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Enough Is Enough: A Step-By-Step Plan to Leave an Abusive Relationship with God's Help
You need to get to safety. Now.
When the abuse starts, that’s when you know enough is enough. It’s time to find a haven somewhere else. There will be a chance down the road to assess where your marriage is headed in the long term. No one is saying divorce is the inevitable outcome. God can transform anyone.
But He doesn’t promise to do that. People choose to persist in sin. And that’s why it’s imperative for you to leave . . . so you can think clearly, take stock of the situation, and most of all, protect yourself and those whom you love.
Dr. David Clarke, a licensed psychologist specializing in marital therapy for more than 30 years, wants to help you make the break from your abusive relationship. Whether or not divorce is on the horizon is beside the point. You need to get out so you can sort it out.
Dr. Clarke understands this journey won’t be easy. That’s why he provides a step-by-step plan that includes practical advice as well as biblical guidance. But leave you must, because abuse is a sin that doesn’t come from above. Let this book help you get away from your abuser so you can give your marriage the best chance to succeed. Because only with some distance will you be able to see what your loving, ever-faithful God has in store for you.
When the abuse starts, that’s when you know enough is enough. It’s time to find a haven somewhere else. There will be a chance down the road to assess where your marriage is headed in the long term. No one is saying divorce is the inevitable outcome. God can transform anyone.
But He doesn’t promise to do that. People choose to persist in sin. And that’s why it’s imperative for you to leave . . . so you can think clearly, take stock of the situation, and most of all, protect yourself and those whom you love.
Dr. David Clarke, a licensed psychologist specializing in marital therapy for more than 30 years, wants to help you make the break from your abusive relationship. Whether or not divorce is on the horizon is beside the point. You need to get out so you can sort it out.
Dr. Clarke understands this journey won’t be easy. That’s why he provides a step-by-step plan that includes practical advice as well as biblical guidance. But leave you must, because abuse is a sin that doesn’t come from above. Let this book help you get away from your abuser so you can give your marriage the best chance to succeed. Because only with some distance will you be able to see what your loving, ever-faithful God has in store for you.
- GenresMarriageNonfiction
Unknown Binding
Published January 1, 2022
125 people are currently reading
274 people want to read
About the author
David Clarke
5 books1 followerLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
February 19, 2022
Despite this book's heavy topic, I found it to be a quick and easy read. David E. Clarke writes in a very concise and clear style, and each chapter is brief, well-organized, and to-the-point. Over the course of the book, he addresses what abuse looks like, why people stay, and how they can get out. He also explains why it is biblical and godly for an abused spouse to leave their abuser, how they can give their abuser a chance to repent and reconcile, and what they can do if that person refuses to change. Clarke is honest about all of the difficulty realities involved, but he provides a clear plan for escape. I am impressed with how thorough this book is, despite its brevity, and highly recommend it to both abuse victims and their helpers.
Enough Is Enough offers a deep dive into common reasons why people wrongly encourage Christian women to stay in their abusive marriages. Clarke dismantles common myths and offers a strong, well-argued explanation for why it is right and essential for abuse victims to get out of abusive situations, regardless whether long-term reconciliation is possible. He also provides litmus tests to help readers determine if they are being abused or just dealing with an unhappy marriage, and he equips readers with ways to either persuade church leaders to help them or reach a point of stability where they can pursue a new church.
Throughout the book, Clarke includes client testimonials, showing how abuse victims have experienced victory in different stages of their healing processes. Most of these stories are from women, and he directs this book to a majority-female audience, but he also includes examples of husbands abused by their wives. I greatly appreciate this, since I usually critique books about abuse for failing to acknowledge male victims and perpetuating common blind spots. Enough Is Enough avoids this common pitfall, and its advice applies to both sexes.
I highly recommend this book to Christians who think they might be in abusive marriages, are preparing to leave their abusers, or are helping a friend in one of those situations. This is also an excellent book for pastors and other church staff members to read, especially since it provides such a clear, biblical rationale for why people should leave their abusers. This is an excellent, concise, and highly readable resource that can change people's minds and make a huge difference in the lives of abuse victims and their loved ones.
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
Enough Is Enough offers a deep dive into common reasons why people wrongly encourage Christian women to stay in their abusive marriages. Clarke dismantles common myths and offers a strong, well-argued explanation for why it is right and essential for abuse victims to get out of abusive situations, regardless whether long-term reconciliation is possible. He also provides litmus tests to help readers determine if they are being abused or just dealing with an unhappy marriage, and he equips readers with ways to either persuade church leaders to help them or reach a point of stability where they can pursue a new church.
Throughout the book, Clarke includes client testimonials, showing how abuse victims have experienced victory in different stages of their healing processes. Most of these stories are from women, and he directs this book to a majority-female audience, but he also includes examples of husbands abused by their wives. I greatly appreciate this, since I usually critique books about abuse for failing to acknowledge male victims and perpetuating common blind spots. Enough Is Enough avoids this common pitfall, and its advice applies to both sexes.
I highly recommend this book to Christians who think they might be in abusive marriages, are preparing to leave their abusers, or are helping a friend in one of those situations. This is also an excellent book for pastors and other church staff members to read, especially since it provides such a clear, biblical rationale for why people should leave their abusers. This is an excellent, concise, and highly readable resource that can change people's minds and make a huge difference in the lives of abuse victims and their loved ones.
I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
March 23, 2019
I absolutely cannot recommend this book. It's HORRIBLE! I think the guy is a narcissist himself! He promotes "his plan" over and over again and even said "God wants you to work my plan and get out." Really? His plan and only his plan??? Not sure I can find that in the Bible. His use of Scripture is weak at best and absent most of the time. He is harsh, tells women to lie to their abusers, and has no gentleness about him to hurting women struggling with what to do in an abusive situation. I can see why the book is self-published. It is terrible. It's probably the worst abuse book I've ever read in my 7 years of studying this subject. If you are in an abusive situation, DO NOT READ THIS BOOK! It will confuse you, hurt you, and pressure you just like your abuser is doing now. There are SO many other books that are clearer and give you gentle, wise counsel and direction as you pray through your next step.
February 11, 2022
Thankfully, I’ve never been in an abusive relationship, but someone very close to me has and she stayed in it because she didn’t know a way out. She thought he would and could change. But he became even more abusive with time. I feel many women stay in unhealthy relationships because they feel the same way—helpless and hopeless. But there is help and there is hope.
In Enough is Enough, Dr. David Clarke (a psychologist who specializes in marital therapy) gives practical advice on separating but does so as a spiritual and biblically based counselor.
If you are living with an abuser and are seeking guidance on how to ‘get out’ and get help, this is a good resource. The guidance isn’t sugar-coated or impractical. It is sound advice and will help you on your way to becoming emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy.
‘I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’”
Jerimiah 29:11
Disclosure: #CoverLoverBookReview received a complimentary copy of this book.
#MPNews
#EnoughIsEnough
In Enough is Enough, Dr. David Clarke (a psychologist who specializes in marital therapy) gives practical advice on separating but does so as a spiritual and biblically based counselor.
If you are living with an abuser and are seeking guidance on how to ‘get out’ and get help, this is a good resource. The guidance isn’t sugar-coated or impractical. It is sound advice and will help you on your way to becoming emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy.
‘I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’”
Jerimiah 29:11
Disclosure: #CoverLoverBookReview received a complimentary copy of this book.
#MPNews
#EnoughIsEnough
January 27, 2023
I don’t agree with all of his thoughts, but I do agree with most and found it refreshing that he takes a different view of how the church should be addressing problems of abuse in marriage in a totally different way than they have done traditionally - one of The big shortcomings of the church. If you are someone, or know anyone going through any kind of abusive relationship, or if you are someone who is in a position to help others, this would be a good listen for you. All the steps are laid out to follow in an abusive relationship. Not easy. It will take time, but they are necessary to hopefully restore the abuser and the family. But as he said, only 5-8% of abusers WILL agree to follow the plan. The rest will have to move on - again, not the traditional view by the church. But biblical.
May 9, 2023
He decided we were getting back together
I asked for the divorce. He is getting lawyer. He believes he is right. I am 75. He is 76. I had 50 years of marriage with two husbands in heaven. I want divorce. Thank you for help. We were married 2 years.
I asked for the divorce. He is getting lawyer. He believes he is right. I am 75. He is 76. I had 50 years of marriage with two husbands in heaven. I want divorce. Thank you for help. We were married 2 years.
February 7, 2024
I am lost for words to describe the power of this book! I have never come across more relatable, comforting and validating piece of work on narcissistic abuse so far in my life! And trust me, I’ve been digging very deep!
From defining the gravity and outlines of narcissistic abuse, the defining characteristics and signs, behaviour and traits, to redirecting the attention to how it was implemented in the day-to-day life of the person living with the abuser, explaining the short and long term effects from it, how to spot it, confront it, and try to work through it with the abuser. From highlighting some of the real reasons from the abuser’s life (childhood trauma, other abuse in previous relationships, etc) behind it, but also the ‘reasons’ the abuses party sees as such for receiving the abuse from the abuser to marking some of the very strong turning points of realisation for the abused party and how to take steps towards getting back what was taken away from them while abuse was endured. From the damage caused and some even life-long lasting traumas the abused has to work on in order to heal and regain a healthy understanding about relationships and healthier view of themselves after being broken in so many ways to the list of trauma recovery strategies the author offers is very on-point and makes his experience and understanding in the field so clear and comforting! The clear path towards safety and steady healing after such abuse is explained in such a relatable way, that one feels understood and genuinely sensing an invisible energy of motivation to keep going, almost reassurance of a kind!
The validation and comfort this book gives is above and beyond the expected! I would definitely recommend this absolute piece of gold to everyone who have gone through, or have doubts they might be going through, narcissistic abuse from a partner!
Having experienced such abuse myself, I would most certainly forever call this ‘My Go-To for narcissistic abuse and recovery’!!!
P.S.: The only thing I’d say I don’t like is the heavy reference to the Bible and religious views altogether. I’m a non-believer so felt a bit of filtering was needed while reading. But still, that did not stop me from loving every single word of the rest of it!!
From defining the gravity and outlines of narcissistic abuse, the defining characteristics and signs, behaviour and traits, to redirecting the attention to how it was implemented in the day-to-day life of the person living with the abuser, explaining the short and long term effects from it, how to spot it, confront it, and try to work through it with the abuser. From highlighting some of the real reasons from the abuser’s life (childhood trauma, other abuse in previous relationships, etc) behind it, but also the ‘reasons’ the abuses party sees as such for receiving the abuse from the abuser to marking some of the very strong turning points of realisation for the abused party and how to take steps towards getting back what was taken away from them while abuse was endured. From the damage caused and some even life-long lasting traumas the abused has to work on in order to heal and regain a healthy understanding about relationships and healthier view of themselves after being broken in so many ways to the list of trauma recovery strategies the author offers is very on-point and makes his experience and understanding in the field so clear and comforting! The clear path towards safety and steady healing after such abuse is explained in such a relatable way, that one feels understood and genuinely sensing an invisible energy of motivation to keep going, almost reassurance of a kind!
The validation and comfort this book gives is above and beyond the expected! I would definitely recommend this absolute piece of gold to everyone who have gone through, or have doubts they might be going through, narcissistic abuse from a partner!
Having experienced such abuse myself, I would most certainly forever call this ‘My Go-To for narcissistic abuse and recovery’!!!
P.S.: The only thing I’d say I don’t like is the heavy reference to the Bible and religious views altogether. I’m a non-believer so felt a bit of filtering was needed while reading. But still, that did not stop me from loving every single word of the rest of it!!
February 27, 2023
This book was very helpful to me in my decision to leave my abusive marriage. I just wish it was written 10 years ago while my children were younger. While our 30th anniversary is coming up this year, I’ve discovered about 8 years ago that my abuser is a narcissist. I thought that I would stick it out with him until my youngest graduated from high school. Then my oldest was getting married so I thought I would stay a little longer. After reading this book, I have a few things to work on until I can finally say enough is enough! I’m looking forward to my freedom and happiness. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who feels trapped in an abusive marriage and/or relationship.
November 14, 2023
This book was recommended to me and I'm so glad; it's a lifesaver! If you are in an abusive relationship, if you want a Christian perspective, scripturally sound guidelines, and need confidence and guidance in decisions, this book will walk you through a step by step process. You will gain knowledge, clarity, insight, and above all, assurance that you CAN leave an abusive marriage.
I have watched many of Dr. Clarke's videos and Reels. He is a guest speaker with many of my favorite relationship counselors in podcasts and on YouTube. His credentials and experience make him very qualified to speak in truth and compassion.
I have watched many of Dr. Clarke's videos and Reels. He is a guest speaker with many of my favorite relationship counselors in podcasts and on YouTube. His credentials and experience make him very qualified to speak in truth and compassion.
December 30, 2023
I honestly think every woman (and man for that matter) considering marriage should read this book. It’s intended for spouses in abusive (physical, yes, but also psychological abuse) relationships. I think it’s important for us to enter voluntary covenantal relationship of marriage with eyes wide open. After 28 years of marriage, we have had our share of ups and downs and I am glad to say that we have weathered some storms and come through. This book will force you to view unhealthy behavior with clear vision.
Content considerations stories of abuse, discussion of sexual, verbal, and physical abuse.
Content considerations stories of abuse, discussion of sexual, verbal, and physical abuse.
October 7, 2023
Very Helpful
This is a tough, no-nonsense approach. I found it jaw-dropping-ly relatable. I feel it may be hard to execute and do wonder if scripture is used out of context at times. That would be my biggest concern- are we making scripture say something it doesn’t or when it is meant for a different audience? I did find it so helpful though to understand my situation. I appreciate the work done by Dr. David Clarke and how he cares about those being abused. Thank you so much for writing this!
This is a tough, no-nonsense approach. I found it jaw-dropping-ly relatable. I feel it may be hard to execute and do wonder if scripture is used out of context at times. That would be my biggest concern- are we making scripture say something it doesn’t or when it is meant for a different audience? I did find it so helpful though to understand my situation. I appreciate the work done by Dr. David Clarke and how he cares about those being abused. Thank you so much for writing this!
February 20, 2022
Help for those living with abusers
Although I believe he misuses Scripture several times, (such as Abigail leaving her abuser, no she didn’t; Nabal died -freeing her from the marriage), this book helps identify what abuse is and if one is dealing with an abuser and practical ways to heal and possibly save a marriage. It helps other counselors with helpful counseling advice/techniques as well as helping the abused have hope for a better life.
Although I believe he misuses Scripture several times, (such as Abigail leaving her abuser, no she didn’t; Nabal died -freeing her from the marriage), this book helps identify what abuse is and if one is dealing with an abuser and practical ways to heal and possibly save a marriage. It helps other counselors with helpful counseling advice/techniques as well as helping the abused have hope for a better life.
January 16, 2023
Overly simplistic and highly aggressive (may be triggering to survivors). His advice may look good technically, but in application, it may prove is unnecessarily dangerous - especially when children are involved. Always call the police if you are being physically harmed, see a licensed counselor and avoid speaking poorly about your ex to the kids.
July 6, 2024
I’m conflicted by this book. The author clearly knows abusers. Yet, it was lacking in scripture references. He spends the entire book telling victims what to do. I guess I take a different approach to helping abuse victims leave. Yet, and I will give credit where it is due — he knows abusers really, really well.
July 8, 2023
I needed to read this book & and I will need to read it again (& again). A lot of ideas & advice on what to do when you're living with a narcissistic person.
April 23, 2024
Great, tangible advice on getting out of abusive relationships
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September 16, 2024Rating this book doesn’t seem appropriate. I read it because I’m curious about different types of trauma.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews