the irony: being personally affected by the inhumane brutality of Palestinian terror...forced me to consider Palestinians' humanity...As I sought the assistance of peace activists, I began to sympathize with their mission: working for the human rights of both Palestinians and Israelis. Things were not black and white, as I had been led to believe. It was not good versus evil. There were shades of brutality and benevolence on both sides." (p.169)
August 25, 2015
I won this book as part of the Goodreads First Reads program. Full review to come when it arrives! :)
UPDATE: When I first started this book, I was worried that I was going to have to give it a negative review. It's very well-written and the author does a great job re-creating his journey back to "normal" after his wife's involvement in the Hebrew University bombing. However, at first it seemed very much like he was taking an extremely one-sided approach to the Israel/Palestine conflict. Mentions of Palestinians usually had the word "terrorist" or something similar in them, while Israelis were "artillery", etc., and all of the conflict in the region seemed to be blamed solely on Palestinians.
Fortunately, this changed dramatically as the book went on, and this change was reflective of the author's own deepening understanding of the conflict and its complexities. I really appreciated the shift he undergoes as he learns more and seeks to grow in his understanding. I also grew to appreciate the fact that he didn't change the beginning of the book to show those complexities, because his own evolving opinions were a really major part of his experiences.
In terms of the book as a whole, I already mentioned how well-written it is, but I also really liked it stylistically. Harris-Gershon intersperses his own story with information about the background to the conflict, or presents his own research findings in ways that are both readable and very informative while being concise and interesting. He did a really amazing thing in striving for reconciliation instead of vengeance, and I find that very admirable. A solid read.
UPDATE: When I first started this book, I was worried that I was going to have to give it a negative review. It's very well-written and the author does a great job re-creating his journey back to "normal" after his wife's involvement in the Hebrew University bombing. However, at first it seemed very much like he was taking an extremely one-sided approach to the Israel/Palestine conflict. Mentions of Palestinians usually had the word "terrorist" or something similar in them, while Israelis were "artillery", etc., and all of the conflict in the region seemed to be blamed solely on Palestinians.
Fortunately, this changed dramatically as the book went on, and this change was reflective of the author's own deepening understanding of the conflict and its complexities. I really appreciated the shift he undergoes as he learns more and seeks to grow in his understanding. I also grew to appreciate the fact that he didn't change the beginning of the book to show those complexities, because his own evolving opinions were a really major part of his experiences.
In terms of the book as a whole, I already mentioned how well-written it is, but I also really liked it stylistically. Harris-Gershon intersperses his own story with information about the background to the conflict, or presents his own research findings in ways that are both readable and very informative while being concise and interesting. He did a really amazing thing in striving for reconciliation instead of vengeance, and I find that very admirable. A solid read.
October 19, 2013
This memoir of one man's experience with Israeli-Palestinian terrorism confronts more than one singular experience. David Harris-Gershon includes in his narrative a rich and fair assessment of the conflict that continues to plague the Middle East. His own experience is Jewish, though his endeavor chronicles the personal costs of terrorism to both Israelis and Palestinians.
Harris-Gershon arrived with his wife in Jerusalem where they were both to study at Hebrew University. His wife met with a group of friends in the cafeteria, where she was seated next to a bomb detonated by a Hamas terrorist. This begins Harris-Gershon's process of grief over the loss of his friends, support for his wife's arduous recovery, and confrontation of his own post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD).
During his confrontation of PTSD, Harris-Gershon decides to also confront the terrorist who tried to kill his wife. In preparation for gaining access to the terrorist, now arrested and imprisoned, Harris-Gershon sifts through Israeli government documents, exposing the inner workings of peace processes. He also demonstrates how his role in the peace process was supported by aid groups but stonewalled by the government. All this with a candid but fair tone and enough humor to lighten this very heavy subject.
This memoir reads more like narrative non-fiction because of the writer's focus on details surrounding his own experience. Highly recommended for those curious about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
Harris-Gershon arrived with his wife in Jerusalem where they were both to study at Hebrew University. His wife met with a group of friends in the cafeteria, where she was seated next to a bomb detonated by a Hamas terrorist. This begins Harris-Gershon's process of grief over the loss of his friends, support for his wife's arduous recovery, and confrontation of his own post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD).
During his confrontation of PTSD, Harris-Gershon decides to also confront the terrorist who tried to kill his wife. In preparation for gaining access to the terrorist, now arrested and imprisoned, Harris-Gershon sifts through Israeli government documents, exposing the inner workings of peace processes. He also demonstrates how his role in the peace process was supported by aid groups but stonewalled by the government. All this with a candid but fair tone and enough humor to lighten this very heavy subject.
This memoir reads more like narrative non-fiction because of the writer's focus on details surrounding his own experience. Highly recommended for those curious about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.
September 27, 2014
I really liked this book, even had a hard time putting it down, but ranked it down a notch because I thought the ending was weak - I felt a little let down. The author did a good job of portraying his anxieties (PTSD) stemming from a terrorist bombing in Jerusalem that injured his wife (and killed two friends, among others). He did a good job of putting the reader in his shoes - he made me FEEL, or at least understand, the anxieties, the doubts, the questioning, the fear, the anger. He also took me along his path of wanting to meet with the terrorist and/or his family to help understand and build toward reconciliation. Along the way the author provides some background on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and what has driven the feelings of each side toward implacability. Behind much of it is a desire to end the conflict and move the two sides toward some kind of reconciliation - a reconciliation that must start with individuals and face-to-face contact. There's an excellent dialogue with himself on the plane on his way to meet with the family about the roles of fear and hope (fear is an emotional response, and can easily overwhelm hope, which is cognitive), and how fear for group safety as opposed to fear for personal safety is is more likely to resist compromise. Where the book broke down, I thought, was at the end. Harris-Gershon didn't make me feel, or understand, that he had reached a state of resolution or reconciliation; and, it all happened so fast, after the long build-up, that it seemed rather forced, or like he was in a hurry to finish the book.
November 18, 2013
A young American and his wife are studying is Israel when his wife is severely injured in a terrorist attack at Hebrew University. After returning to the U.S., Harris-Gershon reads in a newspaper article that the terrorist who placed the bomb in the cafeteria has expressed remorse. He becomes obsessed with meeting the terrorist, Mohammed Odeh, a man with a young family from East Jerusalem.
Harris-Gershon is trying to move on from this trauma and believes the way forward is to try to understand what led Odeh to commit this horrific act. For some, this question is unthinkable, and if this is you and you don't want to be challenged, don't read this. In attempting to recover the humanity of the "enemy," H-G delves into the complicated and bitterly fought history of Israel/Palestine and looks to the South African Commission on Truth and Reconciliation for guidance.
H-G returns to Israel where he meets with the family of Odeh. His visit with Odeh never occurs and it is never clear if it is the Israelis or Odeh who refuses. Ultimately, H-G is not looking to forgive and forget; he is looking for a way to end the cycle of violence and revenge. He is trying to find a way forward to peace.
Harris-Gershon is trying to move on from this trauma and believes the way forward is to try to understand what led Odeh to commit this horrific act. For some, this question is unthinkable, and if this is you and you don't want to be challenged, don't read this. In attempting to recover the humanity of the "enemy," H-G delves into the complicated and bitterly fought history of Israel/Palestine and looks to the South African Commission on Truth and Reconciliation for guidance.
H-G returns to Israel where he meets with the family of Odeh. His visit with Odeh never occurs and it is never clear if it is the Israelis or Odeh who refuses. Ultimately, H-G is not looking to forgive and forget; he is looking for a way to end the cycle of violence and revenge. He is trying to find a way forward to peace.
February 5, 2014
I was interested in reading this memoir as I am interested in restorative justice programs around the world. A powerful memoir outlining a terrorist act that forever changed the author's life and family. The author's journey to try and meet the man who planned the attack and placed the bomb that severely injured is wife and killed many other people including two of his friends if riveting and compelling to read. Given the ongoing nature of the Palestinian/Jewish hostilities I was moved by the author's determination to try and understand what sort of hatred can compel someone to such acts of violence and I thought he gave an honest and accurate representation of the results of his research and an objective account of the displacement of Palestinians since Balfour and the fallout today being the results of decisions made decades earlier. Although no solutions were offered I felt the personal story and the resolution in part the author gained from realising that people are not monsters and there is no black and white answers or explanations that will ever satisfy his quest for understanding was well presented and the human side of wanting to know "why" that drives us humans in the search for answers to questions that sometimes can't be ever answered.
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