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Tammy: Telling It My Way
In the 1980s, Tammy Faye Bakker was America's televangelical sweetheart. With her husband Jim Bakker, she led the PTL ministry, a religious organization so strong that its broadcasts were top-rated fare and its contributions largely financed the construction of one of the nation's most popular tourist destinations, the Christian theme park Heritage USA.
But suddenly, PTL came tumbling down. All was lost. Jim went to jail while Tammy desperately tried to rebuild her life and career. Now, in Telling It My Way, she finally reveals the unknown triumphs, secret tragedies, and unswerving faith that have made her one of our most fascinating women.
Tammy tells of her difficult upbringing in Minnesota, where her mother's divorce brought unwarranted shame upon her family. She frankly discusses her early courtship at Bible school by "the fabulous Bakker boy," and the struggling couple's efforts to find work, make ends meet, and establish a ministry. And in never-before-reported detail, Tammy confides her painful bouts with depression, loneliness, and addiction that coincided with the couple's rise and demise on television.
Powerful, poignant, candid, and unforgettable, Tammy tells Tammy's own side of the story. It is a memorable tale of love, trust in God, and the power of the heart and spirit to recover from all adversities.
But suddenly, PTL came tumbling down. All was lost. Jim went to jail while Tammy desperately tried to rebuild her life and career. Now, in Telling It My Way, she finally reveals the unknown triumphs, secret tragedies, and unswerving faith that have made her one of our most fascinating women.
Tammy tells of her difficult upbringing in Minnesota, where her mother's divorce brought unwarranted shame upon her family. She frankly discusses her early courtship at Bible school by "the fabulous Bakker boy," and the struggling couple's efforts to find work, make ends meet, and establish a ministry. And in never-before-reported detail, Tammy confides her painful bouts with depression, loneliness, and addiction that coincided with the couple's rise and demise on television.
Powerful, poignant, candid, and unforgettable, Tammy tells Tammy's own side of the story. It is a memorable tale of love, trust in God, and the power of the heart and spirit to recover from all adversities.
341 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 8, 1996
17 people are currently reading
153 people want to read
About the author
Tammy Faye Messner
6 books2 followersTamara "Tammy" Faye Bakker Messner was an American Christian singer, evangelist, entrepreneur, author, talk show host, and television personality. She was the former wife of televangelist, and later convicted felon, Jim Bakker, and she co-hosted with him on The PTL Club from 1976 to 1987. She was known for her tendency to wear heavy makeup—particularly mascara and false eyelashes—and for her eyebrows, which were tattooed on. She was a participant in the 2004 season of the reality show The Surreal Life.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
October 4, 2016
I bought this book at Always Amazing for $1.00 because it was funny. It was near the 3.5" floppy disk storage boxes, the 2011 day planners, and a bunch of expired batteries. I bought it for the same reason you buy Ronald McDonald holiday plates at Goodwill or the Angela Lansbury lifestyle video on VHS: because it's ridiculous and because it's a laugh.
But then I read it, and it's actually great. It's not particularly well-written or even coherent all the time, but it's incredibly earnest, affecting, and inspiring.
All I knew about Tammy Faye prior to this was a t-shirt I saw once that was just eyelashes and lipstick and a brief stint attending Jay Bakker's church services at Pete's Candy Store in Brooklyn. (Day drinking is ok if you do it in the eyes of God.) Now I have a ton of respect for her and an oddly non-cynical attitude towards charismatic ministries. The latter is a pretty big transformation if you know my thoughts on American religion.
I didn't know much about the rise and fall of Jim Bakker or PTL. I'm not in any position to know how true Tammy Faye's perspective was, but I choose to believe her side of the story. Whether or not Jim, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and Jessica Hahn are properly represented here -- and there is no claim to impartiality -- I believe Tammy herself is being true to what she experienced. Her story is harrowing, incredibly unusual, and definitely worth reading.
She's a remarkable woman. Go with God, Tam Tam! You are Always Amazing!
But then I read it, and it's actually great. It's not particularly well-written or even coherent all the time, but it's incredibly earnest, affecting, and inspiring.
All I knew about Tammy Faye prior to this was a t-shirt I saw once that was just eyelashes and lipstick and a brief stint attending Jay Bakker's church services at Pete's Candy Store in Brooklyn. (Day drinking is ok if you do it in the eyes of God.) Now I have a ton of respect for her and an oddly non-cynical attitude towards charismatic ministries. The latter is a pretty big transformation if you know my thoughts on American religion.
I didn't know much about the rise and fall of Jim Bakker or PTL. I'm not in any position to know how true Tammy Faye's perspective was, but I choose to believe her side of the story. Whether or not Jim, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and Jessica Hahn are properly represented here -- and there is no claim to impartiality -- I believe Tammy herself is being true to what she experienced. Her story is harrowing, incredibly unusual, and definitely worth reading.
She's a remarkable woman. Go with God, Tam Tam! You are Always Amazing!
December 30, 2007
"Jim was always good with money. That must be the Jewish part of him." That was one of many unintentionally hilarious lines Tammy wrote in her autobiography.
I got a copy of this through my office because Tammy lent her face to our Off-the-Streets Club for troubled Chicago kids here. In her memory I decided to crack it open. It is a strange mixture of sad/delusional/charming/laugh-out-loud-funny. She's like that clueless girl on your dorm hall who would normally drive you crazy but you kind of grow fond of for some reason. I'm curious with how much is fabricated, although the verbiage is so bad, one suspects she wrote at least some of it.
Gotta confess I wasn't a fan until I saw her on the Surreal Life, in which she and Ron Jeremy became good friends. How could you not respect a gal for that?
I got a copy of this through my office because Tammy lent her face to our Off-the-Streets Club for troubled Chicago kids here. In her memory I decided to crack it open. It is a strange mixture of sad/delusional/charming/laugh-out-loud-funny. She's like that clueless girl on your dorm hall who would normally drive you crazy but you kind of grow fond of for some reason. I'm curious with how much is fabricated, although the verbiage is so bad, one suspects she wrote at least some of it.
Gotta confess I wasn't a fan until I saw her on the Surreal Life, in which she and Ron Jeremy became good friends. How could you not respect a gal for that?
November 10, 2007
I hope there really is a heaven, if only for the thought that somewhere out there, perched on a cloud, this lady's sharing divine mascara with Quentin Crisp.
RIP, Tammy-Faye!
RIP, Tammy-Faye!
July 4, 2021
I’m 30 years late, but I’m obsessed.
January 22, 2023
A FRANK AND REVEALING MEMOIR OF HER LIFE, AND PTL
Tamara Faye Messner (1942-2007) was an American evangelist, singer, author, talk show host, and television personality (noted particularly for her work with The PTL Club, founded with her then-husband Jim Bakker in 1974). She divorced Bakker in 1992 and married Roe Messner.
She wrote in the introductory section of this 1996 book, “This is the story of Jim Bakker and Tammy Faye LaValley Bakker… It is the story of two people who set out to win the world to Jesus. You will follow them as they help to build America’s first Christian TV network. You will go behind the scenes as victories turn to despair…you will also see friends turn into enemies and enemies become friends. You will witness power, greed, and jealousy. I did not want to write this book. I felt I HAD to---for the sake of my children and grandchildren and the millions of PTL partners who put their faith in Jim and Tammy… the truth is the truth. And I do not sugarcoat it. I take full responsibility for any part I played in the eventual downfall and destruction of our beautiful Heritage USA and the PTL ministry that occupied it… I hope that in writing this book I can somehow change people’s perceptions… I want to tell my side.”
She recounts, “Through the years of our marriage, I think what drove Jim was the memory of that little orange house. He wasn’t going to be poor and live in a house like that ever again; he was going to have all the nicer things in life, no matter how hard he had to work to achieve them.” (Pg. 41) Later, she observes, “It’s my opinion that Jim was always looking for a father figure, a man who could offer him acceptance and approval, maybe even protect him from the world and make him feel secure.” (Pg. 45) She adds, “There’s no doubt Jim was a natural-born salesman, but driven by insecurity.” (Pg. 48)
She states, “Jim was the best preacher I’ve ever heard… Whatever demons were lurking inside he kept locked up tight. I can’t imagine what sort of mental technique Jim used to radiate such a positive public image while privately agonizing over such a negative view of himself.” (Pg. 55)
She suggests, “Although I thought we had parted on amicable terms, in was obviously wrong. I now believe Pat Robertson … [wanted] to destroy our work because he was furious at us for leaving his domain… And when Pat is done with a person, he’s done. Finished!” (Pg. 72)
She admits, “I was feeling increasingly alienated from Jim’s life, left out of what was going on in the ministry… I allowed something disastrous to happen. I fell in love with another man. His name was Gary S. Paxton… Even though I don’t think Jim believes it to this day, the relationship between Gary and me never went any further than kissing and hugging…” (Pg. 95-96) She asks, “Was my relationship with Gary what eventually drove Jim into the arms of Jessica Hahn? Well, I’m sure t didn’t help…” (Pg. 98)
She notes, “What was disturbing was that PTL was at risk of becoming just a highly polished show rather than a true place of spiritual guidance and comfort." (Pg. 123) She suggests, “Much of the criticism directed at us strikes me as somewhat hypocritical. Jim and I certainly lived no differently from Pat Robertson, Oral Roberts, Robert Schuller, Paul Crouch, or other popular ministers of our time… I’m often asked, ‘What’s the fine line between spirituality and materialism?’ Well, I don’t think anyone has a right to decide where that line is for anyone else…” (Pg. 148) She explains, “no political group would enjoy the support of PTL, because Jim’s firm policy in all such matters was to stay totally neutral, although privately we were both Republicans.” (Pg. 195)
She records, “Jerry Falwell’s steamroller flattened out lives and everything else in sight, but nobody had the courage to stop his plunder of PTL.” (Pg. 218) Later, she added, “Jerry Falwell raped the ministry over and over again. From the day he took it over it began to crumble into ruins. Millions of dollars destined for PTL programs mysteriously went unaccounted for and remain so to this day.” (Pg. 243) She concludes, “And Jerry Falwell calls himself a ma of God! And has a college that trains young minds!” (Pg. 245)
She states, “Richard Dortch submitted a plea bargain… It is my understanding that Dortch said that he would life and say that he and Jim were co-conspirators… Now they could charge Jim with fraud and they would have him. In other words, Dortch sold Jim down the river to save his own neck. I will always believe that if Dortch had stood behind Jim and stuck to the truth, they would have won the case.” (Pg. 255-256)
She laments, “Out of the hundreds of preachers Jim had helped … I think maybe five or six of them actually visited him while he was in prison. They didn’t even bother to write him. Where were these men of God when Jim needed them so desperately?” (Pg. 281)
She recalls that Jim Bakker began divorce proceedings: “Tam, I’ve hurt you so terribly much that I just want to set you free. It’s the one thing left that I can do for you.” (Pg. 296) She continues, “People often put me down for leaving Jim while he was still in prison. But I feel that leaving at the time was the kindest thing I could to do for Jim. How cruel it would have been for me to have waited until he walked through those prison doors, happy and filled with great dreams and plans for Jim and Tammy… I could not do that to Jim. The way I did it, he had time to get used to being alone, time to adjust to the fact that when he got out of prison I would not be there… I feel that it was less painful than waiting until he got out.” (Pg. 300)
When she was meeting potential co-hosts of a new TV show with her, Jim J. Bullock to her that he was gay, and asked it that bothered her. She replied, “Jim, when I look at people, I do not see gay or straight; all I see is the person. And I see a person that … Jesus died on the cross for. So who am I to judge? I do not judge anyone anymore. I have been misjudged so many times… I don’t want to be a courtroom. I want to be a hospital.” (Pg. 329)
This book will be of great interest to anyone interested in PTL, Jim Bakker, Tammy, or that entire era in religious history.
Tamara Faye Messner (1942-2007) was an American evangelist, singer, author, talk show host, and television personality (noted particularly for her work with The PTL Club, founded with her then-husband Jim Bakker in 1974). She divorced Bakker in 1992 and married Roe Messner.
She wrote in the introductory section of this 1996 book, “This is the story of Jim Bakker and Tammy Faye LaValley Bakker… It is the story of two people who set out to win the world to Jesus. You will follow them as they help to build America’s first Christian TV network. You will go behind the scenes as victories turn to despair…you will also see friends turn into enemies and enemies become friends. You will witness power, greed, and jealousy. I did not want to write this book. I felt I HAD to---for the sake of my children and grandchildren and the millions of PTL partners who put their faith in Jim and Tammy… the truth is the truth. And I do not sugarcoat it. I take full responsibility for any part I played in the eventual downfall and destruction of our beautiful Heritage USA and the PTL ministry that occupied it… I hope that in writing this book I can somehow change people’s perceptions… I want to tell my side.”
She recounts, “Through the years of our marriage, I think what drove Jim was the memory of that little orange house. He wasn’t going to be poor and live in a house like that ever again; he was going to have all the nicer things in life, no matter how hard he had to work to achieve them.” (Pg. 41) Later, she observes, “It’s my opinion that Jim was always looking for a father figure, a man who could offer him acceptance and approval, maybe even protect him from the world and make him feel secure.” (Pg. 45) She adds, “There’s no doubt Jim was a natural-born salesman, but driven by insecurity.” (Pg. 48)
She states, “Jim was the best preacher I’ve ever heard… Whatever demons were lurking inside he kept locked up tight. I can’t imagine what sort of mental technique Jim used to radiate such a positive public image while privately agonizing over such a negative view of himself.” (Pg. 55)
She suggests, “Although I thought we had parted on amicable terms, in was obviously wrong. I now believe Pat Robertson … [wanted] to destroy our work because he was furious at us for leaving his domain… And when Pat is done with a person, he’s done. Finished!” (Pg. 72)
She admits, “I was feeling increasingly alienated from Jim’s life, left out of what was going on in the ministry… I allowed something disastrous to happen. I fell in love with another man. His name was Gary S. Paxton… Even though I don’t think Jim believes it to this day, the relationship between Gary and me never went any further than kissing and hugging…” (Pg. 95-96) She asks, “Was my relationship with Gary what eventually drove Jim into the arms of Jessica Hahn? Well, I’m sure t didn’t help…” (Pg. 98)
She notes, “What was disturbing was that PTL was at risk of becoming just a highly polished show rather than a true place of spiritual guidance and comfort." (Pg. 123) She suggests, “Much of the criticism directed at us strikes me as somewhat hypocritical. Jim and I certainly lived no differently from Pat Robertson, Oral Roberts, Robert Schuller, Paul Crouch, or other popular ministers of our time… I’m often asked, ‘What’s the fine line between spirituality and materialism?’ Well, I don’t think anyone has a right to decide where that line is for anyone else…” (Pg. 148) She explains, “no political group would enjoy the support of PTL, because Jim’s firm policy in all such matters was to stay totally neutral, although privately we were both Republicans.” (Pg. 195)
She records, “Jerry Falwell’s steamroller flattened out lives and everything else in sight, but nobody had the courage to stop his plunder of PTL.” (Pg. 218) Later, she added, “Jerry Falwell raped the ministry over and over again. From the day he took it over it began to crumble into ruins. Millions of dollars destined for PTL programs mysteriously went unaccounted for and remain so to this day.” (Pg. 243) She concludes, “And Jerry Falwell calls himself a ma of God! And has a college that trains young minds!” (Pg. 245)
She states, “Richard Dortch submitted a plea bargain… It is my understanding that Dortch said that he would life and say that he and Jim were co-conspirators… Now they could charge Jim with fraud and they would have him. In other words, Dortch sold Jim down the river to save his own neck. I will always believe that if Dortch had stood behind Jim and stuck to the truth, they would have won the case.” (Pg. 255-256)
She laments, “Out of the hundreds of preachers Jim had helped … I think maybe five or six of them actually visited him while he was in prison. They didn’t even bother to write him. Where were these men of God when Jim needed them so desperately?” (Pg. 281)
She recalls that Jim Bakker began divorce proceedings: “Tam, I’ve hurt you so terribly much that I just want to set you free. It’s the one thing left that I can do for you.” (Pg. 296) She continues, “People often put me down for leaving Jim while he was still in prison. But I feel that leaving at the time was the kindest thing I could to do for Jim. How cruel it would have been for me to have waited until he walked through those prison doors, happy and filled with great dreams and plans for Jim and Tammy… I could not do that to Jim. The way I did it, he had time to get used to being alone, time to adjust to the fact that when he got out of prison I would not be there… I feel that it was less painful than waiting until he got out.” (Pg. 300)
When she was meeting potential co-hosts of a new TV show with her, Jim J. Bullock to her that he was gay, and asked it that bothered her. She replied, “Jim, when I look at people, I do not see gay or straight; all I see is the person. And I see a person that … Jesus died on the cross for. So who am I to judge? I do not judge anyone anymore. I have been misjudged so many times… I don’t want to be a courtroom. I want to be a hospital.” (Pg. 329)
This book will be of great interest to anyone interested in PTL, Jim Bakker, Tammy, or that entire era in religious history.
March 10, 2022
Where is truth?
This book is written from Tammy's perspective. I believe what she says about the jealousy, back stabbing and dishonesty among televangelist. She said Jim Banker is not a homosexual. I believe her. Accusing him of that hurt his ministry more then anything else. Falwell knew that. Many in society say the accept gays, but in reality, they have no forgiveness towards them. The movie, The eyes of Tammy Faye is very misleading.
This book is written from Tammy's perspective. I believe what she says about the jealousy, back stabbing and dishonesty among televangelist. She said Jim Banker is not a homosexual. I believe her. Accusing him of that hurt his ministry more then anything else. Falwell knew that. Many in society say the accept gays, but in reality, they have no forgiveness towards them. The movie, The eyes of Tammy Faye is very misleading.
June 6, 2021
This book was genuinely heartwarming at times and Tammy had a really interesting way of retelling such big moments in her life. This woman was dragged through hell and I truly appreciate her insight on life.
May 21, 2008
a very special book by a very special lady
January 12, 2022
I remember the Jim and Tammy Faye debacle in the 80’s, when I was just a young tween. Tammy Faye was the Butt of many jokes we would tell each other on the school bus and in the halls of school. I just finished reading The rise and fall of PTL and Jim and Tammy Fay Bakker and I really wanted to hear her side. I wasn’t disappointed! I couldn’t help loving the poor, deluded soul. She truly lived in another world of her own making. Her writing helped me understand what goes on in the minds of charismatic/Joel Osteen-types. I suppose if we believe in something hard enough, it can become our reality.
December 18, 2021
Learning the truth
Easy read and interesting. I was a teenager when all this occurred and over the years when it has been mentioned or the topic of a documentary or movie, I have wanted to know the truth of what actually happened.
Easy read and interesting. I was a teenager when all this occurred and over the years when it has been mentioned or the topic of a documentary or movie, I have wanted to know the truth of what actually happened.
July 7, 2021
Remembered her music and bought the book just to get the background. Interesting.
April 12, 2022
I enjoy memoirs and I well remember the PTL club in the 80's, so it was good to read Tammy's perspective on what really happened there. Very sad what power and money can do.
February 22, 2023
As a child, my family were followers of PTL. We visited Heritage USA on vacation. I've always loved Tammy and Jim Bakker. There were taken advantage of for being naïve, but they were not an ignorant as Tammy would like us to believe either. At the end Falwell did them dirty and ruined them because was a terrible person. Yet, Tammy refused to take any accountability at all in this. It doesn't make me dislike her, just a little sad for her.
March 22, 2011
I was glad I read this, since I was also part of the Christian radio scene in the 1970s, and subject to public scrutiny. I was mildly surprised at her ambivalence concerning him...that she hadn't fully forgiven him yet, but it was a lot to forgive a husband. By contrast, his biography seemed very humble and redemptive. It seems he has made a genuine effort to make reparations with those he defrauded and disappointed.
April 9, 2008
Tammy Faye tells the story of her childhood in Minnesota, falling in love with Jim Bakker,the rise of the PTL empire, and then the disastrous downfall of that ministry. An interesting read.
October 24, 2012
Curiousity is the only reason I read this.
January 15, 2022
I just watched the HBO movie and was intrigued, so went looking for her books. Not the most well written book, but still a very good read. I now want to read all of her books.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews