我有一个秘密

by 西西特

黄单的痛感神经天生异于常人。

"I Have a Secret"

Huang Dan’s sensation of pain is innately different from ordinary people. The littlest tear in his skin can cause him to sweat all over his body in pain, to the point where he is unable to say a word.

Somehow, he began to cross through different worlds, following Mr. System to complete tasks…

In the first world, Huang Dan realizes what it means to be in such pain as to die, live, and die again.

Genres: China

Webnovel

Published August 18, 2019

Reviews

[yel ᰔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

➺ 4/5🌟

I've been aware that aside from the literal ending of this novel, every ending of each mini arc/world (this is a quick transmigration) is not happy ending, and I thought I was already emotionally prepared for that. Some endings have a melancholy vibe, sad but the overall outcome is not too bad since the MC and ML were able to spent decades together, but there are arcs that are too devastating and heartbreaking that thinking about it made me want to sob again. Being emotionally prepared is not enough.

MC is someone whose pain sensitivity is a lot higher than normal people. A 1 out 10 level of pain for us can make him tear up from agony. In each world, he can even die from excruciating pain alone, namely the pain from having sex. That body constitution played a relevant role in the overall plot. He's also mostly expressionless and emotionless, someone who didn't even know how to genuinely express his emotions. The start of this novel, you'll noticed how even though we are in his perspective, aside from the time when he's deducing and solving the mission of each world, we couldn't really take a glimpse of his thoughts about his emotions. Especially in the first arc where I even thought he's just going with the flow in his relationship with the ML. But the more he travel in different worlds, the more he feels and acts like a normal human.

ML is someone who falls desperately and deeply in love with MC in every world, despite not retaining his memory from their last life together. No matter how bad his first impression is with the MC, he just couldn't escape his feelings and when he started to fall in love, he fall really hard. He always has this distinct characteristic about him that no matter what world they are in, the MC always recognizes him. His love and obsession literally forms the strong tie that always connects them no matter what world they are in. When I say obsession, it's not the toxic, abusive kind. It's more like a raw, unconditional feeling that is both heartbreaking and beautiful.

ML loves the MC so much and MC knows it that's why he's very indulging in every way. When ML wants cuddles, he will gladly give. Even though their intimate moments sometimes made the MC feel so much physical pain (with his high pain sensitivity and all), he will never not indulge the ML because it's his way to show that he loves the ML too. Their love for each other is so genuine that it's crushing my soul.

I literally sobbed reading the ending of some of the arcs. The tears were non-stop that it left my heart so hollow. I dreaded each ending because it's always heartbreaking, just not sure the level of pain because it varies. I'm actually glad that I was spoiled about this having a happy ending, because if I was not aware, I would really thought it would be a tragic ending with all pain but no payoff.

The subtle connections and the little details that carry over to the next world makes the connection more profound and it's really good. I remember in the ending of the second world, after 20 years in coma, the ML woke up with a skeleton beside him, hugging him tightly and knew that the MC dies while waiting for him to wake up. Then in the third world, the ML has this severe insomnia and he really couldn't sleep well without having nightmares, and those nightmares left him in panic. It seems like the MC's death while he's asleep affected him so deeply that it manifested in the next world. I just loved all those details. It seemed small but it's very significant.

I can recommend the plot itself because the mystery solving is really good. I just don't think the emotional torture is for everyone.

[Dianna · Rating 3 out of 5]

English name: I Have a Secret

I don't usually read quick transmigration stories since I prefer staying with one consistent set of characters and one world for the whole book. However, this story had some rave reviews on Novel Updates, so I decided to give it a try. Little did I know I would come to regret that decision...

First of all, this story is incredibly long. Each chapter is usually 2x the length of normal Chinese novel chapters, so it took forever to read. Plus I found most arcs to move very slowly and read more like slice of life than anything else, even though the MC is supposed to be solving a mystery in each arc, and I was often bored. I wanted to drop it halfway through because I didn't find myself enjoying it that much, but since I had already read so much of it, I decided to read it through to the end. However, it took me fully 2 weeks to finish which is quite a long time for me.

I think my main problem with the story is what I mentioned above, that the pacing was incredibly slow. In each world, our MC Huang Dan is tasked by the system to solve some mystery. For example, in the first arc, he needs to figure out who the murderer from a homicide 2 years ago is, or in the second arc, he's tasked with figuring out who the demon is. In theory, the premise sounds interesting, but in practice, most of each arc is spent describing how Huang Dan lives his day to day life while interacting with a small group of potential suspects and it's quite boring. In my least favorite arc, I skipped 10 chapters because I was so bored and don't feel like I missed out on much. Only in the last couple chapters when all of the details are revealed do things become more interesting.

I do think the mysteries are done well here. When the MC first meets all of the characters and potential suspects in each world, they all seem so normal. It's a constant recurring theme that humans are never as they appear, and sometimes the true demons are hidden inside humans in the lengths that they will go to to protect themselves. I found myself constantly shocked as Huang Dan uncovers the truths in each world. Generally each arc has multiple deaths, and it's not always the same person behind all of the deaths, so the story itself is quite intricate each time given that it's only one arc of several.

One thing that some reviews noted set this book apart from other QT books is that all of the worlds are quite realistic and believable. I agree with this sentiment for the most part, though some arcs include fantastical elements such as ghosts and demons which I thought was an odd addition to the otherwise realistic environments.

In each world, our MC is also accompanied by the ML, who takes a different appearance in each world and is only recognizable by his shapely butt. For the initial arcs, the author spends some time developing the romance between them, but later on as Huang Dan proactively looks for the ML, he cuts through the flirting and takes a much more quick approach by confessing directly to the ML. Interestingly, there aren't a lot of arcs where they both live to an old age and die happily together. More often than not, one of them dies an early death and the other has to live on by themselves. Not sure why the author didn't want to give them more happy endings.

By the end, the author does try to explain a bit more about the system and Huang Dan's background, but I found the explanation quite lacking and was honestly quite confused by it. I decided to not think too deeply about the how's and why's, since at that point I was super ready for the story to be over.

Anyways, I'll end my review by listing out each arc for my own reference and some thoughts on them:

There are 7 QT arcs where the MC has to solve some mystery, plus one arc where the MC returns to his high school days, followed by one final arc in the "modern day".

Arc 1: Countryside Love
MC is in a rural village and needs to figure out who murdered Li Dagui 2 years ago. The ML is the deceased's older brother who moved back to the village to take care of his mom after his brother's death. There are multiple deaths that occur even after the MC joins this world, and I was shocked that even his character's mom was involved in one of them.

Arc 2: Guess Who I Am?
There's a demon running among the towns people eating them and the MC has to figure out who it is. He's the grandson and sole heir of a powerful and rich businesswoman, while the ML is the detective working the case. It's set in a semi-feudal Chinese society with some modern elements like cameras, so I'm thinking late 1800s or early 1900s. This was one of the more interesting arcs, since it has an actual demon going around eating human flesh and drinking human blood, but it's actual humans doing the killing and the demon is just cleaning up after them. This had a sad ending for the MC and ML, since it's revealed the ML is also a demon but lost all of his cultivation crying over the MC's death. No happy ending here =/

Arc 3: Finding the Peeping Tom
Set in the modern world, the MC is a character called Lin Yi who lives in a shared apartment with many roommates and needs to find the peeping tom from amongst them. The ML is a policeman who also lives in the same unit. This was my least favorite arc and I skipped a bunch of chapters. The reveal was pretty anticlimactic as well. Turns out the peeping tom was a terminally sick sex worker who lives in the same unit and peeps on others because her own life is too depressing and as a result, she has an abnormal curiosity about other people’s lives.

Arc 4: Thief of a Small Shop
The MC's family manages a small convenience store next to a construction site. One night, their store is broken into and their dog killed, and he needs to figure out whodunnit. The ML is a foreman of the nearby construction site. I wasn't super into this arc either. The murders and burglary are all related to money owed and fraudulent construction projects. Nothing super exciting. The saddest part about this arc is that the MC died in a car accident protecting the ML right before they were going to move into their new home together, and the ML has to spend the rest of his life alone. I think this arc had the saddest ending of them all.

Arc 5: They Have No Face
The MC is a painting student and needs to figure out who's erasing the faces from portrait paintings done in his class. The ML is a fellow member of the same painting class who's an exceptional artist but needs to repeat the exam due to missing it the previous year. It's interesting that the ML here has a deathly phobia of cars, which is carried over from how the MC suddenly died in front of him in the previous arc. I liked this arc until the supernatural elements came in, like we find out that one of the main side characters is a ghost. Like how is that possible, when she's sitting next to them in class drawing and eating candy everyday?? It's also never really explained how the faces were erased. I think we're supposed to just attribute it to the ghost's abilities which is stupid imo. In this arc, the main characters get some time together but still, the ML dies early at 29 years old and leaves a sad touching video message for the MC.

Arc 6: Romance In The Air
My favorite arc of them all! MC has to figure out who defiled his cousin and made her crazy, and the ML is his pseudo uncle (not actually blood related) who's feared by everyone in the family as he's known for being strict and fair. I enjoyed watching the MC slowly win over his uncle's favor while his older brother and sister watch on and get jealous of him. It's the first task where the MC didn't get everyone's names, since there were multiple people who participated. This arc is one of the few where they live to old age together peacefully.

Arc 7: Neighbors
Yet another arc featuring neighbors. The MC has to figure out who killed one of his neighbors in the building and what slippers have to do with it. ML is an overseas returnee and fellow upstairs neighbor. Just when you think the murderer is the mom across the hallway with postpartum depression, the author reveals that it's actually her husband with schizophrenia and one of the personalities is his wife. The ending to this arc is sad too, since the MC gradually loses his sight and control of his body =/

Arc 8: Back To High School
Finally we're getting close to the end! The MC goes back to his first year of high school, where he meets the ML Chen Yue. We've heard bits and pieces of the ruffian described up till this point, but it's not till this arc that we learn his name and know more about him. The MC's task is to read the ML's carefully handwritten love letter, which he threw away without reading in the past. It's a heartfully written letter which I thought was beautifully written. However, Huang Dan can't respond to the ML's love for fear of changing the future :(

Arc 9: Back To Reality
In this arc we finally learn the truth behind the world hopping and the missions. Turns out even the MC's caretaker, Song Min, is a fellow missionary and his mission is to take care of Huang Dan for his whole life. I won't go into all the details but the explanation of what's going on is quite confusing. From what I gather, Huang Dan is an experimental being, which is why he has no parents and extra sensitive pain receptors and can't smile. Anyways, Huang Dan and Chen Yue finally meet in person at their high school reunion and get together after experiencing so many worlds together. This arc focuses on getting some answers and, from a romance front, meeting Chen Yue's parents and their marriage. There's also a bit about Song Min's romance at the end which I skipped.

Overall I thought this was pretty skippable, but other readers seem to love this book, so I recommend giving it a try and seeing if you like it yourself.

[Duong · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tôi có một bí mật- 3,5 làm tròn 4
Thể loại khoái xuyên, chủ thụ, tình hữu độc chung, ngọt có chút ngược.
Khó mà nói được mình có thích truyện này hay không, đọc xong ấy ngày rồi nay mới ngồi gõ vài dòng không quên mất. Một ngày nọ Hoàng Đan đi làm về, vừa vào cửa tiểu khu đã xuyên qua thế giới khác, hệ thống nói nếu cậu không hoàn thành nhiệm vụ sẽ nhận phải trừng phạt vô cùng khủng khiếp, nên thế là Hoàng Đan chính thức xuyên. Mỗi một thế giới giải một vụ án, mỗi một thế giới lại gặp một người yêu khác nhau, nhưng có đúng là khác nhau không ta? :)))
Từ nhỏ đến lớn Hoàng Đan không biết cười, thần kinh đau đớn lại mẫn cảm hơn người khác rất nhiều lần, chỉ đụng một xíu đã đau như phụ nữ sinh con (lý do khá là bất ngờ), nên cậu rất hạn chế thân cận người khác, thứ nhất là vì không thích, thứ hai là vì sợ đau. Nhưng xuyên qua thế giới này, cậu đã gặp được người dạy cậu cười, dạy cậu khóc, dạy cậu biết đau đớn trong lòng, dạy cậu biết ăn tết, biết đối xử với người khác, biết ích kỉ, biết thế nào là chia xa. Người đó là bạn công, mà mình không nỡ spoil nên đành viết ẩn danh thôi.
Thật sự kết thúc mỗi thế giới mình đều khóc, tuy tác giả viết đúng kiểu bình bình đạm đạm, nhưng mình thấy đau lòng dã man luôn ấy. Cuối truyện giải thích hầu hết mọi chuyện, cũng khá là hợp lý. Lý do mà mình nói là mình không biết có thích được truyện này hay không ấy mà, là do cách viết của tác giả đó, nó khô như ngói, lướt thời gian như bay, và có vài phân đoạn viết chán muốn chết. Mỗi thế giới có 1 kết thúc khác nhau, nhưng có vài thế giới tác giả kết thúc chán chết được, nên mình khá là...bực.
Mỗi một chap rất dài, thật sự là rất dài, lại thêm mình đọc cv nên có mấy chỗ khó hiểu phải tra đi tra lại, cũng tính đọc edit cơ mà nhà edit làm không khác cv là mấy nên thôi, nghỉ khỏe.
Nhìn chung không có gì quá đặc sắc, ai team sủng thụ nhào hố này là chính xác nhất, ai team muốn hồi hộp và hành động thì né ra, buồn ngủ thấy bà luôn.

[slumberingpines · Rating 5 out of 5]

前面的世界虐得我……呜呜呜呜永远喜欢乡村爱情那个世界，我真的要碎了啊啊啊啊啊啊！！！无论怎样那个世界都还是BE了啊！！！我真的要碎了…李根😭😭😭😭