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My Dildo is a Serial Killer

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Christina is overweight and unhappy. Searching for momentary relief from the painful monotony of her existence, she finds herself browsing the wares at the local sex shop. It’s here that Christina happens upon the company of Terry, the spirit of a vicious serial killer trapped inside a giant purple dildo.In exchange for naughty favors, Christina agrees to keep Terry supplied with fresh victims. Fueled by her insatiable lust, the two embark on a wild murder spree that quickly spirals out of control, culminating into a final, jaw-dropping climax revealing the true intention behind Terry’s selfish bloodlust.Warning! This book contains graphic content and adult language. It may disturb some readers and should only be read by seasoned readers of extreme sexual horror and violence.

103 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 16, 2021

4 people are currently reading
249 people want to read

About the author

Simon McHardy

43 books290 followers
Simon McHardy is the author of the infamous MOTHER MAGGOT. He lives a reclusive life in Tasmania Australia. Due to the extreme nature of his books, most are exclusive to Godless.com.

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5 stars
59 (53%)
4 stars
29 (26%)
3 stars
13 (11%)
2 stars
6 (5%)
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4 (3%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews
Profile Image for Zain.
1,884 reviews285 followers
October 28, 2023
Delightfully Disgusting!

If you like to read horror that is extremely bizarre and graphic to boot, this book is the one for you.

Filled with wit that is horrifically on the mark, the story here will give you a start.

You won’t be able to put this book down or peel your eyes away. You’d be shaking your head and saying, “What did he just say?”

Extremely bizarre, it is what it is.

Four fantastic stars. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Profile Image for MadameD.
585 reviews56 followers
November 4, 2021
Deliciously Evil!!!

Thank you so much, Simon McHardy for this awesome ARC!!🤗

I Loved it!!🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀

So far, Simon McHardy (👑) and Sean Hawker (👹) never disappointed me.
MY DILDO IS A SERIAL KILLER is a story all Splatter-punk Bizarro’s fans should read.

If I didn’t have my kids, and my husband, who interrupted me all the time, with endless questions. Or, if The Sandman wasn’t throwing sand in my face, each time I was trying to read. I would have read, MY DILDO IS A SERIAL KILLER, in one sitting.
It was so funny! I mean, Simon McHardy and Sean Hawker kind of funny stories, with lots of gruesome, inappropriate moments.
I’m always impressed by their imagination. How could they have written such a vile, disturbing, disgusting, brutal and hilarious story? This book will get them in so much trouble, so so much trouble. 😆
In this story everyone is a target to their crazy imagination, nothing and nobody is sacred and safe.
I laughed so much, when Father Ted met Terry. Poor Father Ted. I won’t tell you what happened to him, but that was hardcore. I’m still laughing about it.🤣 I’m a bad person, shame on me.🤣🤣🤣
I have never been to confession, but after reading MY DILDO IS A SERIAL KILLER, I think I should. I’m a little bit ashamed of myself, just a tiny bit. I laughed too much about what happened to the kid in the wheelchair, and Christina when she was a child.

I highly recommend it to splatter-punk bizarro’s fans.
I had so much fun! I hope they will write a sequel!😈
Profile Image for Janie.
1,173 reviews
October 24, 2021
Beyond grotesque and beyond redemption. Simon McHardy and Sean Hawker have done it again, seamlessly putting together a story of gag-worthy violence and horror- inducing characters that will either have you laughing hysterically or running for the nearest receptacle. Maybe both! Just don't cross paths with Darlene. Bye-bye, torso.
Profile Image for Ian.
557 reviews84 followers
November 18, 2021
'Time to meet Dastardly Des and Darlene the Dangerous - oh my!"

Has lonely Christina finally found happiness after meeting the ultimate 'man - part' of her dreams, or is her new life journey just a sham that's bound to end up in tears and outrageous abomination?

A great, unusual and highly humorous ultra-violent 'splatterpunk' sex romp that certainly doesn't hold back. Pure 'adult' farce from the outset, littered with violent acts of aggression and fully loaded with heaps of crazed depravity and debauchery.

Lots of absurd, irreverent fun, but certainly not for everyone - you know what to expect!

Who said that the age of romance was dead? - time to think again.

Rating: 4. 4 stars of mind boggling filthy frivolity - enjoyed it (but please don't tell anyone).
Profile Image for Dakota Dawe.
195 reviews10 followers
November 11, 2021
What do you get when you cross a possessed dildo with a fat lady in desperate need of a good lay? This crazy freaking book! Christina is a big lady who just wanted to buy a dildo, but instead a talking dildo lied to her about being a genie (the nerve!) and convinces her to pay for sex with some good ol’ brutal killing. The kills are very creative, the story is filled with humor, and the dream pairing of McHardy and Hawker does not disappoint. Those orgasms must have been something completely out of this world to make Christina go on a killing spree with barely a fight.
Profile Image for vee.
885 reviews397 followers
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December 27, 2021
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Profile Image for Renée.
226 reviews3 followers
October 18, 2021
McHardy and Hawker mashed their brains together for another fucked up, gloriously disgusting splattery piece of filth. Utterly absurd, hilarious fun. Wtf will they come up with next?!
Profile Image for River Dixon.
Author 20 books89 followers
October 16, 2021
Available now from Amazon, godless.com, and pottersgrovepress.com

Profile Image for Lindsay Crook.
1,073 reviews37 followers
October 17, 2021
Terry the terror

My favourite dirty duo have done it again. The stuff they come up with makes me worry about myself for loving it so much.

Profile Image for Nikolas Robinson.
Author 34 books101 followers
October 21, 2021
I’ve never looked at a dildo and mistaken it for a chest expander, but I’m not a priest, so there’s that. This is how Hawker and McHardy begin their novella, My Dildo Is a Serial Killer.
A priest opens a box containing what he believes to be exercise equipment, and insanity ensues. Of course, this mistake arises because someone who couldn’t spell “exorcism” delivered the box with the expectation that someone associated with the church would be able to remedy the problem with the giant purple dildo possessed by the spirit of a serial killer. His name is Terry.
Escaping from the exorcism performed by a couple of priests, Terry finds his way to Christina, a disgusting human being with potentially no redeeming qualities. She is the perfect tool for the fulfillment of Terry’s needs. It’s not totally her fault, though. Wait until you meet her parents because, as messed up as Christina happens to be, there’s no doubt they played a key role in nudging her along that path.
I’m not telling you anything more about this one. You have to experience it for yourself. The deaths are over-the-top and gruesome, the humor is dark and perverse, and the blistering pace keeps the reader raw and sore as McHardy and Hawker bestow us with a barrage of absurd, graphic, and hilarious events from beginning to climax.
These two are fantastic on their own. Combined, they craft a seamless narrative that captures the best of both worlds.
Profile Image for Lisa Lee.
573 reviews38 followers
November 6, 2021
I read this story in one sitting. It starts out with a shocking wtf-did-I-just-read and never lets up. Extreme Horror fans only because this is a graphic and brutal tale.

But it’s more than that. Simon, Sean, I see what you did.

I could go on and on about the sick humor, car-wreck-fascination-inducing brutal sequences, surprisingly developed characters, and clever plot, but suffice it to say those things are all done and done well and flow at a good pace. It’s a gruesome, engrossing story you won’t want to put down (because what’s next and how in the world is this going to end?) However, the underlying premise is what really got to me.

At its heart, this is a story about a woman who has been bullied and abused her entire life. It’s about her willing and headlong descent into madness. It’s about the dark side of madness and how madness opens one up to darkness. It’s a sick, twisted, gruesome, graphic, gory statement about abuse and insanity told in the language of the Extreme Horror subgenre of horror literature.

Well done, gentlemen. Well done.
Profile Image for Rayne Havok.
Author 38 books685 followers
January 5, 2022
McHardy and Hawker together are like an extreme horror/sexy/disgusting mess of all the things I love to love.

The guys are freaking hysterical! This stuff shouldn't be allowed to be thoughts, let alone written down to be preserved. I am an absolute die-hard fan. Even when I can't get enough time to read, I will stay awake and read through little slits in my eyes while I laugh myself into trouble.
Great job! As always, highly recommend!
Profile Image for Hail Hydra! ~Dave Anderson~.
314 reviews11 followers
December 23, 2023
Terry sucked in a breath and stared at the ruptured cocoon he’d emerged from.
His eyes were aflame, and majestic, ivory horns protruded from his head.

"Hell yes, I’m back." he growled as the sound of sirens grew louder through the broken window.
Profile Image for Stitching Ghost.
1,498 reviews390 followers
March 9, 2023
I was told this was going to be funny, I wasn't prepared for a sweet and only a little toxic romance between a traumatized woman recovering from parental abuse who is barely coping with her toxic work environment and a slightly used purple adult toy possessed by the soul of a demonic serial killer, and since said serial killer dild is marginally less toxic than my ex well there's also a good for her revenge fantasy in there which culminates in a let's just say fusional conclusion.

There is an absolutely uncalled for amount of sex and violence in there and it's often gratuitously gross but if you have the particular sense of humor for it it's also ugly cackle inducing.
Profile Image for Michael.
755 reviews56 followers
November 13, 2021
What a crazy splatter novella. I really enjoyed the crazyness in this story. Starts out with a bang, and gets more messed up. The ending was really brutal and great. McHardy and Hawker write so well together. They take taboo subject matter and ramp it up way past anyone's comfort zone.
Profile Image for Rachael.
484 reviews25 followers
January 23, 2022
Fucking Hilarious!! I literally laughed out loud so many times reading this. McHardy is the best at adding humor to gore. Adding Hawker to mix. Perfect!! I am now on the hunt for a purple dilldo. Just Kidding.

Happy Reading and Splatter On.....
Profile Image for Jarrod Scarbrough.
Author 1 book15 followers
October 18, 2021
This book sure packs a punch! From the extreme beginning to the even more extreme climax (pun intended), fans of the extreme horror sub genre will not be disappointed! This is my first look by either author, but I will definitely be revisiting their stuff. I found myself cringing at some of the gross out parts, but no worries no vomiting here. I did laugh out loud several times throughout this book. It's sick, offensive, disgusting, twisted, and I absolutely loved it! Not for the faint at heart, but then again the title should pretty much prep you.
Profile Image for Sheldon Jimmie.
83 reviews4 followers
November 24, 2021
What in the fuck guys!?!? Haha
That was a messed up book. I was on my way home from hunting and I was reading this, my brother and cousin asked me what book I'm reading.......so I told them and they're response was "you're fucked up Sheldon"
Profile Image for Horror Bookworm Reviews.
535 reviews191 followers
June 18, 2022
Horror Bookworm Reviews
https://horrorbookwormreviews.com/

Christina experienced an extremely abusive childhood consisting of physical and emotional trauma resulting in long term effects, eventually scarring her adult life. She unexpectedly stumbles across a peculiar piece of sexual equipment that promises a wealth of ecstasy and satisfaction in return for questionable fiendish services. Will Christina face her demons and overcome temptation, or will she make a deal with the dildo devil.

A 16 inch purple dildo takes the leading role of this pulsating piece of floozy fiction brought to you by none other than Simon McHardy & Sean Hawker. From a church’s charity drive to a sexual sinner’s confessional, these two taboo authors know how to break every Kama Sutra carnal sin known to man. This novella combines violent carnage, morbid men of the cloth and sexual comeuppance like a burger, shake & fries combo meal.

The blood, gore and sex flow from page to page like a holy water splashing priest. Each kill brings a new warning to the word trigger. McHardy & Hawker provides a satisfying plunge into the reanimating of inanimate objects. Their unusual method of storytelling is a fun encounter with inappropriate behavior and numerous sins of lust. Warning: Must have an open mind and sense of humor to appreciate.

May the power of Christ compel you to purchase this chainsaw wielding wealth of creative writing. If your local gas station bathroom stall doesn’t have - For A Good Time Read McHardy & Hawker - please grab a sharpie and add it to all the other featured art provided. This book comes with a Horror Bookworm Recommendation seal of approval.
Profile Image for Corrina Morse.
818 reviews128 followers
October 31, 2021
O....M....G!!!! 😲
These two do not hold back at all, straight in with the hilarity and nastiness, plenty of bodily fluids as always, from semen to shit and absolutely everything in between!!
This is 100mph of McHardy and Hawker at their finest/grossest!! 😉
It's absolutely disgusting, horrific, and brilliantly humorous, which is exactly what we want from this pair - and always what we get!
From start to finish was jam packed with vileness - and that finish was complete bloody carnage!! 😁🩸
Utter, utter brilliance once again boys- thanks for the ride!!

10/5 serial killing eggplants because there is no dildo emoji (Why not??) 😂
🍆🩸🍆🩸🍆🩸🍆🩸🍆🩸🍆🩸🍆🩸🍆🩸🍆🩸🍆🩸
Profile Image for Matthew Clarke.
Author 59 books181 followers
October 22, 2021
I would drag my nuts through broken glass and vinegar for more of this.
Profile Image for Gohnar23 (hiatus but still reading).
1,092 reviews38 followers
November 23, 2025
#️⃣6️⃣3️⃣2️⃣ Read & Reviewed in 2025 🌠☔
Date Read: Tuesday, November 18, 2025

5️⃣🌟, *cough cough* plus points for originality; I mean who would ever even THINK of writing this?
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30th read in "Lush and Beautiful Reads" November🌃
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┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊★˚ .• *
┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ˚✩ ⋆。˚ ✩
┊ ┊ ︎✧
┊ . ˚ ˚✩




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My Dildo Is A Serial Killer is about —
Ahm —...
A .. uhhhh /______,,,,,,,

Ok so My Dildo Is A Serial Killer is about a piece of purple Dildo being possessed by the spirit of a serial killer named Terry, so now the dildo gains conscience and now commits crimes alongside Christina, the obese girl who's very naughty and also kinda wants to kill everyone too so like it's a tandem, real close buddies in literal crime and pleasure right there.

All they do is like, probably one of the most predictable things that you can ever think of just by looking at that title,. Yep you guessed it: they rape and torture people to death, and thats kinda just it :D

The genre is splatterpunk, would you expect literally anything other than that¿

They have the absolute fun time raping priests, cashiers (and the cash register somehow :D) and of course Christiana raping both of her parents! Cuz idk, the genre is splatterpunk¿ Probably one of the stupidest genre movements of the 1980s meets authors such as this one who just wants to write the most edgiest shit known to mankind. (And i can't get enough of it) Been quite a while since i've read something in this genre once again, good to see it still has it's 'intentionally poorly written' vibe that mostly focuses on gore for the sake of gore. Good for a quick 100 page read.

Absolutely don't recommend for anyone to read at all cuz like technically speaking this is a pretty trashy book. or if you're into weird shi then ok maybe read this one. but brace yourselves, it's a pretty stupid story with ragebait elements.
3 reviews1 follower
October 17, 2021
In my recent review of Neil, I asked for more Sean and Simon and got exactly what I bargained for with this new book. Two of my favorite extreme horror authors have joined forces again and throw an unhappy, fat woman, a deranged serial killer, and a huge, purple, talking dildo onto an unsuspecting plot and completely BUTCHER it from there.

While I keep trying to balance my diet of of horror with other genres it is stuff like this that keeps spearing me with a big rusty harpoon, drag me back across old and cracked tarmac behind a a vile-smelling 4x4 and doing all sorts of vile, unpleasant stuff to me. Thanks for keeping from a more productive life guys!

More! Simon, Sean, give me more!

On a side note, why has godless.com so long evaded my attention? I bought a Kindle a year or two ago to get my hands on a decent amount of horror, but Godless appears to be a (much) better match with the indie horror spirit. Cannot recommend them enough.
Profile Image for Jason.
84 reviews
November 10, 2021
If Axel Braun had directed “Child’s Play”it still would not have been this funny.
Profile Image for August Rain Vaughn.
58 reviews11 followers
June 22, 2022
What a way to get me into this genre!!
I absolutely loved the grizzly gore and (I’d say) justified retribution this unlikely pair rained down on their victims! Amazingly graphic violence and sexual content well-blended with dark comedy. I will most definitely look for these authors again in the future and, as always, snatch up anything recommend by Christina, aka Mama C of the Mother’s of Mayhem podcast!
Profile Image for Stefanie Duncan.
413 reviews29 followers
May 18, 2022
There isn't a word in the English dictionary to describe for what I just read.

Hawker and McHardy manage to tell you a ridiculous story that is full of filth, gore, every bodily fluid you can think off, a talking Dildo, and then.. and then make you feel sorry for the main protagonist.

The story is highly entertaining, has laugh-out loud moments, and then throw in some serious undertones where you go.. damn..

Great story. I need more Hawker/McHardy.

Profile Image for Todd Love.
Author 40 books100 followers
October 29, 2021
Funtastic Read! Crazy tale of revenge and passion. The Hawkman and The Simonator strike again. Brutal, gory, gross 🤮, fetish packed mayhem. Fun for the whole twisted family. Lol 😝.
Profile Image for Scott .
51 reviews8 followers
November 17, 2021
The fact that I was given the honor of being included in the dedication of the second collaboration from the sick fuck duo of McHardy and Hawker has no bearing on the fact that this one is nothing less than a taint-tickling, rollicking, gooey good time. Full-figured Christina has had her fill of insults and injury while looking for love in all the wrong places. Tired of taking and unintentionally giving shit to her coworkers who are like the cast of The Office if they were fired and replaced with flunkies from a twelve-step sexual harassment seminar, our hefty heroine makes the inevitable acquaintance of a talking, possessed dildo named Terry who's very much the veiny, girthy, bell-ended equivalent of Child's Play's Chucky--if Chucky was a rubber fuck toy instead of a rubber kid's toy. Desperate to get her poonaner pounded in exchange for satiating Terry's bloodlust, the two embark on a Mickey and Mallory-style murder spree that's a laugh riot of innocent and far-from-innocent folks getting literally and figuratively fucked up by Christina and her very bad influence of a side-dick. A wet and wild work that has to be read to be believed, the authors' styles once again mesh perfectly as the story flows seamlessly towards a finale of side-splitting and head-splitting fuckedupedness that you won't see cumming, and will likely have you bending over begging for more.
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